Ace309

Oh, yeah, Stubby too.

The legends of the current era... King, Mark, Edwin, Thugg. I'd include Comet et al, but they were from a different time.

I'd buy the tape. Hogan seems to put his workboots on when he's overseas, and I'm a Chono mark to begin with.

The previous post attempted to make the thread even duller, but was superfluous, as the thread has already hit rock bottom. Juxtaposition.

My work here is done.

This, friends, was your sub-main.

Update: The US men have clinched a top-3 team score with two finals matches to go. If Cael Sanderson at 84kg, who finished his college career undefeated in 2002, and Kerry McCoy at 120kg win their matches, the US should clinch the team honors. Russia's mathematically out of it, and it would take a miracle for Iran to win it. The US women have, incredibly, ALL clinched medals. Two of the seven won Bronze this morning, and the rest are in the gold medal round. Incredible.

Iran's shitting the bed royally this year, and with several Cubans held out of the New York City tournament due to *cough* "pinkeye," it looks like this one's the USA's to win or lose. Russia, as always, will be a tough customer, as will the former Russian republics, but the USA is wrestling the best tournament it's seen in ages. http://www.themat.com/specialevents/2003/f...lds/default.asp

Was it really promoted beforehand? I knew that the wrestlers were hyping their matches in the pre-SurSer interviews, but as I recall, they didn't "confirm pay-per-view coverage" until after the Hogan/Taker drama.

You know, I JUST remembered this one. Clusterfuck, ELM vs Tom in Ladder/Submission. This was just a really superb match that affected my character for MONTHS. It was excellent and deserves a mention.

YOU CLOSE THAT FUCKING CAN OF WORMS RIGHT NOW. Hmm... Craig McLennan for saying he's glad Johnny Cash is dead.

Oh, hey, TNT/Tod.

$25, assuming I can get a damn XXL. Can I get a damn XXL?

The university's computer store is running specials, rebates and such on the portable storage gadgets. A USB ZIP drive and a 256-mb USB flash drive will end up costing roughly the same. They both have a USB interface (obviously) and all of the computers on campus have front USB ports. I'm probably going to buy one of these to schlep my data around on, especially during term paper season. Any advice?

It was a while ago, so I'd like to remind everyone of Tom vs. Orochi for the ICTV Title at Ashes 2 Ashes. For your consideration, the match was written in the first person and was meant to help tell the story of Thoth turning into Orochi and developing new personality quirks. Take a look at it.

Blazenwing.

Danny Williams/Mak Francis

Frost's "shoot interview" with Howard Stern. It was just incredible.

Teh Tehmplate~! Tag Titles #1 Contendersip Match Dante Crane and Crow vs. the Unholy Trinity (Dace Night and Va'aiga) No-DQ Handicap Match Double Jeopardy vs. Nathaniel Kibagami ICTV Title Match Mak "The Franchise" Francis v. Jay Dawg Hardcore Title Match WildChild © v. "The Sinner" John Duran And your Double Main Event! Losers' Bracket Final Match Special Guest Commentator: "The King of Nightmares" Michael Craven Apostle vs. "The Judge" William Hearford World Title "I Quit" Match "The Superior One" Tom Flesher vs. The Boston Strangler

Oxycontin (I don't know if that's spelled right) Hydrocodone, which I think is the same as Vicodin Ritalin

I kind of figured this was going to lose. I'm not terribly thrilled with my partners today, because on the afternoon of the show, instead of getting 3000ish words that built toward the finish we had planned, I got a PM with 1466 words and a vague suggestion for a new finish. I had to scrap my notes and wrote 70% of the match between 4 PM and 9 PM. The worst part is that I thought it was going to win. I think what hurt us most was the extended selling on the part of the two wrestlers involved in the finish - they were both laying around, basically, with no excuse to be laying around for that long. Of course, what really hurt us was that I had to scrap my match plan and write the majority of the match within a few hours because I got stiffed. Thanks, guys. === “QUIZ!” “SHOW!” “COME ON DOWN~!” The disembodied voice of Rod Roddy brings us back from break, as Quiz and Show step onto the entrance ramp, posing like mad with the tag belts. Crystal Waters’ “Come On Down” blasts over the P.A. as Quiz grabs a mic, pointing up at the Smarktron, tonight bearing a Family Feud-like board setup. Three answers are given, as Quiz grins, grabbing a microphone. “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to tonight’s CELEBRITY edition of the Quiz show!” The Oklahoma crowd lashes back with boos, as Quiz pats his title for no real reason, continuing to speak. “Introducing tonight’s CELEBRITY special guest, he would like to thank all of you for paying him tonight, and as a favor to you he’ll try to snap the Boston Strangler in three pieces! He is Superior, he is the One, he is the Superior One! TOOOOOOOM FLESHER!” BOOOM! An explosion of blue pyro goes off as “Kashmir” by Led Zeppelin starts up, smoke filling the entranceway and Tom Flesher steps out, nodding his head to the beat of the music. He comes down to where Quiz and Show are standing, shaking hands with both of them as Show hands him a microphone and he begins to speak. “I’d like to thank both of you for having me on the show tonight, it’s truly a pleasure.” Quiz grins. “It’s always a pleasure to be in the presence of someone so superior! Now then, Tom, we polled one hundred people, asking them this question. Who, tonight, is going to be pinned by the three-man team of Celebrity Jeopardy?” Flesher puts a hand to his chin, stroking it gently as he tries to think of an answer. “Hmmm… Va’aiga?” Show golf-claps, yelling out “Good answer!” as Quiz smiles. “Va’aiga, eh? SURVEY SAYS!” *DING!* The number three turns over to reveal Va’aiga, with 17 votes. “Number three answer! Same question, Mr. Matthews. Who is going to be pinned by Celebrity Jeopardy?” Show strokes his chin now, trying to think of a good answer. “Umm… Dace Night?” Flesher shakes Show’s hand encouragingly as Quiz calls it out. “Dace Night, SURVEY SAYS!” *DING!* The number two turns over to reveal Dace Night, with 21 votes. “Good answer, Mr. Matthews! Back to you, Mr. Flesher, same question.” Flesher and Show converse quickly, and then Flesher breaks away, smiling broadly. “The Boston Strangler!” The crowd erupts in boos as Show calls out “Good answer!”, Quiz yelling it out. “The Boston Strangler, SURVEY SAYS!” *DING!* The number one turns over to reveal The Boston Strangler, with 62 votes. “Very good, Mr. Flesher! Thank you, everybody, for watching the Quiz show!” The three men then walk towards the ring, finally sliding in. Quiz and Show once again show off their Tag Team Titles, as Flesher stands in the middle of the ring, allowing the Oklahomans to bask in his superiority. Without further ado… “LET FREEDOM RING WITH A SHOTGUN BLAST!” “Davidian” by Machinehead blasts through the Ford Center as red lights flash by the entryway. The crowd lets out a roar, as two figures appear from the abyss. They continue their stoic walk to the ring as Funyon stands to announce them. “Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is a six-man tag team match, scheduled for one fall! At a combined weight of 557 pounds, they are the Unholy Trinity, Va’aiga and DAAAAAAACE NIGHT!!!” At the end of the ramp, Dace and Va’aiga stand in wait, as they look back to the entry way. With that, the house lights dim, and the crowd begins to buzz in anticipation. The opening guitar riff of “Godzilla” by the Blue Oyster Cult hits, and the crowd roars WILDLY as the fan-favorite Champion walks out from the back, title slung over his shoulder. He raises his fist to the crowd as he continues to walk down to his partners. “From Boston, Massachusetts, weighing in at 303 pounds, he is THE SWF HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOOOOOORLD, THE BOSTON STRAAAAAAAAAAAANGLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” The crowd once again cheers their approval as Strangler meets up with Dace and Va’aiga. The three nod to each other and rush into the ring, sliding in to meet Celebrity Jeopardy head on as Nick Soapdish calls for the bell to begin the match! *DING DING DING* Tom Flesher cuts the World Champion off, meeting him with stomps as he slides into the ring, while Show clubs Va’aiga in the back and Quiz drops an elbow on Dace. Night gets up, however, grabbing Quiz by the legs and lifting him up, Stun Gunning him on the top rope! The crowd roars as Quiz’s neck is guillotined across the top, and he hits the mat, rolling out of the ring and grabbing his neck in pain! Strangler, meanwhile, is up and clubbing Tom about the head and neck, driving him back into a corner. He grins madly as he sees Dace all alone, and whips the small former champ at Night… and right into a huge lariat! Flesher hits the mat, rolling out of the ring to avoid further assault and leaving Show all alone with the entire opposing team! “Flesher and Quiz bail, but there’s still over a half-ton of meat in the ring!” “Oh, and by the way this is CYCLOOOOOONE COMET!!!!!!!!” shouts the masked crusader from the announce table. “… alongside Bobby Riley.” “Thanks, Comet.” Show and Va’aiga exchange blows while Strangler and Dace inch closer, the crowd roaring as Show feels the other two closing in around him! Quickly, Show turns around, trying to lariat Strangler – but TBS grabs the arm, lifting Show up into a fireman’s carry! The crowd roars as Va’aiga goes over, grabbing Show by the neck and shouting to the crowd! The fans respond in kind as TBS falls back, planting Show with a Samoan drop as the monstrous Maori executes a neckbreaker! The crowd shouts along with Va’aiga’s “MY HOUSE!” as he and Strangler exit the ring, leaving Dace wide open for the pin! “ONE!” “TWO!” “THRE –” Soapdish’s count is cut off as Flesher and Quiz pull him out of the ring. Dace notices the ref exiting the ring and grabs Show, lifting him to his feet. “Heel tactics from Celebrity Jeopardy prevent the early three-count, and it seems that Flesher and Quiz are going to have to use their wit to keep up with the Boston Trinity here.” “I have to agree, Citizen Riley. Celebrity Jeopardy is the smaller of the two teams, but, like a cakemaker at work in the bakery, they can rely on the precision of their ingredients. Quiz’s manipulation fills it… Show’s skuill ices it… and when heated with Tom Flesher’s cake batter of inky black evil, the result will surely be a formidable test for the powers of justice!” Riley pauses. “Comet, what the hell is wrong with you?” Flesher and Quiz get up on the apron as Dace grabs Show by the arm, whipping him into the ropes. Show hits them, coming back at Night, who grabs him by the waist and lifts him up, dropping him forward onto his back with a monster spinebuster! The crowd erupts as Dace leans forward, looking for three… “ONE!” “TWO!” “THRE – NO!” Show barely gets the shoulder up, and Dace grabs him by the purple dress shirt, angrily lifting him to his feet. “Dace is full of rage here tonight, although I have no idea why.” “Citizen Riley, your understanding of the politics in the ring is weak. Dace Night is always full of rage, just as Ted Flink was full of piss and vinegar, and just as the Suicide King is full of-” “Wonderful new career options for you,” says Riley, “especially if you piss him off.” Dace picks Show up, facing him, but quickly Dace goes behind Show, wrapping both of his arms around Show’s midsection. They face the Trinity corner, as Dace heaves Show overhead, releasing him with a German suplex! The crowd roars for the Filthy German, as Show lands hard on his head near the Celebrity Jeopardy corner! Thinking quickly, Quiz stands on the second rope, clutching the tag rope as he reaches over and makes the blind tag into the ring! “Blind tag by Quiz,” says Riley, “and now he’s the legal man!” “Wise move by Celebrity Jeopardy. They knew Show was going to get thrown around.” Quiz hops down onto the apron, then leaps high into the air, landing on the top rope! He springboards off of it as Dace gets to his feet, turning to admire his handiwork… only to be caught by a springboard cross body from Quiz! The crowd pops for the move but boos Quiz as Dace falls over, allowing Quiz to make the cover! “ONE!” “TWO – NO!” Dace gets the shoulder up, and Quiz quickly scampers to his feet, going over to the Celebrity Jeopardy corner to discuss strategy with Flesher and Show as Dace gets to his feet, charging Quiz… who hits the mat quickly, scissoring Dace’s legs with a drop toehold! Dace falls, his head bouncing off the middle turnbuckle pad! “OOOOOOOOH!” “Slick maneuver there from Quiz, using his cunning to his advantage here!” “Quiz’s tactics are heinous! Somebody must make sure he learns the ways of JUSTICE~!” Dace falls to the mat, and Quiz picks him up, tagging to Flesher as he locks Dace in a smooth double chickenwing. Flesher measures Night quickly, then levels a smooth kick at Night’s kneecap, causing Dace to let out an uncharacteristic yell of pain. He sweeps Dace’s leg out from under him, taking him to the mat and then swiftly lifting the leg and kicking the hamstring. Still holding the leg, he reaches out and tags Quiz back in. He drapes the leg over the bottom rope as Quiz mounts the second rope, then dives off with a senton splash! Night cries out again as he feels the weight coming down across his leg. Quiz quickly gets back to his feet, though, and tags in his partner. Show enters the ring just as fast as the others and takes his turn, leaping into the air and then dropping his nearly 300 pounds across the High Priest’s leg with a sitdown splash! As the crowd boos, he pulls Dace back to his feet and slams him into the corner. He reaches back and throws a hard, condescending slap across Dace’s face! The crowd boos as he tags Quiz back in. Quiz leaps into the ring, backing up just far enough to add more force as he, too, slaps Dace hard! The crowd continues booing as he tags in Flesher, who slides in and ends the series with one more bitchslap! “Celebrity Jeopardy is certainly latching onto any advantage they can,” says Bobby Riley. “Smart wrestling by the trio keeps Dace Night in the corner. After all, he can’t tag out from there.” “Of course not, Citizen Riley. He might, however, had he had the foresight to load up on Cyclone Comet Vitamins before the match. Or at least a bottle of Pepsi-MAX.” Flesher turns and begins golf-clapping for himself as Quiz and Show each grab an arm, holding Dace in the corner. The crowd responds by starting up a chant of “YOU SUCK DICK! YOU SUCK DICK!” Flesher dismissively waves off the crowd, then turns and uses the momentum in an afterthought of a palm strike. The defenseless Unholy Trinity member staggers out of the corner, stunned, and tries to fight, but Doubly Jeopardy holds him back in the corner. Flesher turns, points at Va’aiga, and shouts, “Hey, you gonna leave your partner out in the cold?!” Angered, the Maori Monster steps into the ring. Referee Nick Soapdish sees him out of the corner of his eye and, being a good official, immediately turns to stop him from illegally entering. He holds Va’aiga back, calmly asking him to return to his corner. As Strangler tries to calm Va’aiga, Flesher throws an absolutely flagrant kick to Dace’s groin. Dace doubles over, and as Soapdish turns back around, Quiz and Show release his arms. Flesher grabs Dace around the waist and effortlessly arches his back, throwing his adversary to the mat with a Railgun suplex! He rolls over and lets Soapdish count ONE!!!!! TWO!!!!!!!! NO! Dace kicks out! “Dace Night, showing the toughness so characteristic of the Unholy Trinity,” says Comet. “Surely, in this match, justice will prevail!” “Don’t you think it would be unjust to see the best wrestler in the SWF today lose, Comet?” “Yes, Citizen Riley, it would. Clearly, the match can only end with the Boston Strangler’s arm raised in victory over a vanquished foe!” Dace rolls out of the cover and moves for his corner. Flesher, however, stops him by grabbing his ankle. Tom backs up, torquing the ankle as he does. He applies an ankle lock and falls backwards, scissoring the leg and tagging Quiz in as he does! Quiz grabs the top rope, pulling back and slingshotting himself in to land on Dace with a somersault senton! The crowd boos as Show encourages him, shouting “BIG BUCKS! BIG BUCKS!” He rolls Dace to his back for ONE!!!!! TWO!!!!!!!!! THR-NO! Dace kicks out, his wind still knocked out. Quiz tags in Show, who enters the ring and smirks as he looks at his battered opponent. With that, he lifts him into the air and locks on the body vise known as Body Language! Immediately, the fans begin to boo. “You have to give Celebrity Jeopardy some credit,” says Comet. “The strategy being employed by Citizen Show at this juncture is nothing short of spectacular!” “Well, obviously. After all, any time you can fatigue…” “The only fatigue dealt with by this strategy is that of the bladder, good man Robert.” “What the-?” “Pissbreak!” Comet stands up and starts to shuffle away from the table, but Riley grabs him by the cape and yanks him back to the seat. Comet sighs sadly and laments, “My back teeth are floating on the tides of justice.” As Show holds on to the bearhug, Flesher leans over the top rope and shouts, “HEY, get your big ass back to Australia!” Va’aiga’s eyes open wide, and his face contorts into a mask of anger as Comet explains, “As we know, comparing Va’aiga to an Australian would be roughly equivalent to asking an ethnic Albanian how his dear friend Mr. Milosevic is.” Va’aiga storms into the ring, and once again, Nick Soapdish devotes his energy to ordering him back to his corner. Show knowingly backs up closer to the corner, and as he squeezes the life out of the High Priest of Horrorcore, Tom Flesher climbs onto the ropes. With surgical precision, he pokes Dace in the left eye, then the right, and follows it up with a crisp bitchslap. The crowd boos at the flagrant chicanery, as Riley notes, “Obviously, that was more for the psychological effects than any real damage.” “Clearly, since Flesher didn’t injure Dace at all.” “Eh, he could have but he didn’t want to.” As TBS once again gets Va’aiga calmed down, Flesher reaches in and tags Show on the shoulder to reenter the ring. Show dutifully releases Dace, who starts crawling toward the corner. Flesher watches him intently, following behind him in baby steps. As Dace gets close to the corner, Flesher bends down, and with Dace’s hand only inches from Va’aiga’s, Flesher grabs his ankle and yanks him backwards with a smirk. The crowd boos, and Flesher cockily backs up. He reaches down and yanks Night to his feet, quickly crossing his arms across his stomach. Flesher starts to arch back for a Straitjacket suplex, but Night fights! “There’s no way out of this,” says Riley dismissively. “You can’t fight with your arms trapped.” Night, of course, does have a vote, and exercises it by gripping Flesher’s hands and somersaulting! He drives the surprised Superior One into the mat with a granby roll, freeing his hands and hooking Flesher by the leg and head for ONE!!!!!!!! TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO! Flesher gets free and rolls to his stomach, trying to get his bearings. Dace, also a little shaken by the granby roll, turns to face Flesher. Tom acts on instinct, grabbing the High Priest in a tight front facelock and stretching him out to forestall his escape. Dace, though, grits his teeth and fights his way to his feet. Flesher tightens the front facelock, but Dace clamps down on Flesher’s left arm and passes it by in the classic amateur escape. He keeps the left arm and pulls Flesher in, rocking him with a short-arm clothesline! Stunned, Flesher collapses to the mat, and Dace covers him for ONE!!!!!!!! TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREE-NO!!!!! Flesher gets a shoulder up and tries to get to his feet. Dace grabs him, though, and directs him to the Boston Trinity corner. With a hard shove, Dace guides Flesher to his position and politely offers his hand to Va’aiga. The Maori tags in, and just for good measure, Dace hits Flesher with a bony elbowsmash to keep him in place. Va’aiga enters the ring and stares Flesher down for a moment before, to the cheers of the crowd, screaming “MY HOUSE~!” Flesher throws a palm strike, trying to catch Va’aiga while he’s shouting, but the Maori Badass simply shrugs off the blow and answers with a hard left cross! Flesher eats the fist and tries to respond with another shotei, but Va’aiga nails him with another left cross, and another! He winds up, looking almost like a Pacific Island version of Bluto, then kisses his fist and hails Flesher with a hard right hook! Va’aiga, along with the whole crowd, screams “BOOYAH!” Again, Flesher tries to throw a shotei while he’s shouting, but succeeds only in throwing off his own balance and stumbling out of the corner, falling pathetically on his face. “What a display on the part of the Maori Badass!” says Comet. “…though he should work on his nickname a bit.” “Oh, he got lucky.” Va’aiga rolls Flesher onto his back and covers him for ONE!!!!!!!! TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quiz jumps into the ring! THREE-NO! Quiz drops an elbow onto Va’aiga’s back, breaking up the pin, if only nominally. Va’aiga looks up, glaring at Quiz like he’s a mosquito. Quiz backs up, holding his hands up and begging off as the giant Islander advances toward him! Before Va’aiga knows what hit him, though, Flesher nails him with an uppercut to the groin! Nick Soapdish, oblivious to the foul, simply ushers Quiz back to the corner as Flesher rolls Va’aiga into a schoolboy! ONE!!!!!!!! TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KICKOUT!!!!! Va’aiga rolls through, his monstrous body extending to tag in the Boston Strangler! The crowd roars its approval as Flesher, shocked, looks up to see the World Champion entering the ring! Tom stands up, looks to Strangler, then backs away. He waves one finger at TBS as if to say “Not today, Albert.” He then cockily backs into his corner and tags in Show. “You have to wonder about that move,” says Riley. “Tagging in the newest wrestler in the match to square off with the World Champion.” Strangler throws a punch, which Show absorbs and answers back in kind! Show rocks Strangler with his right hand, and Strangler responds the same way! Soon enough, the two giants are throwing stiff right hands back and forth, going punch-for-punch! “Seems to be working, though,” muses Bobby. Strangler throws one exceptionally hard punch, and Show staggers backwards, almost to one knee. The fans cheer TBS, who follows him and nails him again! He continues hammering Show, with Show taking an unsteady step back each time… until Strangler finds himself in the Celebrity Jeopardy corner! Tom Flesher grabs Nick Soapdish by the sleeve and pulls him aside. As he asks him, “Nicky, are we wrestling one fall or best of three?”, Quiz leaps into the air and springs off the middle rope. Soapdish answers “One fall” calmly, as Quiz blindsides the Champion with an enzuigiri! Flesher nods cordially as Show recovers, throwing a right hand to explain why Strangler is suddenly stunned and staggering. He grabs Strangler by the chest, then kicks his leg out from under him and slams him to the mat with an STO! “And Strangler collects the Lovely Parting Gift!” shouts Riley as Show gets back to his feet, then tags Flesher in. He grabs Strangler by the legs and starts revolving, using the giant swing known as the Winning Spin! Show spins five, six, seven times, and on the eighth rotation, Tom Flesher leaps into the air and intercepts Strangler with a dropkick to the head! Strangler’s head nearly snaps off his body, and he collapses to the mat in a heap. Flesher cockily rolls onto him for ONE!!!!!!!! TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “He got him!” shouts Comet! “Wait, no he didn’t!” Soapdish waves the fall off, holding up two fingers and pointing at Strangler’s left shoulder, just barely off the mat. Flesher leaps to his feet, screaming “THAT WAS THREE!” Soapdish, a little intimidated, backs off, holding up two fingers. Flesher slaps his hands together three times, despite the crowd’s insistent bellow of “TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Flesher’s right! That was three!” “Nay, Citizen Riley, it was clearly only two. After all, the referee is clearly the only enforcer of justice in the ring. Besides, he has every incentive to end the match quickly, so any choice he makes to extend the match is clearly fair.” “Oh, and what’s so pressing that he needs to end the match as soon as possible, oh great one?” “He needs a pissbreak, too.” As Flesher argues with Soapdish, Strangler inches away, trying to shake off the effects of the sickening Winning Spin dropkick. Flesher, off in his own little world of screaming and arguing, doesn’t pay any attention as Strangler tags in Dace, or even when Soapdish signals a fair tag! In fact, he doesn’t even realize what happened until Dace ducks down and grabs him for an Electric Chair lift! Flesher’s eyes widen as he goes into the air, and Dace quickly sits out, slamming Flesher back-first to the mat! He hooks Flesher’s legs for the cover, but before Soapdish can even count, Quiz grabs him by the ankle again! Soapdish stands up, shouting that he won’t be fooled again. Show, meanwhile, enters the ring, followed by Va’aiga and the Strangler from the other side! “This one’s a true benchclearer!” shouts Comet. “And, like the Red Sox beating New York, this one’s going to end with Boston on top and the yanks flat on their backs!” Show makes a beeline for Strangler, grabbing him in hopes of giving him another lovely parting gift in the form of an STO! Strangler feels it coming, though, and intercepts Show with a hard elbow smash to the head that draws a cheer from the crowd (along with an honor chant of “DAN-E! *boom boom* DAN-E! *boom boom!”)! Show staggers backwards, and Strangler whips him to a corner! Meanwhile, as Dace holds Flesher tight in the pinning predicament, Quiz shoves Soapdish out of the way and nails the High Priest of Horrorcore with a dropkick to the back of the head! Dace, blindsided, lets Flesher go and slumps backwards. Va’aiga rumbles in, grabbing Quiz by the head and introducing him to the turnbuckle! Meanwhile, Show starts to rally his defense, pounding Strangler with sledgehammer-like fists! “This is turning into a quintessential debacle!” says Comet, as smoothly as it could possibly be said. “A veritable pier six brawl! A rumble in the jungle! A job for CYCLOOOOOOONE COMET!!!!!!!!!!” Comet stands up again, but Riley grabs him by the cape and yanks him back to his seat once more and growls, “You’re not getting to that urinal until the match is over, damn it!” Strangler fights back, until finally Show has no choice but to grab him by the legs and try to back body drop him over the ropes to the floor! Strangler goes for a ride, but manages to control his fall and land on his feet thanks to his enormous size! He grabs Show by the foot and pulls him out of the ring, hoping to avenge the attempted toss to the concrete! Va’aiga, meanwhile, grabs the comparatively tiny Quiz and lifts him up like a ragdoll, then slams him to the mat with a Southern Lights Bomb! Dace and Flesher, both still stunned, look on, and Soapdish makes no effort to count the illegal cover that Va’aiga makes. Soapdish shouts that Flesher and Night are the legal men, but Va’aiga doesn’t even bother listening. Instead, he lifts the bastard child of Chuck Woolery into the air for a press slam! “Could it be…?” asks Comet forebodingly. “He’s going to go for the press slam Maori Drop!” screams Riley. “This man’s an animal! He’s got no regard for the safety of others!” As Show and Strangler continue battling, Va’aiga starts to drop Quiz to the mat… but Quiz shifts his weight and instead of falling into a Maori Drop, grabs Va’aiga’s head and spins into a falling DDT! The fans boo loudly as Quiz slides out of the ring, baiting the Badass to follow him to the outside! When the monstrous Pacific Islander realizes what happened, he rumbles out of the ring, following Quiz! The smaller member of Double Jeopardy achieves simple decoy status, as the Maori Badass is content to simply pound him to a pulp on the outside! “Va’aiga doesn’t even realize he’s playing into Quiz’s plans!” says Riley. “It’s the perfect crime!” “CRIME?!!?!” “Oh, relax! It’s just an expression!” Flesher begins to stir on the inside as Show takes control on the outside. He locks Strangler into a Body Language bearhug, and the fans groan loudly. This time, though, it’s not out of boredom, but disappointment that Strangler will be occupied for even a few more seconds as Flesher finally gets to his feet. Show drives Strangler backwards into the turnbuckle, occupying him, and Quiz tries to bail for the back to escape the continuing beating at the hands of Va’aiga. Flesher grabs Dace and yanks him to his feet, crossing his arms tightly over his stomach. Quiz makes it to the back, and Va’aiga chases him back. Strangler tries to break the Body Language bearhug, but can’t get past the constant slamming into the cornerpost. Flesher tightens his grip on Dace’s arms, but Dace resists what he knows will be a dangerous pinning predicament! He wriggles and writhes, trying to get enough space to set up another granby roll. Flesher puts up a fight, but in the end, Dace rolls forward despite Flesher’s efforts to stop him! Flesher, however, stays standing behind him. “Incredible! Flesher countered Dace’s counter!” says Riley. “I tell you, he’s got one of the greatest wrestling minds we’ve ever seen!” “To the contrary, Citizen Riley. To be a true wrestling mind, one has to be able to use the opponent’s momentum against him and anticipate three moves ahead in the proverbial game of human chess. Flesher, rather than working in the classical endgames, simply reached across the board and stole a pawn!” As Dace hits the mat in a seated position, he reaches out to grab Flesher’s leg and head for a cradle. When he realizes they aren’t there, he turns to look behind him, only to be met by a Doc Marten to the face! Dace slumps forward, and Flesher kicks him derisively in the spine, just for good measure. Then, with Dace out of the loop, Flesher drops to his knees and locks on a reverse facelock. “Oh yeah!” shouts Riley. “Stretch him out, Taamo!” “Citizen Flesher, once the cake batter, now takes on the role of eggbeater,” says Comet sullenly. Flesher tightens the dragon sleeper, then steps around Dace’s back. He rotates the High Priest of Horrorcore from a seated position onto his stomach, then plants his boots on the mat. He pulls the dragon sleeper backwards, contorting Dace in directions the human body isn’t meant to bend. He tightens the back-mounted dragon sleeper, cinching the Superior Stretch Beta! The Boston Strangler sees what’s happening and turns toward the ring, but Show holds on to the bearhug! As Dace holds out, gritting his teeth, Strangler throws a stiff elbow and, through sheer will, hammers Show hard enough, enough times in succession, to finally break the hold! His chest heaving, Strangler slides into the ring, but Show grabs his ankle and holds on for dear life! Finally, Dace Night can take no more. TAP! TAP! TAP! DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!!! Immediately, “Kashmir” begins to blare over the loudspeaker, and Flesher releases the hold. Dace grabs his neck, and Show releases Strangler’s ankle. Nick Soapdish starts to raise Flesher’s hand, but Flesher slides out of the ring, sprinting away from Strangler as fast as he can. “Your winners,” says Funyon, “Celebrity Jeopardy!” The crowd boos loudly, and Riley says, “Flesher, Quiz and Show take this one home, through careful use of tag team strategy and Flesher’s superior wrestling skill!” “Or by distracting Va’aiga,” sighs Comet. “You can bet Double Jeopardy hasn’t seen the last of the Unholy Trinity.” “And the Boston Strangler hasn’t seen the last of Tom Flesher! Don’t touch that dial, we’ll be back right after this-” “Pissbreak!”

Tag Titles #1 Contendersip Match Dante Crane and Crow vs. the Unholy Trinity (Dace Night and Va'aiga) - Trinity. Crane and Crow just don't seem to be motivated right now. No-DQ Handicap Match Double Jeopardy vs. Nathaniel Kibagami - Double Jeopardy, since Silent's probably still residually hung over. ICTV Title Match Mak "The Franchise" Francis v. Jay Dawg - Francis, en route to breaking my record. The schlub. Hardcore Title Match WildChild © v. "The Sinner" John Duran - Oh, toughie. I think WC's got the edge here, but does he want it? And your Double Main Event! Losers' Bracket Final Match Special Guest Commentator: "The King of Nightmares" Michael Craven Apostle vs. "The Judge" William Hearford - Hearford. World Title "I Quit" Match "The Superior One" Tom Flesher vs. The Boston Strangler - No prediction.

Like I said, redeem yourself with a strong defense. In my mind, at least, that makes up for it and you're on solid ground. Not that my opinion counts.

Spike, I'm questionable as to what to say to you. On the one hand, winning the SJL World Title is the pinnacle of one's JL career, and deserves to be congratulated. On the other hand, you put in no effort and got lucky. I think they cancel each other out. You have a chance to redeem yourself in your first defense. Do so and shut me up.

Just for the record, King, she didn't harbor any ill will toward you. I'd been talking to her about this for a while, encouraging her and such, but in the end she just felt like she couldn't handle the writing load. Judging by our discussions, Annie would have retired, probation or not. Unless, of course, she's a pathological liar and was working me so that she could indirectly console you. Whatever. *shrug*