Guest Spaceman Spiff Report post Posted February 19, 2003 <> By Blake Norton <> [email protected] After an epic, one-year struggle between sickness and health, life and death, Kanyon finally achieved his goal. He returned to action with World Wrestling Entertainment, the culmination of a journey fought with doubt and suffering. However, instead of using Kanyon’s real-life struggles as an opportunity to share his character and passion with their fans, the company chose to take a different route. They chose to make him an absolute joke, as he was donned in an outfit reminiscent of 80s pop star Boy George and sent out to sing off-key at The Undertaker, which naturally resulted in a swift and meaningless beat-down. The point, the tragedy, isn’t that Kanyon’s re-debut is disrespected. He himself knows exactly what he has accomplished. His peers know and he is aware that those of us who work in this business admire his courage. He has kept his job during a time when layoffs have been flying fast and furious, as the business clamors for direction, for substance, for legitimate draws that will lead the company back to prosperity. That’s the point. Kanyon could have been made a major draw. Not only is his untapped talent and charisma widely understood within this business, but the real-life tale of his trials and tribulations, coupled with his fresh, under-exposed face, made the opportunity for a major new push a no-brainer. So why was Kanyon brought back as a joke? Why was he used in a role that helped nobody? Why was his potential wasted? These questions have been asked time and time again in relation to dozens of different scenarios. The answer from the WWE, when they do answer such criticism, is always the same. “We are World Wrestling Entertainment. We respect our stars, but separate their lives off-screen from the characters they play on-screen.” Both of those arguments would be entirely correct. There is, quite honestly, nothing *wrong* with how the WWE is using Kanyon. And anyway, why *shouldn’t* they bring guys like Kanyon in as the punch line of a joke that nobody thought was funny in the first place? Lord knows that “bell boy” Brian Kendrick, “fat prude” Molly Holly, Shawn Stasiak, Saturn & Moppy, Tommy Dreamer's "I eat crap" gimmick, Christian's tantrum gimmick, Booker T.'s extended "dumb heel thug" gimmick (remember that one?), Rico the Gay Stylist, Steven Richards' "goofier than a pet coon" gimmick (that one lasted on and off for five years), Jamie Noble & Nidia’s trailer-trash routine, one-time hardcore superstar Crash’s apparent mental breakdown, and Billy & Chuck have drawn so much fucking money in comparable slapstick roles. Kanyon could have been introduced in a meaningful way. He could have drawn money. Here’s how they could have done it. Last week on Smackdown, maybe Kanyon *didn’t* show up as a Boy George impersonator. Instead, we saw a video; a tactic which sure worked well for Triple-H, Rey Mysterio and literally hundreds of wrestlers over the last twenty years of the business. The Video: Camera pan on Kanyon standing in the ring. Heavy zoom. The shot starts at his boots, slowly panning up to his calves. Imagery of his rehabilitation flicker onto the screen. A disturbing image of him in pain, ideally from hospital, performance shots will suffice if necessary. The speed of the film slows gradually (0.75x, to 0.5x, 0.4x). The pan reaches the man’s chest and neck. Fade to black. The screen engulfed in pitch black, enter the familiar beating of the WWE pre-main event pulse. “Thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump…” A blade swings across the screen. A silhouette jogs back and forth in an empty hall on the vertical axis, running towards and away from the camera, in black and white video, in slow motion (0.5x speed). The voiceovers of his friends, his family, WWE agents and co-workers begin to enter. “Chris was rehabbing from the knee injury when it happened. He dislocated his shoulder… Nobody knew how badly hurt he was going to get…” “… I remember, he started to keel over…” “By the time he was admitted to hospital, his blood oxygen level had dropped to 41%” “He couldn’t breathe, there was a six-inch wound, his flesh was ripped to shreds and…” “I really… didn’t think that anyone could…” “He wouldn’t give up…” “We… we weren’t… we didn’t know he was going to make it.” “He refused to give up…” The screen goes black. The riff screeches to a halt. The piercing squeal of an iron mallet smashing off an anvil rips the silence apart. His drooping head fills the screen, stringy hair precluding his face from view, as we return to the original pan, now having reached its final destination. The tape speeds forward (1.75x). Kanyon flicks his hair back and growls into the camera. “Forget about me?” “AARRRRRAGH!” Kanyon explodes as a barrage of vivid color images splash onto the screen in monitor video mode. Music kicks in full force as highlights of slams, suplexes, highspots, all flash before our eyes. 20 seconds in -> begin splicing in black and white shots from the empty hall. “This is my life… This is my passion… I will not give – I can not give.. up…” Return to the empty hall. Kanyon’s run slows to a jog; slows to a walk. His head turns curiously to the left; something or someone has drawn his attention. His body follows. As the crowd is heard swelling in the background, he looks to the concrete floor and takes one deep breath. His head shoots up. His eyes shoot arrows. He pulls back the curtain; and walks through. The screen fades to black; Kanyon on his hands and knees. “Nobody… nobody will take this from me.” “I am… because I choose to be…” “This has been my journey, my sacrifice…” “It’s time for my sacrifice to continue.” Quick fade. Kanyon Returns Quick fade to black. If there’s one thing the WWE does well, its video packages. They have a tremendous production team. No matter how goofy the storyline, no matter how nonsensical the plot twists, they consistently turn in a package that steals the fans’ attention, and reminds them just how serious, how passionate, how real this business really is. A presentation such as this puts everything every fan knows about a mis-used performer like Kanyon in perspective. It immediately and firmly cleans the slate, and sets him up as an immediate force. It sets him up as a fighter. It sets him up as someone people can believe in. For most, it reminds them why they are fans. This would have made people care. This was the first step to establishing a draw. This was the first step to establishing a true superstar. I could write any one of a dozen different powerful ways to bring him back in the next show; but that’s not going to help anyone now; last week, Kanyon was brought back as a Boy George impersonator. There goes that curiosity. This business runs through my veins. I know what makes it tick because it makes me tick. It is my partner, it is my retreat. It saddens me to see people involved who don’t appreciate it. Who don’t see it. Who don’t understand it. Who don't respect it. Yes, I know that when most of the boys in the front office read articles like this, they brush them off as “there’s always a mark who thinks he knows better.” I’ve been there, as many of them nervously quip back and forth, in one hand holding a “mis-informed mark’s booking sheet,” while in the other holding a copy of the company’s declining financial figures. That’s fine. Take the easy way out. You did it back when I wrote at WOW Magazine, you did it when I ran IGN, you do it every time every learned critic writes a truth you never thought of, or a truth that doesn’t suit your political agendas. But we both know what the deal is. We both know that our goals add up to the same. You want to make money. And sadly, in business, the best interests of the individual and the best interests of the company diverge. In today’s WWE, too many people are choosing the former path. The company is dying. Guys like me want to make compelling matches, characters and stories. That’s why I am a writer. That’s why I am a wrestler. On the occasions I’ve had relations with them, the staff of WWE and, indeed, the McMahon family, have been most cordial and friendly, and extremely professional. Nonetheless, I have no sympathy for WWE’s situation because time and time again the company has made bad choices. Time and time again the company has been so arrogant, as to ignore the fans, and go so far as to ignore fellow industry personnel who simply want the business, and therefore the company, to prosper. Time and time again they have taken the easy, quick answer, and that will not work in the long run. What I do have sympathy for is everyone in WWE who is legitimately trying to make this work. I have sympathy for the talent that was released these last few months, because there is no reason that business couldn’t be booming right now if some simple, but key changes were made in their writing teams and their attitude towards their customers. I have sympathy for Kanyon. Chris, I sincerely hope you get the opportunity to show what you truly have to offer this business. If you do, sadly, you will be one of a minority Check us out online athttp://www.tbr.blakenorton.com I realize making a video for Kanyon's return might not seem like the best use of money right now, but you can't tell me you wouldn't mark out seeing a video like that, plus it would do a hell of a lot more to get him over than "Taker...angry! Taker...SMASH!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest HartFan86 Report post Posted February 19, 2003 WWE wouldn't do this video idea because it's to good. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest godthedog Report post Posted February 19, 2003 they did a video for mysterio, & that was a great idea. of course...they also spent inordinate amounts of time trying to sign him, while kanyon was kind of a package deal with wcw. i guess that's the difference. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Spaceman Spiff Report post Posted February 19, 2003 O'Haire got *4* videos Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
EL DANDY~! 0 Report post Posted February 19, 2003 As did Nathan Jones... Wait a sec... O'Haire, 6'6" 265, 270 Jones, 6'10" 350 Kanyon, 6'3" 240 Hmmmmmmmmmm...could be seeing a pattern here>? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest CanadianChris Report post Posted February 19, 2003 That might actually get him over immediately, which wouldn't sit well with any of the top guys. That's why they would never do it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
B. Brian Brunzell 0 Report post Posted February 19, 2003 DANDY, you don't think the HOSS factor has anything to with Kanyon's lackluster return and no video package, do you? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
EL DANDY~! 0 Report post Posted February 19, 2003 I think that in order for Kanyon to have returned with all the stuff we wanted him to, he needs to go to Australia and become a devil's advocate, and then get thrown in jail and use supplements to get him pumped up 20 pounds overweight, and then come back and tear his quad 15 seconds into his return match. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Choken One Report post Posted February 19, 2003 With the Whole WCW home grown policy thing...It doesn't make sense? Why have they given SOH 4 videos and one of the more intriguing characters around? BTW...Kanyon is gloriously over rated... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
EL DANDY~! 0 Report post Posted February 19, 2003 The reason we all like him is because he's different. Why do you think people pop for RVD? Because he does these moves that look cool and exciting. Kanyon, when given the CHANCE to be somewhat of an innovator, can be just as good as many of the wrestlers we currently like. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest TheGame2705 Report post Posted February 19, 2003 Kanyon can play a better comedy act than he can a vicious heel. He also did some cool moves I had never seen before when I first saw him. Kanyon can at best be a good micarder but if he does comedy it shouldn't be a Boy George impersonation. I REALLY liked Positively Kanyon. Give him a gimmick as funny as that where he impersonates someone so well that it becomes hilarious and gets him over. Fans would eat it up if he imitated Booker T. I also think he would have been 100 times better in a Matt Hardy Verson 1 type role than Matt. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JasonX 0 Report post Posted February 19, 2003 O'Haire got *4* videos But O'Haire ALSO got sent down to the WWE version of Camp X-Ray where he was literally deprogrammed and reprogrammed from the ground up so that he would fit the WWE mold of what a wrestler should be (mainly limited to the shitty "WWE Main Event Style".... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest subliminal_animal Report post Posted February 19, 2003 As did Nathan Jones... Wait a sec... O'Haire, 6'6" 265, 270 Jones, 6'10" 350 Kanyon, 6'3" 240 Hmmmmmmmmmm...could be seeing a pattern here>? Oh, c'mon. Kanyon is not huge, but he's above average in size and I seriously doubt that was a factor. If it's his physique, that can always be improved upon and they would've told him to do just that, and we'd have probably heard about it, too. The WCW thing, if anyone mentioned it, is dubious, too, since O'Haire was also there. Maybe the look, maybe something else that tells them he isn't gonna ever amount to anything, but it's not your reason. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Samurai_Goat Report post Posted February 20, 2003 Quite frankly, I don't think any vet of a company should be forced to impersonate Boy George on National Television as a way of getting over with the audience. They could have gotten any freak to do the Boy George thing. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Choken One Report post Posted February 20, 2003 Quite frankly, I don't think any vet of a company should be forced to impersonate Boy George on National Television as a way of getting over with the audience. They could have gotten any freak to do the Boy George thing. hey if there is any good light...It might lead to Kanyon sticking with Heyman... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
