SWF Smarkdown (April 8/2002)

[Guest BA_Baracus]

[Loud music booms through the darkened arena.

 

Suddenly a series of 6 large yellowish pyros explode one after another from the left side of the stage to the right.  As soon as they're done another bunch of orange-ish pyros burst across the stage from the right side back to the left as the Smarkdown logo appears on the SWF-tron.

 

After a few seconds the lights return, scan an excited audience then zoom in on the announcer's table...]

 

Curry - Here we are once again for SWF Smarkdown!

 

NTD - What a stupid name.

 

Curry - Oh get over it.

 

NTD - I can't...I'm not quite right in the head.

 

Curry - No shit...anyways, on with the show!

[Guest BA_Baracus]

NON-TITLE SINGLES MATCH

Johnny Rotten vs. Jay Dawg

- At the request of the commissioner, Jay Dawg participated in a bit of a Johnny Rotten beat down on Storm.  This Monday the former hardcore champion will try to get a measure of revenge against the current US champ…

 

TAG TEAM MATCH

K-Os & Thoth vs. Mark Stevens & El Luchadore Magnifico

- Good vs. evil.  Clan vs. Carnival.  It’s a random tag match for the ages and a bout you don’t wanna’ miss!

 

SINGLES MATCH FOR THE LIGHT-HEAVYWEIGHT #1 CONTENDERSHIP

Mistress Sarah vs. Lady Red

- Which one of these two dangerous women will be going after Magnifico’s LHW title?  We’ll find out on Smarkdown!

 

ICTV TITLE/THEME MUSIC DOUBLE LADDER MATCH

Edwin MacPhisto © vs. Sacred

- Plastic bowls, stolen theme music and evil of all sorts has marked this feud.  On the last PPV Edwin MacPhisto just barely managed to defeat Sacred to retain his title, but the crazy Australian just won’t give up!  For Smarkdown Stubby has decided to book a match in which his Pound buddy could not only win the ICTV title, but steal Edwin’s theme music as well!

Match Description – Regular DQ and count-out rules are not in effect.  Both a CD and the ICTV title belt will be suspended approximately 20 feet above the ring from 2 separate wires.  To claim the CD or the belt a wrestler must remove it from the wire then touch both feet to the canvas while holding it.  The match ends once both the CD and belt have been claimed.  Whoever gets the CD wins the right to the “Roller coaster of love/evil” song and whoever gets the belt well…gets the belt!

[Guest BA_Baracus]

Smarkdown returns, the card has been announced, opening promos involving some major angle in the fed have all happened, but now it is time for an opening match. The camera skims around the audience, many that are holding signs like “Stubby sucks!” and “Jay Dawg will be jobbed for eternity for that!” It finally floats over to the announcers for the show, Curry and NTD.

 

Curry: “Welcome back to Storm! We’ve already been on an emotional Rollercoaster, and we’ve just started! It’s time for the action now!”

 

The lights darken down as Funyon is focused on, inside the ring.

 

Funyon: "The following contest is non title… scheduled for one fall! Introducing first….”

 

"I... want to be... Anarchy!" comes over the P.A. as the crowd springs to their feet, welcoming the former deputy commish, Johnny Rotten. Pyro shoots off from the ramp, and an unusually loud, and bright display goes on.

 

Funyon: “He hails from Naptown! Standing at six feet, seven inches, and weighing in at 260 pounds…JOHNNY ROTTEN!!!”

 

The crowd cheers like wild as Rotten walks out of the curtain once his name is mentioned. He smiles to the fans as he saunters out to this exorbitant welcome. Rotten continues down slapping the hands of some of his fans. He reaches the ring, and lifts himself up into it, holding his arms out for the crowd to applaud.

 

Curry: “Quite the ovation for the Deputy commish!”

 

NTD: “Show the clip on how this match came about! Do it! Do it!”

 

Curry: “Ugh. Last week on Storm, once Rotten returned, he asked if he could continue being the Deputy Commish. He got this for an answer.”

 

The screen cuts to a week ago, where Jay Dawg and HVT are standing outside, waiting for Thugg, JD holding a tire iron.

 

Curry: “Rotten demanded a match against any member of Da Pound. Impressed with his work on Storm, Stubby gave the match to Jay Dawg.”

 

NTD: “JD beat down a member of the Clan! You have to respect that! I mean, the Clan is a great stable and all, but pissing off Stubby is just not wise.”

 

Rotten stands in the center of the ring, the back of his wrists firmly placed on his hips. He stands waiting, when two silver strobe lights flash over top of him. In unison with the lights in the ring, 3 blue spotlights flash around at the top of the ramp.

 

“WELCOME TO MOTHERFUCKING HELL!!”

 

The prerecorded voice of Jay Dawg shouts through the speakers. Moments later it is followed by D12’s ‘Fight Music’ to a roaring disapproval from the Denver natives.

 

Funyon: “His opponent! He hails from Vancouver, British Columbia. He stands at six feet four inches, and weighing in at 250 pounds… the SWF U.S. Champion… JAY DAWG!!!”

 

Jay Dawg bursts through the curtains, his title firmly fastened around his waist. A cocky smirk on his face, he holds his arms up high, scanning part of the crowd who has exploded with raging anger. JD walks down the ramp to jeers and insults, savoring them as cheers and compliments.

 

Curry: “The more he is hated, the more he thrives!”

 

Rotten has had about all he can take, and slides under the bottom rope to the outside. JD, who is completely unprepared for the attack, tries to get his arms up. Rotten hits three punches to the head anyway. Each shot staggers Jay Dawg back a foot, where he realizes that offense is a better defense. JD juts back at Rotten with two weak jabs, but surprises his larger opponent with a monster, thrusting front kick, catching Rotten in the chin and knocking him back at the ring.

 

Curry: “What a front kick by Jay Dawg! He suckered Rotten in with some jabs, and hammered him!”

 

NTD: “Bah! This isn’t Taek Won Do or Boxing! Let’s get with the wrestling!”

 

Rotten clutches his chin, feeling the slight tenderness, he rolls his body along the ring apron, toward the steps. JD looks up at him, angered that he hasn’t even been able to unstrap his title. Jay Dawg darts toward his opponent, casts his arm out for a clothesline… Rotten sidesteps, hooking the arm, and flips Jay Dawg with a hip toss… JD lands back first on the top step!

 

Curry: “An error in judgment by JD just turned this match hardcore!”

 

NTD: “Snooch to the mother fucking noooooooooch!”

 

Rotten grips the top of Jay Dawg’s head, holding him in place. Johnny takes one of his massive forearms, and repeatedly drives it into Jay Dawg’s chest! JD’s body goes into convulsions, shaking punctuates every blow by Johnny’s arm. With one hand, Rotten peals JD off of the stairs, twisting him around so his face is pointed south, and smashes it repeatedly into the steps!

 

Curry: “Johnny Rotten is hard-fucking-core!”

 

NTD: “During his impressive reign last summer, it took the hardcore master, Grimedogg, to finally defeat Rotten as hardcore champ! So he is no stranger to hardcore!”

 

After the tenth face introduction into steel, Rotten holds Jay Dawg’s head high in the air. Blood starts to trickle from his forehead, as JD looks Chinese-eyed. The Naptown native starts up some trash talk, shouting some incoherent rambling, before he pushes JD away. On the opposite side of the steps, JD slithers under the ring apron. Rotten catches a glimpse of this out of the corner of his eye, and walks quickly around the steps. He reaches down, grabbing JD by the rear of his pants, and yanks him to his feet. The former hardcore champ doesn’t see the tire iron in his opponent’s hands! JD thrusts backward while BUTT ending the tire iron right into Johnny’s ribcage! Rotten exhales deeply as the wind was just knocked out of him. JD pulls the tire iron into full view, lifts it over his head, and smashes it down into the lower back of Johnny Rotten!

 

Curry: “The tire iron! Jay Dawg must have stored it under the ring before the show came on!”

 

JD places the tire iron inside the ring under the nearby turnbuckles, before grabbing Rotten and rolling him into the ring.

 

*DING* *DING* *DING*

 

JD straightens his shirt out and unstraps his US title, before climbing into the ring himself. Rotten starts to recover, holding the recently bruised area in his spine, starts to crawl away with one arm. JD stalks his fallen prey, grinning with evil intentions. JD stomps the top of Johnny’s ribcage, knocking him into the mat. Rotten pushes himself back up again, and JD kicks him in the bottom of his ribcage. Rotten lifts his body upward, trying to ease some of the blow.

 

Curry: “Rotten has just been handicapped! Why is the ref letting him get away with this!”

 

Jay Dawg pulls Rotten to his feet, he pushes him into the ropes, and Irish whips him off the ropes. Rotten bounces back, but is knocked right down via reverse elbow from JD. The champion drops to his knees, and makes a quick cover.

 

One…

 

Rotten easily gets his shoulder up.

 

Curry: “JD ought to know better! Rotten is one of the toughest individuals in this fed!”

 

NTD: “JD is no weakling himself!”

 

Curry: “Yeah! He’s up and running after taking the beating from those steel steps!”

 

JD gets to his feet, he pulls Rotten up shortly after. JD pulls him into a vertical suplex set up, and doesn’t hesitate in lifting, but he doesn’t move his larger rival. JD lifts again, and Rotten doesn’t move. The Naptown native surprises JD, rolling him up with a small package.

 

One…

 

Two…

 

JD escapes with pure rage!

 

Curry: “Rotten is still fighting! Great courage by our former Deputy Commish!”

 

With murder written on his face, JD charges at Rotten, ducked. JD pivots around, and becomes Johnny’s personal punching bag. After eight lightning fast punches, Rotten sprints to the ropes. On the rebound, Rotten shoots his leg up, and creams JD with a big boot to the face! The force lifts JD off the ring, knocking him horizontal and he falls back first on the mat. The blow from hitting the mat snaps him awake though, JD sits up, but starts to stand in a very drunken state. Rotten kicks him in the gut, and pulls him into a standing headscissors. Rotten crosses both of Jay Dawg’s arms over his throat, and powers him up onto his shoulders, and slams him back into the mat with a Pyramid Driver! Rotten sits down with the trapping cover.

 

One…

 

Two…

 

Jay Dawg breaks away from the pin!

 

Curry: “Jay Dawg just escaped the highly dangerous Pyramid Driver! That had to take a lot out of JD though!”

 

NTD: “It may be called a driver, but they land in a powerbomb! I just figured the world needed to know that.”

 

Curry: “Ugh. That was dumber then you suggesting the Aussies should take an IQ test.”

 

Rotten proceeds to pull JD to his feet, doubling him over. A pair of knees to the forehead later, Rotten Irish whips JD into the turnbuckle. Johnny Rotten follows, crushing Jay Dawg with a clothesline avalanche. The former Deputy Commish backs away, as JD stumbles out of the corner. Rotten grabs his opponent’s left arm, lifts it up behind his head, trapping it to his neck. Rotten winds up and thrusts forward with the Heart Punch! JD grasps his chest in pain, before falling to his knees, then down on his face. Rotten kicks him over, then hooks the leg for the cover.

 

Curry: “Rotten is showing JD a thing or two about ass whooping!”

 

One…

 

Two…

 

Three…

 

NO!! JD kicks out, but continues to hold his chest in pain.

 

Curry: “That was closer then I expected! JD must be wearing out!”

 

Rotten heaves Jay Dawg back up, but grunts, as JD is seemingly dead weight. Finally he gets JD to his feet, but gets a sharp kick to the gut! JD locks on a front facelock, and leaps into the air, twisting his body, and drives Rotten face first into the mat with the JD DDT!

 

Curry: “That little sneak was playing possum! He suckered Rotten again!”

 

NTD: “That’s my boy! Take advantage of the big and stupid!”

 

Curry: “So are you saying he is taking advantage of Thugg!?”

 

NTD: “Are you saying Thugg is stupid!?”

 

Curry: “Uhh… fuck!”

 

JD somersaults backward, pounces to his feet, and springs to the air in a victory jump. He taps his thigh, getting an extremely negative reaction from the Denver Coliseum. Rotten starts to recuperate much to the fear of the fans. JD starts to bang his foot, stomping it repeatedly into the mat. Rotten is at his knees when JD thrusts toward him. One knee when JD leaps into the air. Finally he is standing upright, when JD spins full circle, and thrusts his leg out, kicking him in the head with the Sweet Tooth Loosening! The blow knocks Rotten silly, as he stumbles around the ring. JD waits in anticipation, fiddling his fingers around, taunting his dazed opponent to come to him. Unaware of the taunt, Rotten stumbles over to JD anyway, and is locked into a full nelson. With a quick, powerful drive of his legs, JD tosses Rotten over his head, and bridges in place with a dragon suplex!

 

One…

 

Two…

 

Three…

 

NO!! Rotten gets his shoulder up and Jay Dawg can’t believe it!

 

Curry: “Tremendous resiliency by our former Deputy Commish! He just took some of the best JD had to offer!”

 

JD grips the top of his hair, pulling on it with extremely painful intentions. Instead of arguing with the ref, he turns back to Rotten, and starts to pummel his face with punches. With enough blows to the head, JD stops, looking into his opponent’s fallen state. JD gets to his feet and walks to the corner, climbing the top turnbuckle.

 

Curry: “If Jay Dawg can’t finish him off with power… he’s going to try the air!”

 

NTD: “Jay Dawg can fly like and eagle, and crash like a Tie Fighter!”

 

Jay Dawg stands up high on the turnbuckle, holding his arms up high. He hawks out a loogie and spits it at the crowd. They respond with an angered taunt, and shouts of “Job-ber!” JD waves off the ‘Jobber’ chant and dives off the turnbuckle, spreads out his arms, floating through the air… and crashes face first into a spot formerly vacated by Johnny Rotten!

 

Curry: “Rotten moved out of the way! He just saved his ass!”

 

NTD: “BAH!! Rotten shouldn’t pull that crap! Jay Dawg expected him to die now!”  

 

The two men lie on the mat, the ref sees both are motionless, and starts up a ten count.

 

“One!”

 

“Two!”

 

“Three!”

 

Curry: “If neither man get up by ten, this match is over!”

 

“Four!”

 

“Five!”

 

“Six!”

 

Rotten starts to move, trying to move to his hands & knees, but keeps collapsing.

 

“Se-ven!”

 

NTD: “Come on Jay Dawg!”

 

“Eight!”

 

Jay Dawg sits up, eyes staring forward, completely pissed off.

 

“NIIIIIINE!”

 

JD gets the rest of the way up, as Rotten successfully makes it to his hands and knees. JD saunters on over, pulling Rotten into a standing headscissors. He proceeds to cross Johnny’s arms across his throat, like the pyramid driver earlier.

 

Curry: “JD is looking to hit his revenge!”

 

JD jumps into the air, and keeps on flying, as Rotten powerfully back body drops him, completely countering the move! JD bounces off the mat, but gets to his feet. Rotten taunts him with one arm to come over, but Rotten walks to him instead. He drapes an arm over JD’s chest, and wraps his spare arm around the back of his neck. JD smacks Rotten in the head with an elbow, a second, forcing Rotten to break the hold.

 

Curry: “These two are countering each other quite well now!”

 

JD takes a step back, before launching his leg out with a Thai Roundhouse kick. However, Rotten catches the leg! JD looks up into the sheer anger in Rotten’s eyes, and lets out a minor gulp of fear… although later on he will deny it. Johnny pushes JD away, into the corner by the ramp and the tire iron. JD grabs the tire iron, turns around, and charges at Johnny. The ref tries to get in the way, but Rotten merely smiles. With the ref’s back to Rotten, JD leaps with the tire iron, and is jammed in the throat by Rotten’s thumb with the Rotten Spike! JD drops his weapon, and clutches his throat, dropping to his knees in the process.

 

Curry: “Johnny Rotten just hit the Rotten Spike!”

 

NTD: “Illegal! Disqualify him!”

 

Curry: “Oh shut up! You didn’t say a thing when JD had the tire iron!”

 

Rotten reaches down and picks up the tire iron. He holds it in front of JD, who releases one of his hands to try and grab it. Johnny taps JD on the head twice with it, smiling, before lifting it up above his head with two hands. He goes to pull down, but feels a jerk, the jerk from a referee taking order! Rotten turns around, confused as hell, when JD pulls the tire iron out of the ref’s hand. Johnny turns around, as JD swings it like a hatchet to the brain!

 

*SMACK*

 

Rotten falls face first to the mat, barely able to see the pissed off look in Jay Dawg’s eyes.

 

*DING* *DING* *DING*

 

Curry: “Jay Dawg just used that illegal tire iron and has been disqualified for it!”

 

NTD: “What a gip! Rotten wasn’t DQ’ed for using the Rotten Spike!”

 

Curry: “The ref never saw that!”

 

JD holds the tire iron firmly in his hand, before looking down at Rotten, his eyes completely filled with anger. JD holds the tire iron over top of Rotten’s body, and drops it onto his back.

 

Funyon: “The winner of this match as a result of a disqualification… JOHNNY ROTTEN!!”

 

JD steps through the ropes, he grabs his US title, and slowly walks backward up the ramp. JD repeatedly points at Rotten, who hasn’t moved since having the steel, whacked into his cranium.

 

Curry: “Jay Dawg may have got himself disqualified there, but he is walking out on his own two feet!”

 

NTD: “Whoo! He looks like the winner here!”

 

Curry: “We gotta take a short break, hopefully we can get Rotten some medical attention here!”

 

Rotten starts to move in the ring, trying to shake off the blow as best he could, but it cuts to a commercial before anything else happens.

[Guest BA_Baracus]

The show slowly fades back in from commercial, giving the audience at home a great view of the audience at the Denver Coliseum, still buzzing from the Rotten vs. Jay Dawg match. However, the buzz is broken when the arena becomes shrouded in darkness as a haunting, bassless beat begins to play. Ephemeral flashes of white randomly illuminate sections of the crowd, but as soon as they appear, they leave. The bass becomes more pronounced, gradually, and the crowd can almost feel a cold, foreboding wind blow through the empty air.

 

"What's wrong, motherfucker, you were a man just a minute ago..."

 

BOOM drops the bass, accompanying the entrance of K-Os and Thoth, who slowly step out from behind the curtain, entrenched in their signature Clan robes. A few cheers can be heard, but the reaction is overwhelmingly negative as the Clanmates slowly make their way down the ramp.

 

Funyon: The following is a Tag Team Contest scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, at a combined weight of 486 Pounds, representing the Clan...K-Oooooooos and Thoooooooth!!

 

Almost simultaneously, both men step up onto the apron and then climb into the ring, walking to the center and remaining still as the crowd continues to shower them with boos. K-Os and Thoth take their robes and slowly pull the hoods back, revealing their expressionless faces as the lights come back up. They then shed their robes, hand them to the referee, and begin preparing for the upcoming match.

 

Curry: Welcome back to SWF Smarkdown, everyone! We're preparing for our tag team match for this evening, pitting the Clan, represented by K-Os and Thoth, against the Midnight Carnival, represented by El Luchadore Magnifico and "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens! It's a classic battle that has occurred many a time in this federation, but not in quite this combination.

 

NTD: Surprisingly, it never gets old! I could watch the Clan tear apart the Carnival a thousand times and I'd still giggle like a schoolgirl in delight.

 

K-Os and Thoth begin to talk strategy, but they are suddenly interrupted by the arena lights fading into blackness and a soft female voice whispering, "Midnight Carnival." The IGNTron flashes blazing white in time with the opening beats of the Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Love Rollercoaster" as the Carnival's anthem pumps through the arena, revealing with each flash thin black lettering that reads "Step Right Up." As the guitar part drops in, three blue laser lights trace the arena, all stemming from the same point in the middle of the entrance ramp. As the words "rollercoaster of love" echo through the arena for the first time, the laser lights flare out into a blue haze across the entrance ramp as El Luchadore Magnifico and Mark Stevens step out from behind the curtain. As the refrain arrives for the first time, the arena plunges back into darkness just as purple strobe lights tear through the house and the blue laser lights spiral wildly, illuminating the members of the Midnight Carnival in funky, staccato bursts as the crowd cheers wildly for their arrival. The IGNTron video plays, flashing half-second clips of classic maneuvers from the Carnival's members as Magnifico, with the LHW Title wrapped around his waist and his Mexican Flag held high in the air, and Stevens, with a Colorado Rockies baseball cap resting comfortably on his head, make their way down the ramp, soaking up the cheers as they go.

 

Funyon: And now, at a combined weight of 474 Pounds, representing the Midnight Carnival... "Grand Slam", Mark Stevens, and El Luchadooooooorre Magnificooooooo!!

 

K-Os and Thoth look on with utter disgust as Magnifico and Stevens slide headfirst into the ring and pop to their feet. Both men pick a corner and hop onto the second turnbuckle, thrusting their arms into the air in a pre-match celebration as the flashbulbs flood them with light. Stevens takes his ballcap and hurls it into the crowd, making one lucky fan's night as he hops off of the turnbuckle. Magnifico follows suit, meeting Stevens in the middle of the ring and sharing a brief word as the Clan does the same on the opposite side of the ring. After a few seconds, Mark exits the ring, leaving Magnifico to contend with K-Os, who looks the luchadore down as Thoth steps out onto the apron. The ref makes sure everything is ready, then signals for the bell to begin the match.

 

DING DING DING

 

Curry: K-Os has only had two matches in the SWF, yet he's managed to get on the bad side of many people, Magnifico included. I'm sure the luchadore didn't enjoy receiving the Hell Helix from an interfering K-Os on Storm during his match with Lady Red.

 

With the sound of the bell still echoing inside the arena, Magnifico and K-Os begin to slowly circle each other around the ring, coming closer and closer until they are face to face in the center. Once there, both men reach out and lock up with each other. There is a struggle to begin with, but K-Os easily overpowers the luchadore within a few seconds, shoving him to the ground. Magnifico rolls back to his feet and charges towards his opponent, but K-Os quickly lashes out with a Clothesline, snapping ELM back to the canvas. He tries to get up, but K-Os catches Magnifico before he can do so, grabbing him by the arm and jerking him to his feet before whipping the luchadore into the ropes. Magnifico bounces off and rushes back towards K-Os, and as he approaches, the Clannie bends over for a Back Body Drop. However, the luchadore hits the mat and does a Baseball Slide beneath K-Os legs, popping to his feet behind his opponent! K-Os spins around to face Magnifico, which the luchadore takes as a cue to draw his arm back and drive it into K-Os chest with a Knife-Edge Chop! An echoing SMACK! cracks off of K-Os chest, nearly drowning out the WHOOO!s as Magnifico rears back and delivers another Chop! SMACK! WHOOO! Right after the second Chop, Magnifico grabs K-Os by his arm and attempts a whip, but has it reversed and gets sent into the ropes again. ELM bounces off and rushes back towards K-Os, and as he approaches, the Clannie wraps his arms around the luchadore waist, trapping him in a Front Waistlock! Magnifico immediately begins pounding away at K-Os' head, trying to get him to release the hold, but his attempts are unsuccessful, as K-Os suddenly falls backwards for a Belly-to-Belly Suplex! K-Os throws Magnifico over his head in mid-fall, driving his back straight into the canvas with the Suplex. K-Os pops back to his feet after landing the Belly-to-Belly, but Magnifico is a little slower in getting up.

 

Curry: Ouch, Belly-to-Belly Suplex out of nowhere! K-Os didn't look the least bit fazed when Magnifico was trying to escape his hold.

 

NTD: Of course he didn't! The members of the Clan are trained to be emotionless bastards! They show no weakness in the ring!

 

As ELM begins struggling back to his feet, K-Os heads over to his corner and nonchalantly tags in Thoth, drawing another wave of boos from the audience. Thoth heads over to Magnifico while he is still on one knee and begins kicking away at his gut, trying to prevent him from getting any higher. After a few kicks, Thoth grabs Magnifico by his hair, pulls him to his feet, and then drags him over to the nearest corner, throwing him into the turnbuckles. Magnifico, leaning up against the corner, turns to face Thoth, only to be greeted sharp blow to the face by the Clannie. Thoth grabs Magnifico's head and pulls it back, then resumes bashing away at his face, only stopping once the referee gets involved. Thoth slowly lets go of ELM's scalp, then delivers one more punch for good measure before grabbing Magnifico by the arm and whipping him towards the opposite corner. As soon as the luchadore lands in the corner, Thoth charges after him, but as he approaches, Magnifico pulls himself onto the second rope and bounces off, springboarding over the charging Thoth and doing a Front Flip in mid-air to land on his feet! Unable to slow down, Thoth crashes right into the corner and stumbles backwards upon impact, holding his chest in pain. Unfortunately for him, he stumbles right into Magnifico, who is facing away from Thoth and almost instinctively hooks Thoth's arms as he bumps into him! With the Clannie on his back, Magnifico slowly falls to his knees and leans forward, pulling the wriggling Thoth with him and pinning his shoulders to the mat with a Backslide! The more Thoth struggles to escape, the more the crowd seems to cheer as the ref slides down to the mat and begins counting...

 

ONE...

 

TWO...No! Thoth finally escapes at two and a half. After breaking free, Thoth quickly stands, reaching his feet before Magnifico. As soon as the luchadore does get up, he comes face-to-face with Thoth, who immediately knocks Magnifico back to the ground when he lifts his leg and drives it into ELM's skull with a High Leg Clothesline! The boos inevitably return as Thoth looks down on Magnifico, who struggles to get to his feet after that stiff shot.

 

Curry: Well, Magnifico had the advantage for all of 10 seconds, but it looks like the Clan is right back in control.

 

NTD: And it's gonna stay that way, even if that dirty Mexican manages to tag in "Grand Ham" Mark Stupid! Hah!

 

Thoth delivers a few stomps to Magnifico's chest, then grabs him by his hair and pulls the luchadore into a sitting position. As Magnifico sits on the mat, unmoving, Thoth suddenly bolts towards the ropes behind the luchadore, bounces off, and rushes back towards him! The Clannie sticks out his knee to strike Magnifico in the back of his head, but ELM suddenly surprises him by leaning back and pulling his legs in, driving them into Thoth's gut! Magnifico then pushes his legs out and up, throwing Thoth high into the air with a Monkey Flip! Thoth crashes flat onto his back, drawing a loud cheer from the crowd and giving ELM the chance to get to his feet while Thoth does the same on the opposite side of the ring. Both men reach their feet at about the same time, and immediately charge towards each other as they stand. Thoth lashes out with a Clothesline, but Magnifico ducks beneath it and both men spin around to face each other. ELM tries to strike Thoth, but he blocks the punch and counters with a Thrust Uppercut! However, Magnifico barely manages to dodge that, only getting his chin grazed by Thoth's fist! With Thoth off balance from the Uppercut, Magnifico grabs his free arm and quickly turns it into a Chickenwing, then wraps his arm around Thoth's head, completing the set-up for the Montezuma's Revenge! This draws an anticipatory pop from the crowd, but it is quickly cut off as Thoth suddenly drives his head forward, slamming it into Magnifico's face in an attempt to make him release the hold! The first Headbutt doesn't cut it, but the second one is enough motivation for Magnifico to release Thoth and turn away from him, holding his nose in pain. ELM slowly walks away from Thoth, but the Clannie won't let him go, as he grabs Magnifico by his shoulder and spins him around, then delivers a boot to his gut, doubling him over! With the luchadore bent over, Thoth quickly applies a Front Face Lock, hooks both of Magnifico's arms, and then lifts him into the air, looking to connect with a Double Arm DDT! Thoth falls flat on his back, drilling Magnifico's head into the canvas and drawing many a boo from the crowd as the luchadore limply falls to the mat. Thoth quickly makes the cover after landing the DDT, hooking the leg as the ref slides into position...

 

ONE...Stevens begins to step into the ring...

 

TWO...No! Magnifico kicks out at two and a half, before Stevens can break up the pin.

 

Curry: Beautiful Double Arm DDT from Thoth! Magnifico has got to make the tag, because I don't think he can survive another maneuver like that!

 

NTD: I'm surprised he survived the first one! He must have some sort of steel plate in his head, like me!

 

Curry: Knowing about that makes so much make perfect sense...

 

The ref pushes Grand Slam back out of the ring as Thoth pulls Magnifico to his feet and whips him hard into the Clan's corner. Thoth quickly turns around and stalks across the ring, talking trash to Grand Slam. The ref almost has the Heavy Hitter out, but the big man is baited into trying to climb back in. In the meantime, K-Os throws an arm around Magnifico's neck and pulls, listing his feet an inch off the ground and choking the life out of him! Thoth goes back to the corner and uses the distraction to get in a little double-team action, delivering two nasty body blows to Magnifico while K-Os continues the choke. Finally, Grand Slam sees what is happening and grudgingly leaves the ring. The ref turns around just as K-Os lets go!! Magnifico falls to the mat face first and gasping for air. Thoth smirks and looks to the crowd, reveling in the hatred he sees in their eyes. He drags Magnifico off the mat and pulls him into the center of the ring. With a glance at Grand Slam, warning him to stay out of the ring, Thoth grabs Magnifico around the waist and hoists him up onto his shoulder!!

 

NTD: This is it Curry!! If Thoth nails the Riot of the Blood, this match is all over!!

 

Curry: I doubt it will be as easy as that NTD!! Magnifico is a warrior!!

 

Thoth starts to drop Magnifico down into position for the Tombstone, but Magnifico kicks his feet hard and drops off Thoth's shoulder, landing on his feet right behind the Clannie!! Without thinking, running totally on years of training and well-developed instinct, Magnifico turns back-to-back with Thoth, hooks his arms and runs at the ropes!! The crowd realizes what is happening and pops huge! The Luchadore runs up the ropes, flips over Thoth's head and before you can say "Chalupa with extra cheese" Magnifico drives the Clannie's face into the mat!!

 

Curry: What a reversal!! El Luchadore Magnifico, showing the agility and drive that has made him a virtual legend in this business, reverses the Riot of the Blood into the Baja California Crusher!! Listen to the crowd!!

 

NTD: I can't believe Thoth let him pull that off!! But right now, it looks like both men need to make a tag!!

 

The crowd is alive and kicking, cheering at the top of their lungs. In the ring, ELM and Thoth are lying near the center of the ring, both exhausted and hurting!! In the Clan's corner, K-Os is chanting something vaguely druidic and stretching for the tag! On the opposite side, Grand Slam is also reaching for the tag, but to fire up Magnifico he is diving into the well-used barrel of "face wrestler" tricks, slamming his left hand drown on the turnbuckle hard, starting a rhythm that the fans are picking up!! Slow at first and building in intensity, the clapping of the capacity crowd is thunderous!! The ref is laying a ten count on both men...

 

THREE...

 

FOUR...

 

FIVE... Both men are moving now, but not off the mat. Thoth tries to push himself up, but his arm falls out from under him...

 

SIX...

 

SEVEN...

 

EIGHT... Now both men are crawling across the canvas searching for the elusive tag! The noise in the building is amazing as the crowd anticipates the tags! The ref, seeing both men mobile, elects to stop the count. Thoth is a little closer, reaching... reaching... TAG!!! K-Os charges into the ring and grabs Magnifico by the foot, keeping him only inches away from tagging in the Heavy Hitter!! As K-Os pulls, Magnifico uses him to get to his feet, turn around and jump, delivering a stiff enzugiri right to K-Os head!! The Clannie drops back to the mat and releases Magnifico's leg!! ELM falls forward, using the momentum to tag in Grand Slam as the crowd tears the roof off the joint with thunderous cheers!!

 

Curry: There's the tag!! "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens, former World Champion, is in this match for the first time and he is on fire!!

 

NTD: No way!! That was an illegal move Magnifico used!! Since when are people allowed to use jumpy-flippy hard kicks to the head?

 

Curry: What? This fed is built on a long tradition of jumpy-flippy kicks to the head!!

 

K-Os is just getting to his feet as Grand Slam gets to him, and the Heavy Hitter levels him with a brutal forearm to the head!! Thoth charges in, trying to slow up Grand Slam, but gets dropped with a clothesline for his troubles!! K-Os bounces back up just in time for a hip toss! Thoth is back to his feet and a little woozy!! Grand Slam lays the smackdown on him with three quick strikes to the head that back the Clannite into the ropes, then a huge shortarm clothesline that topples the Balancer over the top rope and to the outside!! Grand Slam turns his attention back to K-Os but a second to late as the rookie catches the veteran with an old-school eye rake!! The ref admonishes K-Os, but he could care less as he grabs Grand Slam's left arm and twists, locking in the armbar! Grand Slam drops to one knee, clapping his left shoulder with his right hand, trying to take some of the sting out of the hold. After a second of the hold, K-Os pulls Grand Slam up by the arm and twists again, adding even more torque to the abused limb!! But this time Grand Slam does not go down, instead using his left arm to reach behind K-Os, grab a handful of hair and pull, dragging the young man drown and into the mat, breaking the hold!

 

NTD: Where is the vaulted technical prowess of Grand Slam? He is already reduced to raw power to survive the overwhelming technical genius that is K-Os!!

 

Curry: Overwhelming? I'll admit he is a technically proficient wrestler, but Grand Slam has years of experience on him!!

 

Grand Slam steps away from K-Os who takes little time in rising to his feet. Grand Slam starts to circle the ring, keeping an eye on both Clannies and shaking his left arm, trying to work out some of the pain. Both men suddenly move towards each other, locking up in the center of the ring! Grand Slam quickly gets the advantage, pulling K-Os into a side headlock! But K-Os wastes no time planting his feet and pushing the Heavy Hitter off and into the ropes!! Bounce back, Grand Slam throws out an arm for a clothesline but K-Os rolls underneath! Grand Slam into the opposite ropes, bounce back again, K-Os is on his feet and ready! Grand Slam tries to step aside and get behind K-Os, but the Clannie anticipates it, grabs an arm and steps around Grand Slam sinking in a Full Nelson!! He tries to lift Grand Slam up to deliver a Full Nelson Slam, but the Heavy Hitter hooks one of K-Os legs and pulls, tripping the smaller man! Grand Slam falls back with him, crushing the Clannite underneath him!! K-Os maintains the Full Nelson against all odds but Grand Slam plants his feet and arches his back, pinning K-Os' shoulders to the mat!

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THR-Noo!! Kickout by K-Os as he releases the hold!

 

Curry: Quick thinking by Grand Slam turning the submission hold into a pinning combination!

 

NTD: Oh please! How many people use the Full Nelson as a legitimate submission hold anymore?

 

Curry: Well, I remember a JLer by the name of Billy Jack Hane, Jr. that...

 

NTD: Oh look, there's action in the ring!

 

Both men get to their feet and lock up again!! This time K-Os gets the advantage, spinning around Grand Slam and pulling Stevens into a Front Facelock!! K-Os stomps his foot and pulls Grand Slam up... the drives him down with a hard brainbuster!! He hooks the leg...

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THRE-Noo!! Kickout by Grand Slam!! Both men to their feet! K-Os throws a hard punch at Grand Slam's head but Stevens blocks it and returns one of his own that connects!! K-Os doesn't give in and throws another punch!! Grand Slam grabs the arm and spins, sinking in the Full Nelson!! Before K-Os can react, Grand Slam pulls him off the mat and sits out, nailing the atomic drop!! Without breaking the hold, Grand Slam pushes his way back to his feet, then drives K-Os down with the Grand Slam!!

 

Curry: Double Play!! Grand Slam turns two and takes control of this match back!!

 

NTD: Come on!! Give K-Os some credit!! He has really taken it to Grand Slam!

 

Grand Slam spins his hand in the air, signaling for the Walk-Off as he pulls K-Os off the mat and into a standing head-scissors! He hooks the arms... but Thoth comes charging into the ring, on a collision course with Grand Slam!! Then, out of nowhere Magnifico flies through the air, soaring over Mark's head and nailing Thoth with a stiff cross body, driving him hard into the mat where Magnifico keeps him by laying in a tremendous series of strikes to the head!! Free from interference, Grand Slam jumps in the air... WHAM!!!

 

Curry: Walk-Off!! Walk-Off!! Walk-Off!!

 

Grand Slam hooks the leg...

 

ONE..

 

TWO...

 

THREEE!!!! The crowd explodes as "Love Rollercoaster" starts to blast through the arena!! As the bell rings, Funyoin picks up his mic...

 

Funyon: And your winners, El Luchadore Magnifico and "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens... THE MIDNIGHT CARNIVAL!!!

 

Stevens and Magnifico both get off of their respective opponents, allowing Thoth and K-Os to roll to the outside and retreat. The victorous Carnies hit a quick high-five, then return to the corners they populated before the match, raising their arms in the air and squeezing a little more heat from the crowd. Thoth, carrying K-Os on his shoulder, begins to make his way up the ramp as Magnifico and Stevens continue to celebrate.

 

Curry: The Midnight Carnival has picked up the victory, thanks to some terrific teamwork between Magnifico and Mark Stevens!

 

NTD: They should be ashamed of themselves, beating up those poor, defensless clansmen like that! Barbarians!

 

Curry: Whatever you say, NTD. Anyway, stick around folks, because coming up next we've got Lady Red and Mistress Sarah competing for the Number One Contendership to the Light Heavyweight Title!

 

NTD: Bra and panties! Bra and panties!

 

Curry: It is NOT bra and panties...

 

As Curry and NTD argue, the show broadcasts its final image before a commercial break, showing Magnifico and Stevens making their way up the ramp and turning around one more time for their adoring fans...

[Guest BA_Baracus]

The commercial break is over and now we’re back to our normal presentation of Smarkdown.  The camera just quickly goes to Curry and NTD who waits patiently for their cue.  Once the camera hits them, they begin to do what they do best, commentary.  

 

"Welcome back low lives."

 

Curry quickly jumped in after hearing that statement from NTD.  “NTD, stop it, we’re live.  And you know what?  We have jobs because of these so call low lives, so you should shut the hell up.”

 

“Whatever man, hell, you’re a low life too.?”

 

“Anyways, you know, this pass week has been nothing less than memorable.  Thugg swerve everybody and is still not only the world champion, but he’s still an active wrestler in the SWF, what a bastard.”

 

“Bastard?  That man is smart.  Even though I don't condone what he did, I think that was a disgusting act he did.  He played everybody like a deck of cards, and to make matters better, he got Stubby, who is the smartest man in the whole world, plus the commish to join Da Pound.  He’s still the world champion and he’s not leaving us anytime soon with the help of Stubby there.  What a interesting week to say the least.”  NTD replied after being offended of Curry’s remarks about Thugg.

 

“Well, like I said many times before, you have your opinion and I have my facts.”  

 

“Opinions?  It just happened.  How can it be an opinion if the whole world saw what happen when Stubby got in the ring as the ref and did what was right.  You’re just mad.  That’s all, just mad.”

 

After a long time looking at NTD, with a disgusting look, a look of “I’m going to kill you for making fun of me on air”, Curry changed the subject by saying:  “Anyways,  Guess who’s back?”

 

“Elvis?” NTD answers with a surprise look in his face, acting like he’s real serious.

 

“No you pelvis, but Bo is back?”

 

“Oh yeah?  And did you see him?  He got big, he’s been working out?”

 

“He does look great.” After finishing that statement, Curry turns his head to look at NTD who was already looking at him with a goofy smile, hell, a homo type smile.  “Shut up man, I’m not gay.”

 

“Hey, if you want to come out of the closet, that’s not my problem.”

 

“You know, you got some mental issues.  I’ve told people, I’ve told Stubby that you need professional help.”

 

NTD’s eyes just widen with surprise, he turn his head towards Curry and with a cold shake of nervousness, knowing that he has to say something good and productive so that Stubby wont get on his case, he started kissing up by saying:  “You asked the smart one?  The commissioner?  Smarter than the other man that’s 60 years old and be popping Viagra and steroids just to be adequate in life?  What did the great Stubby say?”

 

After about 5 seconds of being ashamed of working next to a kiss up punk, Curry said: “Well, he said that we all need some help sometimes.”

 

“He’s right.”

 

The lights dim slightly and “Keep it Thoro” by Prodigy hits as the SmarksTron comes to life showing the word “BO” with some of his old clips of victories and triumphs.  Bo appears on top of the stage and quickly walks down the ramp.  Not listening to anybody, and not caring.  

 

“Yeah baby!  Look at Bo, that guy just got big.  He’s scary looking.  I wouldn’t want to mess with him.”  NTD said.

 

Bo goes between the second and top rope and into the ring.  He walks across the ring and extends his arm through the middle and bottom rope and asks for a mike.  He receives one and that’s when the music stops.

 

“Lets see what he has to say.”

 

“Hush, can’t you see he’s about to make a statement?”  NTD interrupted curry.

 

“Don't do that again,  Because I’m”

 

“Hush, dammit, just hush.”

 

Bo looks around the arena, some of the people are cheering, but most of them are booing.  Hell, Bo's use to it.  He slowly ascends his arm with the mike to his lips and say:  “You know, many people at home asked me…”

 

Bo clears his voice to change his voice and his way of talking.

 

“Yo Bo, why you back in the block?”

 

“Or”

 

“Yo, Why you left the fed son?  Is you goin back?”

 

The crowd gives him a nice pop, but it was drowned by boos of people that really never gave a damn about him.  Bo drops the mike for a minute, trying to collect all the information from his mind of what he’s about to say.  

 

“That’s a damn good question, I want to know the reason too.” NTD said, eyes gawking at the ring.  Really straining his eyes to pay attention while trying block away the noise from the crowd.

 

Bo elevated the mike towards his mouth again and spoke.

 

“Well, I’m going to tell you the same thing that I told them.  Question one.  I’m back in the block because I had some personal issues to attend.  Family problems, that’s all I’m going to say.”

 

“That’s understandable.  I would do…

 

“Dammit, I said be quiet!  Geesh, don't let me hear anything.”  

 

“Question number two.  Why did I leave the fed?  Well, since I had some family issues, the problem needed my undivided attention for me to take care of it.  When it comes to your family, you have to put your everything to it in order to resolve the problem.”

 

NTD smiles at Bo’s response and nods at everything he says.  NTD looks at curry as well to see if curry agrees and to his surprise, curry does.  

 

“Question number three.  When am I coming back to the fed?  To be honest with you, I wasn’t coming back.  Once I heard the news, and mind you, it wasn’t the complete news, it was just some of it.  I made up my mind and said, my family is more important.  After debating with myself and working out the frustration and anger that came to me once I heard the whole news, I had to come back and get revenge!  You’re looking at me asking what the hell am I talking about?  Only time will tell how the clock ticks.  Soon you will find out what I’m talking about, but yes, I am back because of revenge and with the help of “Da Pound”

 

The boos just came like if Bin Laden just stepped in the building once they heard the name of the group they call “Da Pound.”

 

Bo smiles and looks around the arena but continue by saying:

 

“Revenge will be so sweet.”  Bo said that last sentence with an evil grin, more like a plotting an evil scheme smirk.

 

 

All of a sudden Darkness fills the arena and the silence is broken when DMX starts with no beat.

 

“Just cause I love my niggas!”

 

The SWFTron flashes the crimson letter “D”.

 

“I shed blood for my niggas!”

 

An image of JD executing JD's revenge on Fallout appears on the SWFTron, followed by a black screen that then flashes the crimson letter “P”.

 

“Let a niggas holla, Where my niggas!”

 

An image of Sacred hitting the Cruel Fate on Mercury replaces the letters, but then the black screen returns followed by the flashing crimson letter “G”

 

“All I wanna hear is right here my niggas!”

 

An image of the Hville Thugg hitting the Untamed on Mark Stevens appears on the SWFTron, and then the black screen returns.  The screen then flashes the letters “DPG” several times as an electronic wail starts off and DMX continues.

 

“You will not take this from me baby!”

 

“You will NOT TAKE THIS FROM ME BABBBBBYYYYYYYY!!”

 

“You know!”

 

BOOM!!

 

Fire erupts from the stage, and that’s when “Da Pound” comes out.   Shadowing behind its high flames as the letters on the SWFTron give way to the words, “Da Pound”.

 

“My Niggas!”

“Some niggas that you don’t wanna try!”

“My Niggas!”

“Some niggas that’s really do or die!”

“My Niggas!”

“Will have you cowards ready to cry!”

“My Niggas!”

“Will rob!”

“My Niggas!”

“Will kill!”

“My Niggas!”

 

As DMX’s “My Niggas” blares through the speakers and the fans excrete hatred from every orifice in their bodies.

 

“Speaking of those damn demons!” Curry said as Thugg, Sacred and Jay Dawg without stubby who is obviously doing some work.  They all walk down the ramp together with smiles on some of their faces.  Thugg has the biggest smile.  In the ring Bo is holding the mike with left hand and has a big smile as well, but you can tell it’s a phony smile.  He waits for the rest of “Da Pound” to enter the ring.  

 

“You know, these 5 guys can be one of the best group in the fed right now.  This fed has three top stables and that is the Clan, Midnight Carnival and “Da Pound”.  This could be interesting.”  Curry said as he sees the rest of “Da Pound” enter the ring.

 

JD is the first one in the ring; he extends his right arm in the direction of Bo.  For people that don't know any history, these two had some major beef back in the JL and never settled it.  Bo looks at the hand then looks up and smiles.  He also pulls out his arm and shakes JD’s hand.  

 

Sacred is the second one to reach Bo.  The smile of Bo faded as quick as a 14-year-old horny boy jerking off from a Porno movie.  These two really disliked each other.  They had matches and made things real personal.  Sacred doesn’t smile much because he’s EEEVVVIIILLL!  But Bo doesn’t smile as much as well.  They continue to look at each other.  Gazing into each other’s hatred eyes and Bo is the first one to extend his arm.  Now Sacred looks down at Bo’s hand, finger muscle pulsing. Knuckles bigger than before.  Sacred then looks up at Bo who still doesn’t smile.  Sacred then look back at Thugg who is now stepping over the top rope to get into the ring.  Sacred turns back to Bo and quickly shakes his hand.

 

“It seems that Sacred was very hesitant to shake Bo’s hand.”

 

“I would be too if that guy tried to kill me a few times.  They have a pass and Sacred is still reluctant to let bygones be bygones.”  NTD said as he watch Thugg get in the ring with a big ass smile.

 

Bo stares at Sacred as he moves to the right.  He turns his head and sees this colossal man, taking big ass steps with a big ass smile, going to his direction.  Bo really didn’t have much time to react as Thugg grabs Bo’s arm with his right hand and then hugs Bo with the left arm.  The camera zooms up to Bo’s face.  But the expression on his face was lifeless.  No soul, like if Bo really didn’t want Thugg to show any kind of emotion.  All of a sudden Bo’s eyes catch the camera and that’s when he showed some affection and hugs Thugg back.  

 

The crowd gives a sarcastic “AWWWWW” sound.  Thugg now realizes that this isn’t very thug like and pushes away from Bo.  They look at each other for a good while and Thugg asks for the mike that Bo was holding.  Bo gives it to him and Thugg begins to speak.  No, the crowd wont let him talk.  The chorus of boos drowns any type of noise that wants to come out of Thugg’s mouth, but Thugg speaks anyways.

 

“You know ya ignorance aint gonna bother this moment.” Thugg now looks at Bo and said:  “Welcome back dog.  Why you bounce in the first place?”

 

Bo looks at thugg with a look of shame and just shakes his head.

 

“You know, you’re right?  It really doesn’t matter, the only thing that matters is that you’re back and you’re ready to kick some ass.  And we’re right here to help you with anything.  But first, we got to kick the Clan’s ass for being assholes.  That’s good?  Good!   Welcome back my nigga.”

 

Bo looks up to the face of Thugg and just nods his head.  He reaches out his hand, obviously asking for the mike.  Thugg hands it to him and Bo walks away with it.  The crowd still screaming in disapproval as Bo slowly raises the mike to his lips and begins to talk.

 

 

“Yeah, I’m back with “Da Pound” and I’m glad to be back.  I have some unfinished business that may be little to ya but big to me to take care of.  That’s my reason to have the process of Revenge.  The situation that this person put me through has got me in a position that I will do anything for payback.  I was going to handle it my self, but why stress out when I got 3…

 

Bo looks at Thugg and sees that the big man raises his hand and four fingers up and Bo nods.

 

“Sorry, I mean 4 people to help me with this situation.  And since there are 4 more people helping me, it’s going to be quicker.”  

 

Bo turns to Thugg and walks towards him.

 

“Big man, I would like to apologize for a few things.  One, I’m sorry for bouncing like that and leaving you high and dry?  I know your beef with X went into a major high and I wasn’t around to give you support, but I had to take care of this.  Second is about Storm…  I know that after I hit those two ass wipes the Perfect Pain we bounce up the ramp, but I had to get the hell out of there because security was looking for me since I breach my contract and shit.  But now Stubby let me back in and I’m here to help ya in any cause.  Third, I’m sorry for not giving you any reason then and now of why I left.  I’m not going to say anything at this moment; I will speak upon my situation when time is right.  Besides, you’re the last person I want to say it to.”

 

Thugg’s eyes widen in surprise and the crowd just stays shut after that comment.

 

“No, not like that.  I’m not going to tell you right now because I know you, you’re a very angry person, and I don't want you to steal my thunder…  But you are going to be useful in so many ways you have no idea.  But I just don't want to get you involved at this moment because you might fuck up the joy I’m going to have when I take him out for good…  Feel me?

 

Thugg nods in agreement to everything Bo had to say.  Bo looks up and him and nod once again before walking away.  

 

“I want to thank Stubby for giving me this opportunity of returning and I’m sure I wont let him down.  This is my time to show the world that I belong here, and after I get rid of that motherfucker that almost destroyed my life, everything will be back to normal, well for me.  Thank you for your time and I am gone.”

 

On that note, Bo drops the mike to the mat while “Keep it Thoro” by Prodigy hits.  Bo turns to JD and shakes his hand, and then he turns to Sacred and extends his arm for a good handshake. Sacred was reluctant for a second but then he shook it.  After Sacred, he turned to Thugg and shook his hand, it seems that Thugg wanted the old school pound/hug but Bo just gave him a pound.  One by one, three seconds apart they all leave the ring.  Bo is the last one; he stood in the ring for about a few seconds, staring at Thugg and his troops.  Then he exited with them.  They all walk up the ramp, not paying attention to the boos and slowly but surely exiting that area.

 

The camera quickly shifts back towards the announce table where Curry sits there and NTD sits there as well but with a big ass smile on his face.

 

“Yeah baby!  The pound is here, bigger and better than ever.  This is going to be great.” NTD said, smiling and chuckling at the same time with some emotion.  Curry, on the other hand was less enthusiastic of the current events.

 

“Yeah, but there’s something about Bo that just didn’t seem right.  He wasn’t himself, maybe I’m over exaggerating but he seems uncomfortable being in the ring with the rest of “DA Pound” members.”  

 

“You are over exaggerating and I’m not going to let you ruin what has been a memorable reunion.  Before you mess it up, lets continue with the rest of the show.”  NTD cut in before Curry can do any more commentary damage.

 

“Ok, after this commercial break.”  Curry ended it with that statement.

 

And off to commercial break.

[Guest BA_Baracus]

(Camera comes back from commercial to a close-up of Jay Dawg's locker room. Panning back just as the door opens, we see Jay Dawg walking out of the room but looking back into it.)

 

Jay Dawg: Honey, I just gotta do some Pound business, I'll be right back. Leave the door locked will you, just in case.

 

(Jay Dawg closes the door, and turns to see the camera)

 

Jay Dawg: Hey! Got any respect for privacy? Get the fuck out of my face!

 

(Jay Dawg shoves the cameraman down to the ground, the shot following him. Cut away to.... The Denver Coliseum marks out to the return of SWF Smarkdown, the camera panning too fast over multitudes of signs and eventually getting the video intern the company hired immediately fired. The exchange went something like:

 

---

Producer: Stop that.

 

Intern: Stop what? (swings camera wildly to the left)

 

Producer: THAT! You're going too fast and not focusing!

 

Intern: I'm sorry sir... (swings camera wildly to the right and up, stopping tersely to show a solitary flag proclaiming 'SWF Action!' off the roof) ... but I'm trying to keep...

 

(Producer stunners the Intern)

 

Producer: Get a new cameraman in here!

---

 

Camera cuts to the announcer table, where NTD and Curry sit, ready to announce the next match)

 

Curry: I've just gotten word that the minor video problem we've just encountered has been taken care of and we are ready to present more SWF action for you tonight!

 

NTD: That's right, and I can't honestly think of a better time to be without pants, for we have two luscious women about ready to do battle for the right to face El Luchadore Magnifico for his Light Heavyweight title!

 

Curry: I fear this, two women fighting, both wearing tight leather. NTD, hands on the table at all times, you got that?

 

NTD: Perish the thought....

 

Curry: Continuing.... Mistress Sarah comes in off two rough losses to LDP, leaving her without her coveted Hardcore Title, and she cannot be happy with that. She has a new focus to her anger however, as Lady Red, the Clan's Assassin stands betwen her and a shot at ELM.

 

NTD: And you know what's sexier than tight black leather on a woman?

 

Curry: ... do I want to know?

 

NTD: Tight RED Leather!!! And you'll see that as the lithe Japanese killer dances and prances around Mistress Sarah. Hopefully, they'll tear each other's clothes to bits!

 

Curry: Hey! What did I say earlier! Keep those hands UP!

 

NTD: Sorry, got a little carried away...

 

Curry: Please let this match be over quickly....

 

(Funyon stands up with a microphone in hand, smoothing down his immaculate tuxedo. Raising the microphone up to his mouth, he begins the match announcment.)

 

Funyon: This match, set for one fall, is to determine the number one contender for the Light Heavyweight Championship!

 

('Paint it Black' begins to play over the PA system, as the SmarkTron flares into life with black and white renderings of recent beatings created by Mistress Sarah. The film clips stop at each bass beat, and begin to repeat as the entrance curtain gets  pulled back...)

 

Funyon: First, weighing in at one hundred fifty five pounds and escorted by Mikaela... hailing from Bellevue, Nebraska, she is the Princess of Pain... Mistresssssss Saraaaaahhhh!!!

 

(The curtain gets pulled back, and out walks a woman, head down, with a tight leather bondage outfit. She holds the curtain back with her body, letting the leather clad Mistress herself to walk out, whip tied about her waist. She ignores the jeers and lusty catcalls hurled toward her from the crowd, and motions for her slavegirl to follow. She does, following the blonde haired dominatrix down the ramp. Unfurling her whip from about her waist, Sarah commands for Mikaela to stop at the bottom of the steps, who then does so. Sarah walks up to the ring apron and through the ropes idly toying with her whip. The referee immediately comes up to the dominatrix as the arena lights go up, telling her to rid herself of the weapon before the match begins.)

 

NTD: Awwww! But I wanted to see a good old fashioned cat fight with whips, chains, and lots and lots of leather!

 

Curry: But this is a regular match, disqualifications count.

 

NTD: Party Pooper, at least I still have no pants.

 

Curry: *shudders* Please don't remind us again.

 

(Mistress Sarah hands her whip off to her sultry servant, just as the arena lights turn blood red. Two spotlights appear on the entrance ramp, as the now infamous inverted teardrops appear on the SmarkTron. A low resonating electronic note sounds, heralding the arrival of the woman walking out of the backstage area.)

 

Funyon: ...and her opponent, from the Shinjuku region of Tokyo, Japan... representing the Clan... and weighing in at one hundred forty pounds... LADY RED!

 

(The Assassin slowly makes her way towards the ring, completely shrouded in her ornamental hooded kimono. Reaching the bottom step outside the ring, Lady Red unfastens the silk knot at her back, allowing the ornate dress to fall to the floor, revealing the crimson catsuit underneath. She stares straight at Mistress Sarah, her eyes piercing through the blood red inverted teardrops around them. Without wavering, the Assassin keeps eye contact as she steps through the ropes. The lights return to their natural state, and the official calls for the start of the match.)

 

DING DING DING

 

(The Assassin wastes no time to attack, quickly approaching her opponent in the center of the ring. The two fighters lock up, each woman trying to get an advantage over the other. Sarah breaks the struggle by cinching in a side headlock, squeezing the head of Lady Red. In an effort to escape, the Assassin pushes her opponent off hard into the ropes, dropping to the ground. Leaping over her opponenet, Mistress Sarah rebounds off the other side, just as her opponent pops back to her feet. Her back turned, the Assassin closes her eyes, and snaps a fierce back kick as she senses her opponent coming near.... but is shocked as her foot gets held in midair by the Mistress!

 

Curry: Quick exchange to start the match, but Lady Red gets caught up in what one could only call a show of cockyness, blindly waiting to strike the returning Mistress Sarah.

 

NTD: What do you mean, 'cockyness'? She's Lady Red! She probably has some weird Assassin powers that let her know where her opponent is at all times!

 

Curry: Assassin powers?

 

NTD: Yeah... uh, like... Daredevil! Yeah, what do you have to say to that, Mr. I-Always-Wear-Pants?

 

Curry: I don't think I have to say anything actually....

 

(Hopping on one foot, the Assassin frantically looks for a way out of the current predicament. With a leap, she twists in mid air, lashing out with her free foot in an attempt to kick her way free, but the dominatrix leans back avoiding the strike. Holding the fallen Assassin's foot in her hands, Sarah steps up, wraps her hands around the captured ankle, and begins to twist...)

 

Curry: Anklelock from Mistress Sarah, and the Assassin is not doing well at the start of this match.

 

NTD: Can her assassin powers get her out of this?

 

Curry: Will you shut up about 'assassin powers'? Anyway, this isn't surprising, anyone who tries to fight a technically sound match tends to be on the losing end of fights with Mistress Sarah.

 

NTD: So, you're saying for Lady Red to win, she should start a catfight?

 

Curry: No, I'm just saying...

 

NTD: CATFIGHT! Lets see some shredded leather, girls!

 

Curry: Argh! I did have a point....

 

(Lady Red furiously kicks her free leg, swinging her arms in an attempt to get her body turned over. Sarah twists her opponent's foot further in it's unnatural path, pain pulsing down the Assassin's leg. Lady Red tries to move with the twisting, turning her body enough to get onto her side. Seeing her escape plans, the Mistress lashes out with a hard roundhouse kick into the ribs of the Assassin, forcing the crimson Lady to clutch at her ribs, but also turning her onto her back. The Assassin kicks back with force, pushing the Mistress back and releasing her.)

 

Curry: A curious escape but an effective one, as the Assassin gets out of the early submission hold from the Mistress.

 

NTD: Come on, I want to see these two bad girls catfight! Catfight! Rip each other's clothes off!

 

(Pulling herself to her feet, the Assassin has to quickly duck to avoid Sarah's clothesline off the ropes. Turning to face her rebounding opponent, the Assassin gets hit flush with Sarah's horizontal airborne body. The two women crash to the mat, Sarah on top and hooking a leg on the way down...)

 

ONE.....

 

TWO.....

 

THRE....NO! Kickout!

 

Curry: Near pinfall from Mistress Sarah off of the flying cross-body!

 

NTD: But the true question is when do we get to see the two hot sweaty bodies in the ring? I'm sure the crowd would agree with me on this.

 

Curry: The audience sure seems to be a non-factor, unsure which of these two vile women are the less of two evils.

 

NTD: Vile? I thought they were... er, some other V word meaning red hot! Yeah!

 

Curry: Shut up you pantsless freak.

 

(Sarah starts to complain to the referee aobut a slow count, but proceeds to bring the Assassin to her feet. Sarah throws a hard chop to the chest of Lady Red sending her backwards a couple steps. Another chop sends the Assassin further back, and a third staggers her against the ropes. Sarah doesn't let up, throwing another, and another, the light Assassin's feet going into the air with each strike. A standing clothesline sends Lady Red tumbling over the top rope and to the floor outside. Sarah slides out fo the ring as the referee starts his count.)

 

ONE....

 

(Bringing Lady Red to her feet, Sarah whips her into the direction of the ring steps, but the Assassin counters. With all her strength, Lady Red throws Sarah into the ring steps, flipping her over them as the Assassin drop to her knees in the effort...)

 

TWO....

 

Curry: The first bonafide attack from Lady Red is certainly a painful one, throwing Mistress Sarah into the ring steps so hard they separate!

 

NTD: Hey, anything's allowed outside the ring... rip her clothes off!

 

(Rising to her feet, the Assassin looks up... straight into a chair shot from Mikaela. Lady Red stands up and smiles at her assailant, but the slavegirl starts backing up, hands up as if to convey no harm meant. The Assassin doesn't buy the plea...)

 

THREE.....

 

Curry: Who are you talking to?

 

NTD: Either one, either way someone's defenseless, it's a great strategy.

 

(Lady Red grabs the slavegirl by the throat, choking Mikaela and causing her to flail. Behind the Assassin however, someone rises to their feet....)

 

FOUR......

 

Curry: Not to mention the thrill it would give you?

 

NTD: I'm just a fan of good technical wrestling.

 

(Mikaela struggles to free herself from the tightening chokehold the deadly Lady has on her, but can't manage to. Lady Red tightens her hold, trying to squeeze the life out of her. Looking into her victim's eyes, she notices her gaze off to her right...)

 

FIVE......

 

Curry: You're a fan of T & A.

 

NTD: No I'm not, they sucked as a team.

 

(Instinctively, the Assassin throws the slavegirl behind her, blocking the superkick from Sarah with Mikaela! Sarah immediately falls to Mikaela's side, panic for her valet's wellbeing causing her to neglect her opponent...)

 

SIX......

 

NTD: Ha! See that? Super Assassin Powers!!!

 

Curry: Or it could just be instinct...

 

(The Assassin drags Sarah up to her feet and kicks hard to the Mistress' knee, following it up immediately with a kick to the ribs....)

 

SEVEN.......

 

Curry: Lady Red has her step up kick combination started....

 

(.... and Lady Red whips her right leg back out for a roundhouse kick to Sarah's head, but the Mistress catches it in mid air and without a second thought puts all her weight behind her and smashes her ankle against the ring apron, dropping the Assassin immediately. Throwing Lady Red into the ring, Sarah follows, breaking the count. Immediately, Sarah grabs the weakened ankle and pulls the Assassin back, twisting it into an unnatural position, forcing Lady Red to cry out in pain.)

 

Curry: Sarah is taking no quarter against Lady Red, going right back to her ankle, which has to be very tender by now... wait, we're getting some word on commotion in the back, and we're going to it as well...

 

(The screen splits into two, showing on the left, the pained face of Lady Red, caught in the center of the ring in a painful anklelock. On the right, we see Jay Dawg returning to en empty locker room...)

 

Jay Dawg: What the...? What the F*CK! MOLLY!

 

(Jay Dawg glances at his monitor, currently showing the match in the ring, as Lady Red hold on against the submission hold)

 

Jay Dawg: Well, at least it isn't her.... lesbian bitch...

 

(Jay Dawg takes a seat and watches the match as the screen goes back to just showing the match in-ring)

 

Suddenly the marker begins writing the ending, because he has no choice!  A manatee falls from the ceiling, crushing Sarah beneath its immense bulk!  Lady Red wearily crawls on top of the manatee, completely unaware of the presence of a large sea mammal...

 

1!

 

2!

 

3!!!!!

 

DING DING DING!!!!

 

Curry:  ...

 

NTD:  ...

 

Now, let us never speak of this again.  Lady Red wins.

[Guest BA_Baracus]

We rocket back to the mile-high Denver Coliseum in Denver, Colorado, where the altitude makes every section the nosebleed seats!  Another rip-roaring SWF Smarkdown is nearing its grand finale, but tonight’s main event is still to come, and what a main event it is!  The camera whirls across the roaring crowd, catching quick blurs of signs cheering the Midnight Carnival, begging for Johnny Rotten to bash in some crotches, and cursing da return of Perfect Bo to Da Pound, when it skids to a stop at ringside to meet our always-faithful announce team, Curry Man and NTD!  “Welcome back to Smarkdown, folks,” shouts Curry over the din of the crowd, “and say hello to what promises to be the absolutely hellacious blow-off to one of the most, uh, interesting feuds we’ve seen in a long time!”

 

“That’s right, Curry!” cackles NTD.  “Tonight we finally get to see Sacred tear Edwin MacPhisto apart once and for all, stealing not only his title, but his pride too!”

 

“If by ‘pride’ you mean ‘theme music,’ then you’re right on, NTD!  Tonight, it’s Edwin and Pound wunderkind Sacred in a ladder match, with both the ICTV belt and the rights to ‘Rollercoaster of Love And/Or Evil’ on the line…or, should I say, on the lines!  The belt and the symbolic CD representing ‘Love Rollercoaster’ are on their up to twenty feet above the ring right now, and it’s almost time to get this necessarily brutal shindig started!”  Indeed, true to Curry’s word, the referee has fastened the ICTV belt around a thick wire loop halfway between the center of the ring and the rampside ropes, and it’s making its ascent!  The referee fastens the second loop through the center of the CD, gives a nod, and watches as it begins to rise, coming to a stop at even height with the belt, laterally half the distance between the center of the ring and the announcer-side ring ropes.  “We here at the SWF embrace symmetry,” calls Curry, “but those carefully placed trophies are about the only thing likely to stay orderly tonight.  It’s about to go down, and in a big way…”

 

The SWFTron suddenly springs to life, and for a brief moment, the demented face of one Andrew Loire, known to the laity as Sacred, flashes on the screen.  The screen collapses into static and the lights in the arena dissolve into a deluge of monochrome shadows as the opening chords of “Seasons in the Abyss” drop heavily into Denver!  The crowd rises to its feet, hurling boos and insults in the general of the ramp as it fills with thick, smoky fog.  As Slayer’s metal masterpiece powers on and the smoke cascades fluidly down the entrance ramp, Funyon takes the stage in the center of the ring and draws a microphone to his mouth.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is your main event, and it is a ladder match for both the rights to ‘Rollercoaster of Love’ and for the Intercontinental-Television Championship!  To win the music, you must remove the CD from its cord and touch both feet to the mat, and to acquire the title, you must do the same!  Now, entering first, the challenger…”  But before Funyon can introduce the audacious Australian, the voice of the evil wonder from down under rips through the arena speakers!

 

“REEEEEEEEEEEEEMIIIIIIIIIIIIIX!”  The happy-go-lucky beats of the Red Hot Chili Peppers bump through the arena, and Sacred’s own personal Slayer Megamix of “Rollercoaster of Evil” precedes him to the ring!  The audience jeers with disapproval as the muscled figure of Sacred emerges from the fog, first only a silhouette, but soon a full-fledged maniac making his way out of the smoke and dashing down the ramp, a plastic bowl readied and primed in each hand!  “Here comes Sacred, dashing like a bat out of hell, and he’s got those damned plastic bowls with him!” berates Curry.

 

“I don’t know why you complain about those of all things,” wonders NTD.  “They’re just plastic…”

 

“It’s the principle of the whole thing!”

 

“Making his way to the ring,” booms Funyon, “weighing in at 231 pounds, he is a member of Da Pound and self-proclaimed Most Evil Man In The SWF…SAAAAACREEEEEED!”  Sacred streaks down the ramp as his stolen theme music blares, but instead of climbing into the ring, he throws his plastic bowls aside and immediately dives to the floor and throws up the ring apron!

 

“What’s Sacred doing?” shouts Curry, standing at the announce table, trying to see.

 

“I think he’s being one smart evil mastermind, that’s what!” answers NTD.  The crowd keeps booing the scurrying Sacred One, and as he emerges from under the ring apron, his intentions are revealed, and so is a fifteen-foot ladder!  Sacred jerks the ladder up hastily and awkwardly slides it under the bottom ring rope, diving into the ring after it and cursing Funyon to get out of his way!  Moving efficiently and rapidly, the uncouth Australian flips the ladder to its full height and starts to set it up beneath the ICTV belt!

 

“I can’t believe it!  Sacred’s going for the win before Edwin even gets out to the ring, and the bell hasn’t even rung yet!” rails Curry.

 

“He’s not just evil and handsome, he’s smart as hell, too!  Oh man, this is great,” praises NTD, “the crown prince of the Carnival, finally outwitted!  This is great!  So great!  Did I mention that this was--”

 

“No time to chat, ladies and germs!”  The distinct voice of everyone’s favorite Carnie Brit cuts off NTD and echoes out through the arena over the dying strains of “Rollercoaster of Evil,” and the crowd roars in response!  “It looks like I’ve got to book it like a literature professor on bloody amphetamines!  Hallelujah, bitch, and here I come!”

 

“And the champ’s not going to take Sacred’s trickery laying--”

 

BOOOOOOM!  A huge explosion of pyro and sound rockets out into the arena, and the original version of “Rollercoaster of Love” tears through the Coliseum to a tremendous ovation of cheers!  The red-coated Edwin MacPhisto comes dashing through the separating smoke as Sacred turns his head towards the ramp momentarily, then turns back and begins to scramble frantically up the now readied ladder!  “Sacred’s racing for the top, but Edwin’s hot on his tail and closing!” cries Curry!

 

“And the champion, bolting towards the ring like a bat out of hell,” grins Funyon, “weighing in at 239 arse-whooping Carnival pounds, Edwin MacPhistOOOOO!”  Funyon bails out of the ring and the referee, really only a spectator in this non-DQ match, signals for the bell as Edwin tosses his coat aside and dives into the ring in one swift motion, on his way to stop the Sacred One from stealing his title!  The bell rings, and the Coliseum is afire!  

 

“Thanks to Sacred’s scheme the crowd is already electric, and we’re only three seconds into the match!” shouts Curry.

 

“Come on Sacred, you’re almost there!  Get up there and ruin MacPhisto’s day!” squeals NTD, and he speaks the truth—Sacred’s hands are only a few feet from the top of the ladder, scrambling anxiously to heft up the body behind them, when suddenly his upward progress slows to a stop!  The Sacred One, so close to the belt and yet so far away, looks down to see the hands of Edwin MacPhisto wrapped around his right boot!  Sacred kicks at Edwin with his left foot, but Edwin seizes Sacred’s momentary loss of bracing and tugs hard on his right leg, causing the eager Australian to slip, bang his jaw on one of the ladder’s rungs, and slips right down the ladder and straight into Edwin’s grasp!  

 

“Rear waistlock!” shouts Curry, and the crowd whoops wildly as Edwin grins and powers back forcefully, ripping Sacred off the ladder and planting him to the canvas with a high-angle German suplex!  Edwin rolls up from the powerful suplex and looks down at a slowly rising Sacred, scolding him for his cheating ways with the Waving Finger of Naughtiness!  “Edwin manages to stop Sacred’s secret plan short of its goal with a heavy impact suplex right off the bat!” calls Curry, relieved.  “Well, if anything, we’ve learned one thing for sure from this: Sacred might be eager for a ride on the Love Rollercoaster, but what he’s most hungry for has got to be that ICTV belt!”

 

“Of course, Curry!  Hell, I’ve got a subhuman IQ and I could have told you that!” beams NTD.  “After coming so close at Battleground, Sacred can taste that belt’s delightful chrome zing lingering on the edge of his evil lips!”  Wary of the threat to his belt, Edwin rears back and waits for Sacred to rise.  The Mac Daddy points toward the crawling Australian and begins to stomp his foot, whooping like a maniac and channeling the spirit of the Heartbreak Kid on a particularly goofy day.  Sacred rises and turns as Edwin pulls his arm back…and the Crown Prince of Flash and Panache rockets forward with a blazing palm strike that nearly blows Sacred right out of his boots!  The Australian launches backward and collapses against the ropes, and Edwin quickly turns on his heel and hops to the third rung of Sacred’s ladder!

 

“Edwin takes Sacred out with a massive shotei, and now he’s already on his way up the ladder that Sacred himself set up!  Irony’s a bitch, my friend!” laughs Curry, amused at the quick turnaround off the situation.  Edwin climbs up another two rungs, but a balled fist to the back of his right knee drops him back down to his starting point.  The crowd boos as Sacred makes a quick recovery, but Curry explains it away logically.  “It would have been beautiful poetic justice for Edwin to retain his belt just like that, but we’ve got to remember how resilient Sacred really is!  At Battleground he kicked out of everything Edwin threw at him, even an Encore Cross!  It took a top-rope Falcon Arrow to finally put this Aussie down for the three, and with pinfalls not even an object tonight, I imagine it’s going to be even harder for Edwin to hold onto his belt—and his music, for that matter!”

 

“Damn right!” concurs NTD.  “I still think that match was rigged—it must have been a fast-count or something!  Sacred was gypped!”

 

“Oh, come off it!  Sacred kicked out of the Encore Cross all right, but I don’t think it’s physically possible to get up after an Air MacPhisto!”

 

“We’ll see…we’ll see!”  NTD blows a raspberry at Curry, and in the ring, Sacred pulls Edwin off the ladder and down to the mat, then decks him with a big haymaker from the left!  Edwin staggers backward into the ladder, shaking it a bit, and Sacred rears back with his right hand and lashes out with a series of knife-edge chops.  A few fans give the requisite “Woo!” but most of the SWF faithful sit on their woos and slaughter Sacred with boos!  Undeterred, the Aussie keeps his assault up, and after a fifth chop, he goes low with a stiff uppercut, but Edwin catches his arms, reverses direction, and whips Sacred to the ropes!  As Sacred bounces back, Edwin takes to the air!  He leaps, and at just the right moment pumps his legs outward to take the returning challenger down with a monstrous dropkick to the chest!  Sacred rockets backwards as the crowd roars for Edwin’s smooth and stylish takedown, and the Mac Daddy gets back to his feet fast with an equally impressive kip-up!  After a quick salute to the fans, he immediately turns from the momentarily downed Sacred and heads towards the ladder, deftly hopping onto the third rung…

 

…only to get speared off almost immediately by a raving Australian!  “Good lord, did you see that NTD?” shouts Curry.  “Sacred came out of nowhere and Kamikazed Edwin clear off the ladder!  His recovery time is amazing…”  

 

“I saw it!” cackles NTD.  “That’s why I’ve got this big smile on my face!”  The ladder skids away a few feet as Sacred blows into Edwin’s body with the big tackle, but it stays upright.  The same can’t be said for Edwin, however, who quickly finds himself drilled to the mat after Sacred’s big dive and under a furious barrage of mounted punches!  The crowd boos loudly as fist after fist slams into Edwin’s jaw.  Sacred keeps up his assault and stops only long enough to briefly wipe his nose, then spit a wad of saliva right down into Edwin’s carefully made-up face!

 

“The audacity of Sacred!” scolds Curry, as Sacred returns to punching.  “First he tries to steal the match before Edwin even gets to ringside, and now he’s spitting on him!”

 

“Hey, don’t bitch!  It’s No-Disqualifications!”

 

“Still,” Curry implores ,“he could at least have some decency about it!  I think he’s done enough with the punches, too!  Jeez!”  Sacred seems to agree—despite not having drawn any blood, he’s pummeled Edwin into quite the frazzled pulp.  An idea suddenly springs into Sacred’s head, and he drags Edwin out to the center of the ring before walking towards the ladder…which he folds up!  Collapsing the hinge-support-bar, Sacred flattens the ladder out, points to Edwin, and begins to haul the 15-feet of steel towards MacPhisto!  The crowd heat becomes absolutely scalding as he drags the collapsed ladder the short distance to his prey, then drapes it over Edwin’s chest!  Sacred looks out and grins, mouthing off to the crowd: “Yeah, you see that—you know I’m evil!”  

 

“No way!” shouts Curry.  “Sacred’ll crush Edwin’s lungs if he goes through with…well, whatever he’s going to do!”

 

“Maybe that’ll mean that MacPhisto’ll stop talking for a while,” replies NTD, optimistic.  Sacred positions the ladder perpendicularly across Edwin’s chest, glares at him for a second, and then darts backwards into the ropes.  Sacred bounces forward and leaps into the air, extending his leg out over the ladder—and Edwin comes to life below, drawing a roar from the crowd as he shoves the ladder up and rolls out to the side!  Breathing heavily, Edwin watches as Sacred crashes down, helplessly dropping a leg over the ladder without an Edwin beneath it to break the fall!  Without the give of a soft Brit below, the ladder barely gives, and Sacred bounces off clutching at his left knee, wincing in pain and cursing his foul luck.  He gets to his right knee and struggles to get up, but his left leg doesn’t want to cooperate.

 

“Great Escape from Edwin, looking like a veritable Steve McQueen there?”

 

“What, you mean in the Towering Inferno?”

 

“…you’re such a tool, Nathaniel.”  Seeing the momentum suddenly shift his way, Edwin pounces on the opportunity by pouncing straight for Sacred’s twitching leg!  Edwin successfully wraps it up in a dragon screw legwhip, but as he tries to roll over into the half crab, Sacred rolls with him, floats over, and winds up on top!  Edwin shoves him off with authority and Sacred springs to his feet, favoring the left as he stands his ground, and the Mac Daddy rises to meet him!  Edwin presses the attack and meets the eager and aggressive Sacred in a lock-up in the center of the ring, but Sacred soon realizes his mistake in engaging Edwin.  The Mac Daddy already has the leverage advantage thanks to five extra inches of height, and with Sacred’s left leg on the fritz, the test of strength leans heavily in Edwin’s favor!  Shifting all his weight onto Sacred’s left side, Edwin takes control of the exchange and uses his dominance to cinch a tight headlock on the collapsing Sacred!  With his free arm, Edwin gestures to the crowd and garners a roar, and then he breaks into a short run before leaping, spinning his legs below Sacred’s trapped head, and bulldogging him down over his knees in a solid Midnight Special!  “Edwin gets the big double-impact on Sacred—the question is, can he capitalize?  We’ve yet to see anyone go for the theme music—maybe now’s the time for Edwin to take a chance!”  

 

Obviously thinking some sort of getting-stuff-hanging-above-the-ring thought, be it in line with Curry’s or not, Edwin moves for the ladder, but before he can get there, Sacred grabs his left ankle and stops him in his tracks.  Realizing that he hasn’t done enough to rid himself of the resilient Sacred just yet, Edwin turns around, shakes the arm off his leg, and then grabs it with both hands.  Stepping forward, he whips Sacred towards the announce-side ring ropes, and hobbling all the way, Sacred hits and rebounds.  Edwin extends his arm and runs for a telegraphed clothesline, but the alert Sacred easily ducks it and steamrolls past!  “Edwin really gave that move away, NTD.  He’s got to be more clever than that if he’s going to beat Sacred…”  Not looking too chagrinned, Edwin turns as Sacred bounces off the opposite ropes.  The Sacred One leaps off his right foot and streaks towards Edwin with a flying forearm—and Edwin easily catches and crushes him with a brutal spinebuster!  The crowd roars, and so does Curry!  “I guess I spoke too soon, folks—that missed clothesline was just a setup for a ride on the Looooooooove Rollercoaster!”

 

“I wish you wouldn’t say that,” snaps NTD.

 

“What, Loooooooo--”

 

“Stop it!”

 

“Looooooo--”

 

“Stop it!!”

 

“Okay, fine.”  Pause.  “LOOOOVE ROLLERCOASTER!”

 

“BLAH!”  A frustrated NTD crosses his arms in a huff, and resourceful Edwin wrenches Sacred up off the mat and quickly flips him onto his shoulders…WHAM!  Edwin brings him down with shocking speed, nailing the powerbomb part of the chain and completing the Love Rollercoaster!  Sacred curls up from the impact, and, taking this as a rather good sign, Edwin bows and moves for the ladder!  In a second he’s upon it, and he dances a little as he lifts and expands it again, drawing some more cheers and laughs from the already excited crowd.  Shortly thereafter, the ladder is set beneath the ICTV title, and Sacred’s only just starting to stir. Edwin starts to climb, but unbeknownst to him, Sacred’s recovering with alarming speed!

 

“Here’s Edwin’s chance to hold onto his—no, dammit, Sacred’s back up again!” curses Curry!  “What does it take to put this kid from Adelaide down?”  As Edwin confidently climbs the ladder, grinning and waving to his adoring fanbase like a beauty queen as he ascends, he remains completely oblivious to Sacred’s recovery.  The first thing to clue him in is a sudden outpouring of boos, and the second thing is a bit more drastic—it’s Sacred yanking his right leg out from under him from the inside the ladder!  Sacred quickly snakes Edwin’s leg through the rungs six feet in the air, and Edwin topples backward and loses his footing!  He falls off the ladder and the crowd gasps, but the gasps turned to pained groans as he becomes suspended by his single leg!  “That’s 240 pounds straining down on Edwin’s leg, as Sacred’s got him in a wicked Tree-of-Woe through the ladder!” shouts Curry.  “He’s got to be in tremendous pain!”

 

“I thought they switched to the Euro in England…”  NTD’s bad joke goes largely unnoticed; everyone’s focused on Edwin’s plight as he hangs there in anguish— and then Sacred wrenches the leg forward and pulls down, hooking the calf and turning to torque at the left leg an inverted elevated half-crab!

 

“Solution-9!  Solution-9!  Sacred’s hooked a modified Solution-9 on Edwin through the ladder!” wails Curry.  As Edwin’s leg bones grind against the metal, he cries out in tremendous pain and begins to frantically slap at the ladder!  A hollow clanging sound echoes out into the arena beneath the champion’s cries of pain as he taps out, and Sacred grins and giggles as he pulls harder and tighter!

 

“If this were a regular match,” shouts NTD, “Sacred would have that belt won!  Not fair!”

 

“And if this were a regular match,” retorts Curry, “he wouldn’t have a ladder to help him on his way!”  Pleased with Edwin’s agonized screams and helpless state, Sacred release Edwin’s twisted leg and lets the Mac Daddy fall free, bouncing off the rungs until he collapses in a heap on the floor.  Standing inside the ladder, Sacred raises his arms high and howls wildly, looking like some primal Egyptian king holding court amid a steel pyramid…but as Sacred celebrates, the crawling form of Edwin MacPhisto goes unnoticed!  The crowd starts to cheer, and Sacred’s eyebrows raise!  Overcome with loathing for the cheering, he starts to shout and holler at the fans, pointing in particular at a 12-year-old-boy hooting and slinging four-letter-words from the front row like they were snowballs.  The Sacred One suddenly hears stumbling footfalls behind him, and turns to see Edwin’s arm chop upwards and fold the hinged brace between the sides of the ladder.  Edwin places a shaking hand on each side of the ladder as he struggles to stand, and the eyes of the two competitors meet.  

 

And then, Edwin grins.

 

“Nighty-night, Sakey-poo!”

 

With a primal roar, Edwin slams his hands inwards, clapping steel to steel and sandwiching Sacred inside the ladder!  The crowd explodes into a “MAC-PHIST-OOOOO” chant as Edwin blows the irate and flailing Sacred a kiss.  With a tap of his hand, Edwin sends the unbalanced structure toppling towards the rampside ring ropes—and it lands across them, with Sacred still imprisoned inside!  “Amazing innovation from MacPhisto—the crown prince of flash and panache never disappoints!” cries Curry, ecstatic.  As Sacred tries in vain to figure a way out of his situation, Edwin carefully slides out of the ring, trying to work some sensation back into his right leg as he goes under the apron for another ladder!  “Sacred’s trapped all right, but he’s in the way of the ICTV belt—but this could mean Edwin’s got a free ride to reclaiming his music.”  Outside the ring, Edwin’s struck paydirt—or ladder-dirt, if you will!  The crowd roars as Edwin finds another fifteen-foot ladder under the ring and hastily slides it under the bottom rope.  He rolls it in afterward, while Curry wonders aloud.  “You know, I’ve never been under the ring before.  I’d kind of like to go there once.  If we’ve got ladders and tables down there, there might be some hidden treasure.”

 

NTD looks up.  “Oo.  Like vibrators.”

 

There is no appropriate answer to that but silence.

 

Back in the ring, Edwin glances at Sacred, who’s starting to lever the ladder open a bit, but not enough to crawl out.  Still confident, Edwin rights the other ladder directly below the CD, pounds it on the ground a few times for a stability, and then begins a quick ascent to the top!  His right leg’s starting to feel all right again, but Edwin’s still hopping mostly on the left, using his arms and left leg to pull up two rungs at a time, moving fast!  “Edwin’s not wasting any time now that he’s got the biggest opportunity we’ve seen tonight!” calls Curry.  “But he’d better hurry—Sacred’s finally on his way out!”  As Edwin gets to the halfway point of the ladder, a creak rings out from rampside, as Sacred finally frees his arm and forces the ladder open!  With an angry scowl on his face, he rolls out and plops to the mat, and Edwin double times it to the top of his own ladder!  The crowd roars as Edwin gets just a few feet below the top, close enough that his fingers can just barely brush the bottom of the CD!  He moves for the final step, but the ladder below him starts to shake, courtesy one very, very pissed-off Sacred!  Edwin makes the mistake of looking down and gets hit with some mild vertigo, and Sacred keeps shaking away!  The crowd is on edge, fearful that their Mac Daddy might take a tumble, but Edwin takes a deep breath to collect himself and, through the minor earthquake below, climbs to the final step and reaches up to grab the CD!  “He’s got it!” shouts Curry!  “All Edwin has to do is touch his feet to the mat and ‘Rollercoaster of Love’ is his again!”  Edwin carefully unhooks the CD from the cord and takes it into his left hand, and to his good fortune, the shaking stops.

 

For about 3 seconds.

 

As Edwin stands, he finds his footholds disappearing, as Sacred wrenches the entire ladder out from under him!  Edwin shoots up his right arm at the last second and catches a tenuous grip on the CD’s cable!  The wild Australian keeps the ladder standing but yanks it out of the way, leaving Edwin dangling twenty feet above the ring, his grip slipping rapidly!  “My god,” cries Curry, “Edwin’s barely holding on!  He’s got the CD but—he’s slipping!”  

 

The crowd collectively gapes…

 

…and Edwin loses his grip!  The sudden drop surprises Edwin and he can’t prepare—he lands HARD on his neck from twenty feet up!  The CD shoots out of Edwin’s hands as soon his neck hits the mat and  skitters out of the ring!  “Edwin takes a huge fall onto his neck, engineered by Sacred, but the CD’s still fair game!  He lost it before his feet touched the mat!”  Curry’s despondent!

 

“Everything’s coming up Sacred, baby!” squeals NTD.  Sacred sees the CD roll out of the ring on come to a stop neck to the announce table, and he quickly dives after it, leaving a slowly rising Edwin in the ring!  For a second, Edwin stumbles and looks around aimlessly, but he shortly regains his bearings and slides out after the CD, but Sacred’s disappeared for a moment…

 

“No, Edwin, duck!”  Curry’s words of warning come too late, as Sacred takes Edwin straight to the face with one of his patented chairshots!  Edwin slumps against the ring apron, and Sacred ducks back towards the announce table to grab the CD.  “Edwin takes another big blow to the head and neck—he’s moving but I think he might be in some serious trouble here…but where’d Sacred get that damn…FUNYON!”

 

“What?” cries the beloved ring announcer, now chairless and leaning against the guardrail.  “He shook his fist at me very angry-like!”  Curry just sighs and watches as Sacred pick up the CD, then heads back to the ring…where he stops.

 

“Enough already!  Take the music and leave MacPhisto alone!  Jesus, Sacred!”  Curry pleads to no avail—Sacred gingerly sets the CD down on the apron and utters a bold “Muahahaha” for all to hear before he tosses the steel chair down and yanks Edwin off the apron!  The dazed Edwin’s eyes glimpse the CD as Sacred throws his arm across his chest…

 

“WOO-HOOOO!” hollers NTD.  “Nobody expects a Spanish Inquistion!”  The crowd jeers as Sacred lifts Edwin for a uranage suplex over the chair…and Edwin plants his feet at the last second!  Sacred’s eyes go wide as Edwin scores a desperate knee to the gut and quickly laces his leg around Sacred’s…and takes over the movement, falling backward to drill the Aussie into the chair with a Downward Spiral!  The crowd explodes!

 

“Reversal!  Edwin reverses Sacred onto his own chair with a desperation Downward Spiral…and he’s got the CD!”  The crowd roars one more time as Edwin crawls into the ring and rolls to his feet, dizzily but triumphantly raising the CD over his head!  

 

“The winner of the theme music,” bellows Funyon, “Edwin MacPhistOOOOO!”

 

“If nothing else, Edwin’s got his pride and—MY GOD!”

 

CLAAANG!  The sound of steel on bone rings out again as Sacred scores a huge chairshot to the back of Edwin’s head!  He points the edge down and pounds it into Edwin’s neck as he hits the ground, causing Edwin to shake and contort!  The crowd’s in a riot!  “Sacred took a Downward Spiral onto that chair and was back up again in 10 seconds!  He’s a man possessed!”

 

“Possessed by EEEEVIL!” giggles NTD.  Sacred tosses the chair aside as Edwin collapses, and with a confident cackle, moves straight for the single standing ladder!  Moving faster than Marlon Brando at a buffet, Sacred slides the ladder into place below the belt and starts to dash upwards, as Edwin desperately crawls towards him, slowly making it to the ladder, getting a hand on the bottom rung.

 

“Sacred’s on a beeline for the top!  Edwin got ‘Rollercoaster of Love,’ but the title’s right there for Sacred!  There’s no way Edwin can catch him in his current state!” shouts Curry.  Edwin looks up with one glazed over eye and sees Sacred nearing the top of the ring, pawing at the belt with every step…Edwin wraps his hands around the bottom rung, as high as he can get in his weakened state, and waits…

 

Sacred reaches up…

 

…and Edwin waits.

 

Sacred gets a hand on the belt…

 

…the crowd hushes…

 

…and Edwin waits.

 

Sacred reaches up for the belt with his other hand, rising to his tiptoes…

 

…and Edwin yanks with all his upper body strength on the bottom rung, jerking the ladder back two feet…

 

…and sending the precariously perched Sacred sailing backwards emptyhanded!

 

“HOLY SHIT!” cries Curry, and as Sacred sails through the sky, Edwin scrambles to his feet!

 

WHAM!  Sacred hits the mat back-first from a huge height, shakes his head off, and lays still as Edwin rises.  Ten seconds pass…AND SACRED GETS RIGHT BACK UP!  The adrenaline powered Aussie charges right back to the ladder and leaps straight to the third rung!  “WHAT’S IT GOING TO TAKE TO TAKE THIS MADMAN OUT?” shouts Curry, astonished.  “Another Falcon Arrow???”  Sacred starts to scurry up the rungs as the crowd unleashes an “EE-VIL SUH-UCKS! (clap, clap, clapclapclap!]” chant, but Edwin’s able to stand this time, and he’s had it!  Gasping, Edwin climbs onto the rung below the scampering Sacred, reaches up, and grabs both of the Aussie’s arms with his own hands!  With a wild, delirious grin on his face, Edwin spins, keeping Sacred’s arms locked behind him as the Aussie flails and tries to scamper, but to no avail!  Without arms, he can’t get up the ladder!  Edwin hooks Sacred’s arms behind him, and suddenly all becomes clear as he leaps off the bottom rung and vaults forward!

 

“ENCORE CROSS???” cries a bewildered NTD.

 

“ENCORE CROSS!!!” bellows a relieved Curry, along with thousands of SWF fans!

 

CRASH!  Edwin drives Sacred’s head into the mat with the spike backslide off the ladder, and MacPhisto rolls away post-impact, clutching at his neck and his left leg, both of which have taken a serious beating tonight!  “Edwin’s in a lot of pain,” notes Curry, “but it looks as if Sacred’s finally down!  All he’s got to do to retain is climb that ladder!”

 

The Mac Daddy starts a slow climb, dragging himself up the ladder with his arms and right leg…rung, after rung, after painful, distant rung.  

 

“MAC-PHIST-OOOOO!

MAC-PHIST-OOOOO!”

 

“The crowd’s on Edwin’s side!  He can make it!”

 

Halfway up the ladder…

 

“He’ll never make it!”

 

Three-fourths up the ladder…

 

“Edwin’s got the heart of a lion!”

 

Almost to the top…

 

“Yeah, and he’s got the Hardcore God coming down on his ass too!  Muahahaha!”

 

“WHAT?”  A waves of boos echoes Curry’s astonishment as the irate black figure of Perfect Bo comes charging down the ramp!  “Bo’s here, and he’s interfering for Da Pound again!  Why can’t he just leave again?”  Bo dives into the ring as Edwin gets to the top of the ladder, barely standing as he reaches up to grab the belt, first with his left hand, then with his right…Edwin hooks his arms through the belt as he starts to unhook to the roar of the fans, the sound bouncing around his battered head like ping pong balls in a wind tunnel…

 

…and Bo drives a humongous shoulder block STRAIGHT INTO THE LADDER, blowing it out from under Edwin and toppling it away like it was made of balsa wood!  “The strength of Bo—I can’t believe it!” screams Curry.  “For the second time tonight, Edwin’s hanging twenty feet above the ring!  I don’t think he can take another big fall like that!”

 

“But,” laughs NTD, “it looks like Da Pound hasn’t given him much choice!”

 

Bo helps Sacred up, and the two cronies stare eagerly at Edwin hanging above the ring, swinging back and forth, so beaten that he’s barely in his own mind, when one quick thought brushes through his head:

 

Eh.  You gotta come down sometime.

 

“OH MY GOOOOOOD!”  Flashbulbs around the arena erupt as Edwin MacPhisto unhooks his ICTV belt from the suspension wire and begins the long journey to the mat, clutching the belt tightly to his chest.  Bo and Sacred look on in awe—

 

--WHAM!  Edwin crashes into the mat back first and holds onto the belt!  The referee calls for the bell, but before Funyon can even announce, Bo and Sacred pounce on Edwin like rabid dogs!

 

“The winner, and still ICTV Champion…Edwin MacPhistOOOOO!”  

 

“Edwin took another huge fall, and he’s got to be out of it, and Bo and Sacred are tearing him apart!  I can’t watch!”  Curry covers his eyes as Bo takes Edwin up for a brainbuster…

 

“NO!  What’s HE doing out here?”  NTD’s squeals awaken Curry, who re-opens his eyes to see Johnny Rotten drive a steel chair hard into the back of Bo’s big round head!  Bo drops Edwin, but not dangerously, and the Mac Daddy rolls away, trying to get to safety as Rotten whirls around, a devious grin in his eye as he hits a huge rising chairshot right across Sacred’s chest!  

 

“The Deputy Commissioner is clearing Da Pound out of the ring!  That’s 260 pounds of Naptown Hellcat behind that chair!  Sacred went flying—but here’s Bo!”  Rotten wastes Sacred and turns around right into Bo’s thick hands on his neck.  Bo lifts Rotten high…and Rotten brings the chair down on Bo’s head again, freeing himself with a manic grin!  Bo stumbles backwards, and as soon as Rotten hits the mat, he discards the chair and whips Bo to the nearest turnbuckle!  Bo crashes into the post backfirst, and the entire arena rises to its feet roaring as Rotten winds up!  “There’s no better way to end an evening than this, folks!” cries Curry.

 

Rotten rears back and winks at Edwin, slowly rising with the ropes…and the Deputy Commish charges forward and drives a boot straight into Bo’s nether regions!  “Shattered Dreams!  Rotten hits Shattered Dreams on Bo!”  Rotten turns away, satisfied as Bo crumples, and lends Edwin a helping hand, bearing the beaten Carnie up and out of the ring as “Anarchy in the U.K.” begins to blare through the speakers to an ovation.  As his theme music plays, Rotten bears Edwin to the announce table for a detour, and quickly snatches the microphone from Funyon’s hands.

 

“Hey hey up there,” he begins, as “Anarchy” cuts off.  “Don’t play that tonight—tonight,” he says, pointing to Edwin and himself, “play OUR music!”  Rotten throws down the mic, and suddenly, “Rollercoaster of Love” rips through the arena as a huge grin breaks out across the faces of Edwin and the Deputy Commish!  The crowd bursts into explosive cheers as they realize what this means!

 

“NO!  NO!  NO!  NOT ANOTHER ONE!” squeals NTD!

 

“It looks like the Deputy Commissioner has thrown his lot in with the Carnival!” bellows Curry.  “What will Stubby think of this?  What will he think of Edwin topping Da Pound again, for that matter?  This can’t go unnoticed—tune in to SWF Storm this Friday, and maybe we’ll have some answers for you then!  For NTD, this is Curry Man, signing off!”

 

“I…hate…CARNIEEEEES!”  NTD’s pitiful wail is the last thing we here as the SWF logo appears, superimposed over Rotten and Edwin walking up the ramp, beaten, battered, and bruised…

 

…but with one up on the bad guys.

[Guest BA_Baracus]

NON-TITLE SINGLES MATCH

Johnny Rotten vs. Jay Dawg

- Rotten wins by DQ.

 

TAG TEAM MATCH

K-Os & Thoth vs. Mark Stevens & El Luchadore Magnifico

- Filthy Carnies get the win!

 

SINGLES MATCH FOR THE LIGHT-HEAVYWEIGHT #1 CONTENDERSHIP

Mistress Sarah vs. Lady Red

- Lady Red wins, while something happens to Jay Dawg's imaginary girlfriend.  Uhhh...thank King for the match's bang-up ending!

 

ICTV TITLE/THEME MUSIC DOUBLE LADDER MATCH

Edwin MacPhisto © vs. Sacred

- Edwin retains the belt and his music, and someone new joins the Carnival!