Maztinho

I dropped a suicide the other day when I went into Burger King. I miss the soda fountain at the gas station near my high school, it was 90 seconds off campus and you could get a 64 oz for like 79 cents and they had 5 (FIVE) machines with 8 flavors each and the only repeats being doubled up on the regular and diet Coke and Pepsi respectively. Made a nice suicide.

GREAT PICK! I was hoping he'd somehow slip back to me, but alas.

I'll admit that I dug that song until it got MURDERED with overplay in these parts. Once I was like, Hmmm I don't want to hear this song now and then I tried every other contemporary rock station in Northern Utah and they all had it playing simultaneously. Fortunately the Classic Rock had Sweet Child O'Mine blazing so I could escape. Actually I can't name another Stain'd song other that "It's Been Awhile." 3 Doors Down = Not that bad in small portions.

You know what? I decided I'd become a super awesome cop, and kick in doors to see if people were having sex in any other position but missionary, since that's a felony in Utah. Sexy Gestapo Man, that's what they'd call me, yeah.

I've discovered Histories Strongest Disciple Kenichi. It's super awesome.

I got in an eating contest during a scout trip at a Chuck-A-Rama, and I was wearing down my opponents with a strategy of smaller plates over a longer time (we would all agree on a points per plate) when the assistant manager caught on we were having a contest and asked us to leave the restaurant since this was against some archaic rule. The scout master told us to pack up, but I went and made like 17 ice cream cones, and the manager said he was going to call the police. I told him that I paid for all I could eat, and I could take all the cones out of the place that I wanted since he was bait and switching us. "You aren't a good Boy Scout." "Yeah, I know. I did get my [insert name for Financial accomplishment] Merit Badge though, and you are violating a contract by kicking us out with no posted rule." "Fine take the ice cream, just leave." "By the way, you are ripping people off with your watered down soda." Man, I was such an asshole as a teenager.

I can't believe nobodies brought this hit by the guys who wrote the King of the Hill theme.

In honor of this thread I shaved my goatee into a handlebar mustache.

Joe hitting his head on Vince's glass ceiling and he didn't even sign with him.

Surely you could have pondered the concept during your free time between forklift racing and pallet jack jousting Do you know how hard it is to balance on a pallet jack while wielding a wet mop? DO YOU?

ACtually if I recall correctly, the What? came about when he got bored one day and kept calling Edge or Christian's cell phone and leaving a bunch of messages and ending them all with WHAT? It's been awhile since I read Austin's book.

I for one am glad you aren't dead. Your drunken posting would be missed, mainly by me.

Truthfully, most of the cops around here are total dickweeds. It's a small college town, so there isn't a ton of crime other than some white trash disturbance of the peace and handing out tickets for everything. The one time I was the driver that got pulled over it was when I was leaving a friends dorm headed home around 1 am and the second I pulled out of the driveway the lights went up. I guess my taillight had burned out, but I had all my stuff ready, and my window down by the time the cop walked up to my car and you could see the disappointment in his eyes when he couldn't smell alcohol on my breath (I don't drink at all). He took my info, did the ID search or whatever, and told me to get my tail light fixed. My buddy got some bullshit "exhibition of speed" ticket for going around a corner too fast his WRX at 2 am with nobody around. The cop didn't clock him, but said since his headlights wobbled he was obviously going to fast. Eventhough my friend fought the ticket and went to the corner and showed that there was a flaw in the road that made a sideways dip. The cop said, I've been a cop for X years, I can tell with the naked eye when someone is speeding, and the judge went with him. That's more the problem round here, the cops, and lawyers and judges are all old school townies so their families have been friends for generations or the cop grew up with the judge's kid or whatever. So alot of bullshit can go down legally.

See the quote above yours for the answer.

Advice so nice he said it thrice.

That or he's seen any one of the numerous reality cop shows that show crazy shit happening from the cops dashboard camera. Hell, I live in the middle of nowhere Utah, and our cops have those things.

Another Dodgeball story, we had a substitute teacher that was 7 foot plus. I guess he rode the pine for UCLA or something and then became the world's tallest substitute teacher. Anyways he was pretty cool, and some of the smart ass punk kids talked him into joining in at dodgeball thinking he'd be an easy target. Well for whatever reason they goaded him into throwing a ball as hard as he could and the kid ducked and popped up laughing only for the richocet off the bleachers nail him directly in the back of the head and send him face first to the hardwood. And at our school the ball was still in play until it hit the floor, so Vroman got the kid out. We also would only get one person back in at a time for a catch, but if we could hit a jumpshot on their hoop (they always left the hoops down in the gym, I think we'd play soccer or touch football like once and then basketball every other day) our whole team could come back. We also had a British sub who would regale us with sarcastic remarks about everything in the room and swear alot, which to a 7th grader in Utah was like the funniest thing ever. "Where's Waldo? Who the bloody `ell cares?"

But but but but but but... we all died.

After that it's just a clusterfuck of dissonance anyways. Yeah, I'm looking at you Minor 11th. KOAB's Dodgeball story reminded me that I was a school legend for like a week because I guess I got KTFO with a headshot while I was leaning over to grab a ball that was rolling back off the bleachers and I got up screamed some non-sense and threw the ball up in the air across the gym which went in the basketball hoop on the other side of the gym and then I fell down on the ground again. That's what everyone was telling me anyways. All I remember was leaning over to pick up the ball, a teammate yelling my name, and then the female gym teacher (I dunno where my teacher was, likely jerking off in the shower) leaning over me asking me how many fingers she was holding up. Also my shirt had a cool ass bloodstain on it from my bloody nose the rest of the year.

I wouldn't mind him so much if he didn't lick his fingers and push his hair out of the way like a girl while shooting FTs. Then again everyone has their own weird FT quirks. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present Exhibits A and B, Jason Kidd and Karl Malone. I always dug Jeff Hornaceks wiping the side of his face. Karl's ritual of doom was awesome as well.

Oh I knew where you were coming from that most Christians don't think we are Christians, I was just pointing out that we aren't that out in left field. We have different beliefs than Joe Southern Baptist, but hey, whatcha gonna do? Fun fact there's more LDS people in California than there is in Utah.

As a Mormon I can safely say we aren't "as out there" as snake-handlers. But that's another debate completely. On a personal level I believe we all have a God given right to choose, and while I don't agree with homosexuality, that's their business and they can sort it out.

Depends. I had an actual bipolar friend, but during her down time she wouldn't get angry she'd just mope. There's levels. Most people just veg out when down, and take on alot of responsibility or become overly productive or creative when up. Once on a trip we stumbled across a Beatles shop and I had to literally pick her up and toss her over my shoulder and carry her out or she would have blown all her cash in there and we still had 5 days to go (chick loved her some Beatles) she was crying and shaking telling me to let her go back. After detaining her for like 10 minutes and having to explain what was going on to the security that got interested in this 6'5" man dragging a 5'4" girl around like a sack of wheat she calmed down and we put a 30 dollar cap on what she could spend. She'd hit a huge manic swing set off by the prospect of a John and Paul license plate holder.

Had to go with Fries. Since I don't think I've voted for Garlic Bread... like once.

Whoooo I got a pancake. Go Receiving TE Pancake!!! WHOOOOOOOO!