Promo

[Guest Deja Vu Kris]

“Dude!! You SO have to look at this.”

 

Kris comes bursting into the kitchen of the New York Penthouse suite, which they rented for the 2 nights they’d be spending in town before heading home to Las Vegas. Kris comes barreling into the kitchen so fast, he slides right into the ajar refrigerator door as his socks just can’t generate enough friction to stop him.

 

“Damn bra…watch where you’re going,” exclaims Kross, highly annoyed at his twin brother’s carelessness with the fridge door.

 

“No, seriously…check this out,” Kris retorts, with a hint of excitement and urgency in his voice. Kris shoves a single sheet of paper into his brother’s face as he reopens the fridge.

 

“Dude! Is this what I think it is,” Kross inquires as he stands up to get a good look.

 

“Hell yeah it is…we are SO in,” Kris exclaims, literally ready to jump out of his socks. Kross studies the document for a moment before wondering, “Who in the hell are Janus and Fugue?”

 

“Like I know…but we are SOOO gonna kick their asses,” Kris responds with confidence.

 

“Yeah we are!”

 

Kris and Kross celebrate with high-fives and a chest bump, seemingly over-excited about their date with destiny. Kross goes back into the fridge and continues his search, while his brother returns his eyes to the paper.

 

“Good ol’ Kingsly…I knew he’d get us in,” Kris continues, unaware that his twin is no longer listening due to his intense search through the fridge, that somehow is fully stocked despite the boys only arriving in New York yesterday afternoon. “This is so gonna rock!”

 

“Beer?”

 

“Huh,” asks Kris, not taking his eyes off the paper.

 

“Do you want a beer,” repeats Kross, not believing he has to ask this question twice.

 

“Oh…of course,” replies Kris, eagerly. “Like you EVEN have to ask.”

 

“This is all we got left dude,” Kris declares as he brings four Coors Lights from the fridge, tossing two to Kris.

 

“We’ll get some more later…no…we’ll get a keg tonight! We gotta party dude!”

 

“Hell YEAH we do!”

 

“Ooooo! You know what we should do?” Kris asks. “We should practice some moves bra. Then everyone will be like…damn, those guys are SO the best wrestlers ever, and we’ll be like ‘Yeah we are’…and they’ll be like, ‘yeah you are’…and we’ll be like, ‘we know…we are’…and they’ll be like…

 

“Dude,” interrupts Kris. “They’re SO gonna say that anyway, but let’s do some anyway. You know…so we can beat them in like 3 minutes instead of 5.”

 

“Dude…we are SO gonna beat them in 3 minutes,” Kris exclaims emphatically.

 

Both brothers take a couple swigs of their first beers, and head off into the common area of their penthouse. An empty keg and many a half-full cups litter the area, along with several couches and a very antique looking coffee table.

 

“Ok, so…uhhhh…where are those books Kingsly gave us,” asks Kris as he scans the immediate area.

 

“Hmmmm…I dunno,” responds Kross, and both brothers scour the common room for the books. After several minutes of intense searching, Kross jumps up from underneath one of the couches.

 

“Bingo! Got ‘em,” he yells.

 

“What is that brown stuff on them,” asks Kris with a disgusted look on his face.

 

“I don’t know but look,” Kross responds as he starts to flip the pages of An Idiot’s Guide to Professional Wrestling. “Let’s start with this section on punching. Let me see your…”

 

WHACK!

 

Kross is floored by a hard right hook from his brother!

 

“Dammit dude! Open hand!! It says you have to use an open hand,” Kross mutters as he picks himself off the floor.

 

“Oh, sorry,” is all Kris can say to his brother.

 

“It’s like this…”

 

SLAP!!

 

Kris is knocked backwards by a hard open-hand slap to the face.

 

“Ugh,” is Kris’s response be being bitch-slapped. “Alright, alright…I think I got that. Keep going.”

 

Kross continues to flip through the pages of the book, looking less and less encouraged as the pages pass.

 

“Dude, this stuff is so boring,” Kross unenthusiastically says, tossing the book onto the couch. “What other books we got?”

 

Kris grabs another book from the coffee table, where Kross placed them upon finding them.

 

“Here, try this one,” Kris says as he hands another book to Kross.

 

“The Official SWF Move List: Past and Present,” Kross reads with a new sense of excitement. “Dude! This has like everybody’s finisher from the SWF. I wonder if Fugue and Janus know we have this?”

 

“Bra…that rocks! Kingsly’s looking out for us. We’re so gonna destroy those guys.”

 

“We can like, bust out with some old school finisher, and those guys won’t even know what hit them,” Kross agrees. “Check this out…there’s this move called the Walk Off. First you put the guy’s head between your legs…”

 

“What? Eww…I don’t get down like that bra.”

 

“No, that’s not…shut up. First you put their head between your legs, and then you grab their arms and…Ohhhh!! God…that’s tight!”

 

“Lemme see,” Kris demands as he snatches the book from Kross. “Ooooo! Damn bra…that’s crucial. Wanna try?”

 

“I don’t know man…ummmm…,” Kross ponders.

 

“Oh come on dude…don’t be a wuss,” Kris persuades.

 

“But what about…”

 

“DUDE…just lemme try. I won’t even do it hard…just come on.”

 

“Ok, ok,” Kross gives in.

 

Kross bends down to put his head between Kris’s legs, while his brother holds the book out in front to read while performing the move. Kris looks down to find his brother ready for the move…

 

“Dude,” Kris says disgustedly. “What are you doing? Get away from…”

 

“Shut up…this is how you start the move stupid,” replies Kross.

 

“Oh. Ok…so…first I grab you like this.”

 

Kris proceeds to go through the motions of putting his brother in a standing head scissors, and hooking his arms, tossing the book aside once he no longer has a free hand to hold it.

 

“You know how to do it, right,” pleads Kross.

 

“Yes,” yells Kris. “Now, get ready…”

 

Underneath, Kross braces himself, while his brother smiles with excitement. Kris jumps up, and then falls to his knees, slamming Kross head first onto the hard wood floor of their penthouse.

 

WHAM!

 

“That was SO cool,” excitedly bellows Kris as he jumps to his feet. “You wanna try it on me now?”

 

Kris turns and looks down at his brother, out cold on the floor.

 

“Dude,” asks Kris, tapping Kross on the shoulder. “Dude? You alright?”

 

Kris looks around, and then back down to his brother, who is definitely unconscious on the floor. Kris gives his brother a kick with his foot, but still nothing. Even a tap to Kross’s crotch with Kris’s foot doesn’t revive him.

 

“Damn,” shrugs Kris. “Oh well…This is going to be SO cool!!”

 

Kris bounces off towards his bedroom, leaving his brother on the floor in the common room, unconscious.

 

Them boys ain’t right.

[Guest Thoth]

BAHAHAH! I always wondered about the wrestling cliche of the "piledriver position."

 

...BAHAHAH another joke!

[Guest El Luchadore Magnifico]

Bwahaha, these guys rock.

 

Great, funny promo.

[janusd 0]

....BAHAHAHAHAHAA.

 

You guys = teh rock with this promo. And....

 

You boys ain't right.

[Guest Beingz0wningj00]

Hilarious stuff.

 

 

Do a Final Thought!

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

I thought this was a one-off joke, but it appears we have some new (old?) characters. The best part about this is that I'm not as excited to figure out who these guys are as to see how they come off in the ring. Methinks we're in for a hoot.

[Guest Suicide King]

Hell, at this rate I'll be surprised if they ever even write themselves to win.