Smarkdown Comments

[Guest Ace309]

I'll finish reading the show soon enough.

[Guest Thoth]

Mystery woman in the house!

 

Also, sorry for my short match... but I was busy, like Muzz. What you saw was the second, LONGER version of my match. Before, Tom ran in right after the big kick to the face.

[Guest Ace309]

The Superior Comments About The Show~!

(brought to you this week by Wegman's, responsible for half the water bottles in my computer room)

 

Opening Promo

No love for the opening promo.

 

Frost over Ced Ordonez via Icepick

I'm disproportionately amused buy the Dweezil Zappa theme song. w00t~!

Teasing the Icepick throughout the match was done very well, as were Ced's counters. They were very good for the character; I can totally see Ced doing those sorts of things.

I also liked Frost basically no-selling a kneelift and a chinlock in the corner so he could stand up. I just got this vision of John Malkovich as Lenny in Of Mice And Men walking around with a Filipino junior heavyweight (caramel midget?) on his back.

Frost didn't, however, seem to take Ced as seriously as the match dictated. Ced was tenacious, but Frost seemed listless in the match.

Finally, on my read-through, I didn't notice the neck being worked much. Yes, there was a brainbuster, but it seemed like the teasing for the Icepick got chalked up as a setup. Didn't sit well with me, despite it being a completely credible move. Overall, though, good work as always.

 

Tom Flesher and Mak Francis Promo

Sorry, folks, don't review my own work. I did write this fairly quickly, and I understand that Mak's dialog left a lot to be desired, as did the rubbery ending.

 

Annie Eclectic and Tod deKindes have their match postponed

I like Annie teasing info about Sara, although I'm not sure how much of an evil genius Annie really is.

Going through a window... ain't nothing wrong with that.

 

Thoth over Sacred by Disqualification

Opening banter about 'Bemani' is entertaining. It also segued seamlessly into a bit of history between Thoth and Sacred, with the caveat that both men have changed their outlooks. Nice little internal hook.

I really liked the note about Sacred destroying Thoth with basic arm work. It puts him over as both technically able and quite the badass at the same time. Very adept, Mr. oth.

Since Thoth sold the shoulder like it was being hackedoff, I'm hoping to see some payoff for this over the next few matches, until it "heals" slowly. (Hey, I sold the arm from Ultimate Submissions for four or five shows because people kept working it. It didn't "heal" till I went on vacation.)

Also, I know there are plans for this, but EXPLAIN THE GIRL~!

 

East Coast Legacy over Carnivale Internationale via East Coast Fuck You

Once again, partially my own work. Mak did the first half, which I tried to clean up to match my finish stylistically. I didn't do a very good job, though, and it's pretty glaringly obvious who wrote what. I'll take this opportunity to point out that Mak characterizes everybody spot-on, but I would have liked him to write Flesher a little more seriously. In that sort of tag team - a stable leader and a slightly younger guy who's basically his twin, stylewise - I'd expect there to be clearly defined Jumbo and Misawa roles. That is to say, Flesher automatically gets taken a little more seriously, and Mak goes slightly more towards Eager Young Space Cadet.

I point this out only because I'm trying to get Flesher over as more of a serious threat than a walking theatre of the absurd now.

 

All in all, not a bad hsow, per se, but only three matches actually went down with only two promos. Kind of disappointing.

[Secret Agent 0]

I read the show Tom, but it just semmed to be so lacking. 3 matches and 2 promos. All but the last match were incredibly short.

 

Surley the Wf has more people to book than a 4 match show. Hmm o well, i await Storm.

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

Due to having more free time since I don’t write for Storm and being inspired by Tom and chat chat about drumming up more interest in shows, I give you my comments of commentary.

 

OPENING PROMO:

Just there to open, but that’s all that’s needed. However, let me mention that I thought there was another match before mine, so I wrote mine like it was the second on the card. Damn double no-showers.

 

CED VS. FROST:

Great comments by Tom, I thank you for the insight. You pegged what I was doing with the Ice Pick psychology without me even realizing it. Teasing it was equivalent to me working the neck, when I really wasn’t doing anything at all. However, I think you could get a crowd to buy into that, thinking that teasing the move is working the neck and the move is so dangerous that if he hits it, it’s over. I guess I just bought into that line of thinking myself. For Frost being listless and not taking Ced serious, I sat that up in the promo and that is something that I’ve put into Frost’s character from the start. He doesn’t take most people seriously as he is very egotistical and that’s one of his Achilles heels, you can surprise him. The intended idea was that Frost thought he could beat Ced in about 30 seconds, but Ced proves to be so resilient and strong that Frost is forced to take him seriously and focus to beat him. Although, I don’t think that really came through with me losing that narrative thread and having a small word limit to work with.

 

FLESHER PROMO:

I could tell it was a little rushed; some of the syntax was off. I dig Flesher’s suit, very rat packish and having Mak dressed the same way gives an amusing visual. However, I think the whole East Coast Legacy thing came off as a bit flat. I read that and went, “big whoop.” I really didn’t see the importance of them naming their team up for the evening, considering that they are both part of a larger stable. (And Iceland is a lot farther east than your two pathetic hometowns. Reykjavik represents!) Playing up Thoth and Flesher’s past history is a good idea and helps to build conflict with them, but I wasn’t quite sure why Thoth would pick that moment to confront Flesher. Mak and Ced also felt like hangers on and if a tag team feud arises from this, which would be fantastic, some heat between Mak and Ced should also be built.

 

DEKINDES GETS THE BEAT DOWN

-The brooms were a nice touch, as was having Riley use the term “humanoids.” A nod to the current Kane angle was unwarranted, as it only made me think of how easily the Sara storyline could devolve into soap opera drivel. Although I do have faith in both Tod and Annie to work the angle to a sufficient conclusion without overshadowing the in ring work. Why is there an anvil case in the back? Am I missing something with that? It would be cool if you named some of the road agents after old SWF guys. What, no Frost commercials in your ad break? For shame. Does Mark Hebner have the authority to call off a match? Wouldn’t they need a paramedic’s decision or to consult Stubby or something? And where did Annie go? Showing her leaving the building, very self satisfied would have been good. From what I understand, Tod wrote this to postpone the match when Annie couldn’t write. Very classy move on his part and shows just what a competitor Tod is. I hope to work with him again in the future. I smell a window pain match at the ppv.

 

SACRED VS. THOTH

-The opening on the nature of cameras was very funny. Although I don’t like self-referential winks, such as this was the best you could do at 4 in the morning. “Here’s Stevens in Riley,” man I could put so many gay jokes to that typo. Nice banter by the commentators at the beginning. You could have played up the two recent title wins for both guys more, and state how they are the future of the fed with all of the recent retirees and all. “...” says Stevens – wouldn’t “Stevens says nothing,” make more sense. There’s some odd syntax and grammar throughout, but only things a nitpicky English major would pick up on. Nice playing up of Thoth and Sacred’s history with each other and their evolutions from that point. Delving into the history even more within the context of the match would be good for relative noobs likes me, that don’t have that SWF history DVD at their fingertips (damn TNT stole mine). Solid descriptions throughout and the match had a tight pace, despite the heavy mat based work. The commentary was also brilliantly used to highlight and fill in what was going on, as that’s what the commentary is for. It did seem a little weaker when you tried to go for jokes, just follow your natural inclinations. The ending was out of nowhere and felt like you just ran out of time to write. Not that having Flesher interfere is not a good idea, but it was handled in around a paragraph with no real importance laid into it. Playing off of what Stevens said on how Flesher didn’t want Thoth to win any match, it would have been interesting to have Tom take out Sacred, that way Thoth gets dq’ed and he loses the match on what looks like Flesher trying to help him out. More mind games.

 

MC VS. MAG 7

-The beginning was a little too clipped, needed more setup. There was also no mention of the last match or retaliation by Thoth. However, I know it’s hard to set up threads through multiple matches and promos due to weak lines of overall communication. While the action is described well, I never got a sense of a good pace or flow. It was more like four guys performing and exhibition. You could have also focused the commentary more on the match at hand instead of trying to get Mark and Bobby’s characters over and going for laughs with that. What’s with all the collar and elbow tie-ups? You guys train with Hogan or what? A greater working of the tag team formula (quick tags, double teaming, building to the hot tag) could have been used here and is something you guys will need to master if you try to tackle the Cross Wizards. I don’t think the styles clashed as much you thought Tom, any inconsistencies seemed to have been smoothed over nicely. Very hot finish that shows Mak and Tom has promise as a tag team.

 

Overall this was a very lackluster show. Two promos, two matches and one abbreviated match that ended in a quick dq. This does not bode well for the upcoming Storm or the ppv. Hopefully people can get it into gear and the slack of the recent retirees can be picked up. There are a lot of talented writers left here in the fed and we all just need to apply ourselves and support each other as best we can.