The Ill One

.2C, asshole. Edit: Nice card, by the way.

I am from the U.S. and yeah, fine, maybe the first verse. But Spike would be struggling by the upteenth because nobody knows that verse. Christ, look at what you get for commenting.

Hey, I just ran with what the other two guys wrote... High notes? In the first stanza of the Star Spangled Banner? It's all good, mi amigo. I have no clue if it truly has high notes, but, uh, yeah. I was just doing running commentary, you know? I'll be reading the rest of the show soonish.

First off (since I am focusing on the main event for now)- Aecas is going to rip off heads. I knew you couldn't resist my persuasive PM. Lucha Libre Ole~! I was digging this match since I first read the card, so I'm pretty interested in how it turned out. Nice use of both referees as Spike and Johnson get to rough up Akira. I'm sure WC could bench a Pet Rock but perhaps not a heavy and recently watered Chia Pet. It is quite odd that the Baghdad crowd is quite fluent in English, isn't it (nice lil' joke there). "Harrumphs" is a word that needs to be used more often. Not feelin' the King and Francis interaction though, even Riley never gave -that- gay of a vibe. But anyway, the action picks up with a sprint laced with near falls. I do love how Francis brings up the history of each wrestler's interactions down to the very move. Nice spot to eliminate Akira with a vicious backdrop driver. Little double-teaming going on and Christ, that sounds dirty. Allow me to officially say, what the fuck. Maybe Spike can hit those high notes, I'm not sure, that's supposed to be a bitch to sing. Spike and Zyon face off, the match up that was inevitable and always welcomed. Reversal of the superplex and adios Spike Jenkins. Muy bien. I enjoyed this match, fun little one, and hopefully can provide incoherent running commentary for the rest of the show later on.

The last time I willingly jobbed a belt to somebody, the fucker turned around and quit the fed a month later, without dropping the title. No thanks. I'll wait on someone to take it from me. What kind of douchebag would... oh yeah. (Seriously I still regret that). I don't think we should limit House Rules to a division or strictly for the hardcore division. It always seemed best when they were peppered into cards occasionally and not overdone. Pure Title rules for the INT sounds good for the readers (since the division could pull it off well) but would be a headache for the writers. Plus, let's be honest, who the hell seems to read shows anymore?

I'm sorry but I had to no-show but that doesn't matter because how could I have beat Blank in that insane match? But 'til my schedule clears up (anyway from, oh, two shows to two weeks) I'll be inactive. Hooray for winners (since I haven't skimmed BG yet).

A very low number but we'll see what turns out.

Match of the Night: Johnson versus Maddix Runner-up Match of the Night: Spike versus Zyon SWF World Heavyweight Championship Match JJ Johnson vs. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix ~Christ, I'm going to say Johnson by a close call. STREET FIGHT "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins vs. Zyon ~I'm not sure but I'll give the nod to Spike. SWF International Championship Match Wildchild © vs. Jimmy the Doom ~Doom does indeed have a good shot at this so I'm saying no prediction. GRUDGE MATCH Bruce Blank vs. Insane Luchadore ~Blank. SWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP - AIR RAID MATCH "The Divine Wind" Akira Kaibatsu © vs. Grendel vs. Stryke vs. Austin Sly ~Akira to retain in a close match. Amy Stephens © vs. Megan Skye ~Stephens Jay Hawke vs. Manson © ~Who knows. Let's Get Everyone Booked II! Michael Cross vs. Sean Davis ~Davis. Let's Get Everyone Booked! David Cross vs. Christian Fury ~Fury.

Just hit the fifteen minute mark at 16k.* *= Absolute lie.

I like the general idea of splitting up the cards into proportions like that. There could be a thread where each wrestler gets to apply in what places of the card they want. Then that would bring a pretty fair balance and "cross-overs" would be known. Plus each card having that general booking philosophy but nothing too strict would let all of this work. I am stumped when it comes to getting new writers.

But I don't think that King works out as well for the shill guy.

Either over-the-top or just generic characters, like Axis. I still think an Axis/King/Edwin would be golden.

Bumpin' this because another group should get together and create a new list.

I'm amazed we didn't try an Exploding Chicken/Ted Flink/Mayor McCheese commentary team.

I went with a three man team because if the characters are well balanced then it's nearly perfect to write. Annie, Judge, and Ejiro and also Edwin, King, and Axis were my favorites to write. I voted for Edwin.

Well it was when he and Cash were at the top of the cage. I guess the original spot was messed up because it leads to an awkward backdrop suplex attempt but Jack Evans whiffs the table. Luckily he flipped and was able to slow the fall by grabbing onto the cage for a second, from there he landed right on his head/upper neck. It was vicious. Edit: He fell onto the floor, by the way, not the ring. I didn't make that too clear.

MAIN EVENT INTERNATIONAL TITLE CONTENDERSHIP Kevin Coyote vs Jimmy the Doom SPECIAL GUEST COMMENTATOR: Wildchild SINGLES BOUT Insane Luchador vs Sean Davis OPENING MATCH SINGLES BOUT Archie Griffon vs Grendel -- MOTN: Main Event MAIN EVENT INTERNATIONAL TITLE CONTENDERSHIP Kevin Coyote vs Jimmy the Doom SPECIAL GUEST COMMENTATOR: Wildchil ~Fuvolution Pride. SINGLES BOUT Insane Luchador vs Sean Davis ~Davis. OPENING MATCH SINGLES BOUT Archie Griffon vs Grendel ~Grendel.

I don't know if it counts since it was a botch spot but Jack Evans is lucky to be alive after that Cage of Death accident.

Non-Title Main Event Wes Davenport© vs Wildchild© Ultraviolent Title Match Boiler Room Brawl Amy Stephens© vs Bruce Blank Tag Title Match ???/??? vs JJ Johnson©/Manson© Submissions Match "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins vs Jay Hawke Michael Cross vs David Cross Hardcore Four Way The Crimson Skull vs Insane Luchador vs Stryke vs Zyon. Cruiserweight Rules Match Grendel vs Ghost Machine 2.0

Wayne Blank rounds a corner in the empty hallways of the Carolina Center and halts in confusion. He grunts and drops the duffel bags onto the ground before he glances around in an attempt to figure out this backstage labyrinth. He picks them back up with a grunt as he continues to walk down the dimly lit hall. He sighs in frustration, feeling rather isolated from his early arrival without Bruce, but continues to wander down the hallway. He barely hears faint footsteps and can’t help but to slow down his pace in paranoia. He continues to listen but shrugs off the noise as he picks back up a normal pace until he wears the same noise. He abruptly stops, holding his breath, and listening for any sound- Nothing. He chuckles at his own paranoia, in an attempt to shake it off, and continues his walk down the seemingly endless hallway. He slows down his pace to squint left and right in an attempt to find the Blank’s locker room. Finally he spots the door to his right and sees “Blank” scribbled on a post it note, stuck against the door. He sighs in relief as he opens the door and enters into the dark room. He slowly flips the light switch, half expecting somebody to be waiting for him, but finds the room to be quite empty. He looks over to the side as he slips his older brother’s duffel bag off his shoulder and grabs one of the two folding steel chairs. Being a man of simple needs he walks to center of the ring where he sets up the chair, plops down, and drops the duffel bag for him to rummage in. But his heart skips a beat as he swears to have heard more footsteps. He remains still and waits for the door to be flung open- Nothing. He grumbles at himself being too uptight as he continues to go through his duffel bag but suddenly stops. He looks up at the door, convinced that he heard another noise, and quietly searches for his infamous cattle prod. A few seconds pass by and the fear passes over him until the door does swing open with a man standing in the doorway. Better yet, Andrew Rickmen standing in the doorway. He leaps to his feet and gulps as he puts up his fists. “Step down, kid, I’m not here to start shit,” IL calmly says. Wayne Blank doesn’t buy a word of it. “Last time I saw you, you tried to kill me!” Insane Luchador steps into the room and slowly shuts the locker room’s door. He looks back at Wayne and says, “No, actually, I tried to break your neck.” “You better leave here or…” Wayne begins but fumbles for something intimidating to say. “Or?” IL asks in amusement as he grabs the other folding chair by one hand. He advances towards the panicking Wayne and pauses as he seems at a swinging distance. The younger Blank brother prays IL doesn’t see the sweat collecting near his brow or the cotton mouth gulps but, as a Blank, he tries to remain tough. Insane Luchador grabs the folding chair with the other hand and simply sets it up near Wayne. He sits down and leans forward with his arms resting on his legs. “Sit down,” IL says. “No,” Wayne defiantly replies. “Christ, just sit down,” IL says in aggravation. Wayne Blank looks down into Insane Luchador’s vivid eyes in an attempt to read his mind, but decides he doesn’t really want to get into IL’s mind anyway. So he slowly lets his fists down and cautiously sits down. “So, uh, what do you want?” Wayne asks. Rickmen sarcastically acts offended. “What? A guy can’t have a chat anymore?” “Don’t be wasting my time, Rickmen, because, uh, I’ll go…” “Go Brokeback Mountain on me?” IL asks as he smirks at Wayne’s cowboy attire. “Shut up! Why the hell should I talk to a guy who tried to ki…” IL grunts. Wayne rolls his eyes. “A guy who tried to break my neck!” “Listen, I want some answers about Bruce.” Wayne gets offended as he quickly blurts, “I’m no traitor!” IL calmly says, “Nobody thinks you are. My question is why Bruce is afraid of me?” Wayne laughs. “Afraid of you? Of you? Of all the people…” He frowns but regains a calm demeanor. “He’s been ducking out from fighting me.” “That’s not true… he just doesn’t want to waste his time fighting you,” Wayne says as his mind reels for a response. “No, that’s not it. Because Bruce Blank is a fighting champion, huh?” “All Blanks are!” “Then why won’t he step into the ring with me, you know? How come he goes to such extreme measures…” “Brilliant measures,” Wayne interrupts. “Shut up. He’s hired somebody to legally change their name to Bruce Blank, he collapsed a god damn cage on me, and then he claimed Bird Flu. Bird fuckin’ Flu!” IL blurts with a laugh of disbelief. Wayne doesn’t have any reply. “But there’s more. Like how he invited people to challenge him for the Ultraviolent Title but still won’t face me. He lost his belt, Wayne, so what the hell does he have to lose? What possible excuse can he have?” “He’s not afraid of you,” Wayne unconvincingly says as IL’s points bounce in his mind. “So why don’t you let go of this? Why do you have to go after my brother, huh?” IL pauses. “Really want to know why, Blank? Because I left the SWF for a couple reasons and during the time I was gone, well, something had shifted. The Hardcore Gamers’ Championship was now the Ultraviolent Title. But I can take a little change, you know? But guess what, kid?” “Don’t call me…” IL doesn’t even acknowledge him. “There are very few things I’ve been good at in my life and even fewer things to be proud of. But you know what I was, hell, am good at?” Silence. “Wrestling, well actually hardcore wrestling. My other skills were pretty lackluster which one of the reasons I left for a bit but that’s not here nor there. So I left and tuned into the SWF, just checking up on things. Know what I saw? I saw this god damn hick pissing all over one of the only things I’ve been proud of, pissing all over people that I’ve fought. Trying to take away a part of my life, god damn it.” “Shut up,” Wayne says and pauses in disbelief he said it. “You were gone, you still should be. It’s the Ultraviolent Title, get over it!” IL grits his teeth and growls. “But there’s more… because from the second I returned your brother has been doing all in his power to avoid me. That’s not what an Ultraviolent Champion should be like, is it? That’s not what I expected from a guy who openly condescended on the history of the federation.” “Yeah, well,” Wayne says but realizes he has nothing to say. Insane Luchador stands up and looks down at Bruce Blank’s younger brother. He reaches down into his cargo’s pocket and pulls something out. He drops the folded piece of paper and lets it flutter towards Wayne, who snatches it out of the air. He opens it to realize it’s the contract Bruce had signed with IL earlier. He notices dried blood flakes circled around a fine print that he glances over. The circle's text basically stating that should the match not occur on said date then a replacement will be enforced or there can be a punishment of termination of contracts. “He can’t avoid me forever,” IL says with a psychotic smile as turns around to leave. Wayne stutters for an insult but Rickmen doesn’t even show interest towards him as he opens the door. He glances over his shoulder at Wayne who is staring down at the paper with a disgruntled, spacey look on his face. He smirks and leaves the room to let Wayne brood over IL’s words.

Great promo man, how can you not love attempted murder? I'm liking how this is progressing and curious to see how it'll all end up.

Non-Title Main Event Wes Davenport© vs Wildchild© ~Not sure but it should be a good one. Ultraviolent Title Match Boiler Room Brawl Amy Stephens© vs Bruce Blank ~This one could swing either way, so I have no clue. I don't Stephens will lose the title so soon but Blank is Mr. Ultraviolent. Tag Title Match ???/??? vs JJ Johnson©/Manson© ~Janson to retain. Submissions Match "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins vs Jay Hawke ~Hmmm, I'll go with Hawke. Michael Cross vs David Cross ~Michael. Hardcore Four Way The Crimson Skull vs Insane Luchador vs Stryke vs Zyon. ~Zyon. Cruiserweight Rules Match Grendel vs Ghost Machine 2.0 ~GM 2.0

THE MAIN EVENT - SWF Cruiserweight Championship Match "The Divine Wind" Akira Kaibatsu © © vs. "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins GUEST COMMENTATOR: Ghost Machine 2.0 ~Either man could take it but I'm thinkin' Spike. Ultraviolent Championship Match - House Rules Fever Pitch Match Bruce Blank © vs. Sean Davis ~Blank Zyon vs. Ghost Machine 2.0 ~GM 2.0 Tornado Tag Team Match Insane Luchadore and Amy Stephens vs. Kevin Coyote and The Crimson Skull ~Crimson Coyote I Am Completely Lacking In Originality Triple Threat Stryke vs. Christian Fury vs. Jimmy the Doom ~I'm not sure but anyone winning is possible. Opening Bout JJ Johnson vs. David Cross ~Johnson.

Huge (Y)~! to Muzz's win, WC's win, UA, and I can't believe Doom toppled the octopus. These are filler comments 'til I read the entire show. On a side note- sorry for the lack of substance to the match. Edit: The Myers "Hobbes" Pimp promo was superb.

No, it was my lack of matchage, Raynor's no lazy bastard.