The Malibu Review:License To Pin

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Feedback this, gang. It's a rip on SK's style, since he's supposed to be the Alpha Reviewer or something.

 

The Malibu Review:License To Pin

 

As promised, here is the long-awaited rant on the OAOAST's License To Pin. For those unfamiliar with the OAOAST, just think of your typical run of the mill e-fed. Then forget everything you know about it. Known for farout booking that includes evil twins doing action sequences on rooftops, sadistic midgets urinating on a Jackass-like star, and one of the most unanticipated title reigns in wrestling history (I'm looking at YOU, Alf!), they manage to keep the booking offbeat, yet consistent and SENSIBLE. Take THAT, WWE.

 

I didn't get to see this show live, but got many reports stating that it was just as good, some saying better, than the pinnacle of their PPV's, Anglemania 2. While I'm known to go on hearsay, I felt obligated to check this one out for myself, so strap 'em in (or in Popick's case, strap 'em on!) and let's take the ride down Rant Lane.

 

-Hilarious opening sequence, ripping on the James Bond/spy movie genre.

 

-Opening Match, OAOAST World Tag Team Titles:

The Trinity vs. The Dream Machines vs. Featured Attraction

 

The Dream Machines are the number one contenders from HeldDOWN~!, the OAOAST's Thursday show, while Featured Attraction are the number one contenders from the IntenseZone brand. The champions, of course, float. FA tonight is made up of "Shooter" Jay Darring, who is also the current North American/Puerto Rican Champion, and Shocker, while Sonic Youth accompanies them. Loved the cutoff at the entrance by The Dream Machines. It's the little things like that that add up and increase popularity in stars today. Now I WONDER who could take a lesson from these guys? Nice touch by having HeldDOWN~! announcer Michael Cole added to the match for commentary. Nice sequence with Stephen missing the dive and Parka nailing the frog splash for a near fall. We quicken up the pace and everyone starts dishing out finishers left and right, culminating in a DOUBLE CRUCIFIX POWERBOMB...for TWO! I bought that one as the finish. The Dream Machines battle back, and hit one of their finishers, The Deep Sleep, and now THEY get two, as Featured Attraction break up their pin attempt. FA go up, and hit the Fatal Attraction (old Hardyz Tidal Wave finisher), but Edward Robins comes back in, gets rid of both, and gets the pin on Peter Knight. Good, fast paced opener with some good near-falls, and it did it's job in getting the crowd pumped up. **3/4. It wouldn't be the last time we saw Stephen Joseph or ShooterJay tonight, however.

 

-Now that the match is over, we cut to...the credits!? I've heard of records and CD's skipping, but not PPV broadcasts. Oh wait, they're just trying to be artsy.

 

-Back in the arena, and JR starts running the show down, when he's interrupted by Jesse Ventura, who is actually Tony "The Body" in disguise. Tony makes a few heelish comments about not wanting to work in a two-bit town tonight, paving the way for Jesse "The Body" Ventura to arrive and help JR on commentating duties.

 

-AWESOME video package done to hype the upcoming X Title Match. I'm not the biggest U2 fan in the world, but for what they want to build the match as, it did it's job.

 

OAOAST X Title and NWA/UPW/Zero-One Jr. Heavyweight Title Career Match

 

K Money vs. Ragdoll

 

Michael Cole and The Coach are commentating for the HeldDOWN~! roster. Coach has gotten a lot better during his tenure here, and even has somewhat of an angle for himself (a crush on Crystal, the "Female Phenom"). He's better than Lawler, at least. Ragdoll actually gets a large face pop, more noticeable than the reaction that K Money gets, and I had figured Money would be the sentimental favorite here. Both guys BRING THE HATE~! by choking each other, which I suppose is continuity from all the living room brawls they had as kids. EXCELLENT spot where Ragdoll misses a chairshot, and it bounces off the ropes and hits him, and then Money follows up with a sweep that makes Ragdoll fall on his back, and the chair land on his face. That's just awesome. Money lifts a spot from the Jerry Lynn/Steve Corino match a few years back by using Ragdoll's blood to paint "Fuck You" on his chest. It's a bit more acceptable than Lynn's request of "Die". It's nearly 15 minutes in, and we get the first pin attempt of the match, after Money connects with a DDT, getting 2. After a chokefest, followed by a sentimental moment, Money nails the Showstopper, only getting 2 off of it. Ragdoll counters Sliced Bread #3 with Sliced Bread #2 in another great spot, though I wonder how the previous version of something is able to counteract a "new and improved" version. Just sayin'. A BARBED WIRE DEVIL DOLL gets busted out, and the FORESHADOWING from earlier brings us to a point where Ragdoll writes "Die" on his chest with Money's blood. I really hope Mama Money (or is it Mama Ragdoll? Moneydoll?) isn't watching this one. Ragdoll stalks Josie as K Money sells death, but then gets BLASTED with a superkick out of nowhere from The Showstopper! Money follows up with his OWN version of the Devil Doll...FOR TWO!!!! I honestly thought that was it. K Money sets Ragdoll up for the Showstopper, but Ragdoll goes low, then hits his OWN Showstopper ONTO THE BARBED WIRE for the three count to get the pin and the X Title! Post-match, Ragdoll cuts a promo effectively marking the full-fledged heel turn they built to throughout the match, and then headbutts Money's face several times, bashing his nose right in. Medics hit the ring to assist K Money, who's outta here. ****3/4 match, a little slow at times with the choking, though it built well to show that sibling rivalry vibe. The rest of the match was awesome, kept a great pace, and made Ragdoll into a star overnight.

 

-Weirdness ensues as The Dark Goblin, aka Spider Poet's evil twin brother, shows up with Black Widow draped over his shoulder.

 

-Edward Robins comes out for a promo, which helps settle the crowd down after the first two matches. Robins discusses The Trinity, going all the way back to the beginning and the Los Infernales era of the stable. It seems like they hinted at a split with he and Robins here.

 

Street Fight:Mystery Eskimo vs. Jailbait

 

I'll be the first to admit it: I've been an Eskimo mark since he had Derek The Fish in his corner. For those unfamiliar, no there was not a manager named Derek The Fish. Derek actually WAS a fish, and one with a drinking problem that rivalled Ted Kennedy. Made for good TV though. Jailbait is recently back after a bit of a layover, and these two have had quite the feud, culminating in this match. Jailbait goes for some quick pins, but gets rebuked by Eskimo. They brawl to the outside, and Eskimo takes over, coming off the barricade with Tornado DDT, and Jailbait hit HARD. I'm talking an RVD style bump on CONCRETE. That's just not right. Eskimo shoves the medics away and goes to town on Jailbait, sending him through a popcorn machine facefirst, and then hitting a Frog Splash from the TOP OF THE CONCESSION STAND~! Jailbait comes back by TOSSING ESKIMO ONTO A GRILL~!? Go ahead, make all the fried fish jokes you want, but that was NUTS! They brawl to the outside of the arena, where Jailbait hits a pumphandle slam onto the windsheild of Jesse Ventura's car! Great, good job Jailbait, bring another guy out of retirement. As if he's reading my mind, Jesse arrives on the scene, pushing Eskimo out of the way as Jailbait was going to run him over. Jailbait somehow makes it to the ring (despite driving the car into the outside of the arena...isn't that considered leaving the scene of an accident?) and Ventura follows, stomping a mudhole in him, before Eskimo crushes him in the corner, and then hits an Icebreaker...for two!? That probably should have been the finish. You have a guy get DDT'd on the floor, sent headfirst through glass, frog splashed on the floor, AND get into a car accident, but he still kicks out? I want whatever he's on. Ventura disposes of Clarissa, while Eskimo hits a Killer Whale Plex, but is too dazed to cover. Eskie rolls over and covers at the count of 8, but before the ref hits three, the lights go out. When they come back on, Eskimo is covered in blood, thanks to THE BROOD~! Haha, gotcha. Seriously, about ten thugs start wailing on Eskimo, and hold him down while Jailbait recovers, and scores with a baseball bat shot to the head for the victory. **1/2. Nothing offensive and somewhat short, but a heavy reliance on sick spots (which were visually cool and honestly insane) and an overbooked finish drag it down a bit.

 

-Backstage, Crystal is on the phone with Dames, as she snoops around a locker room. Knowing Dames, he probably brainwashed her into stealing the underwear of other women on the roster. That Dames is a kinky fellow.

 

K-Ness vs. Kyle Landis

 

Landis is one half of a split personality, along with Crazy Spot Monkey, and I would LOVE to see him/them go after the tag titles. Imagine the booking possibilities of that one! Quick, inoffensive match featuring a few near fall teases and submission in the early going. Landis blocks the Tiger Suplex '85, and counters with the Rolling Germans, but the time expires just as he goes for the pin. *1/2. What they did was fine, but it was too short to mean anything. Hopefully we'll get a rematch, because I liked what I saw, and Landis' gimmick is GOLD.

 

F13 Title:Reject vs. Orion vs. Bizarro Blurricane

 

So SpiderPoet has an evil brother, and Blurricane has an evil doppleganger. They should just have the big tag match to blow off both feuds, and confuse the fans at the same time. The heels work together, doubling up on Reject in the early going, and they do a nice spot where Bizarro belly to bellies Orion off the ropes, down onto Reject! Bizarro hits a Splash Mountain on Reject, but gets taken out by Orion, who goes for the pin on Reject, getting two. Reject fights back, and busts out the Cartwheel Moonsault a la Ruckus in CZW, getting two on Bizarro. Orion takes a page out of the Flair book, gouging Reject in the eyes and then rolling him up, using the ropes for a near fall. Ah, the classics never die. Orion hits knees on a LowDown attempt, but when Reject follows up with Rolling Thunder, Orion grabs a chair and holds it up for Reject to land on. Reject gets wailed on with the chair as if he's The Rock and Orion is Steve Austin at WMX7, and the Orion hits a Sitout Powerbomb onto the chair to end this one and retain his title. **1/4. Not bad, but Bizarro backing out sort of disrupted the flow for me.

 

Some Guy vs. Stephen Joseph

 

SJ is with us yet again, having competed in the Tag Title match, and having to face Anglesault after this. Nice counter sequence in the beginning, followed by what seems to be the 88th spear of the night. Not that I'm complaining mind you, it's better than watching Goldberg matches. More reversal goodness follows, and Some Guy gets two off a Some Splash. Stephen recovers, and he gets two off of a Finality. Some Guy then morphs into LUCHA GUY~! and hits a SWANK~! kip up rana, taking Stephen over. That's just so...(fill in positive adjective here). The action spills to the floor, and SJ gets STUFFED with a spinebuster from the apron TO THE FLOOR. Good lord, someone's gonna be in traction in the morning. Some Guy looks to finish off with the Some Kick, but it's dodged and SJ hits Finality out of nowhere, and cannot capitalize. I CAN CAPITALIZE, SEE? OK, bad joke. Back to the match, and both men are out, leading Edward Robins in to bump the ref and attack Some Guy, only to be thwarted by Caboose to a huge pop. Caboose is too busy with Edward, including hitting an End of the Line, to save Some Guy from the pinfall, and Stephen gets the cheap win. ***. Not a bad match, but it mainly served as a showcase for Some Guy's spots and to drag on the Trinity angle.

 

CWM/Caboose vs. Hex Machina/Naz Mistry

 

This match was supposed to take place on HeldDOWN~!, but didn't due to the alcoholism of two competitors. Imagine if the WWF were that brutally honest during Scott Hall's heyday? Could you imagine Vince McMahon sitting their at the commentary table, saying "Sorry kids, but Razor Ramon won't appear tonight due to being face down in a trash can after snorting a kilo by himself"? CWM and Caboose appear out of nowhere and it's a brawl to start. Hex has rapidly become one of my favorites on HeldDOWN~!, with a twisted gimmick that is cool simply because he doesn't TRY to be. Advice to Triple H:if you're a heel...ACT LIKE IT. Though it's too late to get people to care about you anyways. Naz nearly costs his team the match, and gets hurled into the stairs by HIS OWN PARTNER as a result. That's motivation, baby. Caboose goes for his version of a People's Elbow on Hex, but Naz runs in at the last second and superkicks him. Both guys out, and it's time to rally for the tags, as Naz and CWM both get tagged in. Heels start doubling up on CWM and preventing him from making the tag in true dickish fashion, and I wonder why THESE guys don't act as a full fledged hD~! team. While it wouldn't be right to put them against The Trinity (you'd either turn Hex and Naz face, or cause the blind marks to cheer Popick, and NO ONE wants that to go to his head ), however if a face team like Featured Attraction, Dream Machines, or even Toy Machine were to get the straps, Hex and Naz should be the first feud for them. CWM kicks out of a Hex pin, and rather than bitch, he just gets up and continues beating on him, then tags in to Naz quickly before tagging himself back in. PUSH THESE GUYS NOW, DAMMIT~! CWM gets nailed with a chair, and is saved by Caboose, and Hex takes the opportunity to nail CWM AGAIN! I'm in full mark mode here. Hex looks to finish with the Stardust Press, but CWM moves, and it's a 10 count to see who gets up first. CWM FINALLY makes the tag...AND IT'S DENIED! HEX DISTRACTED THE REF FROM SEEING IT! My God, this is an awesome match. Kudos to whoever booked this. Naz hits the Mystyfyer, and covers, but CWM kicks out at the LAST POSSIBLE SECOND, and my heart sinks back into my chest from my throat. CWM reverses a powerbomb to a Pollycutter, and FINALLY makes the hot tag, blowing the roof off the place. Caboose cleans house, and the faces are inches from victory, when Stephen Joseph comes down the aisle. Lord no, this match was moving along fine. Sure enough, Caboose goes against better judgement and heads for SJ, who runs off, hopefully so we can get a clean finish. CWM works on the heels, but gets nailed with Hex's reboot (somersault kick). Hex opts for the chair again, and measures CWM up, but Caboose is back with a Cricket Bat, and swings...nailing CWM as he gets up! Caboose attempts to rectify his mistake by helping, but catches a chairshot from Hex instead. The heels regroup, and the faces recover, then start pointing fingers at each other. Hex shoves Caboose into CWM, who spills to the floor, but Caboose fights back and lifts Hex for Emerald Fusion, only to have Naz save him. CWM enters the ring, and hits a Pollycutter on Caboose, putting an exclamation point on their argument, and Hex hits the N(X) Press for the pin. A great tag team match featuring awesome work by the heels and a face team that kept the crowd enthralled. I was worried as I thought Stephen Joseph would have something to do with the finish, but he didn't, and the heels won clean. Now, PUSH THIS TEAM! **** 1/4.

 

Axel promo, discussing how he'll make Brock Ausstin feel pain. Ever hear a Brock promo? Now THAT is pain.

 

Axel vs. Brock Ausstin

 

Ausstin is hit or miss, and Axel has looked good in the relatively short time he's been around. These feud is a runoff of the Brock/Crystal feud. Typical powermatch, as Brock tosses Axel around like a ragdoll (not Ragdoll) and locks on a bearhug. Axel fights back with a Sitout Powerbomb, and then goes on offense, getting a nearfall after what is best described as a gutwrench spun into a powerslam. Axel locks on a Single Leg Crab, and the ref misses the tapout as Heyross has him distracted. Axel makes the common mistake of letting go of the hold, and gives the big man time to recover, and Axel gets tossed with a belly to belly as result. Axel gets worked over, and positioned for the F5 Stunner, but rolls out and tries for an Axel Slam, but the only one who gets hit with anything is the ref, who goes down faster than Sunny does for a dimebag these days. Axel takes an F5 onto the chair, which would be enough to kill mortal men, but Axel is NOT QUITE HUMAN, and gets up soon after, and drops Brock with an Axel Slam on the chair. Axel drops onto Brock for the cover, and the ref wakes up just in time to count the fall. **. Good match based moreso around powermoves, but I could have lived without the ref bump and chair use at the end.

 

Elsewhere, SpiderPoet becomes the only guy on Earth who would get DRESSED (as opposed to "undressed") around Crystal.

 

Again elsewhere, K-Ness threatens to fuck Jay Darring's world up should he retain tonight.

 

Speaking of Darring, Jay visits FA valet Lauren, who was victimized by Tasteless Russo Angle #103, being a victim of apparent sexual assault by the Lightning Crew.

 

3 Stages Of Hell Match for the North American and Puerto Rican Championships: "Shooter" Jay Darring vs. Puerto Rican Lightning

 

Speaking of Russo, five bucks says if he were booking this company, he'd base Darring's character around Shooter McGavin from Happy Gilmore, and have all his promo's end in rhyme. Darring goes NUTS in the early going, smashing light tubes over PRL left and right, then dumps a bucket of shrapnel onto his back. PRL quickly taps soon after to Harsh Reality to avoid any further damage, and Darring is up by one!

 

Second Fall:This one is a Tables Match, for those keeping score. Mr. Boricua comes in to break Harsh Reality (which is still locked on) with a barbed wire bat shot, and PRL recovers to score with a spin kick. Rolling Germans, but PRL sells the arms and can't maintain the advantage. He asks for help in getting a table set up at ringside, and keeps trying to toss Jay over, but Darring keeps blocking. Low Blow and Annexation of Puerto Rico from the apron end this one, and puts the score at a tie of 1-1.

 

Third Fall:Cage match. More specifically, a CAGE OF DEATH, marking the first time ever this cage has been used. Should have advertised that one guys, could have gotten some more blood marks to cough up for the PPV. The cage is lowered and ELECTRIFIED, and as it's coming down Ted Weddy and company take Boricua away from ringside, leaving the announcers puzzled. PRL suplexes Jay, and tries to send him into the cage, but Jay slips out and launches PRL in, and imagine a mosquito getting stuck in a bug light. Only PRL is more annoying than most bugs. Jay hits a double arm DDT, and PRL kicks out at two! Darring busts out the thumbtacks, and PRL takes a German Suplex, then a FACE FIRST PANCAKE onto the thumbtacks, looking like Pinhead from Hellraiser, and I begin to question his sanity. I know he's not all there, but COME ON. PRL then continues the madness by KICKING OUT. Damn. He then counters Jay and hits his PR Nightmare...for TWO, as Darring kicked out after being dropped on the tacks. Insane. Pane of glass is placed on Jay, and an elbow onto the glass (smashing it over his body) only gets two. PRL starts climbing the non-electric wall, and Jay follows him up, then SHOVES HIM OFF AND TO THE FLOOR, with PRL crashing through the Spanish Announcers Table. At least they can't place the blame on Americans this time. Or Canadians. The referee leaves the ring, and goes to check on PRL, and determines him unable to continue,thus giving the fall and the match to Jay Darring. Jay heads up the ramp, where he's attacked by Reject, and it looks like we have a heel turn and a new challenger for Jay. **1/4. The bumps were sick and visually awesome, but the first few falls seemed way too short for what these guys can normally do, and the third fall was just sick bump after sick bump. Still, the near-death of PRL after what happened on IZ was a good blowoff to the feud.

 

The strangest, yet coolest segment of the year takes place, as the Goblin attempts to kill off Black Widow in the rafters, only to be saved by SpiderPoet, who literally comes out of nowhere, and lowers her to saftety using Caboose's harness. Goblin is none too pleased, but IZ GM The Dames appears, and LET'S THEM FIGHT~! Poet goes on the attack immediately, getting nearfalls off a German Suplex and a high cross body within the first minute. Poet stays on offense, pissing Goblin off so much that he MORPHS INTO AN UPGRADED VERSION OF HIMSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MATCH, and my Slurpee winds up in my lap. Now Goblin takes control, since this is GOBLIN 2.0 now, and uses a freakin' SUPER DDT...FOR 2!!! These guys are insane, one literally and both figuratively. Poet sells like an Avon Lady for Goblin, giving him a few more near falls before rolling out to the ring. Widow and Crystal console him, and he reveals that their father once told them about an ancient evil, and I seriously consider lifting some of this stuff for a movie script. If kids will sit through that lameass new Spy Kids movie, then how can you NOT love the supernatural warfare of two wrestlers, one a monster and the other based on comic book heroes? Not exactly Disney material, but the younger set will lap it up. Goblin attacks the women, and drags Widow into the ring for impending doom, but Poet gets up, perched on the top rope, and the ring EXPLODES with white pyro, sparks shooting everywhere. When the sparkling shower calms down, POET is upgraded as well, dubbing himself "SpiderBard", flying off with a blockbuster as the crowd goes APESHIT for this. Vince's Russo and McMahon take note: You want over the top gimmicks, you go ALL THE WAY. SP (or is it SB now?) then hits a SUPER TILDEBANG~! to put an exclamation point (and a ~) on the feud, getting the pinfall after one of the strangest segments in wrestling history. SpiderBard then disrobes Goblin (of his costume, though any other reason would have made this skit a bit unbearable) and he's hauled off by cops, as Widow and SB share a moment. ****. You want excellent storytelling, enough swerves to make sense and keep your attention, AND workrate? Then you NEED this match.

 

Anglesault vs. Stephen Joseph

 

This is SJ's third match, though he's also made an appearance in the Caboose/CWM vs. Hex/Naz match as a diversion. The Anglesault face turn seems to be working, as Stephen was definitely the guy to do it against. I'm all for it as AS needed something to do after the Some Guy feud was over, and now there are enough heels on hD~! (Ragdoll, Shattered Dreams, Hex, Totally Endorsed) to give him fresh matchups. SJ springs in to attack before the bell, and gets superkicked for his trouble, though the match is not officially underway. AS goes for him as the bell rings, and SJ hits a low blow and a cradle, which makes sense as after 2 matches, he wants to get out of there fast. SJ keeps going for the quick pin, but Anglesault has none of it, kicking out most times at the count of one. Anglesault hits a modified Alabama Slam (or Mike Van Siclen's old Van Slaminator) for two. SJ sets AS up in the tree of woe, then dropkicks him in the face. He sets him up in seated position on the top rope, and hits a RELEASE GERMAN OFF OF THE TOP ROPE! Anglesault took the flip bump on that one, landing on his stomach and flying across the ring. Damn! Both guys get up at 7, and start fighting, with AS getting dumped. I always thought Popick was the first to get dumped? I kid, I kid. AS catches a pescado and uses a backbreaker, then rams him backfirst into the ringpost, before rolling him into the ring and getting a close fall. Anglesault goes for the Screams of No Reply, which targets the ankle, but then BECOMES MY NEW HERO after flipping forward, into a bridge, while holding the hold, making it more of a single leg crab type deal, and putting pressure on the back! That's wicked awesome! AS segues into a camel clutch, but SJ gets up with AS on him piggyback style, falling into the corner to break it, and rolls him up for two. Anglesault fights back, and goes OFF, hitting trademark spots left and right, culminating in a SaltSault, and once again here's Edward Robins to drag the referee away. Some Guy and Caboose run down to counteract, but Caboose gets in the ring and goes after SJ, finally getting his hands on him. Caboose wails away, despite AS' protest, and the referee calls for the DQ after what was shaping up to be a fine match. **1/4, as the story of SJ trying to get out of there ASAP and Anglesault tossing him around was fine, but it was too short and the bullshit ending dragged it down a lot.

 

OAOAST World Title Iron Man Match:

Zack Malibu vs. Shattered Dreams

 

This has a 60 minute time limit, and most falls in that time wins. Some people questioned the position of Shattered Dreams as the number one contender going into this, but the OAOAST has done a great job of marketing him as a prickish heel. I, for one, NEVER saw the Alison angle coming, but they used continuity and have made bastard heels out of Dreams and Alix, so you know this one is going to be heated. Zack makes his entrance, looking a bit more somber than usual, and Dreams sits on the ropes to allow Zack in. See, it's the little things that add up and make him look like the asshole heel they want. Big counter sequence to start, and Dreams hits the floor for some lovin', only to be wiped out with a Somersault Dive from Malibu. The commentators are just on fire here, questioning Zack's focus and why he's hitting moves like that so early into the match. They go back in, and Dreams tries for a Yakuza Kick (same move that knocked Zack out this past week, so there's 2 points for continuity and psychology), but Zack catches the foot, then tries for a Roaring Elbow, but that gets ducked and Dreams gets a one count off of a German Suplex. More brawling, and Dreams looks for the Rodeo Driver early, but gets sent over the ropes via Zack clothesline. Zack then powerbombs Dreams on the elevated ramp, and hits a dive over the ropes, but landing with a SPLASH onto Shattered Dreams! Dreams rolls under the ropes, back into the ring, and Zack follows in with a springboard clothesline, but gets dropkicked in midair for two. I love how Dreams is countering so much of Zack's offense, as it plays well to the story of the match. Dreams goes to work on the leg, and then dumps Zack, who SKINS THE CAT~!, but gets nailed with an INVERTED RANA, and pinned for the first fall!

 

Second Fall-Zack gets up and fights back, heading to the top. Alix holds his leg, allowing Dreams time to run up and knock him off balance. Dreams goes for a superplex, but Zack floats backwards and cradles him, stealing a pin and going 1-1.

 

Third Fall-Dreams argues with the ref, then crawls out of the ring for consolation from Alix Spezia. Zack tries for his Apron Run Clothesline, but gets dropkicked in midair on that attempt too. Dreams grabs a chair, but misses a shot and hits the post. They then brawl through the crowd, with Zack gaining the upper hand and tossing Dreams left and right. They brawl back into the ring, and Dreams counters a whip, sending Zack into Alix (who's holding the chair), and Zack stumbles into a somersault Samoan drop, then a Boston Crab by Dreams. Zack struggles, and won't give, so Dreams goes to the apron and hits a SPRINGBOARD KNEEDROP to the back, and goes right back to the Boston Crab. GREAT MOVE, and sure enough it's enough to make Zack tap. Dreams in the lead 2-1.

 

Fourth Fall-Dreams celebrates, and goes for a Rolling Thunder variant (landing in a splash rather than a senton) and gets nothing but knee. Zack then busts out La Magistral and tries for the pin, and then both guys try to one up the other. Zack ducks another Yakuza Kick attempt, using a sweep kick to take Dreams to the mat, and goes for a legdrop, but Dreams rolls out of the way. Dreams gets up, and grabs Zack's legs, going right into another Boston Crab, and Zack taps AGAIN. Great psychology in this match so far. Dreams is up 3-1 now.

 

Fifth Fall-Dreams just rolls Zack over and hooks the leg, knowing he's weary enough for the pin, and gets it. 4-1 Dreams.

 

Sixth Fall-Dreams goes to the corner to rest, while Zack is down. When Zack finally gets up (to a big pop), Dreams raises his finger, telling him to wait a minute. Man, I need a Shattered Dreams T-shirt ASAP. They do a corner reversal sequence (with Zack on the losing end), but Zack shoves Dreams off a monkey flip, then goes FLYING at him with a bicycle kick, getting 2. Snap suplex floatever gets two. Same move, same result. Zack goes for a third, but opts to drop him with a BRAINBUSTER, and the Guillotine Legdrop finishes Dreams off soon after. 4-2 Dreams.

 

Seventh Fall-Zack tries for another fall off the legdrop, but Dreams kicks out. Zack punches him down, then goes up again, but Alix is there to stop him, playing up the 2 on 1 odds now that Alison is gone. Dreams goes up and crotches Zack, with Zack facing the crowd, and tries for a SUPER INVERTED RANA, and in the move of the night, it's blocked, and Zack takes Dreams off the ropes with a SUPER INVERTED STYLES CLASH~! That was IN-SANE! The crowd is absolutely awestruck, and you KNOW that got the pin, bringing Zack up to 3 falls to Dreams' 4.

 

Eighth Fall-Alix drags Zack out of the ring, before he can get another fall to tie it up, then revives Dreams with smelling salts. That's a first. Dreams brings Zack back in and applies the chinlock, which is another nod to psychology since that's how Dreams became Number One Contender in the first place. Zack's arm falls twice, but he powers up, ramming Dreams back into the corner. Dreams is stunned, but comes and locks a sleeper on Zack immediately, continuing to wear him out! Sleeper reversal sequence, and then Dreams misses a kneedrop, allowing Zack to hit a Zack Attack for a close near fall. Zack hits the inverted atomic drop/lariat combo, again for 2. He looks for a butterfly suplex, but Dreams backdrops him over, and Alix slides a chair in RIGHT UNDER ZACK AS HE LANDS~! These two better win the Heels of the Year award or something. Dreams picks Zack up, and another reversal sequence ends when Dreams uses Zack's Rock Bottom Backbreaker on him, drawing huge boos. Dreams heads to the top rope for a chair-assisted moonsault, and MISSES, allowing Zack to get up and hit School's Out INTO THE CHAIR, knocking Dreams silly. Zack covers, and gets the pin! Match is tied at 4-4!

 

Ninth Fall-Alix comes in with a top rope splash onto Zack, preventing him from getting up! She starts clawing at him, until CANDIE (fresh off leaving Totally Endorsed this Thursday) runs out and makes the save, hitting Alix with a 619 and dragging her to the back! I certainly didn't expect that, but the crowd ate it up. Zack gets up, and Candie smiles from the ramp, and now the match is one on one (finally) around the 45 minute mark. Both men get up and trade shots, making it through the match with their bursts of energy. They both go up and Dreams looks for a super bulldog, but Zack elbows him down, dropping him to the apron. Dreams climbs up again, this time grabbing Zack press slam style, and Rocket Launching him ONTO THE RAMP...THROUGH THE RAMP!!! Good God Zack's dead. Michael Cole leaves the announce booth to sell this, as wrestlers and staff rush out. Randy Savage and Rick Martel try to help Zack out of the hole, but Dreams JUMPS IN VOLUNTARILY, nails both of them, and tosses Zack back up onto the ramp himself, dragging him back to the ring. What a dick. I LOVE IT! Dreams rolls Zack into the ring, despite everyone's protesting, and MAKES the referee count the fall, giving him the 5-4 edge.

 

Tenth Fall-Coach says that Dreams should just let time expire and be done with it, as he'll be the champion, but he drags Zack away from saftey AGAIN, and pins him, going up 6-4.

 

Eleventh Fall-Michael Cole hits the ring, attacking Dreams on behalf of Zack, and gets Rodeo Driver'd for his efforts. Zack is being loaded up on a stretcher in the ring, and Dreams shoves everyone aside, and knocks the stretcher over. He tosses it to the floor, and takes Zack, readying him for a Rodeo Driver, but Zack falls faint at his feet. Dreams reaches down to pick him up again, and SOMEHOW, Zack rolls him up with a small package to make this one 6-5! Dreams is shocked, the fans are shocked, and I nearly spit my Coke out, as I thought Zack was clinically dead.

 

Twelfth Fall-Two and a half minutes left. Faces from both brands have surrounded the ring, leading the cheers for Zack. He manages to fight back, getting a German Suplex, but his injured back can't hold the bridge, and he has to break. With thirty seconds left, Zack tries for School's Out with his last adrenaline rush, but it's CAUGHT...ENZUGIRI! Zack grabs Dreams quickly, as time is running down...POP DROP! The pin and the clock run down simultaneously...

 

AND ZACK GETS THE FALL WITH A SECOND TO SPARE! 6-6!!!

 

To say the crowd is rabid is an understatement. Tim Moysey takes the mic and says that in the case of a draw, we get Sudden Death. These guys look more like they're NEAR death. Moysey says the match can happen now, or on Thursday, and Zack, virtuous face that he is, opts for now.

 

Sudden Death-Schoolboy gets 2 for Zack. Small Package gets two. Dreams hits a spinebuster and quickly covers, and he only gets two. Dreams tries for ANOTHER Yakuza Kick, but his "can't hit it" streak continues as Zack counters with a dropkick to his leg, taking him out! Zack hits his OWN Yakuza Kick TO THE BACK OF DREAMS' HEAD, and then hits a School's Out for a nearfall that EVERYONE bought as the finish. I check my watch, and realize they've been fighting for over 70 minutes, and they're STILL going strong. Zack winds up getting tossed, and tries to skin the cat, but struggles with his hurt back, and Dreams spears him in the back, knocking him off the apron! He heads to the floor, getting Zack up and rubbing his face into the apron, then shoves him in under the bottom rope. Dreams heads up, and hits a swank looking Senton Bomb, making the cover...FOR TWO! ANOTHER ONE that we bought as the finish, and EVERYONE is on the edge of their seat, as these guys continue to amaze us. Zack KIPS UP~!, but SELLS THE BACK, and Dreams looks for the Kick, but it's CAUGHT...POP DROP! POP DROP BY MALIBU! NO!? A RODEO DRIVER! Zack makes the cover, looking exhausted, and the referee counts to three! Malibu retains!

 

Post-match, both guys get a standing ovation, as the face help Zack out of the ring (and no one comes to help Dreams, selling his snobbishness with a nice touch). These guys went balls to the wall for 80 minutes, and IMO, surpassed Zack's title win over Anglesault as MOTY thus far. *****

 

The Verdict:The only things that didn't allow this to surpass Anglemania 2 as PPV of the year so far was the atmosphere and match lengths. At AM2, everyone acted like every match meant something, and while nothing was noticeably bad (the lowest rating coming in at **, which is an average contest), the crowd wasn't super-hyper all night. Many matches were also kept short (understandable given the 80 minutes the main event was given), but didn't allow enough time for people to get into them. That aside, thumbs WAY UP for the OAOAST crew, as this was one hell of a show. When you've got 4 matches at **** and up, you know you've got a winner on your hands. Here's to hoping these guys keep it up.

Edited July 30, 2003 by Zack Malibu

[Guest Lightning Flik]

I'm not sure whether I should be from this being a spot on Scott Keith rant replica or you for making a hell of one.

[Guest The Superstar]

...

 

Waaaaaaaaaaay too generous on a lot of those ratings, Mr. Keithibu.

[Guest caboose]

I demand Retro Rants fot the old PPV's!

[Guest IDrinkRatsMilk]

Great, seeing as how you put me over huge. Really though, it was real cool.

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Great, seeing as how you put me over huge. Really though, it was real cool.

That tag match was seriously one of the highlights of the night for me reading it. If you're ever up to it IDRM, I was serious about how you should run a tag team angle with Hex and the Naz character.

[LaParkaYourCar 0]

I'm sorry I took everyone out of the F13 title match by having Bizarro walk out, but it was a plot device that had to be done.

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Zack, congrats, youre doing the malibu review every ppv now

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Time permitting, gladly.

[Guest Anglesault]

::Celebrational jig for writing a **match::

[Guest Angle-plex]

I demand Retro Rants fot the old PPV's!

Every match for Anglemania I would be below **. It would be hilarious.

 

Although the fun factor for that PPV was *****, no doubt.

[Guest y2jailbait]

2 1/2 stars? I agree with you on that one actually, nice job.

[Guest IDrinkRatsMilk]

Great, seeing as how you put me over huge. Really though, it was real cool.

That tag match was seriously one of the highlights of the night for me reading it. If you're ever up to it IDRM, I was serious about how you should run a tag team angle with Hex and the Naz character.

Caboose has given me free use of the Naz character, so yeah, that doesn't sound like a bad idea. I think I might do that pretty soon.

[Guest ShooterJay]

I was trying to go for the Benoit/Angle JD 2001 route with the 3way (where they took out each other in like 2 minutes and went straight to the ladder match), but I can see your point about how there could have been more detail in both falls.

 

I agree with pretty much all the ratings though, spot on. Look forward to reading more of them (hopefully)

[Guest SP-1]

Zack, thanks for the remarks about Poet/Goblin. I'm glad the consensus seems to be that I somehow made the absurdity of it work.

[Guest evenflowDDT]

...

 

It seems like they hinted at a split with he and Robins here.

 

You crazy smarks, always looking too deeply into things

 

Good stuff, but I think we need a second opinion

[Guest What?]

I got the second highest rated match of the PPV!

 

WHOO! I'm diggin' it!

 

 

Great job, Zack Keith...all you need to do now is put on 200 pounds and never leave the house, and you'll be an exact replica of him.

 

and good job of giving yourself ***** j/k, it was well deserved.

[Guest Mystery Eskimo]

...

 

Waaaaaaaaaaay too generous on a lot of those ratings, Mr. Keithibu.

It's all relative...

[Zack Malibu 0]

BUMP~! to inspire some more feedbackage these days!

[Ed Wood Caulfield 0]

I want a Malibu Review of AngleSlam 2006.

 

OR, if you want to do a Retro Rant...how about AngleMania III?