Ace309

Ooh, cliffhangy

I sent this in, but unfortunately G0R0 ate the competitors as well as SJL road agent Mr. Bukkake. === Mr. Bukkake is dismayed, for he can see they're still in the sack

Anyone remember when one of the skin sites posted a description of fans attacking and stripping Trish?

SJL METAL CARD Date: Tuesday, October 21, @ 8 PM EST Venue: The Burt Flickinger Center in downtown Buffalo, New York. ECW used to broadcast from here. You can throw a rock from one end of the arena to the other. Send Promos & Marked Matches To: Longdogger_Pete OPENING PROMO Call it. EJIRO FASAKI’S PANTS ON A POLE MATCH Jay Morrison vs. Steve Bartman, The Guy Who Caught The Foul Ball At Game 6 Description: It seems that venerable announcer Ejiro Fasaki has misplaced his pants. Some prankster ran them up the flagpole just to see who’d salute. Frankly, having Ejiro sitting there pantsless is causing Annie Eclectic to wig out, especially since his American Flag boxers aren’t exactly flattering. Also, Ejiro’s getting pretty cold. Won’t someone please return his pants? Rules: Ejiro’s pants are on the pole. Once they come down, they can legally be used as a weapon, but Ejiro won’t be very happy if they come back ripped. The first person to give Ejiro a pair of pants will be declared the winner. Steve Bartman is your average middle-aged guy who needs a beating. Referee Ced Ordonez, incidentally, is the same waist size as Ejiro. Bartman might be as well. Who knows? Only time will tell. Word Count: 3000, but really, just write anything. Send To: Tod deKindes HELL IN A SACK Brian Bowers vs. David Blazenwing Special Referee: SJL Road Agent Mr. Bukkake Description: Blazenwing was hanging out backstage for some reason last week. He seems to show up when it’s least expected. He was heard to remark that former TV Champion Brian Bowers couldn’t wrestle his way out of a wet paper sack, and Commissioner Raynor thought it was such a good idea that he made the match. Rules: The match will take place in the boiler room, where the wrestlers will step into a large paper sack which will then be shut using the “fold the top end over a couple of times” method. The sack will be wet down by the special referee, SJL road agent Mr. Bukkake. We’ve asked him to please use a hose. The winner will be the first one to wrestle his way out of the paper sack and kiss Mr. Bukkake’s hand (the left one, for god’s sake – don’t ask why). Blazenwing may be written in any of his gimmicks, ranging from HHH clone to superhero to bumbling idiot who occasionally posts on our boards, and it really doesn’t matter what his stats are. Word Count: 3000, but again, see above. Send To: Ace309 SINGLES MATCH Dominic Korgath vs. Manson Description: Two of the premier wrestlers in the SJL today, Manson has established himself at the top of the card while Dominic Korgath is still working his way up. This match isn’t for a contendership, but the winner will definitely make himself known to Commissioner Raynor. Rules: Standard singles match. Countouts and DQs are in effect. Word Count: 5000 Send To: TheBostonStrangler SINGLES MATCH REDUX Aecas vs “The Demon” Jimmy Liston Description: Hey, you haven’t seen each other in a while. Let’s get you reacquainted. Rules: Standard singles match. Countouts and DQs are in effect. Word Count: 5000 Send To: Thoth TWO FALLS, TWO TITLES MATCH “Insane Luchadore” Andrew Rickmen © vs. Todd Royal © vs. Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix Description: Todd Royal won a shot at Andrew Rickmen by beating him clean last week, and Landon Maddix has a European Title contendership to cash in. Commissioner Raynor thought and thought about the way to resolve this quandary, and settled on a good, old-fashiond two falls, two titles match. Rules: The winner of the first fall wins the European Championship. The winner of the second fall wins the World Championship. They are separate triple threat matches under first-win rules, and there will be a one-minute break after the first fall. No one is eliminated – all three wrestlers will compete in both falls. It is entirely possible to write yourself to win both titles, but if you do, it is entirely possible that your next booking will be a ticket on Thoth’s bus. Word Count: 7000 Send To: Longdogger_Pete

*twitches at the OP insisting on referring to Trips and Taker as "Paul and Mark"*

United States Title Ejiro Fasaki© vs Johnny Dangerous - E JEE ROH! E JEE ROH~! I'm such a mark. Handicap Match The Boston Strangler vs Sinquizition - Sinquizition, because the team of two never wins, so they'll swerve us. Steel Chair Challange Va'aiga vs CIA - Va'aiga~! Drewl's too rusty. ICTV Title Match Andrew Blackwell© vs Xstasy - X MAIN EVENT Cage Match, Non-Title Michael Craven vs "The Superior One" Tom Flesher - No prediction, as usual.

I heartily endorse Camel Turkish Royals.

So fill us in. After all, tricks is tricks.

If this is what the prosecution's presenting, the ACLU's support won't make any difference. They'll be laughed out of court. The complaint and jury demand are here.

Does a thousand pounds of flour make a big biscuit? I have lame family.

Well, I'm using my philosophy major as a springboard into law school. The methods of thinking help students of philosophy to organize their thoughts and express them more clearly, as well as prepare arguments they make and evaluate arguments presented to them. Philosophy isn't sitting around discussing free will and fate. Sure, that IS discussed to a degree, but the focus is on finding a better way to ask the question as a way to get closer to the answer. No, it's not as useful as they tell you, but as preparation for another degree or as a minor for any given degree, it can't be beat.

Of course there were failures, but the very nature of failures says that we won't know about the worst of them. They were a training center for Stampede, as I recall, and not a place where wrestlers were necessarily hand-picked for greatness. I know Kawada worked in Canada for a while with Tom Zenk, but I'm not sure whether that was in Stampede or somewhere further east.

Oooh, Colin Ferguson Redux~!

I would like a copy of your brochure. Please add me to your product's mailing list.

Fuck you and the lawyer you rode in on.

I don't see why that's not acceptable.

Tom Flesher Promo I Some of the dialog here was flatter on re-read than I realized. I blame the people I showed the promo to before posting it. Hopefully the story got told, though. Va’aiga Promo I I love the new entrance, particularly the boxer’s robe. I have no idea why. It’s an interesting examination of what’s going through Va’aiga’s head, and I’ve always liked the paranoid, not-loved-enough heel turn. Good luck with the heel turn and whatever direction you have planned. CIA Promo I mark for Drew, even if he is Mr. Cameo. I’m always happy to see the Kelkster back, even if it IS just for one match. I also love these overlapping segments. They have such a good, high-production-values feel to them. The Boston Strangler vs. Xero The pre-match banter served as a good re-explanation for anyone who hadn’t been following the angle, which was good. Of course, this seemed like… Uh, yeah, like that. Still, I know that these plot-drivin’ matches are difficult to write, and it served its purpose. So a hallucinogen walks into the commissioner’s office… The Kliqness is strong with this one. I can only hope that when the Class of 2002 comes to power we’re as all-pervasive as you guys. I enjoyed this, and it’s good to see X back in the conjectured old form. Va’aiga Promo II Poor Wildchild. He just can’t seem to catch a break these days. And let me just say, Va’aiga is doing very, very well with the synthesis of the paranoid heel and the monster heel. Mark Stevens Is Summoned To His Skybox Ooh, Curry. Thoth vs. Jay Dawg On skimming, I was all ready to slap you for writing a shitty match to cover for not starting, but I take it back. I thought, regardless of the effort put in, you handled it well with Thoth’s preoccupation and the note from Ced. Mark Stevens In His Skybox I could have sworn that Mark’s promo where he declared there would be no more bombings dealt with wrestlers threatening the commish… ah well. The shining diamond in this promo is Craven’s reference to the Suicide King without letting him become a crutch. Of course, I don’t find Michael Craven threatening a hobbled man who hasn’t wrestled in a year to be particularly brave or persuasive. I pray for further development. Ejiro Fasaki and Johnny Dangerous Promo I LOVE Ejiro’s nerdiness. I also love Wildchild as property to be bought and sold with the US Title, although somewhere the smarks that read too much into JR whipping Coach are writing letters to Mark Stevens to complain about the VILE, RAMPANT RACISM~! Ah well, the angle still rocks. Tom Flesher Promo II Again, I just hope this carried the story along. Justice & Rule vs. Sinquizition I love love love love love hijacking Jeopardy, particularly with the Constitutional Law questions. The chop sequence is nice. The commentary is being used really well to point out psychology, which J&R have always been good at. Grounding Quiz and attacking his back and ribs is a nice plan of attack, particularly if you can keep Duran out of the ring. Incidentally, playing up Duran’s anger is just right here. It’s done adeptly, without banging the reader over the head with it but still being THERE. And then… Duran comes in. Okay. All in all, though, excellent, excellent match. I know Duran’s going to kill me for saying this, but jesus, you two have defined SWF Tag Team Wrestling for about a year. I’m pleased to see you with the belts again, even as in-character I growl and moan. Va’aiga Promo That was odd. “The Sacred One” Andrew Blackwell © vs. Dace “Horrorcore” Night Allow me to once again express my pleasure that we roped in the resident move smark and got him on board. Dace, you’ve really, really improved since your first JL match. This, of course, was phoned in, but you knew that. You’re burned out. Enjoy the time you’re taking off and then come back strong. Danny Williams Promo Danny’s never been a promo writer, but this one turned out well. I like the grudging acknowledgement without acknowledgement that he favored Dace, kinda, sorta, maybe a little, but it was unintentional and it didn’t make a difference anyway. Good promo, furthered the angle. Good stuff. Tom Flesher Promo III and Match Once again, I just hope it went well.

SJL road agent Mr. Bukkake would SO kick Alex Tsirinov's ass.

Sorry to hear that, man. Consider yourself re-employed as a ref.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't the battle royal win put the belt on Jado without necessarily having him go over anyone? So the Sammy theory seems to make sense. Harm no one except Jado.

The Embassy Suites, Montgomery, Alabama. Thursday, October 16, 2003. 6 PM. Tom Flesher pushes open the door of his hotel room. He steps in, setting his travel bag on the floor and kicking off his Doc Marten boots. As the door swings shut behind him, he spins around and collapses on the bed. Taylor tomorrow, he thinks to himself, and sighs. Grand Slam’s really kicking my ass with the schedule. I’m not sure I blame him… big names draw big money, and right now I’m one of the biggest in the business. Tom takes a deep breath, arching slightly to crack his back. Of course, if he keeps grinding me like this, I won’t be in the business for much longer. Flesher rolls his neck back and forth, prompting cracks from that as well, and then sits up. He reaches up and gently rubs his jaw, the spot where Dace Night assaulted him continually with elbow smashes on Monday night. With another deep sigh, he reaches into his bag and pulls out a bottle of ibuprofen. As he pops two into his mouth and swallows without bothering with water, he shrugs his shoulders to try to loosen up. This is my fourth straight defense, he thinks. Judge, then Strangler, then Dace, and now Taylor. None of them is easy on you. Bill ground me down, Dace just tried to beat the shit out of me. Strangler… he’s not even functional right now and he still made me fight for the double DQ. I’m sore all over, and the drive wasn’t exactly easy on my back. Taylor’s had a light schedule. He didn’t wrestle at Genesis, just harassed Strangler. He loses to X in the middle of the ring on his own, and then drags Sacred down with him to lose to X and TBS. He didn’t fight for it… he just went down. He’s practically fresh. And so Mark rewards him with a shot at my belt. Tom lays apathetically back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. I know I should go down and spend some time on the treadmill. Taylor’s going to take me to the limit, and I should make sure my cardio is where it should be… but damn. I don’t even think my body can take it tonight. He’s such a bastard. He ruins Strangler mentally and brays like a jackass about it. He loses twice without even getting hurt and gets rewarded with a shot at me when I’m at my worst. Flesher folds his arms up behind his head, his brow knotted up as he lays deep in thought. Strangler’s not a bad guy. He’s naïve… it’s almost like he forgot how he grew up. Most people start off innocent and harden as they grow up, but he’s found so much humanity over the past year. He saw his mistakes and corrected them. He won the World Title. He even put up one of the most incredible fights I’ve ever had to work against, and then did it again when I won the belt back from him. Everything was going well for him, and then Taylor shows up. Strangler can’t take care of himself, and it’s all because of that bastard. I don’t want to have to stand up for Strangler, but he can’t fight his own battles right now. Not until he fixes whatever it is that’s wrong in his head. Someone needs to keep Taylor from ruining him forever. I’ve got the chance to knock him down a few notches tomorrow night. Flesher rolls over, reaching for the room service phone, but stops. He grimaces, and reaches to rub his neck once again. I just hope my body holds out. I've got to remember to call Mark tomorrow. ~fin~

Failing anything involving venerable SJL road agent Mr. Bukkake, I think my choice is clear.

Thoth's bus is a standard Greyhound, and so it's upholstered and non-smoking. Also, the bus drives you to Santa Barbara, where you will arrive at Thoth's dorm room and be spanked while the latest Dance Dance Revolution mix plays in the background.

It's a proud tradition here in the SJL to see if someone's alive by offering them a completely ridiculous match. Previously, these were punishment matches, including the infamous Reverse Inferno Semen Match (in which the 'winner' was the one to light himself on fire and drink 8oz of Jay Dawg's sperm) and the revolutionary Nature's Gift Nutshot match (in which two wrestlers in Furry costumes competed in a match where the only legal move was the Galatea Special). However, we've moved away from humiliating punishment matches. As it is, it's possible (though not probably) that Bowers and Morrison were just bored being booked with each other, so I booked two utterly ridiculous matches to offer them a change of pace. It's not as if they'll be rewarded with anything other than a spot on the active roster for showing, and if their records mattered to them they wouldn't have no-showed so much. But really, it's just a way of having an amusing match to read, whether they write it or the marker does. I look forward to either Morrison or Tod writing someone being strangled with Ejiro's pants.

RESULTS Read it. It won’t take you any more than five minutes. Needless to say, I’m VERY disappointed that the first show I’m posting is so wrestling-light with absolutely no promos. Hopefully, this is going to shape up in a few weeks. With that in mind, I’d like to make two requests. 1- Usually when shows are light like this, it indicates that the writers are unhappy, and that sucks. We want you to enjoy yourselves here, because that’s what this is all about. If there are problems, please, talk to CC. Pete, Thoth and I are always available, either by PM or on AIM. If you have a problem or an idea for an angle, please, let us know. We want the league to be active and enjoyable too. If there’s something we can do to make it more active and enjoyable, talk to us. 2- We really need some new blood around here. Please, talk to any of your friends who you think might be interested in this. If you post at other boards, plug us there (*cough* according to their policies on advertising, of course). Please, try to spread the word about the SWF and SJL to anyone who might turn out to enjoy it. We rely on word of mouth here, so plug us when you get the chance.