Okay guys, I have the fix for all our problems. These sliders are courtesy of dshopmaker from the 2K Sports forums. He's PS3 only, so no downloads. We have to manually enter them on the 360, but it only takes a few minutes:
I played 4 games- Lakers/Spurs twice, Bulls/Pacers, and Bulls/Cavs. After experimenting, these sliders work best for a sim game with realistic stats when you play 8 minute quarters on All-Star difficulty.
I was always averse to playing longer quarters (did 5 on every sports game) since I want to finish at least one season and stillplay all my other 360 games. But this works best in my opinion.
So try these sliders with 8 minute quarters on All-Star, and let me know if you agree that this is the best way to play the game.