Zack Malibu

Caboose to Team Malibu! Caboose to Team Malibu!

Back from lunch break with my latest pick. This next pick is a veteran of TSM, and an old friend of mine. Always quick to my defense, he was willing to get blood on his hands for fights that I remained laid back about, especially when it came down to the OAOAST DRAWMUH~! that has plagued this place several times. Always willing to speak his mind, that is when he's not waking up in a strange place with a hangover or breaking into someone's house so that his family can take a leak in the morning, he's been my right hand man before, and he can be so again. Team Malibu introduces it's latest member to you all... Caboose.

Outstanding. There's nothing else that really catches my eye. Scooped it up yesterday. Already watched the first two episodes (which was actually a two hour movie pilot). I can't stand the original Face though.

You've obviously never heard of strategy, old friend. There's a method to my madness. There always is.

Team Malibu's Sixth Pick is going to be even more of a shocker than the Vitamin X incident, for obvious reasons. This person has never seen eye to eye with me, save for a few scarce occasions, but he's always quick to tell you what he thinks of you, whether it's good or bad. People think this team needs experience, so this guy's addition to the team will bring plenty of it. Ladies and gents, the sixth pick for Team Malibu is... MrZsasz.

The Team Malibu Fifth Round Selection goes to a well liked poster. Actually, a beloved poster. Actually, scratch all that...we all worship at his altar, and some of us would even be willing to bear his children if we weren't afraid they'd come out looking like some of his artwork. A Hardcore Discussion mainstay, he's known not for flaming, but for spewing out the most random shit even in the heat of battle. That said, I end my night by claiming as my team's fifth round pick, your friend and mine... Frozen Block Of Piss, now known as Que Pissa.

Yo Kotz, FS was quick with his latest pick, so I've got one more left in me. Get to pickin' so I can get to bed!

Shit, you busted out my real name. TENSION~!

X marks the spot for Malibu, as Vitamin X joins our ranks.

Team Malibu's 4th pick overall, and the last one until morning or afternoon (whichever comes first). He's an enigma, yet seemingly inspired as of late. As recently as several minutes ago, he engaged in a verbal suffle with one of the drafted members of Team Kotz. Despite his brief OAOAST history, he's someone that I've only recently begun interacting with. This person doesn't look to take shit from anyone, at the same time carving a niche here on this little message board of ours. Pick #4 is Vitamin X.

I picked Ripper at #3, while Frigid just swiped Thumbtack. Discuss.

I can do one more. I'd valiantly try to stay up longer, but in about 2 minutes my forehead is going to slam into my keyboard. After that, we'll pick it up tomorrow.

Team Malibu's #3 Pick is, much like Schwimmer to Kotz, someone who consistently brings the entertainment with all of his posts. A well-rounded package of charisma, wit, and a fondness for ghetto booty make him recognizable as one of TSM's upper echelon. Ladies and gents, Team Malibu would like to hand their jersey out to their latest addition... Ripper

My second pick ends my night. Memoirs of Chevy now bleeds for Team Malibu. As soon as I get on tomorrow, more picks will ensue. Unless Kotz and FS can hammer out their #3 picks in the next five minutes, which is about how much longer I have before the Nyquil kicks in.

Pick #2 is someone who, despite his often cynical and grumpy nature, that I get along with quite well. In fact, we see eye to eye on many things, it's just that I tend to take the laid back approach, while he's an aggressive cat. Willing to speak his mind for even the most menial of causes, this poster should prove to be an asset, or at the very least, entertaining. Pick #2 is... Memoirs of Chevy

Well, truth be told, I'm only up for another few minutes due to having to work tomorrow (Wed. is usually a day off). So maybe we do the first round picks by morning (hopefully AS gets on and sees this) and just pick up during the afternoon when we all seem to be on?

Slayer's the obvious choice. I think Frigid is now thinking "outside the box". Slayer and Agnes are two very obvious choices, but I think we'll be surprised with who he really does get in this first round.

Decisions, decisions... Well, this was a tough one. Do I go for someone who can stand toe to toe verbally with the Schwimmer's of the world? Should I take someone I can't stand just for shits and giggles? Eh, not in the first round. See, if Team Malibu is going to be successful, then there's one person who could definitely make it so. A person who has the admiration of quite a few posters here. Someone in POWER~!, just like me. Someone who, much to Anglesault's chagrin for the last two or so years, is an Edgehead. Someone who has a major advantage over 98% percent of this board simply because she's a female. One of the few people with whom you can engage in an actual worthwhile discussion with in the WWE folder, and someone who enjoys playing my foil down in the randomness that is the OAOAST. Behind every good man is a good woman, so Team Malibu's first round draft pick is none other than... CanadianChick.

We do not. We do have rhythym though, in case you finally decide you need it.

Damn, this sucks. Hopefully he rebounds from this, as I'd hate to see his star faded. He's really come into his own with this whole Jericho angle, and gotten me as into him as I'd been since the heydays of the E&C era.

"Welcome back, folks! We're glad to have you with us tonight, as..." Suddenly, Cyclone Comet's post-break greeting is cut off, as "Born In A Burial" gown is cued up, blaring through every last speaker in the arena. The aisleway looks like more of a minefield as pyrotechnics explode up the ramp and to the stage, where Jimmy "The Demon" Liston now stands! "Tonight will mark the second night in the last week that Liston has seen action in a four way." "That's odd. I didn't think he told you much about his personal life, Comet." Liston makes his way to the ring, guided by a red spotlight, then slides into the ring, raising an arm up in taunting fashion while Funyon introduces him. FUNYON Ladies and gentlemen, this next match, is a NO DISQUALIFICATION, FOUR CORNERS MATCH! The winner of this contest will then be recognized as the number one contender for the SWF Cruiserweight Title! In the ring at this time, hailing from Boston, MA, weighing in at two hundred, twenty eight pounds...JIMMY "THE DEMON" LISSSSSTONNNNN! More jeers greet Liston as he props himself on the second rope, shouting out to the crowd and proclaming himself to be "the next Cruiserweight Champion". "That's excellent motivation Jimmy, but you'll have to make it through three other men who want the same thing...including this one!" Comet's excitement comes from the sounds of "Not Today", as Hollywood Spike Jenkins steps through the curtain, his head ducked and buried under his hood. Spike stands on the ramp. as pyro erupts on both sides of him, and he starts moving around, warming himself up before heading down to the ring. FUNYON Next, he hails from Hollywood, CA, and weighs in at two hundred, twenty five pounds, he is HOLLEEEWOOOOOD SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE JENNNNKINNNNNSSS! Spike jumps up onto the apron, hopping through the ropes and spinning around, waving his arms and egging the fans on, encouraging them to cheer their heads off. Liston does not look impressed, and Spike keeps his eyes focused on "The Demon" while he disposes of his ring jacket. Spike's music is soon replaced by the sound of Spanish horns, and the crowd responds with a favorable reaction on par with Spike's, as the sound of "Tres Delinquentes" leads us to the introduction of Todd Cortez! The Urban Legend walks out onto the ramp, showing a little more personality as he works the crowd, proudly proclaming his straight edge lifestyle by crossing his arms in an "X". Cortez powerwalks to the ring, as Funyon handles his intro. FUNYON Coming down the aisle, he is one half of the two time, and reigning SWF World Tag Team Champions...from The Streets, weighing in at two hundred, twenty six pounds, the Urban Legend, TODDDDD CORRRRTEZZZZ! "Man, these fans are cheering Cortez, and that can't be good. We've got enough baby-kissers in this company." moans Riley, seemingly disgusted. "That tends to happen when you prove yourself against a guy like John Duran. That was a big win for Cortez, and he could capitalize on that momentum tonight." states Comet. Cortez stops at ringside, kissing his cross and paying homage to his deceased brother before sliding into the ring, coming up in front of Jenkins. Cortez stays silent, letting his eyes wander from Spike to Liston, and keeping his guard up, while they await the final entrant in this match. The arena goes black, and moments later the sound of screams echoes through the air, while the crowd buzzes. "Imperium" begins to play, drawing a pop from those in attendance... "HEEEEEEEEEEEAR MEEEE NOWWWWWWWWWWW" The crowd roars as a lightshow takes place in the arena, with rapid, strobing lights illuminating the arena in red. Just as soon as it starts, it ends, with a lone spotlight shining down on the ramp, highlighting the fourth contestant in this contest, standing with arms extended and head tilted back, as Funyon graces us with the final intro of the contest. FUNYON The fourth, and final entrant! Hailing from Anchorage, Alasaka, and weighing in at two hundred, thirty pounds, he is the Antichrist Superstar...CRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOW! The fans rejoice as Crow turns around, looking over to both sides of the crowd, and then striking his Zippo lighter, giving life to the cigarrette between his lips. Crow then moves forward, tossing the Zippo behind him, and feeling the heat of the rising flames that come up behind him, covering the stage! "Yeah, good job Crow. Smoke it up before you go into a match where endurance is key. Schmuck." "Riley, you realize he's going to watch this match on tape and hear that, right?" "Well...then I'll head for a tropical resort after the show. If you need me, I'll be under the name Sol Moskowitcz." Crow climbs the stairs to the ring, hesitating before entering, as the three others watch him. Crow pulls the drag from his lips, extinguishing it on the corner post, and then steps through the ropes, standing tall in the corner while his three rivals anticipate the ringing of the bell, all of them positioned in a corner. Mere moments later, the ‘DING!’ of the ring bell sounds through the arena, kicking off this contest. Each man comes out of their corner slowly, with Liston approaching Crow, while Cortez pairs off with Spike. The four men circle the ring, and Liston, who’s still eyeing the Antichrist Superstar, turns to his side and pounces on Cortez! Spike quickly runs at Crow, firing off punches and backing him into the corner, only to have Crow grab him by the neck and toss him into the corner, then rattle him with punches. Liston shoves Cortez through the ropes and out to the floor, while Crow pulls Spike out of the corner and sends him to the ropes, elevating him through the air with a back bodyrop. Liston and Cortez brawl at ringside, and when Jimmy attempt to whip Cortez into the guardrail, the Urban Legend reverses and sends The Demon crashing into the steel! Liston is dazed, and Cortez hops back up on the apron, entering the ring just as Crow is prying Spike off the mat. Instinctively, Spike pushes Crow off of him, and Cortez nails Crow with a dropkick from behind! Crow staggers forward, and Spike pops up, grabbing him by the waist and nailing an inverted atomic drop to stagger him! Spike backs up, then cracks Crow on the chin with a superkick! Crow stays on his feet, and when he turns away from Spike, he walks into another superkick, this one from Cortez! Crow goes down, and Spike quickly jumps on him, looking for the pin! ONE! TWO! TWOOOOOOOOOOO! Crow pushes Spike off him, and Cortez pulls Jenkins up, whipping him into the corner and then following up with a monkey flip, but the agile Spike lands on his feet…only to be hooked by Crow and taken over with a back suplex! Cortez then runs at Crow, somersaulting under a lariat attempt, and coming up with a dropkick that knocks Crow off his feet! Cortez backs Crow into the ropes, but Crow reverses the whip in mid-stream, sending Cortez into the ropes…and Jimmy Liston pops up from ringside with a chairshot to the back of Todd Cortez! Todd stumbles forward, walking into a DDT from Crow! A cover is made, and referee Jefferson Harding counts his shoulders down… ONE! TWO!! TWOOOOOOOOOO! Cortez gets a shoulder up! Crow pulls him up, but as he does, Liston comes back into the ring and brings the chair down across Crow’s back, sending quivers up his spine! Agitated, Crow lifts his head and turns to Liston with a vengeful glare, but as he motions for him, Liston brings the chair down over his head! “Jimmy Liston has wasted no time in taking this match to the extreme!” “Why not, Comet? There’s no-DQ, and it’s a must win situation for all these guys!” Liston turns to Spike Jenkins next, measuring him up as Spike recovers from the suplex Crow hit him with. Jenkins gets up, and as Liston brings the chair up, it’s swiped away by Cortez! Liston turns around, and Cortez PASTES him across the forehead, instantly opening up a cut! Liston falls off balance, staggering around to face Spike, who comes running at him, hooks him in a front ¾ facelock, and drills him facefirst to the canvas with The Bad Beat! Spike quickly hooks the leg, while Cortez throws the chair aside, keeping an eye on the pinfall as Harding counts. ONE! TWO!! THREE!! ************************************************ ELIMINATED: Jimmy “The Demon” Liston ************************************************ “Liston is gone already! Can you believe that!?” “Jimmy went to extremes early on, and ultimately it led to his downfall. We’re mere moments into this match, and we’ve already seen one competitor taken out!” Spike is barely able to get up, as Cortez brings his forearms down across Spike’s back, pouncing on him just after the three count on Liston was made. Cortez sends Spike into the ropes, but Jenkins holds onto the top rope, preventing himself from running into a dropkick by Todd! Cortez gets up from his crash landing, brushing himself off, but has Crow grab him from behind in a waistlock! Cortez struggles to break the grip, and finally does, using a go behind into his own rear waistlock, then shoving Crow forward, into an oncoming Spike! Their heads collide, and Spike tumbles through the middle ropes to the apron, catching himself just before he fell on the floor! Crow turns around, just as Cortez swings his leg at his chin with a spin kick…and has it caught! Crow throws the leg down, and floors Cortez with a lariat, knocking him off his feet! Crow then stands with his back to his fallen opponent, and backflips over, coming down across Todd’s ribs with a standing moonsault! He stays laid over him, giving Harding the look to come and count the fall… ONE! TWO!! THR…NO! Kickout by Cortez! Crow picks him up, then puts him right back down with a scoop slam. He runs the ropes, but just as he’s about to hit, he goes tumbling over the top rope, as Spike pulls it down while he’s getting up! Crow hits the floor, and Spike looks back to make sure he’s incapable of coming at him right now. Seeing Cortez down, Jenkins leaps from the apron onto the top rope, springboarding in with a legdrop…that misses! Cortez rolled out of the way just in time, and gets up, deliving a basement dropkick to the face of the stunned Spike! Cortez yanks him up off the mat, and puts him in a facelock, then takes him over with a snap suplex. Cortez continues working him over in the ring, while the cameras cut to the floor, where Crow is rooting around under the apron, drawing a pop from the fans as he yanks out a table! Crow looks to have finished, until something else catches his eye. He throws the apron up again, and reaches under the ring, coming up with a Singapore Cane! “Ooooh my. This is going to get ugly.” Crow holds up his weapon of choice, as the fans pop even louder than they did for the table! Crow slides into the ring, standing in one corner while over in the other, Spike Jenkins stands on the middle rope, hitting Cortez with punches to the temple. Spike brings him out of the corner, setting Cortez up in a standing leg scissors, but before he can execute anything, he feels the sting of the cane being brought across his back, as Crow whacks him from behind! Spike cringes in pain, turning away from Cortez and letting him fall to all fours. He turns to Crow, who again weilds the cane, swinging it down across Spike's forehead and knocking him silly! Crow covers Spike, keeping a grip on the cane as he does so... ONE! TWO!! THR...LEGDROP TO THE BACK OF CROW'S HEAD BY CORTEZ! "What the...why did he break it up?" "That's actually a good thing! He caught Crow off guard, when he was unable to use that cane! Nice thinking by Cortez!" Todd picks Crow up, leveling him with an inverted atomic drop, then coming off the ropes with a spinning wheel kick that knocks the Antichrist Superstar off of his feet! The cane falls out of his hand and rolls under the rope to the floor, and Cortez stays on offense, dragging Crow back up to his feet. Cortez hooks him for a Northern Lights suplex, but Crow drives his knee into Todd's gut, then sets him between his legs, lifting him up onto his shoulders for a powerbomb...NO! Cortez slides out, landing on his feet in front of Crow. He reaches out, grabbing Crow by the throat, looking for URBAN ASSAULT...but Crow elbows him in side of the face to break! Cortez turns away, rubbing his sore cheek, and is then spun around to face Crow again, getting cracked with a knife edge chop across the chest! Crow follows up with several more, the sound of each one drawing "WHOO!'s" from the capacity crowd. Cortez finds himself backed into the corner, falling victim to several more chops before Crow tugs on his arm, yanking him out of there and sending him into the opposite corner. Cortez collides hard with the tunbuckles, and can only look on, dazed, as Crow comes charging towards him...AND GETS SPEARED BY SPIKE JENKINS! "Spike's come alive!" Jenkins sits atop Crow, pummelling him with punches as the crowd roars! He gets up off of Crow, giving him the space to recover, but as he gets to his feet, Spike is right back on him, backing him into the ropes. He sends him in, and catches Crow with a huracanrana as he rebounds, sending him skidding across the canvas! Crow gets up, but Spike is ON FIRE~!, charging his fellow crowd favorite and dumping him over the top rope with a clothesline! Spike works the crowd, encouraging their rabid cheers, and doesn't see Cortez come out of the corner, cracking him in the jaw with a superkick! Cortez quickly hops up to the top rope, facing the crowd, and notices Crow getting to his feet. Rather than followup on Spike, Cortez instead leaps to the outside, sending the fans into a frenzy as he takes Crow out with a bodypress from the top rope! "Wipeout!" proclaims Bobby Riley. The ever-so-vocal fans begin to chant "CORTEZ! CORTEZ!" as Todd gets to his feet, using the apron as an assist in doing so. Todd moves in for the kill, heading for Crow, but is knocked into the guardrail, courtesy of a recovered Spike, who hits a baseball slide! Spike stays in the ring, getting to his feet and standing near the ropes, waiting on Cortez to shake off the effects of the slide. As soon as he does, Spike propels himself over the top rope, crashing down onto the Urban Legend with a pescado! Spike pops up, raising his arms and standing tall, basking in the reaction he gets from the fans. Not wanting to give his opponents much room for recovery, Spike yanks Cortez up off the floor, ramming him facefirst into the apron before shoving him back into the ring. Spike then turns to Crow, and also shoves him in under the bottom rope, taking the match back between the ropes rather than on the outside. Spike jumps up onto the apron, and then climbs the turnbuckles, crouching on the top rope as he watches his rivals. Seeing Crow wander into range, Spike stands up, preparing to dive onto him...but Crow charges the corner, knocking Spike off balance! Hollywood gets crotched on the top rope, and Crow climbs up the ropes, hooking Spike in a facelock before taking the final step up onto the third rope. Crow readies him for a superplex, but Cortez comes up under Crow, hooking his legs...AND POWERBOMBS CROW AT THE SAME TIME SPIKE JENKINS IS SUPERPLEXED FROM THE TOP ROPE! "HOLY SH*T! HOLY SH*T!" The crowd is rabid with applause, as all three men are down in the ring! "Whattamanuever that was, Bobbo!" "Cortez just got the two for one special, but it took a lot out of him as well!" Cortez slowly crawls over to Crow, draping himself across Crow's upper body and hooking his leg. ONE! TWO!! THR...KICKOUT! Crow gets a shoulder up, much to the delight of many in the crowd! Seeing Spike still laid out just a few feet away, Cortez crawls away from Crow, and this time covers Spike. Harding again makes the count... ONE! TWO!! THR..NOOOOOO! ...but Spike kicks out as well! Needing to keep the tide shifted in his favor, Cortez stands up and surveys the damage, looking on as both Spike and Crow lick their wounds and try to pull themselves up. Cortez ducks outside of the ring, taking the table that Crow had pulled out earlier and setting it up on the floor. Once that task is complete, Cortez returns to the ring, picking up the chair that he discarded earlier in the contest, and winding up, smashing it into Crow's temple as he's standing up! Crow immediately goes back down, and blood begins to trickle from his hairline down his forehead! With Crow laid out, Cortez grabs Spike and brings him over to the corner nearest to where the table is set up, and rams Spike's head into the top turnbuckle. Cortez then turns Spike around, and starts ramming his shoulder repeatedly into Spike's midsection, looking to knock what little wind Spike has left out of him! Cortez then sets him up on the top rope, and begins to follow, and everyone starts buzzing because they can see what Cortez has in mind. "Robert, you don't think he's going to, you know..." "No, not at all, Comet. He just set the table up for a post-match coffee. Of COURSE he's looking to put him through it, you knob!" Cortez climbs up the ropes, but Spike valiantly fights him off, knowing that another high impact move could seal his fate in this contest. Cortez holds him in a facelock and tries desperately to stand Spike up on the top rope, pulling his grip away from the ropes. Cortez finally manages to bring Spike to his feet on the top rope. They stand teetering on the top, but just as Spike is pulled up, he shoves Cortez off balance, causing the Urban Legend to fall down onto the top strand of rope, crotching himself! Cortez's double take is both humorous and painful to watch, as his wild eyed glare describes the pain he must be feeling right now. Spike takes a moment to shake the cobwebs loose before jumping down onto the ring apron, prying Cortez off the ropes so that both are now standing on the table. Spike quickly hooks both of Cortez's arms, locking his hands behind Todd's back as he holds him in a standing headscissors on the table. "No...is he...I mean..." stutters Comet. "Spit it out, man! You and I both know what he's going for. Better get the neck brace ready for Todd Cortez!" Spike positions Todd for THE RECKONING, but somehow, Cortez manages to backdrop his way out of it, sending Spike over his back and falling down onto the floor! Cortez has no time to recover though because as he turns to catch himself on the ropes, his face is raked with the claw of a recovered and now bloody Crow! Cortez shouts in agony as the swipe has temporarily blinded him, and Crow simply pulls him over the ropes by his neck, hurling him across the ring. Cortez stands up, his vision still blurred, and all of a sudden... CRACK~! ...his leg quivers in pain, as Crow nails him with a roundhouse kick to the thigh area. Cortez winces in pain, only to feel another... CRACK~! ...roundhouse kick, this time to the ribs! Cortez doubles over, and Crow readies himself, spinning 90 degrees on one leg while bringing the other across the side of Todd's head, nailing him with a third roundhouse kick that makes Cortez do a 180 turn and fall into the ropes! Cortez would have landed on his face had the ropes not been there, and he's immediately pulled away by Crow, who quickly pulls Cortez up by his waist, dropping him over his shoulders with a German Suplex! Crow bridges out, holding Cortez's shoulders down for the pin! ONE! TWO! THREE...NO! "Unbelievable! Todd Cortez just survived an onslaught from Crow!" "The question remains...for how long?" Crow pulls Cortez up, peppering the small cuts over his eye with his right fist, drawing more blood in an effort to decrease his visibility. Crow looks over his shoulder, seeing Spike Jenkins looking to make a move from the top rope, so he quickly whips Cortez into the corner, smashing Todd's back into the buckles and crotching Spike at the same time! Cortez collapses out of the corner, while Spike groans in pain...and Crow darts across the ring, using Cortez as a springboard to leap up onto Spike's shoulders and snap him off the ropes with a huracanrana! "Just like his namesake, Crow takes to flight!" exclaims Comet. "CROW! CROW! CROW!" The strong chant emits from the crowd,and the women especially, as Crow gets to his feet, shoving Cortez back into the corner and unloading on him with knife edge chops! Feeling that Todd's wifebeater might be serving as too much protection to the blows, Crow tears it off, and then continues with the onslaught, cracking the side of his hand across the chest skin of Cortez! Crow then pulls Cortez out of the corner, climbing up the ropes while holding onto Cortez. When Crow gets to the top rope, he reaches down and locks Todd's head under his arm in a facelock, then kicks off the ropes, swinging around in the air, driving Cortez headfirst into the canvas with a Murderous...NO! Cortez shoves Crow off of him before impact...and Spike nails a standing enzugiri to the back of Crow's head! The Antichrist Superstar stumbles forward...RIGHT INTO AN URBAN ASSAULT! Cortez falls backwards to the mat, unable to followup with a pin, as the fans gasp...then pop loudly when Spike Jenkins hooks Crow's leg and makes a cover! ONE! TWO!! THREE!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! "HE JUST KICKED OUT OF URBAN ASSAULT!" Spike is in shock, and so are the fans, although judging by their response, it's pleasant shock. Spike quickly pulls Crow up to his feet, looking for The Reckoning, but Crow simply collapses as he's being pulled up. "Looks like the bird is dead weight!" says Riley. Spike again reaches down to pick Crow up, but all he gets is a low blow for his trouble, as Crow reacts out of desperation! Spike falls to his knees, while Crow remains on all fours, the wear and tear of this match now starting to sink in. Slowly, Crow stands up, taking a deep breath before grabbing Spike by the head and hooking a facelock, however Spike quickly counters by grabbing ahold of Crow's arm and twisting it, freeing him from his grip while enabling him to gain his own! Spike then sends Crow to the ropes, but Crow stops midstream and turns around, keeping his grip on Spike's arm and pulling him into a knee to the ribs, then quickly grabbing a facelock again. Before Spike knew what hit him, Crow holds him upside down vertically for just a second or two before jumping, kicking his legs out and bringing Spike down headfirst into the canvas, making him a candidate for spinal fusion after hitting NATURAL BORN CHAOS! "Goodnight Spike Jenkins!" Crow covers, not even bothering to hook the leg, and just smirks as Harding makes the count. ONE! TWO!! THREE!!! ********************************************** ELIMINATED: Hollywood Spike Jenkins ********************************************** "We're down to the final two! Will it be the Urban Legend or the Gothic Warrior?" Crowe gets up from the pin, and Harding rolls Spike to the edge of the ring, waving on two staff members to help him to the back, since there is no way he's going to be doing it on his own. Crowe gets up and turns to Cortez, but the first thing he sees is the sight of steel being swung at his head, and sidesteps in the nick of time, as Cortez was looking to bring the steel chair down on his head! Crowe swipes up the singapore cane from earlier and swings it at Cortez, but Todd uses the steel chair as a sheild, deflecting the cane shots with it! Growing tired of the back and forth vibe, Cortez pulls the chair back and then rams it into the ribs of Crow, knocking the air out of him and causing him to drop the cane. Cortez then drops the chair, taking Crow by his jet black hair and dragging him to the ropes, tossing him through the middle and out onto the table that remains set up on the floor! Crow rolls onto his back, in perfect position for Cortez, who climbs up the turnbuckles, not taking an eye off him as the crowd murmurs in anticipation. Cortez gets to the top, but Crow wakes from the dead, sitting up and standing on the table, shaking the ropes so that Cortez falls off balance! "Damn! We've seen more crotch shots tonight than an amateur porn flick!" Crow now climbs the ropes from the outside, grabbing Cortez and trying to take him over with something, ANYTHING, knowing that a move from the top through the table will seal his fate. Crow stands up on the top rope, as does Cortez, and as the two struggle, Cortez grabs Crow by the throat, and puts another hand behind his back for support... ...AND COMES OFF THE TOP WITH AN URBAN ASSAULT DOWN THROUGH THE TABLE TO THE FLOOR! "LORD IN HEAVEN, ROBERT!" It's unanimous, as every mouth in the crowd, man, woman and child, screams "HOLY SH*T" at the top of their lungs. Both competitors are down on the floor, splinters and shrapnel surrounding their fallen bodies. Jefferson Harding can only stand and wait, much like everyone else is doing, since there's no count out in this situation! "We knew that these four guys would go to any length to win this, but Todd Cortez just damn near killed himself simply to take Crow out!" "Now we know what Van Siclen saw in this kid! He's willing to sacrifice himself for victory, and that quality is what puts the gold around your waist in this business." Riley and Comet continue to banter, keeping the home viewers entertained as the two combatants lay on the ringside floor, shaken from the fall. After what felt like an eternity, Todd Cortez starts to flinch, pulling himself out of the wreckage. The Antichrist Superstar remains as broken as the table he was put through, and Cortez yanks him up by the hair and rolls him into the ring, sliding in just after him. Cortez rolls Crow onto his back, and lays across his chest, too tired to care about hooking the leg, as Harding quickly hits the canvas... ONE! TWO!! THREE!!! "That three count was simply a formality! Todd Cortez did it!" "Of course he did it, you nincompoop, he just sent the guy through a table to concrete!" FUNYON Here is your winner, and the number one contender to the SWF Cruiserweight Title...TODDDDDDDDDDDDD CORRRRRRRRRRRTEZZZZZZZZZZZZ! Todd is helped to his feet by Harding, who raises his hand in victory. Many fans give Todd the applause he deserves for his hard fought effort, but he quickly rolls out of the ring, not taking any time to celebrate with them. Instead, Cortez retrieves his SWF Tag belt from Funyon, and turns the corner, slowly walking around ringside and up the ramp, as the energized fans lean over the railing, patting him on the arm or back to show their approval in Cortez's big win. "He may not be in the mood now, but Todd Cortez should celebrate until the night is through! Drinks are on me!" "Robert, Todd doesn't drink." "After that match, he damn well should." "Fans, we'd like you to know that the SWF only condones alcohol use when it's done by people of age. So you kids at home, don't go opening the liquor cabinet..." "Or if you do, just blame it on your friends." "For the love of...fans, we'll be back, after this. Riley, one of these days you're going to get us in..." (Commercial Break)

That too. I just gave him the first task because he enjoys talking shit. He might as well enjoy having a mouth full of it. There's a method to my madness.

It's not as funny when you're part of the problem. I should draft you just so you can be given the most horrid tasks imaginable, like cleaning a port-a-john with nothing but Febreeze and your tongue.

I say we draft without him, forcing him to fight off our forces with a cast of TSM newbs and unknowns. It's enough to drive him mad.

Already sucking up, eh Agnes?