Smartly Pretty

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I got my match in

“Oh man, King,” Mak says, “It’s that time of year again. The Cold Front Classic…last year this solidified JJ Johnson as a main eventer. I can tell you right now there are 13 guys in that locker room who’d like to do the same, and two who’d like to win it again,” “Remember, Mak,” King says, “It begins with this match, doesn’t end with it,” In the ring already is a returning Michael Cross, Matt “Seneca Wallace” Myers, Devin Benson, Bruce Blank, Akira Kaibatsu, Nemesis, Nighthawk, Johnny Dangerous, Jimmy the Doom, Charlie Matthews, Tom Flesher, and The Beast, Gabriel Drake. Every light in the arena goes to full power as the Smarktron whites out. For a moment the only sound is that of a needle scratching over vinyl... And then *BAM* The heavy drumming of Norma Jean’s “Creating Something Out of Nothing, Only to Destroy It” blasts through the arena as the lyrics pierce the ears of everyone listening. “Like bringing a knife to a gun fight… Like Bringing A Knife To A Gun Fight… LIKE BRINGING A KNIFE TO A GUN FIGHT!” Bright white lights begin flashing at the entranceway. As the growls hit the crowd, Spike walks out wearing a black hoodie on, the hood covering most of his face. Spike drops down to one knee, leaving one arm to hang to the ground, while the other is firmly placed on his knee. After a few moments, Spike raises both arms into an “X”, symbolizing his Straight Edge life style. Spike rises to his feet and begins to make his way down the isle towards the ring. “The 13th entrant in the Cold Front Classic Battle Royal, hailing from The Kingdom of Cambodia, he is HOLLYYWOOOD…SPIKEEE…JEEENKIIINS!” Spike makes his way completely around the ring and rolls underneath the bottom rope. He continues rolling, hitting people’s feet until he hits dead center in the middle of the ring. Spike rises to one knee and resumes the position he was in at the top of the entranceway. One arm hanging to the ground, the other placed on his knee. Finally, Spike rises to his feet. He quickly peels off the hood, releasing his blonde, dyed hair free. He puts his arms together, forming an “X” across his chest, again promoting his Straight Edge life style. A few of Spike’s not-so-favorite people, namely Akira Kaibatsu, Gabriel Drake and Tom Flesher, give the straight edger a dirty look. HE HAS NOT CONFESSED, HE HAS MADE NO STATEMENT, CHARGES OF MURDER HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED AGAINST HIM. Two lights, one red, one white, flash in time with the two crushing opening notes of Fear Factory's "Scapegoat" before receding into blackness. Two more notes, two more lights. This continues as the song builds up, smoke beginning to seep out of the entranceway, the song getting quicker and quicker... RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! ...until it culminates, Burton C. Bell's roar rolling out of the speakers as the red-and-white lights continue to alternate, JJ Johnson emerging from the smoke before striding to the ring, going up the steps, stepping into the ring and stepping up to the second rope, throwing his arms wide in a crucifix pose. “the fourteenth entrant in the battle royal, hailing from Windsor Ontario Alberta Canada…J! J! JOOOHNSSOOOON! "Tell me exactly, what am I supposed to do Now that I have allowed you, to beat me! Do you think that we could play another game Maybe I could win this ti-ime." "I kinda like the misery you put me through Darling you can trust me, completely! If you even try to look the other way I think that I could kill this ti-ime!" "The Game" by Disturbed hits, as from behind the curtain steps Megan Skye, heralding the arrival of Landon who stops at the top of the ramp and thrusting his hands out to his side to boos. Landon likes to be the centre of attention and he'll make a grandious entrance, taunting and posturing as and when needed. “And finally from Huron South Dakota by way of Madrid Spain…LANDOOOOONN…MADDIIIIXXX!” Landon leaps to the apron, looking out at the crowd as Megan climbs the steps. Megan holds open the ropes and Landon bounds into the ring, spinning himself into the centre of the ring HBK style and posing with Megan. Megan quickly steps out of the ring, not wanting to be in there with 14 other guys who could kick her ass. “Alright King, I’m excited…this match is going to be incredible,” Mak shills. DING DING DING! Michael Cross and Akira Kaibatsu don’t waste any time. These two have a history, and they run right at each other and begin trading rights, almost ignoring the pain they are both enduring so they can continue to nail the other one. Spike Jenkins, the wily veteran, knows right away who he’d like to target, nailing Matt Myers in the gut with a signature spear! Blank and Nemesis stick together side by side, ready to right off anyone who wishes to target them in the early going of the match. It doesn’t work however, as Devin Benson sneaks up behind the monsters and nails them both in the back with a double dropkick. Blank and Nemesis fall to the mat, tumbling in all of their drunkenness. Benson gets to one knee and takes a quick moment for a personal fist pump – a rookie mistake that is soon picked up on by Johnny Dangerous, who nails Benson in the back of the head with a forearm. In the middle of the ring, Cross and Akira continue to go at it. Akira gets the upperhand for now with one of his famed European Uppercuts, and then follows it up with a stiff overhand chop. The Divine Wind grabs The Suicide Machine’s arm, and looks around the ring for an open space to irish whip. Unfortunately for Kaibatsu fans, there isn’t one, and Akira takes too long to maneuver. Cross takes advantage of this and takes The Divine Wind down with a short armed clothesline. Kaibatsu gets up right away, but is soon met with a 3/4 arm drag sending him to the other side of the ring, where Nighthawk is using his size advantage on Landon Maddix. Landon, a former Cold Front Classic winner, tries to throw forearms at the back of Nighthawk, but the much bigger Nighthawk simply scoops him up and drops him to the mat with a scoop slam. Landon isn’t the only one hitting the mat though, as Johnny Dangerous comes running behind him with a bulldog, planting Nighthawk into Landon. Devin Benson repays Johnny’s shot on him seconds earlier though, sneaking up on Dangerous and wrapping him in a rear waistlock. He flips him backwards for a German suplex, adding to the pile of bodies. “The action’s starting off really hot, and everything, Mak, but really, this ring is really cluttered. We need some eliminations.” “The match has been going on for about a minute, King. Give it some time,” Akira Kaibatsu kips up from the arm drag, and uses the momentum from the kip up to run into the ropes. He bounces back and drops to the mat, basement dropkicking Landon Maddix, which sends Maddix rolling over a few feet, and Nighthawk and Dangerous plummeting further to the mat. Maddix gets up right away, but stumbles a little bit, giving Jimmy The Doom just enough time to run over to him and nail him with a clothesline into the turnbuckle. Doom chops Landon hard in the chest, and follows that up by moving his legs so he’s sitting on the buckle. Doom throws one more knife edge chop, earning a woo from the crowd, but then jumps up into the air with an enzugii sending Landon maddix out! …to the apron…La Cucaracha holds onto the ropes as he falls, and Landon narrowly escapes an early elimination. “Phew…that was close” King sighs. “People had high expectations for Landon coming into the cold front classic…he saved him self from a lot of criticism with that move,” Tom Flesher, who up to this point has been quiet in the battle royal, sneaks up behind JJ, who is purposely being quiet in the battle royal, and nails him in the back of the head with an elbow. Johnson turns around, disgraced that Flesher would elbow him, the master of the elbow. Johnson comes roaring right back, nailing Flesh with an elbow to the jaw. It knocks Tom’s head sideways, and he rubs his chin a little bit before running back to the ropes. Tom bounces back and throws his palm forward slapping the taste out of JJ’s mouth with a shotei! The Canadian won’t go down like that though, so he runs to the ropes as Tom did, and bruises Tom with another elbow! The Superior One answers right back with a knife edged chop, and before Johnson gets a chance to answer back, The Beast, Gabriel Drake comes out of nowhere, grabs both wrestlers’ faces with his palm, and drives them to the ground with a double pie face STO! YEEAAAHHH! “Big move from The Beast! He may not have finished the Elimination Chamber in the fashion he would have liked, but he’s got to be a favorite in this match, Mak.” “If he keeps pulling out moves like that, I think he’s a pretty good pick to win the entire tournament,” Nemesis and Jimmy The Doom are now going at it in the middle of the ring, with the 7’4 Colossus in major control. He throws clubbing forearms at the Doomtopian’s back, stomping on him once the strikes took him to the ground. Matt Myers tried to get in on the action and ran at Nemesis, attempting a lariat, but to no avail as Nemesis simply ducked, and flipped him backwards with a back body drop. He then picks up Jimmy the Doom, and grabs him from the side. He lifts him up, and drops him down, slamming him to the mat with The Long Hard Drop! Everyone in the ring shakes after the movement the Long Hard Drop caused. Doom lies in the center of the ring, sprawled out from back pain. Nemesis picks up The Hardcore champion and drags him over to the side of the ring. He then lifts him up gorilla press style…and goes flying through the ring, dropping Jimmy The Doom! ”NEMESIS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED”, shouts a surprised Funyon. “Gabriel Drake just dropkicked Nemesis in the back as he was about to eliminate Jimmy The Doom!” Mak shouts. “But because of that he dropped Jimmy,” King points out, “If he had waited five seconds he would have only had to deal with 13 people. It’s still 14 now,” Michael Cross and Akira Kaibatsu meet each other in the ring one more time, and their history sparks something once again and the two tie up violently. The strength of the tie up eventually leads them to the turnbuckle, where they let go of the grapple and begin to throw strikes. Cross throws knife edged chops hard at Akira’s chest, Kaibatsu throws European Uppercuts to The Suicide Machine’s jaw. It is then when Devin Benson comes flying into the picture. Jimmy The Doom was in the process of getting to his feet, and Benson came running towards him, jumping off his back, nailing both Akira and Cross with a missile dropkick!! RAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH “Devin Benson…this kid is EXCITING, King! Look how easily he gets the crowd pumped up!” “Yeah, I guess he’s a good high flyer, but do you really think he’s got a shot to win the tournament?” “We’ll find out!” Matt “Seneca Wallace” Myers and Bruce Blank are going at it in the middle of the ring, with Myers getting in a lot more offense than expected of him. He runs back at the ropes and bounces off, jumping towards the redneck, grabbing his head, swinging in mid-air, driving Blank’s head to the ground with a Tornado DDT! “Look at MATT MYERS!” Mak laughs. “The guy hasn’t won a match in a couple of YEARS and he’s taking it to the guy who has a reputation for being more ultra violent than anyone in the fed!” Michael Cross forgets about Akira for a second, choosing instead to concentrate on Devin Benson, so Akira runs over to JJ Johnson. “Looks like Akira and JJ are about to go at it…these two have history, I don’t think anyone will forget the complete ass kicking JJ gave him that involved Akira taking ADF II,” “I think Akira would like to forget it…” JJ doesn’t let Kaibatsu get the upper hand, throwing a quick elbow at Akira’s cheek, and then Irish Whipping him into the ropes. Akira bounces back with a lot of speed, and JJ catches him, throwing him back with a railgun suplex. JJ overthrows it though, and Akira has time to add an additional rotation to it. Akira lands on the second rope, bounces back and nails JJ in the face with Kamikaze Rush! “JJ hadn’t used that Railgun suplex in quite some time, I guess he tried to throw Akira off a little bit, and it backfired big time!” King says. “Look at Akira go! He’s not stopping with JJ!” Mak points out. Mak is right, too. Akira turns around right after hitting the Kamikaze Rush, and nails a Super Kick on Charlie Matthews! The Superkick stuns him for a few seconds and gives Kaibatsu a chance to grab his head in a 3/4 chauncery, run up the ropes…and flip backwards for The Divine Wind! …but he doesn’t manage to fall to the ground and hit the maneuver, as Landon Maddix positions himself under Akira, catching him on his shoulder. He let’s Akira go a little bit, letting him slide down his back, but then quickly puts Akira in a cravat of his own, and runs up the back of The Grappler, flipping backwards (shoving Grappler into the turnbuckle in the process) and sitting out for Laberinto’s Revenge! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! “Landon nails Laberinto’s Revenge on Akira!” King yells. “Oh man, imagine how EMBARRASED Akira must be right now…Akira just got dumped with a superior shiranui.” “I’m pretty sure he’s feeling more pain than embarrassment, King,” Nighthawk sees Grappler trapped in the turnbuckle and sprints up towards him. He picks up the lighter Matthews and places him on the top turnbuckle before ascending it himself. He puts Matthews in a front facelock, and goes for Power Drive, but Grappler punches Nighthawk in the gut, refusing to let him hit the move. Then, Bruce Blank makes his way into the scene, climbing the turnbuckle himself. He wraps his arms around Nighthawks waist. Blank falls to the floor with Nighthawk, flipping him backwards for a German Suplex, who flips Grappler backwards for a suplerplex!! YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! “Oh my god, what a move! German Suplex/Superplex combination! Grappler and Nighthawk could be down for a WHILE” Mak shouts. Devin Benson, always looking for a pop, knows just what to do in this situation, and heads right over to the turnbuckle. He faces the crowd, posturing and posing before he flips backwards, spinning 360 degrees in mid-air, about to hit the abdomen of Nighthawk…until The Beast Gabriel Drake comes along, and catches him in mid-air! The Beast runs over to the ropes and dumps the rookie over the ropes. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ”DEVIN BENSON HAS BEEN ELIMINATED” Funyon yells. “Drake eliminates his second of the Cold Front Classic!” King says. “If this is any indication of how he’ll do in the tournament, we could be looking at FUTURE WORLD CHAMP Gabriel Drake,” “Winning whole matches is a lot harder than simply throwing someone over the top rope. Hell, look at a guy like Jay Hawke. He’s practically a featherweight, he’d never be able to throw someone over the top rope, but he had more days with the title than the number of pounds he weighed.” Tom Flesher stalks Akira Kaibatsu from behind. The Divine Wind finally gets up, and turns around, only to be met with an Irish Whip into the ropes. The Japanese star bounces off the ropes and Flesher wraps his arms around him, flipping him in the air for a railgun suplex, the second Akira’s taken in the match! Flesher then turns his attention to Johnny Dangerous, who just took JJ down with Spinal Explosion. Tom grabs him in a front facelock and lifts him up front suplex style. Flesher tries to send him over the top rope frontways, but Dangerous maintains enough control to make sure he lands on the apron. Flesher half-way expected this outcome, and immediately swings a big forearm at Dangerous, but The Barracuda ducks underneath it, and shoulders The Superior One in the gut. The Secret Agent then grabs Flesher suplex style in hopes to upset the former world champ and eliminate him early, but Tom makes sure that doesn’t happen and blocks the suplex. Instead, Dangerous knees The Superior One in the gut, and shoves him away a few feet. Dangerous leaps up, bounces off the top rope, and nails Flesher in the chest with a springboard dropkick! YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! “Springboard dropkick from Dangerous! Flesher hits the mat hard!” Mak shouts. Flesher fell right on his ass, and before he can get up, ‘Iron’ Mike Cross comes running into picture, stepping up, nailing Flesher in the back of the head with an enzugiri! YEEEEEAAAAAHHHH! “Flesher is on the ropes! He can’t get any offense going!” Mak shouts. “He’s got to get it together if he wants to make it to the tournament.” Charlie Matthews finally reaches his feet after taking the brunt of that German Suplex Superplex combination, only to be met with Jimmy The Doom punches. Jimmy then grabs Grappler at the throat and lifts him up, going for the Jimmy Bomb, but is suddenly hit with the unpleasant pain of a low blow from Tom Flesher, who was hit with the Mike Cross enzugiri right behind him. As Doom falls, Flesher slowly pushes him out of the ring, shrugging. He says something to Grappler the looks like “gotta start somewhere” but you can’t really hear him. ”JIMMY THE DOOM HAS BEEN ELIMINATED” Funyon belts into the microphone. “Aw, come on. That’s terrible.” Mak questions Tom Flesher’s ethics. “Hey, it’s perfectly legal in a battle royal,” King says. Spike Jenkins runs towards Johnny Dangerous with a jumping Yakuza Kick, but The Secret Agent has the presence of mind to duck out of the way, and slide behind Jenkins. He grabs The Straight Edger around the waist, and lifts him going for a German Suplex, but Spike plants his feet, and rolls behind Dangerous. He then grabs Johnny by the head in a reverse front face lock. He swings to the left and plants The Barracuda’s face on the mat with The Fall of Rome! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! “Jenkins hits the fall of Rome on Dangerous!” King shouts. “Dangerous takes another big move!” but before King can continue to shill Spike Jenkins, Bruce Blank comes running towards The Straight Edger and nails him in the back of the head with a forearm, sending Spike to the ground. The violent redneck picks up Spike by his dirty blonde hair and throws a quick forearm at his cheek. He then whips him into the ropes and catches Spike after bouncing back inbetween his legs, flipping him for a power slam. “Big Powerslam from Bruce Blank there! Bruce always seems to surprise people in big matches like this…who knows, King? Maybe Blank can surprise us once again,” “oh, come on, Mak. Who’s he beaten? Akira Kaibatsu? Insane Luchadore?” Blank picks up Spike once again by his hair, but is interrupted before he can inflict more damage, by Akira Kaibatsu, who comes flying at The Trailer Park Messiah with a European Uppercut to the jaw. Akira runs back at the ropes, bounces back, and nails Blank in the face with a Yakuza Kick! YEEEAAAAAAAHH! “Akira nails Blank with a Yakuza kick!! He’s quickly gaining momentum on the biggest guy left in the match!” Mak screams. Akira runs back at the ropes one more time, bounces back, and nails Blank in the face with one more Yakuza Kick, driving him into the ropes. He then steps back a little bit, and jumps forward, driving his boot into Blank’s chin with a super kick, hoping to send him over the top! Blank hangs on thought, but not by much. It becomes a little bit harder though, when Spike Jenkins comes running over and helps Akira attempt to shove Blank over. “Look at this, Mak! Spike and Akira hate each other, but they’re united for a single cause: getting Bruce Blank out of the fucking ring,” King laughs. Even together, Spike and Akira can’t get Blank out of the ring. However, they are soon joined by Seneca Wallace in the pushing. Blank holds onto the ropes as tight as he can, but Spike, Akira and Matt Myers push their hardest. When this STILL isn’t enough, Myers decides to let go, and try a new strategy—picking Blank up by his feet. Blank continues to fight back though, and simply kicks Myers in the chest, shoving him away. Things get ugly though, when Gabriel Drake, disgusted with Akira Spike and Myer’s inability to eliminate Blank, joins the situation. He shoves Akira and Spike to the side, and nails Bruce in the jaw with a huge right hand! He then scoops The Redneck Superman up, and drops him over the ropes! YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH! ”BRUCE BLANK HAS BEEN ELIMINATED” Funyon screams. “Look at Gabriel Drake take care of business!” King says. “This man is on a tear!” “Look at the way he’s dealing with everyone, though. He wanted no part of that pile up…he just threw everyone out of the way, and eliminated a HUGE Bruce Blank with a SCOOP SLAM with ease. He’s for real in this tournement,” Jenkins gets up almost immediately from the shove Drake gave him, and sprints over towards JJ Johnson and Tom Flesher, who have begun trading strikes again. Jenkins, who used to team with Johnson, begins throwing chops at Flesher, who all of the sudden cannot take all of the strikes at once. Luckily for him, his tag team partner comes to his rescue, as he runs towards the scene and kicks Johnson in the gut. Grappler then butterflies Johnsons arms, and drops him to the mat with a double arm DDT! YEEEAAHHHH! “The ball is in Flesher and Grappler’s court after that double arm ddt!” King says. Grappler then punches Spike square in the jaw, and lifts him up suplex style. He spins him around, looking for the Wake Up Call, but Jenkins slips out of it, landing behind Matthews. That doesn’t really do Spike any good however, as that only gives Flesher the opportunity to lock in a double chicken wing! Grappler then turns around and begins to throw punches at Spike’s jaw while hanging in the chickenwing. “Spike is absolutely defenseless in that chickenwing, King! He’s taking a ton of abuse from Grappler and there’s nothing he can do about it…and while I can’t speak for the fans…I’m enjoying it,” The Franchise laughs. “Yeah, this is pretty entertaining, I must say. This match is turning out pretty awesome,” Flesher is forced to break up the chicken wing though, as Nighthawk comes up from behind him and nails him with a missile dropkick, a move not often seen from the big man. Grappler takes serious offense to Nighthawk’s actions, and throws a mean right hand at him. Nighthawk responds with a right hand of his own. Nighthawk throws one more punch, and then grabs Matthews by the throat, lifting him up for a chokeslam. Grappler fights while in the air though, not letting Nighthawk eliminate him. Michael Cross then comes flying in from out of nowhere, jumps up, gets a handful of Grappler’s head, and brings him to the ground with a bulldog! Cross then gets up right away, and throws a big knife edged chop at Nighthawk. Akira Kaibatsu comes up from behind Nighthawk, and pushes him into Cross, who ducks, and uses all the strength he has to back body drop the much bigger Nighthawk over the ropes. YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH! ”NIGHTHAWK HAS BEEN ELIMINATED” Funyon announces. “Oooh, Akira and Cross showing a little bit of teamwork in Nighthawk’s elimination there,” Mak says. Almost as if just to prove Mak wrong, Akira rushes right at Michael Cross and dives on top of him, throwing forearms, mounted on top of him. Cross rolls over and is now on top of the mount and begins throwing forearms at Kaibatsu. “Well, so much for that,” King says. “It’s a shame…these two could have been tag team legends. They only lost once as a tag team…interesting that never worked out…” “Even more interesting, Francis, is that Akira only seems to remember it when he confronts Cross. It looks like he’s trying to ignore the history between the two, but just can’t” Over in the opposite corner of the ring, Johnny Dangerous has Landon Maddix lined up in the corner, and throws knife edged chops. He throws just one too many though, an Landon ducks underneath, and the two switch roles. Landon tries his hand at throwing knife edged chops, but it doesn’t work out very well, and the two once again swap positions. This time, Johnny climbs to the second rope, and begins throwing punches from the top, having the crowd count along. ONE! SMASH! TWO! SMASH! THREE! SMASH! FOUR! SMASH! FIVE! But the punching ends there, and not because The Secret Agent wanted them to. The Beast, who has been just that in this match, a beast, sneaks up Dangerous, and places his head underneath Johnny, in an electric chair position. Drake then climbs to the second rope, with Johnny still on his shoulders…and then drops Johnny to the floor with an electric chair drop! RRRRRRRAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! “DRAKE JUST DUMPED DANGEROUS OVER WITH AN ELECTRIC CHAIR!” Mak shouts. “DANGEROUS IS BLEEDING PROFUSELY ON THE OUTSIDE! ”JOHNNY DANGEROUS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!” Drake jumps off the turnbuckle, but as soon as he does so, Matt Myers jumps in his place, throwing punches at Landon Maddix. “I guess when you’re Matt Myers, you take any offense you can get,” King says. “…I still can’t get over that last move from Drake…did you see that King? Did you friggin’ see that?” Tom Flesher walks over to the corner of Landon and Myers, and throws Seneca Wallace off of Landon. Tom positions him right in front of the turnbuckle. The Superior One then climbs to the top of the turnbuckle, and places his knee into the back of Landon’s head. He then drives The Cockroach down for a calf branding…into Myer’s crotch… BOOOOOOOOOO! “Jesus, King, that’s the 2nd time today Tom’s resorted to low blows…c’mon, yeah they’re cheap and all but they’re pretty lame too,” “Hey, it’s effective and likely going to get him seeded. That’s good enough for him,” On the other side of the ring, Charlie Matthews sprints over towards Gabriel Drake, and nails him in the back of the head with a clothesline, sending Drake to his knees. Grappler continues to throw punches at the back of The Beast’s head, but Drake won’t take it anymore. He thrusts back up to his feet with fury, and throws a huge right hand to Grapplers jaw, sending spit flying everywhere. The Beast then lifts Matthews up onto his shoulders, and flips him around, dropping him on his chin with The Mark of The Beast! Drake hardly gets any time to celebrate hitting his finishing maneuver though, as Matt Myers runs across the ring, and sends The Beast out with a missile dropkick!! YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! ”GABRIEL DRAKE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED” Funyon shouts to a SHOCKED Cow Palace crowd. “DRAKE IS ELIMIANTED SEVENTH BY MATT MYERS!” Mak screams. “Drake doesn’t even qualify for the tournament!” Myers’ eyes are wide, even he can’t believe he just eliminated The Beast. He can’t quite celebrate though, as JJ Johnson walks right over to him, and nails an elbow right at his chin. He throws one more, before casually dumping him over the rope. ”MATT MYERS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED” Funyon announces. “Talk about Cinderella!” Mak says. “He may have been eliminated…but man, Myers has shocked a lot of people here tonight,” JJ rolls his shoulders, and walks over towards Tom Flesher, who he’s been on and off with all match, and throws another of his signature elbows. Flesher responds with a forearm, followed by a whip into the ropes. JJ bounces back, and Flesher tries to take The Canadian down with a short armed clothesline, but Johnson slides through his legs, and grabs Flesher in a rear waistlock, putting his head at Flesher’s side. Johnson then lifts backwards, going for a Backdrop Driver…but Flesher doesn’t let JJ take him down. Flesher tightens his grip on JJ, turning the suplex attempt into a side headlock. JJ then backs up into the ropes, and shoves The Superior One off his head. Flesher runs towards the ropes, and bounces back, but is soon cut off by “The Divine Wind” who came running into the picture with a European Uppercut, knocking Flesher back a few feet. Johnson sprints to the back of Kaibatsu, before he can follow up on Flesher, grabbing him around the waist, and flipping him back with a German Suplex! BOOOOOOOOOOOO! Back towards the other side of the ring, Spike Jenkins is in control of Landon Maddix, throwing punches his way constantly. Maddix fights back to the best of his ability, throwing a knife edged chop, and locking Jenkins in a cravat. Landon then flips Hollywood Spike forward with a snapmare, and throws his feet forward for a dropkick to the back of the head, but Spike rolls out of the way. Jenkins then picks Landon up and rolls him upwards going for the Ratings Crash! Landon picks himself up though, not allowing Spike to drop him down, and throws a punch at Spike’s head from up top. Landon then takes a small hop on Spike’s head, and wraps his feet around his head. He flips backwards, and sends Spike flying over the top rope! YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! ”SPIKE JENKINS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED” Funyon booms into the mic. “7 seed for Spike…I mean, at least he got in, but you KNOW the 2 seed is going to be someone good,” King comments. Michael Cross picks up Grappler, who was still on the ground from that Piggy back stunner from Gabriel Drake. Cross takes Grappler’s head and shoves it down towards his knees, and Iron Mike throws his knees at the forehead of Grappler. Hints of red can be found on The Suicide Machine’s knee with each blow, and with each and every strike Grappler becomes more and more dependent on Cross holding his head to remain standing. Cross is on the verge of knocking out Grappler, but he doesn’t get a chance to do that, as JJ Johnson climbs the turnbuckle behind him, leaps off and nails him in the back of the head with a European Uppercut! Cross falls to the ground, but so does Grappler, making the pool of blood beneath him even bigger. Cross gets up, some of Grappler’s blood staining his tights, and throws a knife edged chop at Johnson. The Canadian Murder Machine answers right back with a chop of his own, leaving a big red mark on his chest. This only seems to infuriate Cross, and he violently slams JJ’s head down, and begins throwing more alternating knee strikes! Cross gets in three knees before Johnson fights out of Cross’ grasp with a black eye to show for it. JJ then holds Cross’ head close to him and begins throwing elbows at the chin of the suicide machine! The sound of the crushing blows is only matched by the sound of the crowd, as Akira Kaibatsu comes flying – literally- to the two with a springboard dropkick to both men! YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHH! A-KIRA-A! A-KIR-A! “Akira Kaibatsu’s doing his best to go far in this match…but honestly, with his record of late, just getting into the tournament is a cause for celebration,” King chortles. “Hey, he earned International Title contendership,” Mak comments. Landon Maddix creeps up behind Tom Flesher, who is just now getting up from that European Uppercut earlier. The Superior One turns around and Landon was prepared for it, running right up at him, stepping up his knee and nailing him with a shining wizard! Landon ascends the top rope immediately afterwards. He leaps off as the cameras at the cow palace all go off at the same time. The Cockroach spreads his wings, and drops his head right on the torso of The Superior One for a swandive headbutt! YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH “Swandive Headbutt!” Mak calls. “Landon shows us his flashier side,” “As if Landon isn’t always trying to show us his flashy side?” Landon decides not to try and dump Tom over the top rope, but instead to move on to Grappler, who is still on the mat from those knee strikes Cross gave him. Landon picks up Grappler, who seems to be almost unconscious. Landon uses almost all of his strength to dump Grappler over the top rope, but this is quite obviously unsuccessful. Instead, Landon tries draping his legs over the top rope and pushing him from the apron. Landon gets Matthews to the apron, but he can’t push him over, as Grappler finds the state of mine to hang on by the ropes. Landon throws a right hand at Grappler, but Grappler is quickly regaining stability, and fights La Cucaracha off. He throws a right hand of his own, and Landon stumbles back a few feet. Grappler’s not home free though, as Michael Cross comes running over, and grabs his head once again, this time through the ropes, and begins nailing more knee strikes! Cross nails two in succession, widening Grappler’s already very bad cut, and then let’s go. Grappler stumbles around on the apron, but this isn’t good enough for the returning Cross, and he grabs him one more time, and nails the biggest knee strike of the match, sending Grappler off the apron with ease!! ”CHARLIE MATTHEWS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED” Funyon shouts. “It was a good run for Matthews…that man took a TON of punishment this match,” King says. Landon gets up from the hard punch he took from Grappler, and is immediately met by Tom Flesher. Flesher whips La Cucaracha into the ropes, and Maddix bounces back. Flesher drops down to the mat, letting Maddix skip over him. Before Maddix can bounce off the other rope, he is caught by JJ Johnson who throws him backwards with a belly to belly suplex! Johnson picks up La Cucaracha immediately afterwards, and Tom let’s Johnson bother with him. JJ throws a big elbow, and then tries to whip him into the turnbuckle, but Landon reverses it and sends JJ into the buckle. The Canadian Murder Machine then leaps up onto the top rope, and jumps backwards, spinning in mid air, nailing Landon with a gamengiri! “Gamengiri!” The Franchise shouts. “Maddix is going to be feeling that tomorrow!” “This is a big opportunity for Johnson…he’s got to make something of this,” Johnson picks up Landon by his blonde hair once again, and throws an elbow to the jaw. Johnson then packs Landon beneath his legs, and lifts him up, going for his folding powerbomb. Landon, for the 2nd time this match atop someone’s head, throws punches at Johnson’s head, stopping hi from breaking him in half. JJ does his best to ignore these punches however, and continues to throw Landon down. As he does this, though, Akira Kaibatsu comes flying again with a springboard front dropkick, nailing JJ in the back, pushing him forward as he delivers the powerbomb, sending Maddix over the top rope! ”LANDON MADDIX HAS BEEN ELIMINATED” Funyon booms into the microphone. “Landon might luck out here, Mak,” King says, “Akira and Cross are still in this match, he might not get a bad matchup,” “Akira and Cross aren’t pushovers…did you see those knee strikes Cross was delivering earlier? Charlie Matthews is NOT going to be 100% for his match in the tournament,” “Are you going to tell me you wouldn’t pick Akira or Cross over JJ or Tom?” “No, I’m not saying that at all, but—“ “Exactly.” JJ Johnson is a little bit stunned after taking the springboard front dropkick, and Michael Cross tries to take advantage of this. He grabs JJ in a dragon sleeper, and lifts him up, and twists. He tries to drop him in a cuter for the Silent Rage Syndrome but The Canadian Murder Machine shoves him off. JJ whips Iron Mike into the opposite ropes, and the Suicide Machine bounces back, lifting his knee up trying to nail JJ in the face, but Johnson quickly dodges the attack, resulting in Cross hanging himself up on the ropes! Johnson pushes him forward, trying to shove him out, but Iron Mike hangs onto the ropes, and throws his foot through the middle rope, kicking JJ in the side. This buys him a second of time to take his right arm off the rope and nail JJ in the head with an elbow, which buys him the time to step back into the ring. YEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH! “CLOSE call for Iron Mike Cross right there! He was just one elbow away from having to wrestle a former world champion in his opening round matchup.” The other battle going on right now, Tom and Akira, heats up quickly, as The Superior One cradles Kaibatsu’s leg going for a Fisherman’s Suplex, but Kaibatsu throws punches to Flesher’s gut, not allowing him to hit the suplex. Kaibatsu wrestles his leg free of The Superior One’s grasp, and then backs up a step. He regains the step quickly as he nails Flesher in the head with a Superkick! This stuns Tom for just enough time to grab him in a cravat. Akira runs up the nearest turnbuckle and backflips, but Flesher has the precense of mind to spin as Akira flips, and shove him off his head. Akira gets up right away, and Tom tries to hit him with a clothesline, but Kaibatsu ducks underneath. Flesher turns right back around, not one of his wiser decisions, as Akira butterflies his arms, and lifts him up, spins him to the left, and plants him into the mat with It Came From Sendai!!! “It Came From Sendai! Akira just got the best of Tom Flesher!” Mak says. “I wouldn’t go that far…in a real match, I’m pretty sure Flesh would kick out of that,” Back with Cross and Johnson, JJ is patient in waiting for Cross to get back in the ring. JJ figures there’s no hurry, and he’ll probably out wrestle Cross anyway. Initially, this strategy appears to be not so great, as Iron Mike takes JJ down with a lariat. Cross follows it up right away with a double stomp to JJ’s head. Cross then goes up to the top turnbuckle. “Uh-oh…looks like Iron Mike wants JJ to Go to Hell,” Mak says. Cross jumps off, gaining a ton of hang time in mid air, slightly crouching. Just before his feet touch the ground, The Canadian Murder Machine slides to his left, and then sweeps Cross’ feet as soon as they touch the ground. Johnson then grabs Cross’ left foot, and slides him over, locking in a high angle boston crab, and takes his other foot and plants it on the back of Cross’ head. Johnson doesn’t get to keep it in very long though, as Akira Kaibatsu comes up from behind Johnson and nails him in the back of the head with a Yakuza Kick! YEEEAAAAAAHHHHH! “Akira with the Yakuza Kick to Johnson,” King calls, “Akira’s gonna need to hit a few of those if he wants to come out on top of this one,” Kaibatsu then goes up to the closes rope and grabs the top one. He leaps up, and bounces his legs on them, backflipping, landing on Johnson’s abdomen with the Arabian Moonsault. He can’t follow up on that very well though, as Flesher runs up to him and nails him in the chin with a shotei! “There’s the Flesher we know and love…knocking the taste out of people’s mouths,” King laughs. Tom picks Akira up by his hair, and then whips him into the ropes, but Akira jumps up onto the second rope, and leaps backwards turning in mid air, throwing his foot out for Kamikaze Rush! …and landing on the mat, as Flesher saw it coming a mile away. “Silly Akira…thinking he can outsmart Tom Flesher,” Iron Mike gets up from the high angle crab and brings JJ with him by the beard. Cross brings JJ down by the beard, and begins to throw more of the knee strikes that got him this far in the match! Unfortunately for Cross fans, JJ catches one of Cross’ knees, which allows JJ to set up for an exploder…but that’s not good enough for JJ at this point…he drops The Suicide Machine on his head with an Exploder ’98! BOOOOOOOOOOO! “Drops him on his head! Cross is NOT going to recover from that, and JJ is going to handle this elimination with ease,” King says. And JJ does that, dragging Iron Mike to the side of the ring, picking him up scoop slam style…but then all of the sudden, JJ does Cross a favor. He doesn’t eliminate him just yet. The Canadian Murder Machine draws Cross’ head towards him and begins throwing a alternating knee strikes! “hahaha! JJ’s throwing alternating knee strikes before he dumps Cross over the top rope! Oh man, that’s hilarious!” King laughs. “You have an interesting sense of humor, King…” After four or five of the alternating knee strikes, JJ once again scoops Iron Mike up, and drops him over the ropes, ending The Suicide Machine’s night. ”MICHAEL CROSS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED” Funyon shouts. “Ladies and gentleman, we have our first official matchup announced! Landon Maddix vs Michael Cross!” Mak says. “Landon’ll kick his ass,” King says in a rather know-it-all tone. As soon as Cross is eliminated, Tom Flesher takes a step back, and takes a seat on the turnbuckle, leaving Akira and JJ to go at it. The two accept this and circle each other. They know each other well. In their first meeting Akira was forced to submit to Frostbite I. Then Akira fell victim to a stepover facelock, relinquishing the tag team titles he and Michael Cross had worked so hard to retrieve only two weeks earlier the Lethal Lottery Final. Then JJ dropped Akira on his head with ADF II to defeat him…and only recently did Akira finally get the monkey off his back, defeating JJ with a 450 splash. JJ and Akira lock up in the center of the ring, JJ getting the upperhand quickly, wrenching Akira’s arm. Johnson throws a quick kick to Kaibatsu’s gut before whipping him into the ropes. Akira bounces back, and JJ drops to the ground, so Akira skips over him, and bounces off of the other ropes. Akira then jumps up onto JJ’s torso as he comes up and spins around tornado style…but JJ keeps him in place, holding him upside down, dropping him on his head for ADF II. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! “JJ Hits ADF II on Akira! Akira’s got to be out cold!” Mak says. “Look at JJ! He’s staring down Tom Flesher!” King points out. Flesher accepts JJ’s non verbal challenge and steps down from the turnbuckle. The Superior One holds out his hand for a Greco-roman knuckle lock, which JJ gladly takes. JJ is a bit bulkier than Tom and takes the test of strength battle sending Flesher down to the mat. Flesher then lifts up his legs and places them on Johnson’s abdomen, using that to push JJ off him. Flesher then runs at JJ and nails a lariat! “Flesher with the early advantage in this dream matchup,” Mak says. Johnson kips up and faces Tom once again. Johnson then runs into the ropes, bounces back and jumps up, trying to hit his flying knee, but Tom (barely) gets out of the way. The Superior One pushes Johnson into the turnbuckle from behind, and begins to thrust his shoulder into the back of The Canadian Murder Machine. Tom stops and then wraps his arms around JJ and flips him back for a German Suplex, but JJ is agile enough to backflip out of it. Flesher turns around and tries to throw a clothesline at JJ, but Johnson ducks, and lifts Tom onto his shoulders. He then drops Tom and nails him in the face with his knee as he falls, sending Tom into the turnbuckle with Oyasumi Nasai! YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHH! “JJ hit his move that’s practically impossible to pronounce!” King shouts. “JJ may upset the former world champion!” The Canadian Murder Machine grabs the head of The Superior One and holds it in place for him to throw elbows at. Tom’s head bounces back with each strike to the jaw, only standing because of the turnbuckle behind him. JJ backs up a few feet, and then sprints right at Flesher nailing him in the jaw with an elbow once again! SMAAAAASSSSSSSHHHHHHHH!!!! “Running elbow to the face! He just busted Tom wide open!” Mak shouts. “JJ is on a roll!” JJ is in the zone and backs up once again. He sprints over towards Tom’s corner once again and throws his elbow out…and gets NOTHING! Tom ducks underneath! Tom starts throwing slaps at JJ like crazy! Right! Left! JJ’s spit is flying across the ring! Flesher lifts JJ up and places him atop the turnbuckle, and grabs him in a front facelock! “Oh my god, King! Tom’s going for The Boilermaker! He’s going to drop JJ on his head from the top!” JJ doesn’t let Tom do that without a fight though, and he throws punches at Flesher’s gut. Flesher lifts JJ up a little but JJ grabs a hold of the turnbuckle and refuses to be dropped on his head. Flesher makes one last heave at the Boilermaker putting all his strength into the lift, but it proves worthless…as Akira Kaibatsu comes flying across the ring with a dropkick, sending both men out of the ring!!!! YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! DING DING DING! “LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, HERE IS YOUR WINNER, AND #1 SEED…THE DIVINE WIND…AKIRAAAAAA KAIIBATSUUUUUUU!” “Akira wins it! Akira’s the first seed in the tournament!” Mak shouts, “He’s on his way to a world title shot!” “Akira may be #1, but who’s #2 and who’s #3?” “Let’s check out the instant replay…” [sWF INSTANT REPLAY] A replay of the final dropkick of the match shows in the smarktron, and we get a ringside view of JJ and Tom’s fall, where Tom’s shoulder seems to hit the ground just a split second before JJ’s legs do [sWF INSTANT REPLAY] “Tom is #3…and JJ is #2…Mak, do you realize what that means?” “…Not really…” “Grappler and Flesher are former tag champs, as are Spike and JJ…and they’ll both be opening round matchups!” King shouts. And with that line, AftershoxxXxxXXXxxX fades out.

Matzo Ball soup goes unmentioned? Pshaw. Progresso has sucessfully ruined their Beef Barley soup, which was amazing, by making it "hearty". Seriously, who the fuck wants a chunky soup? the broth is the best part of soup.

I got it the second time.

WC: disagreeing with the principle that they're active so they deserve the spot. I understand where you're coming from but I think having myers last so long actually made the match better Bruce: that certainly sounds like "apeshit"

JJ and I rep the gangsta filled suburbs of Toronto and Jacksonville Florida. REPRESENT~! THE MAIN EVENT - SWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Michael Stephens ©©© and Landon Maddix © vs. The Predators (Jay Hawke and Nighthawk) --2SWG, because I think Nighthawk disapeared. COLD FRONT CLASSIC - FIRST ROUND MATCH "The Superior One" Tom Flesher (3) vs. Johnny Dangerous © (6) -It's hard to pick against Tom Flesher COLD FRONT CLASSIC - FIRST ROUND MATCH "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins (5) vs. "The Divine Wind" Akira Kaibatsu (4) -It's also hard to come up with something witty to say in your own prediction. Pure Rules Exhibition JJ Johnson vs. Devin Benson -If Benson hadn't disappeared, I'd go with him out of spite for JJ stealing my "constantly ask for pure rules" shtick. But, you know, hay hay amz bench truck, so him. HARDCORE MATCH (non title) "The Beast" Gabriel Drake vs. Jimmy the Doom © -Drake said he was jazzed up for singles...does this count? I give it to him. CLASH OF THE COMEBACKS Insane Luchador vs. Zyon -If Zyon knows what's good for him he'll show and win. Though I'm fairly certain showing and medical health are unrelated.

Blank quit, you know. Unless he's Nemesis, which is possible. quit or not the man is trying to tell you something about the match here so maybe focus on that point instead? Calm down...I'm respectfully disagreeing with his point, and choosing not to have an argument over it...don't have to go ape shit...

Blank quit, you know. Unless he's Nemesis, which is possible.

which isn't nessecarily a bad thing

Nate Webb came out to Teenage Dirtbag right? RIGHT?!

new schedule

Some JJ guy. Who's he?

I'm fucking psyched.

sold bwahahah @ 6 tuning pegs for five buttons

Raynor, you silly goose, still pending hasn't signed on in months!

then how about an aborted child.

I want the rights to an absurd game show.

Did Johnny die? I sent him something. Granted, something was 1k an hour before the original deadline, but he could have at least sent that in

You owe us a show at the RexPlex for this

Don't you know that Shaq, Payton and Zo aren't hungry or some such nonsense? On a serious note, they should be huge favorites to at least make it to the Finals. I don't know why everyone keeps up with the assumption that the great teams in the West somehow benefit from killing each other in the postseason and should dance to the title at the end. Lost in this over rating madness of the Mavs, Spurs and Suns are the Nets, who could actually be fucking awesome this year. The heat'll probably make the finals, but I imagine it'll be a tighter race then you two would hope. that could be my fanboy talking.

Bloc Party fucking rocks

Well, Surfer Rosa and Doolittle came out before I was born, but Trompe Le Monde and Bossanova came out while I was alive.

Pixies reference? I love you p.s. I'm so going to U-mass

Caps lock is for gheys