Ace309

Pete: We are starting 13th Hour out with a bang of violence in this four-way stained glass window pain match! King: Well that was a mouth full. Pete: As for the rules, the match will start in the ring and end…someplace in the Vatican city. The winner will be the only person not thrown through a window… The fans in the Vatican are going insane as 13th Hour begins with these frightening words… “The world is a vampire!!” The fans rise to their feet as the “Maniac” himself Bryan Rodgers makes his way out to cheers and minor boos from those who simply don’t like him cause of his “style.” Funyon: Coming to the ring hailing from Richmond, Virginia “Maniac” Bryan Rodgers!! “Sent to drai-ai-ain!!” Bryan shows off this “style” by whipping out a Marlboro and lights it. “Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames” “And what do I get, for my pain” Bryan quickly puts the cigarette out though as he knows this could be the biggest match in his career on such a grand stage. “Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game” ”Even though I know-I suppose I'll show” ”All my cool and cold-like old job” After smacking a few fans hands the “Maniac” makes his way to the apron and then calmly wipes his combat boots off before entering the ring. His theme continues as Bryan Rodgers taunts the crowd with his signature “Too much evil for one hand” pinky to lips. Bryan then goes over to a random turnbuckle and checks his taped wrists while he waits for his opponents. The lights in the Vatican dim as the statements… “I’m Born.” “I’m Alive.” “I Breathe.” Appear on the Smarktron as they alternate at an intense rate giving the fans something to look at as “Vitamin” by Incubus blares across the holy city. As the song plays SWF’s newest attraction Zyon makes his way out to the thousands in attendance. The fans give a similar reaction to Zyon as they did Bryan Rodgers. Funyon: Now entering the arena coming to us from Elkhart, Indiana Zyon!! The youth makes his way down to the ring smacking a few fans hands and then leaping on to the apron where he takes a second to view his massive surroundings. Then Zyon grabs the top rope and gently flips himself into the ring landing on his feet with ease. His theme then kicks into the chorus… “You stare at me like I'm a vitamin. On the surface you hate, but you know you need me. I'll come dressed as any pill you deem fit. Whatever helps you swallow truth all the more easily.” Zyon then performs his own signature taunt which is a quick headband followed by a minor intense rising of the arms. The youth then heads over to his own turnbuckle as he waits along with the “Maniac” for one last challenger and then the champion himself. The lights on the Vatican once again dim as “Crusher Destroyer” by Mastodon kills SWF’s sound system as red strobes flash throughout the Square. The fans are once again cheering for yet another SWF face. The cheers only get louder as the man himself Manson enters devil horns in the air. King: Kind of odd for devil horns to get cheers. Suicide King points out to those at home as the no nonsense Manson enters the ring via under the ropes and goes straight to his corner… Funyon: Now in the ring hailing from Denver, Colorado “The Raging Bull” Manson!! Funyon makes the late announcement just as “Man In The Box” by Alice In Chains hits the city… Yes…the champ is here. Funyon: Now making his way to the ring hailing from Easton, Pennsylvania THE SWF HARDCORE CHAMPION INSANNNNNEEE LUCHADOR!!!! The champ comes sprinting down to the ring, but before entering the ring he places the hardcore title to the side and then energetically enters the ring expecting a brawl to start, but the three challengers show some restraint as Luchador makes his way to his corner. King: You know…I really don’t like any of these guys. They should all just kill each other. Pete: Well, that is probably what each competitor is planning. Referee Mark Hebner is in the ring even though to be honest he is only there to witness three men going through glass and that is it. The fans are like a volcano ready to erupt as the ref signals for the bell… DING, DING, DING!!! The opening match for 13th Hour has begun. The all circle around…wait scratch that this is a hardcore opener. The Insane Luchador rushes up to the man who took the title away from him not to long ago…that man being Manson. Luchador places a right had into Manson and then goes to throw him over the ropes and to the outside, but Manson counters and throws Insane Luchador to the outside…or that’s what he thought at least. Pete: Manson better turn around. Manson though is quickly surprised by a right fore arm from the new comer Zyon, which then leads him into Insane Luchador who grabs Manson and performs an inside to the outside suplex on to the concrete floor. Zyon and Bryan Rodgers are left in the ring, but that doesn’t last long as the “Maniac” takes Zyon down with a clothesline, and then sets his sights to IL and Manson who are now on the outside brawling. Bryan Rodgers runs and performs a suicide dive on to the two brawling, which gets the fans to cheer. Pete: What a suicide dive!! Zyon is left in the ring collecting himself after the clothesline that downed him. As he rises to his feet he notices that the other three are on the outside rising to their feet…but not for long. Zyon then sprints and leaps over the top rope and performs a forward flip suicide dive on to Bryan Rodgers and Manson. Insane Luchador saw it coming and got out of the way. Zyon is back on his feet and plays to the crowd only to turn around into… CRACK!!!! Pete: Damn!! King: Yeah I agree… Zyon is knocked silly by Insane Luchador who cracked the youth over the head with a steal chair. Luchador drops the dented chair and grabs Manson up to his feet and the two veterans go deeper into the city. Pete: Folks there is no need to worry, there are SWF cameras planted virtually everywhere in the city. Manson gives Luchador a right hand and then gives him a power hip toss on to the concrete. The fans watching on the Smarktron lets their expression do the talking as they all grimace. Zyon and Bryan Rodgers follow suit as they exit the ringside area brawling. The “Maniac” grabs Zyon who is now wearing the crimson mask and tries to throw him face first into somebody’s home…and succeeds. Zyon bounces off of the house and into Rodgers who then sloppily slams Zyon down on to the concrete. Down the road a little is Manson and the Hardcore champ. The two are battling over a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire!! Pete: Where did they find that? King: I knew the residents here were thugs. Manson tries to slam the bat into the face of Insane Luchador, but the champ holds him off and gives the “Raging Bull” a swift kick to the testicles that drops the “bull” quickly and sufficiently. IL then goes completely sinister and looms over his fallen opponent and jabs the barbed wire into the face of Manson. Each time the insane one pulls away the skin sticks to the bat like glue…needless to say Manson is a bloody mess. The screen splits showing how a bloody Zyon as gotten the advantage on Bryan Rodgers with a right hand followed by throwing “Maniac” into a house back first. Bryan Rodgers crumbles to the ground holding on to his back as Zyon looks around and finds a brick lying around… King: Well this is getting good. Zyon walks over toward the brick, but COMPLETELY out of nowhere Zyon is met with a barbed wire baseball bat to the face instantly dropping the challenger. Standing over Zyon is Insane Luchador who then picks the brick up and looks to the side where Bryan Rodgers used to be…but he is gone Insane Luchador has bigger problems though as Manson sneaks up behind the champ and punches him right in the rib causing Luchador to drop the brick and clutch his side. The champ then turns around and is met with a belly-to-belly suplex that slams Insane Luchador down on to the concrete. Manson then turns and drops Zyon who was trying to get to his feet with an aggressive kick to the head… CRUNCH!!! Pete: Oh MY…goodnight!! My that must have been a mighty strong kick, huh. Actually though it wasn’t the kick which is obvious as Manson is on the ground and pieces of the brick is scattered all over as “Maniac” Bryan Rodgers is the last man standing…but that is later on in the card. Bryan only has a few seconds to think though as Zyon reaches his feet his face totally drenched in red. The new comer runs up and goes for his signature “Snap” running front dropkick, but Bryan Rodgers just side steps him. Zyon though collects himself and lands on his feet just to turn into am attempted barbed wire baseball bat swing…that misses. Zyon was able to duck and then leaps into the air from a crotched position and hurricarana’s Bryan Rodgers down. Zyon tries to get to his feet, but before he can Insane Luchador grabs Zyon and tries to throw him through the dreaded GLASS!!! King: Elimination one…oh wait. King speaks too soon as Zyon puts on the breaks and sends Insane Luchador face first into the building where the window is located. Zyon then grinds Luchador’s face into the brick building causing scrapes and minor bleeding. Insane Luchador falls to the ground and Zyon then performs a quick mudhole stomping before turning into a clothesline performed by a bloody Manson who now has a mighty noticeable lump on the back of his head. Pete: That is just SICK!! King: What the clothesline??? Pete can only just shake his head as the clothesline sent Zyon face first into the building, which then causes Zyon to fall down on the road. Manson then grabs the hardcore champ up still smarting from having HIS face driven into the random building. Whatever idea Manson just had is now gone as Bryan Rodgers grabs Manson and throws him back first on to the hood of a nearby car. Insane Luchador falls back to the ground to collect himself. Rodgers then gets on to the top of the car and forces Manson up there too as the fans back in the arena are getting excited. Pete: This will end horribly for one of these men… King: Just one…this match alone is horrible for all four. Rodgers does a quick Muta taunt and then grabs Manson up and puts him in the position for the “Best Damn Brainbuster EVER!!!” The fans are on their feet, but before the “Maniac” can perform the deadly move Insane Luchador butts in and kicks Bryan Rodgers in the gut causing Manson to simply fall from a vertical position down to the concrete. The Insane Luchador then shows everyone what brought him to the dance as he grabs Rodgers and… ABSOLUTELY KILLS THE “MANIAC!!!” Pete: ….Man! The fans cheer as Insane Luchador just performed his signature evenflow DDT on to Bryan Rodgers on top of the car. Bryan Rodgers limply rolls off the side of the car and down to the concrete as the fans start a “Insane Luchador CLAP CLAP CLAP” Chant. Manson gets back to his feet, but the hardcore champion drops him with an off the car double ax handle. Insane Luchador though gets no time to rest as Zyon walks up and… SMACK!! In one flawless and deadly flick of the wrist Zyon places a kendo stick right between the eyes of Insane Luchador causing the champ to bleed on impact. Zyon throws the broken kendo stick to the side and then… CRASH!!! Sends Insane Luchador head first into the driver’s side window of the car!! Pete: The rules state that throwing the opponent through a car window is not an elimination. King: Did you just explain a RULE to us in a HARDCORE match? Pete: Yes…Yes I did. Insane Luchador falls to the ground as Zyon notices a window nearby that would count as an elimination. Zyon then grabs Manson up as the camera pans on all the wrestlers faces showing that all men are now bleeding like they are the saving graces of a blood bank. Zyon wants to send Manson into the glass, but Manson dead weights him causing Zyon to go for a fore arm, but Manson ducks and maneuvers himself and Zyon near the vehicle and drops Zyon with a… “CONSEQUENCES!!!” “RAAAAAAA” The fans cheer, as Zyon is O…U…. T!!! Manson sees Insane Luchador back to his feet and then slides over the car dukes of hazard style just to be met with a right hand from the Hardcore champion. Insane Luchador then goes inside the nearest building, which turns out to be a church… Pete: Oh boy… King: This could be hate mail waiting to happen. Manson follows as we are once again in split screen mode. Manson enters and quickly spots Insane Luchador who whips a vase at one of his challengers. The vase breaks over the bloody face of Manson who staggers against a window…oh boy. Insane Luchador charges, but Manson snaps out of his daze and also charges and spears Insane Luchador through one of those atonement booths. Outside of the church is Zyon and Bryan Rodgers who are both just now rising to their feet. Zyon staggers over toward the “Maniac” who out of instinct kicks Zyon in the gut and slams him face first into the car. King: Man…whoever owns that car is going to be pissed. Zyon staggers backward toward a window that is apart of the church that the other two competitors are fighting in. Bryan Rodgers charges Zyon who then hip tosses Bryan Rodgers…NEAR the glass. Pete: Oh man that was close. Zyon then goes off screen for a second and then comes back with a…LADDER!! Pete: Now I must ask again, where did he find that? “YEAHHHHH!!” The fans obviously don’t care as they cheer the competitors on. Zyon uses the ladder as the weapon that it is and goes to swing in at Bryan Rodgers who is now standing, but the “Maniac” dodges via ducking. Bryan then uncharacteristically backs away from Zyon and then dives toward the car that is totally thrashed???? Zyon is in pursuit as Bryan reaches under the vehicle and pulls out a “Death Chair” which gets a “pop” from the crowd. Zyon though doesn’t care as he goes to slam the ladder on to Rodgers who is on the ground, but Bryan once again dodges and places a barbed wire chair shot to the left leg of the youth who drops the ladder and clutches is leg now bleeding from the barbed wire. Bryan’s eyes then seem to glow as he reels back and pulls forward chair in hand… CRAAAAACK!!! The barbed wire chair bends over the head of Zyon who lifelessly falls back down to the ground. “Holy Shit!!!” Yeah, that unmistakable chant echoes through the city. Bryan Rodgers then lifts the youth on top of the car that was dented earlier with the “Maniac’s” own head. Rodgers then goes to look for that ladder… The other screen shows Manson and Insane Luchador fighting their way around the church. Neither man has a distinct advantage that is until the hardcore champ finds a scepter lying around. Insane Luchador then swings over hand in an attempt to knock his opponent out, but Manson shows courage by blocking it with his hands and now we have your basic tug o’ war. King: Place your bet Pete who gets it. Pete: I don’t know! Well Pete and the rest of the viewing audience quickly finds out when Manson kicks the champ in the gut and drops him with a Russian leg sweep that was assisted with the scepter. Manson then gets on his feet and proves why some know him as “Manson the Stampede” as he overwhelms his opponent with shot after shot with the golden scepter. “Crack!!” “Crack!!!” “CRACK~~!!!” The hardcore champ is basically motionless as the “raging bull” sets his opponent up for the kill as he grabs Insane Luchador and throws him toward the glass… “CRASH!!!!” Pete: What the… King: ????? Everyone in the arena is stunned cause lying against a wall is the hardcore champ Insane Luchadore as referee Mark Hebner who was in the middle of this storm signals that there is an elimination, but it is…Bryan Rodgers??? A replay shows that Insane Luchadore was indeed launched toward the glass, but the split screen shows that Bryan Rodgers was on top of the ladder ready to go in for the kill on Zyon, but the youth was able to recuperate and he simply tilted the ladder backwards and it sent the “Maniac” through the window… Pete: Well it’s official “Maniac” Bryan Rodgers has been eliminated!!! “RAAAAHHHH!!!!!” The fans cheer after watching the replay as Bryan Rodgers is seen by medical attention that quickly carts the hardcore “Maniac” away from the action. Manson is shocked and a little pissed that his main rival in the match wasn’t eliminated. Manson leaps through the hole where a window used to be and right as he does he is blind sided by a ladder… “CLANNK!!!” The steel ladder falls to the ground as Manson falls backward leaning against the building to hold him up. Zyon calmly walks up to Manson… “SMACK!!!” Zyon hits Manson with a closed right hand…but Manson fires back by kicking Zyon in his hurt left leg. Zyon crumbles to the ground as Manson goes serial killer and grabs some shattered glass and jams it into the head of Zyon who quickly fights it off, but not before the camera gets some blood on it… King: The camera…is nothing in this world sacred anymore??? Zyon grabs his head as Manson looks to continue his punishment on Zyon, but Manson is attacked from behind by the man he almost eliminated. Insane Luchadore kicks Manson in the kidney area a few times before dropping him with a reverse DDT on to the shattered glass. “OOOO!!!” The fans echo as Manson rolls over showing cuts and scrapes across his back. Insane Luchador…well does something insane as he walks up and goes for a standing moonsault on to Manson, but Manson rolls out of the way causing Luchador to land chest first on to the shattered glass. The hardcore champ clutches chest and stomach area as he suffers the same fate as Manson… Pete: This is a bloody, bloody battle. While Manson and Insane Luchador are swimming in the glass Zyon limps his way over to the ladder and sets it up. Zyon then breaks rookie tradition by using his brains as he drags Manson away from the glass. Zyon then lifts the veteran to his feet and drops him with a quick and relatively weak “Decline!!” Pete: That’s that flatliner that he uses. King: And like all spot machines it seems Zyon has to go high risk. Blood has now stained the clothes of the SWF new comer as Zyon slowly climbs to the top of the ladder. Before he reaches the top however Insane Luchador who in all honesty shouldn’t even be walking starts to climb up the other side. Zyon simply looks on and it must be noted that he has the higher ground and should have the advantage… “SMACK!!!” Pete: What a right hand by Insane Luchador… Revenge of the Sith this is not. Zyon though quickly fires back with double the firepower as he lands two punches to the bloody face of Insane Luchador. The two competitors fight each other as Manson rises from the dead…or at least the realm of unconsciousness and releases a weak…whistle??? Pete: A whistle??? King: Yes the dreaded WHISTLE OF ALL IMPOSING DOOM!! Both Zyon and Insane Luchador look down…way down on to Manson who breaks a smile through his bloody face and then goes on to tip the ladder over. The ladder comes tumbling down as Insane Luchador uses his knowledge of the hardcore by leaping off the ladder and landing on his feet…and Zyon… “CRASH!!!!” Zyon falls to the pavement and then seems to clutch every known bone in the human body as Manson and Luchador start a sloppy brawl. The two men who have traded the title now trade rights and lefts, as Zyon is all but dead on the ground. “YEAAAHHHH!!” Did I mention that the fans are absolutely loving this? Insane Luchador gets the advantage on Manson as he grabs Manson and goes to throw him into the side of the church, but Manson puts his foot down literally and then powers Insane Luchador into a power slam right there on the street. Manson then just for good measure places a boot to the head of Zyon who is still writhing in pain from the ladder fall. Manson then grabs the Insane Luchador and leads him into a different building with windows and a staircase…OH MY!! Yes marking out for a staircase since June of 2005. Pete: Where are they now? King: No fricken idea. Manson goes to suplex Insane Luchador on to the staircase, but Luchador places his hand on the railing and forces his weight down on Manson and then kicks off a wall performing an AMZING spinning DDT on to Manson. The DDT totally folds Manson up as Insane Luchador spots a pot just sitting around. The reigning hardcore champ then waits for Manson to regain his composure before…getting the pot kicked out of his hands by Manson. Manson then simply pokes Luchador in the eye... Pete: That eye poke is about as hardcore as I get right there. King: Man insulting you now would be too easy. Manson then finds the pot himself and just LEVELS the champ across the head with it… “TING!!!” The sound echoes as Luchador falls back into what appears to be a living room… King: I guess for one night SWF owns the Vatican. Pete: I’ve just been informed that all damaged goods and materials shall be replaced by the SWF… King: That better not come from my paycheck. Insane Luchador tries to rest against a table, but is quickly met with a kick to his sternum. Luchador doubles over… “Knock, Knock…” King: Ha!! Pete: Could the owners be home? Manson “The Stampede” is confused as he goes up to the door and opens it… “SHATTTTTTERRR!!!” In the door way was Zyon who just crushed a clay pot holding dirt over the head of Manson whose face could easily be sold on Ebay as a work of art. “Let’s Go Zyon Clap Clap Clap!!” The fans cheer as Zyon walks up to Insane Luchador and is met with a lamp to the face that shatters on impact knocking the youth back near the staircase. Zyon blindly goes up the staircase as Insane Luchador gives chase. Once again Zyon has the higher ground and tries to use it to his advantage by leaping on to the Luchador and goes for a hurricarana, but Insane Luchador counters by tossing Zyon over the railing and down to a table…and through it. Pete: Holy…. King: Hey…leave that for the fans to cheer. “Holy Shit!!” And that is exactly what they cheer. Insane Luchador leans against the railing and takes a breath before heading down the stairs and grabbing Zyon up and literally throwing him out of the house. Luchador then beats Zyon from one side of the road to the other where a building is standing, but more importantly a window is in clear view. Insane Luchador then grabs Zyon and attempts to launch him into the glass…and it succeeds!! Or does it? Zyon gets his feet up and somehow uses his athleticism to run up the glass and quickly leap away from it a move only done in the Matrix movies. Keanu Reeves would be proud. Insane Luchador isn’t the least bit proud as he just LAYS into Zyon with a right hand thus proving that Zyon was not the “one” since the “one” could stop bullets let alone a measly punch. The youth staggers backward distancing himself from the window as Insane Luchador dives into the air and goes for a spinning DDT on the street, but Zyon counters by shoving Luchador away and then dropping him with a leaping clothesline. In the background is Manson who staggers his way toward the Zyon/Insane Luchador battle. King: Good to see that Manson is still alive. Pete: Well I’m sure for someone to lose the others may just have to pretty much kill him. King: And all this time I thought you just had to throw the opponent through a window. Pete: King that’s what I…oh never mind. Zyon goes to lift Insane Luchador up, but the resilient hardcore champ drops the rookie with a blatant and LEGAL low blow… “OHHHH!!!” King: It seems even the crowd felt that. Zyon doubles over in pain as Manson comes flying in at a now standing Insane Luchador and hitting him with a…kitchen sink???? King: You have got to be kidding me. Pete: This is the SWF where we use everything including the kitchen sink. Manson then throws the sink to the side as he lifts Insane Luchador up and lifts him up into a firemen’s carry, and goes to throw him through the glass window, but once again Insane Luchador stops the attempt by placing his hands against the window before Manson can turn Insane Luchador into the human dart. “Insane Luchador CLAP CLAP CLAP!!!” The fans cheer for the hardcore champ who could be seconds away from elimination, but not before putting up a fight. Luchador using one hand to block the potential end of his reign as hardcore champion and using the other ARM to beat on the head of Manson who begins to weaken with each blow…and then Zyon appears after the low blow. Manson takes his attention away from the man he is holding in the air to places a swift kick to the bleeding left leg of Zyon, which causes the youngster to crumble to the ground…but the one with the real advantage now is Insane Luchador who slides down the back of Manson and lifts him up for a…”GoreGasm” into the window!!!!!! Pete: This could possibly end the mans career. King: Yeah well it’s to be expected in this violent environment. Manson however values his career and the hardcore title as he flips out of the potential finisher. Manson then grabs Insane Luchador by the head as the fans back at the ring rise to their feet. The look of shock on Insane Luchador’s face says all that needs to be said… “CRACK!!!” However Zyon who plays the role of the spoiler uses what Luchador used on him earlier by placing a stiff low blow on to Manson who is forced to let go of the hardcore champ who quickly takes advantage by tossing Manson THROUGH THE GLASS!!!! “Holy Shit!!!!!!” Like you didn’t see the chant coming. Pete: Oh my god, Manson has just been eliminated. King: And then there was two. The fans are going crazy as the medics that are on standby quickly rush to the fallen Manson who simply fell to the numbers game that was accidentally played by his opponents. No plans, No games, just instinct can be blamed for his elimination. “YEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!!” The fans cheering picks up, as Zyon and hardcore champion Insane Luchador are the only two left of the four. The rookie grabs the champ who then transitions Zyon into his grip as the two brawl back toward the ring!! King: Why are they coming back this way? Pete: Well King you may want to look around… King: Oh…my… King’s reaction is one to expect by a retired vet who is near a ring suddenly surrounded by windows placed vertical and horizontal on platforms that hold them up. King: Were these here the whole time? Pete: Actually yes… The fans cheering picks up as Zyon and the champ make their way down the ramp… “CRASH!!!” Zyon finds himself into the safety barrier…and then over the safety barrier as Insane Luchador clotheslines the rookie over the railing and into the crowd. Pete: The fans getting a little something special tonight. The two brawl their way up the rows as Zyon is really taking a beating as Luchador fires off rights, lefts, left kick, and of course right kicks. The fans after seeing all the blood want to have nothing to do with the battle so they make way mighty quickly…not even Moses had this much pull. The two then start a to decline in rows and floors as they end up behind the crowd. They are now on flat floor fighting it out with Zyon trying to come back, but a couple strikes to that left leg does the rookie in as Insane Luchador then drops the youth with a snap hurricarana. Pete: How can he still perform moves like that? King: Well he is the hardcore champ. Insane Luchador then goes off camera for a moment as the fans cheering doubles! “YEAHHHHH!!!” The fans cheer as Insane Luchador comes back and is not alone… Pete: Good lord he has a table. Pete announces as Insane Luchador sets the table up and lifts Zyon up just to make sure he doesn’t make any false movements. EVENFLOW DDT!!! BLOCKED!!! Zyon blocks the killer DDT and goes for a right hand, but the bloody champ blocks it and sends Zyon crimson face first into the steal railing keeping the fans away from jumping down for an up close and personal view of the brawl. Zyon then staggers backward as Insane Luchador forces him on to the table. The bloody and beaten Insane Luchador once again goes off camera, but the people don’t need a camera to know what is coming. Pete: Where is he…oh wait never mind. King: Yeah you know…we all know. The hardcore champion then reappears in a balcony where those who are having to use binocular vision are getting the shock of a lifetime…they get to stand next to Insane Luchador. The fans are on their feet eagerly waiting to see what happens next as Insane Luchador does what an Insane Luchador does… B~A~L~C~O~N~Y~S~A~U~L~T!!!! The flashing of the Kodak cameras truly show that these men are stars and these men put their bodies on the line to not only hurt the other opponent, but to entertain the fans…well Insane Luchador can go home happy knowing he did one of those things… “OHMYGODCRASH!!!!!!” Insane Luchador goes through the table…and the table alone. Pete: HE IS DEAD!!! King: Fucking spot monkeys… “HOLY SHIT!!!!” The fans are screaming at the top of their lungs, as Insane Luchador must be unconscious as Zyon after avoiding his end is able to recuperate a bit. King: Remember Pete this match can’t end until somebody goes through some glass. Pete: But I doubt the man can even move any more…. Jesus. After a few moments of Zyon’s life flashing before his eyes he some how finds his way to his feet as the fans cheer both competitors on, even though only one is on their feet. Zyon lifts the lifeless Insane Luchador up and practically drags him toward the ring and back into it… Pete: Right where they started from. Zyon then exits the ring and looks under the ring and pulls out a ladder…yeah the crowd does cheer, but nothing can get them to cheer loud enough for what’s getting ready to be brought out. Zyon once again looks under the ring and pulls out a table…but not just any table! Pete: What the…its like a table, but the wood… King: The wood is replaced with glass… Pete: The SWF is really the home for everything inventive. King: I have to agree, but I doubt saying that is going to give us a raise. Pete: I was serious!! Insane Luchador is still the ring not moving as the fans begin to get ancy as Zyon places the ladder and the glass table into the ring. Zyon who has gained a reputation in the Indy’s for being good with ladders sets his tool up… King: Why does he need a ladder? Pete: Well my guess is that Zyon isn’t the strongest guy around here so lifting his opponent up and having enough force to drive him through a table could be questionable… King: Okay…and what is wrong with the top rope. Pete: Oh I don’t know… The blood on Zyon is dry, but the red still covers his face like a pop stars makeup. Insane Luchador face is the same way except his blood to those watching could be a little bit fresher. Zyon then sets the glass table up and then…shows a true moment of being rookie by playing to the crowd… “YEAHHHH!!” Well he does get the cheer he wants. Zyon grabs the champ up and... EVENFLOW!!!! Pete: Oh MY…EVENFLOW DDT from… King: Let me guess NOWHERE!!! King shills just as Pete would as Zyon is spiked to the mat. The rookie made his defining rookie mistake as the fans could sense the end nearing…well if Insane Luchador decides to get back to his feet. Both men are down as Zyon rolls to the outside getting himself away from the glass table…only to get close to more conventional windows. Insane Luchador rises to his feet, as do the fans who start clapping and cheering…and the match isn’t even over yet. True Respect Zyon is able to force himself up and enters the ring and walks into a super kick that knocks him on to the glass table. Pete: That super kick just plainly caught the rookie off guard. King: Yeah you are not a kidding. Insane Luchador looks at the ladder and smiles. He then climbs the far side and everyone in the arena and those sitting at home are starting to get flashbacks from the June 1st edition of Smarkdown. And guess what that is exactly what Insane Luchador is planning except this time he is moving a lot slower. Pete: This was the unorthodox use of the ladder that won Luchador the title. Insane Luchador reaches the top of the ladder and gives off a hop…but the ladder doesn’t tilt so Insane Luchador sets to try again, but Zyon rolls off the table and makes his way up the other side of the ladder, which just throws Luchador’s plan to hell. “YEAAAHHHH!” The fans haven’t been bored for one single second. Zyon now reaches the top, but Luchador shows Zyon how someone with the advantage uses it by placing not one, but two rights hands to the face of Zyon who is now holding on to the ladder with one hand and out of desperation Zyon shifts his weight along with the ladders to the side causing the ladder to tip over sending both men over the top rope and to the floor…and the fans are loving this!!! “THIS IS INSANE CLAP CLAP CLAP!!!!” King: Well that’s a new one. Pete: It symbolizes the match perfectly. Both men are now on the outside both trying to get to their feet first and get the advantage. Both men are writhing in pain as Zyon and Insane Luchador both get to their feet at about the same time. Luchador places a kick to the bloody leg of Zyon’s and then rolls the youth into the ring. Luchador is now the one looking under the ring and pulls out…his weapon of choice. Pete: Luchador has his signature light tube sword. King: Dubbed the Excalibur by some… Pete: Dubbed “THE END” by its victims. Insane Luchador shows the weapon off to a few in the front row as he excites the crowd even more. The hardcore champion then enters the ring for what could be the final conflict. “IN~SANE LUCHA~DOR!!!" One part of the city cheers… “ZY~ON!!!” The other part cheers. True Respect… Insane Luchador waits for Zyon to get to his feet and the rookie does. This signals Insane Luchador to raise his “Excalibur” and right before he attempts to knight his opponent Zyon charges…. “SNAP!!!!!” Zyon performs his patted running front dropkick to the hardcore champs chest knocking Insane Luchador back against the ropes…who then comes off of them with one last wild swing… “OHHHHH!!!!” The fans cheer at just what happened as… Zyon barely ducks out of the way of the swing. Zyon then tries to take control by ripping the tube sword away from it’s owner and goes for a swing of his own…that does NOT connect as Insane Luchador dodges and kicks Zyon in his left leg!! Zyon drops the sword causing Insane Luchador to instinctively want to pick it up, but Zyon goes for a hurricarana, but just doesn’t have enough strength in his whole body let alone that injured left leg. Insane Luchador lifts Zyon up toward the glass table and looks to finish it with a power bomb of some sorts…but the rookie just WILL NOT DIE!!! Pete: Zyon still fighting… King: Well of course I’m sure nobody wants to go through glass. Zyon punches Insane Luchador in the head with everything he has and once again goes for a hurricarana, and sadly he once again cannot force the champ over into the move as Zyon was vertical, but the champ was able to keep his base. Insane Luchador once again brings Zyon up and then without moments hesitation… “SHATTTTEEERRRRR!!!!????” Pete: I don’t believe it… The glass table is still standing, but the tube sword is no longer still together since Zyon on his last hurricarana attempt was able to grab the tube sword and then when lifted into the air the youth leveled Insane Luchador across the face/head region with everything he had. “WHOOOYEAAHHHH!!!” The fans are yelling and cheering as Zyon pulls himself to his feet and then grabs the reigning hardcore champion up and simply lays him across the glass table. Zyon then makes his way over toward the far side of the ladder and climbs it as quick as possible while Insane Luchador is once again bleeding terribly. Zyon goes till there is about four or five rungs left as the fans all rise to their feet in what is something to behold. The blood continues to squirt from the fallen hardcore champ as Zyon grabs the top of the ladder and take a noticeable deep breath and launches himself over the ladder keeping both legs close together…and crushing Insane Luchador through the glass table with an END ALL, BE ALL LEG DROP FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER!!!! Pete: IT’S OVER!!! King: Ok…that was insane. “YEWOOOYEAHWOOOO!!!” The fans are on their feet clapping and cheering like mad as “Vitamin” blares through the city as the medics quickly get to the ring to check on the former champion and the new one…Zyon somehow gets to his feet and limps away a few feet from the car crash that was the end of the match. Replays of the match are shown on the Smarktron as Zyon’s hair spiked up covered in blood, clothes stained in blood, and of course face covered in dry blood smiles and leans against the ropes to help himself stand. Pete: Well King as you noticed Zyon didn’t finish the match with the “Final Flash” but instead chose to finish Insane Luchador with a move that hit or miss would be less consequential toward his near future. King: Did you just try to give a technical reason to a finish of a hardcore match??? Pete: Why yes…yes I did. Referee Mark Hebner finds the Hardcore belt and hands it to Zyon who then takes one last look at the former champion before exiting the ring and heading up the ramp as its made official… Funyon: Your WINNER and NEW SWF HARDCORE CHAMPION ZY~ON!!! “Vitamin” continues to play as the new champ makes his way up the ramp and turns around before exiting and his glowing green eyes scan the audience who are on their feet cheering for him and the other competitors who participated in this war. Zyon then looks down at his first taste of gold and with one hand raises the belt causing the cheering from the crowd to get slightly louder. Zyon then turns to exit… Tables, ladders, chairs, barbed wire, baseball bat, churches, glass, new champion, HARDCORE… And there is only more to come…

The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation presents... SWF 13TH HOUR, JUNE 12, 2005, LIVE FROM ST. PETER'S SQUARE IN THE VATICAN CITY! (10:00 PM EST, 7:00 PM PST; check local listings) (send everything to Chuck Woolery) After the strongest Smarkdown in a long time, the SWF travels from Egypt to the Vatican City for the final stop of the world-wide leg of the It's The End Of The World (And We Like It) tour, and the first stop on the European leg! Feuds have been simmering for weeks, Smarkdown brought them to a boil and added some fresh spice into the mix, and this Sunday in the Vatican, dinner is served! MAIN EVENT 30-MINUTE IRON MAN MATCH Wildchild v. "The Critic" Scott Pretzler -> And so, it all comes down to this. The number one contendership to the Cruiserweight championship happens to be on the line as well, but for these two men there is so much more at stake. After years of trying to start, revitalize, and save the Cruiserweight division, Wildchild -- with some help from Scott Pretzler -- has succeeded in bringing cruiserweight wrestling to the main event of an SWF pay-per-view. After their submissions match and their zero-gravity match, both of these men have all right to be exhausted, but they'll gut it out one last time, for one half-hour, to determine who really is the best. Rules: Twenty-count outside the ring. Pinfalls, submissions, count-outs, and disqualifications all count as one point. The person with the most points at the end of the thirty-minute round will be declared the winner. If the two men are tied after thirty minutes, there will be a thirty-second rest period followed by a sudden-death overtime. SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP Ejiro Fasaki (SWF World Heavyweight Champion) v. Lil' Buck -> And from a story of hatred to a story of... lackadaisicalness? Sorry, the word was in my head. Ejiro Fasaki's reign as World champion has been less than stellar, marked most recently by another loss to Johnny Dangerous in tag competition. Remarkably, Dangerous is unbooked tonight, and after a brief meeting, SWFCC decided that Lil' Buck would receive another shot at the champ. Can Buck pull it out this time, or will Ejiro Fasaki finally start to shine again? Rules: Standard. GRUDGE MATCH Danny Williams v. "The Franchise" Mak Francis -> Does this even need an explanation? Francis has debuted a new move. It's deadly and illegal in Utah, Montana, and the island of Puerto Rico -- luckily, none of those are stops on the second leg of our World tour. Danny Williams has called Francis out, saying that he's resorting to dishonest tactics, something like that. Personally, I wouldn't mind if Mak brought a gun to the ring and pistol-whipped people, but I like feeding into stereotypes. Anyway, Danny's going to try to beat some sense and respect into Mak, and Mak's going to make Danny bleed enough to fill the tank on an H2. Rules: Standard, as far as I know. If there's a stip, you should both know it. LAST MAN STANDING Toxxic v. "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins -> Spiking other people's drinks is not cool, and Toxxic is out for blood. God only knows what Toxxic took (LSD), but whatever it was it was most certainly against the rules of straight-edgedom, and anything that makes Toxxic break his Zen-like control over his body's intake is cause for a beatdown. Jenkins has been itching for his shot at Toxxic since Indonesia, and now he gets it. Careers have been ended in Last Man Standing matches... and with Toxxic's fury, it's more than likely that Spike Jenkins will be the next name on that list. Rules: Disqualifications and count-outs do not apply. A pinfall or submission is cool, but in order to win the match you must render your opponent unable to stand up for ten counts. SWF INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP LET MY PEOPLE GO! MATCH Arch Griffon (SWF International Champion) v. "The Dean of Professional Wrestling" Jay Hawke -> Griffon and Hawke have issues, all of which revolve around the International Championship. In Jakarta, Hawke retained his belt through rather... nefarious means, and Sean Combs was so outraged that he granted Griffon an immediate rematch. In Seychelles, Griffon made good, walking away with the belt. In the Vatican, somebody's going to walk away with the belt... can Hawke become the first-ever two-time International champion, or will Arch Griffon prove that Hawke just can't win by himself? Rules: Restholds have been outlawed for this match. It will be referee Nick Soapdish's discretion as to what is and what is not a resthold. When he spots a resthold being applied, he will make a certain signal to an organist who has a church organ set up at ringside. The organ will blare. This is the signal to release the hold. If the combatant doesn't do this, the organ will blare a second time about two seconds after the initial sound. This will get rid of annoying five counts. If it blares twice, the attacker is disqualified. SWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS Martial Law ("Urban Legend" Todd Cortez and Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix, SWF Tag Team Champions) v. THE MYSTERIOUS ARMY (??? and ???) -> Manson and Arch Griffon are booked. Wildchild is booked. So Joseph Peters and Tom Flesher made some phone calls, and here's THE MYSTERIOUS ARMY to take on Martial Law for the tag belts. It should be fun... and MYSTERIOUS. Rules: Standard tag. SWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP STAINED GLASS WINDOW PAIN MATCH Insane Luchadore (SWF Hardcore Champion) v. Manson v. "The Maniac" Bryan Rodgers v. Zyon -> Look at all the stained glass windows in the Vatican City. Let's smash them. Rules: A competitor is eliminated when they are thrown through a stained-glass window. The last man remaining in the match wins.

I have a complete tag match that was properly marked. I unfortunately had some tech difficulties that are delaying the show, but it'll be up soon.

MARKERS: Don't send things to Chuck Woolery! Ace309's the wave of the future! ... seriously, I've got what he's got for now, but send the rest of it my way. Promos included.

They also lack penii.

My wild-arsed guess is that, when I covered for Toxxic/Cortez, I referenced a storyline taking place in board promos without beating the reader over the head with that; the reader missed it, for whatever reason, and assumed I was covering badly. In order to justify that rating, however, I'll also have to postulate that the reader skipped Danno-Mak and Pretzler-WC, and instead read Slater/Zack Morris slash.

Whelp. Lockdown scored a 2.0, and with the beginning of the month we were downgraded from **** to ***.

Does Shark Boy have the registration? The original post implies (saying "he trademarked it five years ago") that he registered, but JOTW's post above says that he didn't. I'm inclined to believe he's unregistered, in which case the suit isn't likely to shake out in his favor on the merits. Though they're both entertainment, movies and sports are just different areas and there's unlikely to be confusion. If Shark Boy had the name recognition of a Hulk Hogan or a Stone Cold, maybe, but not at the level he's at now. Disney, otoh, is ridiculously risk-averse. I wouldn't be at all surprised if they bought him off. - Ace, most definitely not a lawyer

I never revealed that Dante Crane was really Pimp Daddy Sarp.

I don't have the text, unfortunately, but... "NO! This is not a joke! I AM NOT A JOKE!"

Well, shit, Jay, it's not going to debate itself.

'Penises' is correct. In the Latin, it would be 'penes.' In board canon, it is appropriate to say that someone 'lacks penii,' but I would say 'No pobo!' to that.

So, uh, what crime did he commit now?

Shining Black is a Yakuza Kick from the Shining Wizard setup. Chono does it.

This is on the card now, btw. And a shining wizard is a kick or knee, depending who uses it, to the back of a sitting or kneeling opponent's head, using the opponent's leg or knee as a "stair step" to get the appropriate height.

Just noticed this. Give the rest of us a little credit. Flesher's a great writer, but anybody can lose to anyone on any given day. Pfft. No I can't.

Crash Holly is dead. ::cocks gun:: Sorry, WC, but you know the rules.

FYI, the official limit is 230. Like the rest of the divisional rules, this was enacted by Taamic Fiat and implemented in the Flesher/Clark match when Tom returned after a month or so off following losing a ladder match at Clusterfuck to Wildchild (when WC won the Cruiserweight Championship). Tom had ballooned from 213 to 235 over the break, and eventually cut to a walking-around weight of 231 when he got in shape. For cruiserweight matches, he would come in (and be announced) at 229.9 to heel it up and do the cruiserweight-bully schtick. Similarly, the twenty-count on the outside was created to allow Flesher to do more bullying outside of the ring, and the rule against throwing an opponent over the top rope was implemented to allow Flesher to throw an opponent over the top rope and then deny it. When I decided to make revitalizing the division a pet project a few months ago, I started really pushing for the rules to be used in every cruiserweight match. They seem to be accepted, and I'm happy to see the division doing its thing without necessarily focusing entirely on the belt.

Let's hear it for the man with the funny hat!

I'll see what she can do for you.

I've been informed of their identity. I'm excited. So, not the jobbers. Mike will tell you.

You're confusing heel heat with X-Pac heat.

We're doing one of those weird "angle" things.

Mike was concerned that there were two apparently contradictory promos involving how the No Gravity match came about. He asked me what to do, and I told him to pick one. I assume that's where it went.

The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation presents... SWF SMARKDOWN, JUNE 6TH, 2005, LIVE FROM THE CAIRO INTERNATIONAL STADIUM IN CAIRO, EGYPT! (8:00 PM EST; 5:00 PM PST. Check local listings.) The Cairo International Stadium seats 75,750 people. However, feel free to pretend you are in fact writing the Memphis Pyramid. On second thought, don't. All materials (marked matches, promos, unsolved riddles of the Sphinx) due to Chuck Woolery by: 10:00 Eastern 9:00 Central 8:00 Mountain 7:00 Pacific MAIN EVENT - TAG TEAM FACE-OFF Ejiro Fasaki © and "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins vs. Toxxic and Johnny Dangerous ~ Ejiro's going to make his first title defense on pay-per-view in St. Peter's Square, and who better to sharpen him than perennial challenger Johnny Dangerous? Johnny may or may not see action in the PPV main event, but he's always rising to the top. Meanwhile, there's no love lost between Spike Jenkins and Toxxic, and they're always ready to rage through the ring. Rules: Standard. Use the tag ropes. Word Limit: 5500 Send to: Chuck Woolery MATCH TWO OF THREE "The Critic" Scott Pretzler vs. Wildchild ~ Match One, a submission match, gave Pretzler the duke. This time, the stipulation just might fall in Wildchild's favor. Only time will tell. Rules: They know it, not me. Word Limit: 5000 Send to: Ace309 - god, I love these guys. HOLY FLURKING SCHNIT! DID I BOOK THIS? Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix vs. Lil' Buck ~ How can we say no to booking two of the SWF's top competitors in a dream match here in Egypt? We just can't. Rules: Standard. Word Limit: 4500 Send to: 5_moves_of_doom CRUISERWEIGHT EXTRAVAGANZA - NON-TITLE Insane Luchador ©© vs. "The Dean of Professional Wrestling" Jay Hawke ~ Hawke has made it clear where his sights are set, and it's not on the Cruiserweight Championship. Still, tonight he gets a chance to impress the booking committee and make an impression on Arch Griffon by taking on the Cruiserweight Champion! Rules: Standard, with cruiserweight addenda: Throwing the opponent over the top rope is an immediate disqualification. The count on the outside is 20, not 10. Word Limit: 4500 Send to: chirs3 POP THE CROWD-O-RAMA "Maniac" Bryan Rodgers vs. Uncle Filthy ~ Rodgers gets the stage for a while. Why? Because the crowd loves him, that's why. Rules: Standard. Word Limit: 3500 Send to: Chuck Woolery OPENING MATCH Zyon vs. Martin "Big Country" Hunt ~ Hunt's the welcome wagon, and Zyon's the new neighbor! Let's see what he's got. Rules: Standard. Word Limit: 3000 Send to: Ace309 Opening Promo: Unclaimed Plus - This is the last show before we finish the first leg of the It's The End Of The World As We Know It Tour (and I feel fine) with an epic pay-per-view in the Vatican! Shame Muhammed Koran isn't around for it. Let's see some promo action!