WWE Rule Book

[KTID 0]

From Online Onslaught.com:

 

***

 

I. Championships and Eligibility

 

A. World Heavyweight Championship

 

1. This title shall be held exclusively by Hunter Hearst

Helmsley.

 

2. Exceptions to rule IA1 shall be made under the

following circumstances:

a) longtime friends of Hunter Hearst Helmsley,

b) any person designated as a member of the Clique, or

c) the death of Hunter Hearst Helmsley.

 

Title reigns falling under these provisions shall not

exceed one (1) month. Injuries incurred on Helmsley's

part shall not result in loss of the title.

 

3. This title shall be defended at least once per month,

against any of the following opponents:

a) longtime friends of Hunter Hearst Helmsley,

b) any wrestler who qualifies for the cruiserweight

division, or

c) an upper midcarder with great popularity, such as

Booker T. Matches against this type of opponent

shall end either in a disqualification, no contest, or

a Helmsley win via interference or cheating.

 

B. WWE Championship

 

1. This title may be held by any of the following

competitors:

 

a) Brock Lesnar

b) Kurt Angle

 

One(1)-month title reigns shall be allowed to the Big

Show for variation in the title picture.

 

2. Any challengers for this title may not win.

 

C. Intercontinental, U.S., Tag Team, and Cruiserweight

Championships

 

1. These titles shall be allowed brief moments of perceived

importance or popularity.

 

2. At all other times, these titles shall remain meaningless.

 

D. Women's Championship

 

The Women's Title shall always remain meaningless.

 

II. Babyfaces and Heels

 

A. Babyfaces

 

1. Babyfaces shall not be allowed

 

a) to cheat, unless the babyface is either first

provoked by a heel or is named Eddie Guerrero

b) to cleanly defeat Triple H. Clean wins over Triple

H may only occur in

1) a tag team match, or

2) a non-title match.

 

Exceptions shall be made in circumstances outlined

in rules IA3(a), IA3(b), and IA3©.

 

B. Heels

 

1. Heels shall be allowed to cheat under any circumstances,

be it by trickery or through the use of foreign objects.

Such objects include, but are not limited to:

 

a) sledgehammers

b) steel chairs

c) title belts

d) trash cans and lids

e) 2x4s

f) barbed wire

g) a combination of (e) and (f)

h) forklifts

i) zambonis

j) steel pipes

k) coffee

l) fire extinguishers

m) street signs

n) the ring bell

o) brass knuckles

p) beer cans or bottles

q) tables

r) ladders

s) prosthetic limbs, or

t) bibles.

 

2. Though it is not a requirement, female heels are

encouraged to look as ugly as possible.

 

III. Individual Wrestlers: Requirements and Regulations

 

A. Ric Flair

 

Ric Flair is required to bleed in all confrontations, be it a

match, ringside scuffle, or backstage fight. The amount of

blood shed shall directly relate to the intensity of the

feud.

 

B. Rob Van Dam

 

Rob Van Dam may not participate in an interview/promo

without first smoking a significant amount of marijuana.

 

C. Divas

 

All divas, except those falling under the "ugly clause"

outlined in rule IIB2, may not wear outfits covering more than thirty-five (35) percent of their bodies.

 

D. Kevin Nash

 

1. Kevin Nash shall not be allowed on television before first

deep-conditioning his hair.

2. Nash may not approach the ring at any pace faster than

that of a leisurely stroll.

 

E. Chris Jericho

 

Chris Jericho shall not, under any circumstances, cleanly win

a wrestling match.

 

F. Hulk Hogan/Mr. America

 

Hulk Hogan/Mr. America shall not include any phrases in his

promos or interviews that were not introduced at least

fifteen (15) years ago. New catchphrases and/or wrestling

moves are strictly forbidden. Omission of the word "brother"

is not allowed.

 

G. Chris Benoit

 

Chris Benoit is required to:

1. display technical mastery in the ring, and

2. never hold a major singles title.

 

H. Eddie Guerrero

 

See "Chris Benoit."

 

I. Vince McMahon

 

In the event that Mr. McMahon should develop a "great idea

for a storyline," the past build-up of any wrestler's

character and/or gimmick shall become null and void.

 

J. Brock Lesnar

 

Brock Lesnar is allowed to exhibit two (2) facial expressions:

1. "intense stare," and

2. "happy grin."

 

Any other personality traits are strictly forbidden.

 

K. Bill Goldberg

 

See "Brock Lesnar," with omission of stipulation IIIJ2.

 

L. Jerry Lawler

 

Jerry Lawler shall not be allowed to watch a women's

wrestling match without the inclusion of the word

"puppies."

 

Repeated use is encouraged.

 

IV. Internet Wrestling Columnists

 

Internet wrestling columnists shall be allowed to exhibit the

following traits in their work:

 

A. Fanaticism for Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, Kurt Angle,

Chris Jericho, John Cena, and the cruiserweight division.

 

B. Cynicism.

 

C. Negativity.

 

D. Hatred for Triple H.

 

E. Hatred for any McMahon whose first name is not Shane.

 

F. Overblown egos.

 

G. Advocacy for retiring any wrestler over the age of thirty-five

(35), except those listed in rule IVA.

 

H. Hatred of columnists on other wrestling sites.

 

I. References to the author's personal life.

 

J. Inane nicknames for the wrestlers. "Cripple H" and "Big Slow"

are encouraged.

 

K. Hatred for any episode of Raw or Smackdown! that does not

contain "enough" wrestling, regardless of its

entertainment value.

 

Positivity, enjoyment of the WWE product, and "marking out"

are strictly forbidden.

[TheFranchise 0]

'IV. Internet Wrestling Columnists '

 

I always thought IWC stood for Internet Wrestling Community.

 

Huh.

[Guest ftwdevils2469]

A4. The Champion and his Challenger for that Month must not be on TV any less then 20 Minutes

[Guest AndrewTS]

RVDmark4:20 will make a post that attempts to be funny but fails.

 

The WWE shall book on the whims of the McMahons and veteran stars alone.

 

It will remain more fun to mock the WWE than to actually watch it.

[Guest BifEverchad]

        D. Kevin Nash

 

            1. Kevin Nash shall not be allowed on television before first

                deep-conditioning his hair.

            2. Nash may not approach the ring at any pace faster than

                that of a leisurely stroll. 

I laughed so hard when I read that.

 

[ChrisMWaters 0]

You know for a minute, I thought someone had found a printed, kafaybe version of a WWE Rule Book...

 

Silly me, I should have known better.

 

...OK, I was just thinking that from back at WrestleMania 15 (BRING WRESTLEMANIA BACK TO PHILLY, DAMNIT!) when Michaels mentioned that McMahon should have read the WWF Rule Book...

[Guest INXS]

Positivity, enjoyment of the WWE product, and "marking out" are strictly forbidden.

What if Nash re-tears their quad tomorrow night and I mark out?

[Guest JHawk]

Any TV match lasting more than three minutes has gone too long and will thus cause another three minute match to be cut short.

[Guest Austin3164life]

Section X

 

A. Logic

-Any storyline that is clearly logical and will surely create a buzz among internet fans is strictly forbidden.

[Guest Kingpk]

Section VI: "The Birthday Cake Rule"

 

A. Any reward for accomplishment that is NOT a championship belt (including trophies and framed pictures) MUST be destroyed by a heel or a tag team that doesn't get along

 

a) This rule does NOT apply to plaques, for some reason

 

B. Any food that is brought to ringside (or into the ring iteslf) will never be used for eating, unless one wrestler forces it down his/her oppontent's throat.

 

a) Birthday cakes (or any type of cake) must ALWAYS be shoved into a wrestler's face. There are NO EXCEPTIONS!

[Guest TonyJaymzV1]

what about the Cactus Jack/ Abbdullah The Bucther incident? It was an interview where Cake was eaten but noone was shoved into it.

[TheFranchise 0]

what about the Cactus Jack/ Abbdullah The Bucther incident? It was an interview where Cake was eaten but noone was shoved into it.

Yes, but only Cactus could pull off actally EATING the cake.

[Guest undisputedjericho]

D2: Women's matches must always appear on a PPV card between the second most hyped match and main event, killing the crowd dead.

[Adam 0]

M. Booker T.

1. Booker must not be in a match with out doing a Spinnerooni

2. Booker must never beat Triple H for the World Championship

3. Booker must never complete a promo without using the word 'Sucka'

[Guest Polish_Rifle]

Thou shall not criticize the writing team and especially Stephanie McMahon.

[ChrisMWaters 0]

what about the Cactus Jack/ Abbdullah The Bucther incident? It was an interview where Cake was eaten but noone was shoved into it.

That was WCW, so it doesn't apply.

[Adam 0]

Thou shall not critisize any member of the writing team, even if you are a part of it*

 

*Does not apply to S. McMahon, V. McMahon, B. Gerwitz, P. Levesque.

[Guest Ace309]

Under no circumstances may Tommy Dreamer become respectable.

[Adam 0]

Under no circumstances may Chris Jericho be made to seem anywhere near the level of Goldberg, and under no circumstances may Goldberg sell ANYTHING Jericho does (yes, I am bitter).

[Guest undisputedjericho]

There always must be some sort of "evil" authority figure who gets his in the end. (See McMahon, Vince; Owner; CEO; Commissioner; Chief of Staff; General Manager) Always makes tag matches as TV main events.

 

Whenever there is a face authority figure, he always must book TV main events as tag matches also, and PPV matches that seemingly favor the face. (See Foley, Mick; Austin, Steve; McMahon, Linda)

[Guest AndrewTS]

Torrie Wilson will be required to be implied to be fucking 10 wrestlers per month, as opposed to the 300 she does in real life.

 

Torrie always wins unless the odds are extremely overwhelming.

[Guest undisputedjericho]

As time goes by, Kane becomes less and less scarred.

 

Everyone gets his name, likeness, or catchphrase on every piece of crap imaginable for Shopzone.com. (T, Booker: Stuffed dog)

 

ALWAYS exploit something in everyway you can, for as long as you can, in as many ways as you can. (America, Mr; Angle, Kurt: Baldness of)

 

Cheap heat is the best heat. Insult or praise local sports teams or local culture is an absolute must.

[Guest Polish_Rifle]

Championship contenders who are deemed unworthy by HHH shall be deported to Sunday Night Heat.

 

JR and King shall never consistently call every match that is taking place during a broadcast. Instead they must put over storylines that have nothing to do with what we are ACTUALLY seeing in the ring.

[Guest CanadianChick]

Torrie Wilson will be required to be implied to be fucking 10 wrestlers per month, as opposed to the 300 she does in real life.

 

Torrie always wins unless the odds are extremely overwhelming.

Bitter much?

[Guest undisputedjericho]

Though shall kick dirt on WCW at every given opportunity.

[Guest CanadianChick]

Home grown talent get about 5X more oppertunity than others.

[Guest JMA]

Anyone carrying a non US flag in the States will be considered an "Evil Foreigner."

 

Wrestlers with any Asian descent will receive similar music and be announced from "Japan" (no city).

[Guest Kingpk]

To avoid confusion, all Samoan wrestlers must provide complete and accurate flowcharts that state their relation to other Samoan wrestlers (brother/cousin/uncle/father/etc.)

[Guest Polish_Rifle]

When in Canada, JR must always explain to the viewing public at home why the "heels" are getting cheered and why people we're suppose to care about like Nash is getting booed.

[Guest TheAnvil]

        G. Chris Benoit 

 

            Chris Benoit is required to:

            1. display technical mastery in the ring, and

            2. never hold a major singles title.

I guess if by MAJOR Singles Title you mean WWE Heavyweight Title, because in my book, the InterContinental Title is a MAJOR Singles title.