THE One and Only Velocidential Thread

[Guest The Czech Republic]

Sorry pal, but the former Excess is MY job and my job only. Don't tread on my territory, mmkay? Oh, I kid.

 

The preview is quite enigmatic this week, featuring Reverend D-Von versus The Bitchslapper as the only match written in. Suspense~!

 

Confidential is a primer on Shawn Michaels career, seemingly so that the post WM14 fans are familiar with HBK upon his return.

[Guest Cubbie78]

The Michaels retrospective on confidential could be pretty sweet

[Guest The Czech Republic]

Let's see how much Bret gets bashed tonight.

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

But really, who the fuck watches confidential? The ratings are always hovering around the 1.0 number, which is ECW-esque levels, so can it be assumed that only the 'hardcore' fan watches it? And if that's the case, why not just pander to them rather than waisting your time trying to educate a crowd that a)isn't there, and b)doesn't care.

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MATCHES~!

 

Hardcore "Sparky" Holly vs. Rico "I fear Kwee-wee" The Stylist.

 

"Dynamic B" Bull Buchanan vs. "Dangerous A" Albert

 

John "Das Rookie Wonder-Kid" Cena vs. D-Von "What Building fund?" Dudley

 

"The Whole Funakin Sho" Shoichi Funaki & "Superstar" Billy Kidman vs. "The NEW Bionic Redneck" Jamie Noble & "The man called" Tajiri.

[Guest The Czech Republic]

A hoss showdown and JR isn't there? Awww... I wanted to hear "Oh he's a stud bah gawd, oh my is he a hoss" and to hear about Buchanan's extensive high school and college football career.

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

JR would explode if he had to commentate Albert/Bull.... I mean, his brain would implode just trying to think of metaphores for the two.

 

"Bah Gawd Albert is just a bull, I mean Bull is a bull, I mean Albert is a mastadon, I mean, uh, Matt Hardy with a crippler crossface and a swanton bomb by Chris Jericho and right hand right hand right hand, buck, hoss, bear, rattlesnake, brama bull, smashmouth, bah gawd he killed him right hand right hand right hand."

 

*Ka-BOOM*

[Guest Jobber of the Week]

Albert is a mastadon

LOL!

 

I didn't know it until I got home, but I noticed the show I went to was where Brock was crowned a HOSS~! ("Look at that Brock!" "Well, he's a hoss, all right...")

[Chunk 0]

RavishingRickRudo => Very funny, lol lol

 

You should contact the WWE abot a commentating trial, i bet JR would be literally quaking in his boots if he founf out, lol

[Guest The Czech Republic]

How about Dr. Death vs. Bull Buchanan vs. Albert vs. Bradshaw in an Ultimate Hoss Showdown! JR would get premature ejaculation from that.

[Guest Jobber of the Week]

Except none of those guys are any good, have any heat, or go beyond the midcard.

 

If you want REAL hoss action, you need Undertaker v Kane v Big Show v Bubba Tuff with a Brock run in.

[Guest Downhome]

JR would explode if he had to commentate Albert/Bull.... I mean, his brain would implode just trying to think of metaphores for the two.

 

"Bah Gawd Albert is just a bull, I mean Bull is a bull, I mean Albert is a mastadon...

No, THIS is a bull/mastadon...

 

 

 

...yes folks, it is the one, the only, the TRUE hoss of Pro. Wrestling, the dreaded, MANTAUR!

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

HEY! Dr. Death was good at one point.

 

T.O.P. T.O.P. LONG LIVE T.O.P. FOREVER.

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

Oh Jesus Christ Downhome.

 

C-H-E-C-K-M-A-T-E

[Guest Downhome]

Oh Jesus Christ Downhome.

 

C-H-E-C-K-M-A-T-E

 

As for Dr. Death, I used to really like him, really. He just really slacked off after a while, sadly. Do you guys remember when he did that run in on a WCW show and destroyed three Cruiserweights at the same time, all the way injuring them all LEGIT?

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

I was watchin a Dr Death match from Japan yesterday from 2001 and he actually looked pretty good (vs. Kojima/Tenzan) but hardly to form. But Dr. Death was a top wrestler in the late 80s and early ninties and is probably one of the best big men ever... Plus he throws a helluva right hand

[Guest Downhome]

Not to get off topic, but this is to any of you who are familier with my posts...

 

...have you ever noticed that when I post smiles, I ONLY post three, and never more or less? Not only that, but I always either post all three the same thing, or I will make the middle one different than the other two?

[Guest The Electrifyer]

OMG!! Manteur!! Where did you get pics of him??

[Guest Downhome]

OMG!! Manteur!! Where did you get pics of him??

I have my ways, bwahahahahahaha!

[Guest The Czech Republic]

I think WWE needs another Mantaur. Something that's so entirely ridiculous it's good, like making a table win the Hardcore belt.

[Chunk 0]

What about Mini Dust, hes pretty funny if you ask me! How about putting the hardcore title on him, by him getting choke slammed onto a downed apponent or something! lol

 

ChUnK!

[Guest Downhome]

I think WWE needs another Mantaur. Something that's so entirely ridiculous it's good, like making a table win the Hardcore belt.

Or how about a deer head or just a head?

 

We could always bring this guy back...

 

 

...we would then be in store for some fun and wacky skits of him eating random things like this cocker spaniel...

 

 

...and then he can give birth to Doink the Clown, and we'll have him back also...

 

 

...*sigh*, isn't trips down memory lane just awesome?

[Guest The Electrifyer]

Hahahaha... Bastion Booger!! This is too much... look at his eyebrows!!

[Guest Downhome]

Hahahaha... Bastion Booger!! This is too much... look at his eyebrows!!

Man, I'll never forget sitting there watching wrestling, and then this guy coming down. I wanted to turn the channel, but that damn entrance theme was so hypnotizing, that it made you just HAVE to watch!

[Guest The Czech Republic]

I think there should be a wrestler who makes people laugh, but on the inside he's real sad. Also, he has a case of severe diarrhea.

[Guest TestKick]

I have to say I would prefer Friar Ferguson over Booger. There's just something about an obese, dancing friar...

 

I predict 13 cheap shots on Bret tonight.

[Guest The Electrifyer]

In the future, do you think they're going to bash Austin as much as they bash Bret now??

[Guest Downhome]

In the future, do you think they're going to bash Austin as much as they bash Bret now??

Of course, they do it when all of their top stars leave on bad terms. They did it to Hogan, they are doing it to Bret, and they will do it to Austin. Just give them time, they'll get around to it.

[Guest TestKick]

I think WWE will be history by the time Austin's contract runs out...

[Guest The Czech Republic]

WWE is not going anywhere.

[Guest Mystery Eskimo]

I think WWE needs another Mantaur. Something that's so entirely ridiculous it's good, like making a table win the Hardcore belt.

YES! A table should be knocked over and pin whoever the hell the champ is now. The ref makes the count because his contacts have fallen out.

 

JR: BAH GAWD! THAT- THAT TABLE JUST GOT THE PINFALL! IT'S A HOSS! BAH GAWD! A HOSS OF A TABLE!

 

Then, next week, the table wins a bikini contest against Terri.