JHawk

I don't remember Bill Watts ever banning a piledriver. You're thinking Memphis and how it was a Tennessee state law to ban the piledriver.

Cruiserweight Rules: 20-count on the floor. Throwing an opponent over the top rope is an automatic DQ. Did I miss anything?

I suppose I should actually do this, huh? SWF Favorite Writer(s)? WC's stuff always perfectly in my head, but Toxxic's stuff is what made me decide to go ahead and join the SWF in the first place. Favorite Match(es)? Calvinball I & II, Landon-Cortez Casino Brawl, Blank-J3 toy store match Favorite Promo(s)? Don't really have a favorite. Favorite Character(s)? I'm getting much more into the Wes Davenport character than I ever expected. Perfect from a wrestling sense. Favorite Spot(s)? One I wrote, where Hawke blocked a superplex and sent his opponent forward and to the floor. I can't remember the opponent (I wrote the spot three times before a match I used it in actually won). Favorite Move Names? Tildebang~! Favorite Stipulation(s)? Calvinball, Canadian Death Match Least Favorite Stipulation(s)? Any three or four way match. Favorite Match(es) and Promo(s) (Written by you)? Hawke vs. Zyon, Genesis VI. Also, my promo on the playground on the undercard of Calvinball II. Dream Matches? Mayor McCheese vs. Jimmy the Doom. Dream Angles? Ghost Machine shuts down when Ghost Machine v.2.0 tells him robot heaven doesn't exist. Funny Moment(s)? Pretzler and the Pope, Landon trains with Hawke and JJ Fondest Memories? Toxxic quoting me in his signature. Any Regrets? That I joined after David Cross left, as I worked with Cross' handler in another efed a few years back and would have liked to feud with him. I've became most friendly with...? Probably J3 and Rando Wrestling Favorite Federation? ROH Favorite Worker? Christopher Daniels Least Favorite Worker? Boogeyman. Ugh. Favorite Match(es)? Flair vs. Steamboat (2 out of 3 falls at Clash VI) Favorite Stipulation? Ironman. Dream Matches? With everybody in their primes, Lou Thesz vs. Ric Flair and Bruno Sammartino vs. Hulk Hogan If I worked for a company it'd be... ROH My style of wrestling would be... technical with tons of high spots thrown in Face or heel? Heel Dream Matches (that includes you)? Me vs. Stacy Keibler in a loser must be pinned for a thousand count match. I'd do the job, but only after 600 999-counts. Personal Name? Jared Hawkins Age? 27 Single? Engaged Biggest Turn On? sense of humor Biggest Turn Off? acting slutty to someone who isn't me Religious? no Favorite book(s)? "Cradle and All" by James Patterson and "1984". Favorite movie(s)? The Breakfast Club. I dunno why. Favorite actor/actress? Don't really have one. Favorite bands? Pink Floyd Favorite song(s)? "Margaritaville", "Another Brick in the Wall Part 2", "Letter to my Penis" Most Recent Accomplishment? Not dying Most Recent Failure? Saying "not dying" is my most recent accomplishment My biggest flaw... Indecision. No, wait... I like my... PS2 Future Goal(s)? Not dying Do you write outside the SWF (if so, what do you write)? Occasionally for the TSM main page. Not so much outside of that anymore. Heroes? none for me I would love to meet... Vince McMahon. just five minutes to tell him what he's doing wrong. Hardest moment of my life... dunno Greatest moment of my life... dunno Would you want to be famous? Hell yeah. Favorite swear word? Fuck Favorite food? spaghetti What would you want God to say if you want to Heaven? Come on in. Have some coffee. What would you want the Devil to say if you were in Hell? "Somebody turn on the air conditioning. It's time for the Browns to win the Super Bowl."

I never implicated that, but it would be stupid to see everybody duplicate that score and have a constant string of 58s for the top ten. I have no problem with anybody else's top scores, including yours.

Hexxagon should get reset since Princess Leena got the max score on it, and getting the max score sucks. Can't there be multiple levels of that or something?

Here I thought Bruce was getting ready to do TV for Vince McMahon. Seriously, you don't think Vince thought of Reverse kamala at some point?

Raw still has tag team titles?

Aside from the finish I was doing being a double DQ, WC and I had pretty much the exact same match planned, so that was pretty cool. Was I the only one that wasn't sold on the main event though? I mean, it was good as usual from Mags, but it didn't stand out to me as the main event. Of course, this probably comes from trying to move to a new apartment and reading a PPV the same day, so I spent the last ten minutes praying for the finish. And congrats to Blank for not only showing both matches, but for disfiguring himself to keep his title. Even if you never win another match, Bruce, you've got my respect.

Still reading the show, but having read WC's match I gotta say the similarities are eerie. King: “I feel sorry for whoever has to follow that disaster of a Hardcore Title Match.” Pete: “Incredible, wasn’t it?” King: “How can anybody be expected to continue working in this environment?” Pete: “Well, as we clean up after that massacre, let’s talk about the next match. Could today be the day, after 231 days, that Jay Hawke finally loses the International Championship? He will take on Wildchild in what is sure to be a classic match.” King: “Wildchild? International Champion? You’ve got to be kidding!” Pete: “Absolutely not. Remember, Wildchild was in control of the last meeting between these two when Jay Hawke leveled Wildchild with the title belt, then proceeded to injure Wildchild’s shoulder with the Wing Span. Revenge is one strong bit of motivation, and I could see Wildchild using that, channeling his energy, and taking his championship.” King: “But I want to refer you to what Jay Hawke said after that match. Wildchild has been with this company for what, two or three years now, and he has never progressed beyond the Cruiserweight Championship. Don’t you think that if Wildchild was going to proceed beyond that level, he would have done so by now?” Pete: “Well, he’s never really had the shot to proceed the next level.” King: “Maybe if he was more forceful when it became time to move into title contention, he’d have gotten those opportunities. Face it, Wildchild is too soft to be a top guy, and Jay Hawke is simply too damn good to allow someone like Wildchild to take that strap off of him.” Pete: “You’re hopeless, you know that?” King: “You say that every week. Why is that?” Pete: “At any rate, ever since that three way match a few weeks ago, Wildchild has been a thorn in Hawke’s side, making sure that Hawke doesn’t injure his other opponents.” King: “And costing guys like Spike Jenkins the title when he’s got the champion beat.” Pete: “At any rate, the title is on the line. Wildchild’s third shot at the title since Hawke won it. Will the third time be the charm for the man from the Bahamas?” King: “Or will Jay Hawke prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Wildchild is a career underachiever. My bet’s on the latter.” Pete: “Weren’t you the same guy who picked the Cardinals to win the Super Bowl at the start of the season, King?” King: “Cheap shot.” Pete: “Let’s get ready for the introductions.” “Bouncin’ Back” by Mystikal comes over the public address system, and the fans erupt as the challenger and his manager, the always beautiful Melissa Fasaki, make their way to the ring. Pete: “What an ovation for the challenger, King. You can almost sense the anticipation from the capacity crowd. They can sense this title change. They can almost taste the title change.” King: “Why are you treating this like it’s a forgone conclusion that the title is changing hands? I’ll believe the title is changing hands when the referee says we have a new champion. And that, my colleague, is not going to happen.” Wildchild enters the ring and begins stretching in the corner as the music changes to Pink Floyd’s “Learning to Fly”. The crowd boos as the lights dim, and as the familiar opening riff continues to blare throughout the arena, a lone spotlight shines down at the top of the ramp. Standing underneath it is the International, who basks in the glow for a moment before making his way to the ring. King: “There he is. There’s the man with the longest uninterrupted title reign in SWF history! There’s the man who has single-handedly made the International Title a coveted possession! God, I love watching this guy compete.” Pete: “But if he wants to reach day number 232 of this marvelous title reign, he’s going to have to wrestle harder than he ever has in his life.” Jay Hawke enters the ring, climbs up on the middle turnbuckle, and soaks in the chants from the crowd: “JAY HAWKE SUCKS! JAY HAWKE SUCKS! JAY HAWKE SUCKS!” With that, he hops off the turnbuckles and removes his robe as Funyon begins with the boxing-style introductions. Funyon: “Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a one hour time limit, and it is for the SWF International Championship!” “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” Funyon: “This match is sanctioned by the Smarks Wrestling Federation, in cooperation with the California State Athletic Commission, and when the bell rings, the man in charge of the action will be Scott Ryder.” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Funyon: “Introducing first, the challenger. He is accompanied to the ring tonight by his manager, the lovely Melissa Fasaki. Hailing from the Bahamas, and weighing in at 214 pounds. He is a former Cruiserweight Champion. A former Hardcore Champion. A former World Tag Team Champion. And tonight, he tries to become the man who ends the longest uninterrupted title reign in SWF history. He is the Bahama Bomber, the Caribbean Cruiser, the Tropical Tumbler, and the Human Hurricane. He is … WILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLDCHILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLD!” “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! DUB-CEE! DUB-CEE! DUB-CEE!” Funyon: “And his opponent…” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Funyon: “He hails from Cleveland, Ohio, and he weighs in tonight at 215 pounds. He is a former United States Junior League Champion, a former World Tag Team Champion, and the current reigning and defending International Champion. Tonight, he hopes to keep his 231-day title reign alive. He is the Dean of Professional Wrestling. He is … JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY HAWWWWWWWWWKE!” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JAY HAWKE SUCKS! JAY HAWKE SUCKS! JAY HAWKE SUCKS!” With the opening introductions out of the way, Jay Hawke takes off his championship belt, possibly for the last time, and stares at it, giving it a quick kiss before handing it to referee Scott Ryder. Ryder folds up the champion and shows it to Wildchild, who gives a nod before Ryder holds the title belt above his head for the capacity crowd and the fans at home to see. As the fans begin to buzz, Pete makes the observation “And here I thought all the heat tonight would be on the main event.” King: “Oh, there will be plenty of heat when that main event hits tonight, I assure you. But you’re right, absolutely unreal, and all because these people don’t know real talent when they see it.” DING DING DING! “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” The bell has rung. The title match is officially underway. And even with the bad blood … even with the animosity … neither man wants to make a mistake early in the match, so neither man rushes toward the center of the ring. Instead, both men cautiously move to the center of the ring, with Jay Hawke starting to talk trash right off the bat. “You might as well give it up right now. Face it, you’re not main event material. And that title belt you just got an eyeful of…that remains around my waist tonight.” Wildchild stares him down before responding in his thick accent: “Prove it!” “No problem,” is the response from Jay Hawke, and the two combatants immediately engage in a collar-and-elbow tieup. They jockey for position briefly, but Hawke uses his strength advantage to push Wildchild into the corner. Scott Ryder asks for a clean break and begins counting: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! Jay Hawke releases the lockup in the corner and backs away, shocking the Staples Center crowd with the clean break. King: “Now how about that, Pete?” Pete: “I have to admit I’m impressed with that, King. Jay Hawke had a chance to take advantage of the situation and didn’t do it.” They lock up collar-and-elbow again. This time Jay Hawke begins to push Wildchild toward the corner, but Wildchild shifts his weight and uses the change in leverage to take Hawke down with an arm drag takedown. Hawke quickly gets up to one knee and nods, seemingly impressed with the move. Pete: “And there’s what Wildchild’s going to need to do to win this match. He’s not going to out power too many people, so he needs to use speed and leverage to keep Hawke off-balance.” Jay Hawke gets to his feet and slowly makes his way back to Wildchild. Once again they lock up in the center of the ring, and this time Hawke doesn’t go over with the attempted weight shift into an arm drag. Instead he plants his feet and pushes Wildchild even harder, once again getting Wildchild trapped in the corner. And once again, Scott Ryder calls for the break. ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! Hawke backs off like he’s going to break cleanly, but he levels Wildchild with a forearm to the face instead. As the crowd boos the cheap shot from hell, Hawke smirks his arrogant smirk as Wildchild glares at him like a married woman glaring at her womanizing husband. Pete: “Cheap shot from the champion there, and that’s only going to serve to anger the challenger.” King: “How can you call that a cheap shot? That was a legal forearm.” Pete: “With his opponent in the ropes. You’re not supposed to hit your opponent when he’s in the ropes.” King: “Is that an unwritten rule?” Pete: “No.” King: “I don’t remember reading that in the rulebook.” Pete: “You’ve never read the rulebook.” King: “Maybe that’s why.” Once again, the two participants lock up in the center of the ring. Hawke uses his strength to once again push Wildchild into the corner, and once again Scott Ryder has to count: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! Jay Hawke goes for another forearm, but Wildchild ducks out of the way and quickly moves to the center of the ring. A surprised Hawke turns around, only to be surprised once again with a dropkick. Hawke drops to the mat quickly before regaining his feet, only to be taken right back down to the mat with another dropkick that sends him rolling out of the ring. Hawke gets to his feet, and he sees Wildchild running off the ropes with full velocity. Wildchild begins to dive through the ropes, and Hawke quickly moves out of the way, but Wildchild catches the ropes and spins himself back into the ring as the crowd erupts. Pete: “And that shows you just how quickly Wildchild can speed up the pace of the match and gain control.” King: “And I’ll even admit it, Hawke needs to slow the pace down if he expects to retain the title. But if you think the pace is going to stay like this all night, you’ve got another thing coming.” Jay Hawke begins pacing around the ring, trying to come up with some sort of strategy to keep Wildchild at bay. Hawke climbs up the steel steps, telling the referee to make sure Wildchild is in the opposite neutral corner so he can reenter the ring. Scott Ryder makes sure Wildchild backs up a few steps, and Hawke reenters the ring for action. King: “And there’s the mark of a true champion there. He makes sure Wildchild is far enough way that he can’t get caught with a cheap shot, and only then does he reenter the ring.” Pete: “A cheap shot. Like the one Hawke caught Wildchild with in the corner a couple of minutes ago?” King: “More like the one you caught me with when I made my prediction tonight.” Hawke moves to the center of the ring, and once again they lock up collar-and-elbow. Jay Hawke quickly locks Wildchild into a side headlock. Wildchild wastes no time backing into the ropes and pushing Jay Hawke off into the ropes on the other side. Wildchild ducks as Hawke rebounds off. Hawke rebounds off the other side, and Wildchild leapfrogs over him. On the third rebound, Wildchild leaps up and catches Jay Hawke with a leg lariat that nearly knocks his head off from his shoulders. Jay Hawke rolls to the floor, then stands up and slaps the mat in frustration as the crowd erupts: “DUB-CEE! DUB-CEE! DUB-CEE!” Pete: “And again Wildchild has Jay Hawke caught completely off-guard.!” King: “No no no. He’s merely trying to lull Wildchild into a false sense of security.” Pete: “It’s working.” King: “Now what the hell is that supposed to mean?” Once again Jay Hawke slowly makes his way into the ring. Jay Hawke shakes his head, seemingly waiting for an opportunity, then the two wrestlers lock up collar-and-elbow yet again. Jay Hawke once again locks in the side headlock. Wildchild goes to throw Hawke into the ropes again, but this time the Dean of Professional Wrestling has a simple solution to prevent being sent into the ropes. He grabs the Bahama Bomber by his braided black hair, then locks him right back into the side headlock. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Pete: “Now what was the call for that?” King: “Hey, Pete! He’s got a five-count to relinquish a hair pull. And I believe he pulled the hair for less than a second there, so it’s perfectly legal.” Jay Hawke tightens the grip on the side headlock, but Wildchild is quick to lift Jay Hawke off the mat. Hawke quickly flails his legs, preventing himself from being taken over with a back suplex and instead taking Wildchild to the mat with the headlock. Wildchild immediately makes his way back to his feet, and he quickly runs forward, pushing Jay Hawke off of the headlock at the last possible moment and sending the International Champion crashing into the turnbuckle. Hawke staggers backwards, right into a Wildchild roll up: ONE! TWO! Kickout. Both men quickly get to their feet, and Wildchild catches Jay Hawke with another leg lariat that sends Jay Hawke rolling to the concrete floor. Funyon: “Five minutes have gone by, 55 minutes remain in the time limit.” Hawke makes his way to his feet, unaware that Wildchild has already ascended to the top rope… Pete: “He’s going to fly!” …and catching Jay Hawke square with a picture-perfect corkscrew plancha. “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” The Caribbean Cruiser is quick to reenter the ring, raising both arms into the air as the crowd roars their approval: “DUB-CEE! DUB-CEE! DUB-CEE!” Pete: “And what a tremendous move by the challenger! Jay Hawke is seemingly unable to do anything with the challenger here!” King: “Yeah, that move looked impressive, but let’s see how many people remember he hit it by the time the match is over!” Pete: “When will you give Wildchild some credit, King?” King: “When he has a title reign even remotely like Jay Hawke’s.” Jay Hawke makes his way back to his feet and once again slaps the mat in frustration, seemingly unaware of how to combat Wildchild’s unique offense. He finally makes his way back to the ring apron, shouting “Get him back!” before finally stepping through the ropes. Pete: “What does Jay Hawke have to do to gain the advantage at this point, King?” King: “Simple. Let Wildchild keep doing that flashy offense but make one mistake too many. Then BAM! Put him away once and for all!” Yet again, the two combatants lock up collar-and-elbow. Jay Hawke immediately grabs Wildchild by the left arm and goes into a hammerlock. Wildchild reaches back and grabs the back of Hawke’s head as if to go for a snap mare, but instead flips over and lands behind Jay Hawke. The Human Hurricane then dropkicks Jay Hawke in the back, sending him into the ropes. Hawke turns around and sees his challenger charging, ducks his shoulder, and backdrops Wildchild. Wildchild lands on his feet on the ring apron, then catches Jay Hawke with a forearm smash that knocks him down. Wildchild then hops onto the top turnbuckle, and Hawke rolls away just as Wildchild begins leaping. Wildchild changes his momentum in mid-move and rolls through it, quickly running to the ropes, leaping onto the top rope, and leaping off at Jay Hawke while curled up into a ball. Pete: “Pinball attack by Wildchild! He’s got the champion completely flustered here!” King: “But why isn’t he going for the cover? See, he’s incapable of being a top guy because he’s incapable of getting the big win when he’s in position for it!” Jay Hawke pulls himself to his feet, and Wildchild quickly peppers the Dean of Wrestling with a series of short forearm smashes that stagger the champion. Wildchild sends Hawke into the ropes, then leaps at him on the rebound, taking him over with a high monkey flip that sends Hawke down hard to the mat. Pete: “Freefall! Wildchild’s got the champion rocking!” Jay Hawke tries to regain his feet, but he staggers into the corner, falling over almost immediately. Wildchild immediately charges, but the Dean gets a knee into the challenger’s chest that spins the champion around. Hawke then traps the left arm behind Wildchild’s back and turns him around, launching him forward and sending him left shoulder first into the steel ringpost. Pete: “Oh no!” King: “Oh yes!” Wildchild backs away from the corner and turns around, and Hawke levels Wildchild with a roundhouse kick right into the shoulder. King: “And that’s the turning point, Pete! Jay Hawke has taken a shot at Wildchild’s shoulder, and now you’re going to see why Jay Hawke has held that championship for nearly eight months!” Indeed, that left shoulder is the immediate focus of Jay Hawke. He grabs a hold of Wildchild’s arm, locking it in an armbar before driving his elbow into the insertion of his opponent’s shoulder. Hawke locks the armbar in tighter, using his weight to force Wildchild down to the mat before pulling back into a Fujiwara armbar. Pete: “Jay Hawke is going to town on the arm of Wildchild!” King: “Exactly. Sure, it doesn’t exactly take Wildchild’s legs and his speed out from under him. But remember in that triple threat match that Hawke worked on the left arm, and the pain was so intense that Wildchild couldn’t use his speed to his fullest advantage.” Jay Hawke continues to crank down on the arm, pulling it at the shoulder while putting all his weight along the upper arm. The pain on Wildchild’s arm is obvious by the grimace on his face, and he begins to crawl to the ropes. The ropes are mere inches away as Wildchild makes a reach for it, but Jay Hawke quickly pulls Wildchild to the center of the ring and drops a leg across the arm before once again locking in a Fujiwara armbar, all the weight once again on the left shoulder. King: “Absolute brilliance as usual from the champion, Pete!” Pete: “Oh, Hawke’s definitely a throwback to the days of old school wrestling. He knows how to pick out a body part and work it over, a technique lost on many of today’s wrestlers.” King: “And it’s that technique in part that has led to Jay Hawke’s title reign being as successful as it has been.” Wildchild is once again in pain, and he tries once again to reach the ropes as the crowd begins a staccato clap to cheer him on. Wildchild again reaches, this time merely three or four inches away, but Jay Hawke once again pulls Wildchild to the center of the ring and clamps down on the hold again, deflating the crowd. Hawke leans back as far as he can on the shoulder, and Wildchild screams as he tries to fight the intense pain on his shoulder. King: “God, this is beautiful. Wildchild’s screaming like a little girl. Now Melissa knows how annoying she is at ringside!” Pete: “Will you stop?” Wildchild once again begins crawling toward the ropes, and this time Jay Hawke isn’t able to get the leverage to pull Wildchild toward the ropes. This time Wildchild reaches the ropes to a thunderous applause from the crowd, forcing the referee to count: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! And “forcing” Jay Hawke to stomp on the shoulder rather than release the hold. The champion is right back on the attack, draping the left arm over the middle rope and yanking on it, using the rope for additional leverage: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! Jay Hawke releases the hold, only to go right back to it: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! And again Hawke releases the hold, only to go right back to it: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! Funyon: “Ten minutes have gone by, fifty minutes remain. Hawke kicks the middle rope as hard as he can with Wildchild’s arm still wrapped around it, and Wildchild falls to the mat, clutching his shoulder as the crowd begins to rag on the champion: “JAY HAWKE SUCKS! JAY HAWKE SUCKS! JAY HAWKE SUCKS!” Jay Hawke pays no mind to the catcalls from the fans, as he pulls Wildchild to the middle of the ring and puts his arm behind his challenger’s back before body slamming him to the canvas, the full body weight of Wildchild landing on his already-weakened left shoulder. Pete: “Hammerlock body slam! How about that for a move you don’t see much these days?” King: “And that’s the problem with preparing for Hawke’s offense. How are you supposed to prepare for moves that most wrestlers haven’t seen used in over ten years?” Jay Hawke again picks Wildchild up, looking as though he’s going to go for a body slam, but instead he drops to one knee and brings the Bahama Bomber’s shoulder straight down onto the other knee. Hawke then goes for his first cover of the match: ONE! TWO! Kickout. The crowd erupts, but Jay Hawke is quick to lock Wildchild into another hammerlock, adding a chicken wing to it for more leverage. Pete: “Unreal. Jay Hawke has been absolutely relentless on that arm for at least three or four minutes at this point!” King: “Hey, when you spot a weakness, you’ve got to go for it. That’s why Hawke’s going to retain here, and that’s what JJ Johnson needs to do to win the World Title later tonight!” An unrelenting International Champion continues the attack, driving in a series of knees to the arm while continuing to hold on to the hammerlock. Hawke then tightens the grip on the hammerlock yet again, even using his head to push up on the arm for additional leverage. Wildchild clenches his right fist and bites it to try to alleviate the pain as the crowd tries to rally the challenger: “LET’S GO WILD-CHILD! *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO WILD-CHILD! *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO WILD-CHILD! *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*” The crowd’s chants seem to motivate the challenger, as he ignores the pain and makes his way back to his feet. He plants Hawke in the side of the face with a couple of elbows, hitting him just hard enough to release the hold. The crowd cheers as they sense the comeback, and Wildchild runs into the ropes and comes back with a high cross body attempt. However, the champion quickly ducks out of the way, and the challenger lands on his left shoulder and rolls to the concrete floor. Pete: “And just when Wildchild looked to be turning things around, he ends up taking a hard tumble to the floor.” King: “And if he’s smart, he’ll simply stay on the floor and take the countout. Better than having his career ended by the International Champion.” Jay Hawke might be willing to take the countout victory, but he leaves the ring, as he obviously wants to do some added damage to his opponent first. He gets a couple of solid stomps to the arm, then drags Wildchild up to his feet. Hawke uses his elbow several times on Wildchild’s shoulder, then locks him into another hammerlock. Hawke pushes Wildchild forward, sending the left shoulder into the ringpost. Wildchild remains at the same spot, and Hawke simply kicks Wildchild’s shoulder, driving it into the ringpost again. FOUR! Pete: “My God! I think Jay Hawke tried to imbed Wildchild’s shoulder into the ringpost!” King: “I’m surprised Wildchild isn’t a permanent part of the ring after that!” SIX! Jay Hawke once again kicks Wildchild’s shoulder, driving it into the steel yet again. The Dean of Professional Wrestling then rolls into the ring, only to roll right back outside. King: “And that’s exactly what he needed to do there. He rolled in and out of the ring, and now the referee has no choice but to start his ten count all over again.” TWO! Jay Hawke grabs the Caribbean Cruiser’s arm and wraps it around the ringpost. Then he uses his foot to push against the ringpost, pulling Wildchild’s arm at the same time. He takes his foot off the post, and Wildchild tries to break free, only for Hawke to pull Wildchild forward and once again drive his shoulder into the ringpost. FIVE! Jay Hawke then rolls Wildchild back into the ring before reentering himself. The crowd boos him like hell as he grabs the challenger by the arm and pulls him toward the center of the ring. The champion drops a knee across the shoulder, then goes into the cover: ONE! TWO! THR -- kickout. Pete: “Only the count of two, but you have to wonder how much more of this Wildchild is going to able to take.” King: “I’ll tell you how much more he’s going to be able to take. Nothing. Kicking out right there was the worst thing he could have done!” And it’s become obvious that Jay Hawke has had about enough of Wildchild’s resilience. As Wildchild slowly gets to his feet, Jay Hawke positions himself so that he’s behind his challenger. Wildchild stands, and Jay Hawke goes for the Wing Span. However, he only gets the chickenwing portion of the hold on before Wildchild starts running and leaning forward, driving the champion’s head smack dab into the turnbuckle. “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” Jay Hawke staggers backwards, then turns around doubled over, enabling Wildchild to drape his leg over the back of his head and drive him face first into the canvas. Pete: “Brilliant counter by Wildchild, followed by the Caribbean Cutter! That’s the break he’s been looking for!” King: “But does he have enough left in him to even come back from the punishment he’s suffered the last seven or eight minutes? I don’t think so!” His arm dangling along his left side, Wildchild begins using his right arm for most of the offense, right now consisting of a series of forearm smashes to the side of the head. Wildchild grimaces and gives his shoulder a quick rub, then runs into the ropes and uses them as a springboard, catching the champion with a forearm smash to the side of the face. Hawke is down and seemingly out, and Wildchild summons enough energy to cover the champion: ONE! TWO! Kickout. Pete: “Only the count of two, but the challenger isn’t out of this one yet!” King: “Merely giving these fans false hopes, much like he has his entire career!” Jay Hawke makes his way to his feet, as does Wildchild. Wildchild slowly runs into the ropes, using them for momentum before coming at the champion and connecting with the high cross body: ONE! TWO! Kickout. Pete: “This time Wildchild connects with the high cross body, and it’s good for a near fall! He’s picking up the pace of the contest, and that’s given him the advantage!” Wildchild is still favoring the shoulder, so he uses his feet to stomp away at the champion while he’s still down on the canvas. The crowd erupts as he continues to hurriedly stomp away at him, getting one last hard stomp to the face. Funyon: “Fifteen minutes have gone by, 45 minutes remain in the time limit.” Wildchild then heads to the corner, slowly climbing the turnbuckle as he continues to favor the shoulder. He makes his way to the top turnbuckle, but Jay Hawke has recovered from the stomping spree and has made his way to the corner, leveling Wildchild with a forearm. King: “See that? The pain in the shoulder prevented him from getting up the corner fast enough to do whatever move he had planned.” Jay Hawke gets a couple more hard forearm smashes in, then climbs up after him. He sets Wildchild up for a superplex, but Wildchild gets a series of punches to the midsection to prevent himself from being taken over. He then lifts Hawke up slightly, dropping him face-first to the canvas but doing damage to his shoulder in the process. “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” Wildchild shakes off the effects of the shoulder and balances himself on the top turnbuckle. He leaps, landing back-first on the International Champion. Pete: “Top rope senton bomb! That could do it!” King: “I don’t think so, Pete! Wildchild is clutching at that shoulder, and I don’t think he’s going to be able to make a cover!” Indeed, Suicide King is right for a change. As Wildchild tries to crawl toward a potential cover, clutching at his shoulder the entire time, Jay Hawke has rolled to a corner, making the universal “timeout” sign. Referee Scott Ryder tries to inform him there are no timeouts as Hawke stands, practically begging for a breather. Seeing Hawke’s attention is diverted, Wildchild makes a beeline for him, leaping into the air for a leg lariat. However, Jay Hawke sees him at the last second and ducks out of the way, pushing referee Ryder into the leg of his challenger. “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Pete: “Oh no! Jay Hawke pulled the referee into that leg lariat, and the referee is down! That should be an automatic disqualification!” King: “If the referee even knows what happened!” Wildchild checks on the referee’s well-being, and Jay Hawke rolls to the floor, making his way to the timekeeper’s table. He grabs the International Championship belt off of the table and rolls back into the ring. As the crowd screams for Wildchild to turn around, Hawke stands behind him, waiting to glom him with the belt. Pete: “No! Not this!” King: “Yes! He’s going to keep the title just like he has the past month!” Wildchild turns around, and Hawke goes for the belt shot. Wildchild ducks out of the way and quickly turns around, kicking Hawke in the midsection and using his right arm to hook Hawke’s head and take him down with a DDT. “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” Pete: “He was ready for it! The challenger saw it coming and reacted!” Wildchild looks down at the belt and picks it up, and the crowd buzzes, hoping the Bahama Bomber is thinking what they’re thinking. King: “Do it!” “What?” asks Pete in shock. King: “If you want to prove you’re hungry for success, do it!” Wildchild shakes his head no and starts to drop the belt… “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” …then, seeing Hawke getting to his feet, remembers what the champion said. He thinks to himself, “Unwilling to reach the next level? MY ASS!” Then…. SMACK! “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” Pete: “He did it! Wildchild leveled Jay Hawke in the face with the title belt! He’s got the champion down! The cover!” King: “And the referee’s beginning to get his bearings!” Scott Ryder crawls over, slowly making his way into position before going for the count: ONE! Pete: “One!” TWO! Pete: “Two!” King: “New champion!” THRE -- no! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Pete: “And the champion somehow rolled the left shoulder up at the last moment!” King: “God, that was close!” Wildchild, frustrated for the first time in a long time, grabs the referee by the collar, complaining that he should have had the three count. As the argument ensues, Jay Hawke once again rolls to the floor. He grabs a steel chair and tosses it into the ring. Ryder, hearing the chair hit the mat, tries to remove it from the ring. As Jay Hawke grabs another chair and slides into the ring, Wildchild yanks the first chair from Ryder’s grasp and holds it in a defensive stance. Pete: “Oh no! This is getting out of hand here!” King: “I think these two men have just decided to do what they have to do to finish each other off!” Both men, chairs in hand, begin swinging, and the chairs clang together with each swing. The referee tries to get control of things by stepping in between them. Wildchild and Jay Hawke stop swinging at each other for a moment, take a look at Ryder, then turn to each other and nod. Each man takes a swing at Ryder, and Ryder just barely ducks out of the ring and slides to safety. The two combatants start swinging at each other again, and the sound of the bell can barely be heard above the clanging of steel on steel…. DING DING DING! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The crowd might not like the match ending officially, but the fight isn’t over. They continue swinging as the bell rings repeatedly like a Russo-era episode of WCW Monday Nitro. DING DING DING DING DING! Finally, Jay Hawke swings half a second before Wildchild does. Wildchild ducks, then does an overhead swing… SMACK! “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” … that catches the champion on the top of the head. Hawke falls backwards like a shot as blood begins to flow out of the forehead of the Dean of Wrestling. Pete: “Oh my God! Wildchild just busted Jay Hawke open with that steel chair!” King: “Do these two men even realize the bell rang?” Apparently not. DING DING DING DING DING! Wildchild then mounts Jay Hawke, using a series of forearms to the head to further open up the cut. As Wildchild continues pounding away at the forehead, security and several local wrestlers posing as security flood the ring, trying to pull Wildchild off of the champion. Pete: “The locker room is emptying, and Wildchild’s like a man possessed!” King: “Well, I hate to say this, but Jay Hawke caused this! He called Wildchild out, and now he’s paying the price!” Security finally pulls Wildchild out to the arena floor as EMTs rush into the ring to check on the champion. Wildchild struggles to break free as the crowd chants for him: “DUB-CEE! DUB-CEE! DUB-CEE!” Pete: “All hell has broken loose in this one!” King: “Have we gotten the official word yet?” Pete: “I don’t think so. I see Funyon talking to the referee now. Let’s see if we have that information!” Funyon: “Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please! After 18 minutes 25 seconds, the referee has disqualified both men for use of a chair…” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Funyon: “…ruling this bout a double disqualification! Therefore, still[/i the SWF International Champion, Jay Hawke!” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT!” Pete: “Well, this crowd isn’t happy, but it was pretty much the only decision Scott Ryder could make there.” The camera cuts to Wildchild, who has a look of death on his face as he stares at the ring at his fallen opponent. Wildchild has stopped struggling, but security refuses to let him go due to the ice cold stare on his face. King: “What has Jay Hawke done, Pete? I think he’s created a monster!” Pete: “It looks that way. The champion may have retained the title tonight, but it’s Wildchild who has won the battle. The champ is bloodied in the middle of the ring!” King: “Is it safe to say this one isn’t over yet?” Pete: “Perfectly safe.” King: “This one isn’t over yet!” Pete: “The Clusterfuck is coming up momentarily, but first, listen to this!” Cut to a brief 30-second commercial for the Ramadomination DVD, on sale this Tuesday.

Mine was a shade under 6k when I sent it yesterday. Not much by PPV standards, but any more than that would have killed the flow.

I could have sworn Mabel went over the top rope in 1999. My official pick is Rey, and if Orton or Triple H win it I'll probably cry.

Given what Foley said in his book, I doubt that he even attended Vince's alleged meeting. Mick also explained why he came back in his book. I guess Shawn's too egocentric to read somebody else's book.

The Mad Dog Vachon story I've heard once or twice before, so that one might be legit. I can buy the Blackwell and Haystacks stories. The stuff with Saddam, on the other hand...

Shane Helms, Shannon Moore, and Evan Karagias. Get up off your feet. Put your hands together. Hooray for flashbacks!

I do referee on occasion for a promotion called Fortitude Championship Wrestling in Ohio. Unfortunately, they run like twice a year so it hardly counts. Anybody know a good indy in Northeast Ohio that can use another ref?

Um...12 pages of 10-point Times New Roman font. 5k or so I think, I forgot to check before I wentto bed last night.

Barely 3000 so far, but I'm less than halfway through.

They Live. The plot is something out of an MST3K flick, the aliens look like something my four year old cousin could draw in preschool, and yet I could watch that movie over and over again for the fight scene alone.

He's also the most over face on SmackDown in Batista's absence, and it just wouldn't be right for a heel to win the Rumble. I mean, I certainly don't mind a heel challenger at WrestleMania, but the heel winning the Rumble...wasn't the last time it happened 1997 when Austin won it? And the last time the winning heel actually kept the shot Yokozuna in 1993?

That should be how you do all your predictions. Just tell us how the PS2 simulated it. Could be good for a laugh when ELM loses every match.

0. And nothing before tomorrow. But I think I could pound this one out in my sleep if need be.

The Card: The Main Event - SWF World Heavyweight Championship Match El Luchadore Magnifico © vs. JJ Johnson Stable pride combined with JJJ wanting it more. Gotta call it an upset if it happens, I think, but I can see it happening. -=-=-THE CLUSTERFUCK-=-=- 1. "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins 2. Laberinto 3. "The Rage" Jason von Dierch 4. Stryke 5. Manson 6. Christian Fury 7. Ghost Machine V. 2.0 8. The 70's Dude 9. Wes Davenport 10. Todd Cortez 11. Matt ??? Myers (go wild) 12. Candace "The Joshi Dragon" Okimura 13. Kevin Coyote 14. The Crimson Skull 15. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix 16. Bruce Blank 17. "The Icon" Max King 18. Zyon 19. TORU Takahara 20. Tim Dillon Still a longshot, in all honesty, but I've just got a feeling. SWF International Championship Match Jay Hawke © vs. Wildchild No prediction SWF Ultraviolent Championship Match - Japanese Deathmatch - Best of Five Bruce Blank © vs. "The Divine Wind" Akira Kaibatsu I'd like to see Akira take it, but these matches are Bruce's calling card. SWF FROST Pre-PPV Extravaganza Blowout Extreme to the MAX! Singles Match Michael Cross vs. Ced Ordonez No doubt about this one. Additional Clusterfuck Match Predictions: How many will actually turn in a match? I'll say three. Who will be the MVP of the Clusterfuck? (You know, the guy that lasts almost the whole match but doesn't end up winning.) If I were in the Clusterfuck, I'd be giving it to Zyon. And I'm sure someone will give that nod to Spike. Honestly, I'm thinking Laberinto for some weird reason.

The best part about this thread is the fact that two people who are ignoring each other were arguing with each other anyway, even though they don't know what the other one was saying.

Edited for accuracy

Had that been WrestleMania, it would have rivaled S.D. Jones vs. King Kong Bundy for the greatest match in the history of WrestleMania! Awesome shit!