Funny Cyber Sex

[Guest EMAXSAUN]

http://www.v6power.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=14799

 

[Guest EMAXSAUN]

oh come on, someone reply, its funny dammit!

[Guest Youth N Asia]

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[Guest EMAXSAUN]

Well It works for me, but what I'm going to do is copy and past all of them into this thread, read them all, they are friggin hilarious.

 

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?

BritneySpears14: Aight.

bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.

BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.

bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.

bloodninja: Me too baby.

BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.

bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.

BritneySpears14: Hey...

bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.

BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.

bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.

BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.

bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.

bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.

BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.

bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.

bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.

bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.

bloodninja: Baby?

 

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.

j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.

bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.

j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.

j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.

bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.

j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.

j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.

j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.

j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.

bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.

bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.

j_gurli3: thats it.

bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.

bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

 

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?

eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.

BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.

eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.

BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.

BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.

eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.

eminemBNJA: Oh shit

BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.

eminemBNJA: Oh shit

eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

 

bloodninja: Wanna cyber?

Katie_007: Sure, you into vegetables?

bloodninja: What like gardening an shit?

Katie_007: Yeah, something like that.

bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out:

bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.

(pause)

Katie_007: is that it?

bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.

bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?

Katie_007: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?

(pause)

bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... sexily.

bloodninja: I ride your buttocks like they were amber waves of grains.

Katie_007: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.

bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.

bloodninja: Damn baby you're right, this shit is HOTT.

Katie_007: ...

bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.

Katie_007: What the f*ck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.

bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.

Katie_007: whatever.

 

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

 

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high

heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements

are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

 

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on

a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also

wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from

dinner...it smells funny.

 

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?

 

Wellhung: OK

 

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the

stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into

your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and

begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

 

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

 

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

 

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

 

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

 

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

 

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk

slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and

rubbing.

 

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a

hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.

 

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

 

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

 

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft

breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

 

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck.

Do you have any scissors?

 

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back

undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my

breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

 

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting

the clasp.

 

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your

tongue all over me.

 

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know,

breasts. They're neat!

 

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm

nibbling your ear.

 

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and

phlegm.

 

Sweetheart: What?

 

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

 

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of

my blouse.

 

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with

a plop.

 

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your

hard tool.

 

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

 

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

 

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over,

in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

 

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

 

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

 

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

 

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

 

Sweetheart: Can I help?

 

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling

through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

 

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

 

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

 

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

 

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

 

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

 

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet.

And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost.

Where's the bedroom?

 

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

 

Wellhung: I found it.

 

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so

badly.

 

Wellhung: Me too.

 

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked

bodies pressing each other.

 

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

 

Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?

 

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the

glasses on the night table.

 

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

 

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room

and toward the bathroom.

 

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

 

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for

the toilet. I lift the lid.

 

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

 

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle,

but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

 

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

 

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper.

Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my

way.

 

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

 

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in

your...you know...woman's thing.

 

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

 

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth BUTT. It feels so nice. I kiss

your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

 

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand

it another second! Slide in!  Screw me now!

 

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

 

Sweetheart: What?

 

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

 

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look

on my face.

 

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all

floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

 

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my

underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

 

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table.

I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray,

picture frames and your candles.

 

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

 

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of

our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing

at it, a shocked look on my face.

 

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

 

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

 

Sweetheart: <logged off>

 

Girl: Hi

Boy: hello

Boy: who is this?

Girl: just a someone?

Boy: A someone I know?

Girl: nope

Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?

Girl: well sorrrrrry

Girl: I just wanted to chat with you

Boy: why?

Girl: nevermind your an asshole

Boy: Hey wait a minute

Girl: yes?

Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid

Girl: paranoid?

Boy: yes

Girl: of what?

Girl: me?

Boy: No. I'm in hiding.

Girl: LOL

Boy: Don't ******* laugh at me!

Boy: This shit is serious!

Girl: What are you hiding from?

Boy: The cops.

Girl: gimme a ******* break

Boy: I'm serious.

Girl: I don't get it

Boy: The cops are after me.

Girl: For what?

Boy: I'm wanted in three states

Girl: For???

Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.

Boy: I had sex with a turkey.

Boy: Hello?

Girl: You are ******* sick.

Boy: Send me your picture.

Girl: why?

Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.

Girl: One of what?

Boy: The cops.

Girl: I'm not a cop i told you

Boy: Then send me your picture.

Girl: hold on

Boy: Hurry up.

Boy: Are you there?

Boy: **** you, cop!

Girl: Hey sorry

Girl: I had to do something for my mom.

Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.

Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.

Boy: Weren't you!?

Girl: thats not it

Boy: Then what?

Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty

Boy: Most cops aren't

Girl: IM NOT A ******* COP YOU DICKHEAD!

Boy: Then send me the picture.

Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?

Boy: Just send it through here.

Girl: alright *PIC*

Girl: Did you get it?

Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.

Girl: That was me back in may

Girl: I've lost weight since then.

Boy: I hope so

Girl: what?!?

Girl: that hurt my feelings.

Boy: Did it?

Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.

Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?

Girl: yes

Boy: Alright let me find it.

Girl: kks

Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*

Girl: this isn't you.

Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't!

Girl: You don't look like that.

Boy: How the hell do you know?

Girl: cause your profile has another picture.

Boy: The profile pic is a fake.

Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.

Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol

Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....

Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.

Girl: Go **** yourself

Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture

Boy: Now my dick won't get hard for a week.

Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.

Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.

Girl: you hurt me.

Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?

Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me!

Boy: Why would I do that?

Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you

Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..

Girl: FUC YOU!!!

Boy: You'd break both of his legs.

Girl: You're a ******* asshole.

Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight

Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me

Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.

Girl: No you aren't

Boy: You're right. I'm not.

Boy: HAARRRRR!

Girl: I'm done with you

Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.

Girl: I'm putting you on ignore

Boy: Wait a sec

Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.

Boy: Wanna start over?

Girl: No

Boy: I'll eat your pussy

Girl: You'll what?

Boy: You heard me.

Boy: I said I'd eat your pussy.

Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture

Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?

Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes

Boy: Well I'm not like most men.

Boy: I get excited in different ways.

Girl: Like what?

Boy: Do you really wanna know?

Girl: I don't know

Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.

Girl: I'm afraid to

Boy: Why?

Girl: cause

Boy: cause why?

Girl: well lets see

Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out

Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?

Boy: Nope

Girl: well its strange to me

Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to

Girl: I didn't say that

Boy: So is that a yes?

Girl: I guess so.

Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.

Boy: Are you willing?

Girl: What do you need me to do?

Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.

Girl: ???

Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"

Boy: ok?

Boy: Hello?

Girl: You can't be serious

Boy: Oh yes I am!

Boy: It's my fantasy.

Girl: this is retarded

Boy: Do you want it or not?

Girl: Yes I want it.

Boy: Then you'll do it for me?

Girl: sure

Boy: Ok. Here we go.

Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.

Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them

Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy.

Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.

Girl: mmmm yeah

Boy: uh oh ...going limp.

Girl: Har

Boy: You gotta do better than that!

Boy: Your picture was really bad.

Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR

Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke.

Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.

Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.

Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.

Girl: mmmmmm you are good

Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder

Boy: going limp

Girl: HARRRRRRR

Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.

Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.

Boy: going limp

Girl: this is stupid

Boy: ...still limp

Boy: Do it!

Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR

Boy: I turn you around to lick your asshole.

Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.

Boy: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.

Girl: WTF?!?!?

Boy: They stink really bad.

Girl: OMG STOP!!!

Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass

Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.

Boy: I ram it up your ass.

Girl: YOURE A ******* PYSCHO!!

Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.

Boy: And turn you into a ******* candy apple...

Boy: I kick you in the face!

Girl: **** YOU ASSHOLE!!

Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...

Boy: Your parrot flys away.

Boy: ...going limp again.

Boy: Hello?

Boy: Say it!

Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

go back

 

J-Dogg: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.

Partner: mmmm, okay.

J-Dogg: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.

Partner: Yeah I like it rough.

J-Dogg: I smack you thick booty.

Partner: Oh yeah, that feels good j.

J-Dogg: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.

J-Dogg: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.

Partner: you like that?

J-Dogg: I peel some bananas.

Partner: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?

J-Dogg: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.

Partner: Peanuts?

J-Dogg: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.

Partner: What are you talking about?

J-Dogg: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.

Partner: This is stupid.

J-Dogg: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.

J-Dogg: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?

J-Dogg: Yeeaahhhh.

Partner: /ignore

J-Dogg: Its cool stone cold she was a b*tch anyway.

J-Dogg: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

 

---------------------------------------------------------

 

J-Dogg: You there baby??

Partner2: Yeah I'm here.

J-Dogg: You ready?

Partner2: Okay.

J-Dogg: I take off my trenchcoat I'm nekked beneath, with pistols on my belt.

Partner2: Cowboy boots?

J-Dogg: WWI era trench issue boots.

Partner2: okay...

J-Dogg: Help me pull my boots off baby.

Partner2: Whats that smell?

J-Dogg: Rotting toes.

Partner2: Ummm...

J-Dogg: My boots pop off. My feet are black. The toes crumble off with the slightest touch. The dead black tissue that was once my skin chips off in large crispy flakes. A smell of death pervades the room. Gangrenous pus drips from the ends of the stumps where my toes were. I look deep in your eyes, and shove my tongue down your throat.

Partner2: ...

J-Dogg: You carress my ass, and trim my pubes...

 

---------------------------------------------------------

 

J-Dogg: Ok baby, you promise me you will stick around till I'm done?

(partner4: Ben Affleck, alone on a saturday night because he is a peice of moldy rat sh*t, is posing as a young girl looking for cyber partners.)

Ben:Yeah Mr. Dogg. Anything for you, you are so handsome and studly.

J-Dogg: Good, now I'm into some wierd sh*t, so don't be surprised aight?

Ben: ok mr. Doggy I promise.

J-Dogg: Aight then, we settle down on the couch...

Ben: Oh romantic? This isn't wierd, I like it like that baby. What else.

J-Dogg: I put in a movie so that your mom can't hear us. It is called "Good Will Hunting".

Ben: Aaahhhh....

J-Dogg: I like this movie a lot.

Ben: Ok, thats cool.

J-Dogg: You start getting frisky so I put my hand down your undies. They have care bears on them. You are my 15 year old niece and we are in my aunts house.

Ben: ohhhh I like where this is going...

J-Dogg: Suddenly this f*ck with short dark hair comes on the TV screen. I think his name is Ben something. He is a real piece of moldy rat sh*t. I can't keep it up because of him. I need some shark fin soup.

Ben: What the f*ck, you are the piece of sh*t, what you got against Ben Affleck, I heard he's real good in the sack, and gets ALL the ladies.

J-Dogg: Yeah right, I bet he's at home right now geting it on with some guy.

Ben: F*ck you I'm out of here. And Ben Affleck is 100% not gay, I can assure you of that.

(Ben logs off and cries himself to sleep)

J-Dogg: Goddammit, not again.

J-Dogg: Still not hard either.

J-Dogg: F*ck.

 

---------------------------------------------------------

 

Partner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?

J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.

Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"

J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and sh*t. You know, rollin with tha homies and sh*t.

Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?

J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.

Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?

J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.

Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".

J-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big.

Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?

J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.

Partner6: It likes that.

J-Dogg: aight.

Partner6: Keep talking to me baby...

J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.

Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.

J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...

Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.

J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...

Partner6: WTF?!

J-Dogg: Oh sh*t, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!

Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only f*ck women...

J-Dogg: Sh*t just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!

Partner6: You dipsh*t.

J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...

J-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr.

 

---------------------------------------------------------

 

J-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.

Partner8: Who the f*ck are you?

J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:

J-Dogg: F*ck me, F*ck me.

J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.

Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?

J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your thigh.

Partner8: Is that like cancer?

J-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.

Partner8: Good one romeo.

J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you tihink it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.

The salmon swim at night.

Towards your room.

The snow and the moon.

Partner8: that was never a haiku.

J-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.

Partner8: That made even less sense than your "haiku"

J-Dogg: So you ready to f*ck then?

Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.

J-Dogg: ...

Partner8: ?

J-Dogg: I'm spent.

 

 

--------------------------------------------------------

 

Jdogg:Hey

QT-Pie:Hey

Jdogg:whats goin on

QT-Pie:Nothing. Who are you?

Jdogg:Jdogg. Wanna cyber?

QT-Pie:what does that mean?

Jdogg:what are you wearing?

QT-Pie:T-shirt. Jeans.

Jdogg:Garter belt?

QT-Pie:Ummm...no.

Jdogg:Are we gonna cyber or not?

QT-Pie: uh, okay.

Jdogg:Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.

Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your p*ssy stink from here.

QT-Pie: WHAT?!

Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.

Jdogg:You leave everything to jdogg.

Jdogg:I am completely inside of you. You are my d*ck puppet. I put on a little play.

QT-Pie:This is weird. I should go.

Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.

QT-Pie: A stripe?

Jdogg: I need a sandwich.

QT-Pie: You're a freak.

Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.

 

-------------------------------------------

 

J-dogg:Hey Kate, I saw you on the hs chatroom

J-dogg:Your pretty funny

DirtyKate:I don't remember you.. but thanx

J-dogg:Wanna cyber?

DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody 

DirtyKate:Who are you?

J-dogg:I graduated two years ago. I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot. Right now I'm going to Auburn

J-dogg:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my new Sebring

DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..

J-dogg:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order

DirtyKate: Haha! OK

DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.

J-dogg:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?

DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!

J-dogg:Is this a delivery?

DirtyKate:Umm...Yes

DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...

J-dogg:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.

<pause>

DirtyKate:Jdogg, I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!

J-dogg:You can't hurry good pizza.

J-dogg:I'm on my way now though

<pause>

DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.

J-dogg:How did you know?

J-dogg:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.

J-dogg:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven

DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby

J-dogg:So you're still in the bathroom?

DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.

J-dogg:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....

DirtyKate:What the f*ck?

DirtyKate:You perverted piece of sh*t

DirtyKate:F*ck

[Agent_Bond34 0]

That was pretty funny.

[Guest EMAXSAUN]

did anyone else read them?

[Guest Memphis]

 

Tatsutoshi Goto says "Sex is great"

 

Good one, Tatsutoshi.

 

M

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

Hilarious, really.

[Guest Ravenbomb]

omg that was great!

[Guest TheArchiteck]

LoL.....that pizza one had me laughing.

[Guest Slingshot Suplex]

Oh to be young and insane again....

[Guest Ravenbomb]

I am SO doing one of those

[Guest Heavy As Hell]

This thread is Sliced Bread #3

[Guest EMAXSAUN]

I am SO doing one of those

I know seriously, I want to go into some chatroom as do that so badly.

[Guest Heel In Peril]

Hilarious!!! I haven't laughed that hard in some time.

[Guest Ravenbomb]

ok, mine probably isn't as good, but it was fun to do, so I did some

 

JsHaYe34: asl

NoArmedWhitey: 17/m/MO

JsHaYe34: 15/f/cali

NoArmedWhitey: ah

NoArmedWhitey: into cybering?

JsHaYe34: ye

NoArmedWhitey: ok

NoArmedWhitey: want to?

JsHaYe34: u start

NoArmedWhitey: ok

NoArmedWhitey: what do you look like

NoArmedWhitey: ?

JsHaYe34: brown hair and eyes

JsHaYe34: tan big tits

NoArmedWhitey: I'm kindof tall, I have blond hair, it's kindof spiked up, and I'm wearing a long red trenchcoat

JsHaYe34: lol

JsHaYe34: kool

NoArmedWhitey: ok

NoArmedWhitey: what do you want me to do to you?

JsHaYe34: ?

NoArmedWhitey: we're cybering right?

NoArmedWhitey: *anime sweatdrop*

JsHaYe34: yea

NoArmedWhitey: oh

NoArmedWhitey: ok

JsHaYe34: start

NoArmedWhitey: ok

NoArmedWhitey: I start undoing your shirt

NoArmedWhitey: my eyes are wiggling with excitement

JsHaYe34: lool

NoArmedWhitey: whats a lool?

NoArmedWhitey: is that some kind of giant robot?

NoArmedWhitey: cause it's no match for my Gundam Z

NoArmedWhitey: you get in your robot and I get in mine

JsHaYe34: lol***** my bad

NoArmedWhitey: oh

NoArmedWhitey: we get out of our robots

NoArmedWhitey: I do this better with some background noise, is it okay if I turn the TV on?

JsHaYe34: yea

NoArmedWhitey: ok

NoArmedWhitey: I turn on Cartoon Network

JsHaYe34: lol

NoArmedWhitey: Neon Genises Evangelion is on

NoArmedWhitey: but it's over

NoArmedWhitey: I'm sad

NoArmedWhitey: but then you're naked

NoArmedWhitey: that makes me not sad

JsHaYe34: a better party

NoArmedWhitey: yeah

NoArmedWhitey: it was a dumb episode anyways

NoArmedWhitey: so, we sit on the bed

NoArmedWhitey: out of nowhere I pull out my giant gun

NoArmedWhitey: er...

NoArmedWhitey: bah, you know what I meant

JsHaYe34: yea

NoArmedWhitey: do you like it rough?

JsHaYe34: hell yea

NoArmedWhitey: awsm

JsHaYe34: lets do it

NoArmedWhitey: I go super sayan

NoArmedWhitey: I flip you over and shove it in

JsHaYe34: yea

NoArmedWhitey: I time my rhythum to the theme of Yu Yu Hakusho that's playing in the background

NoArmedWhitey: I grab your blue hair

NoArmedWhitey: oh, your hair is blue now, btw

NoArmedWhitey: want it rougher?

NoArmedWhitey: I assume you do and go Super Sayan 2

NoArmedWhitey: now your screaming in some kind of pleasure type dealy

JsHaYe34: yea

NoArmedWhitey: since we're in my bedroom, my parents are in the next room, so I have to smack some quiet into

you

JsHaYe34 signed off

 

if anybody likes that one I'll post the really long (seven pages) one

[Guest EMAXSAUN]

ahaha that was pretty funny.

[Guest TheBigCalbowski]

Nutmeg23Man: do you cyber?

MnS32401: oh yes do you

Nutmeg23Man: yes

Nutmeg23Man: what do you look like?

MnS32401: red hair, blue eyes, 5'8

Nutmeg23Man: black hair, brown eyes, 5'7"

Nutmeg23Man: yeah i  know im short

MnS32401: Thats okay

Nutmeg23Man: what are you wearing?

MnS32401: pants and a tight red shirt

Nutmeg23Man: mmmmm

Nutmeg23Man: ive got on sweatpants and a tshirt

MnS32401: cool can I grab your crouch

Nutmeg23Man: please do

MnS32401: thanks I am rubbing your dick and hoping you get hard soon.

Nutmeg23Man: oh yeah that feels good

Nutmeg23Man: i have my hand on your ass

MnS32401: Does it, I am going down and starting to suck on your dick

MnS32401: I am sucker faster and faster until you get ready to cum

Nutmeg23Man: wait stop

MnS32401: ok whatever you say baby

Nutmeg23Man: i have to brush my teeth

MnS32401: ok

Nutmeg23Man: i dont want you to smell my breath...i had a bean burrito for lunch

MnS32401: Oh ok thanks

MnS32401: I ask you for your hand,

Nutmeg23Man: i give you my hand

MnS32401: I take your hand and walk you to the bed where I lay you down.

MnS32401: I begin to take your shirt off and start kissing your neck.

MnS32401: I then work my way down and take you pants off.

Nutmeg23Man: i sit up and take my socks off

MnS32401: I get a grib of your dick and make it stand high. I slowly push your dick into my pussy and start fucking you slowly.

Nutmeg23Man: *shwing*

Nutmeg23Man: i sit up and suck on your areola

MnS32401: I start going faster as i pull off my shirt for you to see. Tits tits everywhere want you feel them

Nutmeg23Man: i grab your tits

MnS32401: Please suck them for me.

Nutmeg23Man: i feel my way to your back

Nutmeg23Man: wait a sec

Nutmeg23Man: i suck on your left nipple

Nutmeg23Man: whats that on your back?

Nutmeg23Man: i lay you on the bed on your stomach

MnS32401: oh god baby are you going to hit me from behind

Nutmeg23Man: i fell off the bed :-(

Nutmeg23Man: my head hurts

Nutmeg23Man: i climb back on the bed

Nutmeg23Man: can you check my ass for me?

MnS32401: Oh gosh Ihave to go sorry

Nutmeg23Man: i think my hemmrhoids burst :-(

 

Well this isnt quite that good but a couple funny parts.

 

Here's another

Nutmeg23Man: what would you do to me?

LotsOfSunshine87: pull off ur shirt sit you down then i sit on ur lap and wrap my legs around you kissing you deeply then moaning softly into ur ear

Nutmeg23Man: i just got my ear pierced today so be gentle

LotsOfSunshine87: alright

Nutmeg23Man: i slowly slide off your shirt

Nutmeg23Man: im having trouble undoing your bra

Nutmeg23Man: one sec

LotsOfSunshine87: k

Nutmeg23Man: help

Nutmeg23Man: i think it's stuck on my finger

LotsOfSunshine87: helps you undo it

Nutmeg23Man: mmmmm those are nice

LotsOfSunshine87: thanx;-)

Nutmeg23Man: i lean back on the chair to get the foot rest out

Nutmeg23Man: i think its stuck

Nutmeg23Man: i get off the chair and lay on the floor

LotsOfSunshine87: then i crawl on top of you and rub ur nice body and kiss you all over

Nutmeg23Man: careful of my 3rd nipple

Nutmeg23Man: i slide off your skirt

LotsOfSunshine87: mmm

Nutmeg23Man: i pull your thong off

LotsOfSunshine87: keep kissing you deeply and licks u down ur neck

Nutmeg23Man: im getting a hardon

LotsOfSunshine87: mmm nice

Nutmeg23Man: i grab two handles that magically appear on the wall behind me and let you keep going

LotsOfSunshine87: mmm i lick u down to ur cock and sucks it nice and hard

Nutmeg23Man: ouch

Nutmeg23Man: i bumped my head :-(

LotsOfSunshine87: awwwww

Nutmeg23Man: my hardon is gone

Nutmeg23Man: lemme get a viagra pill

LotsOfSunshine87: k

Nutmeg23Man: jeez that was quick

Nutmeg23Man: sorry i poked your eye

LotsOfSunshine87: it's alright

Nutmeg23Man: shit it just went through the roof

Nutmeg23Man: it's out of control now

Nutmeg23Man: help me!!!

LotsOfSunshine87: mmmm keeps kissing u all over

LotsOfSunshine87: and moans louder

Nutmeg23Man: im shaking

LotsOfSunshine87: mmmm

Nutmeg23Man: OMG, a satellite just came out of my ass

Nutmeg23Man: its transmitting signals

Nutmeg23Man: quick go to the computer and tell me where the signals are going to

LotsOfSunshine87: ok

Nutmeg23Man: is it visitors?

LotsOfSunshine87: yea

Nutmeg23Man: dont let them take me away

LotsOfSunshine87: i won't

Nutmeg23Man: i think they wanna install upgrades on the satellite

LotsOfSunshine87: ok

 

She stopped after that.

Edited May 24, 2003 by TheBigCalbowski

[Guest TwiztidKing]

That was hilarious, I was laughing for at least an hour after reading those then showed everyone I know.

[Guest Ravenbomb]

in this one, I'm pretending to be a girl, sortof

 

sorry that it's so long

NoArmedWhitey: ok

NoArmedWhitey: *I start by taking your shirt off

NoArmedWhitey: *

ReMyDoG420: ya

NoArmedWhitey: I take my shorts off, I'm not wearing anything underneath

ReMyDoG420: yup

NoArmedWhitey: *you take my cock in your hand*

ReMyDoG420: NoArmedWhitey: *you take my cock in your hand*

NoArmedWhitey: yeah

NoArmedWhitey: oh

NoArmedWhitey: I mean, that's what you say

ReMyDoG420: your a guy

NoArmedWhitey: that's what you say

ReMyDoG420: ok

ReMyDoG420: ok

NoArmedWhitey: *you jerk me off until I jizz on your face*

NoArmedWhitey: *I get some sea salt and curry*

NoArmedWhitey: this is the part of stuff that I'm into that's weird

ReMyDoG420: wait i dont get it

NoArmedWhitey: I put the curry on the jizz on your face in clown makeup patterns

ReMyDoG420: ok

NoArmedWhitey: I like one person eating things off the other person's chest

NoArmedWhitey: I get some fritos

NoArmedWhitey: you like fritos?

NoArmedWhitey: sure ya do

NoArmedWhitey: I get arrange them in a circle on your chest

ReMyDoG420: yup

NoArmedWhitey: I get some sloppy joes

NoArmedWhitey: and put it in the ring of fritos

NoArmedWhitey: I get some of that pbj mix stuff in the jar and put that on top of the sloppy joes

NoArmedWhitey: and put salt on top of that

ReMyDoG420: dam

ReMyDoG420: ok

NoArmedWhitey: in a little thing I like to call Sloppy Joes with PBJ and salt on top in a Frito Bowl

ReMyDoG420: what the fuck

NoArmedWhitey: yeah

NoArmedWhitey: told ya it was weird

NoArmedWhitey: hang in there

ReMyDoG420: ok

NoArmedWhitey: it gets sexyer

ReMyDoG420: ok

NoArmedWhitey: the jizz is off your face now

ReMyDoG420: ok'

NoArmedWhitey: I pee on the sloppy joes

NoArmedWhitey: you eat it like soup

ReMyDoG420: ok

NoArmedWhitey: I turn the TV on

NoArmedWhitey: Sanford and Son is on

ReMyDoG420: that a littel fuck up

NoArmedWhitey: you love it

NoArmedWhitey: that old guy is having a fake heart attack

NoArmedWhitey: it sends you into raging orgasms

NoArmedWhitey: I cum by proxy

NoArmedWhitey: the smell of sex and sloppy joes attracts a duck

NoArmedWhitey: it flies into the room quacking up a storm

NoArmedWhitey: I cook it for dinner

NoArmedWhitey: it's tasty

NoArmedWhitey: is this getting you hot, baby?

ReMyDoG420: what the fuck

NoArmedWhitey: calm down

ReMyDoG420: no

NoArmedWhitey: I told you

NoArmedWhitey: it's gonna get sexyer

ReMyDoG420: well i didnt think you ment like that

NoArmedWhitey: Will Ferrel walks in

NoArmedWhitey: you know, the guy from Old School

NoArmedWhitey: he kicks me in the ass until you cum

NoArmedWhitey: which is only 2 minutes because it's damn sexy

NoArmedWhitey: we kick him out of the house

NoArmedWhitey: suddenly

NoArmedWhitey: we're in Canada

NoArmedWhitey: Sexy Canada

NoArmedWhitey: we're on the bed

NoArmedWhitey: you're warming me up if you know what I mean ;-)

NoArmedWhitey: another girl walks in

NoArmedWhitey: we strip you naked

NoArmedWhitey: getting hot yet?

ReMyDoG420: ya

NoArmedWhitey: your cock gets real hard

NoArmedWhitey: it pokes her in the eye

NoArmedWhitey: she says it hurts, but we pay no mind

NoArmedWhitey: we strip her naked

NoArmedWhitey: we're having a hard time because she's whining that her fucking eye hurts

NoArmedWhitey: you slap some quiet into her

NoArmedWhitey: I deserve some of that, too

NoArmedWhitey: I've been a naughty girl

NoArmedWhitey: but suddenly we're in your bedroom

NoArmedWhitey: the lights are out

NoArmedWhitey: we're rolling around under the sheets

NoArmedWhitey: still hot, babe?

ReMyDoG420: ya

NoArmedWhitey: good

ReMyDoG420: i wann you to get on it

NoArmedWhitey: feel free to contribute

NoArmedWhitey: I feel like I'm doing all the work

ReMyDoG420: then i start to lick your pussy

NoArmedWhitey: oooh, yeah

ReMyDoG420: and you are like faster

NoArmedWhitey: suddenly the cat jumps on the bed

ReMyDoG420: so i start to lick it faster

NoArmedWhitey: the cat won't leave

NoArmedWhitey: the smell of sex and Jell-O is keeping it here

ReMyDoG420: so i trow it out the window

NoArmedWhitey: the broken glass kills it

NoArmedWhitey: we're sad

NoArmedWhitey: but still horny

NoArmedWhitey: so we keep at it

NoArmedWhitey: suddenly the dog jumps on the bed

NoArmedWhitey: and it's weenie is hard

ReMyDoG420: and you were like put your dick in me

NoArmedWhitey: so it does

NoArmedWhitey: I've never done this before

ReMyDoG420: done what

NoArmedWhitey: stuff with a dog

NoArmedWhitey: you come up with the kinkiest stuff

ReMyDoG420: i dont want eny animas in it

NoArmedWhitey: oh

NoArmedWhitey: but you own a cat and a dog

ReMyDoG420: no

ReMyDoG420: no animals

NoArmedWhitey: you don't?

ReMyDoG420: no

NoArmedWhitey: omfg

ReMyDoG420: what

NoArmedWhitey: WHO'S HOUSE ARE WE IN?!

ReMyDoG420: i dont know

NoArmedWhitey: the lights turn on

NoArmedWhitey: it's the old man and his wife!

NoArmedWhitey: We're in his little girls room!

NoArmedWhitey: we've smothered her to death with our sex!

NoArmedWhitey: run!

ReMyDoG420: ya and i start to fuck you

NoArmedWhitey: Run the fuck out the window!

NoArmedWhitey: he's got a shot gun!

NoArmedWhitey: he's shooting at us!

NoArmedWhitey: I'll fend him off with me raging hardon!

ReMyDoG420: ok do you wanna cyber or not

NoArmedWhitey: you get out of here!

NoArmedWhitey: I'll meet you at our place in Canada!

NoArmedWhitey: Sexy Canada!

ReMyDoG420: let talk about just me and you

NoArmedWhitey: ok

ReMyDoG420: fucking

NoArmedWhitey: ok

NoArmedWhitey: so we're fucking

NoArmedWhitey: you go down to my crotch area

NoArmedWhitey: my weenie slaps you in the face

ReMyDoG420: you  got a dick or something

NoArmedWhitey: *sigh*

NoArmedWhitey: that's what YOU say

NoArmedWhitey: well, at least cybering doesn't require beeing smart

ReMyDoG420: then put you not me

ReMyDoG420: just get on my dick

ReMyDoG420: and ride it like a good bitch

ReMyDoG420: ok

NoArmedWhitey: ok

NoArmedWhitey: so my weenie is hard now

NoArmedWhitey: you lick it

NoArmedWhitey: and ride it like a good bitch

ReMyDoG420: and i start to fuck you and you are scrming harder

NoArmedWhitey: yeah

ReMyDoG420: tell me how you want it

NoArmedWhitey: I want it in the worst way

NoArmedWhitey: standing up in a hammock

ReMyDoG420: tell me how you going to ride my dick

NoArmedWhitey: like this

NoArmedWhitey: *demonstrates*

NoArmedWhitey: you orgasm just from the sight of it

ReMyDoG420: tell me what your going to do to make me come

NoArmedWhitey: ok

NoArmedWhitey: first, I'm gonna grab your stick

NoArmedWhitey: I'm gonna wiggle it in my hand

NoArmedWhitey: uh oh

NoArmedWhitey: you're limp

NoArmedWhitey: you play with it, but it won't get hard

NoArmedWhitey: I start laughing at you

NoArmedWhitey: you start to cry

NoArmedWhitey: I spank you for being a fucking  crybaby loser

NoArmedWhitey: you love it

NoArmedWhitey: I bet you're hot now, yo

ReMyDoG420: tell me how your going to make me cum not me crying

NoArmedWhitey: that is how you cum

ReMyDoG420: i wouldnt be lim nether

NoArmedWhitey: you cum crying like a little bitch with a little tiny limp thing between your legs

NoArmedWhitey: I take you to a hospital

ReMyDoG420: it not tiny

NoArmedWhitey: you get a sex change

NoArmedWhitey: now your name is Pocahontas

NoArmedWhitey: you show me the Colours of the Wind

NoArmedWhitey: I'm amazed at the Colours of the Wind

NoArmedWhitey: I give you some blankets

NoArmedWhitey: you love them

NoArmedWhitey: but you get Small Pox

NoArmedWhitey: and are sick for a couple months

NoArmedWhitey: I give you some medicine and you feel better

ReMyDoG420: ok this is not cybering

NoArmedWhitey: yeah it is

NoArmedWhitey: I'm even touching myself

NoArmedWhitey: I'm hot for you baby

ReMyDoG420: i want you to make me horny no stuped shit

NoArmedWhitey: ok

NoArmedWhitey: lets try suggestive questions

NoArmedWhitey: what would you do to me if I were a banana?

ReMyDoG420: nothing

NoArmedWhitey: or an orange maybe

NoArmedWhitey: no

ReMyDoG420: no

NoArmedWhitey: you have to say stuff that you'd do to an orange

NoArmedWhitey: only word it so that it's sexually suggestive

ReMyDoG420: no

ReMyDoG420: i would suck on you tits

NoArmedWhitey: oranges don't have tits

ReMyDoG420: and start to kiss you

NoArmedWhitey: they have citric acid

NoArmedWhitey: ooh

NoArmedWhitey: you'd kiss my sweet orange skin

NoArmedWhitey: would you peel off my outer layer?

ReMyDoG420: and start to rub your pussy

ReMyDoG420: and you would be like lick my pussy

NoArmedWhitey: oranges don't have any of that

NoArmedWhitey: they have a rhine

NoArmedWhitey: and acid

ReMyDoG420: and i would go down on you and start to suck and lick your pussy

NoArmedWhitey: weenie

ReMyDoG420: and you start to cum

NoArmedWhitey: yeah

NoArmedWhitey: my semen gets all in your face and eyes

NoArmedWhitey: you love it's sweet taste

ReMyDoG420: tell me how hard you would fuck me

ReMyDoG420: come on make me horny

NoArmedWhitey: I take my weenie and put it in your cunt

NoArmedWhitey: you squeel

NoArmedWhitey: you're wearing a japanese school girl outfit

ReMyDoG420: never mind i cant do this with you

NoArmedWhitey: sure you can

NoArmedWhitey: you're my little bitch now

NoArmedWhitey: I slap some quiet into you

NoArmedWhitey: you bad little girl

NoArmedWhitey: now go fix me some sloppy joes

ReMyDoG420: im a guy

NoArmedWhitey: I'll eat it off your pussy

NoArmedWhitey: no

NoArmedWhitey: I'M a guy

ReMyDoG420: your something els

NoArmedWhitey: no

NoArmedWhitey: I'm a guy

ReMyDoG420: i know you are

NoArmedWhitey: you're a girl

NoArmedWhitey: we discussed this

NoArmedWhitey: remember?

ReMyDoG420: your a fucking retard

NoArmedWhitey: you got a sex change

ReMyDoG420: no

NoArmedWhitey: at least I'm not Pocahontas

NoArmedWhitey: now stop singing about the fucking colours of the wind, bitch

ReMyDoG420: ok i got to go

NoArmedWhitey: no

NoArmedWhitey: I'm making you stay

NoArmedWhitey: you lick my weenie

ReMyDoG420: no

NoArmedWhitey: I'm Dennis Hopper

NoArmedWhitey: like in Blue Velvet

ReMyDoG420: your got something rong with you

NoArmedWhitey: oooooh, I'm slutty

NoArmedWhitey: the only thing rong with me is that I can spell

NoArmedWhitey: you fucking dumb bitch

NoArmedWhitey: now fix me some sloppy joes

ReMyDoG420: ok

ReMyDoG420: lol

NoArmedWhitey: that's right

NoArmedWhitey: laugh your ass into the kitchen

NoArmedWhitey: before I send you back to your indian casino

ReMyDoG420: your weard

NoArmedWhitey: told you

NoArmedWhitey: I'm into some weird stuff

ReMyDoG420: ya i guess i should of lisen

NoArmedWhitey: I know

NoArmedWhitey: not even the most scientific medical doctors can explain it

NoArmedWhitey: I hit you with a vibrating Jelly Fish

ReMyDoG420: ok

NoArmedWhitey: you love this

NoArmedWhitey: I remember

NoArmedWhitey: when you were litt

NoArmedWhitey: le

NoArmedWhitey: we used to sit on the swings

ReMyDoG420: you been drop on you head didnt you

NoArmedWhitey: no

NoArmedWhitey: the only thing I drop is my pants

NoArmedWhitey: when I'm bending you over

ReMyDoG420: im a guy stuped

NoArmedWhitey: see, I drop my pants because my weenie is in there

NoArmedWhitey: learn to spell

NoArmedWhitey: you may be a guy, but you're still a girl

NoArmedWhitey: see, the sex change did that

NoArmedWhitey: we talked about this

NoArmedWhitey: what is this, Memento?

NoArmedWhitey: should I call you Lenny?

NoArmedWhitey: where's Squiggy?

NoArmedWhitey: OMG

NoArmedWhitey: BILL MURRAY!

NoArmedWhitey: GHOSTBUSTERS!

NoArmedWhitey: If there's something strange

NoArmedWhitey: in the neighborhood

NoArmedWhitey: who ya gonna call?

NoArmedWhitey: WHO YA GONNA CALL, BITCH?

NoArmedWhitey: Ghostbusters

NoArmedWhitey: that's right

NoArmedWhitey: I ain't afraid of no ghost

NoArmedWhitey: u?

NoArmedWhitey: u afraid of no ghost?

 

 

Previous message was not received by ReMyDoG420 because of error: User ReMyDoG420 is not available.

 

 

 

NoArmedWhitey: bitch

ReMyDoG420: what

NoArmedWhitey: that's right

NoArmedWhitey: ok

ReMyDoG420: im out bye

NoArmedWhitey: no

NoArmedWhitey: DON'T GO!

NoArmedWhitey: I'm sorry!

ReMyDoG420: talk to some one els

NoArmedWhitey: we can do like you say!

NoArmedWhitey: look!

ReMyDoG420: do what

NoArmedWhitey: *BUTT sex*

NoArmedWhitey: *I'm hot and horney*

NoArmedWhitey: *CHILDREN!*

NoArmedWhitey: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

NoArmedWhitey: well

NoArmedWhitey: it's been kinda fun

NoArmedWhitey: but you kinda ruined the whole thing

NoArmedWhitey: you agreed to cyber even tho I was into some weird stuff

NoArmedWhitey: I think you need to get your shit in order before next time

NoArmedWhitey: bye, Pocahontas

[Guest EMAXSAUN]

LMAO

[Guest the holy grail]

quallity work, especially the guy who thinks he is a wizard made me laugh for along time

[Guest HartFan86]

My two friends and I got kicked out of the library cause we were laughing so hard at these...I was dying on the Rhino one. Same with the wizard one. And the schlong pulling one.

[Guest EMAXSAUN]

My personal favorite is the 2nd wizard one. LMAO

[Guest TheBigCalbowski]

She gave me something to work with.

 

scatterheart77: whats up?

Nutmeg23Man: nmh

Nutmeg23Man: you?

scatterheart77: i was hoping you would say YOU WERE . . .

Nutmeg23Man: lol

Nutmeg23Man: thats classic

scatterheart77: ;-)

Nutmeg23Man: ok im up

Nutmeg23Man: lol

scatterheart77: is that the truth?

Nutmeg23Man: technicallly yes

Nutmeg23Man: im not sleeping at the moment

scatterheart77: haha... i didnt mean THAT kind of up...

Nutmeg23Man: i know :-P

scatterheart77: i meant.. well... another part of you is up..

scatterheart77: ah.. okay

Nutmeg23Man: lemme check

Nutmeg23Man: nope not up at the moment

scatterheart77: why not

Nutmeg23Man: nothing to get me up at the moment

scatterheart77: no free rides at the moment?

Nutmeg23Man: nope

Nutmeg23Man: lol

scatterheart77: shop closed tonight?

Nutmeg23Man: yes it is

scatterheart77: a real shame.... i have this nice work bench and all..

Nutmeg23Man: do you really?

scatterheart77: wouldnt say so if i didnt

scatterheart77: and here i am...

scatterheart77: ready to open..

Nutmeg23Man: what have you got in mind?

scatterheart77: yet youre closed..

scatterheart77: guess timings off

Nutmeg23Man: *throws you the key*

Nutmeg23Man: do whatever you want with the key

Nutmeg23Man: just make sure you lock the door on your way out if you wanna take anything

scatterheart77: puts the key in her mouth... and under her tongue...i'll save it for later... whenever you're ready..

Nutmeg23Man: i'll tell you what, bring me the work bench and i'll see what i can do

scatterheart77: smiles

scatterheart77: straddles you softly, fully clothed

Nutmeg23Man: oh my

Nutmeg23Man: *turns off tv*

scatterheart77: softly and quietly kisses your cheek

Nutmeg23Man: *sweat drop*

Nutmeg23Man: *puts bucket underneath bench

scatterheart77: slowly moves and kisses your lips

Nutmeg23Man: *3 more sweat drops into the bucket*

scatterheart77: slides her hand down

Nutmeg23Man: *2 sweat drops*

scatterheart77: into your pants

Nutmeg23Man: *breathing heavily*

Nutmeg23Man: *takes out albuterol inhaler*

scatterheart77: and lightly strokes you

Nutmeg23Man: much better

scatterheart77: with one gentle finger

Nutmeg23Man: *shaking*

scatterheart77: smiles

scatterheart77: whispers in your ear . . . are you up?

Nutmeg23Man: *whispers in your ear* go in and check

scatterheart77: smiles

scatterheart77: slowly moves down and unzips your pants with her teeth

Nutmeg23Man: *grabs onto nearby cabinet*

Nutmeg23Man: *holds on for dear life*

scatterheart77: slowly licks from top to bottom

scatterheart77: down and up

scatterheart77: down and up

scatterheart77: over and over

Nutmeg23Man: *many many sweat drops*

Nutmeg23Man: *bucket fills up*

Nutmeg23Man: *puts another bucket underneath*

scatterheart77: smiles and whispers again . . . are you up?

Nutmeg23Man: yes

scatterheart77: are you sure?

Nutmeg23Man: yes it is

Nutmeg23Man: whoops

Nutmeg23Man: sorry i poked your eye

Nutmeg23Man: are you okay?

scatterheart77: of course

scatterheart77: but you need to kiss it now

Nutmeg23Man: *pulls out a hershey's kiss and touches your eye with it*

scatterheart77: pouts... you dont want to kiss me?

scatterheart77: maybe i should go...

Nutmeg23Man: maybe if you tempt me more

Nutmeg23Man: heh, nah *gives you a kiss on the eye*

Nutmeg23Man: *forgets which eye got poked*

Nutmeg23Man: *kisses your other eye*

scatterheart77: smiles

scatterheart77: rubs your member

scatterheart77: first slow and soft

scatterheart77: gradually faster

scatterheart77: and harder

Nutmeg23Man: oh my

scatterheart77: cum on... cum on..

scatterheart77: kisses the tip

Nutmeg23Man: *fills up another sweat bucket*

scatterheart77: then lightly licks it

scatterheart77: smiles

Nutmeg23Man: *its getting too hot in here*

scatterheart77: opens her mouth

Nutmeg23Man: *help me cool down*

scatterheart77: takes you in... inch by inch

Nutmeg23Man: *trying to hold it in*

Nutmeg23Man: *still trying*

scatterheart77: sucking you

scatterheart77: harder and harder

Nutmeg23Man: *turns a fan on*

scatterheart77: your stretching my mouth

Nutmeg23Man: *installs an AC unit

Nutmeg23Man: *cools down a bit*

Nutmeg23Man: *much better*

scatterheart77: im almost choking

scatterheart77: damn you're hard

scatterheart77: how big are you?

Nutmeg23Man: *reaches for the freezer and gets an ice cream sandwich

Nutmeg23Man: your not even half way down

Nutmeg23Man: keep going

scatterheart77: help me out a little

Nutmeg23Man: show me something

scatterheart77: take off my clothes or something

scatterheart77: im sucking so hard

Nutmeg23Man: ive only got 2 hands

scatterheart77: i barely have energy for anything else right now

Nutmeg23Man: lemme finish my ice cream sandwich first

Nutmeg23Man: *finishes ice cream sandwich*

Nutmeg23Man: *remembers seth green in italian job* "so loud it blows women's clothes off"

Nutmeg23Man: *buys stereo seth green mentioned*

Nutmeg23Man: *turns volume to the max*

Nutmeg23Man: *blows your clothes off*

Nutmeg23Man: there

scatterheart77: forgive me for saying so... but where's the love heh... are you gonna help me cum?

Nutmeg23Man: im too worn out

Nutmeg23Man: and that stereo cleaned my bank account

scatterheart77: should i find another guy then?

Nutmeg23Man: get me some more sweat buckets and i'll help you more

Nutmeg23Man: cause ive filled up 6 of em already

scatterheart77: you havent helped me

scatterheart77: havent even touched me

scatterheart77: ive helped you

scatterheart77: haha

Nutmeg23Man: well i got one hand holding on to a cabinet for dear life and ive been changing sweat buckets with the other

Nutmeg23Man: i just dont wanna fall off this workbench

scatterheart77: i think im gonna find a guy whos not only willing to RECEIVE.... but to GIVE too....

Nutmeg23Man: i can only give when im not holding on for dear life

scatterheart77: then stop holding on for dear life

Nutmeg23Man: i cant

scatterheart77: whys that

Nutmeg23Man: i'll fall off

scatterheart77: grabs you hard and throws you to the floor

scatterheart77: were gonna do it doggie style now

Nutmeg23Man: *ouch*

Nutmeg23Man: i bumped my head :-(

scatterheart77: slides herself over you

scatterheart77: opens wide

scatterheart77: and takes you into her mouth

Nutmeg23Man: *shakes*

Nutmeg23Man: *sweats*

scatterheart77: her head is constantly thrown back and forth.. im working you harder than ever

Nutmeg23Man: *wants to touch you*

Nutmeg23Man: *lifts up arms*

Nutmeg23Man: *knocks over bucket of glue*

Nutmeg23Man: SHIT!!!

Nutmeg23Man: *glue all over the floor*

Nutmeg23Man: *arms stuck to floor*

scatterheart77: hahahahaha... what a jerk 

Nutmeg23Man: *stuck to the floor*

Nutmeg23Man: call the fire dept

scatterheart77: better yet.. ill go get them

scatterheart77: see ya

Edited June 9, 2003 by TheBigCalbowski

[Guest TheBigCalbowski]

Nutmeg23Man: put on that minnie mouse costume in the corner

BSexybabe12345: ok

BSexybabe12345: i am getting naked

BSexybabe12345: and now i am putting on the costume

Nutmeg23Man: i put on a pluto costume

BSexybabe12345: ok

Nutmeg23Man: get down on all fours

BSexybabe12345: ok

Nutmeg23Man: im doing you doggy style now

Nutmeg23Man: cause pluto always wanted to fuck minnie

BSexybabe12345: oooooooooo

BSexybabe12345: oooooooo

BSexybabe12345: harder

BSexybabe12345: harder

Nutmeg23Man: my friend walks in wearing a goofy costume

Nutmeg23Man: i step off and give him a turn on you

Nutmeg23Man: you like doggy fucking?

BSexybabe12345: ya

Nutmeg23Man: i take off the pluto costume and put on a mickey costume

BSexybabe12345: nice

Nutmeg23Man: i get jealous of goofy and i kick his ass

BSexybabe12345: even better

Nutmeg23Man: i kick him in the balls

BSexybabe12345: well dont spend all u time with him and forget about wet minny

Nutmeg23Man: goofy is dead now

Nutmeg23Man: i have to go outside and bury his body

BSexybabe12345: what about minny she is all wet and needs her micky

BSexybabe12345: ok

BSexybabe12345: but

BSexybabe12345: minny is goign to dry up

Nutmeg23Man: donald duck walks in

BSexybabe12345: and

Nutmeg23Man: donald duck starts chomping on your clit with his bill

Nutmeg23Man: im still burying goofy

BSexybabe12345: oooooooo

BSexybabe12345: oooooooo

BSexybabe12345: ooooo

BSexybabe12345: o

BSexybabe12345: ooooo

BSexybabe12345: that feels so good

Nutmeg23Man: i walk back in

Nutmeg23Man: i see donald having his way with you

BSexybabe12345: and

Nutmeg23Man: i pull out a rifle

Nutmeg23Man: i shoot him

BSexybabe12345: ok

Nutmeg23Man: i roast him

BSexybabe12345: ok

Nutmeg23Man: roast duck

Nutmeg23Man: yummy!!!

Nutmeg23Man: you want some?

Nutmeg23Man: you want some roast duck?

Nutmeg23Man: its really good

Nutmeg23Man: well fine then more roast duck for me

 

This one is better than my other ones.

[Guest SweetNSexyDiva]

These are friggin hilarious!

[Guest EMAXSAUN]

Nutmeg23Man: put on that minnie mouse costume in the corner

BSexybabe12345: ok

BSexybabe12345: i am getting naked

BSexybabe12345: and now i am putting on the costume

Nutmeg23Man: i put on a pluto costume

BSexybabe12345: ok

Nutmeg23Man: get down on all fours

BSexybabe12345: ok

Nutmeg23Man: im doing you doggy style now

Nutmeg23Man: cause pluto always wanted to fuck minnie

BSexybabe12345: oooooooooo

BSexybabe12345: oooooooo

BSexybabe12345: harder

BSexybabe12345: harder

Nutmeg23Man: my friend walks in wearing a goofy costume

Nutmeg23Man: i step off and give him a turn on you

Nutmeg23Man: you like doggy fucking?

BSexybabe12345: ya

Nutmeg23Man: i take off the pluto costume and put on a mickey costume

BSexybabe12345: nice

Nutmeg23Man: i get jealous of goofy and i kick his ass

BSexybabe12345: even better

Nutmeg23Man: i kick him in the balls

BSexybabe12345: well dont spend all u time with him and forget about wet minny

Nutmeg23Man: goofy is dead now

Nutmeg23Man: i have to go outside and bury his body

BSexybabe12345: what about minny she is all wet and needs her micky

BSexybabe12345: ok

BSexybabe12345: but

BSexybabe12345: minny is goign to dry up

Nutmeg23Man: donald duck walks in

BSexybabe12345: and

Nutmeg23Man: donald duck starts chomping on your clit with his bill

Nutmeg23Man: im still burying goofy

BSexybabe12345: oooooooo

BSexybabe12345: oooooooo

BSexybabe12345: ooooo

BSexybabe12345: o

BSexybabe12345: ooooo

BSexybabe12345: that feels so good

Nutmeg23Man: i walk back in

Nutmeg23Man: i see donald having his way with you

BSexybabe12345: and

Nutmeg23Man: i pull out a rifle

Nutmeg23Man: i shoot him

BSexybabe12345: ok

Nutmeg23Man: i roast him

BSexybabe12345: ok

Nutmeg23Man: roast duck

Nutmeg23Man: yummy!!!

Nutmeg23Man: you want some?

Nutmeg23Man: you want some roast duck?

Nutmeg23Man: its really good

Nutmeg23Man: well fine then more roast duck for me

 

This one is better than my other ones.

[Guest EMAXSAUN]

[Guest HartFan86]

LMAO @ Minnie/Mickey/Goofy/Donald one.