I don't care what you Nash fans say...

[Guest Anglesault]

This man MUST, MUST, MUST figure out a way to run. And now. Or just retire.

 

Putting aside everything else that's wrong wih Nash, these "walk-ins" just look absolutely terrible.

 

Every week at the end of the show, Evilution is beating someone down, and the crowd is screaming for someone to rescue them. So Nash comes out. But does he show any sense of urgency? Absolutely not, because he's WALKING!

 

And then HHH starts running away, and it looks like the bimbo who is 300 yards in front of the powerwalking Michael Myers in Halloween. It just doesn't work.

 

I DARE someone to give me a good reason why Nash's inability to run is useful.

[Murmuring Beast 0]

Nash is a cripple.

 

You can only walk and get away with it if you are Andre The Giant. Nash isn't.

[Guest Austin3164life]

Perhaps they don't want his soggy ass creating dent marks on the steel rampways if he were to sprint down to the ring.

[The Dames 0]

It's time for another segment where Dames explains all.

 

It's the anticipation of the pain. Jason Voorhees didn't always walk slowly towards his prey...but after Friday the 13th Part VI, he did and it added dramatic effect and impact to the chase scene.

 

HHH = Stupid Random White Girl Falling Down.

 

Now, despite what you all may believe, Jason is actually the hero of these movies. You cheer for him to kill the teenage idiots...because that's what you pay for. Therefore, since Nash is a babyface, he's giving the fans exactly what they want. The thrill of the chase.

 

Literally.

 

Dames

[Guest razazteca]

But Jason has the cool music................Nash has, what, good hair?

[Guest The Flying Dutchman]

If you would like to know more about the subject of drama, please contact your local library.

[Guest oldschoolwrestling]

And then HHH starts running away, and it looks like the bimbo who is 300 yards in front of the powerwalking Michael Myers in Halloween. It just doesn't work.

Jamie Lee Curtis is no bimbo.

[Bored 0]

And then HHH starts running away, and it looks like the bimbo who is 300 yards in front of the powerwalking Michael Myers in Halloween. It just doesn't work.

Jamie Lee Curtis is no bimbo.

Your right...she's a hermaphrodite.

 

If Nash starts wearing a mask and starts chopping people to pieces then I'll become a fan.

[The Dames 0]

But Jason has the cool music................Nash has, what, good hair?

The strands of hair coming from Nash's mane are what drives him. It definitely says something about a man who takes such precious care of his long locks.

 

Nash's music does have a sort of "chi, chi, chi, ha, ha, ha" to it, but it's more like a slow train...coming at full speed to show you the full terror that is Kevin Nash's moveset.

 

Dames

[Guest The Flying Dutchman]

"chi, chi, chi, ha, ha, ha"

 

That kinda sounds like the beginning of Rey Misterio's music.

 

Who's that stabbin' out your eye?

J-A-Y, Jason wins, let's begin ...

[The Dames 0]

....says the man with the avatar of a misogynistic, homocidal maniac.

 

Dames

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

It's all Nashes way to make you THINK that he's a cripple, and then BAM! he comes on like wildfire.

 

Oh that Nash, he's so smart. Now, if he could only get a wheelchair he'd be set.

[Guest The Flying Dutchman]

Would you prefer something involving tentacles?

[The Dames 0]

Tentacles is one of those words that always make me laugh for some stupid reason. Oh, and udder.

 

Back to Nash anyway. Could you believe that this mountain of human molasses was actually a basketball player at one time?

 

Dames

[Guest Polish_Rifle]

And then HHH starts running away, and it looks like the bimbo who is 300 yards in front of the powerwalking Michael Myers in Halloween. It just doesn't work.

Jamie Lee Curtis is no bimbo.

Your right...she's a hermaphrodite.

 

If Nash starts wearing a mask and starts chopping people to pieces then I'll become a fan.

Then he would be Kane.

[The Dames 0]

Kane has never tried to hack people to death though, even though he's based on Michael Myers.

 

So, if we ever got the much anticipated Nash/Kane match, it would be Jason vs. Michael Myers, which is like Freddy vs. Jason, but without Freddy's charisma to make up for the terrible workrate and no-selling.

 

Dames

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

I'd like to see a video (or photos) or Nashs' first steps.

 

Mrs. Nash: Oh look! Kevie is starting to get up! This so cute! You can do it Kevie! You can do it! One foot at a time, one at a time baby, one at a time. Yes! YES! That's it!!! You're walking! WALKING! Frank! Frank! Get in here! Kevie is starting to walk!

 

Mr. Nash: WHAT IS IT!

 

Mrs. Nash: Look Frank, it's Kevie, and he's walking!

 

Mr. Nash: He's not walking you old bat, he's resting against the coffee table.

 

Mrs. Nash: Oh... well, he's still my special lil guy!

 

*picks Nash up*

 

Mrs. Nash: Don't you worry Kevie, you don't ever have to walk as long as there's someone to carry you.

 

Nash: *Yawn*

 

Mr. Nash: SONNOFABITCH!

[Guest The Flying Dutchman]

That's fucking brilliant.

[Guest Dynamite Kido]

HHH = Stupid Random White Girl Falling Down.

if that isn't the goddamn quote of the century I honestly don't know what is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Guest Lil Naitch]

Best..Thread..Ever!

I'm glad I'm not reading this at work, or I might have gotten in trouble

[Guest TheHHHGame]

Michael Myers > Nash > HHH > Everbody else!

[Guest Anglesault]

I have another question.

 

 

If you were the victim of the slow moving horror movie killer, and you realized that he's just walking, would you stop running and just start walking at the pace he's mvng at? In theory, he'll never catch you.

[Guest Trivia247]

Nash trying to Push the look of a Declining Andre at Wm7 who could all but hobble around ringside and couldn't even get in the ring is a Terrible thing to try and duplicate

 

If Nash isn't ready to fucking Run then he isn't ready for the Ring. If he is too fearful for the strain he may do to his legs...then he isn't ready for the ring.

 

Andre got more legit reason to hobble around than Nash does, Nash want to look pitiful then he can go back home.

[Guest AndrewTS]

I have another question.

 

 

If you were the victim of the slow moving horror movie killer, and you realized that he's just walking, would you stop running and just start walking at the pace he's mvng at? In theory, he'll never catch you.

Only if you both stay in frame. If you were to start running too far ahead, and thus strayed out of frame, the killer could catch you by simply appearing from ANYWHERE!

 

Once the killer is out of frame, he gains magical teleportation powers.

 

Even Tor Johnson could catch you that way (see: the Beast of Yucca Flats).

 

NASH HAS THIS POWER! Notice when Randy Orton laid out Nash in the back a couple Raws ago? Then SECONDS LATER he did his walk-in, looking perfectly fine? The camera was off him, so he was able to get up, right as rain, and teleport right behind the curtains at the entranceway.

[The Dames 0]

Andrew beat me to it, damn.

 

However...to realistically answer AS's questions, no, you would still need to run away from a slow movie serial killer.

 

Why?

 

The answer is simple. Humans get winded and they slow down. A guy like Jason...he's been dead for years! What does he need to slow down for? So, he'll continue to go at his pace and you'll start to slow down...and then he'll catch you.

 

Remember the Tortoise and the Hare? Jason is the motherfucking Tortoise and he always gets you.

 

Nash is a Tortoise.

 

Slow and steady wins the race...and the World Heavyweight Championship.

 

Dames

[Guest claydude14]

I wish Nash was on Smackdown! so he could powerbomb Angle like he powerbombed Big Show in WCW.

[Guest AndrewisyourHero]

I wish Nash was on Smackdown! so he could powerbomb Angle like he powerbombed Big Show in WCW.

[Guest Anglesault]

I wish Nash was on Smackdown! so he could powerbomb Angle like he powerbombed Big Show in WCW.

LOLOLOLOlooloLoloLoLoLoLo

[Guest evilhomer]

Thank you for explaining that teleportation thingy. I don't know why I never thought of that because I always wondered how someone 100 yards in front of the killer could run 5 times faster than said killer, and still lose 50 yards in the distance between them.

 

All hail TSM, answerer of all questions.

 

 

 

I almost fell off the couch laughing last night when I saw Nash do his "run"-in, my wife thought I lost my mind.

 

The walk in could have actually worked, if they hadn't created such an urgent need for help. If Nash's music hit just as HHH was getting back in the ring, the slow stalk of his prey ala Jason would be appropriate. But this is a little detail, and they have nobody to pay any attention to the little details.

[Rob E Dangerously 0]

The difference between Jason and the dumb kids and Nash and HHH.

 

Nash doesn't kill HHH