SmackDown from JHawk's Beak

[JHawk 0]

SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (11/27/2003)

 

A day late due to the holiday and working a shitty retail job, but still the usual...um...stuff.

 

If Dames could pin this so people actually realize I wrote it this week, I'd appreciate it.

 

Feedback it.

[MillenniumMan831 0]

As always, good stuff. BTW, the last controversy free battle royal was probably the #1 Contenders BR on Raw when Booker cleanly dumped The Rock for the duke and the right to lay down for HHH at the grand daddy of em all! I miss The Rock already.

[AndrewTS 0]

"No Vince McMahon? No McMahons at all? That's like Christmas coming a month early!"

 

As horrible as SD has been lately, you still manage to look on the bright side.

 

*Takes away Downhome's Most Optimistic award and pins it on JHawk*

 

Let it be known that I'm not about to watch a show that has both the Cat and Torrie in a single segment. However, at least this will allow me to keep up with the storylines should we get a good SD one of these days again.

 

It's nice to see that they're trying to build up the Benoit title chase by having Benoit run through Team Lesnar. It's a classic, sensible storyline. However, why did we have to see a match for Morgan AND Jones, and the actual opponents were the same as last week, just switched around?

 

Since you watched the show, I'd like to ask how the announcers are building up Benoit, and how the crowd is reacting.

 

You people need to stop calling Randy Orton "suckbag" as long as Nathan Jones is on the active roster.

 

I prefer "Randy Oatbran," which was more or less coined by someone else. I think only Anglesault calls Orton "suckbag," JHawk.

 

For the second straight week, Moore is merely fodder to make the bigger man look credible, and once again he bumps like a champ to pull it off. And Jones used an actual wrestling move for the first time ever!

 

What's the point in making Jones look credible? I'd take Demott and Gunn over Jones and Morgan anyday. Granted, Morgan's young enough to perhaps not suck someday, but Jones is a lost cause.

 

Last week, Jones used a tilt a whirl sideslam, actually. So it's not the first actual move, not even on TV. He used a gutwrench slam in a dark match I saw.

 

What was up with Eddy/Benjamin? If Chavo was healthy (kayfabe-wise), I'd figure WGTT vs. Guerreros for a title shot. However, as it is can you tell me exactly what the hell is going on in the tag division or who the next contenders are? Bashams are still the champs, right? Although I seem to recall Eddy and Chavo each single-handedly faring well against them in handicap matches, which makes the heels look like wimps.

 

John Cena overcomes all odds and earns his spot in the battle royal, but one thing really bothers me about that. Cole said A-Train was already in the battle royal. Is there even WWE logic that can explain that one? He LOST to a man who had to earn a spot in the battle royal.

 

Um...I don't get it at all, but in WWF No Mercy for the N64, you had to beat Taka to qualify for the Rumble match...yet he'd be in the Rumble anyway EVERY time. Chalk it up to WWE logic, in which NO lapse in logic, intelligence, or sanity is too great.

 

OK, Torrie's dancing is hot, but end this segment already!

 

I'm guessing she showed complete lack of class or dignity, and was shaking her ass around and generally looking like a stripper wanting a pole.

 

Cena vs. Benoit next week should be worth watching. I understand they wanted to save the match, since hardly anyone was watching this show.

[JHawk 0]

BTW, the last controversy free battle royal was probably the #1 Contenders BR on Raw when Booker cleanly dumped The Rock for the duke and the right to lay down for HHH at the grand daddy of em all!

 

I forgot about that, and I was still doing Raw back then too. Damn.

 

Since you watched the show, I'd like to ask how the announcers are building up Benoit, and how the crowd is reacting.

 

They're constantly mentioning how Benoit made Brock tap, but the crowd seemed kinda split between Benoit and Cena last night. Not really a bad reaction, but I've seen guys with better reactions not get this close to the title hunt.

 

I prefer "Randy Oatbran," which was more or less coined by someone else. I think only Anglesault calls Orton "suckbag," JHawk.

 

I've seen one or two other people use it too. Can't remember who because most people are usually bitching at Anglesault for it, so they get buried.

 

However, as it is can you tell me exactly what the hell is going on in the tag division or who the next contenders are? Bashams are still the champs, right?

 

The Bashams are still the champs, but if you want to see the tag team division, it's been relegated to Velocity for the most part. Hell if I know who the top contenders are at this point.

 

I'm guessing she showed complete lack of class or dignity, and was shaking her ass around and generally looking like a stripper wanting a pole.

 

It started with her trying to imitate Ernest Miller (which sucked) before going into the hoochie on the dance floor stuff. Just a waste of ten minutes.

[MillenniumMan831 0]

I'm guessing she showed complete lack of class or dignity, and was shaking her ass around and generally looking like a stripper wanting a pole.

 

It started with her trying to imitate Ernest Miller (which sucked) before going into the hoochie on the dance floor stuff. Just a waste of ten minutes.

Eh, about one minute or so of the hoochie dancing is alright. It was the other nine minutes that were boring and brutal to sit through.

[AndrewTS 0]

I'm guessing she showed complete lack of class or dignity, and was shaking her ass around and generally looking like a stripper wanting a pole.

 

It started with her trying to imitate Ernest Miller (which sucked) before going into the hoochie on the dance floor stuff. Just a waste of ten minutes.

Eh, about one minute or so of the hoochie dancing is alright. It was the other nine minutes that were boring and brutal to sit through.

So, how's it compare to last year when she had a quick T&A match vs. Dawn Marie?

 

Of course...that was during *that* angle.

[JHawk 0]

I'm guessing she showed complete lack of class or dignity, and was shaking her ass around and generally looking like a stripper wanting a pole.

 

It started with her trying to imitate Ernest Miller (which sucked) before going into the hoochie on the dance floor stuff. Just a waste of ten minutes.

Eh, about one minute or so of the hoochie dancing is alright. It was the other nine minutes that were boring and brutal to sit through.

So, how's it compare to last year when she had a quick T&A match vs. Dawn Marie?

 

Of course...that was during *that* angle.

The T & A match at least pretends to have something to do with wrestling. But then again, it was during that angle, so call it a draw.

[AndrewTS 0]

I'm guessing she showed complete lack of class or dignity, and was shaking her ass around and generally looking like a stripper wanting a pole.

 

It started with her trying to imitate Ernest Miller (which sucked) before going into the hoochie on the dance floor stuff. Just a waste of ten minutes.

Eh, about one minute or so of the hoochie dancing is alright. It was the other nine minutes that were boring and brutal to sit through.

So, how's it compare to last year when she had a quick T&A match vs. Dawn Marie?

 

Of course...that was during *that* angle.

The T & A match at least pretends to have something to do with wrestling. But then again, it was during that angle, so call it a draw.

Oh well. I can take comfort in knowing that if Torrie is involved, then perhaps the whole Cat stint is doomed.

[AndrewTS 0]

I just heard from a friend that Cat was announced as "the hardest working man in sports entertainment."

 

...please tell me that isn't so.

 

It's not only a shameless ripoff, but makes ABSO-F***ING-LUTELY NO SENSE!!

 

Yeah, sure. It certainly fits a guy who only got his job in WCW because he taught the boss' kid karate.

[JHawk 0]

I just heard from a friend that Cat was announced as "the hardest working man in sports entertainment."

 

...please tell me that isn't so.

 

It's not only a shameless ripoff, but makes ABSO-F***ING-LUTELY NO SENSE!!

 

Yeah, sure. It certainly fits a guy who only got his job in WCW because he taught the boss' kid karate.

I can tell you whatever you want to hear, but that doesn't mean it's true.

[Guest JumpinJackFlash]

I didn't like your rating for the battle royal. I think it was at least **, especially for the final four. Other than that, pretty good. What about Forum quote of the week, or am I mistaking you for someone else?

[MillenniumMan831 0]

I just heard from a friend that Cat was announced as "the hardest working man in sports entertainment."

 

...please tell me that isn't so.

 

It's not only a shameless ripoff, but makes ABSO-F***ING-LUTELY NO SENSE!!

 

Yeah, sure. It certainly fits a guy who only got his job in WCW because he taught the boss' kid karate.

His butler whateverhisnameis made the introduction.

[MillenniumMan831 0]

I'm guessing she showed complete lack of class or dignity, and was shaking her ass around and generally looking like a stripper wanting a pole.

 

It started with her trying to imitate Ernest Miller (which sucked) before going into the hoochie on the dance floor stuff. Just a waste of ten minutes.

Eh, about one minute or so of the hoochie dancing is alright. It was the other nine minutes that were boring and brutal to sit through.

So, how's it compare to last year when she had a quick T&A match vs. Dawn Marie?

 

Of course...that was during *that* angle.

The T & A match at least pretends to have something to do with wrestling. But then again, it was during that angle, so call it a draw.

Well, if you're gonna have Torrie "wrestle" Dawn Marie, you may as well have them dance/strip with each other for 90-120 seconds and then have one fall down and the other pin her.

[JHawk 0]

I didn't like your rating for the battle royal. I think it was at least **, especially for the final four. Other than that, pretty good. What about Forum quote of the week, or am I mistaking you for someone else?

I didn't do it this week because I was freaking tired from work and wanted to get it over with. t should be back next week.

[Guest I Got Banned for Sucking]

Well, at long last, I've finally gotten around to registering a new and better TSM Forum Account, so I now can post away.

 

I must say, I was really looking forward to seeing either John Cena or Chris Benoit, and I'd have to say preferably Benoit (- no major reason, but we did see Brock Lesnar VS John Cena for the WWE Championship at WWE Backlash) duke it out that night for the WWE Championship, even if, despite what I wanted to believe I didn't think that Benoit was going over (you can see why here - Upcoming WWE Championship feuds for Brock Lesnar), but I'm sure that they would've pulled out all the stops to make it a great match...

 

... But SmackDown! don't have a say in a Pay-Per-View at all until January, so who knows...?

 

However, I must say that was the most enjoyable SmackDown! that I have seen in a long time. In fact, I'm almost amazed at how good it was. We have something to look forward to next week, but what a letdown for the Boise, Idaho crowd? Well, they could've got McMahon egofuck, couldn't they? Although the Battle Royale Main Event was for storyline purposes and not that of an awesome match, I would agree that ** is a bit harsh... But, hey, this is JHawk!

 

I could keep going on here about other things apart from the SmackDown! show quality this (last week), but I won't. My 'Raw VS SmackDown!' commentary will be posted on The Shooters soon, so I'll give the link to it in here, or you can check it out there yourself (sorry, had to plug it!).

 

See you guys later, I have to get to bed (Australian!) Fucking school! I can feel a Columbine coming on!

 

Nah, that was ignorant and mean...

 

Goodnight!

[Mole 0]

Good review.

[Guest I Got Banned for Sucking]

Thanks a bunch. It's currently 2:08 PM here in Australia, and I'm at school. 'Raw VS SmackDown!' will be finished tonight, which will be sometime early Monday morning for you guys.

 

I don't know about you, but I would've rathered see a match in that Ernest 'The Cat' Miller segment, where he only got pops due to introducing Boise, Idaho born-and-bred Torrie Wilson, as well as some cheap pops by praising the town.

 

The hardest working man in Sports Entertainment?

 

I don't know enough about him to argue that statement, but his segment was...

 

I DEFINITELY would've rathered to see a match.

[JHawk 0]

I think he was referring to me when he said "good review".

[Guest I Got Banned for Sucking]

Damn, I wish I had my The Shooters Post Count on here...

 

[Guest I Got Banned for Sucking]

Hehe, sorry JHawk.

 

Is anyone other than The Dames going to WWE WrestleMania XX?

[AndrewTS 0]

I DEFINITELY would've rathered to see a match.

A Cat match, or a Cat segment involving Torrie?

 

Either way, you lose.

[Guest I Got Banned for Sucking]

Yeah, that's definitely true.

 

In that time, instead of Miller, we could've maybe put Paul London on SmackDown!, not selling his injuries at the hands of Brock Lesnar, however.

 

Against a guy like Funaki, who would be the perfect opponent, and to put London over.

 

What do you think?

[Guest I Got Banned for Sucking]

Oh, and if you're interested in my latest 'iB's Raw VS SmackDown! Diatribe' commentary for The Shooters, click here.

 

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