Guest BionicRedneck Report post Posted February 19, 2003 Pllleeeease! I need a laugh today, so c'mon gimme your best jokes! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest EQ Report post Posted February 20, 2003 *EQ points to the Joke Thread he started a few weeks ago* =D Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Youth N Asia Report post Posted February 20, 2003 Yeah, that's really just lazy not to check a little further down. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yuna_Firerose 0 Report post Posted February 20, 2003 *The first chapter of my fic, Raw Factor from last year. Yes, it was one of my first, soooo, pardon the suckiness* *Guy from Fear Factor walks up and looks to the audience with that 'I've been smellin' what the Rock is cookin' toooooo much' look. He has an odd habit of not....blinking...at.....all. He begins his boring...uh, *exciting* intro. Author forgets his name, so, Author just calls him Guy* GUY- These are very dangerous. They are also very hazardous to one's health and mental stability. They should be attempted at home. AUTHOR- Uh..... o_O GUY- *blinks for the first time in the last 10 minutes.* Oh. Yeah. They SHOULDN'T NOT be attempted at home. *shakes his head in confusion* Damn you, Triple H! *apologizes to the audience* I asked him to write out the cue cards, and well....you know him. He likes to spit water everywhere and be wet.....*smiles* And, that's NOT a bad thing.... (VOICE FROM BACKSTAGE) You steal my line and I'll "positively" kick your ass. And THAT is a good thing....for me anyway. GUY- Ummmm..... *clears throat nervously* These stunts are performed by.... AUTHOR YAWNS GUY- Hey, it's my job! Gimme a break! (BACKSTAGE: Chuck and Billy sing the kit-kat bar song with great enthusiasm. Everyone just slowly, cautiously, backs away from the "partners". They don't want to catch whatever weird mental disease Chuck and Billy have) AUTHOR- Not anymore, uh...., whatever-your-name is! *deletes him from the fic* o_O SHIT!! Now, my fic is without a host.... UNDERTAKER- Are you disrespecting me?!?!?!?!?! I'm the Dead Man Walking!! I want, no, I DESERVE to be the host, you stupid bitc----- AUTHOR- *readies the delete button* You wanna finish that sentance, Dead Man? UNDERTAKER- Uh..............no. AUTHOR- Thought so. Now then...... *Brings in one of her fave hotties: Beni Gabor from The Mummy. Beni smiles, thinking about how rich he's going to be. Turns around and slams right into Kane's chest. Beni glances up, sees Kane, and runs from the fic.* Damn it all to.... KANE- HELL!!! HELLFIRE!!!!! *does his intro...you know the one. Flames shoot up from all corners of the ring* TRIPLE H- *screams like a girl and runs to the ring, quickly throwing water on his head. Runs to one corner, and does the spit-up thing he likes to do. Extinguishes all the flames. Smiles proudly* AUTHOR- *smiles innocently as KANE walks to the back room. As soon as he is gone, I bring the flames back up....just to watch TRIPLE H be his usual moronic self again. Gets bored of that and sends him back to the locker room or whatever it's called* Okay, well, I guess I'm the host of this mostly plotless plot. Y2J- *comes to the ring, carrying the belts....as usual* I'M THE BEST!!! ME!!! I DEMAND TO BE THE HOST!!! MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME!!!!! *Suddenly, the nWo come out. Y2J looks at them, confused.* Y2J- *angry* YOU DARE INTERRUPT THE LIVING LEGEND'S SPEECH? *pauses. Pulls out a huge Dictionary and looks up all the words he just said, except for 'Living Legend'. He overloaded his mental capacity again.......* KEVIN NASH- We are......*confused. Looks at the script and turns to Hogan* Uh......why'd we come out? HULK HOGAN- *Looks at the script as well* I have no idea......Wait. *they both look at SCOTT HALL, who is fixing his ever-geled hair, making sure the bang is just right. HULK HOGAN looks back at KEVIN* Do you need to ask, brother? KEVIN NASH- Yeah, as a matter a fact I.....*looks at SCOTT HALL, then at the AUTHOR* Nope, never mind..... SCOTT HALL- What? The AUTHOR wanted us to come out. So, we did. It's not because she likes me or anything.....................*blows a kiss to the AUTHOR* AUTHOR- *catches the kiss and blows him one right back* KEVIN NASH, HULK HOGAN- Oh, good grief........*they roll their eyes and leave. After a moment, SCOTT HALL realizes they left and follows them out* AUTHOR- *blushes* Ahem. Anyway..........Uh...what were we doing again? Y2J- We were discussing on promoting me to HOST....... AUTHOR- No, Jericho. I have someting more important planned for you... Y2J- *After looking up the word 'important', he turns to the AUTHOR* Reeeeeeeaaaaaalllllly? AUTHOR- Really, really. You're in our first match. Y2J- WWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOHHHHHOOOOOO!! It's about time I got the respect I deserve! UNDERTAKER- *whispers to the AUTHOR* AUTHOR- Nope. You won't be fighting him. It's not that kind of a match.......*thinks*......Although, if you wanted to interrupt the next match, be my guest. But, if you interrupt, that means you have to participate... UNDERTAKER- *gets nervous and remains quiet* *CHRISTIAN'S intro plays as he makes his way to the ring. A PENCIL comes into the picture and deletes the belts from Y2J's shoulders* Y2J- Hey!! I'm the Living Legend! THE UNDISPUTED CHAMPION, you ass clown......!! *PENCIL hovers dangerously close to Y2J's mouth* AUTHOR- You want to repeat that, sucka? Y2J- *nervously* Um....no, not at all....... BOOKER T- *thinks about complaining about the use of his phrase. Thinks about GUY who got deleted so quickly and decides against it. Realizes he had 2 full, complete thoughts. Does the SPIN-A-ROONI in excitement. Y2J- Um...........This is nothing like Fear Factor....... AUTHOR- You'd rather eat bull's testicles and be covered in bugs instead of this match? That can be arranged...... Y2J- *quickly changing the subject* So, uh, what kind of match is this, anyhow? *CHRISTIAN steps into the ring and looks around, noting the abscence of a ref.* AUTHOR- Well, Mr. Legend, what do you think this match is? Y2J- *thinks about this* ..............five minutes later Y2J- AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! MY HEAD HURTS!!! I THOUGHT TOO MUCH!!!!!! AUTHOR, DDP, nWo, CHRISTIAN, UNDERTAKER, KANE, HHH, CHUCK & BILLY, anyone else I will add- o_O AUTHOR- Well, Genius, it's a.........TANTRUM MATCH!!!! Whoever throws the best tantrum, wins. *turns to UNDERTAKER* Will you be interrupting......? UNDERTAKER- *quickly shakes his head no* [[There's more chapters, but I think it best to leave before I get too weird. Although if you WANT to read the 2nd chapter.... I'll post it]] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LaParkaYourCar 0 Report post Posted February 20, 2003 ................what the hell was that??? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yuna_Firerose 0 Report post Posted February 20, 2003 Umm.... a bad attempt at a fic? *chuckles* Told you it was bad......but it got good reviews on the site, so I figured I'd post it. And the second chapter...... CHRISTIAN- *lounges on the ropes like he did at Royal Rumble........until he hears about what kind of match this is. He falls off the rope.....gracefully, though. Stands up, looking at the author. CHRISTIAN- WHAT?!? I don't throw tantrums! I DON'T,I DON'T,I DON'T,I DON'T,I DON'T,!!!! *DDP comes out, holding CHRISTIAN by the shoulders. DDP- Breathe, Christian, Breathe....... Y2J- *bored, watching a movie on the big screen where the intros are SUPPOSED to be played* RUN, FORREST, RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL- o_O Y2J- Uh........... *His motto: when all else fails, stick to what you know best......after he looks these words up in the dictionary, of course* I'M THE LIVING LEGEND!!!!! AUTHOR- *ignoring Y2J's statement....as usual* That's right! A Tantrum Match! Kinda like a street fight...no countouts, tapouts, or disqualifications. DDP- *whispering to CHRISTIAN; CHRISTIAN nods, smiling. DDP hands CHRISTIAN a box, and points to Y2J. CHRISTIAN walks to Y2J. AUTHOR, *of course, has turned off Forrest Gump. Hears a request from someone in the back-room. Turns the requested movie on......* CHUCK AND BILLY- *holding tissues to their eyes* NO, LASSIE, DON'T GOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! *they hold each other, tears flowing freely. STONE COLD throws beer on the two.....They take no notice of it.* CHRISTIAN- *taps Y2J on the shoulder* Y2J- YOU DARE TAP THE LIVING LEGE--*CHRISTIAN hands him the box, opening it* HEY!!!! A LAPTOP!!!! AWESOME!!! *CHRISTIAN whispers something to Y2J* Forfeit....For the laptop?? *a BRIGHT IDEA pops in his mind..............it quickly diminishes* OKAY!!!!!!! AUTHOR- Uh.............that's not the kind of match I meant..........Now, the audience that is still with me, and HAVEN'T left the story, they want to see both of you throw a tantrum.....they want to see a match! Y2J- *runs to THE ROCK, holding his laptop behind his back* HEY!!!! Guess what I got!!!!!!!!!! ROCK- A brain, Jabroni? Y2J- NO!! *pauses. There's an insult in there somewhere, he was sure of it. ---- Oh well!* AN AWESOME LAPTOP!! AIN'T IT JUST, LIKE, SO COOOOOL ??? ROCK- No. *shrugs and walks away* KANE- Need help, you. Y2J- Huh? KANE- *rolls his eyes* You need help. Y2J- Whatever. AUTHOR- *wonders where this fic is going......* Ummmmmmmmm......okay. I can deal like.. KURT ANGLE- Like a crispin' clean, washin' machine! *proudly smiles to himself. He was getting the hang of this slang stuff* AUTHOR- Uh......no. Anyway, next match. *pauses* WHAT IS THE NEXT MATCH?!?!?! KURT ANGLE- ME FOR THE UNDISPUTED CHAM----- SCOTT HALL- *Comes up and beats KURT ANGLE down* AUTHOR- Thanks, hun. SCOTT HALL- No prob. AUTHOR- Okay, seriously now. I need to quit typing aimlessly. WHO--- STONE COLD- WHAT?! JIM ROSS- 's Going To Wrestlemania!?!? AUTHOR- GET YOUR ASS OUTTA THE STORY!! JIM ROSS- k. *leaves* AUTHOR- OKAY!!! WHO--don't you interrupt, Stone Cold--EVER OFFERS A MATCH NEXT, WILL HAVE IT! BILLY- 'Have it'? OHHhhhhhh! I get it!! *CHUCK giggles like a lil school girl and the two high-five each other's hand.....then each other's ass.......* CHRISTIAN- Uh, hello!! I JUST WON! ME!!!!!!! DON'T IGNORE ME, DAMMIT! DDP- Calm, CHRISTIAN, calm! Breathe....inhale....... GOLDUST- *does the inhaley thing* That's my line. I'm the only one that inhales around here! TRIPLE H- *takes a quick inhale and then hides a dope joint* DDP- Aren't you supposed to start with a quote, G.D. ? GOLDUST- Yes, true. But my library of quotes is limited by the AUTHOR's weak intelligence. KURT ANGLE- Oh, it's true! It's DAMN true! SCOTT HALL and the nWo- *beat the crap out of KURT....again* AUTHOR- Thanks again, hun! *kisses him passionately* SCOTT HALL- *kisses back* *HULK HOGAN & KEVIN NASH roll their eyes. CHUCK & BILLY wonder if they have kissed like that before. The rest..........just ignore the two* GOLDUST- *Anyway*, I challenge you, Pika....Uh, I mean....DDP!!! DDP- You're on!! *thinks about this a moment* What kind of match? *CHRISTIAN leaves.....stealing DDP's European title belt when he does* GOLDUST- An inahling match, of course! DDP- o_O Uh........................ooooooooookay. *Wonders EXACTLY what GOLDUST has been inhaling....* TRIPLE H- *takes a quick whiff of his joint again. Sees his boyfriend, KANE, giving him a weird look* I didn't get it from Goldust, honest! *holds up the Golden joint with the name, GOLDUST, clearly written on it* Uh...........damn it. GOLDUST- *tries to think of a quote* Flesh is a trap.....and magic sets us free! INFORMATION DUDE- Actual quote from a great movie called, Lord of Illusions. CHUCK AND BILLY- Why'd Lassie have to go? *both sob uncontrollably. Booker T steals into the controls and rewinds that part over and over. He counts out the many $10 bills he received to do it* DDP- My friend, that has nothing to do with this match. Think...Positive. *sits on the mat, cross-legged* Meditate with me...........Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm *meditates* GOLDUST- STOP!!!!!! Too much Positivity!!!!!! Need....weirdness!!! *Searches desperately for weirdness. CHUCK AND BILLY don't count....everyone knows their gay.* I'M MELTING! MELLLLLLTIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!! *all his make-up melts off to reveal a skinny nerd with braces and buck-teeth. He quickly runs out of the fic* JERRY "KING" LAWLER- Well, we've seen The Power of the Punch from Regal, and now we see the Power of Positivity by DDP! AUTHOR- *thinks a moment.......hmmmm* KING, KING- I remember the last time a woman said that. No, wait. She was "screaming" it.... AUTHOR- That's nice. Anyway, I think Stacy Keibler is lonely..... KING- And she screamed and.....WHAT???? STONE COLD- Don't make kick your ass, WHAT??? CAUSE I SAID SO!! Y2J- That doesn't even make sense, SC..... KING- YOU SAID STACY WAS WHAT????? LONELY!!!!!...BYE!! *goes to the back room* DDP- *watches KING run* Wow, he can sure run fast. Must be for something very positive...... SCOTT HALL- Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. *rolls his sexy brown eyes* KEVIN NASH- Are they brown? INFORMATIVE DUDE- They are now. AUTHOR can't see his eyes too well on her pics....... HULK HOGAN- I'M the leader of the nWo.....so how come SCOTT gets so much on here? KEVIN NASH- Because he's young and sexy *pauses* according to the AUTHOR, I mean. And you're old and not so sexy.........according to the AUTHOR, of course. HULK HOGAN- *gives him a weeeeeeeiiiiird look* I'M STILL HOT! *stretches into what he perceives to be a sexy pose* AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I BROKE MY HIP!!!!!! KEVIN NASH- Like I---uh, I mean, the *AUHTOR*----said, you're not so young and sexy anymore. EDGE- *walking around, passing out free bottles of his Shampoo* SCOTT HALL- Loser. *adjusts his perfect hair* He can't even compete with my hair. INFORMATIVE DUDE- *wonders why he isn't getting paid for this....* A match between Edge and Scott Hall was an idea from one of the reviewers..... Y2J- Ass Clown, I'll give you $50 to leave this fic for good. INFORMATIVE DUDE- Let me see the money..... Y2J- *hands him the money* Now, leave....... INFORMATIVE DUDE- Why would I want to? I've made $1,000 from a lot of wrestlers to leave. They all fall for the same trick....... Y2J- What trick? INFORMATIVE DUDE- My point exactly......... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest IDrinkRatsMilk Report post Posted February 20, 2003 Oh Yuna, you'll fry for this. I can't protect you anymore. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LaParkaYourCar 0 Report post Posted February 20, 2003 Ummmm.........I can't make heads or tails out of any of that gibberish.........what's the point? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yuna_Firerose 0 Report post Posted February 20, 2003 I first started writing to *somehow* resemble Fear Factor. 'Course, when I start writing like that, it just goes into a bunch of gibberish as jokes come to my mind. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Spaceman Spiff Report post Posted February 20, 2003 "Guy from Fear Factor" = Joe Rogan (previously on NEWSRADIO~!) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Dames 0 Report post Posted February 20, 2003 "Guy from Fear Factor" = Joe Rogan (previously on NEWSRADIO~!) Who is a surprisingly good MMA commentator. Dames Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Spaceman Spiff Report post Posted February 20, 2003 He's a master of Joe-jitsu (NewsRadio joke) But, yeah, he's supposedly big into the MMA/UFC stuff. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
