JHawk

They can't. It's no longer the Gund. It's the Quicken Loans Arena (aka "The Q" now). Being from the Cleveland area, I wept when I heard the news. "Let's go see the rasslin' show!" "Where's it at?" "The Q." "Fuck it. We'll wait until they're back at the Gund."

Can I get all of that in English? Or at least American?

I think I have a myspace account. If I can remember the name I'm using for it I'll hook you guys up.

You didn't ask me, but I'll answer: Batista (provided the injury doesn't require Batista dropping the title) vs. The Undertaker. Can the man who has held the title a full year be the one to finally end Taker's WrestleMania winning streak? For once we might have a Mania main event that wasn't a forgone conclusion before the opening bell.

I'll tell you exactly why ELM is going to hold that title for a long time. That match with Spike...the match we all assumed ELM was going to win because, despite the angle Spike was running, it felt like he had no momentum whatsoever coming in...was one of the most dramatic pieces of writing I've ever seen. Better than his match with Danny Williams by far. I forgot for a minute that Spike's match, by his own admission, wasn't nearly long enough to be the one I was reading, and I actually thought the title was about to change hands. An early candidate for 2005-6 Match of the Year there.

Well, Landon, I think we got outwritten overall, although I think we gave them one hell of a run for their money wrestling-wise. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Pete: “And as this tremendous Ashes 2 Ashes pay-per-view event continues from the Tokyo Egg Dome, we get ready for our huge tag team ladder match for the SWF World Tag Team Championship. The challenger, TKO…” King: “Good.” Pete: “…taking on the champions, Jay Hawke…” King: “Good.” Pete: “…and Landon Maddix.” King: “Damn. Well, three out of four ain’t bad.” Pete: “A lot of heat between these four men, as TKO stole the championship belts from the champions literally seconds after they won the titles five weeks ago.” King: “And anytime Landon Maddix doesn’t get his way, it’s a good day, believe me.” Pete: “Well, the champions finally regained possession of the title belts recently, thanks to leaving our poor timekeeper to take the brunt of TKO’s assault.” King: “And anytime Blazenwing gets beat up, that’s a good thing. I honestly can’t believe Landon Maddix had anything to do with that.” Pete: “But tonight, neither team has possession of the championship belts. They are placed fifteen feet above the ring here in the Tokyo Dome, and the winners will be the first team to climb the ladder and retrieve both championship belts.” King: “So Landon Maddix could retain the titles without retaining the titles. Color me apathetic.” Pete: “Any thoughts as to who is going to win this match?” King: “With all due respect to Jay Hawke, Landon Maddix always has been -- and always will be -- a liability to anybody who teams with him. TKO to win the titles.” Pete: “Let’s go to Funyon’s introductions for this contest!” Funyon: “Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is the ladder match for the SWF World Tag Team Championship!” “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” The arena starts off in darkness, but as the pounding bass beat of “Tribe” by the Mad Capsule Markets beings thumping through the arena, strobe lights criss cross over the crowd. As the hushed Japanese voice cuts in, TORU and KOJI walk into the entrance area, and wait for a the end of the verse and the bright flash of pyro… TRIIIIIIIIIBE! WHY DON’T YOU STRIKE JUSTIFY YOUR MIND? …Flanked by Card and Natasha the pair walk up to the ring, stopping briefly for Natasha to whip off their long black trenchcoats with a flourish. Funyon: “Introducing first, the challengers … being led toward the ring by Chris Card and Natasha … at a total combined weight of 483 pounds … TORU Takahara … KOJI Kitano … TKO!” Both men hand their jet black mirrored shades to Card before leaping over the ring ropes and into the ring to a surprising chorus of boos and catcalls from the home country faithful. Pete: “The challengers look focused tonight, King!” King: “Indeed they do, Pete. But their opponents … one of them, anyway … are no slouches.” "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* The post-opening part of "Megalomaniac" by Incubus hits, as from behind the curtain steps Landon Maddix and Jay Hawke, stopping at the top of the ramp and thrusting his hands out to his side to boos. Landon turns back to the curtains, holding his arms to the side and soaking up the boos of the crowd, as the Dean of Wrestling makes his way to the ring with a look of intensity on his face. Landon then walks down the ramp following his partner. Funyon: “And their opponents … representing Cucaracha Internacional … at a total combined weight of 433 pounds … they are the reigning and defending SWF World Tag Team Champions … Landon ‘La Cucaracha’ Maddix … and the SWF International Champion … ‘The Dean of Professional Wrestling’ Jay Hawke!” Pete: “Neither team is popular here in the Tokyo Dome tonight!” King: “TKO is being booed in their home country. Now that is the mark of an excellent tag team.” *DINGDINGDING!* The crowd remain pretty venomous towards their native team, which doesn't seem to concern either KOJI or TORU. After all, they knew what to expect. Heck, they'd probably be disappointed with anything less. Striding out from the corner of the ring together, TKO look every bit the team as they stand side by side in the centre of the ring and dare their opponents to face off, man (+ man) to man (+ man). For now though, Cucaracha Internacional are in deep discussion in the opposite corner of the ring. And Maddix seems to be directing some sort of plan. Eventually they break off and begin to casually walk forward to meet TKO...before Maddix suddenly takes a detour and squirms out of the ring, scurrying back down the aisleway towards the ladder. Meanwhile, the lonely Hawke is left to aim a double clothesline at TKO. The challengers duck his double swing though, taking the International Champion by top and tail before pitching him out to the floor. They then turn back to the aisle, just as Maddix drags the provided ladder towards the ring and realises that, not for the first time, TKO have scuppered his plans. "Craaap!" moans Maddix, tossing the ladder down at ringside and scrambling up to the apron. Quickly KOJI rushes forward to meet him, ducking his head and firing a shoulder through middle and top ropes...right into a raised knee! KOJI remains doubled over as Maddix then vaults over the top and rolls down KOJI's back. But as soon as he lands in the ring, TORU charges and drives his knee deep into Maddix's gut. Over doubles La Cucaracha, as KOJI comes back to his senses and together with TORU sends Maddix into opposite ropes with a double whip. Luckily for Maddix though, Hawke is alert and trips his partner up, before pulling him from the ring and to safety on the floor. "Well, time to rethink strategy I think." Pete muses. "Time to rethink whose strategy to use too." quips King. "The fact that Jay is taking advice and following plans thought up by this idiot worries me Pete, it really does." Having found some refuge, Maddix and Hawke huddle to discuss strategy. But of course, TKO aren't going to have any of that. After a brief discussion on who's going to dive, it's decided that KOJI will sprint off the ropes, gathering a head of steam... ...before soaring through the middle rope and tumbling out into the Cucaracha Internacional pile!! "TOPÉ CON HÍLO!" "RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" Some of the fans, despite their blatant dislike and disregard for TKO, applaud the daredevilism of KOJI's dive. But, predictably, he responds with two, familiar middle fingers. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Meanwhile, as KOJI makes sure Hawke and Maddix remain non-factors, TORU has rolled out of the ring and slides in the ladder, so kindly retrieved for him just moments earlier by one of his opponents. Not taking his eyes off the belts for a second, TORU then fumbles at the ladder, an impliment he really doesn't seem all that comfortable with. Then again, maybe if he looked at that instead of the belts, he'd open it more easily, eh? Eventually TORU does get the ladder apart though and sets it underneath the titles. The big man of the challenging team then begins his climb. Only for Jay Hawke to slide into the ring, past KOJI who is being held by Maddix on the floor and grab TORU's leg to stop him at a measly three rungs up. Hawke then pulls TORU off the ladder entirely... *SLAP!* ...only for TORU to swat him away with a knifedge chop, before re-starting his climb. "Man, TORU isn't wasting any time here, huh?" says King, with a hint of surprise at the forthright tactics from TKO...and the lack of shit-kicking for the sake of shit-kicking. Recovering quickly, Hawke grabs TORU again and pulls him down with a little more authority than last time. But TORU still lands on his feet... *SLAP!* ...chops, then goes to climb again. "TKO, unsurprisingly, don't have a lot of history in Ladder Matches." states LDP. "Infact, I don't think they've ever been in one before...at least not to my knowledge. But it seems Chris Card has given these two men a firm strategy here - Try and grab the belts at any and every opportunity." TORU has made progress this time, reaching the fourth rung before Hawke manages to clasp hold of his standing foot. Rather than simply pull TORU down though, this time Hawke decides to punch TORU right in the back of the knee! And a second time, this one right to the hamstring. TORU's meaty right leg seems to buckle slightly as Hawke rears back with his fist again, this time going higher and catching TORU right in his well-developed thigh muscle. Luckily, we're not in America, so we're spared the "Donkey Punch" chants. Instead, the crowd watches on, eagerly waiting for TORU to be taken down and out of the running for the gold. TORU is clearly favouring his leg and kicks back, trying to rid himself of the annoyance that is Jay Hawke. But Hawke avoids the kick and the momentum of TORU's foot shooting back begins to tip the ladder with the mighty Japanese man. So, TORU is forced to jump off at the last moment. The shots to the back of the leg have turned TORU's right limb to jelly through numbness though and as he lands, his knee seems to buckle slightly. And it certainly buckles as Hawke fires a kick around into the hamstring area. A second kick leaves TORU wobbling and clutching at the back of his leg with a grimace on his face, prompting Hawke to hit the ropes behind his opponent. But a trip from KOJI causes him to flop flat on his face. KOJI then drags Hawke on out to the floor...forgetting about Landon Maddix in the process. "Jay Hawke, utilising the schoolyard 'dead leg' strategy to neutralise TORU momentarily." "What next, The Chinese Burn?" sighs King, before scoffing. "You know, now that I think about it, a Chinese Burn would probably hurt more than 95% of Maddix's signature moves." Sliding into the ring, Maddix looks to prove King wrong as he approaches TORU. But, for some reason, Maddix ignores the fact that TORU clearly has a bad wheel and instead fires a forearm into the side of TORU's head. Followed by a second. *SLAP!* ...and a knifedge chop. *SLAP!* ...a second. *SLAP!* ...and a third, none of which exactly muderising TORU. "What is he doing!?!" King despairs. "His opponent is holding the back of his leg and limping, so Maddix decides the best course of action is to hit him with some piss-poor chops?" "King, please, remember your impartiality oath..." "Bah! That oath isn't worth the paper it's written on." "Actually, I just wrote it on a napkin earlier to try and shut you up...but that's besides the point." With the effects of his chopping minimal, Maddix changes tactics and hits the ropes at the side of TORU, gaining as much head of steam as he can to bundle TORU into the ladder...but, he fails. Miserably. TORU moves a step, maybe two, to the side before coming to a stop and folding his arms in mock disappointment. Panicking, Maddix hits the ropes again and barges into TORU again. But again, TORU is going nowhere. Never the sharpest knife in the drawer though, Maddix summons some puroresu "crouching to your knees and slamming your fists into the canvas" POWAH~ before he once again sprints into the ropes for another attempt...only to run right into a TORU clothesline! "Monty Brown, he ain't." scoffs King. As this goes on in the ring meanwhile, KOJI and Hawke have continued to battle out on the floor...a battle which ends with KOJI sending the International Champion crashing into and, with a little extra barge after impact, over the barricade at ringside and into the front row. The Japanese fans over Hawke beam and applaud the fact that an SWF wrestler is at their feet, clearly unconcerned by Hawke's moans of pain. In the meantime, KOJI now rolls into the ring. And after checking on his partner, KOJI signals that he'll take care of Maddix, which allows TORU to roll out to the apron. Rushing over, Natasha knows what to do and quickly sets to work trying to massage the numbness out of TORU's right leg. "Now, why couldn't I have had someone to do that during my matches?" sighs King dreamily. "Maybe it's your noteriety of being a bad tipper." KOJI has Maddix in his grasp now, dragging The Next Generation off the canvas and running a thumb across his throat, while rasping one rousing cry of "SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIKEUH~!". Going to the gut with a quick kick, KOJI then applies a front facelock and grabs the tights for a little more leverage in lifting Maddix up. Shifting his body weight to the side, somehow Maddix escapes certain doom though, landing safely behind KOJI and pushing him forwards...causing KOJI to take a glancing blow, face first into the side of the standing ladder! The ladder manages to remain standing but KOJI does not, falling beside the ladder and tending to his face. Meanwhile, Maddix takes advantage by turning on his heels and charging towards TORU, who remains laid out on the apron and is currently enjoying a Natasha speciality massage. His pleasure is soon to be short lived however, as Maddix baseball slides into him, causing TORU to fly off the apron...taking Natasha with him as he falls to the thinly padded arena floor! "RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" Furiously, Chris Card storms around the ring to where Natasha lays stricken, pointing a threatening finger up at Maddix. The smirking Champion laughs the threat off though, turning back to KOJI and giving him a quick stomp to the chest. Glancing at the ladder, Maddix then licks his smirking lips. A plan. Hitting the ropes, much like before, Maddix barges his body weight into his target. But unlike TORU, the ladder doesn't withstand the barge and topples... ...topples... *KE - RRAASH!" ...ON TOP OF KOJI!!!! "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The Japanese crowd gasp as one half of the ladder crashes down into KOJI's midsection...but more importantly, the other half of rungs slams down right into the head of poor KOJI Kitano! And clearly, he was unable to cover up in time, as he writhes on the canvas clutching his right ear. "The ladder coming into play as a weapon for the first time in this match and with potentially devastating effect." calls Pete. "You know, these ladders aren't lightweight. They're aren't made of aluminium or some such crap. These ladders weigh a lot, you only have to listen to when they fall on the canvas. Well, that ladder just fell on top of a human body." "And right on the ear." points out Pete. "That could have burst an eardrum, caught KOJI in the temple...and all that will effect equilibrium, which will in turn affect KOJI as he tries to climb the ladder." Unconcerned with the science, all Maddix knows is that ladder falling on human = pain. And he's pleased at that. Pulling the ladder off of KOJI, Maddix folds it up and places it safely out of the way for now, before measuring KOJI and ruthlessly dropping a knee into the side of the head. KOJI writhes again, as Maddix scrambles to pull down his kneepad before a second kneedrop...this one aimed directly at the ear as a target has been established for Maddix to aim at. Behind this, Jay Hawke has pulled himself away from the passionate Japanese ringside fans and re-enters the ring with half an eye keeping watch for a TORU sighting. TORU is still out on the floor though. Which gives Maddix time to pull the ladder up and set it up in the corner, while Hawke takes over on KOJI and grinds the point of his elbow into KOJI's right ear! "LAN - DON!" "LAN - DON!" "LAN - DON!" "Ugh, these damn Japanese women and their pretty-boy obsessions." groans King. A little taken a-back at the positive chants, Maddix smirks slightly as he pats Hawke on the back and makes sure he's completely aware what they're chanting. Rolling his eyes, Hawke nods before he and Maddix pull KOJI up and drag him into a neutral corner. The corner opposite the propped ladder. Grabbing an arm a-piece, Hawke and Maddix then whip KOJI out of the corner and across the ring... *CRACK!* ...sending him back-first into the ladder! Maddix then crouches, ready to charge, taking a moment to once again make sure Hawke heard the crowd chanting his name, before charging in at KOJI. Out from the ladder though, KOJI catches Maddix charging in with a quick duck of the head and a backdrop... *CRAAAAAACK!* ...CAUSING MADDIX TO COME CRASHING DOWN ACROSS THE LOWER RUNGS OF THE DIAGONALLY PLACED LADDER!!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" "Oh LORD!" cries Pete, coming out of his chair. "Was that sound his back or the ladder!?!" Maddix's crumpled frame bounces off the ladder and rolls out onto the apron, ringside positioned referee Sexton Hardcastle jogging over to check that Maddix is okay. Back in the ring, KOJI has watched all of Maddix's dramatic crashing and subsequent burning...but now he turns around, to get caught by a Jay Hawke running forearm. Now, the ringing of the ears is back and giving KOJI serious discomfort as he lies flat on the mat. But now, it's Jay Hawke with his back turned, as TORU sneaks back into the ring and despite a noticeable limp, manages to catch Hawke before he turns around and applies a Half Nelson. Hawke scrambles to escape TORU's grip, but doesn't succeed, getting hauled up by TORU and driven across the knee with a Half Nelson Backbreaker! "Technically, that SHOULDN'T hurt as much as falling on a ladder...but, somehow, I'm not so sure." grimaces King. "TKO have risen the stakes! They're taking the match to the Champions and they've turned up the violence a notch in the process!" Both of the champions are favouring their backs now. TORU and KOJI haven't come out of the opening unscathed though. KOJI's ear is still ringing and TORU is now regretting his choice of move as he's ruined all of Natasha's good work and done more damage to his knee in the process of his backbreaker. But TORU shakes off the pain though and goes over to collect Landon Maddix, dragging his limp frame out from under the bottom rope and dumping him unceremoniously in the centre of the ring. Pointing out to a still clearly shaken Natasha, TORU then indicates that "this one is for her"...before delivering two shrift, sharp SNOTROCKETS~! to Maddix's contorted face!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The Japanese crowd don't take too kindly to TKO's disrespect...but that's all part of the fun. Fun which KOJI clearly wants in on, as he delivers a quick SNOTROCKET~! of his own. Now covered in phlegm, not to mention suffering a mild rigamortis effect, Maddix tries to get away from TKO. TORU decides to kneel down on his chest to pin him down though, while KOJI goes over and rolls Jay Hawke out of the ring...and then drags the ladder out of the corner and over to the centre of the ring. "TKO aren't going for the belts now." smiles King, with a hint of relief. "Now they're doing what they should be doing. Namely, destroying this Maddix punk once and for all." "You'd love that, wouldn't you King?" "More than words could describe." Placing the ladder flat in the middle of the squared circle, KOJI gives a nod to TORU, who almost telepathically knows what to do. Climbing off of Maddix, TORU quickly springs up and drops a quick, hard knee into the sternum of The Next Generation. He then grabs Maddix's blonde locks and flips him over, so Maddix lies frontwards down on the ladder. Stepping over Maddix, KOJI already has a sick, scary smile etched on his face as he places a foot on Maddix's back and pins him down...before grabbing both of Maddix's arms in a surfboard... "Oh no." mumbles Pete. ...pulling up on the move for little more than a brief interlude, before removing his foot, allowing Maddix's upper body to be pulled off of the ladder... "Oh no." mumbles Pete. ...before placing the flat of his boot on the back of Maddix's head, pausing to share a hearty laugh with tag partner TORU... "Oh no." mumbles Pete. ...and then SLAMMING HIS FOOT DOWN... *CRAAACK!* ...AND DARKNESS STOMPING MADDIX'S FACE INTO THE GOD-DAMN RUNGS OF THE LADDER!!!!!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" "Oh...YES!" beams King, hardly able to believe his eyes. "THEY BROKE HIS FACE!" Pete rather overdramatically cries in response, to chuckles from King. "A Darkness Stomp, on the ladder. For God's sake, that's sadistic...that's plain sick!" "Yo, he jus' got curbstomped ho! Haha! KOJI Kitano is my new favourite wrestler Pete. Infact, he may just be my new favourite human being, depending on how many teeth he dislodged and forced down Maddix's throat." Maddix is motionless, flat on his face, lying on the ladder still and with a metal rung jammed up against his mouth. Possibly THROUGH his mouth, who knows? But TKO aren't done. Reaching down, KOJI and TORU take an end of the ladder each and shuffle it as best possible across the ring into a more diagonal position. Seeing this, Hawke makes a concerted effort to drag himself back to the apron and try to save his partner. KOJI spots him coming though and vanquishes him with a quick dropkick through the middle and bottom ropes, sending Hawke crashing backwards into the steel barricade. Once he's out of the way, TORU now leaves the ring to the apron and begins to climb towards the top rope. Maddix isn't moving, but just to make certain, KOJI holds his legs down, whilst his partner slowly reaches the top, his usual mobility diminished somewhat by his dead leg from earlier. TORU does reach the top though, steadying himself up top with all the time he needs, as Maddix is still not moving. "TORU HAMAAAAAAHHH~!" screams TORU at the top of his lungs, to boos from his Japanese breatheren. "As if the Stomp wasn't enough...this'll cave Maddix's skull in!" gasps Pete. But suddenly, that's not a problem... *CRACK!* ...as a steel chair hurtles through the air and catches TORU in the side of the head, causing TORU to topple off the ropes, over and out to the arena floor! KOJI looks up suddenly to find his partner has disappeared, looking mightily confused, until he realizes that it was Jay Hawke who had thrown the chair! And not only that, it's Jay Hawke up on the apron, leaping to the top rope and springboarding into the ring with a clothesline that takes the unprepared KOJI clean off his feet! "Thank goodness for Jay Hawke...or, well, thank goodness at least as far as Landon Maddix is concerned." Pete backtracks. "Yeah. Just more proof, without Jay Hawke, Landon Maddix would be nothing." Clambering back up, Hawke's first instincts are to grab the ladder and go for the Tag Titles. His second instinct is to check if Landon Maddix, who scuppers instinct one by selfishly lying half-dead on the ladder, still has any teeth left. Rolling his partner gently off the ladder, Hawke sees blood oozing from Maddix's mouth and cringes...but, he has belts to retrieve, so doesn't tend to his partner for too long, instead grabbing the ladder and setting it up as quickly as possible beneath the dangling tag straps. Hawke glances up at the belts, but he tries to remain focused, so shakes that off and keeps his eyes firmly fixed on the ladder rungs at his feet. Three rungs. Hawke begins his climb, still seemingly in the best condition of the four men in the match. Certainly better than his partner. No real injuries picked up to hamper him. Four rungs. Just a few aches. A little groggy. Five rungs. A little slanty. Wait. Slanty? *OOOOOF!* A desperate effort from KOJI Kitano suddenly sends the ladder toppling to the side. And before Hawke knows where he is or what's going on, he finds himself falling off the ladder and landing throat-first across the top rope! The whiplash effect sends Hawke staggering backwards and KOJI is waiting, measuring Hawke and then grabbing him around the waist, before folding the International Champion up with a HIGH Angle Back Suplex!! "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" On the outside, the previously nervy Ice Queen and Technical Perfection relax and rain applause down on KOJI as he rolls to his knees, wiping some sweat from his face and taking a moment to brandish a quick middle finger to the crowd. Pete: “What an unbelievable match so far! Over ten minutes of nonstop action, and you wonder how these four men are able to keep fighting!” King: “Well, three of them are still fighting. Landon Maddix, on the other hand, has changed the color of the canvas from grey to red. And he’s never looked better, if I do say so myself.” KOJI drags Jay Hawke to his feet and smiles an evil smile before leveling the International Champion with a disrespect slap! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Oh, he shouldn’t have done that! KOJI levels Hawke in the gut with a short knee, then locks the Dean of Wrestling into a front facelock. Kitano leaps, seeminging trying to drive Hawke’s head into the canvas, but Hawke puts his left foot behind his right foot, giving himself enough leverage to hold KOJI in the air. Hawke then runs forward, driving his opponent’s back into the turnbuckle. KOJI crumples into a heap to the canvas, and Hawke drops to a knee, but he quickly regains his bearings enough to grab the ladder. King: “And if I know Hawke, he’s making a run for the belts right here!” Apparently King doesn’t know Hawke as well as he thinks. Hawke folds up the ladder and holds it, ready to strike. He charges, driving the ladder into KOJI, making the ladder and the turnbuckle like the pieces of bread in a KOJI Kitano sandwich. Hawke backs up, seemingly ready to do it again, but out of the corner of his eye, he sees TORU Takahara return to the ring. Hawke spins around, just enough to catch TORU in the side of the face as he charges in. TORU falls to the mat in a heap, and Jay Hawke once again turns KOJI into a sandwich following a charge into the corner. KOJI falls face-first to the mat, and Jay Hawke sets the ladder up underneath the belts, seemingly ready to put the match away once and for all. “Now’s the time for the champions to retain,” shouts Pete. “It could be all over right here!” “Hawke’s the only one on his feet! It should be all over here!” Hawke begins his climb, easily getting the first three rungs before slipping just a little bit on the fourth rung. He reaches for the title belt, but he’s still too low. He struggles to climb up onto the fifth rung, once again reaching for the title belt. He gets his fingertips on the belt, but he’s thwarted by Natasha running into the ring and grabbing him by the ankle. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Jay Hawke kicks backwards, getting just enough force to back Natasha away from him. He reaches for the gold again, unaware that TORU has pulled himself to his feet and up to the top rope… *CRASH!* “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” …in order to missile dropkick the ladder, knocking Jay Hawke down to the mat as the ladder weebles and wobbles, but doesn’t fall down. Pete: “A heads-up move by TORU Takahara there, saving the match for his team at least temporarily!” King: “And with the ladder still in position, TORU’s going to make a run for the gold right here!” Natasha returns to her place on the arena floor, standing next to a smiling Chris Card as TORU shakes the knee, trying to keep the circulation in it before ascending the ladder. He’s up to the second rung… … …the third rung… … …the fourth rung… Pete: “And TORU is two rungs away from reaching up and grabbing the championships for TKO!” … …the fifth rung… …and he’s unable to reach the final rung he needs, as somehow Landon Maddix is conscious enough to reach up and grab TORU before starting to climb behind him. King: “You’ve got to be kidding!” Landon climbs up after him, catching him with a series of forearm smashes to the back before locking the Japanese challenger in a reverse headlock. Taking a deep breath, Landon falls backwards, bringing TORU down with him and driving TORU’s back into Landon’s knee. “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Pete: “My God, what a move! A backbreaker from nearly eight feet above the canvas, and both men are down!” King: “The work Hawke did to TORU’s knee earlier on was the difference there! It bought Landon enough time to get up there and luck into a move!” Pete: “Luck?” King: “You think Landon consciously did a move like that? Only in your dreams, Pete!!” All four men are down, but at this point, it is now KOJI Kitano who is probably in the best shape of anybody. However, he decides not to go for the belts, instead grabbing the ladder and pulling it toward the turnbuckle. Pete: “What is KOJI thinking here?” King: “Well, we know he’s the king of the top rope move. Maybe he wants to do something off the top of the ladder!” That does indeed seem to be the case, as he steps to the apron and climbs to the top turnbuckle behind the erect metal ladder. He climbs up to the top turnbuckle, unaware that the International Champion is rolling toward that very corner. As KOJI places himself onto the top rope, Hawke begins climbing the ladder, hoping to hit a big move before KOJI can hit one of his own. Pete: “Could be a dangerous situation here!” King: “Could be? The only way this in’ts dangerous is if the mat is made of feather pillows!” As Hawke makes his way near the top of the ladder, he and KOJI begin trading forearm smashes. Hawke gets the better of it before slamming KOJI’s head into the top of the ladder repeatedly, with the crowd counting along…in English, no less. “ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! TEN! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” With KOJI clearly rattled, Jay Hawke hooks KOJI up for what should be an easy superplex. I repeat, what should be an easy superplex. Unfortunately, it’s not that easy when TORU is behind the Dean and leveling him with forearm smashes. Pete: “TORU saving KOJI…and climbing up the ladder with Hawke?” Indeed, TORU has climbed the ladder with the International Champion and appears to be setting him up for a Russian legsweep off the ladder. As he does so, Landon Maddix makes his way to his feet, stumbling over and peppering TORU with a series of forearm smashes to the back. King: “Dammit!” Landon then reaches underneath TORU, apparently for a power bomb. However, neither TORU nor Jay Hawke has actually let go of the moves they were trying. As a result, Landon powers bombs TORU, which leads to a chain reaction of TORU taking Hawke down with a Russian legsweep and Hawke superplexing KOJI off the top of the ladder. All four men hit the canvas with a loud thud as the crowd initially sits in stunned silence before starting another chant: “HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT!” Pete: “What an absolutely incredible move, and only the ladder is still standing!” King: “And at this point, it might be the first man to join the ladder than ends up taking this one!” Landon Maddix is the only person even remotely aware of his surroundings, and he crawls over and begins to climb the ladder, which is still standing in the corner. King: “And see what I mean about Maddix? If he’d place that ladder in the center of the ring, Cucaracha Internacional would retain the championships here! Instead, he’s costing his team the title!” Landon gets to the fifth rung and turns around, struggling to keep his balance on the wobbly ladder. Taking another deep breath, he leaps, landing on a prone KOJI Kitano with a frog splash. “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Pete: “Frog splash! With God as my witness, I think Landon has knocked the wind out of KOJI Kitano once and for all!” Landon begins to drag the ladder toward the center of the ring, looking to put the match away once and for all. However, with every bit of strength he uses to pull the ladder to the middle of the ring, he stops to catch his breath. Finally he begins his ascent, only to get merely two rungs high before KOJI reaches up and grabs an ankle. King: “What was that about his wind being permanently knocked out of him, MacDougal?” La Cucaracha tries in vain to kick KOJI off, but KOJI hangs on to the ankle like a spider monkey. King: “I love it! Any hope Landon Maddix just had of being a champion after Ashes 2 Ashes is officially done with right here!” Landon tries to go up one more rung, but KOJI continues to keep a death grip on his ankle. KOJI reaches up, looking to grab a handful of tights to pull Maddix off the ladder, but Jay Hawke runs in from the side and takes Koji down with a modified spear. Both men hit the mat hard and roll down to the floor, although KOJI is clearly worse for wear. Chris Card and Natasha finally express concern as Landon Maddix continues his climb uncontested. Pete: “Jay Hawke just took Kitano out of the equation! Landon Maddix is going to retrieve the belts right here!” Landon does appear to be ready to grab both championship belts. He climbs to the third rung… … …the fourth rung… … …the fifth rung… … … …but as he reaches unsuccessfully for the belts, TORU Takahara begins climbing up the other side of the ladder. King: “Not so fast, Pete! If anybody can finish this one off with little to no effort, it’s TORU!” Landon tries to climb to the sixth and final rung, only for TORU to catch him with a fist to the gut. TORU then continues to climb, reaching the fifth rung to make himself even with La Cucaracha. TORU and Landon then begin to exchange forearms at the top of the ladder, with TORU gaining the advantage. A hard forearm loosens Landon’s grip, and he begins to hang onto the ladder for dear life with merely one hand hanging on to the top of it. TORU then leans back and shouts. Leaning in, he tries to spray sake into Landon’s eyes… King: “Sake mist!” …but Landon puts his arm in front of his eyes to shield the burning alcohol, then spits into TORU’s face, covering his eyes in blood. Pete: “And Landon countered with Blood Mist!!” King: “What?” A blinded TORU stumbles down off the ladder, just as Jay Hawke returns to the ring. As TORU tries to clear his eyes, he backs up right into Hawke… Pete: “AND JAY HAWKE HAS TORU LOCKED IN THE WING SPAN!” King: “Nooooooooooooooo! And KOJI’s still on the floor!” KOJI begins to stand on the floor as Chris Card implores him to stop Landon. Landon steps onto the sixth rung as KOJI rolls into the ring. Landon reaches for the belts, and KOJI runs in and shoulder blocks the ladder…. *THUD* …but KOJI’s a split-second too late, as Landon crashes to the mat with both title belts in his possession. DINGDINGDING! Pete: “And Cucaracha Internacional retains the World Tag Team Titles!” King: “Luck! That’s all it was! Luck, pure and simple!” Funyon: “Ladies and gentlemen, in 19 minutes 52 seconds … the winners of this contest … and still SWF World Tag Team Champions … JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY HAWWWWWWWWWWKE and LANNNNNNNNNNNNNDONNNNNNNNNNNNN MADDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIX!” Chris Card slams the mat in frustration as he buries his head in his arms. King: “It can’t be, Pete. It simply can’t be.” Pete: “After over a month, Landon Maddix and Jay Hawke will finally get to bring their championship belts home with them! What a classic matchup.” King: “What you call a classic matchup I call a reason for the suicidal to go ahead and jump already.” Pete: “Nonetheless, a tremendous matchup for the Tag Team Championships. Can the main event possibly top that? We’re only moments away from the battle for the World Heavyweight Championship!”

Um...I never did actually check how many it ended up with. Probably in the 8k range if I had to guesstimate. Had I realized the deadline was tonight, however...

My apologies for being late for the first time in two seasons. My fiancee has been in the hospital for two days, and I've been spending most of time sitting with her, which hasn't allowed me to spend much time online. Anyway, what's left. FRIDAY Toledo at Ohio SATURDAY Iowa at Northwestern Boston College at North Carolina Nebraska at Kansas Northern Illinois at Central Michigan Western Michigan at Eastern Michigan Kansas State at Iowa State Wake Forest at Georgia Tech Wyoming at Utah Wisconsin at Penn State California at Oregon Arizona State at Washington State Houston at Central Florida Miami at Virginia Tech Tiebreak #2: How many total yards will Penn State's Michael Robinson have against Wisconsin? 120

I'm just getting around to reading this as I had surgery on Friday and really didn't feel up to much of anything this weekend: My big thing: How the hell do we salvage a World Title Match out of that? Somehow I don't think Spike Jenkins' pieced-together corpse is going to sell a lot of PPVs

By choice?

Exactly. A gimmick that doesn't suck! No offense to anybody else with sucky gimmicks (myself possibly included).

Not that it matters when Comcast doesn't even hit half the areas that are seeing the commercials.

It comes down to this, people. What we see on a WWE TV show is designed to make us, the consumer, want to buy the PPV event and/or attend a live event in the immediate area. So angles should be designed to push the existing feuds and angles leading up to it. This didn't do that. Had there been something...anything...to hype Taboo Tuesday during that segment, then no matter how fucking stupid the segment was, we could say "At least they were trying to hype the PPV." What did this build to? Jim Ross vs. Vince McMahon? No (and thank God for that). Coach vs. Austin? We're supposed to believe that, but there was no mention of it. Simply put, whether the segment offended you or not is irrelevant. All it really did was take at least two (possibly four or more) members of the Raw roster and kept them off the show entirely with no changes to the bottom line of the company. If I did such a blatant job of costing my place of employment money like this, I'd be fired in a heartbeat.

THURSDAY Boston College at Virginia Tech FRIDAY Colorado State at New Mexico SATURDAY Clemson at Georgia Tech Ohio State at Minnesota Oklahoma at Nebraska Cincinnati at Syracuse Missouri at Kansas Central Florida at East Carolina Air Force at BYU Georgia vs. Florida Middle Tennessee State at Florida International Michigan at Northwestern Mississippi State at Kentucky Marshall at Tulane Tiebreak #1: How many total points will be scored in the Boston College/Virginia Tech game? 47 Tiebreak #2: How many yards rushing will Northwestern's Tyrell Sutton have against Michigan? 87

Since when did Bud Selig ever consider consistency when making a ruling? MLB is basically saying there are a different set of rules come World Series time than there are during any other point of the season. Consistency my ass. This is coming from someone who doesn't give a shit which team wins. I'm just tired of Selig trying to insult my intelligence everytime he opens his mouth.

I may if I can come up with the coin and someone willing to drive four hours.

I can never seem to make up my mind whether Hawke's a heel because he tries to hurt people or because he's better than everybody else and he knows it. I've settled it by saying the answer is "both".

THURSDAY Virginia Tech at Maryland FRIDAY Southern Miss at UAB SATURDAY Northwestern at Michigan State Virginia at North Carolina N.C. State at Wake Forest Michigan at Iowa Nebraska at Missouri Texas A&M at Kansas State Kentucky at Mississippi Rutgers at Connecticut Texas Tech at Texas Tennessee at Alabama Vanderbilt at South Carolina Auburn at LSU Tiebreak #1: How many total points will be scored in the Virginia Tech/Maryland game? 50 Tiebreak #2: How many passing yards will Texas Tech's Cody Hodges have against Texas? 210

So...um...Johnny Dangerous has just turned heel officially, finally....and now he's getting a title shot against a heel? I know I'm overdue a title defense, but that's lazy booking there.

I'm game. Stats for Jay Hawke (assuming you need numbers for all th subcategories): Rumble skills (brawling, hardcore, power, strong style and shoot fighting): 75 78 75 80 83 Technical skills (mat work, chain wrestling, submissions): 93 95 97 Flying skills (aerial abilities, flashiness): 85 83 Sportz Entertainment (microphone, charisma, acting, looks, and superstar quality): 87 86 81 85 84 Performance skills (wrestling basics, psychology, safety, consistancy, selling): 93 96 98 90 90 97 Physical skills (athleticism, toughness, stamina): 85 85 92 Extra shit (intensity, resilience, sitffness, menace, refereeing): 85 92 80 70 (who'd be afraid of Hawke. anyway?) 75 Backstage skills (business, booking, respect): 85 90 88 Oh...and give me an idea of how over you would be in the U.S. please be honest, lol...minumum of 65 out of 100 for the United States. 88

Probably unavailable for SmarkDown on 10/17 due to some work commitments that just came up. I hope to at least promo for the show but I'm not counting on it. Should be back in time for Storm.

Can we get Bill Fillmaff to play that actor guy we supposedly have under contract? The ratings would be huge.

THURSDAY Clemson at N.C. State FRIDAY UTEP at Tulane SATURDAY Wisconsin at Minnesota Michigan State at Ohio State Ohio at Central Michigan Northwestern at Purdue Iowa State at Missouri East Carolina at SMU Penn State at Michigan USC at Nore Dame -- this one might be wishful thinking more than anything else Florida at LSU Louisville at West Virginia Memphis at Houston Nebraska at Baylor Tiebreak #1: How many total points will be scored in the UTEP/Tulane game? 51 Tiebreak #2: How many passing yards will Clemson's Charlie Whitehurst have against N.C. State? 235

Rocky Maivia was actually given a series of vignettes as a babyface when he was first brought in, and it was only as a heel 18 months later that he started getting over. Outback Jack got some kickass vignettes as a babyface in 1986/87, but he sucked ass so it didn't matter.

I'm active. And Wednesday's my real life birthday, so an easy squash victory and/or presents in the form of ROH DVDs and monetary increments are encouraged.