Ace309

Oh, hey, Dub Cee deserves special attention, as he was the one who suggested to me that I use the boots-in-the-centre device.

I will not be appearing. However, to ease myself out of the world of wrestling, I think it'd be nice if someone came over to my house on the night of the show and, y'know, we got in a fight.

Bump.

Tom shoots a nervous glance at Raynor, who doesn’t look too pleased, but he stays out of it. Tom looks at the referee, and quickly unwraps the rope and takes a few steps down on the apron. The ref turns to see a Landon who is decidedly more purple than he was a minute ago, and immediately he shouts accusingly at Raynor and Tom! They offer little resistance, simply shaking their heads then looking down at Landon. Maddix looks to his corner and sees his partners cheering him on, and begins to form a plan, but is interrupted as The Suicide King jerks him up from behind and bends him over backwards in an inverted headlock! The Gambling Man then drops back to drill him down onto an outstretched knee! Landon bounces off and rolls away, cradling his tender neck, and the King makes sure to quickly position himself between Maddix and his allies before following up. He drags Maddix up and wrenches his arm, takes a step back, and delivers a straight sidekick into Landon’s shoulder! Maddix tries to get away, but the King keeps hold of his arm, and yanks him back into a second sidekick straight into the armpit! He then reels Maddix in for a short-arm clothesline, followed by an insultingly lax cover! ONE! TW- Landon shoots his arm up off the mat! The Suicide King gets to his feet, and La Cucaracha immediately rolls away, ending up on the outside. The King sees another golden opportunity and strides to the ropes, but the referee gets in his way… exactly as planned! He wants no monkey business on the outside, and he continues to block the King’s path, allowing Tom to drop off the apron, grab Landon by the hair, drag him towards the steel post, and heave him head-first into it! Landon’s head bounces off the steel with a sickening *CLUNK*, and he spins on his heels then falls flat on the floor! Tom drags him back up by the arm and threads it underneath the bottom ropes and pulls him into the post, which he smacks shoulder-first! He then rolls Maddix back into the ring, and shoots another stern look at Raynor, who remained motionless throughout the ordeal. The King untangles his mess with Zenon, having noticed Raynor’s passivity as well, and he heads to his corner and tags the Rayn-man in! Raynor wastes no time in climbing over the ropes and quickly laying siege to Maddix’s stomach with a barrage of stomps! “I guess the Suicide King figures Raynor wasn’t earning his keep on the outside,” Riley speculates. “Raynor, as we know, is the forerunner of Toxxic’s attitude that regardless of what the crowd thinks of you, it is inappropriate to abuse the rules. Frankly, I respect him for it, Robert.” Raynor drags Maddix up and grabs hold of his right leg and bends it, then lifts him and lets Landon’s shin drop across his extended knee! The shin breaker connects with full force, and Maddix fears he may soon understand exactly how Mark was feeling a while ago. Raynor’s focus remains on the knee as he lifts Maddix up and preps him for a second shin breaker. This time as Landon goes up, though, he flips over backwards and lands behind his foe! The very moment he catches his balance is the very same moment that Raynor fires a fierce elbow back, catching Maddix square in the jaw and surely loosening a few teeth if not cracking them outright! Landon stumbles away, holding his jaw and frantically searching for a Plan B, but before he can formulate one he finds Raynor’s arms locked around his waist. He struggles to get free, but before hee has time to react, he’s lifted up and over, and dropped straight on his head in a released German suplex! Maddix remains slumped over in an awkward position until Raynor pushes him through the roll and makes a cover! ONE! TWO! TH- Maddix rolls to his side and breaks free! “Dangerously close count there,” Comet points out. “If Maddix has anything in his reserve tank, he needs to use it now…” The Rayn-man wastes no time in bringing Maddix back up, but Maddix quickly retaliates with a thumb to the eye! “Damn it,” Riley shouts, exasperated. “I forgot that the good guys can cheat too!” The crowd starts another “CHEAT TO WIN” chant as Zenon looks the other way, and Maddix uses the time he bought to position himself behind Raynor and wait. It doesn’t take long before Raynor blindly wanders into a boot to the gut and a reverse front facelock spun into a reverse bulldog to complete the Landon Eye! Maddix quickly scrambles into the cover! ONE! TW- Raynor kicks out! Maddix feels his second wind coming on, and he quickly pulls Raynor up and launches him into the ropes! Raynor attempts a clothesline on the rebound, but Landon easily scouts it and ducks, and as Raynor comes off the ropes a second time, he’s met with hurricanrana, his own momentum working against him! He’s spiked straight down on his head, and Landon hooks him up! ONE! TWO! TH- King is in the ring and Tom is just behind him when Raynor breaks free! The referee gets up off the mat and bars their path, and now knowing full well that Landon’s not above bending the rules, they quickly retreat to their corner. Meanwhile, La Cucaracha brings Raynor back to his feet and stuns him with some forearm shots, then runs for the ropes. Coming back, he crouches and springs up, soaring to amazing heights as his leg swings out straight at Raynor’s temple- “Shining Wizard-” “NOBODY HOME! Suck on THAT, MarkPhisto!” Raynor ducks at the last possible second, and Landon crashes to the mat with a thud and an “oof”. He quickly gets back to his feet, but not fast enough - Raynor barrels into him, driving him into a neutral corner, then fires a fist- - which Landon ducks, before springing out of the corner and clubs Raynor in the back! Raynor whirls around with an elbow, but Maddix doesn’t fall for the same trick twice. He ducks it, then fires straight up with an uppercut the knocks Raynor back into the corner! He takes Raynor by the arm and Irish whips him to the opposite corner, then takes a few steps back and charges, leaping once again to impressive heights- “NOBODY HOME! Suck on THAT, MarkPhisto!” “Whoa,” Comet says, scratching his head. “Déjà vu.” Raynor moves, and Landon’s splash does nothing but knock the wind out of himself. He staggers out of the corner and right into a monstrous spinebuster! This time, rather than go for a cover, Raynor picks Maddix right back up and heaves him into the ropes. Maddix jumps before hitting them and springs off the second rope right back into Raynor, taking him down with a cross body into a cover! ONE! TWO! THR- Nooo! Raynor kicks out, and again the referee is forced to usher Raynor’s teammates out of the ring! Landon pops upright and dashes for the ropes, hoping to land another big hit on Raynor as he’s rising - he comes off the ropes and comes barreling back, straight into a vicious Tilt-a-whirl Backbreaker! Raynor keeps his hold on Maddix and brings him up, then drives him across his knee for a second backbreaker, before letting him flop to the mat. The cover! ONE! TWO! THR-Landon breaks free! Raynor quickly brings Landon up to his feet and throws him into the ropes. Maddix weighs the chances of ducking or leapfrogging as he begins the return trip, neither of which would help him anyway, as Raynor takes a few steps forward to catch Landon fresh off the rebound, and quickly boots him in the gut! Landon doubles over, and Raynor reaches around and locks arms around his waist, wrenches him up, and- *BOOM* “-Raynor absolutely destroys Landon Maddix with the gutwrench powerbomb,” Comet says with a sigh. “Under normal circumstances I’d like to believe Landon was still well within reach of turning this around, but combining Raynor’s heavy-hitting offense with Tom and the Suicide King’s willingness to cheat-” “I prefer the phrase ‘Reinterpret the rules.’” “… whatever. Regardless, I’m afraid Landon might not last long against these odds.” Regardless, Raynor again opts not to pin. He grabs a handful of hair and drags Landon up, then shoves him into the nearby neutral corner. He grabs Maddix around the waist and hoists him up to the top rope, then climbs up after him. Mark and Edwin quickly recognize this and shout to Landon frantically - Tom and King recognize it as well, and look on with pride. Raynor moves slightly to the side of Landon and hooks his arms, then falls back- “-kicking it old school with-” *WHAM* “-Acid Rayn, version one!” Riley cackles with unbridled glee. Landon crashes to the canvas, twitches for a moment, then goes still. Raynor finally opts for the cover this time, only halfheartedly hooking the leg. “This one is OVER~!” ONE! TWO! T H R E- NO! The crowd roars as Maddix shows he’s still got some fight left in him! Raynor looks more than a bit perturbed, but he doesn’t slow down. He drags Maddix up by the arm and whips him across the ring into the bad guy’s corner, then charges after him and lands a giant splash! Mark and Tom drop off the apron to accommodate their partner, and as Raynor backs out of the corner, the return to their perch, eyeing the referee carefully. This time Raynor heads clear across the ring and charges again, this time with his elbow pointed out, clearly looking to facially disfigure poor La Cucaracha. As Raynor draws closer, Maddix becomes vaguely aware of his situation, notices the oncoming freight train, and dives out of the way- -or tries to, but with a hand on each shoulder, Tom Flesher and the Suicide King hold him firmly in place! Raynor turns slightly before impact, driving his elbow straight between Landon’s eyes! Maddix is seeing stars, and Tom and King persuade Raynor to do it a third time - but Raynor instead grabs Landon and pulls him out of the corner, glaring a not so friendly glare at his partners! “Man, what is up with him?” Riley whines. “Does the concept of ‘team player’ not mean anything anymore?” “God forbid a guy try to win legitimately,” Comet counters. “Blah. Dignity is so last week, Comet.” Raynor grabs Maddix and, without a word, shoves him toward Edwin. “What IS Raynor doing?” asks Comet. “Is he crazy?!” “He just wants what’s rightfully his, Comet… Edwin MacPhisto’s head on a platter.” Edwin nods slowly, then slaps Landon’s hand. He slowly enters the ring, ready once more for the showdown Raynor has waited for for two long years. “This is it! This is the war that’s going to settle the score!” shouts Riley. “Edwin’s going back to England the horizontal way!” As Edwin enters the ring, Raynor charges at him and nails him in the face with a big boot! Edwin, caught off-guard, staggers back, only to eat a huge spinning back elbow from Raynor! His head snaps back, and as he looks at the Rayn Man, his eyes narrow into a scowl. He turns over in his mind the idea that he had earlier tonight… that he’d just as soon finish this over coffee as with fisticuffs. Unfortunately, Raynor seems to have made that choice moot. Edwin comes out swinging, throwing a hard right hand that catches Raynor in the jaw! Raynor fights back, staggering Edwin with another super-stiff blow to the face! He throws a boot into Edwin’s stomach… but Edwin catches it, putting Raynor on the defensive. In the blink of an eye, though, Raynor leaves his feet, and with two years’ worth of ring rust, Edwin is unable to duck the enzuigiri! Raynor hits him hard in the back of the head, nearly decapitating him with the huge kick. The crowd goes wild, booing Raynor and cheering Edwin on. MacPhisto, however, isn’t moving. “That man had his neck broken!” screams Comet. “How can you do such a thing to him? I can’t believe the length to which Raynor is willing to go to prove his dominance!” Raynor looks down at the motionless MacPhisto and shakes his head. He grabs Edwin by the hair and whips him into the Carnevil corner, where the Mac Daddy is met with a cocked palm from Tom Flesher! He staggers backwards, and Alex Zenon sprints over to admonish Flesher. The Superior One professes his innocence, and Edwin stumbles around in the center. Raynor looks him over, contemplating some sort of maneuver… but does nothing. King screams at him, trying to convince him to throw him to the corner and continue the assault… but Raynor refuses once again. Instead, he simply grabs MacPhisto around the waist and lifts him off the mat, arching back and hitting a picture-perfect released German suplex! Edwin lands sickeningly on his neck and rolls to his stomach, where he lays still on the mat once again. “OH MY GOD!” shrieks Comet. “I think MacPhisto is DEAD~!” “Objectivity, Comet,” Riley chides smugly. “Keep in mind that you’re on the company’s payroll here.” Raynor stalks around the ring, ready to move in on MacPhisto, when… *SLAP* Chris’s head swivels, and he sees Tom Flesher glaring at him from behind. The Superior One scowls and ducks into the ring. The crowd boos, and for just a moment, Raynor looks to them. “Tom Flesher is livid, and I can’t say I blame him,” says Bobby Riley. “Tom and King go to all sorts of efforts to give Raynor the opportunity to get what he wants from Edwin, and Raynor isn’t taking the opportunity. Why should they leave him in there if he’s not going to pull his weight?!” Flesher and Raynor exchange words. Meanwhile, the crowd’s cheering and chanting seems to be getting through to Edwin, who slowly starts to get to his knees. Alex Zenon shouts at Raynor to leave the ring, and the Rayn Man does so with a scowl that could kill a man. Flesher, meanwhile, moves toward MacPhisto… who catches him in the jaw with a shotei! Flesher reels backwards, and the crowd explodes for the Mac Daddy’s resurgence! “Will you look at that?” shouts Comet. “Edwin MacPhisto, on the verge of defeat, comes back and hits Tom Flesher with a strike that buys him time to recover!” “If Raynor had just given in and done his job, this match would have been over!” whines Riley. Edwin makes it to his feet just as Flesher comes back to meet him. Flesher and MacPhisto duke it out on the center of the ring. Edwin throws a shotei that nails Flesher in the upper chest, sending Flesher back a step. The Superior One, though, grits his teeth. He steps forward, rocketing a shotei straight into MacPhisto’s neck! As Edwin staggers backwards, Flesher dives down and hammers him with a blast double-leg takedown, sending him spilling to the mat and careening into a corner! As he gets up, Flesher dives forward, sending a knee strike into Edwin’s face. The Crown Prince winces as his head snaps to the side, and Flesher merely steps back. Edwin starts to get to his feet, but is silenced by a stiff kick to the face. “Tom Flesher is showing no mercy for Edwin MacPhisto,” Riley beams. “He’s a freaking barracuda tonight, and he’s not going to let Edwin go without a fight.” As MacPhisto sits in the corner, Flesher plants a boot on his face. The crowd, knowing what’s coming, immediately begins to boo. He ignores them totally, scraping the sole of his Doc Marten boot so hard that the foot rockets through the ropes! Edwin’s head snaps back as he covers his face in pain, and Flesher steps back with a smirk on his face. He steps in, once again planting his boot on the Mac Daddy’s face, and once again scraping it so hard that he nearly scrapes the skin off of Edwin’s face! He takes a few steps back, then runs in at top speed to nail MacPhisto with a running Yakuza kick! He hits so hard that he has to grab the middle rope to keep his balance, but does so and regains his footing very quickly. He gets up, backs away, and golf-claps for himself. This does not please the crowd. Flesher grabs Edwin by his shock of hair and stands up, pulling his opponent with him. He yanks Edwin’s hair, pulling him into a front facelock. Then, he ducks under and stands up, lifting him off the mat for a vertical suplex. He holds the Mac Daddy upside down, stalling… and stalling…. and stalling… until he finally collapses to the mat, dumping MacPhisto on his head! The crowd goes silent, watching what could be the untimely end of Edwin MacPhisto. Flesher, though, doesn’t go for the fall. Instead, he stands up, smirks, and points at the sky. Immediately, the crowd begins booing mercilessly. “What does he think he’s doing?” fumes Comet as Flesher lifts MacPhisto and carries him over to the neutral corner. “This maneuver could kill Edwin MacPhisto! Citizen Flesher is trying to maim this man! Where does he get off?!” Tom Flesher, though, is immune to the crowd’s objections, much less Comet’s. He sets Edwin on the top rope and, without stopping for the usual Venus palm strike, scales the ropes. The crowd boos louder and louder as he gets to the top rope, finally standing tall at the top. With a smirk on his face, Flesher holds up two middle fingers, flipping off the whole crowd as he slaps on a front facelock. “Come on, Flesher!” Riley shouts. “Boilermaker, baby! I want to see it NOW!” On the outside, Landon Maddix and Mark Stevens are going wild, trying to bring the crowd into the match and get them to cheer Edwin on. Neither man seems to be feeling the effects of the beatings they’ve taken earlier in the night, each man focused solely on Edwin – whether to stay in the match or simply for their comrade’s well-being, we may never know. Flesher tightens the facelock and tries to lift Edwin off the top… but MacPhisto hooks the top rope with his legs and stays on the turnbuckle! Frustrated, Flesher tries again, but this time the Mac Daddy lands a pair of solid blows to the stomach that stop the Superior One in his tracks! MacPhisto stands up, reaching up to hook Flesher’s head. Perched precariously at the top of the cornerpost, MacPhisto takes a deep breath before lifting his opponent and turning him upside down, then leaping off the turnbuckle and executing a textbook Falcon Arrow! The crowd goes wild as Flesher hits the mat, dazed, and Edwin desperately hooks the leg for a fall! ONE!!!!! TWO!!!!!!! THREE- NO!!!!!!!!! The Suicide King sprints into the ring and nails Edwin in the back of the head with a straight kick that knocks the Crown Prince off of Flesher and gives the Superior One a few moments to breathe. He isn’t, however, in much position to do anything about it. Edwin, however, is, and as Alex Zenon aggressively works King back to the corner, Edwin begins slowly crawling toward his corner. He inches over, only a bit at a time, and as Zenon finally turns around, he sees…. SLAP “LANDON MADDIX!” shouts Cyclone Comet, as the Future makes his way into the ring. He sprints toward the spread-eagled Flesher, then leaps into the air and hits a Dangerous Kneedrop on the way down! The crowd cheers its heart out as Landon rolls through, then springs to his feet to soak in their adoration. Flesher rolls to the side, stunned and trying to recover his senses. He looks up, only to see Stevens staring down at him and MacPhisto shaking off the cobwebs. From behind, Landon charges in and dropkicks Flesher in the back, sending him staggering into the corner chest-first. He backs away, and Flesher turns around. He takes one step out of the corner, then another, and then flops impotently onto his face. As always, this draws an inexplicable cheer from the crowd. Flesher starts to pull himself to his feet, only to have Landon Maddix hook him around the thigh and head! Tom struggles to escape, but Maddix takes advantage of his lost equilibrium by arching backwards and dumping him straight onto his head! He releases Flesher, who rolls through and pops up to his feet. With glazed eyes, Flesher lunges at Maddix, hammering him with a lariat! Flesher then collapses to the mat, his chest heaving as Landon tries to shake off the impact of the strike! “Flesher’s fighting spirit shows through once again,” shills Riley. “He can always get that last blow in when he needs to, and you HAVE to respect that.” “I respect Citizen Flesher’s in-ring ability, but no sane man would respect his lack of ethics,” says Comet gravely. “Taamo is not a man I’d like any of my Southeast Asian children to grow up with.” “You have kids?!” “Probably.” Landon, the less injured of the pair, gets up – though quite slowly. He takes a moment to catch his breath before grabbing Flesher by the head and pulling him to his feet. The Superior One is in no position to resist as Landon whips him to the opposite side of the ring. Using the last moment to take a deep breath, La Cucaracha stands at the ropes as Flesher charges toward him. He ducks down, heaving the Superior One over the top and to the concrete! Flesher hits hard, but, seeming to know the importance of the match, digs deep. He gets up as Landon runs across the ring, preparing to shoot himself over the top. “Landon Maddix is going to take to the air!” shouts Comet. “This is what the fans are here for! They want to see the best athletes of this generation, the one before it, and the one to follow, giving their all for the fans!” Landon sprints toward the ropes and leaps over the top rope, planting his feet on it and springing off! Flesher looks up and, with terror in his eyes, spreads his arms to try to catch Maddix! He moves around, looking to catch the Future as he falls toward him! As Landon completes his Spaceman Plancha… the Superior One simply sidesteps, and Maddix gets a mush full of concrete. “Ouch,” murmurs Riley. “That’s Excedrin headache number 22, right there.” Flesher snickers, mouthing, “I can’t believe they still fall for that.” From there, he rolls into the ring and leans on the ropes, watching Maddix as he lays on the concrete. Maddix, though, also realizes the importance of the match, and he too is up to his feet in much less than the usual time. Flesher knocks him back down, though, grabbing the middle rope and swinging his Docs out at the youngster! Maddix careens backwards, unable to block the dropkick. Flesher backs into the ring, once again taking hold of the rope. As Maddix gets up, he’s met once again with a dropkick to the face, and once again collapses to the outside. The Superior One gets up and, in a self-satisfied manner, dusts off his hands as if he’d actually accomplished something. He takes a few steps back, making sure to keep an eye on Landon. As soon as Landon grabs the ring skirt, Tom gets into his stance, and springs into action as soon as Maddix’s head peeks up over the apron. He shoots his feet at Maddix, hitting a baseball slide dropkick! Instead of pushing him back, though, Flesher locks his ankles behind Maddix’s head and reclines on the mat. After a moment to make sure the scissors grip is sound, Flesher rolls to the side and pulls Maddix with him, sending the young cruiserweight head over heels and slamming him to the concrete! Zenon shouts at Flesher to let Maddix back into the ring, and Flesher offers to go one better. He rolls out of the ring, grabbing Maddix by the shoulders and escorting him into the ring. The crowd boos, but Flesher rolls him in safely and plants him in the center of the ring. Then, he moves to the corner once again. “One would think,” says Comet, “that Citizen Flesher’s bad luck earlier in the match would prevent him from going to the top rope once again. In any event, he’s never had very good luck with high flyers, as one may recall from his epic loss to the Wildchild at Clusterfuck in the match that brought the Cruiserweight Title into existence.” “Ah, shut yer hole,” says Riley. “He just wants to finish this match in style.” Flesher perches on the top rope, then raises his hands high. He pauses to soak in the boos of the crowd, and then leaps forward into a somersault! He seems to hover in the air, turning gracefully and falling toward the vulnerable body of Landon Maddix, before finally crashing to the mat! And Landon rolls out of the way. The crowd bursts into cheers as Flesher hits nothing but canvas, slamming in and shaking the ringposts! King shakes his head as Landon gets up to his feet, knowing that he’ll never have a chance like this again. He lifts Flesher to his feet and whips him into the corner, then follows him in with a running avalanche! Flesher staggers forward, but Landon keeps him in the corner and wraps one arm around his shoulders. He turns to the corner, trying to get in position for the Crash Landon… but Flesher shrugs him off! He throws Maddix to the center of the ring, only to have the Future of the SWF charge at him and hit him in the face with a dropkick! Flesher’s head snaps back, and once again, Landon tries to set up the Crash Landon. Tom, desperate, throws palm strike after palm strike to shake Landon off, but simply can’t muster the strength! Finally, with a scream, Flesher pulls a hand back, closes his fist, and rocks Landon with a stiff right cross that catches him off-guard! The fans boo loudly as Flesher’s face hangs, with even the Superior One himself not sure that he just threw a punch. “A punch! Citizen Flesher is on the ropes now, surely, as he’s resorted to using a closed fist for only the second time in his career!” “Oh, did something happen? My monitor went out.” Alex Zenon, however, is sure. He steps in and shouts at Flesher, admonishing him for using an illegal closed fist. Flesher argues, trying to save his skin, with his whole heart and soul on the line as he worries about being disqualified for only the second use of a punch in his career. As he tries to plead his case, Landon Maddix slides in behind him and hammers him with an uppercut between the thighs! Flesher immediately doubles over in pain, and Zenon looks down with a scowl at Maddix. La Cucaracha simply feigns innocence, and Zenon, having not seen anything, is unable to do anything about it. “COME ON! That’s a DQ if I ever saw one!” cries Riley. “Would you call it, ref? Would you?” “I wouldn’t be too keen on that, Robert,” says Comet. “I believe that you’ll have to answer to Mr. Zenon in the morning.” With Flesher neutralized, Maddix once more locks a hand around his shoulders, and this time backs into the corner unimpeded. He climbs to the second rope, and… almost in slow motion… leaps off the turnbuckle. He spins around, executing the tornado Downward Spiral with pinpoint accuracy and slamming Flesher into the mat with such force that the two foes bounce off the canvas! Landon makes the cover, and as the Suicide King leans into the ring, Mark Stevens steps in. He stares King down, almost daring him to break up the pin. “Raynor won’t cheat,” says Cyclone Comet, “and with the Suicide King neutralized by his once best friend…” Alex Zenon makes the count. ONE!!!!! TWO!!!!!!! THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!! DING DING DING!!!! The crowd bursts into a “CHEAT TO WIN! CHEAT TO WIN!” chant and generally goes absolutely apeshit as Landon Maddix leaps off the canvas, jumping for joy at his win over one of the greatest superstars in SWF history! Zenon smirks at King as Chris Raynor simply hangs his head, disappointed. Edwin sprints into the ring, joining Zenon, Stevens and Landon in the center, over Tom Flesher’s motionless body. The four men join hands and raise them in the air as Funyon makes the announcement. “Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of this match… the team of ‘Grand Slam’ Mark Stevens, Edwin MacPhisto, and LANDOOOOOON MAAAAAAAAAAAADDIX~!” Landon screams with emotion as his name is announced as the winner. He jumps in the air, leaping into Grand Slam and hugging him! The Carnival team celebrates, with Flesher unmoving. On the outside, the Carnevil team is in sharp contrast. The Suicide King is livid, screaming, kicking the ropes and swearing at the top of his lungs. Chris Raynor numbly walks down the steps, where Allison Onita waits to console him with an embrace. “Ladies and gentlemen, we have seen a momentous occasion this evening!” shouts Cyclone Comet, trying to be heard over the din of the crowd. “Landon Maddix, someone Tom Flesher dismissed as nothing but a ‘face to be named later’ in Mark Stevens’ playbook, has secured the win over Flesher himself to win the match for his team! MacPhisto, Stevens, and, yes, Maddix emerge victorious tonight, and Tom Flesher is the one to finish the match on his back! Can tonight get any more intense? We’ll find out next, as the SWF World Championship is on the line!” The camera continues rolling as the Carnival team, still celebrating, makes its way up the ramp to a huge ovation.

Door-seein' bastard. I'm pretty visual... when I do logic proofs I envision the symbols.

The Crossfire finish is where I inexplicably end the match with references to a CNN show, Crossfire, which features people sniping at each other politically in a shamelessly partisan fashion. Usually Tucker Carlson on the right and Paul Begala on the left, as I'm a big fan. It's the Chewbacca defense of my matches. This is the most egregious example.

I actually didn't no-show for.... probably about a year after I joined the fed. Strangler used to wonder if I was a robot. Of course, once I started it was all downhill from there. And, of course, I invented the Crossfire finish.

There's a Lockdown on October 27th. I insist you do my Halloween concept show.

Not if I got there first, Dustin.

She IS quite the trout.

Final count: 15,251. I think my eyes are bleeding.

Just moved from a 14 (716) to a 5 (212). Goooo me.

Team Heel is over 12k and counting.

Very well-written. I enjoyed helping you do your research.

Shortdogger.

You know what I have to say about that? +1.

Hey, like I did with Candace! Except with a handshake.

You know, it's not the competition or the quality of the fed. It's the principle. Someone worked on that stat profile, and you were just getting the benefit of his work without any sort of acknowledgement whatsoever. If you don't grasp that, well... I can't say I'm unsurprised, but it's still sad.

We've actually discussed this a couple of times. The consensus of the writers tends to be that writing straight wrestling matches all the time gets boring for them. Frankly, I agree with you on this one, but not on the same grounds - I think you can tell a better story if you save the gimmicks for special occasions, and I just like writing straight wrestling a little more. That said, at some point when you're floundering in the lowercard due to a total lack of writing ability, you take what you're given. I'm honored. Really. Did I use Candace as a device to run my character's gimmick and write a match that wasn't my best effort? Yes. Yes I did. You earn a bit of creative license and newb-hazing privileges after a certain amount of blinding success in the fed, and you also develop an expectation that people won't take themselves so damn seriously. But beyond that I offered you honest criticism that wasn't sugar-coated but also wasn't cruel, which I was hoping would make your matches and promos less eye-clawingly bad. I see that I've failed. I don't do that much, so I'm quite disappointed.

It's a little late, but no one's explicitly called opener, so I'll stick my name on it. If this is a problem for anyone, IM me.

You're aware.

When I was about 13, my mom said, "You know there's no Santa, right?" just sort of in passing, as we were loading the car up to go to my grandmother's. "Yup," I said, having just sort of assumed about seven years earlier. Little did I know that my older brother, who's somewhat developmentally delayed, had to be sat down and have it explained to him around the same age, and was in denial for a few years after. He still talks bitterly about having been told "The Truth."

Best of luck, Dace. Fuckin' kids. Get off my ... gets tackled by Outcast and sued for copyright infringement

Well, not TdK himself, but I think I've busted out his skinny alter ego John Trudel at least once.

The AP writer's act was despicable, and the AP should have owned up to the mistake. Hopefully, Hays won't work again. In any event, I think it's fair to say we're all hoping for a full recovery regardless of political stripe.