JHawk

You didn't lose because of that. Sorry, but the word limit was 4500, and you wrote over 6000. I couldn't, as a marker, let you win going that far over, and I'm fairly lenient on these things. Really? Fuck. I need to buy Microsoft Word, like, stat. Consider me so owned. Just a little tip, Landon. When the word limit's 4500 words, and I write the first half, I tend to stop somewhere between 2000-2250 to ensure that doesn't happen. Apparently you thought that each person was supposed to write 4500 words. Only on PPV, my friend.

Nuclear Winter.

The counters do piss me off readily, but even more annoying than that is when people can duck underneath dropkicks or counter moves even when they're sitting there doubled over because they have zero stamina.

I've been saying it for weeks now and I'll say it again. The WrestleMania main event, provided Batista doesn't drop it due to his injury, absolutely has to be Batista defending against The Undertaker. Can the champion, who has held the championship for a full year, be the one to finally end The Undertaker's winning streak? The story writes itself, and for once you have a WrestleMania main event that has some element of doubt as to who the winner's actually going to be. Sure, it means Taker wins the Rumble when someone else could use the rub of winning the Rumble, but I don't see how Taker vs. Batista isn't the correct thing for business.

Could I have an explanation as to why in the hell a headlock isn't "family friendly". Jesus, it's the Arch Griffon feud all over again.

Pete: “It has already been one absolutely fantastic episode of Smarkdown, but folks, this one ain’t done yet. Coming up next, another fantastic match in the Cold Front Classic tournament.” King: “And this one could be the greatest match in the history of Smarkdown. You’ve got one-half of the World Tag Team Champions … and if I do say so myself, one-half of the greatest tag team in recent SWF history … TORU Takahara taking on the man who seems like he will never lose the SWF International Championship, Jay Hawke.” Pete: “This is certainly an interesting contest. Jay Hawke is the number two seed, taking on seventh seed TORU. These two are coming off of that tremendous tag team ladder match back at Ashes 2 Ashes, and you know there’s still some animosity stemming from that contest.” King: “Hawke’s animosity should be geared toward Landon Maddix for refusing to take advantage of the automatic rematch clause.” Pete: “At any rate, the winner of this contest will be just two matches away from earning a shot at the World Heavyweight Title. The loser goes home. And Funyon is ready with the opening introductions. Funyon?” Funyon: “Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a quarterfinal round contest in the Cold Front Classic Tournament, and it is scheduled for one fall!” ‘Teethgrinder’ by Therapy starts up causing everyone in the arena to start booing. Funyon: “Introducing first … from Saitama Prefecture, Japan, and weighing in tonight at 264 pounds. Accompanied to the ring by Natasha and Chris Card … he is one-half of the SWF World Tag Team Champions … TORU TAKAHARA!” As the main riff starts TORU steps out onto the entrance ramp flanked by Chris Card and Natasha. He makes his way down to the ring, then allows Natasha to take off his trenchcoat before vaulting over the top rope. King: “Look at that man, Pete. Look at him take the title belt off. Look at him take the sunglasses off. I tell you, Pete, maybe he isn’t a singles superstar, but you can tell he’s ready for this match.” Pete: “That’s one thing Chris Card will always instill in any of his men. Always be ready for a match no matter the opponent.” The lights dim, and the opening riff of Pink Floyd’s “Learning to Fly” begins to fill the sold-out Conseco Fieldhouse. Funyon: “And his opponent … representing Cucaracha Internacional … he hails from the Hall of Fame City of Cleveland, Ohio … and he weighs in tonight at 215 pounds … he is the current SWF International Champion … ‘The Dean of Professional Wrestling’ … JAY HAWKE!” A lone spotlight shines at the top of the ramp as Jay Hawke makes his way down the aisle, the spotlight illuminating his glittering purple and black robe. As he approaches the ring, the crowd tells them exactly what they think of him… “JAY HAWKE SUCKS! JAY HAWKE SUCKS! JAY HAWKE SUCKS!” Hawke continues making his way to the ring, changing his usual routine as he actually takes the championship belt off as he walks down the aisle. As he enters the ring, he makes sure not to take his eyes of off TORU or his seconds, obviously expecting some sort of cheap shot to be forthcoming. King: “And there’s the brilliance of Jay Hawke. He is exchanging glances with TORU in an attempt to make sure he doesn’t get attacked from behind.” Pete: “Neither of these men are above breaking a rule or two to get an advantage, including attacking an opponent before the bell. Even I’m interested in how that dynamic plays out tonight.” Senior referee Matthew Kivell has finally talked Chris Card and Natasha to leave the ring. TORU Takahara looks down at Card, possibly looking for one last piece of advice, but all of a sudden he goes from staring at Chris Card to seeing nothing but a swirl of purple and black… Purple and black? Pete: “Jay Hawke has thrown his robe on top of TORU, and there’s a huge forearm smash to the side of the head!” *DING DING DING!* King: “Absolutely brilliant! Jay Hawke is now firing off a series of forearms to TORU’s head, and he can’t see any of them coming!” Chris Card screams cries of protest at the referee, but Matthew Kivell is too busy trying to get the robe off of TORU’s head to really listen to him. TORU takes a wild swing, nearly hitting the referee, who dives toward the mat to avoid the blow. Jay Hawke dives at TORU, taking him down with a lightning fast double-leg, before getting position on top of TORU and peppering him with yet another series of hard forearm smashes. Pete: “Jay Hawke’s got TORU down, and TORU’s been unable to even see Hawke to try to counter these blows!” King: “How the hell can you see somebody with a robe draped over your head, Pete?” Matthew Kivell is finally able to take the robe from off of TORU’s head and dumps it out of the ring. Jay Hawke doesn’t miss a beat though, driving his elbow into the side of TORU’s head. And again. And again. Pete: “A series of hard elbows strikes, and I wonder if he hasn’t picked up a little bit of that ultimate fighting style from JJ Johnson.” Jay Hawke continues to drive elbows and forearms into TORU’s head, with TORU crawling toward the ropes. TORU is finally able to reach the ropes, and Matthew Kivell starts a disqualification count. Jay Hawke reluctantly breaks his position at the count of four, but TORU quickly rolls to the outside. King: “And now a smart move by TORU. Rolling to the outside for a breather…” TORU Takahara looks up at Jay Hawke and gives him a double bird. “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” King: “…taunting the International Champion…” Jay Hawke looks down at TORU Takahara and spits in his face. “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” King: “And gets taunted right back by Jay Hawke.” An angry TORU Takahara immediately charges into the ring, and Jay Hawke quickly drops back down to the mat to greet him. They begin by trading forearm smashes on the mat, but the legal forearms quickly turn into hard right hands. Illegal closed-fist punches. And despite the fact that this has turned into a brawl, the crowd absolutely erupts. Pete: “Unbelievable! Any resemblance to a wrestling match is gone barely two minutes into the match, and this capacity crowd is as loud as it’s been all night!” King: “Of course! These are two guys these sickos want to see kill each other!” Matthew Kivell tries in vain to separate the two men as they somehow make their way to their feet. With both men finally working from a standing position, they grab each other’s hair while using their free hands to continue laying in the punches. King: “This is great. You’re going to see some good downhome cheating before this match is over, and…” Pete: “Good downhome cheating?” King: “Exactly. Forget the rules, just try to win. This is amazing.” TORU Takahara finally decides a change in strategy is probably in order. He decides to use his feet, catching Jay Hawke in the leg with a series of hard kicks that drop the International Champion to one knee. TORU then goes for a headlock, but Jay Hawke yanks at TORU’s hair to pull him down to the mat. TORU immediately hops up, and Jay Hawke locks him into a side headlock, only to be taken down by a handful of hair himself. Jay Hawke hops right back to his feet, but TORU Takahara quickly catches Hawke with a hard knee to the ribs. Jay Hawke drops to one knee, and TORU quickly snaps off a roundhouse kick to the Dean’s temple that has him falling face-first, nearly knocked out before he hits the mat. TORU immediately rolls Hawke onto his back and covers: ONE! TWO! THR -- kickout. Pete: “How did Hawke kick out of that? I thought for sure he was going to stay down right there.” King: “With the vacant look in his eyes right now, I’m not sure he’s even aware of where he is right now.” TORU grabs Jay Hawke by the hair and pulls him to his feet. Ignoring Matthew Kivell’s warning about the hair, mostly because he doesn’t understand English well enough to have any clue what the hell he just said, he locks Hawke into a front facelock, then sets up for a vertical suplex. He lifts Hawke into the air, but instead of falling backwards, he kneels down and drives Hawke’s back directly onto his knee. Pete: “Vertical backbreaker by TORU, and he’s covering Jay Hawke again!” ONE! TWO! THR -- kickout. King: “And he might be able to score a very quick victory over Jay Hawke if this keeps up.” TORU remains on his knees, but he wraps both hands around the Dean’s neck in an attempt to choke the life out of him. He breaks at the referee’s count of four, then goes right back to the chokehold. Again he breaks at four, and again he goes back to the choke. Upon breaking at four again, he turns and lifts the back of his hand toward the referee, almost as if to say “Try counting one more time and see what you get.” Pete: “Well, at least we’ve seen a couple of legal moves today. That’s better than nothing.” King: “Screw legal moves. Get back to the cheating!” TORU stands up and looks down at Jay Hawke, proud of the position he’s got the International Champion in. He goes to pick Hawke off the canvas, but Hawke comes back with a rake of the eyes. TORU holds his eyes, once again blinded, and Hawke again fires off a series of eight solid forearms that back TORU into the ropes. Jay Hawke runs into the ropes on the other side, only to get tripped up from behind by Natasha. Pete: “That should be an automatic disqualification!” King: “But the referee was checking on Takahara and didn’t see it!” Jay Hawke turns toward Natasha and grabs her by the hair, trying to pull her up onto the apron, but TORU has his vision somewhat cleared, and he clobbers Hawke from behind with a forearm smash. The crowd boos as Natasha falls safely to the arena floor. TORU then lifts Hawke into the air, seemingly setting up an atomic drop, before dropping him back-first across the knee. Pete: “And now an atomic backbreaker, and TORU using those backbreakers to keep the International Champion grounded and prevent him from using his technical ability to gain control.” King: “Pete, are you making these names for the backbreakers up as you go along?” Pete: “I’m only using one of your usual tactics.” King: “Exactly. Stop stealing from me.” TORU lifts Jay Hawke up, then brings him back down across the knee for a more conventional backbreaker. TORU immediately drops into a cover: ONE! TWO! Kickout. TORU Takahara once again grabs Jay Hawke by the hair to lift him to his feet, then locks him into a front headlock. TORU then spins around, taking Hawke down with a neck breaker and dropping down into another cover: ONE! TWO! T -- kickout. Pete: “A couple of quick near falls, and I can’t remember the last time I saw Jay Hawke in this much trouble.” King: “I can’t remember the last time Hawke took on someone so willing to do whatever it absolutely took to win!” With another handful of hair, TORU drags the Dean of Professional Wrestling to his feet and Irish whips him into a corner. TORU then charges, leaving his feet to dropkick Hawke in the corner. CRASH! That crash, however, was TORU crashing to the canvas after dropkicking the top turnbuckle, as Hawke just barely ducked out of the way. Pete: “My God! Jay Hawke was able to avoid that dropkick, and that’s going to be the thing that turns this match around!” King: “It might very well be, and I think this would be a perfect time for Hawke to cover! I think TORU’s had the wind knocked out of him!” If Hawke could have heard the comment King just made, he would have said “Let’s be absolutely sure of that.” He begins choking the life out of TORU, only stopping at the referee’s four count. Another chokehold, another count of four. And a third time. Upon this break, Jay Hawke cocks his fist, looking to punch the referee if he tries to break them up again. Pete: “These two men better be careful. If there’s any sort of disqualification, they’re going to be out of the tournament!” King: “But with the intensity these two men have been showing, I’d be surprised if this match didn’t end on a disqualification!” Jay Hawke pulls TORU to his feet by his hair, before locking the Japanese tag team specialist into a front facelock. Hawke sneaks a chokehold in while he has the headlock locked in, only to be caught by Matthew Kivell. Hawke stops choking at the count of four and immediately spins TORU around, dropping him down with a beautiful spinning neck breaker. Hawke immediately covers, hooking the far leg for additional leverage: ONE! TWO! Kickout. Jay Hawke quickly stands and drops an elbow across TORU’s chest, then stands again and drops a leg across TORU’s head and neck. Down into another cover: ONE! TWO! Kickout. Jay Hawke stands and drives a knee into the side of his opponent’s head, then once again goes for the cover: ONE! TWO! Kickout. Pete: “And now it’s Jay Hawke who’s gotten three near falls in a matter of thirty seconds or so!” King: “This is brilliant wrestling on both sides! Both men are seemingly trying to out cheat each other, but when they sense the opponens is beat, they remember the basic fundamentals and go for the immediate pin!” Jay Hawke climbs up onto the middle turnbuckle, waiting for his opponent to get to his feet and make his next move. Natasha hops up onto the ring apron, diverting the attention of the referee just long enough for Chris Card to get onto the apron and push Hawke off the turnbuckle. Hawke crashes to the mat, and Natasha returns to the floor. Pete: “The referee turns around, but not soon enough to take see Card help TORU gain an illegal advantage!” King: “Hey, it would only be an illegal advantage if he got caught, MacDougal. Instead, all it looks like to the referee is that TORU Takahara is on the comeback trail.” TORU Takahara makes his way to his feet. He looks down at his opponent, then kneels down at his fallen body and gives him a double bird. The crowd boos TORU’s brashness, but TORU doesn’t even hear them as he climbs up to the top turnbuckle. Jay Hawke begins to pull himself to his feet, gasping for breath as he does so. As he stands, TORU leaps off the turnbuckle, catching Hawke with a tremendous missile dropkick that drops him like a shot while nearly decapitating him at the same time. TORU goes into the cover: ONE! TWO! THR -- kickout. Pete: “Another near fall for Takahara, and I’m not sure I like these odds for Jay Hawke. That was set up by the interference from Chris Card and Natasha, and that’s twice the momentum has changed because of them.” TORU puts one boot on Hawke’s head around his eyes, then spins to rake the eyes. King: “But with tactics like that, he probably would have gotten the advantage again before long anyway.” Pete: “Quite possible, but I’d like to see that for myself.” TORU picks Jay Hawke up, and brings him back down over his knee. TORU doesn’t release Hawke, instead picking him up and bringing him down with another backbreaker. Again TORU hangs on, continuing to keep Hawke in his arms. TORU looks down at Chris Card, who nods, and TORU instantaneously backflips while STILL HANGING ON TO THE MOTHERFUCKING INTERNATIONAL CHAMPION! Pete: “Blockbuster slam! It’s over!” ONE! TWO! THRE -- shoulder up. King: “NO! Only two!” Pete: “How did he kick out of that?” That is apparently the very question TORU has, as he stares at Matthew Kivell in disbelief. Chris Card shouts encouragement at TORU, telling him to ignore the ref and continue the attack. TORU obliges, driving a couple of knees into Hawke’s ribs as Hawke makes his way to his knees. TORU then ends up behind Jay Hawke, trapping his arms and lifting him into the air before dropping him square onto his head. Pete: “TORU Driver! This one has to be over! There’s the cover!” ONE! TWO! Kickout. King: “And again Hawke kicks out. I tell you, Pete, I don’t think anybody knew Hawke could take this much punishment! We’re so used to seeing him on offense more often than not that I don’t think we’ve ever seen him take this kind of abuse!” TORU Takahara drives a knee into the throat of the prone International Champion, then leaves it there until the referee once again reaches the count of four. The World Tag Team Champion then makes the cutthroat gesture, then moves toward the corner, ready to once again ascend the top rope. Pete: “And TORU is once again making his way to the top turnbuckle. If he hits this, this match could be history.” TORU is up on the top turnbuckle, knees buckling a little bit from the fatigue of over ten minutes of grueling action. When he gets his balance, he leaps, going for the TORU Hammer that would surely allow him to advance to the semifinals… THUD! “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Pete: “Jay Hawke moves out of the way just in the nick of time, and TORU might have injured his knee coming off the top rope!” King: “And you can bet Jay Hawke is going to take advantage of that if at all possible!” Indeed, Jay Hawke does seize the opportunity, lifting one of TORU’s legs and repeatedly driving his knee into the inside of his opponent’s knee. Undaunted, Hawke once again lifts TORU’s leg, this time dropping a leg across the inside of the knee. Hawke then spins into a spinning toehold and bends down to complete the figure-four leglock, but TORU takes Hawke over thanks to a handful of hair. Pete: “TORU Takahara avoiding the figure-four leglock there!” King: “And Jay Hawke might want to consider shaving his head the next time he wrestles a member of TKO. That’s four or five times TORU’s used the hair to his advantage.” TORU makes his way to his feet, but he is hobbling ever-so-slightly thanks to the last moment of knee work. He drives Hawke back into the corner with a series of swift kicks to the stomach and thighs, then whips Hawke into the opposite corner. TORU charges, shooting for a high knee, but Hawke moves out of the way. TORU’s knee hits the buckle hard, and Hawke is there to quickly lock TORU Takahara into a figure-four leglock almost before TORU’s back hits the canvas. “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Pete: “The figure-four leglock is locked on in the center of the ring. TORU might have no choice but to tap out here!” The referee moves in to see if TORU submits, unaware that Jay Hawke has grabbed a hold of the middle rope for additional leverage. TORU screams in agony thanks to the added leverage, and Hawke manages to release the ropes merely seconds before Kivell turns toward him. King: “Just like I said earlier, Pete. Good downhome cheating.” Pete: “Will you stop?” Jay Hawke won’t stop using the ropes like a tag team partner, once again grabbing the middle rope for leverage. This time Natasha doesn’t wait for the referee to turn around. Instead, she runs across the ring and digs her fingers into Hawke’s eyes, blinding him with her long fingernails. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Pete: “Come on now! That’s three times somebody has interfered in the contest and turned the advantage around!” King: “You make it sound like you expect something different from TKO.” Pete: “Well, you do make a good point.” Matthew Kivell turns around to warn Natasha about the interference that he didn’t see, and TORU crawls over to his opponent and begins to choke him down. Meanwhile, the crowd begins to stir as the other members of Cucaracha Internacional begin to make their way to the ring. Pete: “And here come Landon Maddix and JJ Johnson!” King: “Now what right do they have out here?” Pete: “Not much, but considering it’s been three against one all night, why not?” King: “Oh, JJ can stay. But this is twice tonight I’ve had to deal with Landon.” Kivell then turns and warns Maddix and Johnson not to get involved in the contest, even as TORU continues to choke Jay Hawke down. Finally Kivell turns around and sees the illegal chokehold, and TORU immediately releases it like he’s just had it on for a couple of seconds. Pete: “TORU finally releases the chokehold, but how can Hawke breathe?” King: “He can’t. TORU had to at least have had Hawke in that chokehold for 20 or 30 seconds.” As Hawke gasps for every breath of oxygen he can get, TORU motions for him to get to his feet. Hawke finally begins to stand, and TORU lifts his right arm in the air to signal the lariat. He runs into the ropes, only for Landon Maddix to trip TORU. King: “Now what was the call for that?” Pete: “He’s merely fighting fire with fire, King!” Natasha hops up onto the ring apron to protest the interference as TORU reaches through the ropes and grabs a hold of Landon Maddix, but JJ Johnson reaches through and levels TORU with a right hand. TORU staggers backwards, and Jay Hawke instinctively rolls him up into a cradle. Pete: “One! Two! Three! Four!” King: “Keep counting all you want to, Pete, but there’s no referee!” Chris Card goes over and begins to slide into the ring to assist TORU, but Landon Maddix is there to drag Card out before he can completely enter the ring and level him with a right hand as JJ Johnson follows, keeping several feet behind Landon just in case. TORU finally kicks out of the cradle. Hawke turns around, and TORU catches him with a roundhouse kick to the temple. Pete: “All hell’s breaking loose out here, and the referee is still tied up with Natasha!” TORU picks Hawke up and goes for a basic body slam, but Jay Hawke counters into an inside cradle. No count is forthcoming though, as Matthew Kivell is still distracted by Natasha. Pete: “Come on! What is Kivell doing, asking Natasha for a date?” King: “He doesn’t take no for an answer, does he?” The crowd begins to erupt again, as KOJI Kitano hops the guardrail on the near side of the hard camera and slides into the ring. King: “There’s KOJI!” Pete: “And he’s got a lead pipe in his hand!” KOJI hits Jay Hawke in the back of the head with the lead pipe… “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” …then sets the two combatants up so that TORU is lying on top of Hawke for the pin. He quickly slides out of the ring, looking at the crowd and raising the pipe in triumph. King: “And Natasha still has the referee tied up! This is absolutely brilliant!” JJ Johnson looks in the ring and sees the position the two combatants are in. Seeing that the referee is still distracted, Johnson quickly ascends to the top rope and leaps, hitting TORU in the back of the head with a diving head BUTT just as Natasha is finally getting off the apron. “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” As the referee tells Natasha that this is her final warning for interference, Johnson makes damn sure it’s Hawke lying on top of TORU as KOJI celebrates, unaware of what’s going on. Johnson slides out of the ring, only a half-second before Kivell finally turns around and slides into position for the count as the crowd, despite their dislike for Jay Hawke, counts along: ONE! TWO! THREE! *DING DING DING!* KOJI Kitano turns in celebration, but instead of the smile he has been brandishing, his jaw has now dropped at the sight of Hawke lying on top of TORU. Pete: “He got him! Jay Hawke advances to the second round!” Funyon: “Ladies and gentlemen, in 12 minutes 36 seconds, the winner of this contest … advancing in the tournament … JAY HAWKE!” The crowd gives a mixed reaction, but there are a hell of a lot of cheers as JJ Johnson quickly pulls Jay Hawke out of the ring before KOJI can think to attack. Pete: “Jay Hawke advances in the tournament, and he will meet the winner of the Wildchild-Johnny Dangerous match! But what a wild one! That wasn’t so much a wrestling match as it was a fight!” Landon Maddix hands the International Championship belt to Jay Hawke, and Cucaracha Internacional begins heading to the locker room before TKO can react. King: “And I think we saw the impossible tonight, Pete. I think we saw Jay Hawke find a way to out cheat the dirtiest cheaters in the SWF. Even being affiliated with the piece of scum that is Landon Maddix, he makes me so proud.” Pete: “If you thought this tournament has started off like gangbusters, what will the rest of the tournament hold?” King: “Bloodshed? I hope so!” Pete: “It was an incredible battle of champions, but tonight, it’s Jay Hawke reigning supreme!” ©2005 Smarks Wrestling Federation

Um...if that's true, then why this thread?

The key to that is "at the end of the battle royale". What were we supposed to do, flip a coin? This isn't WWF circa 1982.

FRIDAY Arizona at Arizona State Nebraska at Colorado SATURDAY Maryland at N.C. State UAB at East Carolina Tennessee at Kentucky Iowa State at Kansas Mississippi at Mississippi State Marshall at Memphis Louisiana-Lafayette at Louisiana-Monroe Florida State at Florida Idaho at San Jose State Georgia at Georgia Tech Tiebreak #1: How many total points will be scored in the Nebraska/Colorado game? 45 Tiebreak #2: How many yards passing will Florida's Chris Leak have against Florida State? 221

I was basically shooting for two things: 1. How is Jay Hawke supposed to beat TORU when TORU's going to cheat everytime he's at a disadvantage? 2. With Hawke already upset that he has to "earn" a shot at ELM after his extended International Title reign, I wanted to show he'd do anything to get said World Title shot.

If I get booked to replace an unbooking, I'll cry. Well, not really, but I'll likely no show since it's the day after Thanksgiving and my real-life job is retail.

I always lie. Unless I'm telling the truth.

Goddammit Toxx, for someone who didn't want a singles push you sure had to stoop pretty low to throw the Eddy tribute in there. Ah, I'm kidding. Hell of a match, but I was really hoping to win the tourney so I could avoid having to win the Clusterfuck to get the shot.

Um...outside of PPVs it's been that way since I joined in February. An exception here or there, obviously, but in general

I'm afraid. Very afraid.

And I'm just glad I won a game or two this season. Seriously, I guessed last year and did a better job.

SATURDAY Missouri at Kansas State Boston College at Maryland Virginia Tech at Virginia Central Michigan at Ball State Minnesota at Iowa Oklahoma at Texas Tech Purdue at Indiana Ohio State at Michigan Oklahoma State at Baylor Utah at BYU Washington State at Washington Alabama at Auburn East Carolina at Marshall California at Stanford Clemson at South Carolina Tiebreak #1: How many total points will be scored in the Ohio State/Michigan game? 30 Tiebreak #2: How many rushing yards will Washington State's Jerome Harrison have against Washington? 115

I'm curious as to what people thought of my battle royal. I've never written one of these in quite this style before, so any feedback is appreciated. Even at 158 days as International Champion, I could still learn a thing or two on occasion. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Pete: “And we are down to our huge main event here on Family Friendly Lockdown. Coming up next, we’ll have the huge battle royal to determine the seedings for the Cold Front Classic tournament, with the eventual winner getting a shot at the World Heavyweight Championship at…um…” King: “You’d think they’d change the name of that pay-per-view to coincide with the family-friendly rules, wouldn’t you?” Pete: “At any rate, nine people compete tonight. One person will be eliminated in the early stages of the match tonight. The other eight move on to determine the seedings and pairings for the remainder of the tournament.” King: “The winner will be the number one seed. He takes on the eighth place finisher. The second place winner takes on the seventh place winner, and so on and so forth.” Pete: “And if you’ll recall, Landon Maddix won the battle royal last year, became the number one seed, and not only went on to win the tournament, but he wound up winning the SWF World Heavyweight Championship.” King: “And when the referee called for the bell that night, an angel lost its wings.” Pete: “We’ll show you the complete brackets before we go off the air tonight. But right now, we go to Funyon for the introductions of this main event matchup.” *DING DING DING!* Funyon: “Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a nine-person over the top rope battle royal to determine the seedings in the Cold Front Classic Tournament! Here are the rules. Elimination occurs when a wrestler, either by force or by his own volition, is thrown over the top rope with both feet hitting the arena floor. The first wrestler eliminated is eliminated from further competition in the tournament. The second man eliminated will be the eighth seed, the third man will be the seventh seed, and so on, with the winner being the number one seed in the tournament. The eventual winner of the tournament will be declared the number one contender to the World Heavyweight Championship and receive a title shot at an upcoming pay-per-view event!” King: “OK, we get it! Geez, it’s only a two hour show!” Funyon: “And now, introducing the participants.” "ALLOW ME TO RE-INTRODUCE MYSELF!" "MY NAME IS..." *BOOM!* Large, maroon pyro goes off and the Masked Crusader steps onto the ramp, walking coldly to the ring. Funyon: “Introducing first. From Cairo, Egypt, weighing in at 273 pounds … THE MASKED CRUSADER!” Pete: “And here’s a man we know very little about, King.” King: “I know he’s big, I know he wears a mask, and I’m sure he has to be better than last year’s tournament winner, Landon Maddix.” “China Girl” by David Bowie comes over the PA. Funyon: “From Tokyo, Japan, and weighing in at 124 pounds … CANDACE … “The Joshi Dragon” … OKIMUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURA!” “YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!” Pete: “And I’m not sure there’s ever been a bigger underdog in a battle royal like this, King.” King: “Well, MacDougal, I know this. She picked up a huge win at Ashes 2 Ashes a couple of weeks ago, but there’s no way she can last in there tonight. She’s obviously the first one eliminated and the one person watching the Cold Front Classic on television.” “Johnny Dangerous!” Suddenly, the lights dim, and a sultry female voice breathes the name of the SWF’s resident super-spy. “After The Flesh” by My Life With The Thrill Kill Cult begins to thump through the crowds. Smoke fills the stage as tons of strobes cut through it and Johnny Dangerous walks out onto center stage. Funyon: “From Las Vegas, Nevada … weighing in at 217 pounds … “The Barracuda” … JOHNNY DANNNNNNNNNNGEROUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS!” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” King: “Now here’s one of the odds-on favorites, Pete!” Pete: “He’s certainly got a chance of winning the entire tournament, but he’s going to have to get by his former tag team partner first.” King: “Wildchild? He’ll eliminate himself before he ever gets both feet in the ring!” The house lights dim and Mastodon's "Crusher Destroyer" hits, as multi-colored strobes flash and pulse in time with the music. The anticipation swelling and the buzz in the arena reaching a fever pitch, Manson walks out moments later to a large, resounding amount of boos. Funyon: “From Denver, Colorado … weighing in at 260 pounds … MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANSOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!” King: “Do you think anybody will explode tonight?” Pete: “I don’t know. I doubt it.” King: “I mean, Spike Jenkins is out there tonight, and a lot of people think he might actually be the World Champion right now had he not been blown up into about 180 pieces two weeks earlier.” Pete: “Um…that’s supposed to be like Bobby Ewing dying. It never happened.” King: “Who?” When every light in the arena goes to full power as the Smarktron whites out. For a moment the only sound is that of a needle scratching over vinyl... And then *BAM* The crashing guitars of Lamb of God’s “Black Label” send a bolt through the crowd. The drumming sends a jolt throughout the arena, as the pace of the intro begins to pick up. Finally… “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” The high-pitched scream of Randy Blythe breaks through the speakers as the bright white lights begin flashing at the entranceway. As the scream hits the crowd, Spike walks out wearing a black hoodie on, the hood covering most of his face. Spike drops down to one knee, leaving one arm to hang to the ground, while the other is firmly placed on his knee. After a few moments, Spike raises both arms into an “X”, symbolizing his Straight Edge life style. Spike rises to his feet and begins to make his way down the isle towards the ring. Funyon: “From Hollywood, California … weighing 220 pounds … ‘HOLLYWOOD’ SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE JENNNNNNNNNNKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS!” Spike makes his way completely around the ring and rolls underneath the bottom rope. He continues rolling until he hits dead center in the middle of the ring. Spike rises to one knee and resumes the position he was in at the top of the entranceway. One arm hanging to the ground, the other placed on his knee. Finally, Spike rises to his feet. He quickly peels off the hood, releasing his blonde, dyed hair free. He puts his arms together, forming an “X” across his chest, again promoting his Straight Edge life style. King: “Spike, it’s a battle royal, not an episode of Love Connection! Do a little less with the entrance!” “Bouncin’ Back” by Mystikal comes on the PA. Funyon: “From the Bahamas … weighing in at 214 pounds … WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILDCHIIIIIIIIILD!” Pete: “And take a look into his eyes, King. No frills, no pyro. Just a look of determination.” King: “And all eyes focused on Johnny Dangerous, but he’d better remember there’s seven other people in there that he needs to worry about.” The lights drop out. "HE HAS NOT CONFESSED, HE HAS MADE NO STATEMENT, CHARGES OF MURDER HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED AGAINST HIM." And with that, the opening notes of Fear Factory's "Scapegoat" burst forth from the speakers, the lights flashing red and white on the two grungy tones before dropping back into black. Funyon: “From Windsor, Ontario, Canada … weighing in at 219 pounds … the SWF Cruiserweight Champion … JJ JOHNSON!” The Smarktron kicks into life, showing various highlights from JJ Johnson's matches, as the lights continue to flash on the notes, alternating red and white with each tone that emanates from the sound system. The drums kick in, and the house lights fade in, only slightly, bathing the arena in an eerie blood red light as smoke begins to billow from the stage... RRRRRRRRRRAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! ...before Burton C. Bell's throaty growl comes tearing out of the speakers, and with it comes Johnson, his already somewhat intimidating look accented by the flashing lights. The Canadian strides forward, his eyes never leaving his opponent as he trots up the steps before stepping into the ring and climbing to the second rope, throwing his arms wide as he glares out over the crowd. After a moment, he steps back down, and removes his jacket before stretching/standing there/juggling chainsaws/whatever. Pete: “What, no comments about Johnson’s elaborate entrance?” King: “Nah. Johnson’s entrance is good, unlike Spike’s.” ‘Teethgrinder’ by Therapy starts up causing everyone in the arena to start booing. Funyon: “From Saitama Prefecture, Japan … weighing in at 264 pounds … one-half of the SWF Tag Team Champions … TORU Takahara!” Pete: “And here comes TORU. No trademark trenchcoat, no managers as they’ve all been barred from ringside…just himself and his natural abilities.” King: “Are you sure managers have been barred from ringside?” Pete: “I’d certainly hope so.” King: “This is wrestling, Pete. Managers are never barred from ringside, even when creative control says they’re barred from ringside.” “Learning to Fly” by Pink Floyd comes on the PA. Funyon: “And finally, from the Hall of Fame City of Cleveland, Ohio … weighing in at 215 pounds … the SWF International Champion … ‘The Dean of Professional Wrestling’ … JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY HAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWKE!” King: “And if anybody knows how to outlast eight men at one shot, it’s this guy here! For over five months, he has been the International Champion. And now he’s just five matches away from becoming the World Heavyweight Champion and dominating that championship too!” Pete: “The International Champion is about to enter the ring. And when he does, the bell will ring, and nine men will face each other for the honor of competing in the Cold Front Classic.” *DINGDINGDING!* Pete: “And they’re off!” King: “Pete, it’s a wrestling match, not the Kentucky Derby.” And it’s a wrestling match that starts off with eighteen fists flying, as people begin to throw punches almost as a self-defense mechanism. After a few seconds, wrestlers begin to pair off. Wildchild with JJ Johnson. Spike Jenkins with Jay Hawke. The Masked Crusader with Candace Okimura. Johnny Dangerous with Manson. King: “And look at TORU! He’s made his way back into a corner, and he’s going to let everybody else beat each other up.” Pete: “He only needs to do that long enough for one person to get eliminated and guarantee himself a spot in the tourney.” And it would have worked too, if he hadn’t gotten spotted by Wildchild out of the corner of his eye. Wildchild backs JJ Johnson up with a couple of forearm smashes, then runs into the ropes. Johnson sees him coming and ducks for a backdrop, but Wildchild lands on his feet and makes a beeline to TORU Takahara, leveling him with a dropkick that backs him up against the turnbuckle. Wildchild immediately reaches for his legs to try and elevate him for the elimination, but TORU stops that by raking the Bahama Bomber’s eyes with his bootlaces. Meanwhile, JJ Johnson has gone over to help Jay Hawke with Spike Jenkins. They pepper Spike with a series of forearm smashes, alternating which side of the head they’re hitting. Candace Okimura runs in out of nowhere, attempting to dive onto Jay Hawke, but Hawke catches the much smaller joshi favorite in midair. Hawke presses her over his head, seemingly prepared to dump her over the top rope, but Candace grabs the top rope to balance herself, then spins around to take the Dean of Wrestling down with a modified arm drag takedown. She turns around, only to get met face-to-foot with a roundhouse kick from JJ Johnson that nearly has her head rolling to nearby Cobo Hall. King: “I thought they did away with beheadings back in medieval times, but I’ll be darned, I just saw one.” Pete: “I’ll be darned?” King: “I wasn’t sure I could get away with the proper expression on Lockdown.” The Masked Crusader moves in, attempting to take advantage of Candace’s prone state and move himself directly into the tournament. He lifts Candace, but has trouble with even her lack of weight, as she’s out cold and thus dead weight. No matter. He picks her up, appearing ready to body slam her over the top rope, but as he runs toward the proper side of the ring, Candace is able scissor his arm. He goes for the slam, but Candace hooks the top rope while maintaining the scissors, using the Crusader’s momentum to send the masked wrester over the top rope to the arena floor while sliding back into the ring to prevent her own elimination. “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” Funyon: “The Masked Crusader has been eliminated!” Pete: “So The Masked Crusader is gone from the tournament, and you’re looking at the eight competitors who will advance into the quarterfinals!” King: “And the chick eliminated the Crusader too! I hope his friends believe in equal rights and women’s liberation, because otherwise he getting razzed at work tomorrow!” Meanwhile, Johnny Dangerous and Wildchild have locked eyes. The crowd roars with anticipation, but TORU Takahara stops it with a dropkick to Wildchild’s back. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Pete: “You think these fans want to see Wildchild and Johnny Dangerous one-on-one?” King: “I think they just hate TORU.” Over in a corner, Manson and JJ Johnson are locked up, as JJ hooks Manson’s arm and drives him down to the mat, driving the point of the elbow into Manson’s shoulder. In another corner, Jay Hawke is trying to eliminate Spike Jenkins from the match, but Spike is hanging onto the top rope for dear life. Hawke is audibly calling for help, and Johnson releases his grip on Manson’s arm and tries to help The Dean eliminate Spike. King: “Now this is brilliant. The two members of Cucaracha Internacional are working together in the early stages of this battle royal!” Pete: “Why?” King: “Simple. If they eliminate the competition, they can face each other in the finals and guarantee one of them getting the title shot at El Luchador Magnifico! It’s brilliant!” Just as it appears that Spike is going to be the number eight seed, TORU catches Wildchild with a lariat, the force of which knocks Wildchild down onto Jay Hawke’s legs. The Bahama Bomber clips Hawke just enough that, while the Dean isn’t really hurt, he’s lost his leverage on Spike, so Spike is able to catch JJ Johnson with an elbow to the head and bring himself back into the ring. King: “Oh man. Even with two champions trying to eliminate him, Spike Jenkins winds up surviving. Life’s not fair, Pete!” Hawke turns toward Wildchild in anger and begins stomping away at him. Just behind them, Spike Jenkins tries to lift JJ Johnson’s legs and dump him over the top rope, but Johnson brings his knees up and levels him with a series of knee strikes that would have felled a normal man. And since Spike, despite his Hollywood good looks and main event potential, is still about as normal as a man can get, he’s down to the mat. In another area of the ring, Johnny Dangerous has a hold of Candace Okimura. Dangerous whips her across the ring, forcing her to rebound off the ropes. He lifts her into the air behind him, but she is able to land on the middle rope before spring boarding off and catching Dangerous in the back of the head with a forearm. Manson runs in, and Candace levels him with a couple of knife-edge chops that seem to anger Manson more than hurt him. He smiles, Candace’s eyes widen in shock, and Manson gloms her with a clothesline. The momentum takes Candace over the top rope, but she lands on the apron. As Candace gains her footing on the apron, Manson smiles, looking for one key blow to eliminate her, but Spike Jenkins catches Manson with a lariat to the back of the head. The move knocks Manson toward the ropes, and the Joshi Dragon pulls down the top rope. The modified height of the top rope is enough for Manson to lose his balance and fall out of the ring to the arena floor as Candace once again falls to the apron but slides into the ring. “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” Funyon: “Manson has been eliminated and will be the number eight seed in the tournament!” Pete: “Some tremendous ring presence from Candace Okimura there, as she takes advantage of Spike Jenkins’ lariat to help eliminate Manson!” King: “And Manson will meet the winner of this battle royal in the first round of the tournament!” That winner might not be TORU Takahara, at least not if Wildchild has anything to do with it. Wildchild backs TORU into the ropes with a dropkick. He runs off the ropes and, using his superior speed, comes back and levels TORU with a flying back elbow. He runs off the ropes again. As he starts his rebound, Johnny Dangerous knocks JJ Johnson face-first into his running path. Wildchild improvises, using JJ’s back as a springboard to catch TORU with a leg lariat, the momentum of which sends both men tumbling over the top rope. Both men land on the apron, and they begin to trade forearms on the apron. Pete: “Dangerous situation right here!” King: “All it takes is one man to get whipped into the ropes right now, and we’ll have two men eliminated from the battle royal.” A forearm knocks TORU down to the apron, and TORU struggles to hang on to the bottom rope to keep himself from falling to the floor, doing so with one hand. Wildchild begins to kick TORU’s hand, but he stops and looks to his left. Pete: “JJ Johnson has just leveled Johnny Dangerous with a Yakuza kick to the side of the head, and he rocked the Barracuda with that one!” With Dangerous staggering in the center of the ring, Wildchild sees his opportunity. Forgetting about TORU, he leaps and springboards off the top rope, flipping into a dropkick. However, Dangerous sees him out of the corner of his eye and ducks. Wildchild curses under his breath, partly because he couldn’t hit Dangerous, and partly because Johnny ducking left Candace Okimura wide open to eat two Bahaman feet to her pretty Japanese face. “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Candace falls down in a heap as Wildchild looks down with a look of concern. Of course, that means he turned his back to Jay Hawke, who grabs Wildchild from behind and brings him down with a vicious release German suplex that nearly folded him in half. Pete: “Wildchild tried to get a shot in on Johnny Dangerous while he had the chance, but he missed and took out poor Candace Okimura instead!” King: “And that was stupid for three reasons! One, he’ll get his shot at Dangerous sooner or later, possibly tonight! Second, he had TORU all but eliminated and let him off the hook. Three, he felt so bad for knocking the Oriental chick down that he left himself open to get folded like an accordion, thanks to the International Champion!” TORU walks over to a prone Candace Okimura. It’s Japan on Japan violence forthcoming, as TORU picks Candace off the canvas and fires off a series of stiff knees to the face. TORU then lifts her into a body slam position before spinning her around and swinging her into a backbreaker. TORU gives off a sick smile as he admires his handiwork. He turns around, only for Spike Jenkins to catch him underneath the jaw with a series of uppercut open palm strikes. Pete: “What a hard series of strikes from Spike Jenkins in there! He’s got TORU Takahara reeling!” King: “But he’d better not think he’s got TORU eliminated until he actually has TORU eliminated!” Spike takes advantage of a staggering TORU, leveling him with a series of quick kicks, followed by a knockout kick to the face. TORU falls to his knees, then to his face on the canvas. Jay Hawke moves in, trying to catch Spike unaware, but Spike catches the International coming in with a super kick to the face that drops Hawke faster than a sack of garbage. Pete: “Last Dance! Spike Jenkins is on an absolute roll right now!” Wildchild comes into the picture out of nowhere, catching Spike in the face with a flying leg lariat. Spike stumbles backwards and trips over TORU’s fallen carcass, which gets him just off-balance enough for Spike to tumble over the top rope and onto the arena floor. The crowd gives a split reaction, cheering for the move by Wildchild as much as booing Spike’s elimination. Funyon: “Spike Jenkins has been eliminated and will be the number seven seed in the tournament!” King: “And Spike actually lasted a spot or two longer than he really deserved to!” Pete: “He’s only the third man eliminated so far!” King: “Thank you for proving my point, Pete!” Wildchild turns and sees Johnny Dangerous square in his sights. He moves in, but JJ Johnson runs in and catches Wildchild in the side of the face with a flying side kick. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Meanwhile, as the crowd boos the Wildchild-Dangerous feud once again being teased with no actual results, Jay Hawke is on his feet. After shaking his head to clear himself from the Last Dance, he picks up a prone TORU Takahara. He locks him into a front headlock and cranks down on it before quickly spiking him down to the canvas with a DDT. “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Pete: “And Hawke is going after TORU Takahara in what might be as close to a rematch from Ashes 2 Ashes as we’ll see between these two!” King: “And with TORU nearly knocked out already, Hawke tried to cave in TORU’s head with that vicious DDT. I haven’t seen him take a man down that hard with that move since he did it to the late Insane Luchador on the concrete floor.” With TORU seemingly out for the count, Jay Hawke walks over to JJ Johnson, who is struggling in his attempt to dump Wildchild over the top rope. Hawke tries to help JJ with the situation, putting all his weight underneath Wildchild in an attempt to dump him over. Wildchild prevents it by hooking both arms around the top rope. Johnny Dangerous smiles in a corner looking at the situation and moves in, putting his weight underneath Wildchild’s buttocks to lift him up just a little further. The crowd screams, seemingly thinking Wildchild might be done, but as all three men flip him over the top rope, Wildchild lands on the apron. Pete: “Wildchild still trying to hang on here! The position of his arms on the top rope are what saved him right there!” Wildchild is able to use his head to catch JJ in the gut, then Hawke, then finally Dangerous. Wildchild crawls through the ropes and makes a move at Dangerous, but Johnson and Hawke each catch Wildchild with a knee to the head before he can get a hand on him. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Pete: “And take a look at that! Dangerous makes his move at Wildchild when two men are working on him, but he refuses to meet Wildchild head on!” King: “What are you saying? That Jay Hawke and JJ Johnson are trying to protect Johnny Dangerous somehow? What a ludicrous statement!” As Pete tries to explain his side of things, Candace Okimura is trying in vain to dump TORU Takahara over the top rope. The weight difference is simply too much, and she can’t lift TORU over the top rope. Sensing she’ll need momentum to get the job done, she runs off the ropes and comes back with a flying knee strike that backs TORU against the ropes. She runs off the ropes again, this time coming back with a spinning heel kick that has TORU leaning off balance just a little bit. She runs off the ropes and leaps, but this time she gets caught. TORU hangs onto her for a second and sets her up, almost as if he’s going for a Hotshot. Instead he falls backwards, dumping Candace over the top rope. The crowd screams as Candace, possibly out of instinct, hooks the bottom rope with her feet on the way down to prevent herself from being eliminated. Pete: “Can you believe this? This is the third or fourth time tonight that Candace Okimura has been just seconds away from being eliminated!” King: “But two or three times she survived! She might not so lucky this time.” TORU kicks away at Candace, almost begging Candace to fall to the floor. Candace is a stubborn joshi wench though, and not only does she not fall to the floor, but she also reaches up to try to grab the ropes. TORU continues kicking away, but Candace does grab the ropes and pulls herself up onto the apron. TORU is unrelenting in his assault, continuing to level her with stiff kicks, but she refuses to loosen her grip as the crowd chants: “LET’S GO CAN-DACE!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!* “LET’S GO CAN-DACE!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!* “LET’S GO CAN-DACE!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!* A hard Yakuza kick appears to be the trick, as Candace’s grip loosens to one hand on the top rope. TORU goes for another kick, but Candace ducks and lunges in with a shoulder block to the midsection. TORU doubles over, which buys Candace just enough time to grab the rope with other hand. TORU moves in, and Candace flips up, hooks TORU’s head into a scissors, then flips backwards, taking TORU over the top rope to the floor with a rana while barely hanging on herself. Funyon: “TORU Takahara has been eliminated and will be the number six seed!” “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” Candace Okimura, still hanging onto the top rope, uses it to flip herself back in and stay alive in the contest as the crowd begins to give her a huge ovation. Pete: “She just eliminated one-half of the World Tag Team Champions!” King: “I can’t believe it! She’s like my ex-wife! She just won’t let go no matter what you do to her!” Candace Okimura turns around…and walks smack into a Johnny Kick. “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Pete: “And before she can even get a chance to savor the moment, Johnny Dangerous just leveled her with that super kick!” King: “Do you have any idea how many times I wanted to do that to my ex-wife?” JJ Johnson attacks Johnny Dangerous from behind, wrapping him by the waist and driving him to the canvas with a German suplex. On the other side of the ring, we see Jay Hawke hanging on to an arm of Wildchild, repeatedly driving an elbow into the insertion of the shoulder of the fastest man in the SWF. Hawke then drives a knee into the midsection, following it up with a European uppercut. He then looks toward JJ Johnson, who looks back and nods. Pete: “Some communication here from the members Cucaracha Internacional. What could they be setting up here?” King: “Something cool, I’m sure.” JJ Johnson picks Johnny Dangerous up and tosses him into a turnbuckle, as Jay Hawke drives another knee into Wildchild’s midsection in the opposite corner. Jay Hawke turns back and shouts “NOW!” Hawke whips Wildchild, Johnson whips Dangerous… SMACK! “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” Pete: “JJ Johnson and Jay Hawke just whipped Wildchild and Johnny Dangerous into each other!” King: “And they’re backing off into a corner. This is brilliant. Candace is out cold, and they’re going to let these two settle it while getting a breather!” Wildchild and Johnny Dangerous each take a moment to gather their thoughts, then look up and see each other. Wildchild smiles as Johnny’s eyes light up… “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” Pete: “…and it’s on!” Indeed it is, as Wildchild sends off a series of rapid fire forearms into the side of Johnny Dangerous’ head. Dangerous staggers backwards, and before he can get his thoughts together, Wildchild is able to leap into the air and take Dangerous down with a snap rana. Dangerous rolls into the corner, and Wildchild, quicker than a cheetah, follows his former championship partner into the corner, taking him down with a monkey flip. Pete: “Johnny Dangerous can’t get anything going against Wildchild here, King.” King: “Jay Hawke and JJ Johnson have gone over to double team Candace Okimura in a corner, and I don’t think anybody in Joe Louis Arena has noticed. All eyes are squarely focused on Wildchild and Johnny Dangerous right now!” Wildchild moves in, only to get caught with a low blow out of nowhere from Dangerous. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” King: “Perfectly legal! No rules in a battle royal!” And Dangerous doesn’t want to take any chances. He’d much rather meet Wildchild later on than right this second, so he goes to try to dump Wildchild over the top rope. He doesn’t get very far though, as Wildchild catches Dangerous in the face with an elbow. And another. Then a series of them that loosens Johnny’s grip and backs him away. Firmly back inside the ring, Wildchild charges Dangerous and levels him with a flying shoulder tackle. Dangerous backs into the ropes, with only the steel cables encased in tape keeping him on his feet. Wildchild comes in and catches Johnny Dangerous with a dropkick, hoping the momentum will take him over, but Dangerous hangs on. Wildchild then runs off the other side of the ropes again, this time connecting with a high cross body. The momentum of the move takes both men over the top rope and to the arena floor. Funyon: “Wildchild and Johnny Dangerous have both been eliminated and will be the number four and five seeds!” King: “Four and five? But that means…” The fight between the two isn’t over yet, as they begin to simply brawl as they make their way down the aisle. Pete: “That means they’ll be facing each other in the quarterfinals!” King: “That match could headline a pay-per-view event, but instead we’ll see it for free? Wow!” As the former partners disappear behind the curtain, the attention of the 16,000-plus fans at the Joe turns back toward the ring, where Candace Okimura is trapped in a corner with JJ Johnson and Jay Hawke both stalking her. Pete: “Now this could be trouble for Candace Okimura here.” King: “Indeed it could. Jay Hawke and JJ Johnson have both survived this long because they’ve been working together. So I’ll predict right now that Candace ends up against TORU and we end up with JJ and Hawke flipping a coin to see who gets the number one seed.” Johnson and Hawke move in on an outnumbered Candace, who rolls forward and between both guys to prevent the double team. They move in again, and again she rolls forward to avoid the members of Cucaracha Internacional. Pete: “And this might be the best strategy for Candace. Try to avoid these two men as much as possible and see if maybe you can catch one of them off-guard.” King: “Let’s be honest. She’s the smallest person in this match, so she’s absolutely lucky to even still be out here at this point!” The partners move in, and again Candace tries to roll forward, but this time Johnson is able to reach down and grab a handful of long dark hair. The crowd boos vehemently, angry at how rough JJ is being with the young Japanese hottie. Well, I’m sure someone watching is enjoying it a bit too much, but at any rate, Johnson pulls Candace to her feet and wraps her in a waistlock. Jay Hawke runs into the ropes and comes back, leveling Candace with a lariat, with Johnson immediately going into a release German suplex. “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Pete: “My God…” King: “Do you think her head will be the key ingredient on Iron Chef anytime soon?” Pete: “Huh?” King: “Because I think they’re going to bring it to Landon Maddix on a silver platter! HAHAHAHAHAHA!” Pete: “You’re sick.” King: “What’s sad is you could probably convince Landon Maddix that it’s the World Title belt.” Jay Hawke pulls Candace Okimura’s limp body off the canvas and picks her up for a body slam. He walks a couple of steps forward with her, then stops, driving her shoulder onto his knee before dumping her viciously onto the mat. Johnson and Hawke exchange a glance, then a nod, before each man begins to go up to an opposite corner and climb their respective turnbuckles. Pete: “Now what do they have in mind?” King: “I think they’re going to make Candace Okimura wish she’d never signed her SWF contract, Pete!” As both men complete their ascent to the top rope, both men jump off, each one coming crashing down with diving head butts onto Candace’s shoulders. Both men make their way to their feet smiling, with Hawke saying “Let’s end this.” Pete: “Tremendous teamwork from Hawke and Johnson, and now they’re going to eliminate Candace.” King: “She fought well. She lasted longer than any of us expected. But it’s over for her. Good luck against TORU in the quarterfinals, Candy.” JJ Johnson and Jay Hawke each grab a hold of Candace Okimura and heave her over the top rope, but she quickly lands on the apron and rolls back into the ring. JJ and Jay look at each other, completely dumbfounded as to how she could have possibly survived. As Candace makes her way to her feet, the two members of Cucaracha Internacional charge with a double clothesline. Candace ducks, then turns around and fires a double dropkick, one leg catching each of her opponents. The momentum begins to send Jay Hawke over the top rope, but JJ Johnson is quick to grab him and pull him back into the ring. Jay nods and pats JJ’s chest in thanks, unaware that Candace is running off the ropes. When she rebounds, she tries to catch the incoming Hawke with a spinning heel kick. Hawke ducks, and the move catches JJ Johnson flush in the face. JJ tumbles over the top rope, and Hawke tries to run over and save his stablemate, but he’s half a second too late. Funyon: “JJ Johnson has been eliminated and will become the number three seed!” King: “I don’t believe it!” Pete: “JJ Johnson will face TORU Takahara in the quarterfinals, but my God, Candace might take this thing!” Jay Hawke looks at the floor, almost disgusted with himself that he couldn’t save JJ Johnson in time. However, he’s forgotten about Candace ever so quickly. The Dean turns around, only to get caught by a dropkick from the Joshi Dragon that sends Jay Hawke tumbling over the top rope. Hawke lands on his knees on the apron, and Candace begins to fire off a series of lethal kicks that are intended to relieve Jay Hawke of his grip. Pete: “She’s already eliminated one-half of the World Tag Team Champions and the Cruiserweight Champion! What a big win it would be if she could eliminate the International Champion as well!” With Hawke struggling to stay on the apron, Candace Okimura leaps onto the middle rope, using it as a springboard to leap over the turnbuckle and dropkick the International Champion off the apron. However, Hawke ducks and rolls into the ring, leaving Candace with nothing to hit…. THUD! ….except the cold concrete floor. *DING DING DING!* “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Funyon: “Ladies and gentlemen, Candace Okimura has been eliminated and becomes the second seed in the Cold Front Classic. Therefore, after 17 minute 24 seconds, your winner, and the number one seed in the Cold Front Classic … JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY HAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWKE!” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Pete: “Jay Hawke wins the battle royal and becomes the number one seed, but had Candace hit that springboard dropkick, it might have been a different story altogether.” King: “But she didn’t hit that dropkick, Pete. That’s the key. She didn’t hit the dropkick, and it might take the kitchen crew to pick her up off the floor with a spatula.” Pete: “Well, with the battle royal over with, we now our matches for the quarterfinal round of the Cold Front Classic tournament. Let’s go over the brackets quickly.” #1 Jay Hawke #8 Manson #4 Wildchild #5 Johnny Dangerous #3 JJ Johnson #6 TORU Takahara #2 Candace Okimura #7 Spike Jenkins Pete: “There’s not a bad match out of that bunch, King.” King: “Well, the one everybody’s going to be waiting for is Wildchild against Johnny Dangerous, who for all we know might still be fighting in the back. I think the sleeper match is going to JJ Johnson against TORU.” Pete: “We’ve seen Jay Hawke and Manson in some classic matches before as well, but I think the sleeper match is going to be Spike Jenkins against Candace Okimura. You’ve got two crowd favorites in that one who are going to go all out.” King: “Can I take a nap when that match comes on?” Pete: “It’s going to be a fantastic tournament, and you’ll be able to see all the action over the next few weeks. But with that, we’re going to bid you good night. See you at Smarkdown, everybody!” ©2005 Smarks Wrestling Federation “Raising Workrate by Typing Faster”

Jeez, you make it look like I didn't just defend against Wildchild and Johnny Dangerous over the course of ten days leading up to Ashes 2 Ashes.

Personally, I hope you make it to WWE just so Bob Holly can be told why you got into the business. Then he could stiff the hell out of you for a while. Painful for you. Fun for us. Seriously, it's not like wrestling's going to pay the bills anytime soon, so why go in if you just find it to be shitty performance art? If it's the girls, play the guitar. Works the same way and you don't get your body banged up every night.

So basically, should Jay Hawke win the Cold Front Classic, then win the title at Clusterfuck, he'd be forced to vacate the International Title. Since I'd have been International Champion for like seven months if that scenario came about, I don't think I'll have too much problem with that.

Actually, November 7 would be the right date. We were in Tokyo, hence the extra day for the PPV.

I'm going to enhoy the hell out of that show tonight (particularly if the matches I saw on the spoiler-free lineups got any time at all). That doesn't mean I'm not going to be choked up for most of the evening. RIP Eddy.

I won't pick the battle royal since I'm in it, but this tourney is gonna kick ass. Hardcore Title: Stable pride says Landon. Wacky stips give Blank the advantage. Prediction: Blank, but it's close. If the Rage shows his potential he could pull off the upset, but for some reason I can't see Muzz losing. Davenport wins. Akira wins. Huzzah!

About the only thing I toyed with was actually using the David Lister character from Red Dwarf as a wrestling character (in fact, I did for about two weeks in a fed that a friend of mine started, just to see if it would work). This was before Red Dwarf became popular enough in the States for people to know where I got it from. Basically, I'd use the basic premise of the series (slobby man trapped on spaceship for three million years has been traveling through space with a hologram, a droid, and a creature that evolved from cats) as the background for the character. The caveat: Being out of chicken vindaloo and other assorted curry dishes, Lister uses his ship's time machine against the droid's wishes to travel back to the present and wrestle, thinking if he wrestles enough he can buy all the curry he wants without actually having to start a real job. It made for great promos but I thought it would get boring from a wrestling sense.