Ace309

Happy birthday, Johnny! Don't start too big a fire, though. You wouldn't want to give away your secure, secret location.

Thanks for the update, Aec. Please relay my sympathies.

THE MAIN EVENT - HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Insane Luchador vs. Jimmy the Doom vs. Spike Jenkins vs. Scott Rageheart ~ My money's on Rageheart. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Cruiserweight Exhibition - Non Title Match Michael Cross © vs. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix ~ Maddix if he's motivated. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Special Welcoming Committee Match #2 ??? vs. Manson ~ Never predict against MANSONOSITY. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Special Welcoming Committee Match #1 Tom Flesher vs. Kerry Staunton ~ np as always -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Opening Bout Ghost Machine 3.0 vs. Ced Ordonez ~ GHOST MACHINE~!

It's that harmony that leads to everyone being perfectly normal the next time they're on TV.

Can I please not do this again? I'm trying to be a good sport here, but the match, she burns.

I had no idea that robots had emotions now. Of course, if Danny's hippocampus regrew, it would be interesting to say the least. Maybe we'll bring Danny back a la Piper or Tatanka to beat up on rookies.

Interesting. I think I can see where this is going, and I like it. I also like Amy's default position as a foil for Toxxic. It's very useful for these promos, even though it started as a way to avoid having to write Toxxic again. heh Good show.

It still doesn't make a lick of sense to punish Raven by pouring beer down his throat, is all I'm sayin'.

It's like the Ring of Honor straight-edge angle from a few years ago, where Raven, whose father was an alcoholic, did the WORST THING EVER to CM Punk, who is straight-edge, by tying him in the ropes and pouring beer down his throat. Weeks later, Punk got revenge by pouring beer down Raven's throat. ... listen, I didn't tell you it made any sense.

Happy birthday to Landon Maddix, the only cockroach I don't squash when I see him scrabbling across my floor and under my fridge! And also to Drew Kelk, the most successful Canadian to enter the fed since Mr. Galatea!

Post snipped and rearranged to group complaints by gist. Wow. Dude, never attribute to malice what can be equally explained by humor. We're just having fun with this, the Denmark reference was just a cute in-joke, and I don't see how any of it comes across as lack of respect for our opponents. Considering that it's a low-card tag match with no particular history to it, we were just trying to have fun and make it a decent read. It wouldn't cost your credibility even IF for some reason we had decided that the way to mock you would be to write a match where your team appeared strong but there was a jovial comedy-match atmosphere surrounding it, so take a deep breath and relax. Mak, of course, was Flesher's tag team partner; King, of course, was Flesher's mentor for his first year in the SWF. It'd be nonsensical to ignore that, particularly considering the lack of traction I got from anyone else when I tried to give Mak a reason to hate Flesher. Meanwhile, in Flesher and Matthews, we have a technical genius and an oldschool dude; in Blank and Bloodshed, we have a stereotypical redneck wrestling like a monster gaijin and a crazy guy. It's illogical to break down the face/heel lines any other way. EDIT FOR CLARITY: Add 'in Japan' to the end of that last sentence. I was aiming for the floating ribs on this one, actually, and not to be pedantic, but just above the navel is an incredibly painful place to be grabbed and squeezed for that reason. That's why a lot of the amateurs do their gutwrenches at the floating ribs.

SWF 13TH HOUR 2006 WORKRATE REPORT by TOM FLESHMUSSEN of the BURNING HAMMER TAPE REVIEW Well, it was an interesting weekend. First off, I hopped on a train and traveled eight hours, from Buffalo to Troy, in order to go see an NWA Empire show being headlined by Johnny Puma. Puma's not bad, although he needs to lose that whole "macarena elbow" thing. Also, Justice's shameless ripoff of Bill Hearford really needs to go. Anyway, when I got home, I was pleasantly surprised to see that the wife had filled the fridge with a growler of Honeoye Falls Double Dark Cream Porter. This whole growler thing is really making me a happy man, since it makes carrying gallons of beer so much easier than cans do. Good stuff, although really more of a dark ale than a porter per se. For my money, I still prefer the Sierra Nevada. Or Brooklyn Brewery's Black Chocolate Stout. Mmm. **** for flavor. But I digress. The SWF's 13th Hour pay-per-view was Sunday night, and thanks to a night off for the Oilers and their daddies, I got the chance to watch this one from start to finish. ~ Landon Maddix and Megan Skye gather the troops in the catering section. (Was that road agent Drew Kelk eating a fried fish wrap in the background? I had no idea he was Jewish.) They try to rally it up by accusing Toxxic - I mean, Michael Stephens - of all kinds of atrocities, but Landon's cried wolf so many times that it's hard to believe him OR the ho. ~ Then, Ben Hardy interviews Matthews, Matheson and Flesher. They don't appear to be taking the Dead Precedents seriously at all, or, for that matter, anything besides Matheson's World Cup pool. (My money's on Trinidad. Tobago's the weak link.) ~ Is that Tokyo X refereeing Jimmy the Doom and Austin Sly? My god, it is! He's up to his usual antics, forgetting to do the most basic things, and as a result, he wanders aimlessly through the match. This is the usual Jimmy the Doom match, where Sly and Jimmy bump like crazy and reverse submissions in ways that are new and exciting. The old-school Japanese fans, however, can't deal with that sort of thing, and so it looks like we lost a few guys in Happi coats. Nonetheless, an avalanche-style Jimmy Bomb gets the duke. ** for creative action. ~ Annnnnnnnnnd it looks like an invasion angle going down. Not a bad start, although I'll be interested to see where it's going. ~ It looks like Grendel's out here, despite clearly having eaten several Danish during Landon's speech. King gives us a primer on cruiserweight psychology, which is interesting, although there are some notable exceptions to his boiling-down of it. (Boiling of it down? This is the sort of arrant pedantry up with which I shall not put!) This one opens up with a test of strength, logically enough (thanks to King explaining that cruisers aren't very strong). We go through an aerial reversal sequence, then a neutral wrestling reversal sequence before the wrestlers trade takedowns and finish off in the INDY APPLAUSE STANCE~! Wildchild knocks Grendel out but stays in himself, keeping his temper in check a little bit. After he gets back in, Grendel starts to take control with a strong wrestling attack, and then some strikes, but WC's just too fast for it. And that's pretty much the story - Wildchild keeps it toned down as they go move-for-move. It seems like he's holding back, but we're not quite sure why. Wildchild continues to use his speed, but still holds back - majistral for 2, and then Grendel gets a Danish - er, German suplex for 2, followed by two more suplexes that get near-falls. Wildchild tries to evade him, but he gets caught and jawjacked on the apron... hmm, is something wrong with him? He seems alright as he counters a baseball slide with a rana! Finally, he lets loose and takes the upper hand with a Bahama bomb, then a senton, and then an Andros Dive! That's what they're paying him to do. Split-legged moonsault gets 2, then Whiplash gets 2, and then a trio of legdrops almost gets 3! Grendel then reverses an Irish whip with a clothesline but collapses, feeling the effects of the match. Slow cover gets 2, and then a MAIN EVENT YAKUZA KICK~! gets 2 more. Seriously, does everyone use it now? WC and Grendel trade strikes, but Grendel gets another near-fall with a whip to the buckles. Grendel tries to keep his strikes solid, but WC catches him and hits a gamengiri for 2! He keeps his momentum, but Grendel counters a bodyblock into a powerslam for 2. Brainbuster, and Grendel goes to the well once too often with the lariat and eats chin music for his trouble. Double count-down, and Wildchild gets the cover, but only 2. They trade strikes again, with Wildchild evading him and going for the cross-body, but Grendel rolls through and pulls the tights ... only 2. Grendel once again whips Wildchild to the ropes... damn, you'd think he'd get it by now. Maybe the mask is cutting off his air supply. In any event, Wildchild counters a back body drop with an inside cradle, but only manages 2. WC takes charge with an elbowsmash, and then goes for a flying elbow, only to eat a Pillman dropkick counter. Ouch. Think he's got him? Grendel sure does, since he goes for Grendel's Curse... but WC rolls out of the way, then snags him with a surprise Wild Ride for 3! The kid's like Dallas Page with the Diamond Cutter - he can hit it from anywhere. Excellent showing, although a little sluggish at the beginning. ***. ~ Up next, Team MatFlesh takes on the Dead Precedents... and... unfortunately, the cable went out. (Jesus. It seems to happen every time Flesher's on my TV. I have the worst luck in the world.) Anyway, I hear this one was good, but probably not as good as the World Cup. ~ And here's a hardcore title match between Spike Jenkins and Sean Davis. Spike refuses to enter the cage early, in a magnificent heel move. He ends up coming in with a chair. He keeps trying to evade Davis, using a stick-and-move approach that doesn't prove terribly effective early on. Chairshot from Spike, and Davis plays possum as Spike leaves the cage to look for another weapon. Davis grabs him through the cage, slaps on a good old Brock Lock, and gets the submission. Spike must be legit injured for this one to go so quickly. It's almost like he didn't even show up. *. Davis is your new Hardcore Champion. ~ Mike Cross finds Akira Kaibatsu bruised and battered. He's got a concussion, probably, and he's too injured to compete. Joe Peters asks Cross to fill in, and Cross steps up! Good man. ~ JJ Johnson (with Michael Stephens) and Va'aiga (with Wildchild) are up next in a King's Road match. Mark Soapdish, who's actually Nick's eldest son, is reffing this one. Very standard King's Road-style match, with lots of no-selling and lots of hard-hitting action. Lariat and Va'aiga Stinger gets the win for the Maori Badass! ~ More to come. Unfortunately, Mrs. Fleshmussen brought out some more of the Honeoye Falls porter, and, well, you know how they get.

My allegiances are clear.

He clearly meant Kaibatsu.

Yeah, I had to cut the bit where the painkillers kicked in and you started reviewing recent films in the style of Hunter S. Thompson.

My entry, meanwhile, is about 9400 words.

THE MAIN EVENT - SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH LAST MAN STANDING Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix © vs. Michael Stephens ~ Stephens. I just think he's got the chops for it. SWF INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - TAG TEAM TURMOIL! (w/out the tag teams!) Aecas © vs. Insane Luchador vs. Stryke vs. Manson vs. Matt "Cosplay Master" Myers ~ Aecas to retain. BATTLE OF THE WORLD TOUR ICONS "The Divine Wind" Akira Kaibatsu - The Seoul Survivor VS. Zyon © - The Patron Wrestler of Athens ~ Zyon's got the momentum here. HOUSE RULES - KING'S ROAD MATCH Va'aiga vs. JJ Johnson ~ Va'aiga. He's just too big for J3 to effectively no-sell and scream at. SWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - CAGE MATCH "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins © vs. Sean Davis ~ Jenkins. Maybe. The Dead Precedents vs. Tom Flesher and Charlie "Grappler" Matthews ~ No prediction, naturellement. Cruiserweight Match Wildchild vs. Grendel ~WC. He's just solid. Austin Sly vs. Jimmy the Doom ~ Sly~!

Oh, god, Edwin's lost it. Someone get him oxygen and tell him everything's going to be alright.

According to all storyline logic, Ian is actually Kevin Coyote. So let's say he's down in the JL getting seasoned.

Easy there, everyone. I can tell you're still a little hysterical, so let me just reiterate... I. AM. O. K. Take several deep breaths, and then return to your daily business like our good friend Wildchild was able to.

w00t.

There's a joke in there somewhere about riding Space Mountain, but I'm not going to be the one to make it. I'm glad your honeymoon went so well, Pete. Here's to a long, happy marriage for you.

Did you hear that Grendel can't wrestle tonight? Turns out he has indigestion. He ate too many Danish.

As far as New Mexico goes: - A quality school, academically - check. It's not Harvard, but what is? Besides Harvard, I mean. And Yale. - A radio program - KUNM, 89.9 FM. - A quality sports program (for viewing, not participation) - the Lobos are always entertaining. - Some wrestling - Are you into MMA? Shit's absolutely huge down there. We're talking Boxcar Ira fighting for a sandwich. It's brutal. - Quality women - well, are you into Latinas?

Congratulations to both of you. I'm glad it went well. What did you do for the honeymoon, if I can be so bold?