The Ill One

Embrace change, people! Edit: I like the format. Simplicity.

If you're booked, you'll get a PM.

No I'm not. Sadly these were all sober thoughts.

Hmmm hopefully I can get a promo churned out then.

Grateful Dead.

Enjoy. -- Danny Dagda rounds the corner with an impatient grunt backstage in St. Paul, Minnesota. He continues searching within the halls like a child looking for a lost pet; he swoops down and peaks underneath tables, behind a stack of boxes, and even pauses to poke his head into a locker room with the door wide open. Finally he sighs and yells, “Lil’ Dag, Lil’ Dag, where art thou Lil’ Daggy-O!” Danny Dagda snickers at his own wit before he walks down to the hallway with the door slightly opened and a disgusting, thick like syrup, stuck like glue, nasal gasps of air. He winces at the influenza-ridden breath that fills the silence. He walks up to the door and swings it open as Matthew Kivell’s head flops over and hits the cement. “Ow…” The referee looks up with shame and gives Danny a look begging for mercy. “Oh come on now! This isn’t anything to be ashamed of, is it?” Dagda sarcastically asks as he walks up to Kivell and yanks him to his feet. Kivell has a desperate stare in the distance before Danny grabs him by the arms and shakes. “Wake up, Lil’ Dag!” Matthew looks down at his outfit and groans. He wears a tight black t-shirt that has in white print “Program M.W.M.W.” and on the back reading “Lil’ Dag.” His pants are an identical pair to the khaki cargoes that Dagda wears. The referee’s hair is even shortly cut and with the hair gel in an eerie resemblance. “…I told…” Danny cuts him off. “Hey! I warned you that playing me in beer ping pong!” “You said you had no liver!” Matthew Kivell snaps back. “Yeah, but I didn’t buy your damn bridge!” He puffs out his chest in defiance and in triumph. Danny bursts into laughter at the pathetic sight in front of him. “Amusing, just like me.” “You never said you had a formal program!” Kivell throws back. “Hey,” he says, “am I the one who wants a date with Tina, the Technical Writer?” Matthew Kivell nods in defeat then breezes past Dagda trying to evade him. Danny falls behind has to jog up behind him to catch up and he puts a hand onto Matthew’s shoulder, a cigarette cherry dangerously dangling above the shoulder. “I never say I had given up with you. So, first things first- there’s Amy the Company Whore, even Riley had a go at her drunken at the Festivus,” Dagda explains. He steps in front of Matthew Kivell and blows a cloud of smoke towards his face. “Do me proud, Lil’ Dag’!” With that advice he shoves Matthew towards Amy who’s grabbing a cup of coffee. “What the hell are you talking about?” Kivell whirls around. Danny Dagda frowns and stalks up to Matthew, frustrated. He sends a shove to the referee and grabs him by the collar. Like a schoolground bully he tugs Matthew up to his face and growls. “Go fetch me some panties.” Matthew Kivell gulps and walks towards Amy who stirs her cream into the coffee. He tries to walk tough and gets right up behind Amy. He wraps his arm onto her belly underneath her shirt, places a hand on her shoulder, and puts his lips just brushing against her earlobes. “I like my ladies as I do my coffee- cheap, unfulfilling, and leaves a gross film on your teeth,” he seductively whispers. Amy looks down at the hand struggling to get underneath her bra. She takes her hot coffee with its cheap aroma lifting off in steam and splashes it right into Kivell’s face. “Ah! Christ! The Sweet and Low! It Burns! It burns!” Matthew Kivell squeals as he clutches onto his face. Danny Dagda winces in the background and innocently jogs up towards his protégé. When he stands towering over the bent over Kivell he pats him on the back. “First few are always the toughest… you’ll grow immune in time,” he explains. But Matthew Kivell just responds by throwing back his elbow into Dagda’s crotch. “You little fucker!” He growls like a lion and leaps out but misses Matthew who slips backwards on the coffee on the cement floor, reeling back into the boxes. Dagda’s just on the ground in a fetal position moaning, “I need somebody to give my penis CPR!” He slowly flops over and gets up, the two stamp towards each other. They collide chest on and now Matthew sees the obvious problem. He can hardly fight. “Why’d you kick me?” “Where’s your brain!” Kivell barks back in anger. “Why’d you kick me?” “Where’s your brain?” “Why’d you kick me?” “Where’s your brain?” ”I asked you first.” “How can we pick up Sloane Peterson if…?” His voice trails off and he glances off to the side with a smile. “I didn’t hit you, I lightly elbowed you…” He admits. “You hit me. I’m watching your back and now you’ll soon be dealing with more asses than a Sir Mix-A-Lot video!” Dagda smacks Kivell in the check. “Can’t you see? It’s all part of the first step. You haven’t shown acceptance, so I had to reinforce you don’t have a fuckin’ clue what you’re doing.” “Okay! You’re right!” Matthew sighs and glances down as it all pieces together in his alcoholic head the thought swishes around like vodka in the punch. “You’re just showing me how awful I am! I get it!” He smiles and sighs. “Man I don’t understand why nobody likes you Danny…” Danny Dagda smirks and pats Matthew on the back. He pauses and takes a whiff. “Are you wearing Musk?” He asks the referee. “…Maybe… well… yeah, so? Like it?” “No, smells like locker room ass. But regardless,” he continues to lead the walk down the hall. “It’s funny you should say that.” “…Locker room ass?” “…What? No. People not liking me, well, apparently there’s been some talk about, you know, keeping me down.” Kivell looks shocked. “You’re kidding!” Dagda shakes his head sadly, “Nope. No shit, kid. But I can tell you all about that after I demonstrate how to get a phone number.” “Alright, sounds good…” Matthew reluctantly says. “Sounds great!” “Hey hey, enough, this already reeks of a male-male dominance b-grade dorm movie,” Dagda warns. He smirks and fishes out another cancer stick. “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.” -FIN- That's the second time that Casablanca's quotes have made it into a written promo (I think).

"'F'd in the A" Anyway, I don't see why not. It kind've appeals for the whole "frugile bastard" side.

...Wonder if it'll lead to lemmiwinks return?

I couldn't show this time but I did show last time. You guys should go all read it, cherish it, and uh... *shrugs*.

So, uh, I'm not a huge gamer and overall I'm quite clueless about the systems. So playstation can play games that come with the option online apparently, I guess you'd need an adapter? I've actually googled and couldn't really find that much information that helped. My questions are- Is there a monthly charge and how much is the adapter? Is it worth the investment for a person who isn't a hardcore gamer? How does it work? (You don't have to get all technical, just the basics). What games, if any, are worth playing online? Thanks for anything you can pitch out but two last questions- Is the Playstation Two -slimmer- worth spending the extra money on? What are some games that are a must-have (cross all the genres, I don't mind). Again, thanks a ton.

I tried some, didn't really taste much of the spice. It was alright overall but I actually liked Pepsi Blue. Never got the chance to try Crystal Pepsi, what was it?

COLD FRONT CLASSIC FINALS 2 OUT OF 3 FALLS MATCH #1 Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix (SWF Intercontinental-Television Champion) v. #3 Sacred ~Christ that's a huge word limit. Anyway, I'll flip a coin. Either way this is a great end to the tournament. TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Revolution Zero (Toxxic and Sean Davis, SWF Tag Team Champions) v. Hollywood Boulevard (Ghost and "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez) ~I'll go with Rev0 with the retain. HARDCORE MATCH Danny Dagda (accompanied by the Rockettes) v. Carnage ~Carnage. HOLY HELL MATCH "The Icon" Max King v. Manson v. "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins ~Damn, that's a sweet stip. King to snag the win.

Honkey Tonk Women- The Rolling Stones Last Caress- Misfits Ain't Nothing to Fuck With- Wu-Tang Clan Aenema- Tool Iron Man- Black Sabbath All Along the Watchtower- Bob Dylan Crazy Train- Ozzy Officer- Operation Ivy Paint It Black- The Rolling Stones Run To the Hills- Iron Maiden Smells Like Teen Spirit- Nirvana Immigrant Song- Led Zeppelin Kill the Poor- Dead Kennedys TNT- AC/DC The River- Bruce Springsteen Lust for Life- Iggy Pop Okay, some (a lot) are favorites more than greatest.

Mike, consider the idea stolen. Oh and Toxxic- get ready for a coronary attack.

We have Culvers in Iowa. I wasn't impressed. Oh and I went with McDonalds.

Done and done. Roughly 4k.

My vote was thrown in for the 90%-100%. I've been here a long time now, as have others, and over the course of the federation's duration this hasn't been a real bad issue. There's been times here and there where you gotta' wonder if the bias of the marker and writers will have too much of an influence but that's rarely the case. A lot of it is how the marker's personal preference when it all comes down to it- whatever one seems "best" is the winner. Which means since it's an opinion there'll always be disagreements based on taste. (Yes I am playing role as Captain Obvious right now). I can't think of more than five matches, hell, five circumstances where I wanted to question the booking or marking. Whether it's an outrageous conspiracy theory (Todd marking Spike if I recall correctly) or just somebody bitching (Blazenwing) the marker's job is rarely questioned. Because there hasn't been a need to and when there has been- there's a near lynching (Stubby's removal comes to mind). Now this thread is better suited for this next piece, about the C.C. in general. The biggest concern that comes up on an occasional basis is marker's not keeping up with storylines, etc. Now Stubby was the best example but majority of us have been thrown into a random tag match and you just wonder how the fuck they decided to book it. It happens. From the marker's stand-point, there's a lot of shit to read and that's time consuming. I'm not pointing any fingers but I'm sure some others have felt this way before. It all comes down to markers being in the know and just being fair. I'd say majority of the time it always is fair and the markers have a clue of what's going on (same for bookers). The C.C. have put in their time for the federation just like we as writers have- so we should be every bit appreciative of the work they've done and will keep on doing.

Hey, it's a price celebrities pay- whether it's right or wrong doesn't matter, it's the truth. I glanced into them, you'd have to be a loyal fan to really appreciate it. Oh and Unplugged is my current favorite Nirvana CD.

MAIN EVENT - TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Team ANGER (Christian Fury and David Cross) © vs. Hollywood Boulevard (Todd Cortez and Ghost) vs. Revolution Zero (Sean Davis and Toxxic) ~Todd and Ghost. BATTLE OF THE BEHEMOTHS Carnage vs. "The Icon" Max King ~I'm thinking Carnage will get the win in a close match. OBLIGATORY HARDCORE MATCH FEATURING DANNY DAGDA Danny Dagda vs. Manson Manson. CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins © vs. Kaine ~Spike.

Dace Night is my marker for a hardcore match? Fuckin' right.

Man flying school is a total bitch. Oh and quick, not-quite-related question. Why the hell is my Playstation II not finishing the "reading the disc" now? For all CDs it just doesn't end up finishing the process. Any ideas?

Three Dog Nights- Momma Told Me Not to Come.

Well I guess that finally kills off the American Sweetheart reuinion tour. ...In all seriousness Pete, congratulations and hope all works out well.

Main Event – SWF World Championship Match Toxxic © vs. Carnage ~Toxxic. Cruiserweight Rules Match Kaine vs. Ghost ~Flip a coin. Cold Front Classic Quarterfinal Match! #1. Landon Maddix © vs. #9. Christian Fury © ~Maddix, but I'm rooting for you Fury. Cold Front Classic Quarterfinal Match! #4. Todd Cortez © vs. #5. “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins © ~Could go either way, I'll go with Cortez. Cold Front Classic Quarterfinal Match! #3. Sacred vs. #6. Manson ~Sacred. Cold Front Classic Quarterfinal Match! #2. Max King vs. #7. David Cross ~King. Penn Station Brawl for the Hardcore Gamers #1 Contender Slot Sean Davis vs. Danny Dagda vs. Austin Sly ~Davis. Fury's right, the chances of me showing are about as slim as the Berlin Wall com- wait, oh? Okay. Fuck. I prolly won't show but I can pretend, right?

He's still at large. Oh and Agent needs to encounter a platypus.