DCMaximo

I think we all know the REAL reason Stone Cold is heading to Japan... Ultimo Dragon touches down at the airport, pleased to have returned to his home country. For the first time in a year he can be respected and not lose to Johnny Stamboli on Velocity every week. As he goes to collect his bags, he feels a tap on the shoulder. He turns around, a wave of beer breath hitting him in the face Stone Cold: I'm the Sherriff and you don't work WWE style!!! (stunners Ultimo Dragon before drinking a tiny can of light beer, spilling it down his front)

Problem with doing a "mystical figure"-type character is that the character loses it's mystique if it loses or sells too much offense. So either they give Fertig the god-push, which I can't see them doing, and he becomes a no-selling monster (which will suck) or he doesn't get over and bums around Velocity for months. Prediction: Mordechai destroys Paul London, Spike Dudley, Funaki etc for a few months, as per any big bully heel on Smackdown (Nathan Jones, Bill DeMott, Matt Morgan)

Yeah, and at least I'll feel like I've earned it. Problem is, all the usual stars like Styles and Jericho are under contract with the WWE and I really want to achieve it with my UDW promotion (currently National 69PI). But I've brought in some talented new blood (TAKA, Super Crazy) and I've got enough established talent (Backseats, Moore, Hart, Hayashi, Paul London-who seemingly must be hired by EWR law) to get the match quality, it's just a case of getting them over enough. BTW, can anyone help me find a decent gimmick for Shannon Moore? He's losing reaction with his current gimmick (mysterious) and it's really tricky to find him a new one. He's a heel, not very menacing and with no charisma. I would choose loner, but he's got a manager (Jamie Koeppe) to do his interviews, so that wouldn't really work. Any help muchly appreciated.

"More Songs About Chocolate And Girls" by the Undertones

Yeah, it's strange because both men are in my main event, with overness in the mid-eighties, but the match reaction was only 79%. Match quality was fine (98%), so maybe I'll do better as the feud heats up. Still, it's very frustrating.

(prays for *****) Teddy Hart vs Shannon Moore. Match Background: This is a continuation of the T. Hart vs Shannon feud. Neither has managed to get an in-ring victory in this feud. The Match: Standing leg lariat by Shannon Moore on T. Hart. STIFF high kick on T. Hart by Shannon Moore. Spin kick by Shannon Moore to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Spin kick by Shannon Moore to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Teddy Hart fights out of a grapple. Teddy Hart hits a rolling kick on Shannon. Konnan has ruined any chance for me ever enjoying this maneuver again with his shitty execution of it. Shannon takes a NICE hurrancarana from Teddy Hart. Hooks the leg for a two count. Shannon flips out of a Teddy Hart bodyslam attempt. Super kick by Shannon Moore. There's a two count on the pin. Tiger suplex on T. Hart. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, dammit. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Shannon Moore misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Spinning back kick from Teddy Hart. Shannon blocks a kick from Teddy Hart. Shannon Moore hits a rolling kick on T. Hart. Konnan has ruined any chance for me ever enjoying this maneuver again with his shitty execution of it. Jamie Koeppe has climbed up onto the apron! T. Hart turns...and falls for the distraction! Shannon Moore attacks T. Hart from behind! Teddy Hart is stunned as Shannon heads to the top rope. Mooregasm! 1....2....3. Shannon Moore leaves the ring and heads off down the aisle at speed. Shannon has the victory, and isn't hanging around for Teddy Hart to look for revenge. My Opinion: Consider yourself lucky, a ****1\4 is hard to get and it was earned every step of the way. Let's see if you can do better now. NOOOOOOOOO!!!! I feel like the guy in Mallrats who can't see the damn sailboat. This game hates me!

Just thought of more random tat I love- PM Dawn- Set Adrift On Memory Bliss Jimmy Ray- Are You Jimmy Ray? Steps- Last Thing On My Mind Michael Barrymore- Too Much For One Heart (mainly because it reminds me of the first night of Reading last year, when the combination of Tennant's Super and weed made me fall asleep, only to wake up to this song, thinking someone was soundchecking in the main field, even though it was 5.30 am)

Guttermouth- Chugalug Night Refused- New Noise Life Of Agony- Weeds Revolver- Sucks To Be You [spunge]-Jump On Demand Phil Collins-Only You Know And I Know If I'm drunk to the point that I know I'm about to fall asleep, I normally put Moon Safari by Air on repeat so that I can wake up to it in a hungover state the next morning.

The team of the Great Kosuke and Shiryu are indeed better known as Satoshi Kojima and Kaz Hayashi.

Cold Mountain (3/10) Really boring. Renee Zellweger is the only thing keeping this film from a lower mark, as she carried this thing on her back. Jude Law's character was really dull, didn't say much (and when he did, it was cliched crap like "diamonds are like 1000 moments" or some similar bullshit) and Nicole Kidman was so vacant and devoid of character, I thought she may have been dead all the way through. Clearly written with the Oscars in mind and I'm glad it wasn't nominated for best film.

Damn it, I still can't get a ***** match yet from the Dames. My Backseat Boyz vs Teddy Hart & Shannon Moore feud got constant ****3/4, but no luck whatsoever in getting 5. Anyway, the card for my next UDW event, "Set Adrift On Memory Bliss" is as follows UDW World title The Messiah ©(f) vs Samoa Joe (h) UDW Tag titles Backseat Boyz ©(h) vs Satoshi Kojima and Taiyo Kea (f) UDW Cruiserweight title Paul London ©(f) vs Kaz Hayashi (h) vs Ultimo Guerrero (h) Teddy Hart (f) vs Shannon Moore (h) Kaos (f) vs Johnny Nitro (h) Bob Sapp (f) vs Frank Shamrock (h) Nick Dinsmore (h) vs Bryan Danielson (f)- Submission match UDW TV title (currently vacant) Masada (f) vs BJ Whitmer (f) vs Air Paris (h) vs Akio (h) Pregame match United Foundation (Doug Williams and Alex Shane)(f) vs Pretty Lethal (Greg Matthews and Scotty Riggs)(h) REALLY hope Hart vs Moore will break my ***** slump (both are current main eventers)

Nice to see this track making an appearance. As for the rest of it, I'd definitely go for a yay, except maybe the John Cena track, but each to their own.

LL Cool J at the start of Touch is a good cameo. He's being interviewed on a talkshow, gets angry with the presenter, swears and marches off. Pointless, but quite funny. Bruce Springsteen in High Fidelity is great too. Really comes from nowhere, but what a great appearance

21, turning 22 in June, fron the township of Kenilworth, Warwickshire, in the UK. We have a castle, but that's about it. Timmy Mallett once did a Wacaday special about it

God, I wish it was. Battle Royal featured a load of diabolical matches. The Rockers lost to the Nasty Boys and the only Rougeau presence was in the worst match of the night, Texas Tornado vs the Mountie. Best two matches on that tape: Ric Flair vs Tito Santana and Legion of Doom vs Power & Glory. Somewhere in the archives of the Fantasy Booking and Columns folder is a review I did of the tape... it wasn't a great show.

The first Suede album is excellent and, as far as indie goes, is an impressive debut. Don't know if Suede are a guilty pleasure though, unless you're really embarrassed to like it. Now their last album, now THAT was an album to be embarrassed by.

I'm pretty sure the film came out first and Papa Roach were just trying to be clever (and failing). As for the film itself, I enjoyed it, but not as much as many others seem to. I thought the twist was pretty good, but I wouldn't put it in my top ten films.

1)Turner and Hooch 2)Natural Born Killers 3)Mallrats 4)Stand By Me 5)Friday the 13th III

What the hell? Part III is my favourite of all the Friday films. You've got the introduction of the hockey mask, the first time the idea of Jason being unstoppable comes into play, some of the greatest deaths (eye-popping goodness, handstand man being cut in half) and I thought Shelly's death was great...the boy who cried wolf effect plus the fact that we get to see him die slowly and painfully instead of just the typical look of shock followed by a machete to the head. True, there are some stupid bits, but not as stupid as the others in the series (like in part 2, where Jason mistakes a girl in his mum's sweater for his mother). To me, part 3 is the quintessential Jason film. That was part 9...Jason Goes To Hell and yep, that was bollocks.

On the video WWF Fan Favourites, there is a Hart Foundation vs Big Boss Man and Akeem match that I'd rate **3/4 stars, which is the best I've seen Akeem perform. Also, don't know if they'd be classified as terrible workers, but the Nasty Boys vs Cactus Jack and Maxx Payne is a legit ****1/2 affair.

Northeast Region 1 Eddy Guerrero 5 Ultimo Dragon 3 Rey Misterio Jr. 2 CM Punk Northwest Region 1 AJ Styles 5 Tajiri 3 Shawn Michaels 2 Kurt Angle Southeast Region 1 Shelton Benjamin 4 American Dragon 3 Chavo Guerrero Jr. 2 Brock Lesnar Southwest Region 1 Chris Jericho 4 Jamie Noble 3 Paul London 2 Christopher Daniels

God, there are SOOO many I can think of that I love, but really shouldn't... ANYTHING by Tiffany, Busted or Phil Collins LFO-Summer Girls (sorry) Point Break-Freaky Time Cliff Richard-Wired For Sound Girls Aloud-No Good Advice Darius-Colourblind I feel so ashamed...

I also bought the Evil Dead this week and, after first watching Stand By Me (cinematic goodness!), I watched it (hadn't seen it in about 6 years) and I will honestly say it's a better film in my opinion than the Crow. It's just great, unrelenting fun and violence and Bruce Campbell is a king amongst men.

I may get flack for this, but Are you a homosexual? No, I'm nowhere near being stylish enough to be homosexual...that and the fact that men don't turn me on. Sadly, you're not the first person to ask me that, though

FIRE: 1)Bradshaw- terrible worker, irritating prick in his wwe.com articles and is now in the midst of his second undeserved push 2)Hardcore Holly- a nothing wrestler, no mic skills, average in the ring, but with his best days behind him, and seemingly a jackass backstage 3)Orlando Jordan- serves absolutely no purpose...if he was fired now, would anyone notice? 4)John Heidenreich- ditto 5)Lita- my least favourite Diva. Sloppy as hell in the ring, no charisma and hasn't advanced, character-wise or in ring skills since 2000 HIRE 1 & 2)The Backseat Boys, Johnny Kashmere and Trent Acid- a decent tag team is needed to re-energise the stale tag divisions and the talented, charismatic Backseats would be the perfect heel team for Smackdown 3)Satoshi Kojima- It's rumoured that Kenzo Susuki, who is in OVW, will be called up as a bodyguard for Tajiri. Problem is that he sucks. Kojima, on the other hand, would be great as a partner for Tajiri, as he's a great worker and has a great range of facial expressions that just scream with charisma 4)Teddy Hart- would easily get over in the Cruiserweight division 5)I can't think of anyone else, so I'll finish with Scotty Anton/Riggs...just because