OAO Let's Bitch About Thanksgiving Thread

[Guest Choken One]

I already had family dinner the other day.

 

So THXDAY will be football all day long and leftover turkey sandwiches.

[OldSchoolWrestling 0]

Green Bay at Detroit, 12:30 pm

 

Miami at Dallas, 4:05 pm

As much as I love football, on Turkey Day this year, I just might have to pass on it. ESPN is showing the 2003 World Series of Poker from 12:30 until 7:30, and Fox Sports Net has another poker tourney on in the evening. I'll probably miss the latter one, though, since I'll be having dinner with my parents at a friend of the family's. Unless I can persuade them to watch it.

Speaking of poker, it is a tradition at my parents house that on Thanksgiving, all the men congregate in my dad's bar area and play either poker or liar's dice. This has been going on for close to 30 years and much money is won and lost at this time. Each year one of the hen's always comes out there and drags her husband away pissed off because he has to leave the game. Usually its the hen whose kids are driving her the craziest in the house.

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

No worries here, I'm pretty well distant from my family as is

 

I don't get the Thanksgiving/Metallica association though

For some reasson my uncles, grandmother, and cousins all get drunk and nostalgic. I plan to blast them out with Whitesnake.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

I'm going to sleep the entire day, and punch any relative that wakes me up.

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

I'm going to sleep the entire day, and punch any relative that wakes me up.

Good plan. Here's my schedule:

 

11:00 a.m. Wake up

12:00 p.m. Watch aunt and Cousin leave

12:01 p.m. Listen to granddmother bitch

12:01:05 p.m. Slam door and turn computer on. (Sorry, I don't have the internet at home, so I can't post-whore, but I have tons of good music.

12:30 p.m. Uncle and Mother show up, parade affair.

12:31 p.m. Write this to my father

1:00- 3:00 p.m. Watch more family show up. Eat my own food.

4: 00 p.m. By now all adults are drunk, suddenly I hear a noise Hoo-yeah! We're off to Never-Neverland!

4: 01 p.m. I counterattack Cum On Feel the Noize! Ignore whoever is banging on my door.

10:00 p.m. Aunt and cousin come back, they again mourn the loss of thier friend (Should I tell them what I did, she's not dead, she'll just be in Prison for Fraud, and violating a house arrest order, and many Probation rules)

11: 00 p.m. Go back to bed, as everyone is leaving.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

My plan's better. Work all night the evening before, crash out at 11 when the family begins to stir, and completely disregard their existence until I obtain some eats around nine in the evening.

[Guest Choken One]

You people hate your familes so much don't ya?

 

Did they not hug you when you were a child or something?

[DerangedHermit 0]

You people hate your familes so much don't ya?

 

Did they not hug you when you were a child or something?

And you love your family WAY TOO MUCH (the wrong way).

[Guest Choken One]

Ok...One fucking night with My Lesbian Cousin...BIG FUCKING DEAL.

 

 

She's straight now by the way...Take that for what you will.

[kkktookmybabyaway 0]

Oh man, my Turkey Day just got much more interesting.

 

Long story short -- my future white-trash sister-in-law is telling everyone in the family that my better half recommend that Ms. Trash's daughter take anti-depressants. Of course, the better half, who has a masters in clinical psychology, has done the exact opposite of this, but Ms. Soon-to-be-dead-from-hepatitis wants her daughter to get pills just so she can take them herself.

 

And we'll all be in the same house come tomorrow...

[Guest Choken One]

Damn.

 

Better steal couple of them pills man...

[kkktookmybabyaway 0]

Turkey Day football is my medication, and I'm an addict...

[MrRant 0]

Oh man, my Turkey Day just got much more interesting.

 

Long story short -- my future white-trash sister-in-law is telling everyone in the family that my better half recommend that Ms. Trash's daughter take anti-depressants. Of course, the better half, who has a masters in clinical psychology, has done the exact opposite of this, but Ms. Soon-to-be-dead-from-hepatitis wants her daughter to get pills just so she can take them herself.

 

And we'll all be in the same house come tomorrow...

Be a man you pussy ass bitch. Clock the bitch.

[Vern Gagne 0]

A catfight would be even better.

[MrRant 0]

A catfight would be even better.

Nothing good comes from an inbred catfight. Not saying that kkk's woman in inbred.

[kkktookmybabyaway 0]

Be a man you pussy ass bitch.  Clock the bitch.

Why bother.

 

I can't knock any of her teeth out because they are all rotted away from crack and rum...

[MrRant 0]

Fine.. Stick some Chicklets in her toothless gums and then knock them down her fucking throat.

 

Be creative bitch.

[kkktookmybabyaway 0]

I ain't sticking my hands in her mouth.

 

How do you think she gets drugs, booze and cigarettes?...

[MrRant 0]

Fine. Print this out as a mask for her and then proceed to knock her fake pearly whites out.

 

 

By the time she gets the mask on you should be really pissed.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Let bygones be bygones and be thankful for your loving family, and the bounty upon your table.

[Guest HumanJukebox]

Love to eat turkey

Love to eat turkey

 

Love to eat turkey

'Cause it's good

Love to eat turkey

Like a good boy should

'Cause it's turkey to eat

So good

 

"That clappin's messing my head up man. I appreciate it. But I was trying to think of the next line and all I hear is clapping. Here we go... Thanks anyways"

 

Turkey for me

Turkey for you

Let's eat the turkey

In my big brown shoe

Love to eat the turkey

At the table

I once saw a movie

With Betty Grable

Eat that turkey

All night long

Fifty million Elvis fans

Can't be wrong

Turkey lurkey doo and

Turkey lurkey dap

I eat that turkey

Then I take a nap

 

Thanksgiving is a special night

Jimmy Walker used to say Dynomite

That's right

Turkey with gravy and cranberry

Can't believe the Mets traded Darryl Strawberry

Turkey for you and

Turkey for me

Can't believe Tyson

Gave that girl V.D.

 

White meat, dark meat

You just can't lose

I fell off my moped

And I got a bruise

Turkey in the oven

And the buns in the toaster

I'll never take down

My Cheryl Tiegs poster

Wrap the turkey up

In aluminum foil

My brother likes to masturbate

With baby oil

Turkey and sweet potato pie

Sammy Davis Jr.

Only had one eye

 

Turkey for the girls and

Turkey for the boys

My favorite kind of pants

Are corduroys

Gobble gobble goo and

Gobble gobble gickel

I wish turkey

Only cost a nickel

Oh I love turkey on Thanksgiving

 

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

[kkktookmybabyaway 0]

Oh man, my Turkey Day just got much more interesting...

Well, in order to send the rest of us on some sort of guilt trip, she decided not to show up after all.

 

And good times were had by all.

 

Of course she called right when everybody started eating just to let us know how guilty we were supposed to be feeling without her gracing us with her toothless presence.

 

Damnit, can't that Hepatitis work any faster?...