One And Only...12/9/03...yadda yadda yadda

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

LowKi's back next week to take on Michael Shane...and thus promising us Michael Shane going over ANOTHER of the US Indy scene's finest with no reason to.

 

Scott Hudson's in the back with Jackyl...er...Cyrus The Virus...err...DON CALLIS, and next week's Gathering/Red Shirts & Abyss match is LOSER...LEAVES...TNA!!! And now the Virus is talking about Hot Rod, and berates Rowdy Roddy while lambasting Erik Watts and Goldilocks (who looks ugly as sin now that her hair's about the equivalent of wet cat fur).

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

And just for fun...DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!!

 

What's next? The main event, I guess. Jeff Jarrett and his mystery partner are out first (debuting his mystery partner tonight, SOON), and they're going to take on D'Lo Brown and AJ Styles.

 

Unfortunately, as all Jarrett matches are the same, I'll only say who his mystery partner is, and come back with the finish.

 

His partner is...Kid...Kash...

 

DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!!

 

Promise us a big name and deliver "Indy Trash" Kid Kash? FUCK YOU, DUTCH!

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

D'Lo has new entrance music (ripoff of the DMX song..."What's My Name," I think) and a BOXING ROBE~! W00T W00T~!

 

AJ's entrance video sucks. It's just two stills of the Spiral Tap (just the beginning corkscrew, too), a still of the Springboard 450, and a still of him Styles Clashing Kash (should've used a slow-motion clip of the Clash '03, in my eyes).

[Michrome 0]

It's so obvious at this point that they are going to have Shane beat everyone leading up to Sabin's big win. Let's just hope the win happens sometime in 2004.

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

Kid Kash and AJ have totally, utterly, entirely, and COMPLETELY carried this match so far. Aside from a nice double-team move (the double dropkick to a FLYING Kash), D'Lo's done shit, and Jeff...well...fuck Jeff.

 

Kid Kash + AJ Styles = quality match. Kash can sell, bump, and heel his ass off, while AJ is just...well...he's AJ.

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

D'Lo's in, and there are 12 minutes left in the allotted program time, so the match should go on for another 5 (if that) so a promo/angle can happen.

 

Jarrett with the stuff that barely worked to get over in 1985, and D'Lo bringing the ATTITUDE (get it?). Kash in, and D'Lo clobbers with with running clotheslines, and then a Flapjack Crusher (flapjack push-up into an Ace Crusher). D'Lo down, and then Kash with the Coast To Coast (springboard somersault dropkick across the ring; somersault Van Terminator without a chair) for 2. AJ and Jarrett in, and AJ doubles JJJ over to run the ropes, and then gets clotheslined down.

 

Brown whips Jarrett into the ropes, lifts him up for the Sky High...and AJ hits a neckbreaker! SKY HIGH NECKBREAKER~! AJ is on top thanks to Kash, and Kash goes for a 'rana, but AJ holds on...STYLES CLASH FROM THE SECOND ROPE!!! CAN HE ROLL HIM OVER?! YES!!!

1...2...3!!!!!!!!!

 

AJ AND D'LO WIN! But Jarrett didn't job...FUCK YOU, JJ!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! Callis shoots the shit with Jarrett (probably talking about post-show plans, such as dinner and sex) as Piper helps D'Lo and AJ to the back.

 

The replay shows Piper hit Kash with the flag, thus costing Kash the win. DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! BAD BOOKING MAKE LAZ MADE!!!!

 

**Laz Hulks Up**

 

LAZ SMASH!!!!

 

**breaks Dutch in half, then goes back to normal size**

 

Erik Watts and Goldy are in the crowd, and Callis/JJJ look over. Yep, promo time.

 

"Blah blah blah, {insert childish insult}, yadda yadda yadda, {insert childish innuendo}, smuh smuh smuh." Next week, Jarrett vs...who? AJ? No. D'Lo? No. Sting? YES!

 

Next week, Triple Hulk Jarrett vs. The Man They Call STING!! But...is it for the NWA World title or not?!

 

A brawl between Jarrett/Kash and Watts closes the show as Sting's ripoff of "Seek And Destroy" (and if you don't know who that's by, then you should go torture small animals) plays and scorpions are shown on the entrance way.

 

Overall, lacklustre show, but doing PBP made it more fun. If only the TV and computer were in the same room!!!

[Silence 0]

D'Lo's in, and there are 12 minutes left in the allotted program time, so the match should go on for another 5 (if that) so a promo/angle can happen.

 

Jarrett with the stuff that barely worked to get over in 1985, and D'Lo bringing the ATTITUDE (get it?). Kash in, and D'Lo clobbers with with running clotheslines, and then a Flapjack Crusher (flapjack push-up into an Ace Crusher). D'Lo down, and then Kash with the Coast To Coast (springboard somersault dropkick across the ring; somersault Van Terminator without a chair) for 2. AJ and Jarrett in, and AJ doubles JJJ over to run the ropes, and then gets clotheslined down.

 

Brown whips Jarrett into the ropes, lifts him up for the Sky High...and AJ hits a neckbreaker! SKY HIGH NECKBREAKER~! AJ is on top thanks to Kash, and Kash goes for a 'rana, but AJ holds on...STYLES CLASH FROM THE SECOND ROPE!!! CAN HE ROLL HIM OVER?! YES!!!

1...2...3!!!!!!!!!

 

AJ AND D'LO WIN! But Jarrett didn't job...FUCK YOU, JJ!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! Callis shoots the shit with Jarrett (probably talking about post-show plans, such as dinner and sex) as Piper helps D'Lo and AJ to the back.

 

The replay shows Piper hit Kash with the flag, thus costing Kash the win. DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! BAD BOOKING MAKE LAZ MADE!!!!

 

**Laz Hulks Up**

 

LAZ SMASH!!!!

 

**breaks Dutch in half, then goes back to normal size**

 

Erik Watts and Goldy are in the crowd, and Callis/JJJ look over. Yep, promo time.

 

"Blah blah blah, {insert childish insult}, yadda yadda yadda, {insert childish innuendo}, smuh smuh smuh." Next week, Jarrett vs...who? AJ? No. D'Lo? No. Sting? YES!

 

Next week, Triple Hulk Jarrett vs. The Man They Call STING!! But...is it for the NWA World title or not?!

 

A brawl between Jarrett/Kash and Watts closes the show as Sting's ripoff of "Seek And Destroy" (and if you don't know who that's by, then you should go torture small animals) plays and scorpions are shown on the entrance way.

 

Overall, lacklustre show, but doing PBP made it more fun. If only the TV and computer were in the same room!!!

CoreyLazarus next week:"Jarrett just no-sold the Styles Clash from Styles and D-Lo's Lo Down, gets right back up, and nails both of them with guitar shots!! Kid Kash says he's challenging for the title next week whether Sting or Jarrett wins, while Raven and Styles once again are shafted!!! Aaaahhh, fuck Mantel, I need a God damn aspirin after this shitty booking!"

 

All joking aside, very entertaining PBP, Corey.

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

Replace "aspirin" with "six pack and pack of cigarettes," and you're probably going to be right.

[deancoles 0]

It must be the last match for Sting in tna if he's jobbing to Jarrett next week.

[Michrome 0]

Can Sting vs. Jarrett draw twice? Did it draw once?

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

No, and no. The company's barely drawing paid attendance as-is, so why should a has-been and a never-were draw?

[Mecha Mummy 0]

Corey, I love you in a totally heterosexual way. That was some funny shit.

[Michrome 0]

Why waste Sting's last match putting Jarrett over? Styles is a lost cause, so just do Sting vs. Raven, that's a hell of a lot more intriguing than Sting-Jarrett. Sigh.

[Guest MikeSC]

So, uh, Corey ---

 

Did you like the show?

-=Mike

[Guest Man Of 1,004 Modes]

Best. Play By Play. Ever.

 

This should be posted on the main site incase Dames doesn't do it this week.

[Guest TDinDC1112]

Why waste Sting's last match putting Jarrett over? Styles is a lost cause, so just do Sting vs. Raven, that's a hell of a lot more intriguing than Sting-Jarrett. Sigh.

I don't think it's his last match. A couple weeks ago the Observer said he agreed to more dates in exchange for bringing Luger in.

[Guest Dave O'Neill, Journalist]

Corey Laz for new TNA Recapper

[Guest TDinDC1112]

And just for fun...DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!!

 

What's next? The main event, I guess. Jeff Jarrett and his mystery partner are out first (debuting his mystery partner tonight, SOON), and they're going to take on D'Lo Brown and AJ Styles.

 

Unfortunately, as all Jarrett matches are the same, I'll only say who his mystery partner is, and come back with the finish.

 

His partner is...Kid...Kash...

 

DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!! DIE, MANTEL, DIE!!!!!

 

Promise us a big name and deliver "Indy Trash" Kid Kash? FUCK YOU, DUTCH!

What exactly is it that you want? When they bring in a "big name," everyone always shits all over it saying that why don't they just use their regular guys and push them.

[Guest Dave O'Neill, Journalist]

No, they seem to shit all over big names who dont deliver

 

Tna's idea of a big name is Luger, not someone talented. Unfortuneatly, the talent currently in the upper midcard really aint up to much to be used as a big name - For Instance, i "really" buy D-Lo Brown as Piper's back up - the last time he was around, he was jobbing (?) to Northcutt

[Guest TDinDC1112]

ok, who are big names then? Because as I see it, there aren't any big names out there who aren't in WWE if they have to be able to work.

 

Since when has being able to wrestle had anything to do with wrestling or drawing money? It only matters on message boards.

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

So that's why Nathan Jones is such a hot star, right?

 

Being able to wrestle is a NECESSITY to become big. Hogan could wrestle during the early stages of his career, and he could go when he needed to during the height of his popularity. Notice how he hasn't been a draw since he stopped being able to wrestle?

[Guest The Last Free Voice]

I enjoyed last nights show. Seeing D-Lo back was a plus, and it built several angles. The Simon/Swinger angle in particular is interesting, as is the Ki-Daniels angle. I hope Ki wins the belt next week and they feud for that. The whole AJ/JJ thing is getting old tho. THey need to move on to Raven or whoever already. Sting v JJ should have great heat next week though.

[Michrome 0]

Kid Kash was a fine choice, Lynn would have been better, but I guess he needs a paycut because the redshirt security need to be paid to give me drink breaks. Main event was fine, a good match. I'm just disappointed that this show is centered around a guy nobody cares about, while the guy people have started caring about is going to be put in a wire-climbing match.

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

Yeah, great heat. So that means 10 people will be into it, while the others sit on their hands.

 

A big problem with TNA is that they hotshot bookers. Originally, Jerry Jarrett had a good, solid idea: blend professional wrestling and sports entertainment. And you know what? They drew praise and acclaim from the IWC, the only fans that even knew about the product outside of Nashville, and were looking to be big. Then Russo and Jerry collaborated, and created some interesting angles while still keeping the basic Old-School/SE hybrid structure alive (with bouts of OS and SE taking over, depending on the week). Now?

 

Dutch has reverted TNA from a promotion that booked what worked with what they had into a promotion with dated booking. Say what you will about Memphis booking, but in today's world, it's TOO SLOW. The feuds no longer have much interest, and conclusions are foregone (I believe most of us called about all of the results tonight ahead of time). At least with Russo, we had surprises. Even if they weren't always good, at least it wasn't incredibly predictable. Mantel is too predictable, and the fact that the workers are told to slow-down and "tell a story" in the ring (which many of them CANNOT DO) makes TNA a WWE Lite. The company is just WWE in a smaller venue, with lower-quality production, lower-quality workers, less money, and a smaller fanbase.

 

WCW thrived in the mid 90's because they were offering a true alternative to the WWF. ECW was thriving underground because they offered a true alternative to the WWF and WCW. And the WWF thrived in the late 90's because they offered an alternative to past wrestling days and WCW. TNA is no longer innovating, but rather resorting to things that worked 10 years ago, and no longer work today.

 

My predictions for next week:

-Jarrett takes up too much airtime again.

-More boring JARRETT PROMO TIME.

-AJ is again pushed poorly, as he will rely on some sort of nefarious means to win whatever match he has.

-Nothing will come of D'Lo's return, as he will be jobbed to Abyss and/or the Red Shirts for no reason, or at least made to look like shit against them.

-Michael Shane will AGAIN retain his title against a superior (in EVERY which way - wrestling skills, mic skills, charisma, and psychology) worker, thus making the X-Division WORSE than the Cruiserweight division that extra mile.

[Michrome 0]

Ouch, you think Ki is better on the mic than Shane? You must really hate Shane

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

Ki says everything monotone, and then will say what he needs to and leave. Shane will go on-and-on (well, SCREAM on-and-on) about nothing before finally getting to the point. Ki's mic skills fit his character (no-nonsense, to-the-point, gets work done in the ring), whereas Shane's do not (he's supposed to be cocky, and yet he sounds like he's trying to convince HIMSELF he's any good).

 

And yes, I really DO hate Shane. Remember the amount of hatred Dames had for Ace Steel last year? Multiply by 10 and that is the amount of hatred I have for Michael Shane.

[Guest The Last Free Voice]

I don't know, i thnk Ki may get the title. He's in a feud that has the potental to get hot, and RHK (great name btw) is doing next to nothing.

[Guest TDinDC1112]

So that's why Nathan Jones is such a hot star, right?

 

Being able to wrestle is a NECESSITY to become big. Hogan could wrestle during the early stages of his career, and he could go when he needed to during the height of his popularity. Notice how he hasn't been a draw since he stopped being able to wrestle?

Nathan Jones didn't get over because HE WAS BOOKED TO BE A MORON. They had 'Taker "teaching" him how to wrestler, plus he lost a lot. If he would have come in and squashed people like he did to Moore the other night, he would have gotten over as a monster.

 

When exactly could Hogan wrestle? Don't kid yourself. Hogan got over and sold tickets because of his charisma, his body, and his "hulking up." He was pushed to the moon. He never could go.

 

It is certainly not a necessity. Goldberg got over HUGE in WCW and couldn't wrestle. Hogan got over and couldn't wrestle. Andre got over and couldn't wrestle. Rock got over because he could talk, not because of his wrestling (although he is a solid wrestler). Piper got over but couldn't wrestle. Austin got over in WWF, but all he ever really did was brawl. No one has ever drawn money based purely on workrate. Ask Chris Benoit.

[Michrome 0]

Err, in terms of workrate you're correct, but being able to engage a crowd like that is a skill that only very few people have. Charisma is part of being a good wrestler, as is being able to get the crowd into your matches. Most people on the indies today would kill to be able to sacrafice some of their workrate for Hogan's ability to draw people into his matches emotionally. He knew how to put matches together, which makes him a good worker, even if he wasn't athletically talented.

The same thing goes for Goldberg in 98, not ANYONE could do that--see Wrath's failed attempt to get over in the exact same way. Goldberg had a special charisma about him, and still does. His workrate is nothing special, but he has certain facets down better than longtime veterans ever will.

 

By the way, the hate for Ace Steel is dumb. He had a few bad nights and was saddled with crap. I've seen the guy do great stuff, and when he has time and a good opponent, he can *go*.

[Michrome 0]

Also, NJ lost a lot of heat with live crowds when he completely whiffed kicks and looked like a total clutz.