Post the oldest private message in your TSM inbox.

[dutchse.cx 0]

From Agent of Oblivion...

 

What happened to the Make Dames Uncomfortable thread?  I seem to have lost it.

 

Funny story. That spider picture actually legitimately scared the FUCK out of him, so much so that he had another one of the mods delete it. You can get the skinny from Dames, I suppose.

 

Unfuckwithable. Pfft.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

That thread actually inspired a rule on the board. It was a pretty big spider, though. EQ apparently put the exact same picture on Dames' wallpaper one time, and it fucked with him rather badly. Then he put it in his sig for a couple weeks with a caption that said "Dames is a Bitch."

 

Dames was a nice guy about it though, and he's the one shelling out money to keep this place, so being reasonable and all, he had Dr. Tom or APO or somebody mash the thread with a slipper, and all was cool. Dames inspired the thing though when he mentioned that Gheyme, IDRM, and I made him uncomfortable.

 

I had no idea he was THAT arachnophobic though. I tried to actually converse with him about it, but he didn't seem like he wanted to.

[Guest TheZsaszHorsemen]

There's a few I wish I had saved--like the one where Downhome asked if I actually disliked him.

Do you?

[Ravenbomb 0]

from B. Horowitz (March 29, 2002):

That was nice to see him back on t.v huh?

The flock should definately return

Funky look he's sporting now

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

There's a few I wish I had saved--like the one where Downhome asked if I actually disliked him.

Do you?

I want his cock in my mouth.

[alfdogg 0]

This is the oldest one in my hhhruls account

 

From Popick

 

you have been warned, quit trolling

 

 

This of course coming after I told everyone at Vanilla Midgets (which included Popick) that it was me.

[Mecha Mummy 0]

From Hollywood Spike Jenkins...

 

1) On the NWA TNA website, you can buy the NWA CD, which has all the theme music.

 

2) The Triple X theme music is on Kazaa now, in fact, I have a short minute version of it. If you don't want to look on Kazaa, I'll be more then happy to send it to you somehow."

[Guest Retro Rob]

FROM: Cartman

 

"The Screen Name", Aug 8 2002, 01:37 PM   

 

 

Group: Members

Posts: 2124

Joined: 3-February 02

 

Ok, I'll ask ya here so i dont get my head ripped off...whats the s/n? lol 

 

 

Oy.

[Eclipse 0]

This one was from the MST3k Mark. I remember he wanted ppl to write for his site, and I guess I volunteered. I can't believe I even did, since he asked me EVERY DAY to write them.

 

Great column! I enjoyed it alot. Welcome to my site! Want to write another column next week?

 

 

This was sent August 2, 2002

[Vanhalen 0]

For kkktookmybabyaway, after I asked him where he got his username from

Merci beaucoup.

 

If you don't know what it means, it's the title to a Ramones song -- one of my favorites...

 

kkk

[Guest evenflowDDT]

goodhelmet column, Apr 17 2002, 05:15 AM   

 

The Man In Black

 

 

Group: Members

Posts: 5003

Joined: 4-February 02

 

Hey evenflow, this is goodhelmet. Dames told me you were interested in writing dvd reviews. I would love to read what you have to write. I am really looking for proper sentence structure, correct spelling and originality. If you want to talk about it, feel free to AIM me.

[A Happy Medium 0]

SWF match baby!!!

 

This is from Ced Ordenez, I believe.

 

------------------------------------------------------------

 

The camera surveys the crowd and zooms in on a particular sign in the audience. In black letters it reads “Insanely Gay Now” with the first letter of each word outlined in green. The camera then pans to the announcing table where Axis and Edwin sit.

 

Edwin: [chuckling] “What do you suppose that means?”

 

Axis: “Call them like you see them…Anyway, welcome back to SJL Metal!”

 

Edwin: “SJL! SJL!”

 

Axis: “Stop that…”

 

Edwin: “Sorry…SJL!”

 

The camera shot transitions to a shot of the entranceway as Funyon introduces the bout.

 

Funyon: “Ladies and Gentleman, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and is a Triple Threat match. Introducing first, from San Jose, California, weighing in at 191 pounds, Ced Ordonez!”

 

A thunderclap echoes through the Sydney Superdome with segues into “Storm of Ambition” blaring through the speakers. A few seconds pass before Ordonez pulls the curtain back and walks toward the ring, his towel draped around his neck. He slows down a little to slap a few of the audience members’ hands as he makes his way down the ramp, the lights flash like intermittently like lightning. He rolls into the ring and does his pre-match warm-up jog in the ring. He gets into a corner and throws his towel into the crowd as Funyon continues the introductions.

 

Funyon: “His opponent, hailing from Kittery, Maine, weighing in at 239 pounds, Thomas “Tomcat” Menias!”

 

“Stray Cat Strut” instantaneously arouses the female demographic in the audience. Menias struts to the ring with his usual entourage of women. He stops once he gets to the bottom of the ramp and gets a kiss from each of his girls before they all walk back up the ramp and to the locker rooms. Menias climbs into the ring and heads to the center of it. Ordonez casually walks up to Tomcat as he removes his coat and hat. Ced extends his hand out of respect and Menias shakes his hand. Ordonez mouths the words “Good Luck” and Tomcat does the same as the lights slowly dim and the camera switches its focus to the SmarkTron.

 

Funyon: “Finally, being accompanied to ring tonight by Melinda, from Denver, Colorado, weighing in at 260 pounds, “Natural Born Killer” Josh Tupper!”

 

A loud siren sounds as a red spinning siren appears on the SmarkTron. The words “Natural Born Killer” imprint themselves behind the siren and jail cell bars suddenly slam down over the words. The SmarkTron goes black as the combined sounds of Twiztids, Broken Wings and heavy boos approaches deafening levels. The arena lights up as five quick pyro blasts flash from each side of the stage. “NBK” emerges from behind the curtain followed by Melinda. They both walk to the ring and Tupper tells Melinda to remains outside of the ring while he slides into it. Tupper scouts his opponents as his music fades and the referee gets into position.

 

**DING DING**

 

Tupper and Ordonez tie up and Tupper wastes no time in shoving down Ced hard and he nearly slides out of the ring. Tupper makes a crude gesture at the newcomer as Tomcat gets ready to try his luck. Tupper and Menias tie up and “NBK” uses his leverage to force Menias back into the corner. The referee asks for a clean break and nearly gets it, but Tupper cheapshots Tomcat and whips him into the opposite corner. Tupper charges but Menias dodges and “NBK” hits the turnbuckle chest first. The pissed off Tupper turns around and charges again but Menias takes him down with an armdrag. Tupper charges again with the same result. “NBK” looks like he’s about to completely lose it and rushes at Tomcat with a clothesline. Menias ducks it and Ordonez takes a few steps and catches the charging Tupper with an abbreviated Final Surge. Tupper completely loses his composure and rolls out of the ring, grabbing Melinda firmly by the arm. He forcefully drags her as they both head back up the ramp. Ced looks absolutely stymied by the sudden turn of events as the crowd yells obscenities the departing Tupper.

 

Edwin: “He’s…leaving?”

 

Axis: “The newcomer showing up the veteran and I don’t think “NBK” appreciated that much!”

 

Edwin: “But what about Melinda? And, um, the match?”

 

Axis: “Well we’ve still got two guys in there.”

 

Edwin: [sighs] “But no eye candy!”

 

Menias surprises the distracted Ordonez with a quick roll up.

 

ONE, Ordonez kicks out easily

 

Ordonez sits on the mat confused as Menias laughs and reminds him that it’s a Triple Threat Match. Ced stands back up and nods as they both shake hands and begin circling each other. They lock up and Ced gets the early advantage and starts wringing Tomcat’s arm. Tomcat struggles a little but manages to counter into an armlock of his own. Ordonez counters by rolling through then catches Menias with an armdrag. Ced charges but Menias leapfrogs over him and Ced runs to the ropes. Off the ropes, Ced leapfrogs over Menias and hits the ropes again. Ordonez rebounds but gets caught by an armdrag by Tomcat that Menias segues into an armlock. Ordonez stretches his foot out and manages to get into the ropes. The referee calls for a break and gets it cleanly. The crowd applauds the exchange they have just witnessed.

 

Crowd: “SJL! SJL! SJL!”

 

Axis: “Well I guess it just rolls better off the tongue.”

 

Edwin: “You better believe it! SJL!”

 

They square off again in the center of the ring as Menias feints with jabs. Ordonez catches him in the left leg with a signature roundhouse kick. Ordonez fires off another kick and goes for a dropkick to the knees, but Tomcat swats away Ced’s legs. Ced tries to get up quickly, but Menias catches him from behind and takes him down with a belly to back suplex. Menias continues to grab his waist and rolls into another belly to back suplex attempt, but Ordonez rolls underneath him and grabs his left leg. Menias falls forward and Ced clamps on with a reverse crucifix kneebar. Menias feels it, but drags himself and Ordonez to the ropes and Tomcat gets a hand on the bottom rope. The referee asks Ced for a clean break. Ced complies, walks back to the center of the ring and waits for Menias. Menias shakes off some of the pain and meets Ordonez in the center of the ring for another stand off.

 

Ced answers first with another roundhouse kick to the injured leg and Tomcat replies with three quick jabs to Ced’s temple and cheek. Ordonez tries for another roundhouse kick, but leaves himself wide open to an uppercut. The impact of the blow glazes Ced’s eyes and his legs buckle as he crumples onto the mat. Menias pins Ced’s shoulders.

 

ONE, TWO, Ordonez kicks out.

 

Tomcat picks up Ordonez and whips him off the ropes. Menias meets Ordonez off the ropes and knocks him down with a kneesmash to the head. Ordonez sits up with a clueless expression on his face as he falls back onto the mat. Menias checks on his knee before making the cover.

 

ONE, TWO, Ced barely gets a shoulder up.

Tomcat gets Ordonez back onto his feet and gets back to back with Ced. Menias then grabs Ced around the neck and Menias drops straight down into a neckbreaker. Menias then forces Ordonez up into a sitting position and places him into a sleeper hold in the center of the ring. The referee checks on Ced to see if he wants to submit. Ced only makes motions that he’s still conscious, but he slowly fades until he is motionless. The referee lifts Ced arm up and it falls dead.

 

ONE!

 

He checks again with the same result.

 

TWO!

 

The ref signals and lifts Ordonez’s arm one more time.

 

TH---NO! Ordonez thrusts his hand into the air.

 

Ced looks around in desperation and struggles to the ropes. He kicks his leg out and misses the bottom rope. He lunges once more and manages to hook onto the rope, forcing the referee to ask for a rope break. Menias lets go as Ced takes a huge breath of air. Ordonez slowly gets to his feet but is met with a snap jab from Menias. Ordonez stumbles back a few steps but lunges right back at Tomcat with a vicious knife-edge chop to the chest. They furiously begin exchanging jabs for knife-edge chops. Ordonez breaks the chain with another roundhouse kick to Tomcat’s left leg. Menias responds with a left cross, but Ordonez dodges it and pulls Menias down into a Fujiwara armbar. Ced shakes the remaining cobwebs while Tomcat writhes in pain trying to escape. He manages to turn his body perpendicular to the ropes and uses his right arm to hook the bottom rope. The ref calls for a break and Ced complies.

 

Ordonez pulls up Menias by the left arm and puts him back down with another Fujiwara armbar, but Menias falls to his knees and is able to roll through. Tomcat floats over Ordonez and places him in a full nelson while picking him up off the mat. Ced struggles to break free, pulling his weight down especially hard on his left side. However, Menias puts everything he’s got into holding on and comes out on top with a vicious Dragon Suplex. He bridges it into a pin attempt but Ced’s feet are in the ropes.

 

Both wrestlers are just about exhausted as Menias picks up Ordonez and whips him into the ropes. Off the rebound, Menias back body drops Ced, but Ced floats over and grasps Menias from behind. Tomcat tries to counter with a headlock, but Ced gets him off the ground and backdrops him hard. Ced lies on the ground and tries to catch his breath while Menias instinctively rolls onto his stomach away from Ced. The referee administers a ten-count.

 

ONE…TWO…THREE…FOUR…Ced slowly crawls toward the prone Menias.

 

Ced rolls him onto his back and gets an arm on him for the pin.

 

ONE, TWO…

 

 

 

THRE---NO!!! Menias just barely gets his shoulder up before the referee’s hand slaps the mat for the third time!

 

Both men roll to opposite ropes and pull themselves back up. They make a charge at each other and Ced times his sidestep just right and catches him in Final Surge position. Menias frantically elbows Ced, and Tomcat manages to get him to let go. He wastes no time in grabbing Ced and hoisting him up into a stalling suplex. Ordonez flails his legs, sensing a Tomcat Crush attempt. Menias desperately tries to hold Ordonez up but can’t. Ced floats over and lands on his feet directly behind Tomcat. Tomcat swings wildly with a back elbow but Ced ducks it. Ced shoots at Menias and Tomcat blocks high. However, Ordonez goes low and grabs Menias by the leg. Ced gives him Dragon Screw Legwhip and holds on the ankle as he stands back up. Ced turns away from Tomcat then proceeds to apply the Cross Lightning. Menias grimaces in pain but he’s nowhere near the ropes and he taps! The crowd goes wild and the referee calls for the bell!

 

**DING DING**

 

“Storm of Ambition” starts again as Ced lets go of the hold and raises his arm in victory while Tomcat clutches his knee.

 

Funyon: “Your winner, by submission, Ced Ordonez!”

 

The crowd applauds the sensational match while Ordonez walks over to Menias to see if he is OK. Ced helps him to his feet and they shake hands, which the cheering crowd approves. Menias goes to a corner to catch a breather while Ced rolls out of the ring and back up the ramp.

 

Axis: “The newcomer gets another impressive win!”

 

Edwin: “I love this stuff! SJL! SJL! SJL!”

 

Axis: “Is that all you can say?”

 

A long pause…

 

Edwin: “SJL!”

 

Axis: “[sighs] After the break, the TV Title is up for grabs wiWHAT THE HELL?!?”

 

Edwin: “SJL?”

 

Ordonez pulls back the curtain only to be met by a waiting Josh Tupper, who brutalizes Ced with a Hit and Run. Ced falls backwards and Tupper drills him hard onto the ground. Tupper nails a defenseless Ordonez with a few solid punches before Menias sprints up the ramp to make the save. Tupper gets off Ced and he and Tomcat begin brawling. They fight their way to the back as the referee checks on Ced, who is doubled over in pain as the shot fades and we head to a commercial break.