5_moves_of_doom

The Smartmarks wrestling Federation presents... SWF SMARKDOWN, MONDAY, NOVEMBER 1ST, LIVE FROM AN UNDISCLOSED ARENA IN ONE OF THE MORE HEAVILY WOODED AREAS OF WASHINGTON!!! (5:00pm PDT, 8:00pm EDT; check local listings) Send marked matches, promos, etc. to realitycheck NOTE: All wrestlers are assumed to be recovering from hangovers after last night’s activities, so there are very few matches booked here. Everyone look at this as a chance to promo away… because, well, hey, just write. If you don’t promo, don’t expect yourself to get booked in a very good match come Ashes 2 Ashes. The PPV is the next show and so here is where everything needs to fall into place so that we can have some pretty good matches prepared for it. Opening Promo: Up for grabs, as usual. MAIN EVENT TAG TEAM EXTRAVAGANZA!!! Toxxic and Sean Davis vs Annie Eclectic and Todd Cortez If you read promos, or maybe even matches, you should be able to gather why this match is happening. At any rate, a heat is boiling here and this is the final ingredient before it blows at Ashes 2 Ashes. Should be good. Rules: Standard tag rules. Duh. Word Limit: 6000 Send To: realitycheck HARDCORE NON-TITLE MATCH Andrea Montgomery vs Carnage Before Carnage cashes in on his World Title show presumably right after the PPV, he’s got to defend his HCG Championship against *someone*. By the time this match happens, we’ll already have a #1 Contender from the match before this to face the C-Man at A2A, but this isn’t just typical warm-up. If Carnage wins here, then it’ll be him vs. ? at the PPV, but if Andrea wins, it will be Carnage vs. Andrea vs. ? for the HCG Title. So, it’s up to Carnage here… come Ashes 2 Ashes… will he be defending his belt against one, or two? Rules: Rules suck. Word Limit: 5000 Send To: Thoth HARDCORE-GAMERS TITLE SHOT FREE-FOR-ALL!!! Austin Sly vs. Christian Fury vs. Manson vs. Mike Hall vs. Danny Dagda vs. Evan Wolfe Well someone has to face Carnage at the PPV, eh? Yes, this is just filler, but whoever wins here will actually have a match set for the PPV. You can’t say that for everyone, eh? Rules: No rules. The first man to get a pin or submission on another man is the winner. Good for him. Please someone. Show. Word Limit: 5000 Send To: Suicide King

Yeah WC, we don't want you peddling your shit around here unless you get off your ass and write.

Does Ian at least like you?

I haven't really been alive long enough to name many picks... but I'll choose a few anyway, and then a few that I feel like I miss even though I wasn't necessarily around during their peak... Pavement The Ramones The Jesus and Mary Chain Joe Strummer Rage Against the Machine Tool (in album releasing form) The Spice Girls Faith No More Weezer (the old Weezer, I mean) Echo and the Bunnymen (good) REM Talking Heads

I like this new Kliq idea. UP with Zed/Thoth/Kibagami/TNT/Tom. ...And since we need a sixth semi-reject not-full-member (Justin Credible)... let's get Strangler in on this too. (ppppps what do you mean this hasn't been actual weed this whole time)

I never liked you either.

Pavement played some Peel Sessions too, I believe. The Fall hold the record for most Peel Sessions -- they've played like over 24. Wowza.

RESULTS!! (what, RESULTS!??!?!?!? TNT, who do you think you are???) ~ Annie promos like a craaaaazywomen, though I think most of this was written by Toxxic. Cheers to him then. He promos, you don’t. ~ I wrote a fabulous Maddix vs. Drazon match. It’s my first match in over a year, so please to read it to see how I’ve evolved as a writer. ~ Drea defeatz0rz Annie in the MOTN, in my opinion. I mean, not really, but still, it’s a fabulous read. Drea’s costume is adorable. ~ Jenkins beats Dagda, and retains teh belt. God I hate Jenkins. ~ TNT got this bit wrong. Davis wrote a great haiku, and Filthy wrote an excellent match that was about 900 words over the limit, so Carnage won with a respectable effort. At least three people showed... sort of. ~ Jenkins gets involved (God I hate that guy) in King vs. Cortez and King wins the match! Good match, despite the foul play. And despite the fact that I hate Jenkins. ~ Suicide King has been retired for years, and HE hypes his matches better than you do! Something whacky happened with him sending his promo though where he sent it twice and I accidentally deleted one of the copies… King, if that’s not complete or something like that, go ahead and edit it as you’d like or whatever. Good hype-up segment, either way. ~ And Zed finds Manson in chat and gets him to turn in something at the very last minute for our ME! But it’s not a haiku! In fact, there’s a very special (Silent) veteran, and he’s (Silent) back!! Who (Silent) is it, you might (Silent) ask!?!?!?!? Well, you’ll just (Silent) have to read (Silent) and find (Silent) out!!!!!! …Hrm, overall, this show was a pretty mixed bag, but mostly disappointing. The PPV is one show away and we’ve got two promos to show for it… Maddix/Drazon is a double no-show… (though I’m not upset over that, as it was expected)… and the Main Event comes *this* close to being a double no-show. Hrm. Well, the card will be going up in probably less than an hour (depends on how fast I do this science homework though)… but don’t expect much. It’ll be very barebones (three matches,) and mainly a promo show, because really, there’s a very small amount of definite matches planned for the PPV so far, and… well, I don’t know. Everyone just try to promo. Please? PLEASE!? OK, good. If anyone has any requests for a pre-PPV match, send me a PM within fifty minutes or so. Anyway, well, what’s here is good, as usual… so read away.

***BANGBANGBANG*** Pyros explode, and SWF LOCKDOWN is UNDERWAY!!!!!! Comet: "Wow, I sure do hope the Main Event tonight doesn't have to be rushed at the last second tonight due to almost becoming a double no-show!" Riley: "Me too! I also hope there are more than two promos!" Comet: "So do I! Let's watch and see!" And so, Lockdown has begun...

Back on Lockdown, we hit the Air Canada Centre once again, where we await the next match. The same goes for the live fans and the home viewing crowd, as a graphic for the Main Event pops up on screen. Of course, Cyclone Comet and Bobby Riley are there to welcome everyone back. "(Comet) Welcome back to Toronto, and if you're just joining us, you're just in time for tonight's main event! SWF World Heavyweight Champion Toxxic is in action, taking on Citizen Manson!" "(Riley) Bah! Toxxic will wipe the floor with Manson…I don't even know why creative control booked this. It's a no contest." "(Comet) Well, Robert, I've heard it was actually Toxxic's idea to make the match. At any rate, Manson took care of Spike Jenkins on Storm, so this is the logical next step as Toxxic tries to defend Revolution Zero's so-called honor." "(Riley) Logic nothing. Manson still shouldn't be within a hundred feet of Toxxic! He's just not in The Straight-Edge Sensation's league." The SmarkTron screen goes white as the opening chord of 'Rookie' by Boy Sets Fire crashes out over the arena. The screen darkens and as it hits black the familiar slogan flashes up one word at a time in jagged white letters: 'PREPARE TO BE PROVED WRONG' As the guitar riff starts the black screen shifts and becomes the top of a spiky-haired head that raises and stares out with piercing grey eyes before a lopsided grin creases the right-hand side of Toxxic's face. The bass drum starts and clips of his matches flash up - the All-Show Brawl with the Insane Luchador, the infamous Glass Jawbreaker on Aecas, dropping Nathaniel Kibagami on his head with the Caffeine Bomb and the Super Intoxxication that won him the World Title - before moving onto footage of Toxxic taking mike Van Siclen off a balcony and through a table, the devastating landing timed to coincide with the four blast of red pyro that climb the entrance ramp before the final, stagewide eruption as the main riff starts- *BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM BOOOM!!* -that signifies the arrival of the SWF's premier straight-edger! Toxxic strides through the smoke with Jet at his side and makes his way down to the ring as the fans boo the hell out of him. "(Funyon) Ladies and Gentlemen, the following is a non-title singles match and it is scheduled for one-fall! First, making his way down to the ring, being accompanied by Jet and hailing from Nottingham, UK -- Weighing in at two-hundred and eighteen pounds, and standing six feet even! He is the leader of Revolution Zero and the SWF WORLD.. HEAVYWEIGHT... CHAMPION... "The Straight-Edge Sensation”... TOXXXX-IIIIIIIIIIIC!!!!" Toxxic rolls into the ring and stands in the centre of the squared circle for a moment or two, then just a the first verse of his theme is about to begin, he throws his arms wide, palms down, and each turnbuckle explodes with more red pyro! *bap-bap* *BOOOM!* 'I never thought this could be me, I guess you never do until it's happening to you Like all the fun turns into shame And all the 'could-have-beens' rearrange...' Toxxic takes off his shirt and throws it to the outside to Jet, and settles down to wait for Manson. Toxxic heads to his corner as the house lights dim and multi-colored strobes flash, as Mastodon's 'Crusher Destroyer' blasts from the speakers! Manson emerges from the back to a big ovation and stomps straight down the ramp, focused on the ring and Toxxic. "(Funyon) And, his opponent, hailing from Denver, Colorado -- weighing in at two-hundred and thirty pounds, and standing six feet even! MMMMMAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNSOOONNN!" Manson rolls into the ring and backs into his corner, opposite of Toxxic, as Funyon escapes the ring and Matt Kivell calls for the bell… ::DING DING!:: Manson explodes forward and dashes for the Straight-Edge Sensation, but Toxxic ducks under the attempted running elbow smash and then backs off with his infuriating lopsided grin in place. Manson turns and closes in with a more measured pace this time, determined to make sure that Toxxic doesn’t pull the same trick again, as he hits Toxxic with a kick to the gut. Manson then grabs Toxxic's arm to whip him across the ring, to the announcer table-side ropes. Manson ducks low, horizontal to the mat as Toxxic springs off and leaps over him, heading toward the opposite side ropes. Manson jumps up from the mat and heads after Toxxic bouncing off the ropes, and hits him with a clothesline! "(Comet) Manson off to an early start, going on the offensive and knocking Toxxic down with a hard clothesline!" Toxxic stands up from the mat, and Manson hits him with an elbow smash to the jaw, followed by a punch to the face, causing Toxxic to flee to the upper right corner. As Manson closes in, Toxxic hits him with a boot to the gut, followed by a european uppercut, knocking Manson back a few steps, his back to Toxxic. Toxxic heads out of the corner as Manson turns back around toward Toxxic, and Toxxic hits him with another uppercut, knocking him down to a knee. Toxxic backs up a few steps and charges at Manson, jumping and extending his legs, hitting him with a dropkick to the face! "(Comet) There's a dropkick by Toxxic…" "(Riley) As if there was any doubt Toxxic would get the advantage back." Manson, rolling backward, gets to his feet, as Toxxic grabs Manson by the right wrist and wrenches his arm, twisting it over his own head. Toxxic drives an elbow into Manson's shoulder, and again for a second time, followed by a third. Toxxic releases Manson, and Manson drops to a knee, but pushes himself back up, only for Toxxic to grab the arm again. Pulling Manson toward himself, Toxxic repeatedly drives a shoulder into Manson's arm socket. Toxxic releases Manson, but not before throwing him to the far camera-side ropes. Manson springs off, and Toxxic jumps, catching him with a spinning heel kick! Toxxic goes for a cover. "(Comet) A spinning heel kick by Toxxic, following some work on the arm, taking Manson down once again." ONE! -Manson kicks out! Toxxic brings Manson up to his feet, however Manson brushes him off and hits him with a back elbow smash, knocking Toxxic back a bit. Manson follows that up by hitting him with a straight elbow to the face now, and uses the advantage to grab Toxxic by the arm. Manson whips him across the ring to the aisle-side ropes, but Toxxic stands his ground, reversing the whip on Manson. Manson puts on the brakes though, and simply jumps onto Toxxic, taking him down to the mat. Manson fires off a series of left hands to the face, pummelling Toxxic with each one, before finally backing off at the request of Kivell. "(Comet) Manson taking back control, with a Lou Thesz Press!" Toxxic stands up wearily, as Manson from a few steps away, spinning into him, smashing him in the jaw with a reverse rolling elbow! Toxxic falls to the mat and rubs his jaw, as Manson waits for him to stand back up once again. Manson hits Toxxic with another straight elbow smash, knocking him into the announcer table-side ropes. Toxxic uses the momentum of the ropes to his advantage, as he jumps directly onto Manson's shoulders. Manson catches Toxxic before he can lean back and carries him to the ropes, preparing to uncaringly dump him over with a powerbomb to the floor. As Manson releases, though, Toxxic holds on to the ropes and headscissors Manson over the top instead! Manson falls to the outside! "(Comet) Toxxic with a hurracanrana to the outside!" "(Riley) Manson was trying to throw Toxxic to the outside with a powerbomb, that madman attempting to severely injure him, and he turns it around into a positive. That's why he's our champion." Manson rolls over onto his side and up to a knee, as Toxxic takes a run for the opposite side of the ring. Bouncing off the ropes, Toxxic approaches the center of the ring, as Manson gets to his feet. Jumping over the top rope effortlessly, Toxxic takes flight, bearing down on Manson and striking with a somersault plancha! Both men go down, and it's Toxxic who gets to his feet first, and he rolls Manson inside the ring. Toxxic goes into a cover. "(Comet) Toxxic, off the somersault to the outside, covering up Manson…" ONE!! TWO!!!" -Manson gets a shoulder up at two! Toxxic pulls Manson up to his feet, but Manson rallies back with a punch to the face. Manson hits another, and another, then steps back and swings for a clothesline. However, it's ineffective as Toxxic surprises Manson by grabbing hold of the arm and forcing him down to the mat, and locking in a fujiwara armbar! "(Comet) Fujiwara armbar by Toxxic!" "(Riley) It'll only be a matter of time so long as Toxxic keeps going after the arm of Manson, which has already taken a bit of damage." Toxxic wrenches back on Manson's arm, attempting to literally pull it out of its socket, as pain etches itself across Manson's face. The Hate Machine screams as he tries to drag himself across the mat with his free arm, the crowd... "MANSON!" "MANSON!" "MANSON!" -getting behind him as he does so. Finally, Manson reaches the ropes and grabs hold, and Kivell forces Toxxic to break. Manson pulls himself up with the ropes, and Toxxic is there to give him a kick to the gut. Toxxic then grabs hold of his arm and whips him to the opposite side of the ring. Manson bounces off the ropes, as Toxxic slides into Manson, taking his legs out from under him with a soccer tackle! Manson stands up dazed and disoriented, as Toxxic places him in a headscissors and hooks his arms. Lifting Manson up and swinging him around with all his might, Toxxic drops him with the sit-out pedigree! Toxxic covers!! "(Comet) Toxxic with the Toxxic Shock Syndrome!!" "(Riley) Gotta be over now!" ONE! TWO!! THRE--NOOO! -MANSON KICKS OUT! Toxxic slaps the mat in frustration, as he lifts Manson up and grabs his arm, wrenching it behind with a hammerlock, but as Toxxic tries to ride him down to the mat, Manson prevents it, as he hits him with a pair of back elbows! Toxxic releases the hold, as Manson places his head underneath one of Toxxic's arms, and wraps his good arm around the waist. Amazingly enough, Manson is able to get him up and over with a northern lights suplex! He bridges for the pin! "(Comet) Northern lights!" ONE!! TWO!! -Toxxic kicks out! Manson stands, as does Toxxic, who tries to catch Manson off guard with a standing dropkick, but Manson sidesteps out of the way, letting Toxxic drop to the mat. Manson lets Toxxic stand, as he runs for the near camera-side ropes and bounces off. Toxxic spins around, looking for Manson, and Manson surprises him with a big Yakuza Kick!! Manson falls into another cover!! "(Comet) MANSON WITH THE YAKUZA KICK!" ONE!! TWO!! THR--NO! -Toxxic kicks out again, this time at two and a half! Manson feels it, as he pumps his arms, and the crowd responds with a big roar, as he and Toxxic exchange fists, before Manson takes control, grabbing Toxxic by the arm and whipping him to the upper right corner. Manson charges in, looking for a spear against the turnbuckle… -But Toxxic ducks out of the way, and Manson barrels shoulder first into the post! Toxxic pulls Manson out, who grabs his shoulder in pain. Toxxic wraps his arms around Manson's head and runs for the corner, pulling Manson along as he does so. He darts up the turnbuckle, going for the Intoxxication, but Manson flips Toxxic up and over, managing to throw him off. Toxxic lands on his feet behind Manson, who reaches behind and grabs Toxxic's head, and though not having full use of his right arm, yanks him down quickly with the… "(Comet) CONSEQUENCES! MANSON HITS IT!!" However, Manson lays still on the mat, trying to turn himself over, pain shooting through his shoulder as he tries to turn onto it. After a few moments, he pulls himself up with the ring ropes using his right arm and turns around, diving down onto Toxxic as Jet screams for Toxxic to kick out… ONE!!! TWO!!!! THRE--NOOOOOO!!!! Manson pounds the mat in frustration, demanding to know why the match isn't over, with Kivell insisting the two and three quarters count is correct. Manson stands from the mat to plead his case, still holding his shoulder… ...when a familiar, lilting melody suddenly rings out over the Air Canada Centre’s PA system. Shocked, Manson turns around to look at the Smarktron which, sure enough, is showing a quotation from ‘The Art of War’. “Of old the skilled first made themselves invincible to await the enemy’s vincibility. Invincibility lies in oneself. Vincibility lies in the enemy. Thus the skilled can make themselves invincible. They cannot cause the enemy’s vincibility. Thus it is said, “Victory can be known. It cannot be made.” -the Sun-Tzu, Chapter Four.” The Canadian crowd has already caught on, and the chants start to gain in volume. “SIIIIIIII-LENT...” “SIIIIIIII-LENT...” “(Comet) This is amazing, Citizens! But why in the name of Olympus is Nathaniel Kibagami coming out now, in the middle of Manson and Toxxic’s match!” “(Riley) Damn attention whore!” Manson (and Matt Kivell) stand staring out towards the entrance ramp. ‘The River Dragon Has Come’ is progressing towards the point where the distortion kicks in and the pyros go off... ...but just like the other times it has appeared, the song suddenly cuts out before that point is reached and all that is left is the massive, blood-red ankh towering over the crowd. “SIIIIIIII-LENT...” “SIIIIIIII-LENT...” Manson, bearded face set into a snarl, looks out as if challenging the Slaughterer to interrupt him further - and suddenly Toxxic cannons into the back of him, knocking the Denver native into the turnbuckles! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “(Comet) What a tragedy! Citizen Manson was so caught up in that surprising music that he momentarily forgot about Toxxic!” “(Riley) Hah! Kibagami’s ploy backfired!” Manson swings around with the intention of knocking the World Champion’s head off, but Toxxic swiftly grabs Manson’s arm and falls back to the mat, hitting a single arm takedown. With the jolt and pain in his arm, Manson kneels down, nursing his shoulder as the Straight-Edge Sensation slips out onto the ring apron. Finally getting to his feet, but his arm still bothering him, he keels over as Toxxic slingshots himself in, grabs Manson around the shoulders on the way past and takes him over with a modified Oklahoma roll! “(Riley) Radford Roll! Toxxic’s got him!” ONE!!!! TWO!!!!!!!! THREE!!!!!! ::DING DING!:: “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “(Comet) No! Is that what Toxxic calls defending his stable’s honor, stealing a win like that?” “(Funyon) Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner; TOXXXXXX-IIIIIIIIIC!” ‘Rookie’ crashes out across the Air Canada Centre as the Straight-Edge Sensation quickly rolls out of the ring while Manson looks around furiously. Toxxic gets the World Title back from Jet and the pair set off up the ramp with Revolution Zero’s pride apparently restored... but then Toxxic comes to a halt, because the Smarktron is changing again. It turns white with the blood-red ankh dead centre, before writing to match the ankh appears. ‘ON 11/1/04...” “SIIIIIIII-LENT...” ‘...THE RIVER DRAGON WILL COME...” “SIIIIIIII-LENT...” ‘...BACK’ “SIIIIIIII-LENT...” “SIIIIIIII-LENT...” “(Comet) What an amazing announcement! Citizen Kibagami will be returning on Smarkdown!” “(Riley) And Toxxic will just get rid of him again!” “(Comet) Citizens, we’re out of time! We’ll see you next time on the SWF!” Copyright 2004, Smarks Wrestling Federation

Once again we return from commercial break. However, instead of panning around to inspect signs or homing in the announce table, the screen immediately fills with a graphic very familiar to those who have seen the past few shows. In front of the Ashes 2 Ashes logo a familiar diabolical cage rotates with a familiar silhouette in each corner of the screen... The voice of Cyclone Comet sounds out over the graphic. "Ashes 2 Ashes. 'Grand Slam' Mark Stevens. The Suicide King. Hell in a Cell." Riley chimes in. "They meet one last time, in what is contractually obligated to be Stevens' last match. These two men will fight with no rules, no mercy, and no tomorrow! One last chance for each man to prove himself right, or perhaps more importantly to prove the other man WRONG. Whose legacy is greater? How best to get ahead in the wrestling business, virtue or vice? Which man is a legend, and which man is a fraud?" "These are some of the questions that may be answered that fateful evening, citizens!" Comet exclaims. "But for tonight, we continue our retrospective with the third encounter between these two men. On the heel, no pun intended, of their last encounter, the Suicide King began his quest to undo his life's work up to that point. He began to deconstruct the Midnight Carnival and his former stablemates." "And in so doing we learned what kind of man the King really was." Riley approvingly notes. "Namely, a diabolical genius. His first task after beating Stevens, and reinjuring his knee I might add, was to go after the heart and soul of the Midnight Carnival, Edwin MacPhisto. The two men fought in two epic encounters in that month. The first saw Edwin 'win' a cage match when the Suicide King tossed him bodily off the top of the structure and to the floor below! But that level of carnage was not enough for the King. The two men faced off again, this time at PPV in an I Quit match. The Suicide King showed new levels of ingenuity and sadism in that match, as he pumped his mouth full of painkillers to prevent himself from being able to form any coherent words, much less 'I quit.' It was a relatively short order from there to defeat the Crown Prince of Flash and Panache, but after winning the match the Heartbreaker struck Edwin several times in quick succession in the throat with a baseball bat. Edwin was injured to the point where he was unable to speak for over a month." Comet continues, "After that disgraceful display, King set his sights on Chris Raynor. The two men faced off more than once during that month, but it came to a head when Raynor prevented King from gaining a title shot at the Hville Thugg. King suckered Raynor into a match at PPV in which King's IGNWO membership was on the line versus Raynor's career. Sadly the last laugh was on Raynor as the IGNWO finally dissolved earlier that evening when King assaulted Magnifico with the Ace of Clubs. The match was scheduled and could not be changed, sadly... and with the help of a bribed referee, King retired Raynor in a match that showed new levels of cartoonish super-villainy on his part." "King had destroyed Stevens, MacPhisto, and Raynor in short order. He now turned his envious eyes on his most recent stablemates, the former IGNWO. The Hville Thugg had towered above the rest of the roster like a colossus after beating Magnifico, repeatedly beating back every title contender. The Suicide King cashed in a few favors on the corporate level to give himself a title shot at Thugg at Clusterfuck, and immediately began to sow the seeds of his victory by turning Thugg and his best friend X against each other. In fact, it was X's timely interference in that main event that finally gave King what he most wanted in the world... the IGNWF World Heavyweight Title." Comet's voice drops sadly. "And we saw that a champion did not have to be a man of character or the most skilled technician of his day. No, all he needed was the will to win no matter the cost in others' careers and lives." Riley speaks up. "However, that very same PPV saw a resurgence among the Carnies. 'Grand Slam' Mark Stevens competed in the second inaugural Clusterfuck, and in an epic match defeated 19 other men to guarantee himself a title shot at the next PPV! The stage was set... pupil versus teacher, traitor versus victim, and frankly, evil versus good, and this time for the World Heavyweight Championship. The match was signed, and the preparations began on both sides. But there was one little problem for Stevens... King had beaten him at every turn, inside and outside the ring, with skill and with deceit, taking away everything that Mark valued. And this time it would be for the richest prize in our business. It would take more than being a better man to win on that night." "Wouldn't it?" And fade... ------------------------------------------ A short promo for the sponsors of the Pay-Per-View rolls. When it finishes, the screen goes totally dark for a brief second... Slow music starts, Def Leppard's "Two Steps Behind". Then three words appear on the screen, white on black in a simple, basic font. Teacher and Student Grainy video of a ring in a small gym appears. Wrestlers in workout clothes surround it. Inside, a large man recognizable as Mark Stevens with short hair is teaching a young man, the soon to be Suicide King, how to take a basic back bump. When King can't keep his head up and whacks it hard against the mat, Stevens is right there to help him up, pat him on the back and have him try it again. Then the image fades to black... Mentor and Protégé Part of an old promo rolls. It shows Grand Slam sitting on a couch, the IGNJL "Anarchy Rules" (Euro) Title next to him. King is just starting to leave the room... Brian, the King of Hearts, turns to leave, but just as he is about to close the door behind him, Mark says, "One more thing Brian. You and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things and I doubt if you would ever fit into Anarchy, but if you ever need somebody to watch your back give me a holler. Remember man, just like in the old days, I don't start feuds; I finish them. And that, my friend, is a d**n promise." Mark smiles at Brian as the King of Hearts pulls the door shut behind him. Teammate and Leader The WF formation of the Midnight Carnival is shown. King, Spark and Chris Raynor welcoming the reigning ICTV champion into their ranks. Then it changes to shots of match after match from the Carnival heyday. Stables Title defenses, tag matches, and the whole gang riding on the overburdened Love Rollercoaster down to the ring. The music changes to a deep, ominous background instrumental and a scene from IGNWF Dissention PPV is played. As the Carnival hits the ring to give their leader some backup, King's face changes to a mask of hate! He sneaks up behind Grand Slam and nails him with the Joker's Wild!!! The crowd goes berserk as the IGNWO hits the ring and cleans house, accepting the Suicide King into their stable! This fades to a shot of Grand Slam locked in a nasty submission hold by the King, then a shot of Grand Slam on the mat, clutching at his damaged knee. Quick shots and snippets show of the encounters since then between King and the Carnival, with King getting the upper hand every time! That fades to two words... Clusterf*ck 2002 Quickly, the end of both the Clusterf*ck match itself is shown and the end of the World Title match. Over King's celebration, Curry is heard yelling, "So it is official, the Suicide King will meet his old teacher and friend next month at the next Pay-Per-View for the greatest prize in the business, the IGNWF World Title!!" Challenger and Champion The promo ends with a split screen shot of Grand Slam on the right and King on the left, both holding the World Title Belt from the end of the matches in which they won them. Over this image are two quick soundbites from last week: GSMS: (In a quiet, threatening voice): You stay away from me and my family or so help me King, I will snap your neck and worry about the consequences later. Are we clear? King: Oh no Mark, we haven't even finished dealing the cards yet, it's far too early to fold, and as usual I have an ace up my sleeve. No Grand Slam, this game is just beginning... and a King always beats a Jack-Ass... And on that, we cut back to live action at the arena and "Tonight I'm Burning" by Bombshell Rocks hits!! The crowd is frenzied and waving signs everywhere!! The tension and atmosphere is simply electric!! Curry: Welcome back to a sold-out Target Center!! So far, this has been a night to remember, and it can only get better from here as we are just about ready for our main event!!! NTD: This should be good Curry!! We have been waiting for months to see Grand Slam get his just desserts in the ring, one-on-one with the man he held back for so long, the Suicide King!! Curry: That is a very biased view of events!! These two were the best of friends until the King's jealousy got the better of him!! Now these bitter rivals will try and put an exclamation point on their issues and get ready for our new number one contender... Then the lights go out and Bombshell Rocks disappears... several seconds of hushed silence cause the crowd to become restless... they are clapping, talking, shouting, waving signs, waiting for what they know is about to happen... ::Crack!!!:: The crowd, simply put, explodes! The crack of a bat and the roar of the crowd announce Grand Slam!! It quickly fades into the opening bass of "Born Bad" by the Gone Jackals. The IGNTron lights up with baseball highlights mixed with big spots from Grand Slam's matches while flashing the words "Grand Slam", "The Heavy Hitter" and "Midnight Carnival". The various multicolored lights flash in time with the rhythmic bass of the song until the first guitar riff when the arena is flooded with bright white light!! Red and white pyro explodes at the top of the entrance ramp!! When the smoke clears and everyone can see again, "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens is standing underneath the IGNTron!!! The crowd erupts in even more cheers for the Heavy Hitter!!! Funyon: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now time for our MAIN EVENT!!! This match is scheduled for one fall and it is for the IGNWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE!!! Entering first, the challenger weighing in at 287 pounds and hailing from Lincoln, Nebraska, he is a member of the Midnight Carnival, "GRAND SLAM" MARK STEVENS!!!! As Funyon makes his announcement, a graphic appears of the World Title Belt superimposed over a wide shot of the arena. When that fades, we see Grand Slam run down to the ring quickly, waving at the fans the whole way!! And they are going nuts!! Tonight, as the camera zooms in, he is wearing a Minnesota Twins baseball cap!! When the crowd sees this, they cheer even louder, nearly drowning out "Born Bad"!! Grand Slam steps into the ring over the top rope and heads to a corner. Stevens climbs to the second turnbuckle, looks at the crowd, then pumps his right fist into the air several times, firing the crowd up even more and causing a flurry of flashbulbs to pop, illuminating the ring like a strobe-light!! Before dropping back to the mat, Grand Slam flings his cap out to the crowd, giving some lucky fan a unique souvenir from the IGNWF!!! He lands on the mat and takes off his suede varsity jacket, tossing it out of the ring to a tech guy. Curry: The fans love the Heavy Hitter!!! Grand Slam is the most decorated champion in the history of the WF NTD, with one World Title, two ICTV titles, three Tag Titles and a share of the Stables Title!! He has done so much in the year he has been here... NTD: He has lucked into all of that by being in the right place at the right time!! King is a better wrestler and this is his first WF title!! Curry: What's your point? NTD: I think it's obvious!! Curry: To you and some species of beavers maybe, but to the rest of us... not so much... Grand Slam is pacing around in the ring like a caged animal, stretching his legs, shoulders and neck, getting ready for the match of a lifetime!! Then the arena goes dark again as the voice of Ozzy Ozborne screams out... "ALL ABOARD!! AH HAH HAH HAH!!" The stage suddenly explodes as a wall of crimson pyro shoots skyward, deafening and blinding those closest. When the pyro finishes the wailing guitar chords of Ozzy Ozborne's "Crazy Train" pick up in volume and the Suicide King is revealed, posing cockily as the crowds pours their derision on him (and the few sparse cheers from desperate women). Smirking in disdain he makes his way down to the ring, strutting like he is the single greatest thing since sliced bread. He is wearing the huge World Title belt proudly around his waist. He points at it several times on his way down the ramp as if to reaffirm to everyone watching that he is, indeed, the World Champ! Funyon: And his opponent, he hails from Dayton, Ohio and weighs in at 224 pounds, he is the reigning IGNWF World Heavyweight Champion, THE SUICIDE KING!!!! Making his way to ringside, he jumps up to stand on the ring apron and moves provocatively between the ropes. Once inside the ring the Suicide King circles the ropes, making sure that everyone in attendance gets a good, long look at the most talented, entertaining, and handsome man in wrestling today. Grand Slam stands dead center, his eyes never leaving King. The men swear, the women squeal, and the IGNWF collects another fortune in merchandising... the Suicide King casually brushes the hair out of his eyes and turns to his unworthy opponent. The ref quickly steps between them and holds out a hand for the Title Belt. Somewhat reluctantly, King takes off the belt and hands it over to the ref who then shows it to Grand Slam, getting a curt nod in response. The ref then holds the belt up high and shows it to all sides of the packed arena, showing the world what is at stake in this match! All the time, King and Grand Slam continue to stare at each other. Curry: NTD, if looks could kill, this would be a double homicide. NTD: When you're right, you're right. There is absolutely no love lost between these two guys. Curry: And it looks as if we are about ready for the epic confrontation between former friends! The ref is signaling for the bell... ** Ding, ding, ding ** As soon as the last note of the bell hits, Grand Slam flies into action, sending a hard forearm at King that nearly decapitates him!! King staggers back under the assault as Grand Slam continues to pound away with fists and forearms!! King backs into the ropes. Grand Slam rears back and delivers a hard knife-edge chop that nearly blisters the King's chest!! The crowd lets out a huge Whoo!!! Grand Slam rears back and delivers another chop!! (Whoo!!) Another!! (Whoo!!) Stevens grabs King by the arm and whips him hard across the ring!! Bounce back, King throws up a fast clothesline to try and take the momentum back, but Grand Slam sidesteps, reaches over his shoulder, hooks King's chin and drops him with a hard falling neckbreaker!! King flops around on the mat for a few seconds as Grand Slam gets back to his feet! The Heavy Hitter pulls King to his feet and sends him hard into the corner face first!! Grand Slam follows up by whipping him across the ring and into the opposite turnbuckle!! King hits so hard he staggers backwards out of the corner!! Grand Slam smiles, grabs his arm and whips him back across the ring into the corner where this all started!!King hits back-first and hangs limply, like a scarecrow with all the straw beat out of him!! Grand Slam takes a fast step, then charges in behind King, crushing the smaller man against the turnbuckles!! Grand Slam steps back and the Suicide King staggers forward about a step-and-a-half before face planting right in the center of the ring!! The crowd is going nuts for the abuse dealt out to the World Champ!! Curry: Grand Slam is beating King from pillar to post tonight NTD!! He is in total control!! NTD: It's a ruse!! King is luring him into a false sense of security before he strikes!! Curry: Well, he had better quit luring him right shortly, or he may not have a chance to strike!! I haven't seen Grand Slam this driven since his rematch with Chris Storm for the ICTV Title!! Grand Slam pulls King to his feet with a handful of blonde hair and into a front facelock!! King puts up a struggle, but Grand Slam keeps him locked in long enough to grab a handful of tights and throw him up and over with a hard snap suplex!! King arches his back of the mat and kicks his feet, one hand on his lower back trying to rub away some of the pain!! Grand Slam rolls over on top of King, hooks the leg... Curry: First pinfall of the match!!! 1... 2... Easy kickout by the Suicide King! NTD: And an optimistic one at that! There is no way you beat the World Champ with a snap suplex! Grand Slam is firmly in control at this point, pulling the Heartbreaker to his feet and whipping him hard into the ropes!! Bounce back, Grand Slam drops his head for a back-body drop a split second to early and King takes full advantage of Grand Slam's first mistake!! He kicks the Heavy Hitter hard right in the face, then throws himself into the ropes to Grand Slam's side, bounces back, and drops his signature scissor kick across the back of Mark Stevens' skull!! The big man hits the mat hard, his right hand on the back of his neck! King wastes no time at all!! After kipping up, he pulls Grand Slam to his feet and sends him into the ropes!! Bounce back, King leaps in the air for a prime time dropkick, but Grand Slam grabs onto the top rope, halting him long before King connects!! King pushes himself back to his feet just in time for Grand Slam to scoop him off the mat and drop him right back with a monstrous sidewalk slam!!! Curry: The Heavy Hitter is on fire tonight NTD!! If he maintains this slower pace, his strength advantage will make all of the difference! NTD: Don't worry, the Gambling Man knows what pace needs to be set here! The faster this match becomes, the better for him!! Grand Slam gets to his feet, sees where King is laying, then heads to the corner and climbs to the top turnbuckle!! Facing away from the ring, he stands up straight, looks out at the crowd and points, getting a huge cheer in response!! NTD: I think it might be a little early for Grand Slam to break out the high-risk stuff, don't you? Curry: We'll see! The Heavy Hitter takes a deep breath, then launches himself head-over-heels in a gorgeous moonsault!! He comes crashing down... right onto the Suicide King's raised knees!! Grand Slam hits them hard and rolls off to the side, both arms wrapped around his stomach!! Both men lie on the mat for a long second, then King pushes himself to his feet! The crowd is booing him like he just spit on their mothers!! He pulls Grand Slam off the mat and into a front facelock!! Grand Slam reacts immediately, grabbing the arm that is around his head and twisting it as he stands up, putting King in a quick and dirty arm wrench!! King reacts by slapping his right shoulder a few times, then rolling forward once to relieve the pressure on his arm, popping back to his feet and spinning in place, wrenching Grand Slam's right arm!! Without any hesitation, King sends a straight sidekick right into Grand Slam's armpit!! The big man lets out a yell and drops to one knee! King maintains the hold on his arm, flings the same foot he just used to kick Stevens up and over, delivering a brutal axe-kick to the already-hurting right shoulder of the Heavy Hitter!! Grand Slam drops to the mat, clutching his shoulder as King lets go of his arm!! The crowd lets loose with the classic "King's an a**hole!! King's an a**hole" chant, which seems to please the Suicide King! He struts around the ring for a second, before focusing again on the slowly recovering Heavy Hitter!! Curry: King better be careful here NTD! Grand Slam is not to be taken lightly even if he is hurt! NTD: Oh shut up Curry! All I hear from you anymore is "don't take him lightly" and "he is on fire"!! I'm sick of it!! Totally, 100% sick of it!! Curry: Umm... NTD... match... Pay-Per-View... main event... NTD: The h*ll with it!! I used to be a great wrestler you c*cksmoker!! I was a godd*mn World Champion!! Now here I am, playing heel second fiddle to the worst f*cking announcer this side of Coachman!! I've got money you know, lots of it!! You know that that means motherf*cker? It means I can walk off this sh*t Curry! That's what it means... Curry: Uh-oh, I was afraid this would happen someday... Outside the ring, NTD gets to his feet, throws down his headset and starts yelling and screaming at Curry!! The crowd sees this happening and lets out an outrageously sized pop!! Curry is remarkably calm. Slowly, as to not alert the now foaming NTD, the Spicy One reaches under his desk and pulls out a small stun gun. NTD is nearly jumping up and down in outrage now, little bits of spittle flying everywhere, making a big enough scene that even the Suicide King, in the middle of his first title defense, notices!! The camera catching all of the action judiciously shoots NTD like Elvis, waist up only!! Without warning, Curry plunges the stun gun into NTD's belly and hits the button!! Immediately, NTD topples forward into his chair. Quickly, Curry replaces the headset on NTD's head and slips a small blue pill between his lips. In the next second, NTD swallows and bolts upright. NTD: What... match... uhh... King... rocks... pants... suck... system... reboot... Curry: It's OK NTD, it's all good now... In the ring, King looks at the silliness outside of the ring with a look that just screams, "Do you mind? I'm a little busy here!!" When he turns his attention back to Grand Slam, he sees the Heavy Hitter just recovering his vertical base! The Gambling Man throws himself back into the ropes, bounces off and flies, nailing Grand Slam right between the eyes with a massive dropkick!! Grand Slam staggers back into the ropes and goes up and over, landing outside the ring!! King gets to his feet and slides out of the ring next to Grand Slam!! King looks with evil intent at the nearby announcer's table!! He pulls Grand Slam off the floor and whips him hard into the ring steps!! Grand Slam's right shoulder slams right into a corner and the Heavy Hitter crumples to the ground. With a sneer, King starts to clear off the Spanish announcer's table! Curry: This can't be good!! Don't do this King!! NTD: Do it King!! Kill the Carnie!! Whoo-Hoo!! Curry: Well, at least Curry is back to normal... ::sigh:: After moving all of the monitors and microphones off the table, King turns back to continue the assault on Grand Slam, but just as he turns, the Heavy Hitter charges and nails a fast spear on King that sends both men flying into the Timekeeper's table!! Funyon and three techs dive out of the way as the two men brawl on the remains of the flimsy wooden table!! King gets control of the situation by sending a hard martial arts strike into the bruised and battered right shoulder of Mark Stevens!! The big man recoils from the blow and gives King enough breathing room to hop to his feet, grab Grand Slam by the back of the head and slam it down hard onto a steel chair!! Grand Slam drops to the ground!! King sees the ref counting in the ring and, showing the skills of a true ring veteran, rolls in and out of the ring to break the count!! NTD: King is being pretty smart by trying to keep the fight out here as long as possible!! He can't loose the belt in any way shape or form out here!! Curry: I've never said he was stupid; as a matter of fact his intelligence and ring presence are two of the most dangerous things about him!! He uses everything in and around the ring to his advantage!! King pulls Grand Slam off the floor, then rears back and strikes, killing Grand Slam with a strong chop to the chest!! (Whoo!!) The mics scattered all around the table pick up the sound of the impact and transmit it for all to hear!! NTD: Holy Cow!! Watch out in the crowd for flying nipples!!! Curry: Ick. Never say that again!! Another chop (Whoo!!) and it is obvious that Grand Slam is having a hard time catching his breath. With a wicked smile, King whips Grand Slam at the announcer's table!! Stevens hits hard, doubling over it with his upper body stretched across the table right in front of Curry and NTD!! King grabs a handful of hair and slams the bug man's head down onto the table!! He is about to continue the assault when he hears the ref again counting!! With a peeved look on his face, King grabs Grand Slam by the back of the neck and guides him over to the ring, then helps him into the ring, following right after. As Grand Slam lies on the mat and tries to catch his breath, King stands up and gets in the face of the ref, demanding to know why he was counting!! NTD: You tell him King!! Whoo!! Curry: Give the man a break NTD! Burl Debner is the second-most senior official in the IGNWF!! He knows when to apply the rules to keep control of the match!! NTD: Sticking his nose in a perfectly good beating is what I see happening... As King continues to lay into poor Burl, Grand Slam starts to push his way to his feet, using the ropes to pull himself up. King sees Stevens up out of the corner of his eye and turns to attack!! He sends a couple of closed-fist punches (for which he is duly warned) into the head of Grand Slam then whips him across the ring!! Bounce back, King tries for a clothesline, but Grand Slam ducks under, steps behind King and grabs him in a waistlock!! Before King can react, Grand Slam pulls him off his feet and sends him back, nailing a picture-perfect German Suplex!! Curry: There are not too many people in the WF with the technical ability of Grand Slam!! NTD: But he taught King everything he knew!! If anybody is equipped to meet Grand Slam hold-for-hold, it is the Gambling Man himself!! Grand Slam maintains the hold and pulls King to his feet again, looking to nail another German!! But King is ready this time. He spins hard away from the hold and gets behind Grand Slam, locking in a waistlock of his own, then using one hand to try and pull the Heavy Hitter into a reverse facelock, but Grand Slam has a second to reverse and does, reaching over his shoulder, grabbing King's head and nailing a snap mare, dropping King to the mat and immediately locking in a sleeper!! The crowd pops like overfilled bags of microwave popcorn for Grand Slam, but their good mood doesn't last long! King pushes his way to his feet and runs at the ropes!! He uses them to run up and flip over Grand Slam's head, escaping the hold and placing him behind the Heavy Hitter!! Thinking that turnabout is fair play, he locks in a fast sleeper hold himself!! Grand Slam is surprised and doesn't manages to take a deep breath before King is on him and driving him down to the mat!! Grand Slam is on his side, reaching for the ropes, which may as well be a mile away!! Slowly, Grand Slam closes his eyes and his arm falls limply to the mat!! King looks at the ref and yells for him to check!! Burl drops to one knee and grabs Grand Slam's arm, raising it in the air and letting it drop... right back to the mat!! NTD: Yes! Choke him out King!! Curry: Aren't you the one who is always saying these things are stupid? NTD: That is when they are on people I like, when they are locked onto a loser like Grand Scam, they are the greatest thing ever!!!! The ref again grabs the arm, pulls it up and lets it go. If possible, it drops to the mat even faster than before!! The crowd is solidly behind the challenger, letting loose with a "Grand Slam" chant to try and will some energy back into their hero!! It seems a lost cause as the ref goes for one more check... raises the arm, lets it drop... and it stops right above the mat!!! The crowd pops like crazy as Grand Slam starts to shake and push himself off the mat!! There's that look of bewilderment on King's face that is only found in situations like this as he watches the nearly comatose Grand Slam come back!! Once back to his feet, Grand Slam grabs his left fist with his right hand and uses the strength of both arms to drive his left elbow into King's midsection once, twice, three times, each one lifting the World Champ off the mat several inches!! Finally nearly free of the hold, Grand Slam plants his feet and sends King into the ropes!! Bounce back! Grand Slam grabs one of King's arms as he goes by and starts to lock in a Full Nelson!! Curry: Here we go!! There is a runner on first and a hard grounder was just hit to the shortstop!! NTD: What in the h*ll are you talking about?? Curry: Double Play situation!! But Curry's hopes are not to be realized, as King easily uses his momentum to spin around and hook Grand Slam up in a Half Nelson! He grabs the Heavy Hitter's left arm and pulls it across!! NTD: Yes!! It is over!! Joker's Wild!! But Grand Slam is a little too strong for King yet!! He gets his left arm free and uses it to elbow King in the face once, getting the Heartbreaker to release the hold!! Grand Slam turns around, intent on dealing punishment to King, but the Gambling Man is ready for him, snapping a fast toe kick right at Grand Slam's groin!! At the last second, Grand Slam catches the foot and breathes a sigh of relief, but King isn't done!! Faster than lightning, he flips over, sending an enzugiri right at Grand Slam's face!! Stevens ducks the kick and releases the leg, throwing King off balance enough for Grand Slam to grab an arm and whip him into the ropes!! King counters by diving forward into a handstand, bouncing off the ropes, jumping back and grabbing Grand Slam's head in a 3/4 headlock, then nailing him with a stunner!! Grand Slam drops straight back, both hands going to his head to relieve the pain a little!! NTD: What a counter!! King has gotten that handspring stunner down to an art!! Curry: And he is taking advantage of it! King hooks Grand Slam's leg, the ref drops to the mat... 1... 2... 3NO!! Kickout by Grand Slam!! King pounds the mat in frustration and holds up three fingers to the ref!! But Burl shows him two fingers, telling him it was not a three count!! Frustrated, King pulls Grand Slam off the mat and into a reverse facelock, then hits a reverse DDT right onto his knee!! Grand Slam flips over and grabs at his wounded back as King stands back up, pulling the battered Grand Slam up after him!! King whips Grand Slam into the ropes, but it is reversed! King flies like a bullet into the ropes, bounce back, Grand Slam tries to catch him for a Spinebuster, but King jumps, driving a high knee right into the Heavy Hitter's chest and staggering him!! Using his momentum, King continues past the Heavy Hitter and into the ropes, bounce back, King jumps in the air, grabs Grand Slam in a headlock and drives him into the mat with a bulldog!!! King hooks the leg again and tries to win the match!! 1... 2... 3NO!! Kickout by Grand Slam!! Again, King is livid with all of his considerable wrath directed at Burl!! This time, King pops to his feet and tries to educate the obviously deficient ref on how to count to three!! Burl is equally upset at King for questioning him!! He is right in King face screaming!! King pushes the ref back a little, losing his cool big time!! Burl, his "tired-of-taking-sh*t-o-meter" maxed out, pushes King back!! King takes a step back and looks like if he is deciding how best to destroy this striped bastard, when Grand Slam grabs him from behind!! He spins King around and blasts the air right out of his lungs with a huge chop!! (Whooo!!) He whips him into the ropes, but King reverses!! Grand Slam into the ropes, bounce back, King drops his head way too early for a back body drop, and this time it is Grand Slam who takes advantage of a mistake, hooking King in a front facelock and pounding his head into the mat with a big-time running DDT!!! King hits the mat hard and stays on his face, preventing Grand Slam from simply dropping down and making a fast pin on the stunned Heartbreaker!! Curry: And the momentum shifts again, this time away from the champion!! NTD: You had to expect this though Curry! Two competitors of this caliber fighting for so much pride and the World Title on top of it?? This is quite possibly the biggest match of their lives!! They are going to pull out all the stops!! I have to think that favors the dirtiest player in the game, the Suicide King!! Curry: You might just be right NTD!! Grand Slam peels King of the mat and pulls him into a front facelock!! King reacts fast and 0prtevents another DDT from Grand Slam by pulling his left leg out from under him!! Grand Slam lets go of the hold and hits the mat hard!! King sees an opportunity and takes it, grabbing both of Grand Slam's legs and tying them up!! He steps over, trying to lock in the Sharpshooter!! But Grand Slam gets one leg free in the process, kicking King hard in the rear end and sending him across the ring and into the ropes!! Bounce back, Grand Slam nails a drop-toe hold that sends King face first into the mat!! With years of training behind him and acting totally on instinct, Grand Slam rolls to a knee, grabs one of King's feet and locks in a fast ankle-lock!! Curry: Wow!! These two are putting on one hell of a wrestling match here!! There have been momentum shifts in this match than in a rollercoaster!! But I have to say that if this turns into a totally technical submission style match, that Grand Slam has a huge advantage over the Champ!! NTD: Well with his experience and size advantage over King, I have to agree with you! But these two know each other's styles in and out!! King will have planned for Grand Slam trying to move the match ion that direction!! As the Heavy Hitter twists ion the ankle, King gets his bearings, places both hands on the mat and pushes himself up, planting his free leg under him!! Grand Slam tries to put enough pressure on the ankle to push him back down, but King is too fast!! He spins in the air in the direction of the twist, clocking Grand Slam right upside the head with his free leg!! Grand Slam drops the hold and falls to the mat, hitting at the same time as King!! But King is the first man to his feet, bouncing up almost immediately!! Showing a little limp, the Gambling Man lives up to his name by heading to a corner and jumping to the top turnbuckle!! He stands up straight and starts motioning for Grand Slam to stand up!! The crowd is going crazy, trying to warn the challenger about the danger that is waiting for him!! But Grand Slam is oblivious, shaking his head as he slowly stands, facing the corner King is in!! With a quick jump, King lances out with a missile dropkick, headed right for the chest of Grand Slam!! At the absolute last second, Grand Slam sees him coming, grabs King's feet and slams him hard to the mat!! Without wasting a motion, Grand Slam twists King's legs around his own, steps over and falls back, locking in the dreaded figure four leglock!!! Curry: He locked it in!! NTD: He doesn't actually expect to win with this moldy oldie does he?? Good Lord, that hold has been around since I was kid!! Curry: There is a reason it is still around NTD!! It works!! King lets loose a cry of pain as Grand Slam sinks the hold in tighter and tighter!! The crowd is cheering, waiting for the Suicide King to tap!! Trying to keep a check on the pain, King falls back on his back, trying to stretch his legs as much as possible, but the ref is right there, counting the pinfall!! 1... 2... King sits back up, glaring at Burl!! King is reaching for the ropes, looking for the break but they are just too far away and Grand Slam is far to large to drag!! Resigned to his fate, King drops back to his back again... 1... 2... King lifts his right shoulder and tries to roll over onto his left side!! Grand Slam clamps down and puts the brakes on that!! Again King tries to roll over, and again Stevens stops him, but not by mush!! Finally, after a deep breath, King puts all of his weight behind it and rolls over the hold, reversing it!! Grand Slam lets out a scream of pain as his legs are slowly twisted and ripped!! In desperation, he reaches for the ropes... that are just an inch out of reach!! King is shaking his entire body, trying to snap something in Grand Slam's legs!! Grand Slam pushes himself up on his hands and pulls, inching closer, then reaching out... making the ropes!!! The ref calls for the break!! King doesn't want to release it, but Burl grabs their legs and pries them apart, releasing both men from the hold!! NTD: That was close Curry!! Either man could have submitted in that exchange!! Curry: You are dead on NTD!! This match is getting closer and closer to the edge that separates victory and defeat!! King and Grand Slam are on opposite sides of the ring, both pulling themselves up by the ropes, trying to work blood down into their abused legs!! Both men are on their feet, Grand Slam sees King across the ring and charges, letting loose a battle cry as he runs!! King drops to his back and pulls down the top rope, letting the Heavy Hitter tumble out of the ring once again!! Without missing a beat, King runs across the ring, bounces off the ropes, and runs, jumping right over the ropes and, as a thousand flashbulbs frame him in the air, nails the slowly recovering Grand Slam with a massive suicide palancha!!! Curry: My God!! Did you see that NTD!! Holy sh*t!! NTD: Well, like I said, this is about revenge, this is about pride and this is about the greatest prize in the wrestling world, the IGNWF Title!! These guys are going to leave it all in the ring tonight, no doubt about that!! King recovers first, pulling Grand Slam off the ground and delivering a series of blistering chops to the chest!! (Whoo!! after each one) Once again, King whips Grand Slam the length of the ring, crashing him into the ring steps again!! King stalks his prey like a jungle cat while the lucky fans at ringside give him a huge ration of heat!! King reaches his opponent and tries to pull him up, but Grand Slam is ready for him!! He grabs an arm and pulls him down face first into the ring steps!!! King reels back clutching at his nose!! Grand Slam gets him to his feet throws him headfirst into the ringpost!! King hangs there, all of the energy seemingly gone from his body as Grand Slam stands him up and marches him in front of the announce tables to the other end of the ring where he winds him up, let's out a loud "This is for Chris" and posts him!! King falls back sideways, landing half underneath the ring apron!! Grand Slam stands for a second accepting the cheers from the crowd and beats a fist against his chest, yelling "for the Carnival!!!!" He starts to clear off the main announcing table, dropping everything on the table to ground around it. He reaches down and pulls King up again, setting him up for another close encounter with a steel post!! Curry: Oh my!! King has been busted open by the ringpost!! NTD: But look what he has!! Yes!! But King has a baseball bat!! The Ace of Clubs!!! He shoves the thick end into Grand Slam's stomach, doubling the big man over!! He rears back, ready to crush Grand Slam's skull with his enforcer, but Burl the ref is right there in the ring!! He grabs the bat and yanks it from King's hands!! King is stunned for a second, just long enough for Grand Slam to deliver a brutal uppercut to his chin!! King staggers back into the ring apron! Grand Slam grabs an arm and whips him hard into the announcer's table!! Curry and NTD scatter as the fight gets a little too close for comfort!! King flips up onto the table!! Grand Slam follows, climbing up onto the table and pulls the stunned King into a standing head-scissors!! He starts to hook the arms, then lets out a scream and falls forward, collapsing the table underneath him and King!! NTD: What the heck just happened?? Curry: I'm not... wait... A bloody Suicide King lets the stun gun Curry used on NTD earlier drop from his hand as he crawls out from the ruins of the table and gets to his feet!! Curry: He used the stun gun!! I don't believe it!! NTD: Why the heck is there a stun gun down here Curry? Curry: Ummm... No reason... NTD (feeling the sore spot in his stomach): You and I need to have a long talk after this match Curry Man... The Gambling Man pulls a gimpy Grand Slam up and drags him to the part of the ring nearest the Spanish announcing table! He stands Grand Slam up by the table, hops up on the ring apron and jumps!! He flips over Grand Slam's head, grabbing it in a 3/4 headlock as he flies and NAILS THE ANTE-UP RIGHT THROUGH A TABLE!!!! Curry: Oh my God!! King is trying to kill Grand Slam!! This isn't right!! Stop the match!! NTD: I told you they would be like this!! Look at the destruction around us!! As the crowd picks up a "Holy Sh*t chant", a wounded King pulls Grand Slam up from the wreckage and rolls him into the ring. He follows slowly, the massive table spot obviously taking a lot out of him as well!! Finally, he makes it into the ring, hooks the leg... 1... 2... 3..NO!!! Grand Slam kicks out!!! King is livid, looking at the rafters like, "What do I have to do to beat him?" Without waiting too long, he pushes Grand Slam back down and hooks the leg... 1... 2... 3Kickout by Grand Slam!! Now King is on fire!! He stands up in front of Burl, right in his face screaming!! Grand Slam is dragging himself to his feet behind the King to a huge pop from the capacity crowd!! King hears it, and with a sly grin, continues to berate Burl!! Grand Slam throws himself back into the ropes, charges across the ring and throws up a big boot! But King grabs Burl by the arms and spins around, placing the ref in front of him!! Grand Slam nearly decapitated Burl, who drops to the mat instantly!! With a concerned look, Grand Slam looks to the ref immediately and starts waving for medical help!! King takes the opportunity to gather his senses, wipe the blood out of his eyes and sneak up behind his former teacher!! He hooks the Half-Nelson, sweeps the leg, WHAM!! NTD: Joker's Wild!! Joker's Wild!! Curry: But there is no ref!! They are carrying Burl out on a stretcher!!! King waits for a second before making the cover, looking to the entrance ramp, waiting for something... Another ref comes charging down the ramp!! The crowd starts to cheer a little until they see his face on the IGNTron!! Curry: It can't be... that's... that's Eddy Long!! That's the ref King bribed to help him end Chris Raynor's career!! I thought he was fired!! NTD: Nope!! Only suspended!! And with the huge distractions that Stubby has had to deal with, is it any wonder that his re-instatement automatically went through? Curry: NO!!! This isn't right!!! Eddy slides into the ring and makes a fast count... 123NO!!!! Grand Slam kicks out at the very last second!!! Curry: That was closer than close NTD!! King looks at Eddy who shrugs, not willing to totally cheat and call it a three count!! With a determined look King pulls Grand Slam off the mat, and sets him up for another Joker's Wild!! But Grand Slam is not easily fooled twice!! He immediately spins around and locks in a Full Nelson!! He pulls King off the mat and sits out, crushing the Gambling Man's tailbone!! Curry: He's going for it... NTD: Crap!!! Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap... Grand Slam maintains the hold, pulls King up and throws him down face first, nailing a powerful Grand Slam and turning the Double Play!!! He flips King over, hooks the leg... 1... ... ... ... ... Curry: This is the slowest count I have ever seen!!! 2... ... ... .. Kickout by King! Grand Slam is back on his feet in an instant looking for the ref with the slow count!! As King writhes on the mat and tries to get his wind back, Grand Slam sees Eddy trying to step out of the ring, and he recognizes him!!! Pure animal hatred washes over Grand Slam as he grabs the crooked ref by the front of his shirt and lfts him off the mat!! The crowd is going insane, beside themselves with joy over Eddy finally getting his!! Grand Slam starts letting Eddy have it verbally as the poor man cringes!! King, finally back on board mentally, rolls out of the ring shaking his head and muttering something like, "I'll be d*mned if I am losing my title to this jackal..." In the ring, Grand Slam picks Eddy up and slams him down with a classic powerslam!! Not finished with the man who cost his good friend his career, he peels Eddy off the mat and into a standing head-scissors, then pulls him up to his shoulders!! He puts both hands on Eddy's chest and powerbombs him right into oblivion!! The crowd explodes with cheers for a split second before King attacks Grand Slam from behind with a steel chair!! He cracks it right across Stevens' spine, dropping the big man to his knees!! NTD: Grand Slam is wasting energy on the ref and her forgot about King!! Curry: Yeah, but that guy deserves everything he gets!! King steps back and yells for Eddy to get back up!! The crooked ref is crawling towards King. King winds up and waits for Grand Slam to get back to his feet! As the crowd boos their fool heads off, King rears back and breaks the steel chair over Grand Slam's head!!! The Heavy Hitter drops back to the mat face first, both hands on his head!! King triumphantly throws the chair out of the ring and flips Grand Slam over!! NTD: That was a chair shot to be remembered Curry!! Curry: That was vicious, and Grand Slam is busted open as well!! There is blood everyewhere!! King drops to the mat and hooks the leg... 12NO!!! Somebody pulled Eddy out of the ring!! NTD: Now what?? Curry: It's Rotten!! It's the Co-Commissioner!!! Yes!! Eddy hits the floor and looks up at Rotten! Johnny Rotten pulls Eddy up, grabs a hold of his black and white striped shirt and pulls, ripping it right off him!! He then lets out a huge "You're Fired!!!" and the crowd goes funky-monkey-chocolate-chip-in-banana-sauce-bleeding-out-the-ears-insane!!! The roof is about to come off as King glares down at Rotten!!! The co-commish and the World Champ exchange a few words, then Rotten smiles!! King looks suspicious, then the crowd lets out another huge roar!! Grand Slam is on his feet!! He grabs King by the arm and whips him across the ring!! Bounce back, Stevens kicks him hard in the stomach, doubling the Champ over!! He pulls King into a standing head-scissors, hooks the arms, jumps in the air... WHAM!!!!! Curry: Walk-Off!!! Walk-Off!!! Walk-Off!!! NTD: But there is no ref!!! Grand Slam flips the Gambling Man over, hooks the leg... JOHNNY ROTTEN DIVES INTO THE RING AND MAKES THE COUNT!!!!! 1... 2... 3!!!!!!!!!!!! Pandemonium erupts in the Target Center as "Born Bad" hits the PA system!!!! Rotten stands up next to a wobbly Grand Slam and raises his arm high in the air!! Curry: New Champ!!! New Champ!!! Funyon climbs into the ring, handing the huge gold belt to Rotten as he raises the mic to his lips... Funyon: Ladies and Gentlemen, you winner... AND NEW IGNWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... "GRAND SLAM" MARK STEVENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! King starts to wake up as the announcement is made. He hears the cheers, he sees the belt being handed to Grand Slam, and he sees Rotten raising his enemy's hand in victory... and he snaps!! He charges right into Grand Slam and tackles him, landing blow after bloody blow right to the wound on Grand Slam's forehead!! Rotten and Funyon pull the insane ex-champion off a battered Grand Slam and shove him out of the ring!! Grand Slam is left lying in the center of the ring, blood steaming down his face and the World Title Belt draped across his chest. Curry: We have a new champion!! Grand Slam avenges the Carnival against the Suicide King by taking the World Title away from him!!! NTD: But at what price Curry? Look at Grand Slam and tell me he looks like a winner in there!! Curry: You have a point NTD, and look at King!! I may not know much, but I can tell you that this is far from over!!! But for tonight, it is!!! We are out of time!! Thank you for joining us tonight, and don't miss IGNWF Storm later this week as I am sure there will be repercussions galore from this match and all of the others tonight! NTD: You can bet on that... Curry: So for NTD and all of the rest of us here at the IGNWF, this is Curry Man saying goodnight!!! The last shot is of the Suicide King, an insane look in his eyes as he looks back at the ring. Blood is running down his face and matting his blonde hair, but he is smiling, a nasty, devious, evil smile...

"Welcome back to Storm everyone. Cyclone Comet here with Bob Riley, from the lovely Air Canada Centre, and we're ready to go with more great action, as the USJL Champion Todd Cortez takes on the ICTV Champion Max King!" "Hey, stop sucking up to Canada, Comet. I heard you talking about these people earlier before the show. Calling them moose hu..." "That was YOU that called them that, Riley!" Comet quickly protests. "...oh yeah, you're right, that WAS me." Riley says proudly. "Breathe" by Fabulous starts up over the speakers now, and the crowd gets up the cheers, showing their respect for the new USJL Champion. The music's first verse begins, and the pyro goes off...the new champion stepping out with title around his waist. Funyon: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Hollywood Boulevard, standing 6 feet tall and weighing in at 226 pounds...he is the SWF United States Junior League Champion..."THE URBAN LEGEND"...TODD...CORTEZ! "How can these dumb Canuks be so supportive of someone like Cortez?" Riley quickly questions after Funyon is done his announcement. "He took a title that was proudly representing their country and changed the name back to another country." "Because Cortez is someone that can be sympathized with, and he's already showing he's more than ready to show his skills without his retired tag team partner." Comet notes. "And I'm sure that Van Siclen is cheering Cortez on in this contest." "He better have all of the support that he can. Remember what happened the LAST time King and Cortez had a match, Comet." Riley quickly reminds as Cortez goes to get into the ring. "Yeah, Kelly got involved in the match and..." Riley covers Comet's mouth before he can finish. "You and your conspiracy theories. Max King made Cortez submit, that's what happened." In the ring, Cortez holds his USJL Championship belt up high, still getting a good reception from the crowd. After his music dies down, he waits patiently in the ring for his opponent. ...instead of what he expected for a theme, however, a song that people thought they'd never hear in SWF cues up. That song...is Derringer's "Real American". ...yes, THAT song. From the entry ramp, Max King and Kelly walk out...dressed differently than normal. King is wearing short tights with a triangle shaped design in the center, holding a blue border and white stars...and red and white stripes on the sides, with matching kneepads and boots. Kelly is wearing a blue top with white stars, and a skirt with diagonal alternating red and white stripes. Kelly is holding up an American flag as she leads King to the ring, and both have their respective title belts around their waists. Funyon: And his opponent, being accompanied to the ring by the SWF Women's Champion Kelly Connelly, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania...standing 6'3" tall and weighing in at 250 pounds...he is the SWF Intercontinental Television Champion..."THE ICON"...MAX...KING! "Now what in the heck is this all about?" Comet asks, as King proudly enters the ring with Kelly, the two of them showing off Old Glory. "I've never known King to do something like this..." "That's because he's showing support for a REAL country. Not this backwater, reverse redneck area that we're doing the show in." Riley says. "Besides, this music fits him. I'm almost tempted to ask him to use this for good." "Oh yeah, that will get a REAL good reaction from the people." Comet notes. "Next you're going to suggest he wear red and yellow and dye his skin orange." "...now that's just going a bit too far." Riley notes, as King waves Old Glory in the middle of the ring...to an enormous eruption of jeers from the crowd. After flaunting his patriotic tendancies for this evening, King hands over his title belt to the referee, waiting for the bell to ring. *Ding, ding, ding* King walks to the middle of the ring, Cortez apparently waiting to slug King's head off. However, he seems a bit surprised when King extends his hand, apparently to show a sign of good faith to start off the match. Cortez looks out to the crowd, seeing their reaction being negative to a handshake to start the match. This reaction from the crowd makes the decision for Cortez, as he grabs King's hand and kicks him hard into the arm! Going from there, he moves to wrench King's arm, locking a standing armbar on the ICTV Champion. "Oh great, you see this is why someone like Cortez should not be a champion in this company. He's no real American like King is." Riley notes. "He's not taking a chance. He knows the regular style of someone like Max King." Comet concludes. King's arm continues to be torqued by Cortez in the middle of the ring, the former Longest EVER Tag Team Champion bending and twisting the arm as hard as he can. King starts to show that not all of what he is in the ring is talk though, grabbing Cortez's arm in retaliation and twisting it himself, taking the Urban Legend to the mat and going to put his knee into Cortez's elbow. Cortez uses his comparatively smaller body size to slip out of the hold that he's put in, rolling with it out and managing to get back to his feet, attempting to reverse King's armbar...but "The Icon" manages to pull his arm away before Cortez can do anything with it, and slides out of the ring to talk to Kelly. "That's the way King, talk strategy with your partner an Women's Champion out there. It's the right thing to do, if you ask me." Riley says. "It's a cowardly thing to do...he should have just stayed in the ring and fought it out." Comet protests. "I mean, he IS the ICTV Champion, after all." "And he didn't get that belt by being stupid out there in the ring, Comet." Cortez can only take so much of Max King waiting on the outside of the ring, and reaches out to pull King back into the ring by his hair. When Cortez's hand gets to close, however, King grabs his fingers and wishbones them somewhat, apparently trying to break the fingers of Cortez for trying something like that. Naturally, the crowd absolutely berates King for doing that, chanting the ever famous now "MAX KING SUCKS!" chant in the ICTV Champ's direction. "I can't believe King would do something like that. And he calls himself a real American?" Comet states in disbelief "Hey, this is a wrestling match, remember? To get a win, you have to cause some pain against the person." With Cortez holding his nearly snapped apart fingers, King slides back into the ring, all smiles and mocking the pain of Cortez behind his back, before rushing in and blasting him with a clothesline that takes the Urban Legend down hard onto his face. Thinking that's all it's going to take, King rolls Cortez onto his back, holding onto a leg to try to get the pin victory. One! TWO! King is apparently leaning over too much though, and when Cortez is aware of this fact, he takes advantage rather quickly, grabbing the back of King's head, and rolling him over, cradling him up for the pin in the middle of the ring! One! TWO! King manages to kick out before the count reaches three though, getting back up to his feet rather quickly and kicking Cortez in the ribs before he can get back up to a vertical position. Deciding that the only way to get Cortez out of the match is to hurt his body enough for a possible submission, King quickly sits down on the back of Cortez, pulling him back by the chin and stretching him backwards. "A modified version of the Camel Clutch, a classic submission move, being applied onto Todd Cortez in the middle of the ring now by Max King." Comet says. "This is a very smart move, as the Compressor that King has put people out with before is a good submission hold on the back." "Well, it's about DAMN time you sang the praises of Max King!" Riley states. "Every time I hear you talk about King, it's usually something to down-play his natural talent." "...I've never downplayed his talent, Riley. I downplay his character...or lack thereof." King continues to press away into the back of Todd Cortez, stretching the back as far back as he can to try and break the back of Cortez. However, there's no sign in the Urban Legend's eyes of giving up...in fact, there's a fire in his eyes as he claws with all of his might towards the ring ropes, hoping to break out of the hold by grabbing them and forcing the referee to get King to break it. King senses this coming, trying to pull Cortez back to the center of the ring, however he goes off-balance when Cortez pushes off with his hands, sending the Icon onto his back and allowing the USJL Champion to get free. Cortez turns around rather quickly, seeing that King is about to nail him in the face with a hard kick he acts, ducking out of the way, and once King is past him, grabs King by the ankle and pulls, causing the ICTV Champion to fall flat on his face! King quickly comes back to his feet, and Cortez is waiting, draping an arm across King’s shoulders and snapping him to the canvas with a Russian legsweep! Cortez then comes off the ropes, springing up in the air and crashing back down to the canvas with a legdrop across King’s throat! King rolls onto his stomach and kicks his legs as he clutches his throat, then finds himself led up to his feet and placed in a front facelock. Cortez raises an arm up, saluting the crowd before trying for a DDT…but King shoves him away and then drops and rolls to the outside, where he’s consoled by his galpal Kelly. “Come on now, enough already. Max King isn’t showing the mark of a true champion here tonight!” “First off, Mr. Analyst, it’s non-title for both these guys. Second, he’s EXEMPLIFYING what a true champion would do. Stop a challenger’s momentum in any way shape or form, regroup, and win.” “You call it strategy, I call it cowardice.” “That’s why I have more friends than you do.” The crowd let’s King have it, and he simply turns away from his embrace with Kelly to remark “I don’t care what you think, you’re Canadian!”, which only draws more hatred from the crowd! It also takes King off his game, as with his back turned, he doesn’t see Todd Cortez race to the ropes and slide under the bottom rope, kicking King into the guardrail with a baseball slide! Kelly jumps back in fright, as Cortez comes out of the ring to retrieve his foe, picking him up and then giving him a front row seat, although not in a chair, but by crotching him on the guardrail! “That’s just not right!” “Feels right to me, Robert.” King’s jawdropping reaction draws another pop from the crowd, and a slight “Cortez” chant goes up, as Kelly stays away from the action, looking on horror as Cortez runs at King and leaps up, cracking an extended arm across his chest and clotheslining him off his perch and to the floor! Cortez turns to the crowd and throws his hands up, then slaps the hands of several ecstatic fans! King tries crawling away from Cortez, but the Urban Legend grabs him by the waistband of his tights and pulls him up, shoving him forward so that King runs right into the post! Max luckily (for him, at least) puts his hands up to block the impact at the last second, and turns around…right into a right hand that puts him back on the floor! Cortez pulls King up AGAIN, and this time tosses him back into the ring, breaking the ten count so that this match can continue. King rolls onto his back, leaving him prone for Cortez to slingshot in with a senton, dropping his weight down across King’s chest. The ever-agile Cortez rolls through with the move, using the momentum to run the ropes and come back to where Cortez lay, then jump up and flip in mid-air, crashing back first down across the sternum of King once again! “Senton double shot by Todd Cortez!” Cortez rolls over and quickly hooks a leg, waiting for referee Brian Hebner to make the count. ONE! TWO! T-KICKOUT! Kelly and Robert Riley each breathe a sigh of relief, as Max King rolls a shoulder before he’s pinned! Cortez maintains control, snapmaring King over and hitting the ropes, however King is able to counter Todd’s charge by rolling onto his stomach, forcing him to hop over his body. Cortez heads for the far ropes, and by this time King is up to his feet, catching Todd up under his right arm and planting him with a side…NO! Cortez floats over, landing on his feet, and spins Max around, then drops him with a gutwrench suplex! Cortez wraps his arm up around King’s as soon as he drops him, then swings his legs over to lock around the other arm, and pulls him down onto his shoulders with a flash crucifix! “This could do it!” ONE! TWO! NO! “Thankfully not, Comet.” King is able to escape, and as Cortez makes a move for him, he drives his head up into Todd’s midsection, striking him low with a headbutt. Hebner warns King, although it falls on deaf ears as Max gets up and slaps Cortez across the face! Todd backs away, holding his cheek, and Max forces him into the corner, trapping him there and grabbing him by the jaw, getting in his face and talking trash. Cortez stares right back into King’s eyes, showing no fear towards the ICTV Champion, but soon finds himself being pummeled by King, as the brash, arrogant upstart kicks away at the ribs of Cortez. King then switches gears, driving his shoulder into Todd’s ribs several times before pulling him away from the corner and carrying him over with a Northern Lights Suplex and bridging for the pin! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Cortez not only kicks out, but forces himself up while King still has him hooked, getting up to his feet and then spinning around so that he’s got King keeled over in front of him, but before he can act, King pulls his legs out from under him and plants a boot between his legs, taking Todd off his game and riling up the Canadian crowd! “Cheap move to go along with the cheap heat that King decided to garner himself tonight.” King walks around the ring, wiping the sweat off his brow and shooting a smile towards Kelly, who returns the favor to her charge. King turns and sees Cortez pushing himself up off the canvas, and delivers a running kneelift, knocking the Urban Legend back over! With Cortez downed near the ropes, King grabs ahold of the top rope and then steps down onto Todd’s throat, choking him out with his boot! The crowd let’s King have it, and Hebner rushes over and starts orders a break, giving King until the count of five. King uses up every last millisecond before removing his boot from blocking Todd’s air supply, and he backs Hebner away before turning back to Todd and putting the boots to him. King then grabs Cortez by the wrist, jerking him off the mat and up to his feet, then sends him hard into the corner. Cortez collides with the turnbuckle and slouches down, only to be nailed by King, who storms in with a running clothesline! Cortez falls forward, but is caught and lifted up by King, who plants him up on the top rope. “The Icon” climbs up, looking out to the crowd that hates him so before draping Cortez’s arm over his shoulder and hooking his head, taking him off the top with a SuperbPlex! King lands with the cover on Cortez, and hooks the leg… ONE! TWO! TH-NO! …but it’s another kickout, and another pop for the Urban Legend! “C’mon Hebner, get moving in there!” Kelly slams her hands on the apron, apparently feeling the same way that Robert Riley does and berating Hebner for what they both felt was a slow count. King stands up, but then drops a knee onto Cortez’ forehead before sitting him up and hitting the ropes, gaining some momentum before he delivers a snap kick to the back of Todd Cortez! CRACK! Cortez cringes in pain, while King starts slapping at the top of his head, then backs up and delivers another solid hit to Todd’s spine! CRACK! The Urban Legend grits his teeth and clenches his fists, trying to absorb as much pain as he can. King pulls him up and hammers on his neck and back with repeated forearms and elbow shots, then quickly applies an inverted front facelock, the set up for either the King Buster or The Compressor! “King’s looking for the big finish here!” King struggles to lift Cortez, but the Urban Legend is mostly dead weight, and isn’t going up so easily for the ICTV Champion. King tries his hardest, but Cortez reaches up and grabs his arm, slowly prying it away before quickly spinning out, and dropping King with an inverted atomic drop! “YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAH!” The crowd roars as King is stunned, and Cortez falls backwards, only to push himself up and jump into the air, swinging his leg around to kick Max King square in the back of the head! King stumbles forward, still on his feet…then collapses, with the delayed reaction getting a big reaction from the Canadians! Cortez stands up, his wifebeater soaking with sweat, and hovers over King, pulling him further away from the ropes, and then leaning in, setting up The Hook Up! “THIS could be the big finish, Mr. Riley!” “WELL, Mr. Comet, I think we have differing opinions on this!” Cortez drags King into center ring, and kneels down, ready to apply the hold…until Kelly hops up on the apron, pointing and cursing at Todd Cortez! Todd, too smart for the distraction, continues to set up his patented submission, pressing both knees into King’s shoulderblades…until Connelly starts coming into the ring! “What in the world does she thinks she’s doing?” “Her job, genius.” Hebner rushes over and ushers Kelly out, but she stays on the apron and questions his authority over the contest. Cortez stops what he’s doing and stands over King…then suddenly barges for the ropes, running into them and causing it to knock Kelly off balance, sending her to the floor! “HAHA! Well, that ought to set our Women’s Champion straight.” The fans roar, and Hebner has no clue what to do, while Cortez just shrugs his shoulders to the crowd, who applaud the move. “These damn Canucks, so bloodthirsty that they want him to beat on a poor woman like Kelly!” “Beat? He didn’t touch her!” “Yeah…YET!” Cortez turns to King, who is crawling on the mat, and lunges up for a low blow…only to have his arm caught by Todd! Cortez yanks him up to a standing position, and quickly grabs him by the throat…URBAN ASSAULT ON MAX KING! “We haven’t seen that one used in a while!” Cortez covers immediately, and Hebner falls to the canvas, his arm coming down with the count. ONE! TWO! TH-KELLY PULLS HEBNER BY THE LEG TO BREAK THE COUNT! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Brian Hebner questions just what in the hell Kelly is thinking, but Kelly continues to complain about being knocked off the apron! Hebner tries to get back in the ring, but Kelly pulls him off the apron, getting in his face about Cortez’s earlier “infraction”. A buzz comes over the crowd, as Cortez gets up from his almost-pin in the ring…AND GETS NAILED WITH A BAD BEAT!? SPIKE JENKINS COMES THROUGH THE CROWD AND TAKES THE URBAN LEGEND OUT!! “What the…what is he doing here! He has nothing at stake in this match!” “Face facts, Comet…Spike Jenkins is better than Todd Cortez, and the only one who can’t see it is Cortez himself. Maybe now, this will prove him wrong.” Jenkins ducks out of the ring and ducks down low and out of sight, the damage done. King rolls an arm over Cortez, and Kelly lets Hebner go, allowing him to come in for the count. ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! “Highway robbery!” “Oh c’mon now Comet…if Cortez pulled off a coup like that, you’d have called it “street strategy” or some other lameass name.” “Real American” plays for the second time tonight (and perhaps the second time ever in SWF history), as Kelly helps Max to his feet, raising his arm in triumph. As the happy couple celebrate, Jenkins enters the ring once again and starts stomping Cortez’s fallen body! “Get him out of here, he’s done enough!” Jenkins backs away, his eyes burning with rage, and then he ducks out through the ropes. Funyon stands up to make the official ruling of this contest… “Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, “The Icon”, MAAAAAA- …but has the mic swiped away by Jenkins! “Sit down, snack chip. I need this.” Jenkins delivers a light shove to Funyon before stepping back into the ring and standing over Cortez. “Todd? Hey, Todd…hey man, I told you, but you didn’t wanna listen. You thought it was over after that tag match we had? Hell no. I told you Cortez, I told you that you could be with us, but you’re too damn proud…too loyal to the wrong people around here. If you’re blood isn’t Revolution, then it gets spilled, and that’s just the way it’s got to be.” Jenkins drops the mic, a chorus of boos following his little speech. He again ducks out of the ring, and this time he walks over to the guardrail and shoves a rather hefty fan aside, swiping the mans chair and sliding it into the ring! Todd Cortez is just about to push himself up onto all fours, but Jenkins takes the chair and brings it up over his head, then sends it down across the Urban Legend’s back! “Is there any need!?” Cortez falls back to the mat, but out of pride, begins to push himself back up, drawing a pop from the crowd. Jenkins walks in front of him, grabbing Todd by the jaw and holding him face to face. “You brought this one yourself.” After uttering those words, Jenkins rears back and waylays Cortez with the chair, knocking Cortez inside out! Todd lay out cold on the canvas, and blood starts dripping slowly from an open cut on his head. Spike isn’t done, however, as he stands over Cortez and holds the chair the long way, driving it down into the ribcage of his hated rival! ”Security…someone…ANYONE, get out there and get Spike Jenkins out of there!” Cortez, bloodied and coughing, curls up into a ball on the mat…his only defense against the ambush by Spike. Jenkins lays the chair down and starts to exit the ring…but then turns around and pulls Cortez to his feet roughly, grabbing a ¾ facelock and driving him facefirst down onto that very chair! “Bad Beat on the steel chair!” “Heh, that was a REALLY Bad Beat for Todd Cortez, eh Comet?” “Stop it, just stop it.” ”Leave Spike alone.” “I was talking about YOU!” More boos follow, and more blood eeks out of the fresh cut on Todd Cortez’s forehead. SWF Officials and staff are now finally making their way down the aisle, but the damage has been done. Spike Jenkins exits and walks back to the dressing room area, not bothering to look back at the carnage he’s left in the ring. “Folks, this was just…uncalled for, that’s all I have to say. Let’s take a quick break, and we’ll be back with some more action after this. Unbelievable.”

The lights dim in the Air Canada Centre as thousands of fans cheer wildly. Funyon quickly climbs the steel ring stairs and makes his way into the ring. The camera zooms over the sea of faces in the crowd as dozens of signs pop up and down in the stands, each begging to be caught on television. The dapper ring announcer calmly walks to the microphone dangling in the center of the ring and begins his introductions. “Ladies and Gentleman the following contest is a four corners match!” Funyon exclaims as the crowd cheers wildly. “The winner of this match will be the number one contender for the SWF heavyweight championship!” Robert Riley quickly puts his hands over his ears as he spots Cyclone Comet going for the microphone. “Weeeelcome back Citizens, to SWF LOOOCKDOWN!!!” Cyclone Comet exclaims as Riley rubs blocks his ears. “This next match should be a doozie!” Riley finally removes his hands from his ears and glares at his broadcasting partner. “Introducing the participants… First he weights in at 240 pounds and hails from St.Louis, Missourri….Please give a warm welcome to AUUUSTINN SLLLYYYY!!! The arena lights turn a dark cooling shade of blue to signal the imminant arrival of Austin Sly. The sound of an accoustic guitar playing a hard driving riff floats out over the arena but it is almost completely drowned out by the fans showing their utter loathe for the man. Austin emerges from behind the curtains with only a slight cocky smirk to show any emotion on his face. He walks to the edge of the stage to do his prematch stretches before he makes his way towards the ring. “Austin Sly clearly has a score to settle with Citizen Carnage tonight”, Cyclone understates as Robert Riley orders a beer and some Nachos from a concession worker. “Well he’ll get his chance!” Austin jumps up onto the ring apron and hooks his arm on the top rope. He looks through the arena, not focusing on anyone or anything in the crowd, just taking it in before he climbs into the ring through the middle rope. He makes his way across the ring and leans on the ropes to await the arrival of his opponents. “ Making his way to the ring…” Funyon Continues, “He weights in at 270 pounds and hails from Jacksonville, Florida…Please give a hand to SEANNNN DAVISSS!!!” The arena darkens, as low rumbles of thunder can be heard. Flashes of white pyro streak from ceiling to stage, imitating lightning, and a loud clap of thunder echoes through the arena. "F.E." by 40 Below Summer kicks up. Lines of flame burst alive and border the stage, as if a fire was started by the 'lightning' strike. Sean Davis steps out from under the SmarkTron and heads down the ramp, followed closely by his legal representative, Marcus Washington. ”And making his way to the ring…he weights in at 256 pounds and hails from…” Funyon stops as he glances at the introduction card. “…The magical world of your imagination…ladies and gentlemen please welcome…UNCLE FILLLTHYYY!!! The lights cut out and the instrumental Jazz From Hell version of Frank Zappa’s “Let’s Make The Water Turn Black” begins playing over the house speakers. A single pair of white lights come on at the base of the entryway, and Gorilla Pete and Cap’n Plundah clumsily dance out onto the ramp, enthusiastically waving to the crowd and trying to start an “Un-cle Fil-thy” chant. The crowd at the Air Candada Centre look on in silence as the men make their way down the ramp, additional sets of lights…each a different color… are lit along its sides, until the ramp is lit all the way to the bottom. Uncle Filthy’s wheezing, vaguely snarling voice booms over the music... “Whaddaya say, kids!?” As the same words appear on the SmarkTron, in brightly colored, randomly shaped letters. Some members of the crowd cheer, “UNCLE” as the vast majority look on in silence. A small burst of cheap-looking yellow pyro farts out from the entryway rigging. Seconds later, a white spotlight hits the entrance, revealing Uncle Filthy standing at the top of the ramp, carrying the Magic Bindle over his shoulder. He waves to the crowd then breaks into a run, with the spotlight following him to the ring. He ducks between the ropes and stands in the center of the ring. He unbuttons his sweater, revealing a white T-shirt that reads, “LOVE GOD”, then waves to the crowd again as its shown on the video wall. Uncle Filthy takes in the limited cheers as Gorilla Pete and Cap’n Plundah make their way to ringside. Uncle Filthy goes to his corner, passing the Magic Bindle out to Gorilla Pete as his music fades out. “And finally joining them he weights in at 307 pounds and hails from parts unknown…ladies and gentleman, please welcome the current SWF Hard core Gamers champion…CAAARNAGE!!!” LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR LET THE BODIES HIT THE ……FLOOOOOOORRRR!!! A cloud of white smoke billows from under the SmarkTron as Carnage emerges from behind the curtain. A fountain of white Pyro’s explode as the masked man slowly heads towards the ring. He ignores the jeers from the crowd as he walks directly to the ring and rolls under the bottom rope. All three opponents cautiously move to the ring apron and lock their eyes on the mentally unstable opponent. Carnage moves to the turnbuckle and climbs to the middle rope. He glances over the crowd as he steps out of the ring and stands on the ring apron. As the three other men wait on the ring apron Carnage quickly steps into the ring. The Hardcore gamers champion glances over the Air Canada Centre as the referee rings for the bell. DING DING “And we’re underway!” Riley states as Cyclone Comet fumbles with his match notes. Austin Sly quickly rolls under the bottom rope and charges at Carnage. He fires a haymaker that lands on the Jaw of the SWF resident Maniac. The impact staggers the big man but does not seem to have any major effect. Carnage quickly responds with a stiff shot of his own and the two men engage in a wild exchange of punches. Carnage takes the initial advantage and whips Austin Sly to the corner turn buckle. Sly crashes hard against his back in the corner where Carnage hits him with a strong clothesline. The smaller Sly slips down to the mat where the masked madman fires several thunderous kicks to Slys' sternum area. “Carnage has seized the initial advantage” Cyclone Comet starts as he watches Carnage unload on the fallen Austin Sly. “He is punishing Citizen Sly with a series of kicks to the chest” “That’s what you get for going after a psychopath!” Riley mocks as he digs into his Nachos. The referee starts the count and at four Carnage steps away from the fallen Austin Sly. The masked madman exchanges words with the zebra before heading back to his fallen opponent. He pulls Sly up and whips him to the rope. As Sly rebounds Carnage fires a blistering clothesline WHIFF Austin Sly ducks under Carnages arm and puts on the brakes. As Carnage turns to face Sly he is met with a back kick to the chest which rocks the larger opponent. Austin Sly seizes the initiative and whips Carnage to the corner turnbuckle as the crowd cheers him on. “Great counter by Citizen Sly. That kick caught Citizen Carnage by surprise!” Cyclone Comet states as Robert Riley cracks open a beer. “Everything catches Carnage by surprise!” Riley scoffs as he takes a swig from his malted beverage. A sour expression flashes over his face as he puts the beer on the announcers table. “What the hell kind of beer is this?” he blurts as he motions for the concession clerk to come to the announcers table. “It’s Canadian” Cyclone Comet responds as he keeps his eyes on the action in the ring. “I think it’s called “Moosehead” Riley orders a soda from the concession clerk as tosses the beer into a trash basket under the announcers table. “It taste more like Moose-Ass” As Carnage crashes back first into the turnbuckle he is met with a drop kick to the chest. The masked-mans’ head bounces off the ring post as he skips down to the mat. Austin Sly fires a series of kicks to his chest as Carnage skips down to the ring floor. The referee once again begins his count and this time Austin Sly is forced to step back from his opponent at the count of four. “This referee is certainly a nuisance tonight” Riley states as he takes a sip from his coke. “Well this match is not being contested under hardcore rules” Cyclone Comet responds in a dull monotone. “The referee is only trying to maintain order in the match” Austin Sly returns to his fallen opponent and pulls him to his feet. As Carnage is being pulled up he fires a quick palm strike to Austin Sly which lands perilously close to his throat. The referee quickly lectures the masked man about the strike, but Carnage ignores him and focuses instead on Austin Sly. The SWF resident psycho fires a knee into the stomach of Sly as the crowd begins to get on the masked mans case. FREAK FREAK FREEEEAKK!! Carnage sends Austin Sly hard to the ropes, then ducks as he prepares to greet him with a back body drop. As Sly rebounds off the ropes he recognizes Carnages intentions and counters it with a spinning neck breaker. As the big man hits the mat Sly heads to the corner to tag in Uncle Filthy. As he is about to make the tag Uncle Filthy jumps off the ring apron leaving Sly stranded in the ring. “Gee Whiz Uncle Filthy has refused the tag!” Cyclone exclaims as Riley chuckles quietly to himself. “Must have slipped off that ring apron. Damn slippery Canadian rings!” Austin Sly turns back to face Carnage but is nailed with a big boot to the face. Sly goes crashing to the arena floor as Carnage goes on the assault. The masked man quickly drops an elbow between the eyes of his fallen opponent and wraps him up for the pin. ONE TWO Sly kicks out. “Carnage going for the first pin fall of the match!” Comet states as Riley yawns. “Nothing gets by you, Comet” Carnage waits for Sly to get to his feet before he continues his attack. As Austin Sly gets to his knees the masked mad-man clamps a reverse chin lock on his fallen opponent. He drives his knee hard into Slys lower back as he digs the hold in. Slys’ arms flail helplessly as Carnage makes full use of his size advantage. “The referee will have to careful to watch that this chin lock does not become a choke hold” Cyclone Comet reports as Uncle Filthy sits on the ring apron opening up his magic bindle. He filters through its contents and removes an old silver dollar which is holds up and shows to the crowd while mumbling incoherently. The referee falls to a knee to watch the action as Austin Sly desperately tries to work his way back to his knees’. Carnage shakes his head wildly from side to side as Sly forces his way to his knees. The crowd stamps their feet on the ground in unison as Sly manages to get to his feet. He fires several shots to his opponent’s midsection which force Carnage to abandon his hold. Once free of the chin lock Austin Sly fires a forearm shiver that rocks Carnage. The crowd cheers as Sly runs to the ropes and fires a running forearm at his opponent. WHIFF Carnage is able to side step the charging Austin Sly, who ends up landing face first into the mat. The Hardcore Gamers champion wastes little time in straddling his fallen opponent as applying his trademark Camel Clutch. A look of panic flashes across the face of the downed Austin Sly as Carnage digs in with the maneuver. “Citizen Sly is certainly in a compromised position” Cyclone Comet exclaims as a wry grin flashes across the face of his broadcasting partner. “It is an unusual position”, Riley responds with a hint of a chuckle in his tone. The referee quickly falls to the mat to ask Austin Sly if he wants to give up. The face of Sly is a mask of pain as his back is stretched in a very abnormal manner. As Carnage digs in a chant goes out for his opponent. AUS-TIN AUS-TIN AUS---TINN! Austin Sly desperately tries to fight the hold but Carnage is applying tremendous pressure. After a few moments to begins to raise his arm as if to slap the mat. Suddenly… CRASH! Sean Davis charges from outside the ring and nails Carnage with a knee to the back of his head. The masked man falls to the ground as Austin Sly quickly rolls over onto his back. The referee immediately goes to Davis and demands he leave the ring. He reluctantly complies, but now without first dragging Austin Sly to his corner where he makes an emphatic tag. “It would appear citizen Davis wants to enter the match!” Cyclone Comet understates as Davis immediately charges at the fallen Carnage. “Well the first guy who gets a pin fall or submission gets match with Toxxic for the SWF championship. You didn’t think Davis was going to sit idly by and let Carnage make Austin Sly tap did you?” Davis pulls Carnage up to his knees and sends him flying to the corner turn buckle. Carnage lands shoulder first into the steel ring post. The ring shakes as the masked man immediately grabs at his right shoulder. Davis dives behind him and quickly cradles him for the pin fall. ONE TWO Carnage kicks out. “Citizen Davis taking control of the action” Cyclone Comet announces as Riley continues to work on his Nachos. Davis grabs the right arm of Carnage and wrenches it back. He fires a series of punishing kicks to the exposed ribs of the SWF resident psychopath as the crowd cheers him on. Davis takes extra care to really try to work the potentially injured right shoulder of his opponent. As he wrenches his arm back he takes a few kicks at Carnages clavicle. Carnage works his way up to his knees as Davis continues to work his arm. As he struggles to get back up Davis continues to wrench back on his opponents arm and Carnage falls back to the mat in pain. The crowd once again gets vocal as they begin a cheer for Sean Davis. ASS-HOLE ASS-HOLE ASS-HOOOOLLEE!! Predicting the end is near Uncle Filthy tries to run into the ring. He manages to get his foot caught on the bottom rope and falls face first onto the mat. This generates a laugh from the crowd and the referee quickly orders the Filthy One to leave the ring. This momentary distraction of the referee provides all the opening Carnage needs to fire a well concealed low-blow to Sean Davis’ balls. Davis screams aloud as he immediately abandons the arm wrench. “Holy Cow, Batman!” Cyclone Comet exclaims as Carnage gets to his feet. “Quite an escape artist…Boy Blunder!” Riley retorts. As Davis is doubled over from the low blow Carnage nails him with a clothesline. The masked madman pulls up Davis by the hair and sends him hard into the corner turnbuckle. As Davis crashes back to buckle Carnage charges in but Davis greets him with a boot to the face. This staggers the SWF resident physco long enough for Davis to attempt a tag on Uncle Filthy, who is standing inches away on the ring apron. THUD Uncle Filthy hops off the mat and lands with a soft thud on the floor. A look of shock flashes over Davis face as he realizes his tag effort was rejected. The look of shock turns into a look of pain when Carnage nails him from behind with a thunderous spear. Davis goes crashing face foreword into the ring post; The masked madman quickly cradles him for the pin. ONE TWO THR…No! Davis kicks out! “That was certainly a close one, Robert!” Cyclone Comet states as Riley gags on his Nachos. “Damn that Uncle Filthy should have made the tag!” Riley roars as he checks out Sean Davis. Carnage locks his arms around Davis’ waist and nails him with a belly to back suplex. The crowd cheers the impact which visibly shakes the ring. Carnage quickly straddles Davis’ back and once again locks on the Camel Clutch. The referee quickly moves in to monitor the situation as Davis’ face bears witness to the tremendous pain he is experiencing. “It would appear that Citizen Davis may submit here!” Cyclone Comet states as Davis begins to raise his right hand. “…and it will all be that damn Uncle Filthy’s fault!” Davis desperately reaches for the ropes but Carnage pulls back to deny him the break. The eyes of Sean Davis glare at the ring ropes with remain tantalizingly close to reach. If his arms were two inches longer he’s be able to break the hold. Unfortunately he is just short of escape. As Davis can feel the tremendous pain in his lower back he desperately tries to focus all his energies in finding a way to survive the hold. “Do you want to give up?” a high pitched, whiny voice asks him as Davis continues to struggle with the hold. The referee stands inches from his face begging Davis to concede. Sean Davis continues to fight the hold. He clamps his feet into the ground and uses all his might to force his way to the ropes. As he closes in Carnage once again digs in to the ground and pulls his back from the ropes. “Citizen Davis continues to fight!” Cyclone Comet understates as Robert Riley’s’ eyes are locked onto the action. Sean Davis decides to switch tactics and gets to his knees. He struggles to force his left foot in front of his right foot as he acts out his plan. In a desperate effort he combines all his remaining strength, fueled by adrenalin, to rise to his feet. He grabs Carnage under his knees and raises his opponent up piggy bank style, then rams him backward into the ring post. The impact knocks the SWF resident psycho off his back and to the mat. Davis falls himself as he grabs at his lowed back in agony. “Tremendous escape from Sean Davis. Incredible move!” Riley gushes as Cyclone Comet nods in agreement. “It was very impressive” As Carnage begins to rise to his feet Davis crawls on his stomach to the corner of Austin Sly. The referee moves in for a better view as Davis struggles to get closer. Carnage slowly rises to his feet as he turns his attention back to his adversary. Austin Sly leans over the rope in a desperate effort to make the tag. Davis digs down deep and crawls to inches from Sly. The referee moves in to watch the tag as Davis reaches up for Slys hand… CRASH Carnage dives over to Sly and nails him with a forearm blow. Austin Sly goes crashing to the arena floor as Carnage steps in front of Sean Davis. “That dirty bastard!” Riley screams as carnage begins to pull Davis up to his feet. Austin Sly dives back to the ring apron in an effort to enter the match but it stopped by the referee before he can enter the ring. Once again the crowd starts to chant. FREAK FREAK FREAAAAAKKK!!! With the referee distracted by Austin Sly Davis fires a shot to his opponents balls. Carnage is quickly doubled-over in pain, allowing Sean Davis to charge across the ring and tag to Uncle Filthy. Sitting on the ring apron Uncle Filthy is preoccupied with his magic bindle. As he sorts through its contents he is shocked to feel Davis tag. He glances into the ring to see an enraged Carnage glaring at him from the center of the ring. Sean Davis quickly rolls out as the referee motions Uncle Filthy into the ring. “Great tag by Citizen Davis”, Cyclone Comet exclaims as Uncle Filthy reluctantly enters the ring. A relieved Robert Riley takes a swig from his soda; happy that Sean Davis is no longer in harms way. Carnage immediately charges at the Filthy One who drops low and dives at the madman’s knees. Carnage crashes face first to the mat and Filthy fires a series of punishing kicks to his ribs. The SWF resident psycho gets to his knees but is rewarded for his efforts with a falling heat BUTT to the small of the back courtesy of Uncle Filthy. “Uncle Filthy getting the initial advantage here” Riley states as Comet scribbled something in his match notes. “It bears mentioning that Citizen Carnage has been in the ring for a significant amount of time.” Cyclone Comet replies. “Citizen Filthy is the fresh man in the ring.” “There is nothing fresh about Uncle Filthy!” Uncle Filthy pulls Carnage to his feet and whips him into the turn buckle. The masked man crashes face first hard in the corner ring post as Filthy follows the move with a knee to the back. The impact rams Carnages head to the exposed steel post. A trickle of blood starts running from over his eye and down his face. Uncle Filthy shows his sympathy by ramming Carnage face first into the turn buckle repeatedly. As carnages’ face hits the turn buckle Filthy counts aloud each collision, providing commentary as he goes along. ONE TWO Good for me, but bad for you THREE FOUR I enjoyed it so much, I did it some more FIVE SIX… In desperation Carnage kicks backwards that nails Filthy in the balls. The Filthy One howls in pain as he falls to his knees. Carnage collapses to the mat as blood flows freely down his face. “Merciful Zeus Carnage is busted open!” Cyclone Comet exclaims as Riley finishes his soda. “I hardly think it will hurt his chances with the ladies”, Riley chuckles as Carnage rolls over and tags out to Austin Sly. Austin Sly runs into the ring and fires several stiff punches to the face of Uncle Filthy. He whips him hard to the corner turnbuckle and follows it up with a hard clothesline. The impact drives Filthys head into the ring post as he slips to the ground. Austin Sly follows up his attack with a series of several hard kicks to the chest and head area. The referee moves in and starts his count as Sly unloads the punishment, ONE TWO THREE FOUR Austin Sly steps back at the count of four as the referee lectures him about giving a clean break. He ignores the advice and immediately pulls Filthy back to the feet. As his opponent is wobbling Sly whips him to the ropes. He follows the move up with a punishing clothesline for Filthy once he bounces off the ropes. WHIFF Uncle Filthy ducks under the clothesline and puts on the brakes. As Austin Sly turns Uncle Filthy grabs him around the waist and nails him with a belly to belly suplex. Austin Sly arches his back in pain as Filthy immediately wraps him up for the cover ONE TWO THR….No! Austin Sly kicks out. “Close call” Cyclone Comet states as Uncle Filthy rakes his fingers down the back of Austin Sly. “Austin Sly needs to tag out to Sean Davis!” Riley Blurts. “He’ll take care of Filthy for sure!” Austin Sly and uncle Filthy exchange a series of hard shots to each other as both men appear wobbled. Uncle Filthy appears to score the more significant damage as Austin Sly begins to back peddle. The Filthy One locks his arms around Slys waist again and nails him with a belly to belly suplex. Once again he wraps him up for the pin fall. ONE TWO THR…No! Austin Sly kicks out. Uncle Filthy applies a standing side headlock to Austin Sly. He hooks Slys’ hips with his far arm and hoists him up as if attempting a lifting DDT, but lowering him face foreword to the mat. At Sly goes Parallel to the mat he drops Sly face-first to the canvas. CRASH Austin Slys head bounces hard off the mat as he is devastated by Uncle Filthys “Shows over” finisher. He quickly raps him up for the pin as the referee dives in for the count. ONE TWO CRASH! Sean Davis charges into the ring as nails Uncle Filthy with a tremendous boot to the back of his head. He pulls the Filthy One to his feet and clamps on a side head lock as the referee approaches him and demands he leaves the ring. Davis fires several hard shots to Uncle Filthys head as the crowd begins to chant once again. ASS-HOLE ASSHOLE ASS-HOOOOLLE!!! “It appears this Canadian Crowd does not appreciate the efforts of Citizen Davis” Cyclone Comet understates as Robert Riley cheers on Sean Davis. “What do you expect? They're Canadian!” Uncle Filthy locks his arms around the waist of Sean Davis and hoists him in the air. He drops him hard over his knee in a reverse spin buster that clearly takes its toll on his opponent. Carnage quietly steps into the ring and drags the fallen Austin Sly to his corner on the ring. The referee immediately approaches the masked man and orders him out of the ring. “The referee appears to be struggling in his efforts to control this match” “That’s because no one is listening to him” As the referee looks on Carnage reaches down and tags the dazed Austin Sly. He calmly steps into the ring and nails Sean Davis with a thunderous clothesline. The impact sends Davis crashing face foreword to the mat. “And now this lunatic is in the ring” Riley states as Davis convulses on the mat. Carnage pulls up the fallen Sean Davis and tosses him over the top rope and out of the ring. Sean Davis crashes hard to the steel guard rails as a crowd of onlookers storm the area for a glimpse of the fallen superstar. “Bastard!” Riley screams. Carnage turns his attention to the unsteady Uncle Filthy. The SWF resident Maniac fires a blistering knife edge across the chest of the Filthy one which rocks his opponent. Carnage effortlessly hoists him into the air and inverts him as the crowd roars in unison… TOMBSTONE!! Carnage drives Uncle Filthy head first into the mat as the ring shakes from the impact. The referee dives to the canvas to make the count… ONE TWO TWO AND A HALF THREE!!! DING DING DING The crowd cheers loudly as the referee raises Carnages hand in the air. The masked Mad man gets to his feet as Austin Sly and Sean Davis lie motionless on the ground. “Citizen Carnage drives Uncle Filthy into the mat with a lethal inverted pile driver to get the win” Cyclone Comet states as Robert Riley shakes his head in disgust. “What’s next? Carnage vs. Toxxic for the worlds championship?” Riley spits with an edge to his words. “Sean Davis deserved that title shot, not this freak!” Carnage slowly walks over to the fallen Austin Sly and grabs him gently by the arms. He calmly pulls him up to his feet as the crowd gives the Masked man a round of applause for his good sportsmanship. The cheers don’t last long as Carnage quickly hoists Sly into the air and inverts him. TOMBSTONE PILE DRIVER!!! Carnage drives Sly head first into the canvas as once again the ring shakes. The crowd immediately responds to carnages’ vicious attack. FREAK FREAK FREAAAAAKKK!!! “Someone strap a straight jacket on this Looney!” Riley screams as Carnage glances over at the fallen Sean Davis. The masked man rolls out of the ring and heads in the direction of Davis as Robert Riley hyperventilates at the announcers table. A group of SWF referee’s quickly position themselves between Carnage and Davis as the masked man turns and reluctantly heads up the entrance ramp. He takes several quick glances back as he makes his way to the back. “Impressive win by Citizen Carnage” Cyclone Comet begins. “However it was somewhat tainted by his deplorable actions after the match!” “The man is a stark raving lunatic!” Riley responds. “He needs to be in a padded cell, not in a wrestling ring!” The group of SWF officials assists Sean Davis and Austin Sly as SWF Lockdown goes to commercial.

SWF Lockdown returns from the previous commercial break. The Toronto crowd is buzzed as strobe lights flash all across the arena. Signs are waved, babies are eaten, and somewhere, a Canadian with three teeth is confused as to why there is wrestling instead of hockey. The camera cuts down to the announce team of Cyclone Comet and Bobby Riley! “Welcome back, Citizens! We are live inside the Air Canadian Centre in Toronto, Ontario, Canada!” “Up next is an SWF Cruiserweight Title match that was created unfairly by the SWF Board and Creative Control! Its not fair!” “I see where you are going with this, Robert. Sadly, I must agree.” “Of course you do. Danny Dagda is a heavyweight. HOW IS HE WRESTLING FOR THE CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE?” “Technically, the SWF Cruiserweight Title has a weight limit of Two Hundred and Thirty pounds. If you exceed that set amount of weight, you are not qualified for the cruiserweight division.” “Danny Dagda weighs Two Hundred and SEVENTY-FIVE pounds!” complains Riley. “When Spike Jenkins found out about this match, he said he didn’t care who he was put against. He’ll defend the title against Cruiserweights, Heavyweights….” Comet sighs. “And midgets…” -Fast forward past entrances, Spike working the arm, and Dagda using big time impact moves on Spike- Danny climbs up to his feet, visibly annoyed at Spike Jenkins for kicking out at two. Spike rolls onto his gut, clutching the back of his neck. Dagda reaches down, grabbing Spike by his hair and pulling him up to his feet. Spike gets to a full stance, holding his neck; leaving him prone to the chop that Dagda drives into the Cruiserweight Champion’s chest! “WHOOOOOOOOO!” Spike stumbles back. The giant chop sent him stumbling back and knocking the oxygen out of his body. Danny grabs the wrist of Jenkins’ and pulls him back to where he was standing. Dagda leans back and cracks another knife-edged chop across the now blood red chest of Jenkins’! “WHOOOOOOOOO!” Spike grabs his chest again, but instead of falling backwards, he unleashes his own knife-edged chop into the chest of Danny Dagda! “WHOOOOOOOOO!” Danny barely notices the chop though and responds with a bitch slap across the face of the SWF Cruiserweight Champion! “OHHHHHHHHH!” “Danny Dagda has no respect for the Cruiserweight Champion!” shouts Riley. “Doesn’t he know that Spike Jenkins is a member of Revolution Zero?” Spike holds his, now, bright red face. Dagda waits for the incoming assault from Jenkins, who leans back, ready to strike… …But just spits in the face of the giant! The audience gasps and silence down…only to be broken by the cross dressing Annie Eclectic fan in the front row… “OH NO YOU DIDN’T!” “You were saying something about no respect.” Says Comet. “Not the smartest thing to do, Spike…” Riley trails off. Jet and even the referee stand at attention, not sure what is going to happen next. Spike gets in the face, or chest, of Dagda and calls him out. “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?” Dagda wipes the spit off his face and looks down at the Cruiserweight champion. “I AM SPIKE FREAKING JENK---“ *CRACK* Dagda drives his forearm into the face of Jenkins! Jenkins falls lopsided into the ropes, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. “What a forearm shot by the challenger!” “Challenger? How can he be a challenger for the Cruiserweight title when he isn’t a Cruiserweight!” cries Riley. “I’m not the one who makes the matches, Bobbo.” Jet slams her fists on the apron, hoping to get some sense into the falling Cruiserweight Champion. Jenkins dangles on the top rope, nearly falling over if he didn’t put all his weight on the cables. Danny grabs Spike by the wrist and Irish whips him across the ring. Spike hits the ropes and picks up speed as he comes flying back towards the New Jersey native. Danny catches Spike off the rebound, lifting him into the air for a sidewalk slam…that Spike flips out of and lands behind Dagda! “Spike using his speed to counter out of Danny Dagda’s high impact offense!” Dagda turns towards Jenkins, who unleashes several forearm shots to the jaw! Dagda stumbles back, but retains his balance. Spike charges backwards into the ropes. He leans into the ropes and gains momentum behind him. He charges towards his giant opponent and throws his boot into the air, aiming for his signature Yakuza Kick! …But Dagda just slaps the boot out of the way! “Danny Dagda blocks the Yakuza Kick!” says Comet. “He didn’t just block it, Comet. He smacked it away! What kind of monster is this guy?” Spike grabs his leg while trying to shake the astonished look off his face. Never before has someone just slapped away his Yakuza Kick. Dagda doesn’t let opportunity pass him as he kicks Spike in the gut. Spike kneels over, clutching his gut in pain. Dagda wraps his arms around Jenkins’ waist, locking him in a reverse waist lock. Dagda uses all the strength in his back to even out the pain shooting through his arm, and lifts Spike up into the air over his shoulder in a Canadian back breaker! “Can Danny Dagda be going for his finishing maneuver, The Deflation? That Canadian Back Breaker into a Jumping Piledriver is brutal, and will surely end the reign of the SWF Cruiserweight Champion!” “It isn’t fair! Dagda isn’t a Cruiserweight. Sure, he is a wrestling machine and a monster, BUT HE ISN’T A CRUISERWEIGHT!” cries Riley. Danny holds Spike in the air, ready to drop him down on his head. But the Cruiserweight Champion won’t go down without a fight. Spike flings his legs around, trying anything to get out of the move. Dagda holds onto Spike for as long as he can, but Spike pounds away on the injured right arm, breaking the waist lock and falling to his feet behind Danny! “Spike breaks free!” Spike charges full force into the ropes, bouncing off them and speeding up back towards where he began. Danny turns around, not sure what to do… *CRACK* DANNY GETS A BOOT RIGHT TO THE FACE! “YAKUZA KICK!” shouts Riley! Danny stumbles back from the blow, but doesn’t fall. He keeps his stance, just a little woozy. Spike looks around towards Jet, not sure what to do. Jet looks almost astonished as Spike does. Spike thinks for a second, and charges back into the ropes. He hits the ropes and charges towards Danny. Dagda senses the Yakuza Kick coming this time and ducks down, ducking the kick all together… …Except that Spike kicks him in the shoulder! “Yakuza Kick to Danny Dagda’s shoulder! The same one that Spike has been working on all match!” shouts Comet. Danny grimaces in pain as he falls to one knee, holding his right arm. Spike charges towards Danny, leaping onto his knee and… *SMACK* …Dangerous Wizard to the back of the head! “DANGEROUS WIZAHHHHHHHRD!” cries Riley. Danny falls to his hands and knees. He nearly drops all the way down, but keeps his balance. The kick to the back of the head obviously affected him and the pain is tearing through his right arm. Spike gets up to his feet. He jumps over to Danny’s side, taking Dagda’s left arm and stepping over it. Rolling over, Spike ties Dagda up like a pretzel, pinning his shoulders to the mat! “La Magistral Cradle!” shouts Comet. As if he’s riding an invisible unicycle, Duran rapidly pumps his feet into the air but no matter how much he struggles, he can’t escape Williams’ clutches! ONE! TWO!!! THREE!!!!!! Spike breaks the complex cradle. He quickly rolls out of the ring, as the referee calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* Dagda jumps to his feet, arguing with the referee that there was no three count. “The winner of this match, via pin fall…” starts Funyon. “AND STILL SWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION! ‘HOLLYWOOD’ SPIKE JENKINS!!!” The referee exits the ring, grabs the Cruiserweight title and hands it over to Jet. Jet rushes over towards Jenkins, who has his hands raised in the air in victory. “Spike Jenkins not only used his speed to defeat Danny Dagda, be he used his brain!” says Riley. “He outsmarted Dagda and that is what lead to his retaining of the SWF Cruiserweight title over a HEAVYWEIGHT!” “I have to say. You are correct, Robert.” Spike holds the title above his head as Jet applauds his efforts. They both make their way up the ramp, mocking the Canadian crowd that disapprove of Revolution Zero. Dagda remains in the ring, extremely pissed off that he couldn’t put away the much smaller Spike Jenkins. “Coming up next folks… a four corners match for a shot at the SWF World Champion, Toxxic!” says Comet. “Stay tuned!” SWF Lockdown goes to a commercial break as Spike Jenkins poses at the top of the ramp. The SWF Cruiserweight Title wrapped firmly around his waist. The Toronto Crowd roars in disapproval, but there is nothing they can do about Jenkins or Revolution Zero. [Fade]

Lockdown returns from a commercial for Brian Levy’s International House of Beating the Shit out of Fucking Hipster Douches, does a quick pan around the Air Canada Center, and comes to rest on Cyclone Comet and Bobby Riley, dressed as a reporter and vampire, respectively, for this match. “Blaah! I vant to suck Tom’s di...” Riley begins. “Holy shut up, queer!” Comet shouts, cutting him off. “We’ve got an interesting match scheduled for you folks now. And unlike The Simpsons and their Halloween specials, this one won’t take place a week after the holiday!” “That’s right! In this match, two of the scariest wrestlers in the Smartmarks Wrestling Federation will go head-to-head. Annie Onita is taking on Andrea Montgomery!” Riley exclaims. “Well, I wouldn’t consider them scary. Surely Carnage is scarier, right?” Comet asks. “Don’t call me Shirley. And no, nothing compares to the spookiness of women! BOO!” Riley shouts. The lights drop down and an explosion rocks the stage. No Doubt’s “Just a Girl” starts up, and from behind the curtain come Andrea and Zutroy Montgomery. “Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, being accompanied by her brother Zutroy, from Biloxi, Mississippi, she weighs one hundred, forty-three pounds, ANDREA MONTGOMERY!” Funyon shouts. As the smoke from the explosion clears, the costume Andrea has decided to wear comes into focus. She’s got a gray hue to her skin and a lot of prosthetics to giver her face a misshapen look. “What the hell is she supposed to be?” Riley asks. “If I were to guess, I’d say Abominationella, from the website 665,” Comet replies. Andreationalla and clay golem brother Zutroy Feinberg head to the ring and she slides under the bottom rope. Drea stands up, climbs to the top turnbuckle, and spews out a black liquid. “And there’s the ichor vomiting. Yeah, she’s definitely dressed as Abominationella,” Comet states. “This is pretty fucked up, you know that, right?” Riley questions. “No doubt about that, Count Fagula,” Comet says. The arena goes silent for a moment, but that silence is broken by a screaming voice. “I GET WET WHEN A PARTY HAS STARTED!” “I GET WET! WITHOUT EVEN TRYING!” “I GET WET! I GET WET! I GET WET! I GET WET! I GET WET! I GET WET! I GET WET!” BOOM! White and blue pyro rush from the top of the ramp as “I Get Wet” by Andrew W.K. continues to blast. The sparks part, allowing Ann Onita to step through. “And her opponent, from Tokyo, Japan, she weighs one hundred, sixty-five pounds, ANN ‘ICHIBAN’ ONITA!” Funyon shouts. Onita walks down the ramp, clad in leather and sporting a mullet that could easily kill Coy West’s. “Good Lord, she’s dressed as Thug!” Comet exclaims. “I just hope she’s not channeling her powers,” Riley adds. “Because then we’d all be horribly, horribly screwed.” Ann slides into the ring and gestures towards the fans and Andrea. The referee, who’s dressed as the Cryptkeeper...no, it is the Cryptkeeper, wait, that’s David Lee Roth...who can honestly tell the difference, anyway? Referee Cryptkeeper Lee Roth checks for hidden items, finds none, and signals for the DEATH KNELL EHEHEHEHE!!! DING! DING! DING! Drea circles around Annie, looking for an opening to exploit. She darts forward, smacking Ann with a kick to the chest. Onita stumbles, but composes herself and dives towards Andrea, knocking her to the mat with a forearm to the head. She pulls Drea back up, and sends her back to the mat with a scoop slam and follows up with an elbow drop. Ann makes a cover, but Drea kicks out before Roth can count. “Onita has taken control of this match. I bet it’s the costume,” Comet says. “One just has to wonder, if Annie wins this match, will she dress as Thug permanently?” Riley asks. “Perhaps, if she feels that was the decisive factor. Plus, it might get rid of Ebony, something I’m sure Ann would be glad of,” Comet adds. Thug-iban lifts Drea-nella up once more and whips her into the ropes. As she comes off the rebound, Andrea jumps, catching Annie on the shoulder with a dropkick. Onita spins around, Montgomery gets to her feet, and takes the Hardcore Queen down with an inverted DDT. Drea pops back up with Annie still cinched in the facelock, and she shoves Onita into the ropes. As she bounces back, Andrea leaps, sending Ann throat-first across the ropes with a leg lariat. Drea slips between the ropes, grabs the top strand, and slams both feet into Onita’s face, sending her staggering backwards. Montgomery pulls herself back to the apron, springs to the top cable, and leaps off. She back flips and just manages to snare Ichiban with a front chancery and slam her into the mat with a DDT. “Springboard shooting star tornado DDT from Andrea Montgomery! Mayhap Ann Onita isn’t getting the full Thug power. Might there be something she’s doing wrong?” Comet inquires. “Could be. I mean, nobody’s gotten the chance to study Thug accurately, so there might be something Annie’s missing,” Riley says. Drea rolls Ann over and makes a cover. ONE! TWO! NO! Onita kicks out, sending Andrea Montgomery off of her forcibly. Ichiban kips up and levels Andrea just as she’s rising from the mat with a clothesline. Onita hoists Montgomery up from the canvas, and off her feet before crashing back down with a stalling vertical suplex. “I guess Annie has realigned her Thug-ras and she’s in control once more,” Comet states. “Thug-ras? What the hell are you talking about?” Riley asks. “It’s like chakras in yoga, but since it’s Thug, they become Thug-ras,” Comet explains. As Annie pulls Andrea back up, brother Zutroy, dressed as Ovenfucker Feinberg the clay golem (As previously mentioned), spies something under the ring. He reaches forward and picks up an Easy Bake Oven. It being the natural thing to do, he begins having dirty sex with the tiny oven. “Say,” Comet begins, noticing what the elder Montgomery is doing. “Would that be counted as statutory rape since an Easy Bake Oven is for young girls?” “I’m not sure. Yes, it’s meant for younger girls, but it’s been around for many years,” Riley states, as if what’s happening is very common. With a throat-slashing gesture, Annie turns Andrea upside down, putting her in position for the Hollowpoint Driver. Before Onita has a chance to lift Montgomery by the waistband, a black blur races down the ramp, slides into the ring, and slams a forearm into the Hardcore Queen’s back! David Lee Roth/Cryptkeeper has no choice but to call, once again, for the DEATH KNELL! EHEHEHEHE!!! DING! DING! DING! “Holy crap on a larger pile of crap, it’s Thug! The real Thug!” Comet exclaims. “And she’s attacking her Doppler-Thug, Ann Onita!” Riley shouts. “Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match via disqualification, ANN ‘ICHIBAN’ ONITA!” Funyon booms. As the real Thug hammers away on impostor Thug, yet another black blur races down the ramp and slides into the ring. “EEP!” Comet shrieks. “Ebony,” Riley adds in a hushed, frightened tone. The ferret-weasel hybrid knocks Thug down with a forearm smash, saving her lustful desire. Ebony picks Ann up, without Onita realizing who in fact is helping her. She looks at her hand and notices the black fur. With a shudder, Ichiban tries to back away, but Ebony tightens her grip. Until, that is, Thug gets back up and slams an elbow into Ebony’s back. Ebony lets go of Ann and slowly turns around to face Thug. “Oh no, folks, we’ve got an old fashioned Mexican standoff. Only neither of these two ladies are of Latin American descent,” Comet states. “I just hope the world is not destroyed as these two wage war. I’ve got money on the Cardinals, damn it!” Riley adds. As the two women stare at each other, the anger melts away and is replaced with love. Thug opens her arms and Ebony leaps up, wrapping her legs around Thug’s waist. As they embrace and make out, Andrea and Annie get to their feet and as stealthily as possible, sneak out of the ring while Zutroy remains near the ramp, having intercourse with the tiny oven. “And that’s an interesting turn of events. Ebony and Thug have put aside their differences, and are currently having quite a make out session,” Comet states. “Yeah, it’s a combination of arousing and highly unsettling at the same time,” Riley says. As Ebony and Thug continue to kiss, Lockdown fades to the following commercial. “You want a fried baby? NO Problem!” says GOdrea, smiling at the camera. She points back to the kitchen, where a burly unshaven man of 30 takes a frozen baby from the walk in freezer and tosses it across the room to another cook, who promptly tosses it into a massive oven. ‘20 minutes later’ flashes across the screen and a diagonal wipe reveals a excellently fried baby, complete with an apple stuffed in its mouth. “Deep fried? NO Problem! We’ve just bought a deep fryer from the Navy that can deep fry 50 babies at once in only 3 minutes!” Cut to a shot of a couple big men dumping about a dozen babies into the deep fryer. One of them says “God damn that smells bad.” and the other one replies “Don’t worry, you get used to it after a couple months.” Cut back to GOdrea, who is delivering one of the deep fried babies to a waiting customer’s table. “And don’t worry about the freshness of our babies. We assure you, the babies we give you were caught the day you ate them. Guaranteed!” The words ‘Earlier that day’ flash on the screen as it cuts to a shot of GOdrea in front of someone’s house wearing a blue ‘Federal Baby Relocation Agency’ jacket. Another man with the same jacket as GOdrea walks away with a cute year old baby as GOdrea stops the parents. “Don’t worry, people. We assure you, your baby will be in good hands.” Cut back to the same baby, fried and in doused in Cajun spices. GOdrea and a Cajun chef come up to the tasty treat, and the chef runs his hand along the baby and licks it, exclaiming “That’s a one spiacy babuh. I guarontee!” GOdrea laughs and pats him on the shoulder. “That’s correct Pierre.” She says before kicking him in the ovaries and pushing him off the screen. “So come down to GOdrea’s International House of Baby Eating, and enjoy some world class cuisine! And remember: We are the only restaurant to have the Giant Gonzales to greet you at the door!” Cut to the Giant Gonzales, smiling and greeting people at the door with a grunt. He shakes the hands of the dad, the mom, and then the little kids. The little kids try to get their hands away from him, but he lifts them up and swallows them both whole. The parents look back at first in horror, then smile and laugh jovially. The dad pats Gonzales on the back and says “Oh, Gonzales…” Gonzales smacks him through the wall, then begins laughing along with the mom.

ATTENTION: Jamie Drazon is no longer an active member of this federation and is no longer to be booked until further notice. I'm happy to write his final match for him. Landon Maddix zooms down to the ring, as his match is about to begin! Landon: "Meep meep!" Suddenly, in the aisleway, Maddix spots a pile of birdseed with a wooden white sign planted into it like a flag on a newly discovered planet. The sign reads "EAT ME." Maddix smiles, clicks his heels together, and begins pecking at the birdseed. ... Meanwhile, up in the rafters, Drazon, cartooney helmet and evil glare intact, saddles up on his "ACME" rocket, ready to be launched directly at his opposition. He rubs his hands together eagerly in anticipation... aims... aaaand... ...the rocket teeters slightly so that it's facing directly downward. *** BOOM *** The rocket propels downward, heading straight for the solid concrete, as Drazon gulps as if he has a bad feeling about this, looks at the camera with a worried look in his eyes, and holds up a sign reading "Shit." *** CRACK *** The rocket smashes against the ground with an astonishing force, and Drazon does as well. His head makes direct contact with the cement floor, and his helmet does him no good, as his neck snaps back, his body goes limp, and he flips over in a sprawling heap as mortal read spurts from both of his ears -- a vampire's water fountain. With one last sign of life, Drazon looks up at the camera once more, holds up another sign -- "Ouch," and then his rocket explodes, sending severed limbs and blown off pieces of skull into the crowd! Drazon is a human Gallagher watermelon! The audience members hold up their trash bags that were given to them before the show started to shield themselves from the bloodshed, and the referee holds up Maddix's arm in victoree. Comet: "...Well, JD might be on our injury list for a while."

“Welcome to SWF programming. The following broadcast may be unsuitable for young children, old people, fundamentalists of any religious denomination, Republicans, Democrats, people who are unsure, feminists, male chauvinists, people completely lacking a sense of humour and anyone who may find themselves scared of a 6-foot anthropomorphic psychotic lesbian ferret. Although we ourselves are hoping to any appropriate deity that the last one won’t appear.” FIVE… FOUR… THREE… TWO… ONE… *BOOOM! BANG! BANG! BU-BU-BU-BU-BOOOM!* The cameras pan around the Air Canada Centre, taking in the multitude of signs including ‘MUCH MORE MADDIX!’, ‘I AM TEH ANDREAZ FAN!!!1!!’ and ‘MAX KING SUCKS, KELLY SWALLOWS!’. With such heights of taste and wit quickly ignored the shot changes to Cyclone Comet and Bobby Riley sitting at their announce table. “Welcome Citizens!” Comet shouts, “we are here LIVE~ on SWF Lockdown, and what a night of wrestling we have lined up for you! In our main event, Manson goes head-to-head with Toxxic after his defeat of Toxxic’s stablemate Spike Jenkins on Storm, but the excitement doesn’t end there!” “Actually it does, since that’s the last match on the show,” Riley points out, but simply receives a SuperSlap upside the head for his troubles. “We also have the USJL Champion Todd Cortez taking on ICTV Champion Max King in a match that will no doubt be thrilling despite it’s non-title nature,” Comet continues, ignoring the interruption of his ambiguously gay commentary partner, “iand we have Citizens Montgomery and Onita competing in a special Halloween match, complete with fancy dress!” “Bah,” Riley snorts, “typical wrestling company, demeaning its female competitors by putting them in a gimmicked costume match where the only aim is to provide cheap titillation for the sad, hormonally charged teenage males who are too young or too tight to access proper pornography. It makes me sick.” “It’s nothing of the sort! And anyway... are you saying you don’t agree with demeaning Andrea and Annie?” Comet asks, non-plussed. “Of course I do!” Riley snaps. “But can’t it be done in a way that means I don’t have to see them?” Before Comet can answer that, the Smarktron abruptly whites out and the opening chord of ‘Rookie’ by Boy Sets Fire crashes out across the Air Canada Centre. The Smarktron quickly fades to black, and as it does so jagged white letters flash up a familiar slogan: ‘PREPARE TO BE PROVED WRONG...’ Toxxic’s face appears on the Smarktron grinning lopsidedly while clips of his matches flash up at half-second intervals, interspersed with the words ‘REVOLUTION ZERO’ and ‘STRAIGHT-EDGE SENSATION’. Then as the main riff kicks in the man himself strides out from the back with the World Title over his shoulder and Jet at his side, and makes his way down to the ring. “Ladies and gentlemen,” Funyon booms, “making his way to the ring, the leader of Revolution Zero and the SWF WORLD... HEAVYWEIGHT... CHAMPION... the ‘Straight-Edge Sensation’... TOXXXXXXXX-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!!” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Undeterred as ever by his hostile reception, Toxxic rolls under the ropes into the ring and grabs the microphone from Funyon. “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “I know you’re all gagging to get the show underway, so I won’t detain your remarkably deficient attention spans for long,” the Straight-Edge Sensation tells the Canadian crowd. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Back when I first won the World Title, I started something called the Toxxic Open Challenge,” the rookie recalls. “As I’m sure you all know, this backfired when by some fluke of chance I lost the title to Johnny Dangerous.” “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!” “Yeah,” Toxxic grins ruefully. “But hey, that was such a good career plan for Johnny, wasn’t it? Now he’s disappeared like all the other former World Champions, and guess who’s still here?” The Straight-Edge Sensation leans against the corner pads and readjusts the title belt over his shoulder. “Anyway,” he continues, “that was the Toxxic Open Challenge. But now I’m issuing a new challenge, the Toxxic Specific Challenge. And that challenge is to the lady I spoke to in the back during Storm, someone who seems to think that she is better than me. So Annie Onita, if you’re listening-“ “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “ICH-I-BAN!” “ICH-I-BAN!” “-get your powder blue suit-wearing, male genetalia-destroying, allegedly Hardcore backside out here RIGHT NOW!” Toxxic finishes at a shout, jabbing a black-nailed finger at the ring to emphasise his point. “Sweet Zombie Jesus, Toxxic is calling out the Hardcore Queen!” Comet says in alarm. “Hold on Citizens, because if Ann Onita decides to answer our World Champion then things could turn nasty very quickly…” “Rubbish!” Riley snorts. “He called out Clark a couple of shows back, and we saw how well that ended up didn’t we?” “That depends on your definition of ‘well’,” Comet replies. “‘Battered hippy’ sounds like a good definition to me,” Riley says happily. "I GET WET WHEN A PARTY HAS STARTED!" "I GET WET... WITHOUT EVEN TRYING!" "I GET WET, I GET WET, I GET WET, I GET WET I GET WET, I GET WET, I GET WET, I GET WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!" A sheet of blue and white pyro erupts upwards from the top of the ramp, broken only by the Hardcore Queen running straight through it and charging full speed into the ring. Sliding under the bottom rope, Ann steps right up to Toxxic face to face, one hand idly toying with the Kendo stick across her back as she looks appreciatively at Jet - a look that Toxxic’s girlfriend returns with interest. Smirking slightly, Annie receives a microphone from the ringside crew and turns to look at the current World Champion. “Settle down little man,” Annie says, raising the brim of her fedora slightly. “We’ve already established that you’re just a jumped-up little punk wannabe, so why don’t we get to the point?” “YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “ANN-IE!” *clap-clap-clap* “ANN-IE!” *clap-clap-clap* “Are you challenging me to a match?” Annie asks, staring Toxxic straight in the eye. “Because if you are, I will gladly accept - and then take that title off you to become the first ever female World Heavyweight Champion. And while I’m at it,” she adds sweetly, reaching a finger towards Toxxic’s cheek, “I’ll show you how to apply eyeliner so it doesn’t run...” Toxxic’s hand flashes out and grabs Annie’s finger. For a moment the two wrestler just bore holes into each other... then Toxxic raises the mic to his mouth. “You know Annie, if I remember rightly you once got hit in the head so hard that you flipped for Chris Wilson.” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Annie’s eyes narrow dangerously at that, but Toxxic ignores the warning sign and continues. “It seems to me that something similar must have occurred to make you think you can beat me,” the Straight-Edge Sensation states, “because let’s face it, your track record this year hasn’t been all that great. You got that one big win, a non-title victory over Va’aiga, and after that it’s all been downhill. You failed to beat Tom Flesher, a man I put away months ago.” Toxxic releases Annie’s finger from his grasp and slouches back into his corner. “You came back and lost to Manson, whom I’ll be beating this evening. You only beat Drazon when Ebony interfered - I beat him clean. You couldn’t even win the damn Women’s Title,” Toxxic grins lopsidedly, “and since that’s currently being held by a Barbie doll on stilts with more legs than brains, that really doesn’t say all that much about your current form.” (“Is Toxxic talking about Kelly Connelly?” Comet asks in some surprise. “I thought he and Max King got on!”) (“Meh, it’s Toxxic,” Riley shrugs, “he doesn’t like anyone much.”) Slowly, with exaggerated care, Annie removes her fedora and places it on the ground at her feet. “If it’s going to take a match to prove you wrong, then that’s just fine with me,” the rookie World Champion says, eyeing Annie’s movements. “I’m not doing anything at Ashes 2 Ashes, so why don’t you and I hook it up then? Then we can see if the blast from the past can upset the current pick of the bunch, but I’ll warn you,” Toxxic grins again, “so far people haven’t had much luck.” “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “ANN-IE!” *clap-clap-clap* “ANN-IE!” *clap-clap-clap* “Amazing!” Comet says. “Citizens, we may have just had our main event announced for Ashes 2 Ashes!” “If the Hardcore Bint accepts his challenge,” Riley points out. “So far she’s just taken her hat off, which doesn’t signify acceptance in any culture I know of.” Annie straightens up, brushes some dust from the shoulder of her suit... then unslings the kendo stick. Toxxic eyes the weapon with caution as the Hardcore Queen taps it idly against the mat and raises her own microphone. “If it’s a match you want Little Johnny, it’s a match you shall have,” Annie tells the Straight-Edge Sensation. “I will take great pleasure in stripping you of your title, your dignity and possibly,” she adds with a smile, “the ability to procreate.” “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “But for right now,” Annie continues, hefting her weapon, “why don’t we have a little warm-up!?” “FUCK HIM UP ANNIE! FUCK HIM UP ANNIE!” The crowd rises in anticipation as it suddenly dawns on Toxxic that he’s trapped in a corner with an angry woman with a kendo stick in front of him. Realising that there’s no way out of the ring that won’t expose him to an attack the rookie shrugs, strips the title belt off his shoulders and throws it over Annie’s head into Jet’s safe-keeping, then steps out of the corner... *WHAM!* ...and Jet floors Annie from behind with the belt! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “If you can’t play nicely with your toys, I’m going to have to take them off you,” Toxxic informs the half-conscious Hardcore Queen, plucking the kendo stick from her hand and throwing it out of the ring. “I’ll see you at Ashes 2 Ashes... and you’d better be ready.” Jet hands her boyfriend the World Title back and Toxxic heads for the ramp, but Jet doesn’t immediately follow. Instead the dreadlocked beauty rolls Annie over onto her back, pauses for a moment to check that Onita is as out of it as she seems... then plants a kiss on her lips! “...” is all Bobby Riley has to say. Jet rolls out of the ring and follows her boyfriend up the ramp, as Toxxic looks confused but then shrugs and puts his arm around her shoulders before they walk out together. In the ring, Annie is struggling to sit up but is clutching the back of her head. “Citizens, we have seen what a lowlife Toxxic is, but now we know that he will face Citizen Onita in the ring at Ashes 2 Ashes, only on SWF programming!” Comet pimps. “Both these competitors will be in action later tonight, but for now we have to take a break!” FADE OUT

Ooh, how's "Debbie G" treating you? And of course "Winterlong" and "Into the White," though you'd heard those before, I'm sure.

For Edwin's comments, I both disagree and agree. On one hand, I DO believe that the music has gone downhill. All of the reasons for this have already been listed by myself and others, so yes... But Edwin is right, good music is STILL NOT HARD TO FIND. Pitchfork, people. They're indie snobs who sometimes rate albums too LOW, if anything, but there are plenty of albums on that site that get 8.0's and above that are absolutely phenominal. I didn't enjoy 2003 all that much, but 2004 has been one of the best music years in half a decade. A lot of this good music has been coming from Sonic Youth and Tom Waits and people who've been around for over 15 years, but there's The Arcade Fire, Modest Mouse, Franz Ferdinand, and tons of others.

I guess there's two facts here that we can kind of just combine. 1.) Mainstream music right now is terrible. 2.) Thanks to the internet the truly talented don't need to be mainstream to be heard. So right now, and for the last four years, I think it could be (optimistically) stated that Mainstream has no good bands in it anymore because they don't *need* to sell out really anymore. Though this is a very faulty statement, it is true in some cases. I guess. I don't know. It's almost midnight. But still, I guess mainstream music has always been crap, but it does seem like things are going ever-so-slightly downhill from before. I would have to say that probably 70% of the decline of music can be blamed on MTV too, sadly. I mean, it's hard to believe that TRL and Cribs *aren't* responsible for this. Eh, wow, I'm tired. I'll comment again when anything I say can make sense.

I'd have to agree here. Not only is it becoming corporate, but also the number of people who do it is decreasing at a relatively steady pace. Art used to be a very popular mainstream (or what they had of a mainstream culture decades and centuries ago) thing, and now it's to the point where just a pretty distinct cult of people still devote themselves to painting and art. It's becoming that way with musicians, too. Only a small cult of people (small compared to what it used to be, at least) are truly interested in listening to/playing music. I guess sometimes it doesn't seem that way because seemingly every other guy is buying a guitar to get the girls, but when you take everything into account you can definitely see it heading that way. At my highschool, I'd say about 10% of the students own more than a dozen CD's. I mean, wow. Everyone just has their ipod and casually listens to each band's singles every once in a while. And of course, the money issue is big too. Everything on MTV is marketing something. Sometimes they'll mention something offbeat and not-mainstream in an attempt to get some "indie cred" or something, but overall it's just Usher's crib on the screen 24/7. It's really quite sad. At least there's some hope here and there. The mainstream doesn't ignore all good bands -- Modest Mouse, Franz Ferdinand, Interpol, the White Stripes, etc. all get attention the old fashioned way -- a catchy riff and some damn good music, but as I said, that's just the ray of hope in Pandora's box. Hopefully there's some sort of apocalypse of music and everything starts all over again. That's all we can hope for.

The Smartmarks wrestling Federation presents... SWF SMARKDOWN, MONDAY, OCTOBER 18TH, LIVE FROM THE ARROWHEAD STADIUM IN ANAHEIM, CALIFORNIA! (5:00pm PDT, 8:00pm EDT; check local listings) Send marked matches, promos, etc. to Chuck Woolery Opening Promo: Andrea Montgomery What’s this?? The loser of a World Title shot gets the opening promo? Well that’s zany. Andrea is not in a good way at the moment, having lost to Toxxic twice in recent memory, and therefore temporarily putting herself out of the World Title run. But much like a cat or a weighted Furby, Andrea can still land on her feet! What does the future hold for Andrea Montgomery? How does she plan to start racking up the “W’s” once again after such a tragic loss? Tune in and find out! SPECIAL EXCITING TWO-PEOPLE-WHO-SHOULD-BE-BOOKED-IN-THE-MAIN-EVENT SHOW OPENER!!! “The Icon” Max King vs. Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix ~ Usually, a show opener includes the run-of-the-mill directionless newbies, but not tonight! Oh no! Tonight we’re starting off things with a bang! Two of the fed’s most talented writers go head-to-head and get the gears turning for SWF SMARKDOWN!! Rules: As standard as a standard match can possibly get. Word Limit: 4000 Send To: Grand Slam SPECIAL CELEBRITY HANDICAP MATCH OF DOOM!!! rKade and Kaine vs. Alec Baldwin, Daniel Baldwin, Stephen Baldwin, and Billy Baldwin What do The Flinstones 2: Viva Rock Vegas, Peanut M&M commercials, Bio-Dome, Dr. Seuss’ Cat In the Hat, Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, Paparazzi, Active Stealth, Flatliners, Sliver, and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire guest appearances all have in common? Why, they’ve all involved the BALDWINS, of course! But at least those four don’t know-show. rKade and Kaine must throw something together here, or they retire forever, and whatnot. Rules: Tag match rules. One man in the ring at once. Special security at ringside, as Daniel is a raging alcoholic. Word Limit: None. GO CRAZY!!! Send To: 5_moves_of_doom GO SINGLES MATCHES!!! Stryke vs. Manson Both talented writers with no foreseeable direction. The winner here could change that statement. Rules: Standard. EXCITEMENT! Word Limit: 4000 Send To: 5_moves_of_doom SPECIAL SECOND-CHANCE HARDCORE GAMERS #1 CONTENDERSHIP TRIPLE THREAT!!! Danny Dagda vs. Evan Wolfe vs. Uncle Filthy Carnage promptly defeated all three of these men on Lockdown for a shot at the Hardcore Gamers Championship, but what’s this? In something that has never been done in SWF history, these three men will all have a second chance at that very title shot! These men know each other inside and out after last week’s match, and whoever wins either gets to (depending on who wins the HCG Title tonight) seek vengeance on Carnage or do what he could not do – defeat Sean Davis for the Hardcore Gamer’s Championship!! Rules: None. All three men in the ring at once. No DQ. No rope breaks. No count-outs. Etc. First man to gain a pin or a submission on an opponent is the #1 Contender. Word Limit: 4750 Send to: realitycheck HARDCORE GAMER’S TITLE MATCH!!! Sean Davis vs. Carnage Carnage cashes in on his title match against the new champ. But even if he wins, as the match before this implies, it won’t be long before he’s got someone on his tail. Oh Hardcore Title, you’re all over the place! Rules: None, fools! Word Limit: 5000 Send to: Chuck Woolery NON-TITLE BLOODBATH!!! Christian Fury vs. Ace Lezaire We’ve got a new US Champ… er, Canadian Champ, but since I hate all non-Leonard-Cohen Canadians, Ace has immediately been booked in a match against a bloodthirsty Christian Fury, who’s coming off a terrifying loss (of a title match, to boot) on Lockdown. OK. So there’s not much reason for this match. But they’re both very talented and trying to make the break from the midcard to the Main Event, so just let them kill each other, OK? Rules: What else? Standard-a-go-go. Word Limit: 5000 Send to: Suicide King CRUISER-WEIGHT TITLE MATCH W/ TEAMMATE AT RING SIDE MATCH!!! “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins w/ Todd Cortez vs. Ryan Dustin w/ Austin Sly Figure this one out yourselves, people. Spike successfully pinned Dustin on Lockdown in a tag match involving these four competitors. Now they fight. With their tag team members at ringside though… this should get wacky~! And you know, these two have a bit of history… who will prevail and be the Cruiserweight Champion at the end of the night!?!? Rules: Standard Singles. Countouts and DQ’s are in effect. Sly and Cortez cannot interfere in the match ‘lest they want to get they’re partnah’s asses capped like a motherfuckah, and stuff. Word Limit: 5500 Send to: chirs3 AND YOUR MAIN EVENT…. SPECIAL VETERAN’SBOILER ROOM BRAWL Annie Eclectic vs. Jamie Drazon Wowza. This should be good. A lot of people will say that neither of these two should really be Main Eventing a show at this point in their careers. But hey, they’ve been around longer than you, so shut up. Annie Eclectic has just made (another) return the SWF, and this is her sole chance to get herself RIGHT BACK into the MAIN EVENT! Wow. Quite a leap, there. Of course, the task set before her is impossible and everything, so that’s a minor problem. She must defeat the most Hardcore motherfucker (arguably) in SWF history, Jamie Drazon, and in a Boiler Room Brawl no less. If Annie loses, then I suppose she’s not quite ready and will have to take the long road up, but if she wins, she’s got herself lined up for a quick trip to the top of the card. Prove it to us all, oh flipping one. Rules: Both competitors start out in a dark, creepy, and all-around dangerous Boiler Room. Make up the backstage area as you wish. The wrestlers must make there way to the ring, using whatever means necessary to stop their opponent from doing the same. First one to enter through the ropes and into the center of the ring where Funyon is waiting with a blue ribbon that says “#1!” on it wins the match. You know you want that ribbon. Word Limit: 6000 Send To: Thoth

Preordered it like a week ago. Should come later this week. Yey. Poor guy. Probably not up to par with XO or Either/Or, but I'm still looking forward to it. Gotten pretty good reviews so far.