Zack Malibu

Eh, it doesn't matter, I just figured opening with this would be similar to TNA opening with Samoa Joe vs. Jushin Liger at Bound For Glory. Just make sure to fill-in Coach's recovery from Tenay's haymaker in the following segment.

Seeing CWM with an OC parody avatar is just...odd. He's a closet fan. I know it.

According to the same Observer, The Mexicools are in line for a bigger push, so it sort of contradicts the whole "Juvi has heat with everyone" deal. Unless it's just Crazy/Psicosis getting the brunt of the push.

Sterling Tit? Well, smek me silly.

"Ladies and gentlemen...FLATBUTT!"

Continuing with Hobgoblins: "Ironically, no one in the band Wang Chung had sex that night."

And so will ZACK MALIBU~!

TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Seriously, I'm digging it though. Good work, Papadopolis.

Quality, not quantity, dude.

Yeah, so I just got power back at the office after not having it for over four hours. If you get a rushjob from me janus, now you know why.

Obviously it's not done. Once it is, Pattycakes you can edit anything you'd like. PK, look for it to be done sometime during The OC if I don't finish it here from work.

Elsewhere in the arena, far far away from the ringside area... ...OK, so we're backstage. And we're backstage with the one and only Terry Taylor, supporting cast member extraordinaire, as he stands by with one of the most exciting and despised teams in the OAOAST, namely the Global Party Exchange. TAYLOR Scotty, Johnny, coming off November Reign and that incredible first ever Iron Tag match, you guys still find yourselves lacking the gold belts that you once wore proudly, before the attitude change that... Rudely, Static swipes the mic from Taylor. STATIC Listen up Rooster, I don't wanna hear you crowin' about how me and Johnny came up short. Consdering how many times YOUR career has been through the ringer, this mic holding gig is gonna make the Terry Taylor "Best Of" comp, if anyone is ever bored enough to make one. So just stand there and look pretty for the camera, while me and Johnny do the talking. JAX See, it's real simple, Taylor. You put four of the best wrestlers in the world today in the ring together, and you're guaranteed a classic. The thing is, Taylor, we're not gonna give you, or The Usual Suspects, or the world, what they want. Everyone's watching right now expecting to see the typical heel promo. The vow of vengeance, where we claim that the Suspects will rue the day they crossed the Global Party Exchange. Well, sorry fellas, but it's not gonna happen. See, you guys did beat us, and we can admit that, however while you've got those belts around your waist, the GPX walked away with something extremely valuable to them. We walked away with a moral victory. We've now proven that no matter what you throw at us, whether it's a two out of three falls match, an Iron Tag, whatever, that we can hang. Those two matches may have not allowed us to recapture the gold we desire, but it helped us further prove our point...that The Upstarts are on the same level as the Originals that think they're so much better than us. STATIC You see, Terry, everyone thinks The Upstarts were based on faulty claims. Everyone thinks that we're just a band of egos that have molded ourselves into one giant ball of professional jealousy. The thing about the Upstarts is that we're not a label, we're a stable...a cohesive unit bent on one thing, to prove that the time of Zack Malibu, Dan Black, Tony Brannigan, and the rest of the OAOAST Originals has come and gone. Those guys, they're passe. Yesterday's news. We are today's trend, and to steal a quote from old Malibu himself, we are what's "in". We are allowing people like Jamie O'Hara the chance to hit a home run in their rookie season, rather than toil in obscurity, mired in the midcard or below. We are leaving the window open for all the new talent, and all those who see the light to join the movement. Hanging in their with The Usual Suspects helped us prove what was stated when we first bonded together...that you cannot resist our existence! As for the World Tag Team Titles, they'll... "Excuse me, Terry, but may we have a word." TAYLOR Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Why do you hate me, Jesus? Taylor and the GPX turn, as does the cameraman, to see Alix and Krista, that other famous team with three initials, standing several feet away. JAX Well look what we have here, The Bitch and The Butch. STATIC Hehe, good one Johnny J. ALIX Sigh...boys. People at home, make sure ya got your TIVO's ready because I'm about to say something really smart! You know, we haven't been back all that long, but we can't help but notice this whole war you've started. The whole Originals/Upstarts thing, ya know it just...I dunno. It's kinda um, dumb. And when you hang around Krista all the time you know a thing or two about dumb people. Million dollar body. Fifty cent brain. Anywho, I mean, isn't what you guys want to do to the Originals the same thing you're blaming them for doing? Static and Jax don't say a word, while Alix folds her arms and offers a smirk, as if she's got it all figured out. Terry Taylor cowers in fear. STATIC No, no no...let me tell you something...you two girls, the only reason you're in this tag division, in this COMPANY, is because of your whole equal opportunity belief system. The same system that we believe in. We want an equal opportunity, the chance that we haven't gotten because of people like Zack, and Tony, and... KRISTA Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd I've heard enough. Please, you're like two schoolkids desperate for attention, so you jump up onto the lunch table doing something stupid and being all "look at me, look at me!" People in this company have to earn their stardom. Alix and I did it...after all, we are former World Tag Team Champions. Alix, ever the perky one, nods her head "yes" and gets in the GPX's faces. ALIX Yeah we were, yeah we were, yeah we were! KRISTA Annnnnnnnnnnd I seem to recall us defeating one of those promising tag teams, what was there name, ooooh yes, why, it was you two! Alix, in need of a valium at this point, gets in their faces again. ALIX Yeah we did, yeah we did, yeah we did! Getting angered, Static piefaces Alix and sends her to the ground, causing Krista to come forward and bitchslap the taste out of his mouth. KRISTA You wanna put your hands on us boys, we just might be down for that. JAX Yo Scotty, I thought you said that... STATIC She's challenging us to a MATCH, dude. JAX Oh. Alix recovers and charges, but Krista turns around and holds her back, leaving little Alix to kick and scream in her arms. ALIX You wanna touch me, honey bunches of oats?! You boys better keep December 18th open, because that night you're gonna Climax...WITH US! JAX We're still talking about a match, right? ALIX Yeah. JAX Damn. STATIC Sounds good to me, sweetheart. Remind me to let you borrow my scuba gear in case you two want to go diving before the match! JOHNNY Sanp-crackle-pop! At this point Krista lets go of Alix and the COD charges, but the GPX backs off laughing when security comes to split things up. As both teams are led off camera, Terry Taylor stares at the camera in disbelief as the scene fades, while the crowd in the arena and the viewers at home soak in all the innuendo that was thrown at them during the break.

I imagine it going to the tune of "Zoot Suit Riot". Black Man Filling (filling) Drenched in a pile of goo Black Man Filling (filling) Gonna unload on you

I demand someone record "Black Man Filling" and that it be played every time Lushus makes a post.

MORTAL KOMBAT~!

You two must fight to the death over it.

Hey guys, he sent it to me, so here it is: COLE I'm pretty excited about this next match. We have a returning superstar we haven't seen for quite some time here in OAOAST. CABOOSE No way. Is that Reno Riggins?! I haven't seen that guy in years. COLE I was talking about his opponent. COACH Mr. Riggins deserves your respect. He nearly defeated Mabel who not longer after went on to win the WWF King of the Ring. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. In the ring, hailing from Nashville, Tennessee and weighing in tonight at 240 pounds: "THE REAL DEAL" RENO RIGGINS! CABOOSE He's the real deal! COACH I forgot how much I missed this guy. Who's he up against anyway? BUFFER And his opponent, making his return tonight to the OAOAST, he hails from Kyoto, Japan and weighs in at 217 pounds: FOSHI! CABOOSE and COACH Foshi?! "The Grand Design" hits as Foshi makes his way to the ring to a very nice pop and applause from the fans who know what he's faced over the past few years. Foshi, normally very determined and solemn, acknowledges the fans tonight. As he climbs in the ring, he gives a thumbs up to all sides of the arena. COLE Foshi is back and I couldn't be happier to see him. CABOOSE This guy has faced a lot of demons over the years, but he's as tough as they come and from someone who's been in that ring, I know how difficult it can be to get back in there. It's not as easy as just stepping through the ropes. COACH Well, his glorious return could be cut short if he can't take down the Real Deal. *DING DING DING* COLE And this match is under way. Foshi and Riggins lock up to start. I'd say Riggins has the experience advantage, but Foshi's a lot younger and faster. Foshi with a Japanese arm drag and another. He misses with a roundhouse kick and Riggins rolls to the outside. CABOOSE That's good strategy. Foshi started off with the advantage and this could help to erase that momentum. Riggins is a veteran. COLE Foshi follows him to the outside. Riggins catches him off guard with an elbow to the face and another. COACH Nothing more scientific than a good old fashioned elbow to the face. COLE Back in the ring now and Riggins drops an elbow on the chest. The cover...2 and...Foshi kicks out. COACH That used to be Reno's finisher back in the day so this match was a lot closer to ending than you probably realize. I don't think he got all of it, but Foshi better watch out for the elbow. (Coach's headset is muffled for a moment.) That hurt! CABOOSE I'm glad. COLE Riggins now has Foshi set up in the corner and he drives the knee to the gut. An irish whip to the far side and....Riggins misses the charge and Foshi with kicks to the gut and...a roundhouse that connects with the side of the head. CABOOSE Ouch. COLE Riggins is down, but Foshi is not going for the cover. COACH I think this is a bad move. If Foshi were smart, he'd work over the elbow to try and eliminate the effectiveness of that devestating elbow drop. COLE I don't think Foshi's worried about Reno's elbow. COACH Well, he should be. CABOOSE You should be worried about my foot in your ass. COLE Foshi now setting up Riggins and hits a springboard moonsault, but again not covering. CABOOSE I think Foshi is out here to do more than just try and win this match. COACH He should try to end it quickly because if he doesn't win, it's back to unemployment for him. COLE Foshi now rolling Riggins to the outside. He's waiting on Reno. COACH I don't see why you would give a fearsome opponent like Reno Riggins enough time to gather himself. CABOOSE I have to agree with that. COLE Reno back to his feet and Foshi....DEVESTATING spinning heel kick and Reno knocked into the ringpost from that one. Foshi now rolling him back in the ring. CABOOSE It looks like Riggins was busted open either from the kick or hitting the post. COACH Or a combination of both. COLE Foshi now setting up Riggins and...a tiger bomb, but again not going for the cover. Now he's picking up Riggins and an irish whip into the corner. Foshi with a running dropkick to the midsection, kip up, and a dropkick to the face. COACH I think Riggins has been somewhere else since that initial kick to the head. Foshi kicks about as hard as anyone I've ever seen. COLE Is that somewhere else a place where the elbow drop is a devestating finisher? COACH It's some place where Michael Cole likes women. CABOOSE (heard laughing) COLE Foshi setting up Riggins again and a tornado DDT. CABOOSE Riggins it out. COLE But Foshi still not going for the cover. Instead, he's headed to the outside and....a springboard...dropping the leg across the face of Riggins. Foshi now picks up Riggins and...BRAINBUSTER! Foshi with the cover.... CABOOSE Good night. 1...2....3! COLE This one is over emphatically. BUFFER Here is your winner: FOSHI! COACH I'm impressed. Riggins is a former NWA Tag Team champion, but there would've been a very different outcome to this match had Riggins hit his elbow drop effectively. I wouldn't be surprised to see a rematch. COLE Nevertheless, Foshi making a big statement here in his return to OAOAST with a very impressive victory. Foshi makes his way from the ring with a very determined look on his face. CABOOSE I don't know what Foshi has in mind for his return here, but it's obviously something.

Just make sure Candie's not at ringside for anything, as the pre-taped promo I wrote explains that Zack doesn't want her at ringside for fear of her safety as well as the baby's.

We then cut to the lavish stylings of the Malibu household, and it appears that the man who has been arguably the greatest star in the OAOAST since its inception, has a guest. Malibu and Candie sit on the black sofa, while the guest, sitting just across from them in a chair, is HeldDOWN's ace reporter, interviewer, and additional cast member for many a segment, JOSH MATTHEWS~! JOSH Zack, Candie, thanks for letting the OAOAST into your home, especially during the busy holiday season. MALIBU Not a problem, J. Math. CANDIE No problem at all, Josh. JOSH OK, well, there really aren't any "hard-hitting" questions today per se, but I guess the big news we've got to talk about is that Candie is now an expectant mother. CANDIE Eagerly awaiting its arrival, that's for sure! JOSH Now Zack, does this change your gameplan, your mentality when it comes to being an in-ring superstar. I mean, fatherhood is going to take a toll on you, and... MALIBU Whoa Josh, I know where you're going with this. First off, one thing will be changing, and that's that the beautiful young lady next to me won't be at ringside with me for the next nine months. There are too many risks, and too many people who have it out for me that I hate putting her in danger, but now I have an extra life to consider as well. JOSH You mentioned people that have it out for you, and I assume you mean The Upstarts contingent. MALIBU Mostly them, yes. You see, and here's the part where some people will say the "ego" is kicking in...but when you're someone of my stature, of my notoriety, you have everyone wanting a shot at you. Everyone who wants to be something wants to make their name at your expense. Combine that with the fact that Leon Rodez and I are the current reigning World Tag Team Champions, and that's two targets on my back. Combine THAT with the fact that The Upstarts, whether it's The GPX, Christian Wright, or Popick himself, and it puts the odds against you. JOSH You've never been one to worry about the odds falling out of your favor. MALIBU No, I never have. Some people call it fearlessness. Other people think I'm stupid, but you know what, I've survived. I have taken some of the most brutal beatings imaginable. I have survived the gossip and the drama and the backstage politics in this business. I'm a man whose been on both sides of the fence, both the victim and the man responsible. This business is a deadly game, and as we've proven over the last few months, you're either a follower or a leader. I think you know which one I am. JOSH Without question. Now, getting back to the original question about fatherhood, could we see Zack Malibu moving away from the ring in 2006 and becoming Mr. Mom? MALIBU (laughing) Heh, well, to an extent, Josh. I'm going to be by Candie's side. I'm going to see my child grow up right. Does this mean I'm retiring? Oh no, not a chance. And I'm sorry for those of you watching this right now, but you're not going to get rid of me that easily. I plan on being there for my family first and foremost, but I will always, ALWAYS be there for this company and its fans. JOSH Well Zack, we thank you for your time, and you Candie as well. This is Josh Matthews reporting from the Malibu "home base", and when we come back we'll bring you more LIVE action on HeldDOWN~!

All I Want For Christmas Is Blood I Saw Mommy Chopping Santa Claus Holiday Rush '05

BETHLEMAYHEM~! Note: That idea was not all of my own, but I damn near did a spit take upon hearing it.

Kwanza Krush The Chrismukkah Massacre Meltdown on 34th St. Snow Brawl Unholy Night How The SWF Stole Christmas

I have three letters to nominate: T.L.C.

Ah yes, the one with Tony Crane. They copied that plot for an episode of The New Class, Season 2. I totally agree with what was said about Screech becoming more of a parody of the character later in the New Class run. He went from somewhat annoying geek to overdone annoyance. Like he was trying too hard to get into the role instead of letting it come naturally. The final seasons of The New Class (6 and 7 together, as NBC split up the 26 eps to extend the series) get released on DVD this coming week, so that ties up the run on DVD, save for the Hawiian Style and Wedding In Las Vegas movies. California Dreams, Hang Time, etc. aren't out on DVD yet. I'd think that perhaps the same company that did College Years and New Class would release them, so we'll see.

Angry Black Crack Man!