Gary Floyd

Probably not the actual Kamala.

How do you make a slasher flick with potential a bad movie? When you are WWE Films. First things first: See No Evil is not the first movie WWE films produced, in spite of what some will tell you. It was actually co-producer of Scorpian King and The Rundown (the latter a pretty damn good action flick). It is the first though, in movies that had potential to be to be a watchable B-Movie, but somehow manages to fuck it all up. The plot: A group of juvenile delinquents who you don't really give two shits about have to clean up an "abandoned" hotel, only to run into a reclusive psychopath with mommy-issues named Jacob Goodnight (played by Glenn "Kane" Jacobs), who proceeds to knock them off. Oh, and he loves gouging out his victims eyes (hence the title, which is essentialy a bad pun. Better than the previous title of Eye Scream Man, though the thought of Kane as a killer ice cream man is amusing. Hell, he was a dentist.) While there's some decent kills (including a nice bit with a cellphone), the movie also manages to get this right: sleaze. The flick oozes with the kind of seedy vibe found in late 70's and 80's era exploitation movies. Unfortunately, Jacob is not exactly a very threatening villain, as he's just another stock slasher with mother issues. Oh, and we get to see him punish the pope. Yep, Vince McMahon was involved with it! Another problem is the filming style. The whole thing, directed by former porn director Gregory Dark (he of New Wave Hookers and White Bun Busters fame) feels more like Saw lite instead of a slasher movie. What could have been a fun throwback to 70's and 80's slasher flicks like The Toolbox Murders and The Slayer ends up being another hyper edited, annoying horror flick. In short: Once again WWE films fails, only here it's for the first time. Oh, and no Vince, people do not want to see Kane spank it. Rating: 3 out of 10.

~OH NOES! Also, why did I respond to this?

No matter how hard I try, I can't get into Burial's "Untrue. The new Wu-Tang Clan album is just ok.

After giving it a listen, I have to add "We Are Him" by Angels of Light to the list somewhere. Also new to my list is Dormant's "Beneath the Mighty Oak"

It's the Catholic League who hates it.

Yeah, Christmas Albums The Christmas Cocktails series are worth every penny. That's good too, since they are cheap. Loungy takes on old Christmas classics, and Dean Martin (among others) Christmas on Death Row boasts one awesome song in Snoop's "Santa Claus goes to the Ghetto", and a whole bunch of filler-including cliched gangsta rap, r&b, and new jack swing. Mariah's album has "All I Want for Christmas Is You" and "Miss You Most (At Christmas Time)". It's worth it for those alone. Yeah, I don't know what they were thinking either. Jethro Tull's Christmas album is actually one of the better Christmas albums, in the fact that you can listen to it regularly. Granted, it's no Thick as a Brick or A Passion Play, but it's still pretty good.

Listened to yesterday Listened to today

I don't care what anyone says, "More than Words" is an awesome song.

Yeah, well look for the anti-religious content to be toned down considerably. Also, except for some cool action scenes (particularly the polar bear fight), it's pretty lackluster. Sorry about that.

I gotta get that sometime.

There's bad movies, and then there's WWE Films. Ok, I take that back: "The Rundown" was pretty fun. This one is no Rundown though. It's mearly a poor man's "Battle Royale" with a tacked on moral message. The plot: A new reality show exclusive to the internet has been created by a bigshot Hollywood producer (Robert Mammone). The show puts 10 people on death row on an island, and gives them 30 hours to live. Among the contestants: Jack Conrad (Steve Austin, who does an good job), whose like, got a family you know; and McStarley (Vinnie Jones, who steals the show), who's the sick villain you love to hate. Oh, and there's some message about how violence is wrong. That's right, WWE is telling you that violence is wrong. What could have been a decent action movie is ruined by some poor performances, stereotypes, overly realistic violence (World Wrestling Entertainment is making a STATEMENT!), a generic soundtrack (come on, Nickleback? Though Grame Revell's score is competant), preachiness, and more. While Austin, Jones, and Masa Yamaguchi do commendable jobs, the rest of the cast is a poorly written blend of dumb kids weened on violent video games (World Wrestling Entertainment is making a STATEMENT!), a sterotypical greedy Hollywood bigshot, the concerned female, the worried wife, and thugs and rapists. Character actor Rick Hoffman (he of "Hostel" and "Cellular" fame) has a performance that could have been better if the screenplay by Rob & Andrew Hedden, who are writers for WWE, knew how to write interesting characters. Speaking of WWE, the movie is yet another example of how WWE Films essentially fails to deliver on the dumb but fun kind of spectacle you would want. A movie like "See No Evil" could have been a decent throwback to the Slasher flicks of old, but instead was just "Saw" lite. "The Marine" could have been a decent afternoon action flick, but failed even at a rudimentary level. Here, "The Condemned" also could have been a fun action flick, but is bogged down by a preachy message, which reaches MST3K movie levels of ineptitude when the reporter asks the audience "Are we the condemned?" In short, while they are laughably bad, WWE Films so far has yet to create an enjoyable B-Movie. But hey, who needs that when World Wrestling Entertainment is making a STATEMENT! Too bad for them that Paul Verhoven, George Romero, and even Eli Roth have too, and to much better success. Rating: 3 out of 10.

That would be pretty good. I'm going to review "See No Evil" next, though I don't have it in me to watch "The Marine" again.

Oh, don't act like you didn't like that Manowar picture I posted. Anyways, I had a weird dream that I walked in on Alan Kalter having sex with Leena. I have no idea what this means.

1 1 Enchanted Buena Vista Pictures Distribution $17,023,000 $70,620,000 2 3730 2 2 This Christmas Screen Gems $8,400,000 $36,891,000 2 1858 3 3 Beowulf Warner Bros. Pictures International, Paramount Pictures $7,882,000 $68,613,000 3 3249 4 - Awake MGM Distribution Company, The Weinstein Company $6,011,000 $6,011,000 1 2002 5 4 Hitman 20th Century Fox Distribution $5,800,000 $30,204,000 2 2468 6 6 Fred Claus Warner Bros. Pictures Distribution $5,500,000 $59,783,000 4 3420 7 7 August Rush Warner Bros. Pictures Distribution $5,150,000 $20,354,000 2 2310 8 11 No Country for Old Men Paramount Vantage, Miramax Films $4,501,000 $23,030,000 4 995 9 5 Bee Movie Paramount Pictures $4,471,000 $117,643,000 5 3150 10 8 American Gangster Universal Pictures Distribution $4,278,000 $121,732,000 5 2699 11 9 Stephen King's The Mist MGM Distribution Company $4,245,000 $19,255,000 2 2423 12 10 Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium Fox Walden $3,250,000 $26,322,000 3 2860

Eh, there's several reasons why 4chan is called the asshole of the internet.

The Giallos Flame-"Profondo Giallo"

That's right, lets talk about the movies of John Carpenter. It doesn't matter if it's Halloween, Big Trouble in Little China, The Thing, They Live, Prince of Darkness, hell even his Masters of Horror Episodes. To start: Escape from New York has a really bad ass cast.

Mu Bloody Valentine is supposed to be getting together for a few festivals (most likely something like Cohella), but that's all I've heard. New Portishead? Sweet.

Karlheinz Stockhausen is dead.

Nitzer Ebb-"Join in the Chant"