Ace309

It's in the pinned "Upcoming Television Dates" thread.

That's right, I'm blatantly stealing something else from King. Get over it. For a variety of reasons, I'm irritable and PO'd today. Cheer me up and I will bestow blessings upon you.

There's a funny story with that. It must include the phrase "like a lovesick puppy" for full effect, though.

Yeah, but on the bright side, girls 5'2" and under love me.

I have it on reliable evidence that Edwin takes it up the ass.

Landon, go to your room. Johnny, it's not polite to fight back. You're both going to bed without your supper tonight.

Section.

Johnny's not a heel, no. On the other hand, Hawke and Dangerous have some history as opponents, and so while it's not logical booking in the Hayhurstian jurisprudence's sense of the term, it falls under the "Wacky tag partners who hate each other" exemption under 13 S.W.F. Booking Law 2803, "Proper tag-team booking (§ 15)." It also qualifies for the "Weird Stipulation Exemption" under 2803 § 17 (the "Danny Williams provision"), which provides in relevant part that in stipulations where all partners are in the ring at once, and where violence against a tag team partner is equally likely as violence against the opponent, grudging working-together is the proper means by which to convey the team property of the two independent wrestlers, and that failure to do this fails to qualify as "proper ring psychology" under 1 S.W.F. Booking Law § 1 ("Terms, Definitions and Ways to Screw With Johnny").

Johnnie Walker Black, neat. Just leave the bottle.

The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation presents... SWF SMARKDOWN, MONDAY, APRIL 4, 2005, LIVE FROM THE METRAPARK ARENA IN BILLINGS, MONTANA! (8:00 PM EST; 5:00 PM PST. Check local listings.) Send everything to Chuck Woolery The SWF travels to Big Sky Country as Smarkdown invades the Metrapark Arena in Billings, Montana! Toxxic, on the heels of a victory by Scott Pretzler, defends against another wrestler who failed to pick up the duke in that deadly four-way. Mak and Spike give it another shot! All this and more on SMARKDOWN! Opening Promo: JOHNNY DANGEROUS! World Championship Toxxic © vs. Todd Cortez ~ It’s been a long time coming for Todd Cortez. He’s been at the top of the midcard for a long time and finally gets his chance at glory. Will he take home the gold, or will Toxxic continue his dominant streak? Rules: Standard. Word Limit: 6000 Send To: chirs3 Cruiserweight Title “The Critic” Scott Pretzler © vs. Wildchild ~ Wildchild just wants his shot, yo. There's no love lost between these two, from Wildchild attacking Pretzler when he was commentating to Pretzler making WC tap in the fatal four-way last week. Finally, they settle it one on one! Rules: Standard with cruiserweight addenda – 20-count on the outside, and throwing an opponent over the top rope is disqualifiable. Word Limit: 5000 Send To: Chuck Woolery World Title Contendership – Pure Rules “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins vs. “The Franchise” Mak Francis Special Referee: Tom Flesher ~ Try again, boys. Rules: Pure Wrestling rules with the rope breaks and the punching and the NICE LADY! Word Limit: 5000 Send To: Ace309 Cruiserweight Match Ejiro Fasaki vs. “The Dean of Professional Wrestling” Jay Hawke ~ God, I love Ejiro. Don't you love Ejiro? Jay Hawke might not. They're not exactly the best of friends, and while Hawke is an old-school purist, Ejiro is trying desperately to shake his demons. Let's see how this one works out. Rules: Cruiserweight rules. Word Limit: 4000 Send To: 5_moves_of_doom Singles Match Arch Griffon vs. Li’l Buck ~ Arch Griffon is successful. Li'l Buck is a rapper. Eh, whatever. Rules: Standard. Word Limit: 3500 Send To: Justice You Jerk That Curtain! Manson vs. JJ Johnson ~ Manson plays welcome wagon to JJ Johnson, a silent but deadly mixed martial artist! Rules: Standard Word Limit: 3500 Send To: Dace59

I'll take it pro Bono. Pay me in U2 CDs.

There's a great commercial I just saw on the Food Network for Cars.com. This guy's sitting there listing his car, and his wife goes, "Who'd want to buy your lime-green hatchback?" Your car is legendary, man. Legendary.

You'd be surprised how many people called and asked for the legislator, or who wrote thank-you letters for the wonderful personal correspondence.

The letter you got from your state legislator was written by a high schooler, edited by a college kid and stamped by his chief of staff. He looked at it, once, the first time they mailed the form letter, six months ago.

*chortle* Limey. +1.

9:37 PM Vatican time. It's 11:05 Vatican Time and 4:05 Eastern now, so about 2:37 Eastern.

Signs his checks "SIKE LOL2004" V

What can I say? I'm naive. Half-drunk already, and it's only 6:15 AM. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Minor celebration held here.

Sigh. Amateur wrestling's never going to catch on.

Congrats on making the top 10, too, K-man. I wasn't sure if you were still reading, but damn, nice job.

The Pope has received last rites once before (after he was shot), according to my local Fox affiliate's noon news show yesterday. Today's morning show has basically consisted of Popewatch 2005. One of my friends has money on a Cuban cardinal becoming the next Pope, although I'm personally thinking that they'll replace John Paul with a cardinal from Africa.

Fucking hardcore marks. Ladies and gentlemen, I salute you. Your next beer is on me.

(6:11pm) (Toxxic_Sucks) Then you're a lucky Superior One, aren't you? She'll get mad when she finds out that I'm a rudo in bed. (6:12pm) (Toxxic_Sucks) BACKDROPAAAAAAAAAH~!? * SuperiorOne pulls hair, slaps her around, then cums on her face and denies it. I actually don't, but it's funny. * SuperiorOne shaves his pubes so that he can complain of having his pubic hair pulled every time he gets laid (6:14pm) (Toxxic_Sucks) You want some odd things out of sex, Tom * SuperiorOne also cheats to finish first. I start as a face on the date, opening doors, bringing flowers and stuff then in bed I turn heel anally. (6:17pm) (Toxxic_Sucks) I'm just anal "Tom, that's my ass!" "No it's not. And anyway, I get a five-count." (6:18pm) (Toxxic_Sucks) That needs to be set as a topic

Wildchild was WAY overdue for his shot. Unfortunately, W&D is a bit due for a defense as well, so hopefully that'll work out soon. Toxxic was getting antsy to defend, and with Johnny having just won the new belt, he wasn't available. I realize Cortez hasn't had much success lately, but he DID just have a real-life injury (how's the back, man? I know it's a bitch), and he's been in line for a Jésus push for a while. Todd also made an admirable showing against Toxxic's win for Pretzler last night, and it shook out nicely. Koran got the night off because I didn't have anything for him to do that someone else wouldn't fit better. Yeah, I could have had him fight Johnson, but Manson presents a better stylistic matchup, and I think this Johnson guy's got a good mind for wrestling. Griffon vs. Li'l Buck... well, it's a big fat white guy against a rapper. How could I not? And yeah, I'll admit it. I gave Fasaki and Hawke cruiserweight rules for the sole purpose of seeing if Memphis Heels Anonymous' newest twelve-stepper can resist throwing Hawke over the top rope when the ref isn't looking. I LOVE YOU EJIRO!!!!!! ::