EWR Diary for XPW

[Guest chirs3]

Bob Van Damme cracks me up.

[Guest Powerplay]

Stone Froze Jack Houstan...hehe, actually that would be so badass if he stunned people through tables for a finisher

Frost, you have to take Stone Froze Jack Houston for no other reason than for him stunnering people through tables.

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

Ok, folks, there will be no rip off named people joining anytime soon. Primarily because I've got the eXXXiles angle starting up in the next month of the game and I'm bringing in new people for that. Although Stone Froze Jack Houston might be too damn hard to pass up.

 

Hopefully I'll have a new show up tonight as I need to finish writing my SWF match righ now.

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

XPW Wednesday Wet Dream for July 23rd, 2003

Taped Live from the Comcast Studios in Comcastlevania

Hosts: Joey Styles and Sandy Finkel

 

The newly christened Charles Palumbo comes out with the rest of the Flock-Nest in tow. He has indeed taken over the reigns of power from Perrious Saturn, who was his dupe all along (if you overlook logic and history, that works out fine). “Carless” Mark Jindrak might have trailed him across country on foot, but he’ll be hot footing it out of XPW when he gets done with him. Alas, Palumbo can’t quite turn a phrase like Saturn could. Regardless, the XPW is still under Flock-Nest control and to celebrate his new regime, tonight is ALL SIX MAN TAGS ALL THE TIME~! He can’t book like Saturn either.

Segment Rating: 66%

 

Leftover Useless Workers Opening Six Man Tag

Webb\Fairway\Borden vs Doring\Matthew\T'Pol:

Doring bodyslams Lizzy Borden. Doring slams Lizzy Borden down. Tag to T'Pol. Flying dropkick from T'Pol on Borden. Back heel kick from T'Pol on Borden, missed by miles. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tag to Alter Boy Matthew. T'Pol \ Matthew whip Borden into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Driven DDT by Alter Boy Matthew. The ring shook violently, instantly making it better at selling than some of the current roster. Lizzy Borden pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Lizzy Borden hits a weak elbow on Alter Boy Matthew. Borden tags out to Chip Fairway. Alter Boy Matthew walks into a chop to the pecs. Face-first suplex from Fairway, but not done very well. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Matthew eats a swinging neckbreaker slam from Fairway. Tag between Chip Fairway and Webb. Chanelling the spirit of Misawa, Webb uses a forearm to the face. Webb slams Alter Boy Matthew down. Alter Boy Matthew reverses a hip toss. Tag between Alter Boy Matthew and Danny Doring. Bodyslam by Doring. Tag to Lizzy Borden. Lizzy Borden punches away at Danny Doring. Doring counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face. Lizzy Borden is in trouble. Wham Bam! 1....2....3. Nothing worth seeing here, i'll give a 1\2 star rating because i'm generous.

(I like how “Doring bodyslams Lizzy Borden” then “Doring slams Lizzy Borden down.” Makes you think he’s pulling out some sort of funky ass Power Hoist variation or something. I should hire Doug Furnas. What’s with Lizzy working over half the match and Webb tagging her in against Doring. Somebody’s lacing their breakfast fruit loops with PCP. This does help to bring the Webb vs. Doring feud into the home stretch, although most of you probably forgot they were even still at it.)

Winner: a Catholic, a reformed Amish and an Orthodox Vulcan

Overall Rating: 46%

Crowd Reaction: 42%

Match Quality: 50%

 

Lizzy Borden is steaming mad in the back after the loss. Chip Fairway offers to ass rape her with a six iron, but not even that will cheer her up. T’Pol walks by and Lizzy pimp slaps her like Huggy Bear. Not only does T’Pol’s team win the six-man tag, but she still has to face her in a buck naked match at Rapture. Lizzy’s a porn star, she’s not going to get naked for a bunch of rubes during a live show. She’s a whore, not a tramp, there’s a difference. T’Pol suggests that she take up the booking with Rob Black. She’s found him to be a reasonable man. Wait…I thought Vulcans couldn’t lie? Eh, that’s a myth like Pon Farr. She goes into heat all the time. Cue Chip Fairway, “Helloooooo nurse!” Lizzy pimp slaps him like Rooster from Baretta. She then backhands T’Pol like she was Bumpy Jones and the two get into a catfight! Chip opens a bottle of beer and watches the action. He thinks he’ll like it in XPW after all.

Segment Rating: 45%

 

Elvis Died on the Toilet vs. Bah Mitzvah After Party

Stetson\Orton\Bilvis vs Irishman\MJ\Sandman:

Incredibly weak headbutt on Bilvis by Sandman. Punch by Sandman, missing Bilvis by a good six inches. Sandman tags out to The Miserly Jew. Bilvis Wesley takes a knee lift from MJ. Back heel kick from MJ on Bilvis, missed by miles. There's a two count on the pin. Tag to The Drunk Irishman. Politically Incorrect whip Bilvis into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Irishman slams Bilvis Wesley down. Big John Studd would be proud, no doubt. Bilvis blocks a punch. Irishman takes a weak clothesline. Tag to Honky Tonk Orton. Back elbow connects, Irishman staggers backward. Honky Tonk Orton scores with a big spinebuster. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Big backdrop on Irishman, executed well. Tag to "Hot Shit" Tony Stetson. "Hot Shit" Tony Stetson strikes The Drunk Irishman. Big forearm by Stetson, which was thrown so badly that Misawa is probably doubled-up with laughter somewhere. The Drunk Irishman reverses a hip toss. Tag to The Sandman. The Sandman strikes "Hot Shit" Tony Stetson. Tag to Bilvis Wesley. Weak kick from Bilvis. The Sandman elbows Bilvis Wesley in the face to break a hammerlock. The Sandman moves in for the kill. Here it comes - DDT. 1....2...3, it's finished. Rating: 1\2 star.

(Notice how Stetson takes one “strike” off the Sandman and tags out to Bilvis so he can do the job. I think Tony is getting the hang of what it means to be pushed, i.e. protect your spot at all times. Post match, Sandman and Irishman gets blasted on Blatz while the Memphis Mafia pay tribute to Elvis by eating a fistful of horse tranquilizers. The Miserly Jew teaches Stetson how to deal with dependent junkies. Scott Hall cameo, “Hellooooooooooooooo, nurse.”)

Winners: Dr. Phil’s new patients

Overall Rating: 48%

Crowd Reaction: 42%

Match Quality: 55%

 

Joey Numbers is using the cell phone on the wall to call his Stacker 2 supplier on the east cost. The Metabolite gangs are encroaching on their territory so they’re going to have to start busting some caps in some asses. He’s so distracted by the phone call that Numbers doesn’t notice the three hundred pound, black pizza delivery man who waddles up next to him, because frankly that’s kind of hard not to notice. He wants paid for the pizza. Numbers didn’t order any pizza, but what kind is it? The man opens the box to reveal that it’s empty. The pizza delivery guy is Mark Henry and he got hungry and ate it. Hell, he even licked the grease spots. Ahmed Johnson bashes Numbers from behind with a canned ham so hard that it breaks open. Numbers is left lying while the Fat Boys run off to eat their ham. “Thanks dog, that little key broke off and I needed my canned meat intake for the day.”

Segment Rating: 49%

 

T’Pol goes to “Carless” Mark Jindrak’s dressing room. Is she in heat? No. Does she want to give him a free bus pass? No. She wants to invite him to join the Enterprise, due to his knowledge of Palumbo’s evil ways. Enterprise, so that means you guys have like a bitching space ship that you fly around in? Well…not really. Could they still give him rides, since he doesn’t own a car? Halloween does own an El Camino. Think he’d let me sleep in the back of it? Probably. Deal!

Segment Rating: 60%

 

Where’s the Bacon vs. BUTT Bongo Fiesta

Ahmed\Henry\D vs Numbers\Chetti\Kaos:

Joey Numbers strikes Ahmed. Hard back suplex on Ahmed. Anyone remember when that was Shawn Michaels's finisher? Tag between Joey Numbers and Kaos. Spin kick by Kaos to the face. Kaos crushes Ahmed with a running senton. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tag to Chris Chetti. Kaos \ Chetti whip Ahmed into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Chris Chetti hits a rolling kick on Ahmed. Ahmed pushes out of a Chris Chetti hold. Big forearm by Ahmed, which was thrown so badly that Misawa is probably doubled-up with laughter somewhere. Tag to Mark Henry. Mark Henry punches away at Chris Chetti. Flapjack from Henry on Chetti. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Weak slam from Henry. Tag between Mark Henry and Heavy D. Incredibly weak headbutt on Chetti by D. Uninspiring brawling from Heavy D. Chetti blocks a kick from Heavy D. Tag to Joey Numbers. Numbers uses a basement dropkick to the knee. Tag to Ahmed Johnson. Ahmed Johnson hits some weak-looking punches. Ahmed Johnson DDTs Numbers, poorly executed. Ahmed Johnson gets whipped into the corner. Numbers charges in, but into a pair of raised boots. Ahmed uses a roll up, with feet on the second rope! The referee hasn't seen it: 1....2....3!! Rating: 1\2 star.

(I don’t think Kariagas has won a match since I made him into Joey Numbers, but he’s still at 100% morale because I’m at least using him now and he’s not in the back playing canasta with the Alter Boys. Kaos offers the Fat Boys a bite of his salami and they run off. Although Henry thought twice about it, wouldn’t be the first time for him. Kaos is confused, because he literally had a hard salami in his pants. No, seriously, a real meat product. No, not like that, a real tube of hard cured meat. No, I mean…skip it.)

Winners: Those who didn’t watch the match

Overall Rating: 47%

Crowd Reaction: 44%

Match Quality: 50%

 

Charles Palumbo is in the back attempting to swallow a small kitten whole, but his heart really isn’t into it. How do you get your mouth that wide anyway? Maybe Lizzy Borden can show him. Lady Victoria shows up to tell Palumbo that Jindrak has joined the Enterprise and he’ll be facing him in the next six man tag. “Ah, the game is afoot. My worthy adversary has decided to align himself with the thorns in my delicate side. No matter, I shall tromp their marrow to ashes and…fuck this pussy talk, let’s go whump some ass.”

Segment Rating: 52%

 

All-Star Jams vs. the El Camino Broke Down

Flock-Nest vs Enterprise:

Palumbo walks into a high dropkick from Julio Dinero. Palumbo takes a flying neckbreaker from Julio Dinero. Dinero tags out to GQ Money. Palumbo walks into a spinning heel kick, evidently feeling that the 'duck' tactic is over-rated. Suplex into a front slam from GQ, but the execution was crap. There's a two count on the pin. Tag between GQ Money and Mark Jindrak. GQ \ Jindrak whip Palumbo into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Running knee lift from Mark Jindrak. Charles Palumbo reverses a hip toss. Big backdrop on Jindrak, executed well. Tag to FlockNest Monster. Nesty uses a basement dropkick to the knee. DDT from the top rope by FlockNest Monster. That looked brutal. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Legsweep out of Nowhere. Where is Nowhere, and why do moves keep coming out of there? Does it have a factory? Nesty tags out to American Wild Child. Kick from American Wild Child to the leg. Flying elbow from American Wild Child, barely hitting the target. Jindrak reverses a waistlock. Jindrak tags out to Julio Dinero. Flying elbow from Julio Dinero. Tag between American Wild Child and Charles Palumbo. Dinero gets slammed. Palumbo hits a stump piledriver on Julio Dinero. Charles Palumbo ducks a Dinero clothesline and does a quick roll up. Palumbo has a handful of tights! The referee hasn't seen it: 1....2....3!! It was close to a ** match, but one too many blown spots knocks it down to a *1\2 rating.

(The fact that the match almost got ** shocks me with those losers. I hope this doesn’t mean that Palumbo and Jindrak are going to usher in some kind of “work rate” era. I’ll be sure to crush that when the eXXXiles debut. The only work rate then will revolve around the thrust per minute ratio. I don’t really know if that even makes a whole hell of a lot of sense, but Smokey and the Bandit 2 is on and I’m a little distracted.)

Winners: the stable that has no connection to its original concept

Overall Rating: 57%

Crowed Reaction: 48%

Match Quality: 67%

 

Terry Funks walks through the back to find Mexico’s Most Wanted. He finds them dissecting the theories of Socrates, but they quickly start shouting “ARRIBA!” and rolling a joint when they see the camera. Funk knows he hasn’t talked to them much since they’ve joined the Enterprise, but frankly he doesn’t speak Mexican. Well, he does, kind of like how John Wayne could speak any language he needed to have, but he doesn’t like people to know about it. It’s an old ass kickers trick that only old ass kickers know. With James Coburn dead, he and Lee Marvin are about the only two left that know how to do it. Lee Marvin’s been dead for fifteen years. That’s what they want you to think. Anyway, “you spicks beat the other spicks and I’ll take out the retard.” Those sensitivity classes T’Pol is having him attend just aren’t working.

Segment Rating: 77%

 

Terry Funk is Having Flashbacks to Fighting at the Alamo because he’s Surrounded by so Many Damn Mexicans and is that Damn Old

Enterprise vs Flock-Nest:

Terry Funk strikes Villano IV. Big kick from Funker. Tag to Damien 666. Flying elbow from Damien 666, barely hitting the target. Damien 666 uses a running dropkick into the corner. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tag to Halloween. Mexico's Most Wanted hook up Vil IV, then hit a double suplex. Halloween hits a dropkick on Villano IV. 'Hit' may be an exaggeration, as it barely touched. Villano IV elbows Halloween in the face to break a hammerlock. Vil IV hits a spinning back kick. Tag to Villano V. Halloween takes a second rope chop from Vil V. Villano V with an enziguri, although the late Owen Hart's version was far superior. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Vil V hits a dropkick on Halloween. Tag between Villano V and Supreme. Supreme strikes Halloween. Weak bodyslam on Halloween by Supreme. Halloween blocks the suplex attempt. Halloween tags out to Terry Funk. Terry Funk with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Supreme. Supreme tags out to Villano IV. Vil IV snapmares Terry Funk. Funker counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face. Terry Funk has Villano IV down on the canvas and is ascending the corner. Through the air, Moonsault! 1....2....3. I'll give a ****1\2 star rating, because the Villanos lost.

(Villano IV flips out after the match and starts viciously cradling everyone in sight. Terry Funk whacks him with a cookie sheet to bring him to his senses. Supreme and Villano V blast Funk with chairs in an attempt to show Villano IV how to properly do a beat down. Funk asks for help, but Mexico’s Most Wanted believes that the “geezer honky cracker” can take care of himself. Touché then.)

Winners: Geezer, Satan and Satan Incorporated

Overall Rating: 49%

Crowd Reaction: 46%

Match Quality: 52%

 

Show Rating: 53%

TV Rating: .56

Attendance: 175 people who want to know what all this six-man tag shit is about.

 

XPW Rapture Card!

 

Fucking Aye, God Bless Titties Buck Naked Match

T’Pol vs. Lizzy Borden

 

Fine, I’ll go for the Cheap Jokes Match for the XPW Hot Shit Title

“Hot Shit” Tony Stetson vs. Carlos Colon

 

Loser Leaves the Immediate Vicinity Hackensack, New Jersey Death Match

Webb vs. Danny Doring

 

For the Honor of Mexico, Discounting Tijuana, Tag Match for the XPW Tag Team Titles

Los Villanos vs. Mexico’s Most Wanted

 

Why Isn’t the Sandman Living in the Ghetto Singles Match for the XPW Television Title

Honky Tonk Orton vs. The Sandman

 

Hell in a Der Wienerschnitzal Tag Team Tussle

YOUR Stacker 2 Connection vs. The Fat Boys

-Match to be held in the Der Winerschnitzal fast food restaurant of Sherman Oaks California

 

Not Really that Impressive or Dangerous Ladder Match for the XPW Deathmatch Title

FlockNest Monster vs. GQ Money

 

Loser Leaves on Foot Singles Match

Charles Palumbo vs. Mark Jindrak

 

Honetly, I don’t want this as the Main Event Either Singles Match for the XPW World Title

Terry Funk vs. Supreme

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

XPW Rapture for July 27th, 2003

Live from the Rob Black Dome (an inflatable circus tent) in Sherman Oaks, California

Hosts: Joey Styles and Sandy Finkel

 

Fucking Aye, God Bless Titties Buck Naked Match

T’Pol vs. Lizzy Borden:

Sluggish brawling from T'Pol. T'Pol hits a quick kick on Borden. T'Pol hits a big clothesline, not of the 'from Hell' variety. Borden blocks the suplex attempt. Forearm to the face from Borden on T'Pol. Messed up bodyslam by Borden. T'Pol fights out of a grapple. Flapjack from T'Pol on Borden. Lizzy Borden is in trouble. Vulcan Death Grip! T'Pol strips Borden to her bra and panties for the win! Lizzy Borden has a temper tantrum, kicking the ropes and punching the turnbuckles to prevent T’Pol from stripping her further. Borden heads for the hills, leading the fans booing at the lack of titties. DUD.

(Ok, so I had to swerve. T’Pol refused to do the buck-naked match, even though she was going to win. Her exact words were, and I’m quoting, “You’re a sick freak! Go to hell!” If I had a nickel for every time a woman said that to me I would have $8.75.)

Winner: T’Pol

Overall Rating: 32%

Crowd Reaction: 45%

Match Quality: 17%

 

Fine, I’ll go for the Cheap Jokes Match for the XPW Hot Shit Title

“Hot Shit” Tony Stetson vs. Carlos Colon:

Hot Shit strikes the Colon. Carlos counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Stetson takes a back suplex. The referee bumps after catching a wild shot of Hot Shit and is down. The Colon is turned inside-out by Hot Shit. Hooks the leg, but the referee is still out due to being rocked by Hot Shit. Stetson powers out of a headlock. Hot Shit hits a weak elbow on the Colon. Big clothesline from Stetson. 'Big' because it missed by a big margin. Hooks the leg for a two count. Sloppy tornado punch from "Hot Shit" Tony Stetson, the Colon barely got hit that time. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Carlos Colon reverses a hip toss. Powerslam by the Colon on Hot Shit. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Stetson powers out of a headlock. Hot Shit moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Hot Shit Blaster. 1....2...3, it's finished. The Colon is severely weakened. The Colon leaves and walks back down the aisle. Wait...Hot Shit comes running as well, and the Colon gets dropped with a clothesline, followed by a load of stomps. He is left lying in the aisle. Hot Shit has destroyed the Colon. Slap a DUD on it, move on.

(Bischoff is God was right, that was funny. I doctored a few lines here and there to make it play better. The Colon is hauled off for intense medical care, while Hot Shit goes nuts in the back and covers Lady Victoria with his sweet shitty love.)

Winner: “Hot Shit” Tony Stetson

Overall Rating: 43%

Crowd Reaction: 44%

Match Quality: 53%

 

Loser Leaves the Immediate Vicinity Hackensack, New Jersey Death Match

Webb vs. Danny Doring:

Webb gets slammed onto a trash can, squashing it. Tiger bomb by Danny Doring, although no mention is made of whether it originated in Pearl River. Hooks the leg for a two count. Webb drops out the back of a Danny Doring bodyslam attempt. Chanelling the spirit of Misawa, Webb uses a forearm to the face. Rude Awakening on Danny Doring by Webb. Pin : 1 - 2- 3. Webb defeats Doring. The referee counts: 2....3...4....but Doring stands up. Doring eats a trash can. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Webb slams Danny Doring down. Doring kicks Webb in the gut to reverse the momentum. Gutwrench into a powerbomb, Webb hits hard. Cover gets three. Danny Doring pinned Webb. The referee counts: 2....3...4....but Webb stands up. Danny Doring scores with a standing spinebuster. Pin, three count, it's over. Danny Doring pins Webb. The referee counts: 6....7...8....but Webb stands up. Webb tastes a high angle back suplex. It probably tasted like chicken. Danny Doring slams Webb through a table. Webb fights out of a grapple. Rude Awakening on Danny Doring by Webb. Webb scores with a standing spinebuster. Webb moves in for the kill. Shithole Slam!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! The referee counts to 10, this match is over! Kaos comes running down the aisle with a chair, and gets into the ring! Kaos hits Webb with a chair to the back! Webb goes down to the canvas, hurt. I'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

(Danny Doring is out like parachute pants. He was being a little bitch, so fuck him. If Webb wants to be a bitch now, he’s gone too. I’ll have Ahmed Johnson eat him and Kaos ream him in the ass. Control your fed with an iron fist, says I. Christ; I really fucking hate Danny Doring now. That’s kind of pathetic really. “Hey man, wrestling’s coming to town. Danny Doring’s going to be there.” “Fuck him.” “Dude, what do you have against Danny Doring, he’s an ok worker.” “He’s a whiny little bitch that always wants to be put over and is never happy…in a fake game I play of fake wrestling.” That’s sad.)

Winner: Webb

Overall Rating: 55%

Crowd Reaction: 64%

Match Quality: 60%

 

For the Honor of Mexico, Discounting Tijuana, Tag Match for the XPW Tag Team Titles

Los Villanos vs. Mexico’s Most Wanted:

Vil V takes a kick to the chest, and staggers back. Halloween hits a flying kick on Vil V. Flying knee to the face from Halloween. Is it Mutoh Appreciation Night? Tag to Villano IV. Vil IV hits a quick kick on Halloween. Halloween counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face. Halloween hits a back kick. Tag to Damien 666. Mexico's Most Wanted whip Vil IV into the corner. Halloween whips Damien 666 in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Damien 666 uses a running dropkick into the corner. Damien 666 with an enziguri. Damien tags out to Halloween. Villano IV climbs to the top rope, ready to leap at Halloween. Villano V bounces off the ropes for an elbow drop without seeing his partner, and crotches Vil IV by accident. Halloween has Villano IV down on the canvas. Here it comes...Pumpkin Patch! Villano IV taps! Los Villanos look like they aren't done...and they attack Mexico's Most Wanted! After an exchange of blows, Halloween and Damien are laid out in the ring. DUD, for the Villanos losing the titles.

(I had to take the belts off of them. Sophie kept telling me that the Villanos weren’t ready and she was withholding sex. Sophie is one fine piece of bitch. She pussy whipped me. Although I do have something resembling a tag division now, so I can mix things up better. I didn’t say I had a division, it just vaguely looks like one.)

Winners: Mexico’s Most Wanted

Overall Rating: 44%

Crowd Reaction: 43%

Match Quality: 55%

 

Why Isn’t the Sandman Living in the Ghetto Singles Match for the XPW Television Title

Honky Tonk Orton vs. The Sandman:

Punch by Sandman, missing Orton by a good six inches. Big clothesline from Sandman. 'Big' because it missed by a big margin. Hooks the leg for a two count. Honky Tonk Orton fights out of a grapple. Chanelling the spirit of Misawa, Honky Tonk Orton uses a forearm to the face. Bodyslam by Orton. Cover for a two count. Massive lariat, apparently Orton has been watching The Best Of Stan Hansen again. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Bodyslam by Orton. Sandman counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Powerslam from The Sandman on Orton. There's a two count on the pin. The Sandman scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Weak slam from Sandman. The Sandman strikes Honky Tonk Orton. Honky Tonk Orton reverses a hip toss. Back elbow connects, Sandman staggers backward. Honky Tonk Orton scores with a standing spinebuster. Bilvis Wesley comes running down the aisle with a chair! Orton and The Sandman continue fighting, unaware of the intrusion. Bilvis Wesley slides in and blasts The Sandman with a chair to the head! Bilvis climbs out of the ring, the damage done! Honky Tonk Orton moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Shake, Rattle and Orton. 1....2...3, it's finished. Bilvis Wesley remains in the ring. The Sandman pushes the referee away, then spins Bilvis around! The Sandman hits the DDT! Bilvis Wesley has been floored after the match. I'm going to give this a ** rating because i'm in a generous mood.

(Sandman can’t believe that he got beat by a third rate Honky Tonk Man wannabe, and a third rate guy who’s a fifth rate Orton. He’d rather be jobbing to Meng back in WCW while wondering where Chastity hid her penis at in those dresses. Man, I’m just getting dirtier and dirtier by the show. I must be channeling the spirit of Rob Black. The XPW will curse you and Blacken your soul! Play the TCW instead and speak fluent Dusty-ese! I played as the TCW once, my first act was to take the title off of Scotty Riggs and I renamed Naked Mideon The Slag. I’m not sure what that meant, but doesn’t he look like a guy named The Slag.)

Winner: Honky Tonk Orton

Overall Rating: 62%

Crowd Reaction: 76%

Match Quality: 53%

 

Hell in a Der Wienerschnitzal Tag Team Tussle

YOUR Stacker 2 Connection vs. The Fat Boys:

Frying pan shot by Ahmed. Mark Henry strikes Joey Numbers. Ahmed rams Chetti into a table. Ahmed Johnson stops for a chilidog. Ahmed Johnson stops for a chilidog. Joey Numbers fights out of a grapple. Flying axe handle from the order counter, Ahmed goes down. YOUR Stacker 2 Connection whip Ahmed into the french fryer and hit a double back elbow. Mark Henry stops for a big orange soda. Chetti crushes Henry with a serving tray and sprays him with Dr. Pepper. Face slam on the table by Chetti. Ahmed counters an avalanche by blinding Chetti with a bottle of ketchup. Ahmed Johnson stops for a chilidog. Powerslam from Mark Henry on Chetti. Ahmed Johnson DDTs Numbers into a cooling unit, poorly executed. Joey Numbers is all alone...The Disorderly Dump!! 1....2....3! The fight has started up again! The Fat Boys attacks YOUR Stacker 2 Connection, and they brawl throughout the restaurant and into the parking lot! The camera cuts back to the arena, leaving the teams still fighting. Ahmed Johnson stops for a chilidog. DUD.

(More creative tweaking leads to the above match. The owner of the Der Wienerschnitzal franchise is pissed, because he was told they wouldn’t destroy the restaurant. Yes, some people are that stupid. However, the Wienerschnitzal in Chief is thrilled with the publicity and rewards the franchise owner with a new restaurant, namely the Der Wienerschnitzal at the Guam airport. That’s some reward all right. Ahmed Johnson stops for a chilidog.)

Winners: The Fat Boys

Overall Rating: 44%

Crowd Reaction: 47%

Match Quality: 51%

 

Not Really that Impressive or Dangerous Ladder Match for the XPW Deathmatch Title

FlockNest Monster vs. GQ Money

GQ Money vs FlockNest Monster:

FlockNest Monster strikes GQ. Ladder assisted standing moonsault, GQ gets floored. Driven DDT by FlockNest Monster. The ring shook violently, instantly making it better at selling than some of the current roster. FlockNest Monster hits a rolling kick on GQ. GQ blocks the suplex attempt. Suplex onto the ladder by GQ Money. Weak bodyslam by GQ. FlockNest Monster reverses a hip toss. GQ takes a hurrancarana from FlockNest Monster. Springboard dropkick from FlockNest Monster. Nicely done. GQ Money powers out of a FlockNest Monster headlock. Nesty takes a back suplex. FlockNest Monster fights out of a grapple. FlockNest Monster hits a rolling kick on GQ. GQ climbs the ladder. American Wild Child comes running down the aisle and into the ring, and pushes the ladder over! GQ is sent flying, ending up going through the ropes to the outside! FlockNest Monster goes up ladder and grabs the prize for the win. Nesty and Wild Child tie GQ Money up in the ropes, then start punching away at him until referees run down and break it up. Bland match, but i'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

(Man, that was just like Shawn Michaels vs. Scott Hall……if they would have a ladder match today. When I bumped my risk rating up to 100%, I noticed that I could stage a Death Match. Just a plain old, regular death match, no state attached. I wonder what that would entail? Might have to try it, but I discovered here that neither GQ or FlockNest Monster will take a sick bump to end a match. What good is a deathmatch title if nobody wants to die for it? Kind of defeats the gimmick. Maybe I should just rename it the “My Pussy Hurts, Put me Over Anyway” Title.)

Winner: FlockNest Monster

Overall Rating: 54%

Crowd Reaction: 51%

Match Quality: 72%

 

Loser Leaves on Foot Singles Match

Charles Palumbo vs Mark Jindrak:

Mark Jindrak with a spinning neckbreaker on Palumbo. Jindrak hits a stump piledriver on Charles Palumbo. Cover for a two count. Mark Jindrak gets taken down out of nowhere. Palumbo hits a right hand. Charles Palumbo with a spinning neckbreaker on Jindrak. There's a two count on the pin. Spear! Jindrak is down and hurt. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Big backdrop on Jindrak, executed well. Mark Jindrak takes the advantage after a i-block-your-punch-you-don't-block-mine routine. Palumbo walks into a spike slam. Cover for a two count. Lifting DDT by Mark Jindrak, looked good. Pin, but Palumbo is out just before the three count. Driven DDT by Mark Jindrak. The ring shook violently, instantly making it better at selling than some of the current roster. Jindrak hits a massive spinning kick to the jaw. Palumbo counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face. Palumbo slams Mark Jindrak down. Massive lariat, apparently Palumbo has been watching The Best Of Stan Hansen again. Mark Jindrak charges, Palumbo moves, and the referee is conveniently placed to get knocked out. Mark Jindrak floors Palumbo, then signals for the Super Frankensteiner. Meanwhile, Charles Palumbo has something in his hands. Jindrak comes over...and gets nailed with a set of brass knuckles! The referee wakes up to see the pinfall: 1....2....3! It's over. The fight has started up again! Charles Palumbo attacks Jindrak, and they brawl all around ringside, then into the crowd! They eventually disappear backstage, still fighting. This one gets * rating and likes it.

(You would think these two could put on a better match. Then again, you would think that neither one would be stuck in the XPW. Post match, Jindrak pulls out his tennis shoes and laces them up while muttering, “stupid…friggin’…leavin’ on foot…I’ll break my foot off in his ass…stupid…need a bus pass…public transportation my left nut.”)

Winner: Charles Palumbo

Overall Rating: 54%

Crowd Reaction: 57%

Match Quality: 64%

 

Honetly, I don’t want this as the Main Event Either Singles Match for the XPW World Title

Terry Funk vs. Supreme:

Terry Funk hits a right hand on Supreme. Supreme hits a punch, but takes one right back. CLUBBERIN', CLUBBERIN', THEY BE CLUBBERIN' TONY! Sorry, flashback moment. Terry Funk strikes Supreme. Funker slams Supreme down. Big John Studd would be proud, no doubt. Supreme counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face. Supreme slams Terry Funk down. Big John Studd would be proud, no doubt. Powerslam from Supreme on Funker. Cover for a two count. Funker kicks Supreme in the gut to reverse the momentum. Funker hits a stump piledriver on Supreme, although it was quite weak in its execution. Ahmed Johnson stops for a chilidog. Hooks the leg for a two count. Terry Funk scores with a poor standing spinebuster. Pin, but Supreme is out just before the three count. Supreme avoids a Terry Funk avalanche. Weak headbutt on Funker by Supreme. Supreme misses a clothesline. Supreme gets squashed in the corner with a clothesline. Charles Palumbo comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Clothesline...but Funker ducks! Supreme gets hit! Terry Funk knocks Palumbo out of the ring. Terry Funk moves in for the kill. Here it comes - DDT. 1....2...3, it's finished. Supreme and Palumbo are putting the boots to Terry Funk! Mark Jindrak comes running down the aisle with a chair! He slides in, sending Supreme \ Palumbo running for cover. Mark Jindrak saved Funker from a major beating. I'll give it a *1\2 rating.

(Supreme and Terry Funk have a better match than Jindrak and Palumbo? I find that hard to believe, yet fitting. Funk thanks Jindrak for the save, but he ain’t giving him a ride anywhere. He’s not allowed to drive at night anymore. Damn. Palumbo hitting Supreme with a chair and costing him the World Title confuses him. However, he realizes that “Supreme is just pawn in cruel game of life.”)

Winner: Terry Funk

Overall Rating: 60%

Crowd Reaction: 72%

Match Quality: 57%

 

Show Rating: 52%

Attendance: 899 kids who want to know where the fuck the clowns are. (Just look at the Enterprise. *Joey Styles hits a rimshot*)

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Rapture is over...now it's eXXXiles time~!

[Guest Angel_Grace_Blue]

Frosty, have I got an idea for you?

 

No, I don't. Wait, I do. Although, since Palumbo is now Charles Palumbo, it might not work as I had planned. I was going to suggest you change Webb to Jack Webb, in honor of the creator of Dragnet!

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

Much like all the other lemmings, I downloaded EWR 3.0 today. And much like the other lemmings, I had some initial problems. The end result is that I couldn't tranfer files, so the XPW as you knew is dead. However, I have been able to recreate most of the characters you all seemed to like (FlockNest Monster, Honky Tonky Orton) and will be able to jettison things that wasn't working (everything else). So, stay tuned for the birth of a new federation. Hot Shit Wrestling!

[Guest RevEvil]

R.I.P.

[Guest Zack Malibu]

We will still have eXXXiles?

 

You should do a readers poll for certain hirings also.

[Guest Sandman9000]

I nominate this as best thread of the year.

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

Yes, Zack, the eXXXiles are in the new fed, just for you.

 

I would also take any suggestions on hirings. I deleted about half the feds, so the talent pool is a lot larger and being a Cult fed I can get to a lot more people. I also made sure to give myself oodles of cash in the bank. People can give suggestions of names, or I could post a list of the top free agents.

 

Thank you Sandman for the kind words. Winning thread of the year for just a fun little hobby would be very cool. Nominate away. And everybody be sure to check out my new fed, Hot Shit Wrestling, which I hope does this thread proud. Thanks to all the readers and hope to see you in the HSW.

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Hire Kappa Tappa Kegga-cheap workers with good stats who you could give a variety of gimmicks to:

 

-Have Sandman try to recapture coolness by starting a frat stable, ripping off the recent hit movie Old School

 

-Have them rival the Villanos, facing off in a match where if the Villanos win, KTK has to drink homemade tequila, but if the Villanos win, they do kegstands in the ring

 

Glad to see the eXXXiles are staying .

 

If you REALLY wanted to do a bad taste parody/ripoff, knock on the Sgt. Slaughter Iraqi traitor angle by having Sandman become Sandman Hussein.

 

The earlier mention of "Jack Webb" was hilarious. If you kept Palumbo as "Palumbo" you could create a team of Private Dicks. C'mon, it's money in the bank!

[Guest ShooterJay]

OH DEAR GOD NO!!!!!!!!!!

 

(weeps long into the night)

 

Hopefully the new fed recaptures the magic of this one.

[Guest the 1inch punch]

BUMP

 

Who's with me for getting this moved to Classic threads

[Guest Sandman9000]

Everyone.

[Guest the 1inch punch]

I thinks thats settled then

[Guest the 1inch punch]

I tried PM'ing Dr Tom but he hasn't replied, and I put in a request in site feed back, so, we'll see