Remember that SNL skit...

[Yuna_Firerose 0]

I remember seeing an old SNL with Tim Curry that was pretty funny.

 

After the 23rd, I'm sure I'll have many, many fave skits of the show, since the 23rd is when they repeat the episode with Alan Cumming.

That episode is the worst Saturday Night Live that I ever had the unfortunate pleasure of seeing. That episode was so bad that I called NBC to complain about the poor quality of that miserable piece of trash disguised as a Saturday Night Live

What was so bad about it?

[Guest The Amazing Rando]

Steve Martin singing.

 

Are you referring to King Tut or the time in 1991 when he talked about the show being on cruise control?

 

 

Martin Short singing.

 

I assume you're referring to his 1996 monologue where he sang about hosting SNL? If so then great call- the Short show is one of my all time favourites and I love that monologue

1. Cruise Control ... when he thought about not doing it and then doing it and then not doing it and such...

 

there was the other monologue he did where he "split" ...that one didn't get over with me...

 

 

2. yes!

[Guest bob_barron]

A skit involving Lennon and McCartney opening up a fried chicken joint? No

 

The Culps miss on occasion. This was one of those occasions.

 

Dog Show is the worst recurring character ever created. I've never seen a Dog Show that didn't border on negative stars.

 

The Heat is On is the worst SNL skit I've ever seen

 

I turned off the show after that but Hello Dolly and a skit featuring Siegfried and Roy don't exactly set the world on fire

[Guest bob_barron]

Steve Martin singing.

 

Are you referring to King Tut or the time in 1991 when he talked about the show being on cruise control?

 

 

Martin Short singing.

 

I assume you're referring to his 1996 monologue where he sang about hosting SNL? If so then great call- the Short show is one of my all time favourites and I love that monologue

1. Cruise Control ... when he thought about not doing it and then doing it and then not doing it and such...

 

there was the other monologue he did where he "split" ...that one didn't get over with me...

 

 

2. yes!

open in Steve Martin's dressing room ]

 

Chris Farley: So, you remember when Bill Murray came.. when you were the Medieval Barber, when he came in and his legs were all broken.. after having to much mead?

 

Steve Martin: Yeah. What about it?

 

Chris Farley: That was awesome!

 

Steve Martin: That was a long time ago..

 

Victoria Jackson: [ running in ] Steve, want to run lines for our scene?

 

Steve Martin: [ annoyed that he's interrupted from reading his paper ] We have a sketch together? Is it on cue cards?

 

Victoria Jackson: I guess so..

 

Steve Martin: Then what's the problem?

 

Chris Farley: [ pulling up King Tut costume ] Mr. Martin? Before you go, I was wondering.. I found this in wardrobe, and I was wondering if you could sign it?

 

Steve Martin: My old King Tut costume.. I remember this. This was back when the show meant something.. Back when I used to care..

 

[ singing ]

Something's out there.. [ whistles ]

Something's in the air.. [ whistles ]

Don't know how, don't know why

Got a feeling tonight's the night I'm actually gonna tryyyyy..

 

[ Steve, Victoria and Chris Farley run into the hall ]

 

Not gonna phone it in tonight.

Not gonna go through the motions tonight.

This time I'm really gonna do the best I can.

Mr. Cue Card Man, put those down over there.

For some reason tonight, I care!

 

Victoria Jackson: You care?

 

Steve Martin: That's right!

 

[ steps in the middle of the audience ]

 

That's why I'm not gonna phone it in tonight.

Not gonna read my screenplay during the songs tonight.

 

I could walk through my parts and still be hilarious

I've done it so often before.

But look at these faces - look at this fat guy.

He wants more. He wants mo-o-o-o-ore!

 

Audience Member: Hey, I'm not that fat!

 

Steve Martin: Please.

 

So many times I faked, just because I could.

I'm that good!

But 20% won't do tonight..

 

Mike Myers: [ stepping out ] Mr. Martin, I'll do it for you tonight..

 

Julia Sweeney: [ steps out as Pat, but strips herself of the character and costume ]

Gonna do something different tonight.

Something says not to just do Pat tonight..

 

Tim Meadows:

I don't have any lines.

I'm not in the show.

But something tells me that if I were

I'd be raring to go-o-o-o-o!

 

Chris Farley:

Not gonna get liquored up tonight!

I'm not gonna have a drink tonight!

I'm not gonna drink ' til "Update" is through.

That's a promise to you, the viewer!

Yes, after the show, I'll drink 'til I spew.

But for now, I'm clearheaded for you!

 

Phil Hartman: [ steps out, holding up a wig and piece of make-up ]

I hide behind these wigs and this make-up

But tonight I'm gonna let myself shine through.

Yes, they're gonna see the real Phil Hartman tonight!

Steve Martin: I wouldn't do that, Phil.

Phil Hartman: Okay.

Steve Martin: Follow me, everyone! Let's go make an effort!

 

Not gonna have dead air tonight!

Gonna seem as if we care tonight!

 

Kevin Nealon: But, Steve, why do you care? Aren't you rich?

 

Steve Martin:

 

I'm worth $17 million

 

I could buy and sell you, and you and you, a thousand times over.

 

But tonight, there's a show to do!

 

Joe Dicso: Five minutes to Monologue, Mr. Martin!

 

Steve Martin: Thanks, Joe! [ dances off the set with the cast ]

 

Joe Dicso:

 

I can't ever get fired, I've got a Union job.

But somehow tonight it doesn't matter that I'm in with the mob..

Stagehands: [ dancin in ]

Gonna move our lardasses tonight.

We're gonna move our fat Teamster asses tonight..

 

[ Steve Martin and the cast dance past Lorne Michaels, who's recieving a pedicure ]

 

Lorne Michaels: Steve, what's going on?

 

Steve Martin: We're going to do our best tonight, Lorne!

 

Lorne Michaels: But, Steve, the show's on automatic pilot. I don't even come in until Saturday.

 

Steve Martin: Lorne, don't you see? That's not the way it was in the 70's. Back in the 70's, people cared. They believed in something! Now it's the 80's, and everything's yuppie, yuppie, yuppie.. spend, spend, spend!

 

Lorne Michaels: Steve, it's the 90's.

 

Steve Martin: Whatever. You see..

 

I've always wanted to see

How good I could be.

I just want to know.

Lorne Michaels:

Then go, Steve, go

And have a great sho-o-o-o-o-o-o-owwwwww!!

 

Steve Martin: Thanks, Lorne. [ walks down the hall ] I feel young again! I feel like I'm.. 38!

 

Cast:

We're gonna learn our lines, do our parts well

Then we'll go back to coasting

But not while Steve's host

'Cause.. we're..

Not gonna phone it in tonight.

Not gonna sleepwalk through tonight.

 

Steve Martin: I made it happen!

Cast: Steve made it happen!

Steve Martin: Now it's in sight!

Cast: Now it's in sight!

Steve Martin: Live, from New York.. [ stuck ] Line? [ Cue Card Man points to "It's New York!" on cue card ] ..it's Saturday Night!

[Guest Stunt Granny]

The Sienfeld/Oz skit is the funniest thing ever.

 

Jerry: You don't look so good.

 

Guy: Addabisie pricked me with an AIDS infected needle.

 

Jerry: Well.......good luck with ALL that. (walks away)

[Guest The Amazing Rando]

That episode was so bad that I called NBC to complain about the poor quality of that miserable piece of trash disguised as a Saturday Night Live

BB: Hello...yes...this is Bob Barr-

 

Operator: Just a moment please...

 

*to others*

 

Guys...it's Barron...and he sounds pissed!!

 

*others run*

 

Operator: How many I help you?

 

BB: Yeah...this SNL sucked...I can't believe you actually put this on the air...how could you be so stup-

 

Operator: I'm sorry sir...NBC has always had a reputation for quality programming and we assure you it will never happen again.

 

BB: Oh yeah...really....well why don't you get ME to host your stupid show and i'll blow the roof off the place... I'm Bob FUCKING Barron...and you just don't mess with that!

 

Operator: ...uhmm...I'll patch you in with Casting...

[Guest bob_barron]

Ha- I actually got an answering machine.

 

I said- I've been a fan for 5 years and last Saturday's show was the worst I've ever seen. If you continue to put out episodes like this- then you will lose a loyal and devoted fan

[Guest The Amazing Rando]

i'd still mark for SNL GOES BARRON~!

 

 

...i even have the perfect setup for THAT show...

[Guest Vern Gagne]

Dames could even make a special cameo appearance during the opening monologue.

[Guest The Amazing Rando]

here's how it goes down...

 

 

The week before Lorne announces that they couldn't find a host for next week but are looking...

 

The day comes and they announce that they couldn't find a host...then...from the audience pops up BOB BARRON... and he is like "Let Me Host, Lorne!" ...and after begging and pleading Lorne agrees...

 

so then Barron jumps on stage and starts talking about how this was his boyhood dream....and then....

 

Down comes Dames on a ZIPCORD!

 

Dames and Barron square off... as two other SNLers provide commentary for THE MATCH~!

 

Barron ends up winning "SurSer 97" style... with SKeith making an appearance and calling for the bell... only to be criminally assualted by Barron and Dames to the delight of everyone watching.

 

Dames then laughs and suggests a banning for Barron...but leaves quietly...though vowing revenge...

 

Barron: __________ is here tonight...and we've got a GREAT SHOW...why? Cause I'm Bob Barron...and you just don't mess with THAT~!

 

An SNL Title belt drops from the ceiling and Barron falls to his knees and cradles it WM12 style as the monologue fades out.

 

 

 

The Mysterious One will also make a cameo for Weekend Update. Oh Yeah!

[Guest bob_barron]

I don't think Lorne would make me host. He's kind of scared of me.

 

One time I asked why Canadiens spell defence with a 'c' and defensive with an 's'. Ever since then he's been kind of weird around me

[Guest The Amazing Rando]

...but...

 

 

...but...

 

 

 

THE BOYHOOD DREAM~!

[Guest bob_barron]

I also once made a joke about his kids getting molested when he walked by with them one time.

 

I guess he doesn't have as big a sense of humour as we thought

[Guest The Amazing Rando]

as much as i'd kill to see a Barron SNL...

 

 

...that's just cold.

 

 

New SNL Host: Anglesault......or me.

[Guest bob_barron]

I'd be killer on SNL. I would spend the whole time mocking Seth Meyers about the futility of the Boston Bruins and have these conversations with Lorne.

 

Lorne: I don't get it Bob.

Me: Well you see- Amy Poehler lifts up her shirt and flashes me- but her boobs are painted with the Toronto Maple Leafs logo.

Lorne: Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Me: The fans will laugh that someone has the Maple Leafs logo painted on their chest.

Lorne: Look I'm busy trying to get Will Ferrell to come back on the show- do whatever you want.

[Guest The Amazing Rando]

I would just want to do a MST3K ripoff... except done in Jimmy Fallon's basement and watching "From Justin To Kelly"

[Guest Dmann2000]

One for the Rock- Nicotrel

 

"You don't talk to Nicotrel like that!"

[Guest Dmann2000]

I always envisioned Austin getting to host once and doing a "Mango" skit.

[Guest bob_barron]

Austin was supposed to host in 2001 to plug X-7.

 

But Lorne got MEGA pissed at the WWF for the XFL Fiasco (XFL pushed back an SNL by an hour) and didn't want him to host

[Guest The Amazing Rando]

yeah...THE J'LO EPISODE~!

[Guest Nevermortal]

Bob, what about the Little Women skit when Satan saves all the kids from drowning?

 

That one was gold.

 

A few others I loved...

 

Any of the Goth Talk ones (especially the Gothic Prom)

 

Steve Buscemi doing Alice in Wonderland (I like to make little cars out of my poop!)

 

The Carribbean Bath Oil commercial with Tracy Morgan in dreadlocks carrying people around, naked covered in bubbles

 

And who can forget, Massive Headwound Harry!

[Guest chirs3]

All this talk of favorite skits... and no one mentions Jingleheimer Junction?!

[Guest wrestlingbs]

All this talk of favorite skits... and no one mentions Jingleheimer Junction?!

F...U...C...

 

Tim Meddows:NOOOOOO!

[Guest Dmann2000]

Austin was supposed to host in 2001 to plug X-7.

 

But Lorne got MEGA pissed at the WWF for the XFL Fiasco (XFL pushed back an SNL by an hour) and didn't want him to host

It was the J-Lo episode too.

[Guest Dmann2000]

I always liked the Uncle Jemima's Mash Liquor

[Guest bob_barron]

Austin was supposed to host in 2001 to plug X-7.

 

But Lorne got MEGA pissed at the WWF for the XFL Fiasco (XFL pushed back an SNL by an hour) and didn't want him to host

It was the J-Lo episode too.

Yea- It was sweeps months and J-Lo was starting to become all over the news at this point so Lorne expected big ratings. Instead the show bombed because of the XFL

[Guest EternallyLazy]

"with a name like mangled baby ducks... it has to be good"

 

lol

 

 

Anyway, I agree that Jimmy Fallon is extremely overrated. His impressions aren't that great, he ripped off Adam Sandlers singing weekend update guitarist gimmick, and he cracks up in almost everything he does

 

However... he is likeable. I can't hate him... it's just impossible to hate Jimmy Fallon

[Guest bob_barron]

Adam Sandler's songs are originals. Jimmy's songs are parodies.

 

That's the difference

[Guest Mattdotcom]

Bob, what's that in the sig? It looks vaguely familar...

 

And someone requested one of my favorite sketches that happens to have a cult following at my school...

 

Jimmy Tango's Fat Busters

 

Jimmy Tango.....Jim Carrey

Male Audience Member.....Fred Wolf

Female Client.....Nancy Walls

Male Client.....Will Ferrell

 

 

 

 

[ Jimmy Tango runs onto stage, wild-haired and spastic ]

Jimmy Tango: Hi! Do you recognize this tub of crap? [ shows image of fat, bloated man with tiny head ] That's me, three-and-a-half weeks ago! Since then, I've lost 155 pounds! [ claps ] Yes, you heard me right! I lost 155 pounds in less than three weeks! How did I lose all that gross fat? By combining the miracle of technology with ordinary street junkies! Producing this: Jimmy Tango's Fat Busters! [ studio audience applauds ] It's this simple: wear my patented vibrating heat-bead suit, then jam an unbelievable amount of pure, raw crystal meth into your system! You might ask, "Isn't crystal meth illegal?" You bet! But my scientist, Dr. Cody, spends his days in a tin shed deep inside a small canyon outside San Bernadino, constantly altering the scientific formula of a bathtub crank that keeps us one step ahead the law, and keeps you one step ahead of the fat farm! Fatties, here's my promise: wear my vibrating heat beads, while blasting down handfuls of crrystal meth, and you'll drop weight so fast you'll lose your mind! Any questions? You! [ points to audience member ]

 

Male Audience Member: Jimmy, I like what I hear, but even though I'm not a doctor, it sounds unhealthy. Does the kind of dramatic weight loss you describe have any side effects?

 

Jimmy Tango: [ makes spastic twitch ] You betcha! In my case, when I close my eyes, all I see are spiders and snails! My skin is clammy! My mouth is very dry! I think of suicide nonstop! And five minutes ago, I vomited the strangest colors into my stage manager's fanny pack! But you know what? The main side effect is, these days when I'm wearing a blue suit, and I yawn, people don't try to stuff a letter into my mouth! [ laughs uncontrollably ] Get off!! Folks, if you're serious about weight loss, then you shouldn't be afraid to.. "Ride The Snake!" [ "Ride The Snake" graphic zooms outward, spoken in a whisper ] Now! Let's talk to some of my clients! [ makes spastic jump into the audience, grinning at Female Client ] Hi, Olive Oyl! Have you always been so thin, hmm??

 

Female Client: No! I used to be a 220-pound land monster! And, in eight days, by "Riding The Snake".. [ "Ride The Snake" graphic zooms outward, spoken in a whisper ] ..I lost 124 pounds! I've never had a date in my life, but two days ago, I made out with Scott Baio at a party! [ studio audience applauds her achievements ] Jimmy, by using your method, I really lost weight fast! Probably too fast! The stress you put on my body made me slip into the bowels of a red nightmare! I sleep in my oven! My hair falls out in clumps! I cry when I see a tree! And I burn symbols into my housepets with a curling iron! But it's worth it, because, these days, when I'm wearing a black jumpsuit, I look like a closed umbrella! [ laughs ] Thank you, Jimmy!

 

Jimmy Tango: Hey, welcome to the club, Sliver! Start liking it! I lost 180 pounds in five days, and I'm.. ecstatic! [ jumps back on stage ] Let's hear from someone else! You-ou-ou-ou! [ points to Male Client in audience ]

 

Male Client: [ dressed in heat-bead suit ] I'm taking those speed pills of yours, and I'm wearing the vibrating heat beads, and by "Riding your Snake", not only have I lost 65 pounds in four days, but guess what? I found out I'm the Devil! And I will wash over the Earth, and the seas will run red with all the blood of all its sinners! I am reborn! And I've got YOU to thank, Jimmy Tango!

 

Jimmy Tango: [ hyper ] Sounds good! But talk is cheap! Scan me!

 

[ Jimmy holds his hand in front of Male Client, as they both growl and hiss at each other ]

 

Male Client: [ blood pouring fromhis head ] Aaagghhh!! Make it stop! Make it STOP, Jimmy!! Aaagghhhh!!

 

Jimmy Tango: Nice try, novice! But don't mess with the maestro! So, there you have it, folks! Use Jimmy Tango's method, and within days you'll drop more weight than a Tijuana crack whore! Hey! If you're a porky puke, don't be afraid! Come "Ride The Snake!" [ "Ride The Snake" graphic zooms outward, spoken in a whisper ] And you'll lose fat quick! If you dare!

 

[ fade out ]

[Guest teke184]

Has anyone mentioned Russell Simmons' Def Magic Show Jam or the Bensonhurt Dating Game yet? Two classics from the early 90s right there.