Bill O'Reilly: Formerly Homosexual Llama Farmer

[Jobber of the Week 0]

MP3 Link

 

Where to start on this one? Mr. O, with guest Carrie Fisher, goes on repeatedly about how he liked her in the Leia bikini in Star Wars, and repeats that it "turned me straight." She laughs and talks about her book.

 

Carrie talks about the story of her book, where her man leaves her for another man. Bill is all comforting with a hint of being smitten over this. "Oh, well, you know, I'd never do that."

 

Carrie stops to once again mentions the Star Wars bikini, and O'Reilly agrees, then finally realizes what he's implying by using the word "turned", and starts correcting himself:

 

Carrie: I turned you straight when I got in the outfit in the third Star Wars.

 

Bill: You bet you did. Right. But I didn't have much, uh, you didn't have to coax me too much. I was pretty much there.

 

This goes over Carrie's head, and she again repeats with "I turned you heterosexual" just moments later.

 

O'Reilly turns the conversation to Oxygen (or "The Babe Channel" as he puts it) and airs some clips about Carrie and Susan Sarandon discuss sending Bill his own herd of Llamas. Carrie explains that it's part of a charity Susan is running, and Bill wonders if Susan sends llamas to people who don't want them:

 

Bill: All right, but I never got any llamas.

 

Carrie: Well, that's very upsetting.

 

Bill: But why would I want a llama, and what good is that going to do somebody to get?

 

Carrie: Well, you don't know until you get it. It might, you know...

 

Bill: So Susan Sarandon's sending people llamas? What if they don't want a llama? She sends it anyway?

 

Carrie : Well, I think what you do is...

 

Bill: Hey, get that llama off my lawn!

 

At this point, O'Reilly discusses the impressions he's left in Hollywood, and Carrie tries to cheer him up by telling him that the Hollywood types just don't know the "real you", and pictures Bill, Susan, and herself all at the LA airport having a grand time, listening to O'Reilly's favorite music (disco, of course) and giving Bill some llamas to fly back to New York with.

 

Carrie: We'd be -- all be at the airport sobbing and playing disco music, Donna Sommer, cheering "come in."

 

Bill: As me, as me and the llama left...

 

Carrie: And she,  well,

 

Bill: to go back to New York.

 

Carrie: Both. Leaving and coming in. Leaving and coming in.

 

This continues until it's time for Fisher to go:

 

Bill: Thanks a lot for the Princess Leia deal.

 

Carrie: Oh, thank you for turning straight! I turned the other guy gay.

 

Bill: Yes, it wasn't -- it wasn't turning.

 

Carrie: This is a pleasure!

 

This was better than the stuff on Comedy Central. I swear to God.

[kkktookmybabyaway 0]

I saw that segment -- still lost regarding the Llamas (and speaking of Llamas, time hasn't been kind to the Princess).

 

Although my favorite segment regarding that show is the one not too long about rap music with the line "Haf mo' parent/teacher conferences wit yo' kids." Oddly enough, that show has quite a few light-hearted segments like the one you just brought up, although this one was ... interesting.

 

And speaking of Comedy Central.

 

On everybody's favorite debate show, which is on after everybody's favorite news analysis show on everybody's favorite cable news network, John Stewart was on as a guest playing his usual keyfabe Daily Show character (always joking/never serious/etc.). Alan Colmes announced they were going to a commercial break and said the usual line that all hosts say on that channel -- The network America trusts for FAUX AND BALANCED LOL2004! News (or something of that nature.)

 

Stewart then busts out laughing and says as they are fading out "You guys still say that?"

 

Funniest moment of the night, imo...