Guest Nunzio Cardozo Report post Posted June 28, 2003 The latest newsbit regarding the Providence, Rhode Island Smackdown! brand house show: Torrie Wilson will be accompanying Billy Gunn to the ring for his match against Matt Hardy. More to come! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest HartFan86 Report post Posted June 28, 2003 Unfortunately, Gail Chang will no longer be appearing. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Detective Comics 0 Report post Posted June 28, 2003 Angle, Lesnar Injured, Expected To Work House Shows Posted By Widro on 06.27.03 Working through the pain... Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar, both nursing injuries, are both still expected to work Smackdown house shows this weekend. Angle reaggrevated a hamstring injury he suffered at Wrestlemania. Lesnar had a deep leg bruise suffered on a boating accident last week. Vince McMahon is also appearing at Smackdown house shows this weekend. Just thought I'd let you know Nunzio Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Mr Monday Night Report post Posted June 28, 2003 Angle, Lesnar Injured, Expected To Work House Shows Posted By Widro on 06.27.03 Working through the pain... Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar, both nursing injuries, are both still expected to work Smackdown house shows this weekend. Angle reaggrevated a hamstring injury he suffered at Wrestlemania. Lesnar had a deep leg bruise suffered on a boating accident last week. Vince McMahon is also appearing at Smackdown house shows this weekend. Just thought I'd let you know Nunzio Goon you fat peice of shit... why don't you grow up, stop pasting new bits from 411wrestling.com, and stop trying to act like your Mr Smart Mark. Let me tell you something, you can't say anything that Nunzio doesn't already know. So why don't you go beat off to the Ali Dunn Packer memorial slide show. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Nunzio Cardozo Report post Posted June 29, 2003 This is it, folks. This is my Smarkdown! rant for the Providence House show. There is no alternative. Welcome to Providence, RI! The entire upper section is empty. Only the floor and the lower section were sold. And even though only half of the arena was up for sale, they still didn't come close to selling it out. There is a ring in the middle of the venue floor, with two lamps erected on either side. There is no ramp, no Titantron, no nothing. But the intimate setting combined with the fact that this is a house show means we have V. Mac & Co. all to ourselves tonight. And hell, I'll take that any day over a stupid ramp and a shitty-ass Titantron. Wouldn't you? The ring announcer for tonight's Smackdown! brand house show is some guy. If it ain't the Fink or Lillan Fuck-cia, I could care less. We begin with the National Anthem. I started a "What!" chant between every line. First match up was Chris Benoit and Rhyno v. Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin. I kept yelling at Team Angle (which is now "The Best Damn Tag Team Ever" or some fag shit like that) to go back to France. I hope they heard me. Anyways, Benoit/Rhyno ended up winning, and after the match had a brief argument that never boiled over. I give the match two stars because Rhyno and "The Best Damn Tag Team Ever" had to carry Benoit, and it showed. ** Then, we were treated to Jamie Noble (with Nidia) v. Ultimo Dragon. I was hoping Jamie Noble would win, even though he said that us fans in Providence were po' folk. I say that because I really hate foreigners, especially Chinese ones. I give the match two stars. I would have given it three but Ultimo won. Tokyo-ass bitch. ** Next up was the much-anticipated three-way bikini contest between Nidia, Dawn Marie, and Torrie. The em-cee was Sable. I yelled something about Nidia's Jew-nose, but she didn't hear me. Unfortunately, Goldberg did, which is why he is standing in the corner of my room snarling and waiting for me to finish this rant so he can spear me through my computer. The contestants came out robed, and once all three were out, they were each given the opportunity to disrobe and show the fans their bikini-clad bodies. Afterward, Sable began the judging process. She disqualified Nidia by citing a rule in the WWE handbook regarding bikini contests. Bitch, the only rule is that you shut up and let me masturbate. Am I right, ladies? Sable then said that the fans in Providence want to see her goods, and much to the chagrin of many in attendance, she did indeed disrobe as well. Torrie was not to happy with this, and so she attacked Sable. This led to a catfight, which led to my subsequent ejaculation. I give this segment 5 stars for the astute in-ring psychology between Sable and Torrie. But hell, I was jerking off the entire time so what the fuck do I know. ***** The most anticipated match on the card had to be APA and Spanky v. FBI. It was great to see West Warwick's own Chuck Palumbo. I tried to start a "Station" chant but it never caught on. Bradshaw had bleached-blonde short hair, and I have to say it suits him well. It provides a contrast with the dark Farooq. You know how this one ended...CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL! 4 stars! **** Then, we had a fifteen-minute intermission. Note to Vince: this ain't a play. This is WW-fuckin'-E. Since the matches were one right after another, though, I didn't mind a little break from the action. We came back with Rey Mysterio v. Billy Kidman. Many considered this to be the best match of the night. I wouldn't know because I went to the bathroom then got a pretzel. By the time I got back, I saw the Mexican hit the Jew with the 619. Ho-hum. Next, we were treated to Billy Gunn (with Torrie Wilson) v. Mattitude. This was a really solid match. Billy Gunn's Mr. Ass gimmick coupled with Torrie Wilson's ass could really get people to forget that he's a fag. The last match before the main event was Cheat 2 Win v. Sean O'Haire and A-Train, or as I like to call them A-Train-o'-Hair. Get it? Think about it. The game is bad playa. Ain't it bad playa. Don't worry, Joe will change it back playa. Cheat 2 Win retained. Two stars! ** Before the main event, we were expecting a special guest appearance by Vince McMahon. In a classic WWE swerve, we got Brother Love instead. He talked about how people in Rhode Island needed healing, so he brought out Brian Gerwitz from Woonsocket, who was in a wheelchair and needed to be healed. So Brother Love did just that. Then he started talking about a man who was soulless and spineless. THEN THE MUSIC HITS! NO CHANCE! NO CHANCE IN HELL! HOLY SHIT! IT'S VINCE! AND HE IS PISSED AT BROTHER LOVE! PISSED AS ALL HELL! DOUBLE SWERVE HERE IN PROVIDENCE! Brother Love starts kissing his ass, but Vince ain't feeling it. Brother Love tries to heal Vince, but Vince ain't feeling that either. What he is feeling is a special guest! HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT! A THIRD GUEST, AND A THIRD SWERVE AS WELL! IT'S ZACH GOWAN AND HE IS READY TO KICK SOME ASS! KICK HIS ASS, ZACH! YOU CAN DO IT! 800-STRONG IN PROVIDENCE BELIEVE IN YOU ZACH! WE'RE ALL STANDING ON TWO FEET FOR YOU ZACH! GO GET HIM, KID! WHIP HIS ASS! GO DO WHAT YOU'VE WANTED TO DO FOR SO MANY WEEKS, ZACH! BRING THE CONTRACT HOME FOR ALL OF US ZACH! WE WANT YOU TO! WE WANT YOU TO BE IN THE WWE, DAMMIT! WHIP THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH'S ASS! BREAK A LEG, KID! We go through the motions of Vince asking Zach what he wants, and Zach responding that he wants a contract. Vince punks him out and takes his leg. Then, while Zach is down, Vince tells him he has 10 seconds to leave the ring. Vince and Brother Love turn around and start counting to ten. Zach gets up, climbs up on the turnbuckle, and when they turn around after 10, he jumps off onto both of them! YOU DID IT, ZACH! YOU GOT THAT BASTARD VINCE! HE DESERVED IT! HE GOT JUST WHAT HE DESERVED! IF YOU NEVER GET A CONTRACT AT LEAST YOU CAN LOOK YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR AND SAY "I WHIPPED VINCE MCMAHON'S ASS!" YOU DID IT, KID! FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR FANS! Then, he legdrops his plastic leg onto Vince! Brother Love pulls Vince out of the ring, and Zach reclaims his fake leg, and postures for the fans. YOU ARE THE FUTURE, KID! DON'T LET ANYBODY TAKE YOU DOWN! DON'T LET ANYBODY TELL YOU OTHERWISE! YOU ARE THE BRIGHT STAR IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING FEDERATION! WE NEED YOU, KID! YOU ARE THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA! THE SUN AND THE MOON! SHOOT YOURSELF TO THE STARS, KID! AND SEND DOWN A LITTLE STARDUST FOR ME, DAMMIT! A LITTLE ZACH GOWAN STARDUST IS ALL I NEED! Great segment. Brother Love was really a heat-killer, though. I have to subtract two stars for his sucktitude. *** Now, the main event. John Cena and Big Show v. Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar. Cena rapped that Kurt "sucks more than Cicilline," a reference to the Providence mayor who sucks on balls and eats dicks. The match was really good. Lesnar F5-ed Cena for the win. Four stars! **** All in all, a great show! And I got home just in time to watch the dead guy wrestle. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest AndrewTS Report post Posted June 29, 2003 The ring announcer for tonight's Smackdown! brand house show is some guy. If it ain't the Fink or Lillan Fuck-cia, I could care less. Indeed. She does a lousy job of it, but damnit if she isn't a fine piece of ass. She can put her mouth on my microphone any day. The entire upper section is empty. Only the floor and the lower section were sold. And even though only half of the arena was up for sale, they still didn't come close to selling it out. Keep up the good work, Vince! Next up was the much-anticipated three-way bikini contest between Nidia, Dawn Marie, and Torrie. The em-cee was Sable. I yelled something about Nidia's Jew-nose, but she didn't hear me. Unfortunately, Goldberg did, which is why he is standing in the corner of my room snarling and waiting for me to finish this rant so he can spear me through my computer. I don't think Nidia's Jewish, but damn, Fuck Goldberg heard you even though he isn't even on the SD roster? Geez, he just can not take the slightest criticism from fans, can he? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Mr Monday Night Report post Posted June 29, 2003 Priceless... absolutely priceless Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye Report post Posted June 29, 2003 *MARKS THE FUCK RIGHT OUT OF MY SEAT* Now THAT'S Nunzio. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest CanadianChick Report post Posted June 29, 2003 Before the main event, we were expecting a special guest appearance by Vince McMahon. In a classic WWE swerve, we got Brother Love instead. He talked about how people in Rhode Island needed healing, so he brought out Brian Gerwitz from Woonsocket, who was in a wheelchair and needed to be healed. So Brother Love did just that. Then he started talking about a man who was soulless and spineless. THEN THE MUSIC HITS! NO CHANCE! NO CHANCE IN HELL! HOLY SHIT! IT'S VINCE! AND HE IS PISSED AT BROTHER LOVE! PISSED AS ALL HELL! DOUBLE SWERVE HERE IN PROVIDENCE! Brother Love starts kissing his ass, but Vince ain't feeling it. Brother Love tries to heal Vince, but Vince ain't feeling that either. What he is feeling is a special guest! HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT! A THIRD GUEST, AND A THIRD SWERVE AS WELL! IT'S ZACH GOWAN AND HE IS READY TO KICK SOME ASS! KICK HIS ASS, ZACH! YOU CAN DO IT! 800-STRONG IN PROVIDENCE BELIEVE IN YOU ZACH! WE'RE ALL STANDING ON TWO FEET FOR YOU ZACH! GO GET HIM, KID! WHIP HIS ASS! GO DO WHAT YOU'VE WANTED TO DO FOR SO MANY WEEKS, ZACH! BRING THE CONTRACT HOME FOR ALL OF US ZACH! WE WANT YOU TO! WE WANT YOU TO BE IN THE WWE, DAMMIT! WHIP THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH'S ASS! BREAK A LEG, KID! We go through the motions of Vince asking Zach what he wants, and Zach responding that he wants a contract. Vince punks him out and takes his leg. Then, while Zach is down, Vince tells him he has 10 seconds to leave the ring. Vince and Brother Love turn around and start counting to ten. Zach gets up, climbs up on the turnbuckle, and when they turn around after 10, he jumps off onto both of them! YOU DID IT, ZACH! YOU GOT THAT BASTARD VINCE! HE DESERVED IT! HE GOT JUST WHAT HE DESERVED! IF YOU NEVER GET A CONTRACT AT LEAST YOU CAN LOOK YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR AND SAY "I WHIPPED VINCE MCMAHON'S ASS!" YOU DID IT, KID! FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR FANS! Then, he legdrops his plastic leg onto Vince! Brother Love pulls Vince out of the ring, and Zach reclaims his fake leg, and postures for the fans. YOU ARE THE FUTURE, KID! DON'T LET ANYBODY TAKE YOU DOWN! DON'T LET ANYBODY TELL YOU OTHERWISE! YOU ARE THE BRIGHT STAR IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING FEDERATION! WE NEED YOU, KID! YOU ARE THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA! THE SUN AND THE MOON! SHOOT YOURSELF TO THE STARS, KID! AND SEND DOWN A LITTLE STARDUST FOR ME, DAMMIT! A LITTLE ZACH GOWAN STARDUST IS ALL I NEED! Great segment. Brother Love was really a heat-killer, though. I have to subtract two stars for his sucktitude. *** Thank you for that. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom Viscount 0 Report post Posted June 29, 2003 I like that Nunzio went full tilt with his gimmick. At first he was just another sarcastic Smart Mark. Good job. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Adam 0 Report post Posted June 30, 2003 That rant about Gowen was fucking awesome. *MEGA MARKOUT* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Detective Comics 0 Report post Posted June 30, 2003 Eh, I was going to write up how I felt about the show, but I am tired, and it's a day late. People went crazy for Sable and McMahon though. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Blue Bacchus Report post Posted June 30, 2003 That was Awesome! I bow before the Nunzio! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
