Best Sketch in SNL history

[Guest Lord of The Curry]

My vote goes to the Canteen Boy sketch with Alec Baldwin.

[Guest bob_barron]

My favourite Da Bears skit is Quizmasters.

 

True or False- Ditka's mood can affect the weather.

[Guest notJames]

Damn, I forgot about Da Bears. "Heart at-teck!"

[cawthon777 0]

I've always loved the skit with Mike Myers and Nicole Kidman (1993) where they're little kids. Myers is a hyperactive kid tied to a jungle gym by a harness.

 

Myers: You're pretty.

 

Kidman: I know. People tell me that all the time. "Oh, you're so pretty."

 

Myers: You're concieted. ...People aren't going to support you as much when you get older, you know.

 

Then she gives him a chocolate bar and he gets so wired that he starts running down the street, dragging the jungle gym behind.

[Guest bob_barron]

That would be Phillip the Hyper Hypo.

 

They also did one in the Alec Baldwin/Kim Basinger episode

[Guest Mad Dog]

John Travolta as Dracula and getting raped by Igor who learned how to turn into a bat.

[Guest GeneMean]

cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger for the old school

 

 

Turd Ferguson or Friendship Junction for more recent times.

[Guest DerangedHermit]

- Continental, Census sketch and Blue Oyster Cult from Chris Walken/Christina Aguilera

- Star Wars commercials from Kevin Spacey/Beck

- Dunkin Donuts sketch from Jon Lovitz/Beck

- Referee Pittman Show from John Goodman/k.d. lang

- Greenhilly from Alec Baldwin/B-52s

- any Irwin Mainway or Emily Litella stuff

 

More later....

[Guest hardyz1]

You got any gum? Hee hee!

 

Star Wars auditions. Spacey is great as Lemmon and Matthau.

 

David Spade's Hollywood Minute (or was it Spade in America?) with Terri Hatcher. "There is no way you, Terri Hatcher, would find me, David Spade attractive." "Besides, I'm into guys."

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

I was reminded of another one of my favorite all time one liners.

 

"Give me a sandwich and a douchebag and I can take on the world."

 

I was also checking out the Mainway sketches on that transcript site Bob put up. There appears to be three. The Christmas toys, Halloween costumes and a Kiddie Fun World amusement park.

[EL DANDY~! 0]

Anyone remember Velvet Jones' "How To" series? FUCK...YEAH. Oh, and Buckwheat sings the hits and Buckwheat is dead fuckin ruled the old school.

[Guest starvenger]

Anyone remember Velvet Jones' "How To" series? FUCK...YEAH. Oh, and Buckwheat sings the hits and Buckwheat is dead fuckin ruled the old school.

It's much easier to remember Eddie Murphy as the guy who was Buh'wheat and Mr. Robinson than as the guy who was in Pluto Nash...

[Guest Eagan469]

Quentin Tarantino's Welcome Back Kotter

 

[ Barbarino starts dancing to Stealer's Wheel's "Stuck in the Middle With You" ]

 

Barbarino: You can scream all you want, Mr. Woodman.. but you're gonna die! I swear! [ singing ] I said, "Bar-bar-bar, bar-barbarino.." Hit it, Horshak.

 

Horshak: Mr. Wood-man. You don't look so good! [ does his laugh ]

 

Mr. Kotter: [ lights match ] Sorry, Woodman. School's out.

 

Epstein: Goodbye, there, Mr. Woodman. If there's a bigger, more disgusting person on this planet, I'd like to see it.

 

[ suddenly, Lenny and Squiggy from "Laverne & Shirley" enter the classroom, brandishing weapons of their own ]

 

Squiggy: Hello!

[Guest razazteca]

Bill Murry as a lounge singer with Paul Schaffer at the piano.

 

Bill: "Star Wars oh Star Wars"

[cawthon777 0]

Anyone remember Velvet Jones' "How To" series? FUCK...YEAH. Oh, and Buckwheat sings the hits and Buckwheat is dead fuckin ruled the old school.

"Unce ... tice ... pwee tymes a madah..."

 

"I be ukin pa nub in all da wong paces..."

 

"???????????????" (which, after years of research I've determined was 'Betty Davis Eyes')

[Guest bravesfan]

To MD and Bob Barron:

How much of the "Best of Chris Farley" DVD is directly taken from that SNL special two years ago?

 

 

Several of my new-school favorite sketches include:

--Celebrity Jeopardies (none in particular)

--the cold opening Presidential "lockbox" debate

--the Weekend Update (featuring Neil Diamond & "gay speedskating Hitler").

 

The Presidential Debate

 

Jim Lehrer.....Chris Parnell

Al Gore.....Darrell Hammond

George W. Bush.....Will Ferrell

 

 

 

 

Announcer: Live, from the Clark Athletic Center at the University of Massachusetts, the first Presidential Debate. Here is moderator, Jim Lehrer.

 

Jim Lehrer: Good evening. I'm Jim Lehrer. Welcome to this, the first of three debates between Texas Governor George W. Bush and Vice-President Al Gore. Now, let's meet the candidates. [ Gore and Bush step out, shake hands, then stand behind their respective podiums ] Before we begin, I have been asked by the Bush campaign to announce that, for the next three hours only, viewers in the states of Michigan, Missouri and Pennsylvania have the option of free Pay-Per-View, courtesy of the Republican National Committee. On Channel 62, "The Perfect Storm", with George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg, the film Mike Clark of USA Today called "The perfect movie". On Channel 63, the grandeur beauty and savagery of ancient Rome came to life in "Gladiator" with Russell Crowe. [ Al Gore sighs ] "Gladiator. A hero will rise." Care for something just a bit naughty? On Channel 64, ten Penthouse Pets join forces with ten Playboy Playmates to find the perfect Hustler centerfold, in "Miss Killer Body 2000". Contains nudity. [ George W. Bush nods his approval ] With that out of the way, let's begin the debate. Mr. Vice-President, during this campaign, you have frequently called the Bush tax plan a "risky scheme". Why?

 

Al Gore: [ speaking slowly and in broken syllables ] Well, Jim.. Governor Bush and I have two ve-ry diff-er-ent plans to of-fer tax re-lief to American families. In his plan, the wealthiest 1% of Americans would receive nearly fif-ty per-cent of the ben-e-fits. My plan, Jim, is diff-er-ent. Rather than squand-er the su-plus on a risky tax cut for the wealth-y, I would put it in what I call a.. "lock-box."

 

Jim Lehrer: Governor Bush, your response?

 

George W. Bush: I don't know what that was all about.. but I'll tell you this: "Don't Mess With Texas!"

 

Al Gore: I didn't mess with Texas!

 

Jim Lehrer:Governor Bush, I listened very carefully to the Vice-President's remarks, and I honestly do not believe he messed with Texas. Now, Governor Bush..

 

Al Gore: [ interrupting ] Jim. May I ust say that in my plan, the "lock-box" would be used only for Social Security and Medicare. It would have two different locks. Now, one of the keys to the "lockbox" would be kept by the President; the other key would be sealed in a small, metal container and placed under the bumper of the Senate Majority Leader's car.

 

Jim Lehrer: Governor Bush, the next question is for you. Two weeks ago, at a meeting of the Economic Club in Detroit, you said the following: "More seldom than not, the movies gives us exquisite sex and wholesome violence, that underscores our values. Every two child did. I will." What did you mean by that?

 

George W. Bush: [ clears throat ] Pass.

 

Jim Lehrer: Perhaps if you could see it on a monitor?

 

[ the exact phrase appears on the monitor for Bush to read ]

 

George W. Bush: [ reads monitor ] Pass.

 

Jim Lehrer: Really? No idea what that could mean?

 

George W. Bush: Could be.. education?

 

Al Gore: Jim? I believe what my opponent in-tend-ed to say, was that all too often the ex-plic-it sex and whole-sale violence in films undermines our values.

 

George W. Bush: [ snaps finger ] Bingo! That was it! That was it!

 

Al Gore: I happen to agree with Governor Bush on that, and I commend him for it. But let me add something in my plan. The "lock-box" would also be camoflauged. Now, to all outward appearances, it would be a Leatherbound edition of Count of Monte Cristo, by Alexandre Dumas. But it wouldn't be. It would be the "lock-box".

 

Jim Lehrer: Governor Bush, this question is for you, and it concerns foreign policy. Last week, in Serbian elections we saw the apparent defeat of President Slobodan Milosevic by challenger Vojislav Kostunica. Yet, Milosevic refused to step aside. As President, would you apply pressure on Milosevic, and openly aid Kostunica and his Novia Serbskaya party? Or, by working with neighbors, such as Karadon Ragonovic of Croatia, Istivan Kajnoinsy of Hungary, or Anton Paslagaros of Greece?

 

George W. Bush: [ clears throat ] Well.. first of all, I think that any instability in that first country that you mentioned, is troubling.. and clearly the second guy who you spoke of, he beat the first guy. Now, personally, I favor seeking the diplomatic help of the person I'm gonna call "Guy #3". But I'm not going to pronounce any of their names tonight, because I don't believe that's in our national interest.

 

Jim Lehrer: Vice-President Gore?

 

Al Gore: Jim, let me here tonight issue a warning to the enemies, or potential enemeies, of the United States: you may think you know the location of the "lock-box". Maybe you do. Or maybe that's a decoy. Or a dummy "lock-box". Only the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, myself and Tipper are gonna know for sure.

 

Jim Lehrer: Which beings us to our final question. Governor Bush, both you and the Vice-President have offered plans to provide prescription drugs for the elderly. What makes your plan superior?

 

Al Gore: Jim, I'd like to interrupt here and answer that question as if it were my turn to speak. Jim, let me tell about a friend of mine. [ holds up a picture of an elderly woman ] Her name is Etta Munsen. She's 94, she's a widow living on Social Security in Sparta, Tennessee. Etta was born with only one kidney. She also suffers from poilo, spinal menengitis, lung, liver, and pancreatic cancer, an enlarged heart, diabetes, and a rare form of styctic acne. Now, several recent strokes, along with an unfortunate shark attack, have left her paralyzed and missing her right leg under the knee. Just last week she woke from a coma to find that, due to a hospital mix-up, her left arm had been amputated, infected with syphillis, and then reattached.

 

Jim Lehrer: Mr. Vice-President, we are short of time..

 

Al Gore: As you can imagine, Jim.. Etta's prescription drug bills are staggering. They run to nearly $113 million a day! And she tells me that some weeks she has to choose between eating and treating her Lyme Disease. Now, under my plan, Etta's prescription drugs would be covered. Under my opponent's plan, her house would be burned to the ground. And that is wrong. That is just wrong!

 

Jim Lehrer: Governor Bush? Response?

 

George W. Bush: I believe that some of those figures may be in-ock-urate.

 

Al Gore: Jim, what you just heard from my opponent is an attack on my integrity and my character. And I will not reply in kind. Instead, I will take those remarks and tuck them away, away in a tiny "lock-box", where all bad thoughts go.

 

Jim Lehrer: Well, that brings us to the close of tonight's debate. Each candidate will now give a brief closing statement.

 

Al Gore: Jim, may I make two closing statements?

 

Jim Lehrer: I'm afraid not. In fact, we are almost out of time, so I will instead ask each candidate to sum up, in a single word, the best argument for his candidacy. Governor Bush?

 

George W. Bush: Strategery.

 

Jim Lehrer: [ stunned ] Vice-President Gore.

 

Al Gore: "Lock-box".

 

Jim Lehrer: This concludes the first debate. Thank you, and "Live, from New York, it's Saturday Night!"

[Guest Dmann2000]

Norm as Dave Letterman from the Kevin Spacey episode.

Eh-heh, uh Hey Phil. Uh, You got any gum. Aha-haha-haha!

 

I remmember falling over laughing because of how much this was like actual Letterman.

 

 

I'll mention a great one from the 80's. Phil Hartman is playing Ronald Regan as his usual kind, gentle, absent minded self and as soon as the coast is clear calls in his cabinet and starts barking orders around and revealing himself to be a genius. I love that one

 

"Back to work!"

[Guest Eagan469]

I'll mention a great one from the 80's. Phil Hartman is playing Ronald Regan as his usual kind, gentle, absent minded self and as soon as the coast is clear calls in his cabinet and starts barking orders around and revealing himself to be a genius. I love that one

 

"Back to work!"

"Mr. President, Johnny who sold the most cookies for his scout troop is here to see you...

 

Well, hey there little fella, God bless America

 

NOW BACK TO WORK!"

 

[Guest Karnage]

The Schmidts Gay commercial.

[Guest Dmann2000]

May I also add I always loved the commercial on the Patrick Stewart episode for "Philadelphia" action figures

 

"I may have AIDS, but you can't fire me, BOOM!"

[cawthon777 0]

May I also add I always loved the commercial on the Patrick Stewart episode for "Philadelphia" action figures

 

"I may have AIDS, but you can't fire me, BOOM!"

That was classic! I loved at the end they ripped off the 'Sega' commercial trademark by having the little kid say 'Philadelphia!' really fast.

 

I was a big fan of the action cats commercial too (the cats with loads of firepower attached to their back, glow in the dark, etc).

[TheOriginalOrangeGoblin 0]

Top 5

 

1. I don't know the name but the one where Eddie Murphy dressed up as a white guy and he saw what "really" happens when there are no black guys around.

 

2. Chippendales with Swayze & Farley

 

3. Matt Foley - Motivational Speaker with Spade, Hartman & Farley

 

4. The Joe Pesci Show where the real Peci & De Niro show up. Me and barron we're talking about in another post.

 

5. The toy skit with Aykroyd.

[Guest Dmann2000]

May I also add I always loved the commercial on the Patrick Stewart episode for "Philadelphia" action figures

 

"I may have AIDS, but you can't fire me, BOOM!"

That was classic! I loved at the end they ripped off the 'Sega' commercial trademark by having the little kid say 'Philadelphia!' really fast.

 

I was a big fan of the action cats commercial too (the cats with loads of firepower attached to their back, glow in the dark, etc).

Oh yes, Action Cats ruled the way Heel Rock rules. I swear I seriously wished they made those things for real, cats would suffer but I'd have had fun.

 

"Buy today and get a free Mini-mite!"

[Guest Jack Tunney]

Any of the Bill Brasky skits (how many are there?)

 

And the one where Garth Brooks is in Loews theater and the previews never end.

[Guest Vern Gagne]

The 60 minutes sketch with Short, Schear, and Guest is great.

 

Norm has Larry King is a riot.

[Guest bob_barron]

Any of the Bill Brasky skits (how many are there?)

 

And the one where Garth Brooks is in Loews theater and the previews never end.

I believe there were about three or four.

 

Norm was good at ANYTHING

[Guest teke184]

Best sketches ever:

 

Star Wars 25th Anniversary screen tests ("Matthau gets Obi-Wan and I get to play a fuckin' space ape?!?")

 

Jingleheimer Junction

 

Bush-Dukakis debate

 

Bush-Clinton-Perot debate

 

Bob Dole on The Real World

 

Bill Clinton at McDonalds ("This McChicken? Aid from Italy send to Somalia *stuffs it in his mouth* Intercepted by warlords!" "Son, there will be a LOT of things we don't tell Mrs. Clinton about and, believe me, fast food will be the least of it.")

 

Real Stories of the Arkansas Highway Patrol / COPS in Little Rock

 

The Sinatra Group

 

Russell Simmons' Def Magic Show Jam

 

Opie's Back (Opie returns to Mayberry to see it's become seedy like Las Vegas. Aunt Bea's a madam, Floyd the barber is black and sells sex toys at the barber shop, Gomer's a leatherboy, etc.)

 

One of the most forgotten bits ever: Tim Kazurinsky on Weekend Update describing the different kinds of orgasms from Bobby Orr-gasms for hockey fans to Four On The Floor-gasms to I-got-mine-now-you-get-your-gasms

 

 

 

I could go on and on for hours.

[Guest bob_barron]

All great choices teke

[Guest Stunt Granny]

What about the one with Jerry Sienfeld as the host of Comedian Game show? They were all doing Seinfeld impressions, funny stuff.

 

Schnider: I'll take Chicken McNuggets for $500.

 

Seinfeld: Ok. Chicken McNuggets.....what are these things?

 

Sandler: Who are the ad wizards that came up with that one?

 

Seinfeld: No. I'm sorry

 

(Schnider buzzes in)

 

Seinfeld: Yes?

 

Schnider: If they are McMade out of what I McThink they are I don't wanna McEat 'em!

[Guest teke184]

"Who are the ad wizards who came up with THAT one?"