Ace309

The crowd at the Dunkin Donuts Center gives a huge round of applause as the lights begin to dim. Funyon hurries down the entrance ramp and is soon seen climbing the steel steps leading into the ring. “This should be quite the match”Longdogger Pete states as the Suicide King takes a sip from his beverage. “Should be decent, but truthfully neither of these guys has impressed me lately.” “We’ll tonight we have two hardcore style wrestlers going at it in a hardcore rules match up. It should be pretty explosive” “Yeah…I’ll let you know when I’m dazzled” Funyon quickly goes for the mike as the house lights begin to dim. A spot light find the announcer as the crowd begins to quiet. “Ladies and Gentlemen the following contest is a hardcore rules match. Introducing first…he hails from Newark New Jersey…please welcome…DANNY DAG-DAAA!!!” “Tearing Everybody Down” by Anti-Flag kicks up and the bursts of red pyro followed by pyro cascades down from the SmarkTron and blankets the front entrance ramp! Dagda steps out through the pyro’s and just struts down to ringside. The crowd reacts with a response Dagda has long been accustomed to. The bog man from New Jersey is carrying a steel-folding chair into the ring and the odds are pretty good he’s not planning on sitting on it. BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! “And his opponent…he hails from Parts unknown…please welcome…CARRR-NAGGEE!!! A fountain of white and red pyro’s explodes from the stage area. Carnage rips back the velvet curtain and makes a beeline to the ring. Both his manager Frisco and the Asian beauty Candace follow him closely. Carnage is carrying a wooden baseball bat wrapped with barbed wire and has a maniacal look in his eyes. He wastes no time in acknowledging the fans and immediately slides under the bottom rope and goes after Dagda. The referee…practically useless in this particular style of match…quickly signals for the bell as both men meet in center ring. DING! DING! DING! WHACK!! Dagda immediately fires a chair shot at the head of the approaching SWF resident maniac. The shot seems to have little effect as Carnage smashes Dagda across the shoulder with the barbed wire bat. Blood instantly begins to flow as Dagda rolls out of the ring and onto the arena floor. He is followed closely by Carnage with bat in hand. “Carnage being the initial aggressor in this match” Longdogger understates. “About time!” Carnage once again nails Dadga across the back as the big man hits the floor. Several large lacerations are clearly visible on Dadga’s back as blood begins to flow quite noticeably. Carnage shows his sympathy by firing a series of punishing kicks to the head and back of Dagda. BLOOD SPORT!! BLOOD SPORT!! BLOOD SPORT!! As Dagda struggles to get to his feet Carnage makes his way to the steel arena stairs. He grabs the top part and approaches Dadga from behind. CRASH! “Oh my God” Longdogger yells as Carnage sends the steel ring stair crashing into the skull of Danny Dagda. “Ok…I’m starting to be impressed” Carnage grabs Dagda and rolls him into the ring. The eyes of the New Jersey native are rolling in the back of his head as Carnage pulls him to his feet and effortlessly hoists him into the air. YYEEAAHHH!!! “I thing I know what’s coming” Longdogger states as a sinister smile flashes over Carnages face. “I’m freaking positive” CRASH! Carnage drives Dagda skull first into the center of the ring with his trademark Tombstone Piledriver. Dagda quivers briefly before slumping limply to the mat. “Thanks for coming” Suicide King states sarcastically. Carnage folds Dagda’s arms across his chest as the referee quickly makes the count. ONE! TWO! THREE! “That was brief” the King offers as the referee signals for the bell. DING! DING! DING! “The time of the match three minutes and 9 seconds…the winner…CARNAGE!!” BOOOOOOOOOOO!! Carnage immediately rolls out of the ring and grabs Candace by the hand. She appears shocked by his action as he pulls her into the ring. “Oh my what is going on now?” “Who the hell knows with this clown?” Carnage mumbles something to Candace as Frisco appears bewildered by his actions. Candace looks on in disbelief as well as Carnage reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a small black velvet box. As he opens the box Candace appears shocked. A sparkling one-carrot diamond engagement ring is waved in front of her eyes. “What the hell? Is this freak proposing to her in the middle of the ring?” The King asks as Carnage falls to a knee. “That’s a first!” Carnage appears lost as she looks pleadingly at Frisco. The controversial manager motions for her to get out of the ring. She says something to Carnage but once again the mike fails to pick it up. The SWF Resident Maniac slowly gets to his feet as Candace appears to be pleading with him…again the microphone is useless in this situation. “Dunkin donuts makes great coffee…but evidently their audio equipment sucks” the King bristles as he tries to figure out what is being said in the ring. Carnage suddenly rolls out of the ring and storms back down the entrance ramp and to the backstage area. The audience is a buzz as Frisco enters the ring to talk with Candace. He quickly takes her hand and leads her up the arena stairs and away from the locker room area. A look of concern is visible on both Frisco and Candace’s face.

"Bitch" is playing over the speakers as we return from the break after the opening promo. Standing in the ring, looking very stunning in her shimmering silver suit tonight, and holding a microphone in her hand. The Women's Champion begins to speak before either Pete or Suicide King can get a chance to talk. "Now I know you all are pleased with the fact that the Royal Order hasn't been doing that well recently, but you better not get used to it anytime soon." Kelly says. "After all, things only can get better when you're talking about someone as great as Max King...as he will prove tonight on his own, showing you all that this was just some bad cheating on our opponents part. So give it up for the man of the hour...someone who I know all you women are waiting to see and all you men are wanting to be..."THE ICON"...MAX...KING!" *BOOOOOM!* "Superstar" starts to play over the speakers and the crowd's reaction is obviously less than stellar as "The Icon" makes his way out. "Max King hasn't been doing well in the tag ranks, as Kelly has made mention to in her introduction of him. It seems that he and Korgath just haven't gotten a way to get on the right foot..." Longdogger Pete notes for the crowd. "That's just because their opponents have been lucky up until this point. You know it, I know it, and anyone with an I.Q. more than 20 knows it. Which will obviously not the case with these morons of Rhode Island..." King steps into the ring, but it's apparent that he has a lot on his mind right now as he doesn't even go for his pre-match make out session with Kelly. He simply goes to the center of the ring, warming up as he waits for his opponent to come out. "It's rare to see King so focused for a match like this, even ignoring Kelly for the moment. He must be really angry at the fact that he hasn't been getting wins in the recent months." Pete notes. "That or he and Kelly did something with Kelly before the..." Pete stops Suicide King before he gets a chance to finish. "I don't think anyone really cares to know about the personal lives of those two." He interrupts. "Gimme Shelter" starts to play up next, and the reaction from the capacity crowd does a complete 180 degree turn upon the music playing as King's opponent steps out from behind the curtain. Funyon: And his opponent in this one fall contest, from Dallas, Texas...standing 6'4" tall and weighing in at 260 pounds...MUNi... Before Funyon gets a chance to finish the announcement for Munich, and before Munich can finish up his traditional pre-match entrance routine, Max King rushes out of the ring to get on the attack. Munich seems to be ready for it though, almost as if he expected King to come out of the ring, and slugs The Icon right in the face when he's within range. King gets knocked back down the ramp a few steps, and Munich is there to keep up the assault, continuing to slug away with hard fists all the way down to the ring. Munich takes the head of King when he's at the ring, and slams it as hard as he can onto the ring apron before rolling him into the ring. *DING, DING, DING!* "And this match is now officially underway, and King is getting just what he deserves for trying to start off the match the way that he did!" Pete notes. "Bah, that's just your opinion on the matter!" Suicide King states. "Munich should have just taken the beating that he was going to take like a man!" King rolls towards the other side of the ring to step out again, trying to regain his composure as his plan "A" didn't work for him in this case, but Agent 27 follows "The Icon" out of the ring, not allowing him any moment of rest. The match pretty much officially starts off as a chase, with "The Icon" trying to out run Munich on the outside of the ring...until Kelly gets into the path of Munich as King passes by. "Oh now come on!" Pete protests. "Kelly knows that Munich is against attacking a woman, and now she's just causing a distraction and moral debate for the agent!" "And it's a perfect tactic too! Look at King come from behind, and a hard clip into the legs of Munich! See how smart 'The Icon' is?" King grabs onto the leg of Munich while he's down on the arena floor, making sure to listen for the referee's count so he isn't counted out of the ring, and while on the arena floor holds up the leg of Munich and drops a leg right across the knee, causing a scream of agony from Agent 27 on the floor. "The Icon" grins at this, rolling into the ring and DEMANDING that the referee start to count Munich out. One! TWO! THREE! FOUR! "This is amazing, Pete! This match could be over before it ever really got started!" Suicide King notes. "Yeah, thanks to Kelly and King's sneaky, despicable ways." Pete notes. FIVE! SIX! "You sounded like Cyclone Comet there, Pete." King notes, sounding disgusted at this. On the outside of the ring, as the count reaches seven, Munich claws with all the fiber of his being to grab a hold of the ring apron, pulling himself up because his leg isn't giving him all the strength that he needs to climb back in. Rolling in under the bottom rope proves to be a bad strategy for Munich to get into the ring, as King rushes off of the ropes and drops a hard elbow right into the face of Munich while he's still on the mat. King reaches down and pulls Munich back up to his feet, but instead of keeping him on his feet he ties Munich's arms into the ropes, keeping him trapped there so he can't fight back like he might want to...grabbing the leg of Munich and kicking away at it while the ropes hold Munich vertical. "Now this has to be stopped right now! It's bad enough that King cheated his way to attack the legs of Munich while on the floor, now he's cheating right into the face of the referee by using those ropes!" Pete notes. "Who cares? Munich should have expected this when he made it public that his legs weren't in the best of health!" King notes. The referee FINALLY gets on the case of Max King for the attacking style that he's using on the legs of Munich, and King replies in turn by hitting Munich with a clothesline, knocking him over the top rope and back onto the arena floor. Munich tries to land on his feet, but as he tries his legs give out from under him, causing him to fall onto the arena floor clutching his leg. King then tells the referee to start the count again. ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! "It seems to me Pete that King isn't concerned with HOW he gets his win, as long as he gets the win that he wants in this match!" Suicide King notes. "What a smart move by King!" "What a cheap move...he didn't want to have a competitive match tonight is my assumption, and that's probably why he's just content with the count out win instead of an actual victory!" FIVE! SIX! On six, Munich rolls back into the ring, but this time King is unaware of the fact. Munich climbs back onto his feet with the help of the ring ropes. King turns around to taunt at Munich outside of the ring, however for his troubles he gets kicked in the gut with the lesser hurt leg. With King doubled over from the kick, Munich reaches up and quickly snaps "The Icon" down onto the mat with a DDT, taking him down in the middle of the ring. Munich rolls King over onto his back, going for his first attempt of a win with a pin cover! One! TW...Kickout by King rather early. "I don't know what Munich was thinking in this moment, there's no way that he would have been able to get a win that early on someone the skill level of King!" Suicide King notes. "He was hoping to get a win, and with his legs being attacked like they were by King in the early bits of this match, he's going for whatever he can get." Pete notes. "That may have been all he can get though..." King manages to get back up to his feet before Munich can after the kick-out, going to kick Munich in the face while he's still down on the mat. Munich manages to be ready for "The Icon" and his attack though, grabbing the leg before it manages to connect with flesh, and twisting it as hard as he can to bring King down flat on his face. Munich, using the ropes to pull himself up to his feet, twists at the ankle of King while he has the chance, apparently trying to make King's leg in the same condition of his own as he twists at the ankle of King with an ankle lock! Agent 27 manages to let go of the ropes before the referee starts to count him out due to this...twisting away at the ankle of "The Icon" in an attempt to keep him down on the mat. King struggles with all of his might though, and manages to twist his body enough so that Munich gets flung somewhat across of the ring and off of his feet. King slides out of the ring, where the Women's champion is waiting on the outside to check up on her man. "I think that King was surprised that Munich still had something left in him after what he did, and now he's gone out of the ring with his tail between his legs." Pete notes. "King isn't a monkey...or a Rhode Islander, same difference. He doesn't have a tail!" Suicide King notes. Pete sighs. "It was a figure of speech, King..." Connelly pulls a towel out from, surprisingly, down her skirt...using it to wipe off "The Icon's" forehead while he stands on the arena floor. Munich comes on the other side of the ring while Max is getting his "special treatment"...pulling him away and slamming the back of King's head onto the arena floor by pulling King's hair. Munich pulls King back up to his feet again while he's on the floor, and tosses "The Icon" back into the ring again, not about to let King get his breath back, ready to slide back into the ring, but unfortunately for him he forgets about the Women's Champion, who quickly swings her fist right into the...lower extremities...of Munich. "That's the way Kelly, don't let Munich cheat his way to an advantage!" Suicide King notes. "Great team wrestling by King and Kelly right here, Pete..." "THIS ISN'T AN OFFICIAL HANDICAP MATCH, KING!" Pete protests. "Kelly had NO business whatsoever doing what she just did to Munich." Munich is just hanging onto the ring apron, "The Icon" managing to distract the referee by holding him by his shirt in the ring. Kelly, using all the strength that she has in her shapely body, pushes Munich back into the ring, where Max King is waiting and posing for the crowd. "Listen to this reaction from the capacity crowd for 'The Icon'!" Suicide King notes as King continues his posing. The camera's microphone manages to pick up the crowd, who are booing at the top of their lungs. "Yeah, they hate 'The Icon' with a passion." Longdogger Pete states. "And deservingly so for what King and Kelly have been doing here." King slowly and methodically stalks at Munich now, making sure that he doesn't get back up off of the mat and get another chance to get an advantage, simply resorting to stomping on the head of Munich while he's down on the mat. King, shaking his ankle a bit just to apparently get the twinges of pain that are in his leg out of it from the ankle lock that Munich put on him earlier in the mat, starts to scale the ropes now, climbing up to the top. "Here we go now Pete! King is in complete control of the match right now, and he's going to drop the best damn top rope elbow drop in the history of wrestling right onto the body of 'Agent 27', ending this contest once and for all!" Suicide King states. "King is up at the top now, this could be it if he hits with this move...he leaps off...going towards the legs..." Just as Pete makes mention of that, Munich almost immediately rolls forward and out of the way, causing the body of "The Icon" to crash down onto the mat instead of a human body! The crowd is on their feet cheering loudly at this fact, glad to see that King didn't get a chance to further the punishment that he was putting on Munich. Munich starts to get back up onto his feet again, making sure to keep the majority of his standing ability on his GOOD leg, and looks over to King to wait for him to get up. When King is finally up to his feet again, Munich dives in, nailing King in the back of the head with a clothesline! "There's Munich's Guilty Pleasure! Munich is bringing out some of his bigger moves...and now going for the cover again! Only the second of this match!" Pete calls One! TWO...as soon as two hits, King puts a foot on the rope to break the count. "No way Munich can get a win with a simple clothesline. Who does he think he is, a Texan Stock Market genius?" Suicide King asks. "...I don't even wanna know what you mean by that, but right now the tide has turned into the favor of Munich. Munich waiting for King to get back up to his feet, he's got to have SOMETHING planned for "The Icon" right now..." When King is back up onto his feet, Munich whips King towards the ropes. Max manages to reverse though, ducking his head down to backdrop Munich...but Munich just drops down and nails King right in the face with a punch as he slides under "The Icon". Munich wobbly gets up to his feet and stands behind King, stepping over and hooking King up before dropping back with him into a Russian Leg Sweep! Munich goes for another cover in the match, hooking both of King's legs as hard as he can! One! TWO! King still manages to kick out. "I'm telling you Pete, there is nothing that Munich can do in this match that will keep "The Icon" Max King down for the three count!" Suicide King states. "That's three covers already, and King has kicked out of each one!" "But if you notice, Max King has yet to make even ONE cover in this contest!" Pete reminds. "That could be something to think about." Munich gets back up again...stumbling a bit as he is still feeling some of the pain from the work that was done in his leg...and he makes a gesture to the crowd that he's going to drop King down in the ring. He reaches down to King again, pulling Max up before "The Icon" knows what is going on, and pulls him up while upside down into a piledriver position. He sets up his arms between the legs of King while in the ring... "He's setting it up...this could be all that she wrote for Max King! Munich has King set up for the C-4 Crunch...look at Munich use this move while having to balance on one leg!" Pete notes And to an eruption of cheers from the crowd, Munich drops King down head first onto the mat with the C-4 Crunch! Thinking that this match is going to end right then and there, Munich falls right onto King, going for the cover! ... ... But there is no count. Munich looks around, and sees that Kelly Connelly is standing on the ring apron, having the referee distracted! "Damn that Connelly!" Pete calls. "If it wasn't for her, this match would have been over by now! She's screwing Munich out of the win!" "Who cares if she is? The fact is that the referee is probably trying to hit on Kelly while she's on the apron, but she's busy making sure that the referee is aware that Munich is cheating!" Suicide King states. Munich goes over to where the referee and Kelly are, pulling the official away to remind him that he has a match to call, trying his back to ignore Kelly so he doesn't break the rule that he has about not attacking a woman. Kelly smiles, her work done for the moment as the referee is now distracted by the fact that Munich pulled him, and reminds him that he could easily disqualify him for that fact. King, in the meantime, is starting now to recover, holding his area due to the fact that he was hit with the C-4 Crunch. Noticing that the referee's back is to him, he reaches into his kneepad and pulls out something that everyone knows King is famous for...those infamous brass knuckles! He slips them onto his hand rather quickly, rolling over onto his belly to hide his fist. King stays waiting, Munich finally finish his "argument" with the referee as he goes over to King. He starts to lift "The Icon" up to his feet, completely unaware of the fact King's hand is now loaded. King makes a wild swing to the face of Munich, and manages to connect in such a way that the referee is unaware that King's hand was covered with the knuckles. "Damn it! King is going to steal this one...look at him kneel down and slip the knuckles in his trunks as the referee checks on Munich!" Pete protests. "This isn't right at all!" "Who cares if it's right? This is what the people truly want to see! The want to see "The Icon" get the win and big time!" King states. King smiles, and goes back over to Munich, leaning down for the pin...his first one of the match, surprisingly. One! TWO! Suddenly and without warning, Munich reaches up, reversing King's pin into a cradle of his own! One! TWO! King manages to kick out! "What the hell was that?" Suicide King questions, not sure of what to make of what just happened. "I guess that King didn't get all of the hit in...I'm not sure..." Pete notes as King and Munich both get to their feet. A split screen effect comes up...and it shows that as King is swinging, Munich leans back...only getting grazed by the hit apparently as he falls back, only faking the fact that he was hit! "Now that is just wrong!" Suicide King states. "What a..." "Smart move, blocking that attempted cheating win by Max King!" Pete states. Munich ducks out of the way of another pin attempt by King, grabbing him by the head and dropping him with a reverse DDT into the ring, getting up almost immediately, trying to shake off the effects on his leg. Munich goes off the ropes to apparently try some extra punishment, but this time is grabbed by the leg by Kelly, stopping his momentum! Munich looks out to the ring, yelling at her for what she's done thus far...REALLY having a moral dilemma on his hands on what she's been doing thus far. Kelly denies her involvement to the referee who is now questioning her...allowing King another chance to reach into his tights and grab the brass knuckles once again. Munich turns around, and gets nailed right into his leg with the knuckles clad fist! Munich collapses in pain at the feeling. "DAMN IT ALL!" Pete calls again. "Can't King win ANY match without cheating?" "That's not cheating, the referee didn't see it...and he won't anytime soon!" King notes as Max King puts the knuckles back into his tights. With Munich on the mat, King reaches and grabs the legs of Munich...hooking up the legs into a figure four position and turning him over into the Texas Cloverleaf! Munich, desperate to keep his legs, taps out! *DING, DING, DING!* Funyon: Here is your winner, "The Icon" Max King! "A miscarriage of justice, if you ask me!" Pete notes. "King cheated all the way through that match to get the win, and may have broken Munich's legs!" "Not a big loss, if you ask me." Suicide King replies. The camera fades as Kelly and King make their exit, leaving Munich hurting.

SWF LOCKDOWN! ON WEDNESDAY, 19TH OF JANUARY 2005! LIVE FROM THE DUNKIN’ DONUTS CENTER IN RHODE ISLAND! (5:00pm PDT, 8:00pm EDT; check local listings) Send marked matches, promos, etc. to Ace309. Hello, one and all! Welcome to the SWF Lockdown card. On this show, Stryke finds his way back into the squared circle against “The Sly One” Austin Sly, while Spike Jenkins gets put through the ringer in a triple threat match against wild men Johnny Dangerous and Alan Clark! And a battle of the Priests of Hardcore in a SWF stipulation first, the Rumble In The Pit match! But the real story of this show is the main event, a title for title classic straight singles match up between two of the SWF’s premiere talents, Landon Maddix and Sean Davis! Alright, guys, let’s get cracking – I don’t wanna see any no shows. If you haven’t got a match, spend some time on a promo, alright? Cheers and good luck. Opening Promo: Sacred. CURTAIN JERKING WITH AGENT 27 AND THE ICONIC ONE! Munich vs “The Icon” Max King Max King hasn’t been having the best of runs in the tag division lately, so I think it’s time to give him some “alone time” in the singles world. But unfortunately singles life ain’t a walk in the park and his opponent, that tough nut cigarette smoking man with a ‘tude, isn’t going to make it easy. This should be a cracker of a curtain jerker with both men looking to get back on track with a W. Rules: Straight up singles, one pinfall/tap-out will determine the victor. Disqualifications and countouts apply. Word Limit: 3500 Marker: Justice HARDCORE MATCH! Carnage vs Danny Dagda Carnage is in looooooovvvveee! Awww! But goddamn I am sick of this monster’s pining and puppy dog eyes. This one needs to find the carnage within, so hopefully he will against the impressive and hardy Danny Dagda in a brawl of epic proportions. Two wrestlers of the hardcore persuasion will wrestle in a match up of hardcore persuasion... fucking poetry, isn’t it? Rules: Hardcore rules apply, which is to say there are no rules. Word Limit: 4000 Marker: Crowe SLY DEALINGS WITH STRYKE! Stryke vs Austin Sly Stryke wants a match? He’s got one. However, on the other side of the ring is Austin Sly, recently returned to the squared circle and looking better than ever with an improved physique and newly found trenchcoat styling. I’m sure Austin will be determined to kick some ass and Stryke will obviously be willing to kick some back. Let’s see a good fight, guys. Rules: Straight up singles, one pinfall/tap-out will determine the victor. Disqualifications and countouts apply. Word Limit: 4000 Marker: 5_moves_of_doom TRIPLE THREAT DAY OF DEFEAT MATCH! Hollywood Spike Jenkins vs Johnny Dangerous vs Alan Clark Hollywood Spike Jenkins’ world needs to be turned upside for a little while. Why, you ask? ‘Cause he’s a douche bag, why else? Heh, I’m just kidding, Spike. Regardless, this will simply be a great match up and with the minor stipulation allowing expanded creativity and match options... I expect all three of you to show. If not, expect punishment match. And to the winner... the spoils! Rules: You must “defeat” both your opponents to gain victory. Standard rules apply so a “defeat” can be achieved via pinfall, submission, countout or disqualification. “Defeats” do not result in eliminations. Word Limit: 6000 Marker: chirs3 RUMBLE IN THE PIT! "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez vs Dace Night Tom Flesher seems to think that wrestling nowadays is all trashy garbage wrestling. Well, I'm here to prove to Tom that wrestling can be hardcore but still maintain its class and quality. So, the Hardcore champion and Dace Night will enter into a barred steel cage and rumble until one of them is on the canvas unconscious. Dace gets a chance to re-establish himself as king of the hardcore mountain, while Cortez gets the opportunity to place himself firmly in the driver's seat of the hardcore division. Brutal? Yes. Entertaining? Oh hell yeah. It's gonna rock. Rules: Participants are trapped inside a barred steel cage (none of that mesh shit on this show). There are no holds barred and to gain victory, one must beat their opponent into a knockout submission (unconsciousness). One weapon may be brought into the pit if desired. Word Limit: 5500 Marker: Ace309 AND NOW... THE MAIN EVENT! INTERCONTINENTAL TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP! UNITED STATES/JUNIOR LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP! TITLE FOR TITLE! Landon Maddix © (ICTV Champ) vs Sean Davis © (USJL Champ) Sean Davis earned the right to a World title shot after Slay Ride, when he was co-ranked #1 in the fed, with (who else?) Landon Maddix. However, Davis, businessman he is, decided to forego his World title shot, leaving Toxxic to mop up that mess. He instead decided to go after Landon's ICTV title, but wait! Maddix was also ranked #1, and he too has claim to a title shot! How do we solve this? Well, it's simple... two men, one match, for two titles. Coming off a hard loss to Sacred on the last show, I bet Landon Maddix is determined to keep this gold that seems all the more shinier today than yesterday – Davis is gonna have pull out all the stops to win this one. Rules: Straight-up singles, one pinfall/tap-out will determine the victor. Disqualifications and countouts apply. Word Limit: 6000 Marker: Chuck Woolery

Dagda, Carnage, go ahead and send me your matches.

Yeah, if anyone wants to read Sacred's match I wouldn't object to that. He did a fabulous job writing a very solid match that was based quite well on the two characters, and the match stands alone very well, so it's not going to be a case of "I don't get the psychology." The plot developed very well from his opening sequence, where the wrestlers weren't taking advantage of the street fight stipulation, to Sacred finally hitting his breaking point. I felt he handled it quite adeptly, as well as the external Revolution Zero angle.

You bastard.

Oh, for fuck's sake, quit it with the posturing. You're acting like a couple of kids.

The Casino Brawl has been edited in. Possible comments to come.

Carnage, Clark, PM me your matches. I'm taking this one over.

Just because I have a compulsion to pretend I'm the Voice of Reason, I'd just like to say that the simplest solution is for the markers to just hold off drinking till they've gotten their work done. In practice, I realize the problems with this, and that drinking isn't the only reason shows go up late. Okay, I'll leave now.

IL, quit being a jerk.

fyi, I did ask Crowe if he had the matches around and would have been more than happy to mark them. Unfortunately, Mike, in his inebriated state... left. I know that I've been an offender in terms of putting shows up late, which I apologize for, but I'm starting to wonder if maybe having a show on Friday night might be A Bad Thing.

Just throwing some stuff out before people get over. If I miss anything, I'll cover it later on. The rope-break development in the early match was sound and internally coherent, but it was a plot thread that A) Didn't go anywhere [it felt like you were telegraphing a finish that involved Sacred fighting for a rope break that Landon would ignore, which would have raised problems with...] B) Seemed to undermine Sacred's vet status, especially in this match. It didn't seem to fit the Sacred character at all... I mean, he may be crazy, but he's not foolish. I felt like the resolution of it was just there, and so you ate up some words and made Sacred look stupid without any payoff. Granted, Sacred had a rope break halfway through his match, and it was clearly a mistake (since he pointed it out during the opening of the match), but there's a difference between a one-off and something that felt central to the way the match developed. Subtract the rope break subplot and, yeah, it was perfectly acceptable wrestling, but Sacred has a gift for writing a match that just makes sense and is really hard to pick apart. There were a few spots in your match where the selling was, if not inconsistent, inappropriate. I'm not talking about the long-term selling of eg Landon's arm, which was well-built, but sometimes there'd be a big spot and the guys would both just be back up. Not a bad match by any means, which is unfortunate, because it made me fairly miserable last night.

I also may be out of it.

It's times like these I wish I was drunk.

Well, Munich... Thoth is unfortunately unavailable for a while, and on such short notice, it's hard to find someone to do work on what's a Friday night in the States. Plus, Crowe's got a good head on his shoulder. The opening promo is just a translation from the current style of WWE's shows, is all.

Sitting in for Tom Flesher in today’s edition of the Smarkdown Workrate Report will be Tom Fleshmussen of the Burning Hammer Tape … Review (*sigh*). As always, star ratings are based on the quality of the match, the direction and speed of the wind currently blowing on Fifth Avenue in Manhattan, and how hungry Mr. Fleshmussen is at any given moment. As such they should be afforded no credence whatsoever. Opening Promo ~ Way to fake out the audience, Taamo! No one expected you to use a completely nonsensical soundbite to intro “Kashmir,” and you confused everyone. Are you going to start using “The Soft Parade” as your theme now? “The Monk… bought… lunch! Yeah, he bought a little.” So Flesher rambles on a while about wrestling and why he’s inexplicably in charge of a single show now. Remind me again who hired him? Um…. Okay, that’s not important. I like this whole “pure wrestling Smarkdown” thing, though. Although am I biased? Just a LITTLE~! Pretty good card he set up, although some of the matches (Sacred vs. Clark – why book Clark in a pure wrestling match?) seemed a little thrown-together. Why can’t the SWF sign some new talent, or at least make Marcus Washington get in the ring? Dace Night Promo ~ Dace has… visa problems? Interesting, and a nice, solid way to explain his ins and outs as well as the fact that he’ll be out of the picture soon enough. On the other hand, he’ll be out of the picture soon enough. BOO! Carnage vs. Todd Cortez ~ Cute start on this one, with Cortez getting down in the referee’s position. Not a bad little match, especially considering the time constraints. Cortez taking the victory by submission was a nice little choice, and as much as you’d think it would make the big lug look weak, it didn’t. Cortez impressed me tonight, what with his athletic ability (skinning the cat, wriggling out of the piledriver attempt) and showing off some of his wrestling skill. Carnage, meanwhile, didn’t need to be carried. He went out, did his thing and held his own. Nice job from these two workers. ** ½ Revolution Zero Promo ~ Did the job. Sacred: He’s EVIL~! Pure Wrestling: Sacred vs. Alan Clark ~ Oh, this stip is SO stolen from Ring of Honor. Pardon me while I gag. Okay, that’s better. I did expect better from Clark and Sacred, especially considering the Dusty Finish that ended with… the heel getting a win taken away from him, and then him going on to win anyway. That was weird. I was, however, happy to see that the stip didn’t rule the match, but the other way around. The wrestlers worked around it, in one of the few specialty matches that they’re able to. Solid wrestling, reasonable booking, ***. Non-Title Match: “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins vs. Kaine ~ Non-title because Kaine lost to Spike at Slay Ride. Methinks Taamo may have overused non-title tonight. It’s almost as if one of the non-title matches was hastily booked after the card had been finalized because one of the competitors had asked for work. But I digress. Dude, that ref has bosoms. Anyways, pretty quick match from these two, cementing what a lot of us have known for a long time: Spike Jenkins is poised to move up the card. God willing, these fools will quit holding him back and let him go after some higher gold. He’s almost turning the CW belt into a waistpiece like Tom Flesher’s. Too short for more than *, and could have been higher – but the finish was appropriate. Mak Francis/Toxxic Promo ~ Toxxic/Mak: Like Toxxic/Flesher, only blacker! USJL Title: Sean Davis vs. Manson ~ Joined in progress, or JIP. Say that out loud, folks. One big move from Davis finishes the match, and it’s unrateable. I’m starting to wonder if maybe Davis can’t keep up the pace. Austin Sly Promo ~ Go Sly Guy! Good to see this goombah back, even if he’s INSANE~! Non-Title Match: Wild & Dangerous vs. the Royal Order ~ This feels oddly familiar. All in all, not a bad match, although I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was just Wild and Dangerous celebrating their victory by running through their spots. I feel bad for the Royal Order, because they’re good enough, they just can’t seem to break out in the tag division. It’s a shame Korgath has never really broken out, considering the level of talent he has and the improvement he’s made since he pretended to be the Undertaker. ***

If something like that does indeed happen, please be advised: I will not be involved in ANY angles involving control, a commissioner slot, or anything else that will suck. And that, my friends, is a damn prom- Oh, shit, Stevens is gonna sue me.

Back in your cage with you!

By request. Keep that in mind.

Because no one's commented on Carnage's match... ~ Your King is a little weird, but that’s part of the breaking-in period for new commentators. The easiest way to write King is to imagine that one little loudmouthed bastard from high school who was on student council and thought it somehow made him better than anyone else he ran into. Granted, it’s not a direct translation, but it’s going to work a lot better than the jovial Lawler-esque style you seem to be employing. I doubt this factored into why you lost the match, but if you want to improve your commentary is going to be important. As a side note, Pete’s a little weird, too, but he is for everyone. It’s probably easiest just to keep him as a straight play-by-play man until I can get him to come around and give us a tutorial. ~ Remember Tom Swift? “That lady’s got a nice ass,” Tom said cheekily. “I can’t believe I’m a licensed plumber,” Tom said with a flush. This is the sort of thing you want to avoid. Your dialog attribution is colorful, granted, but it’s distracting and sometimes comes off as cheesy. This is a case where you want to show and not tell. Using attributions like “King snips” should really be reserved for situations where you can’t carry over the commentators’ tone from the dialog. Syllogistically, they should be rare if you’re writing good commentary. ~ The actual wrestling was solid. It’s not a five-star match, but neither is 98% of what we put out. It was, however, a little thin. The match could have used a little more action in the same vein… another sequence where Cortez went on offense, for example, and one where Carnage took control of the match by using some more dynamic moves. Not necessarily suplexes per se, because suplexes are the last refuge of the damned in the SWF (“Hey, look, a bland spot! I’ll throw 75 supes in there!”), but something that moves away from what might have come across as a bland offensive match for Carnage. You use a lot of submissions, and I recognize that I requested a pure wrestling match. It could, however, have used stuff like a brainbuster or a pumphandle slam to spice it up just a little. Failing that, Cortez is a perfect guy to use as Shawn Michaels in a match like this – he throws a lot of exciting offense and bumps his ass off, whereas Carnage plays Sid. It’s a perfectly respectable match style if it’s spread out properly. I’m assuming from the length of your match that you were time-pressed, so don’t worry too much - ~ Lots of the little stuff in this match was distracting. Again, I’m sure this wouldn’t have cost you the match, but things like capitalizing move names inconsistently (either do it all the time or, even better, only capitalize gimmick-named moves), doing a spell check and not having Carnage’s escorts appear out of thin air at the finish after questioning where they were in the opening go a long way toward readability.

Was that for Kingmas 2003?

Happy New Year. I spent much of 2004 hanging with a great bunch of people, and one of them, for a while, was a guy by the name of Mak Francis. Mak was a great guy to travel with. Ejiro, Bill and I used to drive with him quite a bit, especially when we were swinging through the northeast corridor. Being a Floridian, Ejiro never much appreciated driving through the snow, but whenever we were going through Michigan, New York or Pennsylvania, one of us would always be pointing out some damn thing that he remembered from back home. One of the best was when we were going from Buffalo to New York City on the New York Thruway and pulled off about midway through to pay a visit to one of my exes. As it was, she wasn't home, but her older brother was just thrilled to see four of the Magnificent Seven on his doorstep. We were planning to just hassle Kristen for a while, but you wouldn't believe how well a family will feed you just because you're famous and schtupped their little girl a couple of times. But I digress. Mak and I had a running joke. Back when I was looking at law schools (yes, believe it or not, I had my retirement planned out almost a year in advance - I knew I wouldn't be able to handle the road schedule when I was trying to get my JD taken care of), I took a gander at a few places in Philadelphia. Around that time, Mak was off the road for a few weeks, and I was always threatening to drive by and toss a brick through his picture window. That developed the way things always do, and soon enough we were exchanging bricks in the worst ways. Sometimes he'd find one in his locker, or I'd find one tied to my singlet when I got back from the showers. Hell, Alli found one in her purse one night, which was just fascinating, because Mak wasn't working for us at the time. (Turns out he talked Ryan Dustin into it.) At the height of it, though, it got pretty bad. I was driving for a while, and I had a beautiful blue Suburban that I'd rented for the trip. We'd had Mak doing a few house show matches and working dark at the tapings to help get Bryan Levy trained (he was green then, he's green now - the kid's never going to get past the 'grass' stage of his development). Mak was going to take some time off the road, though, so we were dropping him off in Philly on the way down to Flair Country for a couple of house shows. He'd stayed up front with me while Ejiro and Bill slept in the middle and back seats, respectively. Since we had some extra time, Mak asked us if we wanted to stay the night. He had a pretty nice guest room, and, well, let's put it this way. After spending some time with Allison, you learn real fast to be content to crash in the living room. WIthin an hour, we were all done for the day, and slept like logs. The next morning, we thanked Mak and headed out. We started motoring down to the Carolinas for the shows, and a few hours later we got there just in time to get warmed up and talk to the agents. I was a face at the time, and we were testing crowd reactions to the Survivor match that main-evented the fall PPV last year, so I was working the main event with Wild & Dangerous against Craven and Justice & Rule for a bunch of house shows. We chatted things out with King, who was a great road agent (by which I mean he let me call the whole match in the ring), and then went back to get ready. That night, and for a few days until we could get ahold of Mak and get our gear overnighted out to us, I worked in an SWF t-shirt and a pair of stretch jeans I picked up at Casual Male Big & Tall. Ejiro and Judge, thank god, scammed a couple of J&R hoodies off the merch crew and worked in gym shorts. I'll bet the fans were confused about why I didn't have the World Title with me. Do I even need to tell you what our bags were full of? Mak's a bastard. It's good to see him back. 2005's starting off great, with him back and a show in my old hometown. I might have to fly up from New York and see if they'll comp me a seat at HSBC to watch this thing go down. I don't know, though. It's just never as fun watching from behind the railing.

The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation presents... SWF SMARKDOWN, MONDAY, JANUARY 10th, LIVE FROM THE HSBC ARENA IN BUFFALO, NEW YORK! (5:00pm PDT, 8:00pm EDT; check local listings) Send marked matches, promos, etc. to Chuck Woolery Odd… no card tonight. Surely that can’t be right. Opening Promo: Spoken for. Scheduled to Appear: Johnny Dangerous! Wildchild! Sean Davis! Manson! Kaine! The Royal Order! Alan Clark! Todd Cortez! "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins! Sacred! Carnage! And more! Backstage Assignments: Mike Van Siclen Thoth TNT Tom Judge If you’re on either list and you didn’t get a match PM’d to you, please contact me.