Someone told me I look like David Schwimmer.

[Guest crandamaniac]

Hey Dave, Can I call you Dave? Anywho Dave, I heard a rumor that you have been deceased since 1998 and all the other Friends cast were staging an elaborate ruse with your body ala Weekend at Bernie's , any truth to this rumor?

[Guest David Schwimmer]

Have you read the short story on which that film is based, David?  I found it captivating.  King really betrayed his talent by not moving outside of the horror genre more often, in my opinion.

 

What's it like working with Courtney Cox?  And have you ever met David Arquette?  Don't you just want to beat the shit out of that fucker?

 

Thanks for asking, and no, I'm afraid I don't get to read much other than all these great movie scripts my agent sends to me (and the ones for Friends, natch ).

 

As for Courtney Cox, she's a wonderful person and talent, and so is her husband, Mr. Arquette. I have a picture somewhere of me wearing the WCW belt, which David brought to the set one day. Perhaps I can dig it up for you guys.

[Guest David Schwimmer]

Hey Dave, Can I call you Dave? Anywho Dave, I heard a rumor that you have been deceased since 1998 and all the other Friends cast were staging an elaborate ruse with your body ala Weekend at Bernie's , any truth to this rumor?

 

Please, call me David. All I can say is I wouldn't be posting here right now if I were dead. Thanks for showing concern for my welfare, though.

[Guest Kinetic]

David seems like a great guy. Good to see that fame hasn't gone to his head. So what was it like balling Jennifer Anniston?

[Guest IDrinkRatsMilk]

Hey David, I've heard that you were homosexual. Yay or nay?

[Guest David Schwimmer]

David seems like a great guy.  Good to see that fame hasn't gone to his head.  So what was it like balling Jennifer Anniston?

 

Well, I try.

 

As for Ms. Aniston, she is one of the most professional and personable talents I've ever had the pleasure to work with. Did you see her in The Good Girl? Extraordinary.

 

As for our relationship, she's a beautiful person (and not too bad a kisser ), but we are merely friends. I wish her and Brad nothing but the best.

[Guest David Schwimmer]

Hey David, I've heard that you were homosexual. Yay or nay?

 

I know this will come as a let down to my large homosexual fanbase, but I'm currently in a wonderfully fulfilling relationship with a lady and fine actress by the name of Mili Avatal. We met on the set of Kissing a Fool. Still, I love all my gay fans.

[Guest Kinetic]

Congratulations, Mr. Schwimmer. Mili is truly a beautiful woman and a talented actress. So, seriously, you're telling me that you've never wanted to just pound David Arquette's face into hamburger meat?

[Guest David Schwimmer]

Congratulations, Mr. Schwimmer.  Mili is truly a beautiful woman and a talented actress.  So, seriously, you're telling me that you've never wanted to just pound David Arquette's face into hamburger meat?

 

Absolutely not. Perhaps that manic and zany personality that David (the other David; imagine the confusion when he visits Courtney on the set!) often employs in film and on television interviews is misleading. He is actually a quiet and reserved man in real life. He's fond of literature and hot cocoa.

[Guest Banky]

Hey David, I've heard that you were homosexual. Yay or nay?

 

I know this will come as a let down to my large homosexual fanbase, but I'm currently in a wonderfully fulfilling relationship with a lady and fine actress by the name of Mili Avatal. We met on the set of Kissing a Fool. Still, I love all my gay fans.

You stole her from Jason Lee, asshole. Mili is supposed to be with Jason Lee forever, but you stole her from him. What kind of best friend are you?

[Guest The Amazing Rando]

Hello, Davey.....

 

I've just wanted to say that I'm almost as big a fan of yours as I am of anal herpes, and i hope one day I can get your autograph and sell it on Ebay to buy a old crusty condom.

 

I hope none of this takes an offense with you, as you see that I too helped found the Looking Glass Theatre Company...not the same as yours of course...mine takes place in an alley with hobos and tramps that sing and dance whilst I pelt them nickels...

 

I'm so cool...

 

Anywho...Have you ever had the urge to just go beat the crap out of David Arquette WHILE USING the fat naked guy from the across the street?

 

Thank you in advance...

 

The Amazing Rando

[Guest David Schwimmer]

You stole her from Jason Lee, asshole.  Mili is supposed to be with Jason Lee forever, but you stole her from him.  What kind of best friend are you?

 

I get this often. The overwhelming dramatic narrative of Kissing a Fool has caused many a person to be so swept up in its passion--thanks in no small part to director Doug Ellin and co-screenwriter James Frey's sweeping vision--that they forget it's just a movie. I did in fact fall for Mili during the film's shoot, but Jason Lee--a terrific talent in his own right--was happily married to Carmen Llywellyn. Sadly, their marriage ended in divorce in last year. Here's a picture of the couple in happier times, at the Toronto Film Festival in 2001:

 

[Guest Banky]

Yes, I shed a day on the day Mr. Lee divorced Carmen. But he has recovered, and engaged to be married again. I think all of us here at TSM should congradulate J.Lee on his engagement.

 

Hip hip HORRAY!

[Guest LooseCannon]

So, uh, ever had cum in your mouth?

[Guest David Schwimmer]

Hello, Davey.....

 

I've just wanted to say that I'm almost as big a fan of yours as I am of anal herpes, and i hope one day I can get your autograph and sell it on Ebay to buy a old crusty condom.

 

I hope none of this takes an offense with you, as you see that I too helped found the Looking Glass Theatre Company...not the same as yours of course...mine takes place in an alley with hobos and tramps that sing and dance whilst I pelt them nickels...

 

I'm so cool...

 

Anywho...Have you ever had the urge to just go beat the crap out of David Arquette WHILE USING the fat naked guy from the across the street?

 

Thank you in advance...

 

The Amazing Rando

 

Is that you, Matty?

 

That Matt LeBlanc is always pulling wild pranks like this. During downtime of shooting Friends episodes, Matty would regale us with stories of pranks he pulled on the set of all his previous television shows and films. Like the time he gave the hot foot to a napping Joseph Bologna on the set of Top of the Heap. Hilarious.

[Guest David Schwimmer]

So, uh, ever had cum in your mouth?

 

What a crude and boorish question! This interview is over.

[Guest Banky]

So, uh, ever had cum in your mouth?

 

What a crude and boorish question! This interview is over.

Still, the good folks at Entertainment Tonight want to know all about your private life. So...cum...do you like it? I know Matt Leblanc is a meat eater, it must make it all bitter.

[Guest LooseCannon]

Hey I'm not asking you anything that someone hasn't already asked of everyone else here. So don't be bashful, David. If you'd look to the folder below this one, you'd see that quite a few members of the TSM community have sampled it. We're not going to judge you. This place is full of cum-guzzlers.

[Guest Jack Tunney]

I've been told by many different people who have never met one another that I look like Matthew Perry.So I guess I must.

[Guest The Amazing Rando]

I never...ever...want to be compared with ANYONE from Friends again...

 

Grrr...

 

I hate you, David Schwimmer

[Guest Incandenza]

I'm proud of my work here. Expect me to bump this periodically.

[Guest LooseCannon]

yeah it was pretty good. Your exit was graceful as well. A nice touch.

[Guest Incandenza]

Thanks for asking the cum question. I was getting tired, and you provided a perfect set-up for my exit.

[Guest Kinetic]

Will there be more Q&A with David Schwimmer or will you simply bump it to say, "Hey, remember that time when I was funny?"

[Guest Incandenza]

If someone asks a question I feel like answering, I'll don the Schwimmer mask again, I suppose. I just had a very long day of school, so please, none now, kids.

[Guest RepoMan]

Is that Tom York or Thom Yorke? Because looking like Thom Yorke is really only all right if you happen to be Thom Yorke and are both talented and rich enough to make up for being incredibly hideous.

The guy from Radiohead. It seemed the girl who said was giving a compliment, but damned if I know.

[Guest Incandenza]

Thom Yorke probably wouldn't so awful a comparison were it not for that lazy eye.

[Guest TheZsaszHorsemen]

Yeah I know that...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

....but look who started it.

[Guest Incandenza]

::ruffles Zsasz's hair::

 

Nice try, but you failed. With practice, you might be as funny and admired as me.

 

NEXT!

[Guest evenflowDDT]

Inca was David Schwimmer? Awww... and I thought we had ourselves a celebrity!