Byte This Report

[haVoc 0]

411's WWE Byte This Report: Acolytes, Hardcore Holly

 

A rather bizarre edition of everyone's favourite internet wrestling

 

Wow, what can be said about today’s Byte This! report? The show has never been, well, orderly – but today’s really took the biscuit…

 

It’s just gone the hour, and its time to chow down and Byte This!

 

Presented today by Josh Matthews and Bradshaw, looking splendid as a (natural?) blonde.

 

Bradshaw begins by pimping his new column, in which he discusses Howard Dean, subtly linking him with the KKK. After that begins a tirade of jokes with an official Blongo Estimation of 10% hitting their mark.

 

We’re joined by Droz, who wants to know how Josh got his job. The eternal funnyman Bradshaw suspects it had something to do with a casting couch. Also, if Josh sucked it would be an improvement. While on the subject of sucky Tough Enough failures, Bradshaw also wants to get rid of Nowinski, who has no ‘balsa’.

 

We’re joined by Tazz as well, and we begin the Byte This! Survivor Series predictions. On Team Angle vs. Team Lesnar - Bradshaw obviously picks his team, as does Droz. Tazz adds a little technical knowledge, observing that with Team Angle, you have the amateur skills of Angle, size and power from Bradshaw, a Japanese style from Benoit, and sheer rage from today’s guest Bob Holly. However, with Team Lesnar, you are getting size and power. Bradshaw adds that it will be a match against ‘Gas Pumps’ and ‘Potato Factories’! If you don’t get that last statement, shoot me an e-mail.

 

On the Undertaker vs. Vince McMahon – both Bradshaw and Droz pick the Deadman, but Tazz believes Vince has finally lost his mind and picks him.

 

On Jamie Noble vs. Tajiri – Droz sides with Noble, Tazz picks Tajiri, while Bradshaw again provides us with an insightful comment, suggesting that Josh go compete in the women’s division.

 

After a short debate, the guys decide to discuss a RAW match and pick Lita vs. Molly Holly. And here begins the first inane portion of the show, where Bradshaw and Tazz spend at least five minutes insulting Molly Holly and her apparent overweightness. Eventually Tazz picks Lita.

 

On Shane McMahon vs. Kane – Tazz goes for the Big Red Machine, and points out that there could be both a father and a son victory on the PPV.

 

Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff. Tazz wants Austin to win, just to see Coach beat up and eventually fired, along with – you guessed it – Josh Matthews.

 

Kevin from Connecticut asks if Bradshaw will ever open a business. He replies he used to run a travel agency but didn’t really like it. Also no chance of opening a wrestling school, as the guys in Louisville are doing a good job. And we have the obligatory OVW namecheck, but with an angle this week, as all of those named have already made it into the WWE!

 

Now, if you have got this far into this week’s Byte This! report, then you should heed this advice. Watch this segment of Byte This! I dare you to comprehend more than a quarter of what Farooq says. He’s obviously drunk off his tits, and goes through the natural progression of a drunkard – here on Byte This! I won’t be able to do it justice, as frankly, I didn’t understand it myself.

 

Nuggets of information gained from this segment, however, are that Bradshaw has bowel movements bigger than Josh while Farooq really wants Bradshaw to call Josh ‘big’. More importantly, the Acolytes will be spending Christmas in Iraq.

 

Farooq gets annoyed that Josh references the fact that he was the first African American World Champion, leading to Bradshaw suggesting Josh is a racist. Up until now, Farooq has been a happy drunk, but now enters the more thoughtful stage, and thanks Bradshaw for being the best partner and friend he’s ever had…ever.

 

Bradshaw wants to get Josh on his knees, and hopes the kid is wearing shin pads.

 

Farooq ends the craziness and leaves the show, while we watch a well made package on Hardcore Holly and are then joined by the man himself.

 

Hardcore Holly expresses his sympathy for Bradshaw having to spend time with Josh, while Bradshaw, obviously referring to his shin pads comment, wants to make Josh squeal.

 

On how he’s feeling, Bob answers that he’s doing well and had a good time in OVW. However, he doesn’t really trust the newcomers, as some of them can’t actually wrestle and he’ll probably end up killing them if they got in the ring.

 

As for another season of Tough Enough, Holly hasn’t heard anything – but would love to do it again. Onto the Tough Enough incident, neither Bradshaw or Holly can understand why he was vilified for bloodying the kid’s nose, as they both had to endure so much more when they were being introduced to the business. Holly feels that today the kids are being pampered, something Al Snow perhaps disagrees with.

 

On Hawk from Tough Enough, Holly believes he’s been ready for WWE as soon as he stepped in the ring, he would have won if he hadn’t quit.

 

On Survivor Series, Holly just wants to get in there with Brock, while Bradshaw promises the rest of the group will stay out of the way when that happens.

 

He would love to be WWE Champion – but Brock is first.

His thoughts on Crash Holly are he hates that it happened, but it’s your time, it’s your time.

 

He just hopes he is on the card for WrestleMania XX.

 

On why all the toughest guys are suffering neck injuries, the fans are a lot smarter these days. Whereas before when the wrestlers used to be able to grab a headlock to rest, today that would draw a ‘boring’ chant. You also have to keep doing new and more high-impact stuff to keep the crowd entertained – causing more injuries. The fans don’t realise that the wrestlers have been on the road for ages, and that every night has to be like the first.

 

Holly remembers the older guys saying that they had it more difficult as they used to wrestle for 80 minutes, while the younger guys only have to for eight. But Holly reckons they do more in those 8 minutes than the older guys did in their whole match!

 

Hardcore leaves while Bradshaw jokes that his book has been compared to the Bible.

 

Josh asks about Bradshaw’s former partner Barry Windham, who is now retired, and living with his lovely wife in South Georgia.

 

On whether John Cena is ready for a main event at WrestleMania – Bradshaw says people have really taken a liking to him, but it may be a little too early.

 

Bradshaw then goes into a Nagel-like rant on the Blue Meanie, and his wife – who supposedly had sex with 500 men in one day!

 

On the Smackdown Your Vote campaign, Bradshaw says he is involved to try and help the younger demographic get themselves some representation. Soon the older generation is going to have to transfer its power to the younger, and they are going to have to be ready to take it on.

 

Next week’s unconfirmed guests are Steven Richards and Eddie Guerrero.

 

End of show.

 

Credit: 411

[Mecha Mummy 0]

While I'm assuming he was joking about everything, or at least I hope so, seriously, Bradshaw is one to talk about sucking.

[OldSchoolWrestling 0]

His thoughts on Crash Holly are he hates that it happened, but it’s your time, it’s your time.

I can't believe this is all they gave Crash.

[haVoc 0]

On how he’s feeling, Bob answers that he’s doing well and had a good time in OVW. However, he doesn’t really trust the newcomers, as some of them can’t actually wrestle and he’ll probably end up killing them if they got in the ring.

And that attitude is how you got a broken neck, fuck face!

[AndrewTS 0]

Bradshaw then goes into a Nagel-like rant on the Blue Meanie, and his wife – who supposedly had sex with 500 men in one day!

 

Supposedly? She really did. It's on tape.

 

Holly remembers the older guys saying that they had it more difficult as they used to wrestle for 80 minutes, while the younger guys only have to for eight. But Holly reckons they do more in those 8 minutes than the older guys did in their whole match!

 

8 minutes? Not these days.

 

On the Smackdown Your Vote campaign, Bradshaw says he is involved to try and help the younger demographic get themselves some representation. Soon the older generation is going to have to transfer its power to the younger, and they are going to have to be ready to take it on.

 

And...VOTE REPUBLICAN NO MATTER WHAT!!

[EdwardKnoxII 0]

I hope Bradshaw was just joking with Josh but, knowing how he acts I doubt it. If I was Josh I'd quit before Bradshaw gets his hands on me.

 

On how he’s feeling, Bob answers that he’s doing well and had a good time in OVW. However, he doesn’t really trust the newcomers, as some of them can’t actually wrestle and he’ll probably end up killing them if they got in the ring.

 

 

Yeah like Holly killed that Brock kid right?

[Guest JMA]

Maybe Holly will try to start something with Matt Morgan next.