The Ill One

All I know is I marked the fuck out for a Fallout mention.

I guess it wouldn't hurt to start. But Munich, sorry to hear about the anniversary and also disappearing while on AIM last night. Like I said before- if you don't want the match then it's totally fine if you want to throw the match out. Whatever works for you guys, man.

If Munich doesn't want to or won't be able to write- then I don't mind tossing the match away. I was just looking for a match to just show for now that I'm back on the boards in about a week or so. But it's all up to you guys (Being Creative Control and Munich).

Nah, I'm still alive with intentions to show.

I am both shocked and awed by Scott Keith, I wouldn't even be able to fathom what words would slip out of my mouth in the heat of the moment. ...By the hair? Or just by him? Either way a picture would be funny.

Well, Dace help me out here, it's more of an "elevated reverse DDT" not being bitchy- but there is a difference.

Last time you punched somebody: Friend for being a stupid fuck while I was on the phone with my parents. I don't care how funny you find screaming "VAGINA" in an Australian accent drunk is, I'm going to fucking nail you. Last time you ate meat: Today. Last time you got arrested: Well, I've never been officially in cuffs yet but last time I got talked to was last Tuesday. Last person you sent an e-mail to: Damned if I know. I don't. Last regret: Blowing off my girlfriend. Last time you wore a suit: Funeral in New Jersey. Last country you visited: USA Last injury you suffered: My upper jawbone is still a bit swollen due to a fight. Last family outing: New York's Ballsack (New Jersey). Last item you put on your credit card: ...Don't have one. Last beer you drank: Sam Adams' Last movie you watched in full: Pulp Fiction Last time you lied: I never lie. Wait, shit, right there. Last meal you ate: Microwavable chicket pot pie. Since I woke up at lunch time. Last time you laughed: Watching SNL's "Behind the Music: Blue Oyster Cult" Last video game you played: Grand Theft Auto III (Yeah, still hasn't grown old on me). Last album you listened to: Dunno since I download. So I'm going say "Battle of Evermore" by Zeppelin for song. Last time you said 'I'm sorry': Uh, a few days ago when I made a bit too harsh of a joke to my girlfriend. Last sport you watched: Boxing. Last time you said 'This is the last time': No clue.

Surprising?

Huge sorrys to TBS, Zed, and the fed- I wasn't thinking when I threw up the unfinished match stuff. Sorry. - (Dallas, Texas is jam-packed and well noted tonight as the American Airlines Center is absolutely on fire! Ground Zero comes back to life as the worn torn and bombed arena watches a piece of pyro like a mortar hit the entrance- lighting up the whole arena with an amazing multicolor display! Cyclone Comet and Bobby Riley’s voices are heard over the rowdy crowd!) “Welcome back loyal citizens! We are shaking Dallas’ American Airlines Arena while rewriting history with such an eventful pay-per-view!” Comet exclaims. “Even I’m willing to admit it looks like a great night. Toxxic snagging both titles, seeing Flesher in action, Maddix nab the upset, Ace, and the 42nd Street all triumphing over their opponents. Oh God, yes, this is a good night,” Riley says. “Ahem,” The spandex Crusader cuts in. “Don’t you think those opinions are a little biased?” “Truthful, Comet, truthful.” “But now you’re going to see a stipulation and tradition that the SWF prides itself on its creation. It is the beloved Mall Brawl!” Comet hypes. The fans roar in approval. “We’ve taken a good six men who fit perfectly for such a monumental return of the MALL BRAWL! Right near the arena is Northpark Center Mall where we’re going to crash unaware and uninvited!” Comet explains. “We’re not even really sure if this is legal, but hey! What’s the worst that can happen? Holding our show back at Craven’s crib, right?” Riley asks which causes many fans to chuckle at the balding man using slang. “We are ready to see Petey the (Irish) Penguin, Edward James, Ryan Dustin, Austin Sly, Vlad ‘The Corona’ Everheart…” Comet’s voice trails off. Riley pounds the desk like a drum set in a familiar beat that’s just getting butchered. “MY CORONA! M-M-M-MY CORONA!” Comet groans in disbelief. “Pardon me, Robert, because I’m not too updated on pop culture. But wasn't the song 'My Sharona' and not Corona?" Comet asks. “Well, uh…” Riley stutters in embarrassment. “Now Robert, ignorance is not an excuse! Whether something this trivial or something much more horrendous, ignorance isn’t an excuse,” Comet preaches like an after school special. “Just get on with it Cyclone!” Riley barks back in bitterness. “But this also features a mystery man, who even we don’t know yet, but I’ve heard this will shock everybody! How this works is all of our wrestlers will brawl inside the mall. Anything’s game in order to find the balloon where a golden ticket is inside. First to find that wins this portion of the Mall Brawl Saga!” Comet proclaims. “We have over ten crewmen planted over the mall, more than fifteen referees, and we’ve installed our own clever hidden cameras with color and audio everywhere in the mall! Thanks to technology you’ll also be able to see the screen split into fourths or halves if necessary. So you won’t miss a heartbeat of this match! So without further delay…” Comet says and his arm gestures to the gigantic SmarkTron. It glows to life and soon the picture is crystal clear. -- The Northpark Center Mall is crowded as ever as the SWF has made its unknown arrival! Some fans hop into their cars and get to the gigantic mall, complete with three floors and hundreds of stands, shops, art, and attractions! Soon a picture of five SWF wrestlers all huddled around the map kiosk in the center on the first floor. The opponents all cluster in packs where they feel safest- Sly and Edward both having a stare down. Ryan Dustin and Petey the (Irish) Penguin casually point out pubs they could stop at. Meanwhile the masked Vlad Everheart carefully focuses on the map in hope he won’t get lost within the mammoth mall. “That’s great and all, but did the sixth man miss his flight?” Riley jokes as there are only five out of six competitors there. As if that were the cue a familiar song begins to blare at the mall. “Godzilla” by Blue Oyster Cult kicks up and the fans back in the arena nearly wet themselves in excitement! The Boston Strangler comes striding towards the kiosk at his intimidating stature of 6’9” and rather menacing face. He takes off his headphones and puts down his I-Pod before stopping in front of all the men, towering above them. “The Boston Strangler is the mystery man!” Comet has to yell above the fans. “Oh come on!” Petey yelps with his heavy brogue as Strangler just smirked. “Eh, could use more cowbell,” Riley says. “But Robert, this is the SWF legend Strangler!” Comet proclaims. “I got a fever, baby, and the only…” Kivell shoots out a blank, making half the mall dropping in terror of the echoing gunshot, and causing the Mall Brawl to start! DING! DING! DING! There’s a moment of sheer awkwardness where nobody makes a move and cautiously begins to wander off on their separate ways. “Hey! This isn’t a treasure hunt, you guys are supposed to fight!” Riley hisses. -- Everheart mercilessly shoves Cutthroat through the swinging bathroom door with men doing their business leap in panic. “Thankfully I wore my stain resistance khaki pants!” One man sighs with relief as he gives the thumb up sign, cheesy grin, and looking down at the urine that slides right off his pant legs. Everheart barks at Cutthroat, “Where is it?” “I don’t know!” “You said you did in the food court!” Everheart yells in disbelief. “…Uh….” Cutthroat feebly replies and quickly gets thrown onto the tile wall of the bathroom! In an act of pure desperation he grabs a handful of liquid soap from the dispenser and chucks it at Everheart! Which accomplishes nothing but an even more pissed off Vlad! ”Luckily he wore the mask, man, that soap can sting when it gets in your eyes,” Riley comments off hand. Vlad leaps forwards and snatches Cutthroat in his vicious grasp. He turns him upside down in a tombstone position as he inches near the filled, broken urinal! “Uh-oh, somebody call Craven, quick!” Comet jokes. As Cutthroat gets dangerously closed to the urinal he resorts to drastic measures usually never taken. Ripping a page out of Roja Kamien’s book he chomps down into Everheart’s crotch! A collective groan is heard from every male watching as Vlad releases Cutthroat, who hits the ground, then scurries into an empty stall. But the ever persistent Everheart just grits his teeth and stomps to the stall. Cutthroat’s frantic to lock the door and he fumbles, allowing Vlad to swing it open, nearly ripping it right off its hinges! “…How could he rebound so quickly?” Riley asks. “I’m not sure, Robert,” Comet says wondering the same thing. “…Maybe since he’s always lived in cold weather, there’s like, you know… permanent shrinkage?” Riley suggests. “Enough,” Comet scolds. Vlad grabs onto the back of Cutthroat’s neck and thrusts his whole head into the dirty toilet! “How vile, but I guess it does prove that Cutthroat’s a piece of crap!” Comet jokes. “...What’s that? Oh yeah, I can hear the crickets chirping,” Riley’s sarcasm is venomous. “Know…” Comet begins. “You know- that guy didn’t have the courtesy to flush, God, I hate that! Didn’t put the seat down either… but I guess it is just males in the bathroom…” Riley says. “Where is it?” Vlad growls as Cutthroat’s response comes in bubbles that overflow onto the toilet like a witch’s cauldron boiling and bubbling. Soon there’s no response and Vlad’s aware he never gave Cutthroat air. “You know- urine’s sterile. You can drink it,” Riley quips as Cutthroat’s body goes totally limp. Everheart lets go and glances around before walking out, kicking the door shut behind him, and whistling innocently while walking away. -- Petey the (Irish) Penguin and Austin Sly continue to brawl on the step of the escalator, going punch-for-punch. It reaches its final step and the two don’t notice, knocking them both on their rear ends. The two scramble to their feet and collide in a grapple, bumping into random people as they battle their way towards the closest store. Without intending to the two opponents stumble into a store. Once the two realize what store they’re in they both stop fighting and just stare. “Why they’re in ‘THE Teddy Bear’ store! Homage paid to every cute, cuddly bear and even a tour of how bears can be made!” Comet explains. The store is lined with rows and rows of stuffed teddy bears and on the far right hand side is a vat of industrial superglue being stirred, next to it a mountainous pile of fluff and fur, but yet none of that can compare to the center piece. In middle of the store rises a tall, glass Winnie the Pooh statue! He’s sitting down with his glass honey pot in between his spread legs. Both wrestlers glance at each other maliciously before they before to slug it out again! They each inch towards the massive glass tribute and are nailing each other with expert punches. But soon Austin gains advantage and he hooks Petey in a front facelock! Grabbing a hand of a fluff he lifts the Squawker into the air with intent of shattering the beautiful work of glass art! But suddenly salvation is there for the (Irish) Penguin because Adorable Edwin comes sprinting into the store! He leaps out and kicks Sly’s kneecap with expert aim! “Think Petey taught him that trick?” Riley jokes tastelessly on the IRA’s habit to kneecap people. The Squawker (Punk Rocker) is able to free himself and land on his feet, shoving Sly against the glass! It teeters on the brink of falling but remains standing. Austin shoots up a leg and nails Petey square in the jaw! He reels back and smacks against the Care Bears shelf, completely dazed! But Mini-MacPhisto has Petey’s back as he attacks Austin’s shins! He just scoops the Celtic Misfit firmly in his grasp and turns around, tossing him carelessly through the air! Everybody gives a collective gasp in the area as the soaring Adorable Edwin finds himself quickly descending upon the vat of glue! “Maybe it’ll break his fall,” Comet says hopefully. With a huge splatter and yelp the Mini-MacPhisto finds himself engulfed in glue! As if he was a mini-Swamp Thing he slowly rises out of it but Austin’s a step ahead of him! He grabs a hold of an overstuffed teddy bear and smacks it onto his foe- causing him to lose balance and fall into the pile of fluff and fur! Petey the (Irish) Penguin gives a battle squawk from behind and quickly charges! -- Having pissed off the wrong man Petey the (Irish) Penguin finds himself at the mercy of The Boston Strangler. Lifted high into the air with a hand crushing his throat he stares around for somebody to help him. In a panic he thrashes his legs about but Strangler only gets closer to the railing of the second floor, below being a vendor’s stand for the ultimate Lego playhouse. “Man those things are plastic, that’d kill!” Riley says. Yet again a Guardian Angel descends upon Petey in the form of a midget! The furry, slimy, and fluffy Mini-MacPhisto leaps out of the nearby trash can… sinking his teeth right into Strangler’s leg! He can’t help but to grimace and free Petey just in knick of time. Suddenly the pursuing mall security presses forwards. “We’ve got a code red, dog with rabies!” One yells as Edwin turns his head and runs off. “A talented dog- can run on hind legs! Prepare tranquilizer darts! Over!” The security guard clicks off the radio and sprints after Mini-MacPhisto. “Sparky isn’t going anywhere else tonight, oh not if I can help it!” -- Strangler turns around the corner and screeches in halt, staring in disbelief. In middle of the mall stands Pedro the Clown, holding a gigantic cloud of red balloons, refusing them to every little child who asks! The hopeful veteran charges forwards and shoves Pedro over the railing head first, not caring, and instead snagging the balloons! He tugs them down and begins to stomp, bite, and rip every balloon open! Babies and little kids scream, parents watch in horror, and the mall security is quick to respond! “My God,” One says slowly. “WHERE IS IT?” Strangler screams as spit flies from his mouth as he continues his popping spree. “Sir,” One approaches very slowly. “WHERE IS MY GOLDEN TICKET?” The mall security circles around Strangler like a wild beast and everybody slowly draws out their tranquilizer gun. “Yes, we’ve got a Code 35789368905638973, that’s right, this man got bitten earlier. We believe he has rabies,” the man informs the rest of the mall. TBS looks around at the mall security closing in as he begins to get frantic- demolishing every balloon. Finally there’s a sound of compression, a sound of a dart wheezing in the air, and the sound of a 6’9” man thudded against the floor. One last red balloon floats away slowly. “Bag him up, take him outside,” The man says. “This job just never gets easier.” -- -- Austin Sly rips through the crowd with his quick speed while the enraged Celtic Misfits are right behind him! “I guess they don’t take having their Mini-MacPhisto stuffed into a garbage can and thrown down a fleet of stairs!” Comet yells. Then at a good fifty feet away Sean Daly turns around the corner and spots Sly, him too now charging at the cocky Missourian Messiah. In a wave of desperation and panic he tries to get bearings on his surroundings. Then he sees his perfect escape in the store just a few strides away. … At the Scooter Store. He bolts into the store meant to provide challenged elders with easy, electric mobility at the ultimate convenient electric scooter! Petey the (Irish) Penguin waddles with all his speed right behind Sly while the rest of the brigade is close in pursuit! The cameraman isn’t quick enough to capture the pandemonium inside but the noise tells the story. Suddenly Austin is putting the pedal to the metal- racing out of the store with a high-jacked electric scooter! “The chase is on!” Comet cries. Petey the (Irish) Penguin is seen through the store window hopping onto one and revving it up! Suddenly there’s a loud shattering of glass as Petey finds himself barreling through the display window in reverse! He gets snagged on the frame of the store while everybody turns their heads in disbelief. “OH COME ON!” The Irish(penguin) yells as he tries to get himself readjusted without any luck. Like an old villain Sly laughs diabolically as he makes his daring escape! “Don’t worry Petey, we’re here!” Wallace exclaims with the now fur and fluff infested Mini-MacPhisto on his shoulders! “We’ve got your back!” The two charge into the store as employees try to stop them from high-jacking more of their scooters! Wallace plops down onto one as Mini-MacPhisto is desperately trying to reach the pedal on his. “How sly of Sly, brilliant!” Riley cries out. “How unoriginal of you!” Comet blurts back. Wallace stares at all the employees, linked by their arms in protest. He debates how to escape in his head before opening his big, alive blue eyes. He draws a long breath in… “FFFFFFFFFFREEEEEEEEDDDOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!” He slams the gas and comes towards the employees before the scooter suddenly collapses under Wallace’s massive weight! Mini-MacPhisto, however, is stand on the gas and barely able to see above the machine. The workers have no choice but to leap out of the way as the pissed off vertically challenged Adorable Edwin speeds his way to escape. “For such a small citizen he has such a big heart. I salute you!” Comet says proudly. But again the Celtic Misfits are foiled as mall security, armed with nets on a long pole, snag Edwin right off the scooter! “Got you, you stupid dog! Sparky isn’t coming out to play anymore, boys!” The hick security guard exclaims as they dump him into a plastic garbage bag. “That’s a very durable kitchen bag,” Riley comments. “Finally got myself a dinner for tonight, no more Hungry Man microwaveable pieces of heart-clogging’ crap!” Another one squeals in excitement. Comet shifts his weight nervously in his chair. He gives a nervous chuckle. “Why our proud sponsor of Hungry Man is more than satisfying!” Finally Petey gets free from the frame and sees Sly having trouble worming his way through the crowd. “Don’t scoot away from me, lad!” Petey shouts as he honks the pathetic horn, clearing the path. “They’re traveling at such breath-taking speeds!” Riley says with total sarcasm. “Now Robert, they must be traveling at least ten miles an hour!” Comet retorts. “This could end in a true disaster!” Suddenly Petey the (Irish) Penguin is at ramming speeds, challenging the very engine of the fine machine. He smashes onto the tail of Sly’s scooter, knocking the groceries bin off from behind! It bounces behind and nails Sean Daly who ends up reeling back clutching his forehead. Daly’s forehead seems to explode open with blood that gushes everywhere. Bystanders yell in terror as Daly’s forehead puts every Quentin Tarantino movie to shame! A massive puddle surrounds the Celtic Misfit who is just staring in disbelief at the fountain of crimson gushing out. “Oh come on, that’s just excessive!” Riley proclaims. Sly can’t make the turn due to congestion and stares right at the store he’s so close to crashing towards! “My God, Petey’s doing a kamikaze attack!” Comet yells. Again the Squawker smashes against the back of Sly’s machine before he suddenly screeches to a halt while Sly is sent flying on a destructive path! “Abandon ship!” Comet screams in terror. “The gas pedal is jammed!” Austin panics. “Well, duh,” Riley says. Seconds away from collision Sly makes an incredibly brave leap for his life, hitting the tile floor and not really rolling much at all. But the scooter proceeds forwards at tracing paper shattering speed! BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! The scooter drives right there the window and into the store’s display case where it suddenly causes an explosion of epic proportions! The fire ball nearly engulfs Sly who’s covered his arms over him in desperation. “HOLY SHIT! That was squawking awesome!” Petey can’t help but to blurt out like a teenager. “Jesus!” Riley cries out. “That’s the most excessive explosion I’ve seen since the last Lethal Weapon movie!” Comet looks over in disgust. “You saw that?” “Well, uh, I like Mel. He’s a sweetheart,” Riley says. Everybody stares as the smoke wisps in the air, triggering emergency water sprinkles in the vicinity to go off. As the smoke fades everyone sighs in relief. “Oh thank Moses it was a Macintosh computer store- otherwise we could’ve been hit with a lot of lawsuits!” Comet says at the empty store that’s now been blown to bits. Petey rolls up to his feet and is distracted by a woman caught in the unfortunate position of wearing a white underneath the sprinklers. “Ah, there’s the gratuitous and totally unnecessary T&A!” Riley says. -- -- “Sir, we have an intrusion at Victoria Secret. Apparently two wrestlers tore the store apart and shattered the desk… then some short dog was dry humping the model’s poster…” The head security guard had worked years at his mall. He was in his fifties, portly, graying hair, and a weathered face. He sighed and clicked the radio off. He’d been working too long and too damn hard to let some wrestlers just turn the mall upside down. “They chose the wrong shift to cause havoc in my mall,” The guard snarls. He snatches his radio. “Junior!” “Yes sir?” “See what these wrestlers are seeking…” “Excuse me, sir?” “Did you hear what I said, son?” “Yes… sir…” “Then don’t question my authority damn it!” He snaps at the inferior security guard and he slowly sits back in his desk. He stares at the security cameras with the wake and newly born chaos due to the SWF’s invasion. “Wrong damn day, bitches,” he spits. Standing up and slinging on a gun holster over his shoulder. “Wrong damn day,” he mutters. -- Edward James and Ryan Dustin are clashing in a vicious battle of strikes as Dustin uses his speed to match James’ awesome power. Bystanders leap out of the way or cheer on as they are shoved by the crowd into the direction of the huge KB Toy Store! “Well the citizens have spoken and Dustin’s always one to deliver,” Comet says. Dustin glances around at the fans who all point towards the store. He shrugs and knees James right in the gut, then grabs a hold of the huge Edward and tosses him into the mouse trap display pyramid!

"I can make it on my own." *sniffles* So tenacious and strong! Spirit that could inspire all! ........Uh-oh, I left some food in oven, I gotta' go! -- Ahem, yeah, I've liked the recent updates but I couldn't get into the new game.

So I guess, like in the good old days, you can just boast or gripe about your word count (or lack there of). I'm actually making progress and am around 3k fluently with about a thousand or so of spots I decided to do then link together. Where you guys at?

Yeah... but I think the best part of that picture is the booze bottle next to him. Who the fuck would want to drink in middle or after that?

Just of tonight- 5). "Immigrant Song" Led Zeppelin 4). "Gonna Be a Black Out" Dropkick Murphys 3). "Bombshell" Operation Ivy 2). "Ice Ice Baby" Vanilla Ice (okay, really "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" AC/DC 1). "Hate Breeders" Misfits

Just hit 5k and still just doing portions.

'Less Janus is already done with his match then I think I've channeled his spirits. I've hit 4.5k(ish) and this is just clumps and chunks I feel like writing. Hot damn it feels good to write a match with hope.

I met a guy who once started smoking just in spite of those commercials. But what insanely annoys me about non-smokers is they never shut the fuck up about the awful "cancer stick." Trust me, we know it can give us cancer, smell, bad teeth, and all that shit. Everybody and their grandmothers know it because they keep fucking jamming it down their throat. But we choose to smoke anyway. I remember seeing a website by mothers called "Crusade to Stop Cigarettes (CTSC)." Which provided for some of the funniest moments on the internet.

MAIN EVENT TRIPLE THREAT, WORLD TITLE BOUT, TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS Janus© vs "The Superior One" Tom Flesher© vs Toxxic ~*Drools.* I'll run with Flesher for now. TAG TEAM MATCH TAG TEAM TITLE BOUT 42nd Street© vs Andrea Montgomery & The Birdman ~42nd Street but I'd mark for an Andrea/Birdman win. TRIPLE THREAT NUMBER ONE CONTENDER BOUT; SUBMISSIONS MATCH Jamie Drazon vs Ace Lezaire vs Dace Night ~Jesus! I'm playing Switzerland. SINGLES MATCH ICTV TITLE BOUT Johnny Dangerous© vs Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix ~Hmmm, I'll go with Maddix! SINGLES MATCH USJL TITLE BOUT Manson© vs "The Icon" Max King ~Manson to retain. HARDCORE MATCH HARDCORE TITLE BOUT Martin "Big Country" Hunt© vs Sean Davis ~Ooohh, good match. I'll go with Davis. SINGLES MATCH Ced Ordonez vs Munich ~Munich. SINGLES MATCH ??? vs Candace ~Don't doubt the ???. MALL BRAWL V Austin Sly vs "The Corona" Vladimir Everheart vs Edward James vs Petey the Irish Penguin vs Ryan Dustin vs ??? ~Well not I. But you for anybody struggling- use The Celtic Misfits to your advantage. I'm thinking Dustin or Sly here, really.

Man with that guy's picture signature and the "I need more cowbell" thread, there's been a lot of love passed around for Walken.

Wow, this is a first. Already hit roughly 2k and have store listings, floor plans, and some decent ideas. Hurray for sudden 180* turn... 'til I lose! Edit: I'm assuming we can tack on our own ideas such as stairs, escalators, stores, etc?

I don't think so, I think it's not straight to video.

Fucking yes man! I'm going to show with this mall brawl, I swear it on my left nut. I also picked up some writing (grammar) books while I had to snag a few textbooks. Great card and good luck to everyone.

I'm not anxiously waiting but I'll get around to seeing it eventually.

That's probably my favorite Will sketch and ranks up with top moments.

I smoke a lot recently (Kamel Reds) but coming back to the whole "man smokers are fucking inconsiderate." In a way I agree you should be able to just move if it really bothers you... not to put non-smokers into a conscending poistion but still. Anyway I always ask when I'm around non-smoking friends if they care, in a car, and if there's a crowd I won't bother because I don't want to get them bitchy.

I caught season two during re-runs and it's quite the guilty pleasure.