Battleground and its losing matches~!

[The Ill One 0]

Actually this was just a baby step past a no-show. Hospital and new guitar kinda make the reasoning why, oh, and I'm a distracted social slut. Sorry.

 

 

--

 

(The screen slowly glows and the picture comes to life. The University Arena is being shaken by the raging fans in Albuquerque, New Mexico! SWF’s Battleground is ready to explode with full force across the nation with its electrifying show. The setting is a bit haunting with the trench entrance ramp, camouflage wrapped around the barricade, and crater shells all scattered everywhere! The SmarkTron is wrapped in barbed wire and barbed wire fencing outlines the war-torn entrance ramp. But “Schism” is what sets the creepy, almost surreal, mood as the camera pans its way through the crowd and right in front of the announcer’s table. Riley sits on the right with a hideous camouflage tuxedo and a beret tilted slightly to the left while Comet’s in his usual uniform. The outlandish duo is bickering back and forth with predictions).

 

“I’m telling you Duran will just beat Matthews to the ground!” Riley blurts to the jeers. “Yeah then Flesher puts Ann Onita back in her place, the kitchen,” he says. “Well then I say Toxxic goes out triple champion.”

 

“Robert,” Comet tries to interrupt.

 

“Don’t ‘Robert’ me, Comet. I’ll go with Nathan to DESTROY just DESTROY Zed. That can lead to Royal taking that USJL Belt because he is Todd. Oh yeah and then Landon makes Clark cry for mercy but not before I get to see Said, James, and Sly beat the living snot out of their opponents!” Riley nearly hyperventilates.

 

“Robert!” Comet snaps. He stares at his co-worker. “Are you done?” He asks.

 

Riley glances down and then looks back up, relieved. “Yeah, I am."

 

Comet rolls his eyes. “Good. Well now we do have the Insane Luchador taking on Austin Sly in a hardcore bout to start out the carnage, these two are taking the battle front!”

 

“The following match is scheduled for one fall and it is a HARDCORE match!” Funyon’s deep voice booms as the fans heavily approve.

 

Suddenly a cool blue light is cast upon the arena and a powerful acoustic guitar riff plays then vibrates, hanging in the air. The fans break out into a chorus of jeers and Austin Sly steps on stage. The slacker with the shaggy brown hair, smug look on his face, blue jean shorts, elbow pads, knee pads, and black wrestling boots. He just confidently walks up through the trench and glances around at all the set and shell craters with endless possibilities for what should become a brutal brawl.

 

“Introducing from St. Louis, Missouri, weighing in at 230 pounds… AUSTIN SSSLLLLYYYYY!” Funyon announces and it just fuels the fans’ desire to boo.

 

He takes a few steps up and cranks his neck side-to-side as the blue lights begin to twirl and swirl, getting more intense. He does an arm circle for each arm before he walks the aisle and stops at ringside. He hops onto the ring apron and hooks his arm snuggly on the top rope. He stares around the arena before taking a bit of a big breath in. He enters through the middle rope and steps into center of the ring, glancing at Matthew Kivell.

 

The arena lights switch back to their normal color and there’s a few moments of near silence just the buzz of the anxious crowd. Suddenly drums come blaring and the fans leap from their seats! “The Gauntlet” by Dropkick Murphys kicks into high gear, cuing the black, red, green, and white pyro to explode! The Insane Luchador, Andrew Rickmen, leaps into view. He throws his arms high into the air with that psycho shine in his eyes. He begins his walk toward the ring with his green streaked spiked up black hair, the baggy khaki cargoes, the beaten up skate shoes, and a black with red font that reads “ML Pride.”

 

“From Easton, Pennsylvania… weighing in at 201 pounds… IIINNNSSSAANNNNEEEE LLLLUUUCCCHHHHHHHHAADOOOOR!” Funyon announces.

 

The cheers don’t cease until Luchador has sprinted down to ringside and has leapt through the bottom rope into the ring. He rolls to his feet and leaps out at Sly, hitting a surprise right hook! The fans explode in cheers as the veteran just begins to pummel at his opponent with punches!

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

Austin Sly stumbles back from IL’s bombardment of punches and smacks against the turnbuckle. Andrew Rickmen pauses and stops the punches, quickly delivering a stiff chop right into the chest of Sly!

 

“WHOOO!”

 

Sly grits his teeth and nails his own chop that echoes!

 

“WHOOO!”

 

Andrew lunges out with another chop-

 

“But Citizen Sly side steps… he just grabbed Citizen Luchador’s head, OH, and smacks it against the top turnbuckle!” Comet gives the play-by-play.

 

Luchador stumbles back and Sly just steps to his side, catching Luchador in his arm around the waist. He quickly flips the Luchador over and down with a gut wrench suplex! Sly gets to his feet and stands right near the Luchador’s feet. Luchador, looking to flash some panache, throws himself up in a kip-up. But Sly completely shuts down the MacPhisto special by nailing Luchador with a nasty clothesline before he even lands on his feet! He smacks against the mat and is sent rolling backwards. The tough Luchador gets right back to his feet though and charges. He catches Sly completely off guard with a dropkick that sends Sly rocketing backwards, arms flailing, into the ropes! He comes bouncing back while the Luchador scrambles to his feet!

 

OH NO! THE FEED WENT OUT! I GUESS WE HAVE TO READ THE INTERNET’S REVIEW THE NEXT DAY BY THE DAMES~!

 

 

Austin Sly vs Insane Luchador

 

Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout.

 

The Match: Hey! The feed went out after some brawling. Oh well. Drop-toe hold onto a upright chair by Sly. Diablo sure made that move mainstream, didn't he? Powerful Spear by IL. I'd like to see him spear Janus, just for my amusement. There's a two count on the pin. Sly goes for a splash but IL~! puts the knees up. IL~! hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. Implant DDT by IL! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Hooks the leg for a two count. Kitchen sink shot (literally) and Sly gets floored. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Hard back suplex on IL through a table. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. IL walks into a drop toe hold. Arn Anderson-like Spinebuster by Sly executed to perfection. Hooks the leg for a two count. Top rope suplex through a CO-2 board by Sly just KILLS IL! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! But he’s too CA-RAZY to be pinned! IL charges into the corner, but EATS BOOT and staggers backward. IL and Sly brawl outside, and climb into the announcers desk...and Sly destroys both the table and IL~! with a sit-out powerbomb! IL~! counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Luchador hits a german suplex onto Sly onto those ring steps! Wow! That looked Kurt Angle good, but otoh, don’t want to get Anglesault PMSing. IL uses a DDT. The two brawl up into the entrance ramp. OH TIME TO GO C-Z-DUB~! IL THROWS SLY INTO THE BARBED WIRE! Oh he’s tangled, oh, he cut! Sly cut! Eh, I’d give it a .6 on the Muta scale. IL floors Sly and the two head back into the ring. But Luchador fishes under the apron… Holy crap! A barbed wire covered bundle of light tubes that’s like a table rattling with thumbtacks on the inside! Somewhere in this world Sandman9000 is having an orgasm. He slides it into the ring, sets it up near the turnbuckle. Lifts up the bloody Sly… full nelson, oh, here it comes- BRINK OF INSANITY THROUGH THE “TABLE!” Broken in half, I say, broken in half! Nate Webb, eat your heart out. Here’s the pin and ONE! TWO! THREE! That gets the win! Luchador stands up and plays to the excited crowd.

 

My Opinion: Good, entertaining match, it deserves every snowflake its getting. ***1\4. I wonder why the feed went dead. Good opener though.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

I second those sniffles, IL; what a waste of a week.

 

Not the way I wanted to go out, but oh well. Z, whenever it's convenient, I'd like some feedback, please. No rush; I won't be writing again for a very long time, if at all, but I'd like to know what your impressions were.

 

============

 

Inside the University Arena in Albuquerque, New Mexico, the melodic opening to Tool’s “Schism” begins, and the already excited crowd rises to the occasion! On the SmarkTron™, the war-torn and bullet-ridden SWF Battleground logo is prominently displayed until an explosion rocks across the screen, blasting it to pieces! In its wake is an animated graphic of the eight men/four teams involved in the next match with a chiseled “VS” in the middle of it all, which generates a huge round of applause from the crowd.

 

“It looks like we are just about ready for our triple title tag team match,” pipes Comet. “And Citizens, NEVER in our storied history of the Smartmark Wrestling Federation has a match like this EVER been attempted!”

 

“There’s a good reason for that too, Comet,” adds Bobby Riley, with a firm nod of his head. “A match like this is guaranteed to be nothing short of a sweet, merciful massacre! It takes someone who is a little off their rocker to book this kind of match!”

 

“Be as that may be, I think we are in for one heck of a treat with this match,” Comet replies. “Every team here seems to be on some sort of a path that leads to something bigger for each of them, but before they can reach their final destination, those paths must intersect, and that, Citizen Robert, is why we are here tonight! This is the crossing point for each of these men’s respective journeys.”

 

“Well I think some of these people here tonight are about to get knocked a few steps back in the direction they came from,” adds Bobby. “And this might be their little crossing point, Comet, but for someone, it will be the crossing OVER point… and the end of their trek as well.”

 

“Yes,” replies Comet, hesitating for a moment before continuing. “But for whom?”

 

A moment of silent thought ensues, but before Bobby can make his usual reply of anyone he doesn’t particularly enjoy, Comet continues.

 

“I think I’m about ready to find out myself,” He says, “and I KNOW these fans in Albuquerque and the fans at home are ALL ready to see this showdown go down, so let’s turn this one over to our esteemed ring announcer… Funyon!”

 

The house lights dim and a solitary spotlight shines down, illuminating the ring and revealing the immaculately dressed Funyon standing in the middle of the squared circle, having changed tuxedos yet again, this time into resplendent forest green number, with matching bow tie and cummerbund. He can already hear the fans bustling with anticipation for tonight’s match, and so he happily raises the microphone to his lips to bring the wait to a close, and get this bloodbath started!

 

“Ladies and gentlemen,” he says, “the following contest is the TRIPLE-QUADRUPLE INTER CONTINENTAL-TELEVISION, HARDCORE, AND TAG TEAM TITLE’S MATCH!”

 

Funyon takes a breather from his introductions as the expected surge of cheering fires up. Several moments later, the Albuquerque crowd settle themselves down, allowing the lightly-salted snack to continue.

 

“In this match there will be THREE falls,” He says, “and there will be no more than four men allowed in the ring at ANY given time! The first fall will be for the SWF INTERCONTINENTAL-TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP, the second fall will be for the SWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP, and finally, the third fall will be for the SWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first… ”

 

A sweeping silence comes across the fans as all heads turn their attention toward the far side of the battlefield, anxious to see who will emerge from the trenches first. The house lights dim, and suddenly…

 

 

 

BOOOOOOOOOOM!

 

 

 

An explosion of gold colored pyrotechnics light up the battlefield as Nada Surf’s “Popular” kicks in, and the outpour of jeers is quite simply horrendous! Mike Van Siclen emerges from the trench then stops at the top with his hands on his hips, sneering at the obviously ignorant New Mexican fans. He spins back around as his partner, Todd Cortez, emerges from the depths, crossing his arms in front of him like an X and thumping his fist into his chest. Mike gives a “What the hell took you so long” look towards Cortez, and then turns back around as he storms down the tattered path towards the ring. Cortez follows at a more leisurely pace, holding his cross necklace and pointing a finger towards the sky as Funyon continues:

 

“Weighing in at a total combined weight of four-hundred and fifty-seven pounds, the ‘Urban Legend’ Todd Cortez and ‘The Spectacle’ Mike Van Siclen, they are… THE IIIIIIN CROOOOOOOOOOOOWD!”

 

“These fans in Albuquerque don’t seem to be too keen on this pair,” notes Comet, “and Citizen Van Siclen *already* looks like he has that attitude flaring up!”

 

“Well after what happened on Smarkdown, who can blame him,” Riley questions. “The In Crowd looked to be the hottest tag team we had ever seen in this federation up until they were simply mugged of the Tag Team Championship by Wild and Dangerous!”

 

“I wouldn’t exactly call it a mugging,” counters Comet, “though Wild and Dangerous had an edge over the In Crowd simply due to the fact that they have been teaming longer than all of the other teams in this match have combined! Not to even mention the fact that there have been numerous backstage reports than Mike Van Siclen and Todd Cortez haven’t exactly been on the same page as a team.”

 

“Oh really, how so, Mr. Know-it-all?”

 

“From what I hear, Mike seems to feel that the world owes him everything, and wants it handed to him on a silver platter to boot! Cortez seems to have more of a firm grasp on reality, and wrestling in general. That being that if you want something, you’re going to have to work the rear end of your body off to get it, and earn your keep! I can truly detect that deep down in that unsympathetic mind is the heart of a true hero… but what will it take to set the hero free?”

 

“I don’t know WHAT you’re talking about,” replies Bobby. “I don’t see any tension between these two.”

 

However, inside the ring, where Mike Van Siclen and Todd Cortez are standing, the pair seems to be engaged in a somewhat civil dispute over who will be starting the match off for their team. Comet simply looks over towards Bobby, nodding as if to say, “I told you so”. Bobby replies with a roll of his eyes and dismissing Comet with a wave.

 

“Introducing second,” bellows Funyon.

 

The arena plunges into darkness, and for a moment… all is silent. Smoke begins to rise from the edges of the battlefield, and…

 

“LET FREEDOM RING WITH A SHOTGUN BLAST!”

 

 

BOOOOOOOOOOOM!

 

 

“And this crowd is coming alive for the Unholy Trinity,” exclaims Comet, as the stage explodes with a pyrotechnic burst and the erratic, brutal sound of Machinehead's "Davidian" THUNDERS across the University Arena, bringing the crowd to their feet! Terrence Bailey and Aecas emerge onto the stage, Bailey wearing his traditional white trench coat and Aecas toting along his flick scythe as the crowd stirs up a mighty chant:

 

“TRIN-I-TY!”

“TRIN-I-TY!”

“TRIN-I-TY!”

 

The pair begins making their way down the path as Funyon continues his introductions…

 

“At a total combined weight of six hundred-seventy five pounds, The ‘Black Angel’ Aecas, and the reigning SWF Intercontinental-Television Champion, Terrence ‘Janus’ Bailey, they are… THE UNHOOOOOOOOLY TUUUUH-RIN-I-TY!”

 

“I can’t believe they even allow these freaks in this match,” spits Bobby. “Why if I were Commissioner, I’d have them locked up quicker than you could bat an eye!”

 

”Why, because they stand a good chance of winning this match,” questions Comet. “Terrence Bailey has been on a pretty good roll lately… winning the Tag Team titles with Aecas then prying the ICTV title away from Toxxic’s white knuckled grip. I’d say he’s doing fairly well, and Aecas is getting there as well.”

 

“Oh please,” disputes Riley. “Have you been locked in a dungeon or something, Comet? Terrence hasn’t won anything lately, it’s all been Janus, and even though it’s won him a few titles in the process, I think that’s going to do more harm than anything. It doesn’t take much to notice that Janus is slowly sinking the Unholy Trinity’s boat, and if his teammates don’t watch out they might end up going down with him as well!”

 

The monstrous duo step into the ring, and Terrence heads to the side, pumping his fist out to the crowd, and holding the ICTV title out as hundreds of flashbulbs explode! Aecas, on the other hand, steps into the middle of the squared circle, looks out to the fans with that devilish smile while raising his scythe into the air and…

 

SHINKT!

 

Pops the blade out to a huge pop! Soon there after, the Trinity members make their way out of the ring to dispose of their items at the Timekeeper’s table, and make one last run of their game plan as the lights dim once more, and displayed on the SmarkTron is a simple white ankh against a pitch black screen.

 

“Introducing third,” bellows Funyon.

 

The fans immediately recognize this, but before they can muster up a single heart-felted boo, Dimmu Borgir’s “Progenies of the Great Apocalypse” explodes from the speakers, much louder than normal, presumably to drown out the boos! However, the fans are simply thrown back into their seats when…

 

BOOOOOOM!

 

A row of red pyro tears across the front of the trench as the music reaches a fever pitch, leaving a cloud of smoke in its wake and rattling the entire arena! After several seconds the smoke begins to dispatch itself, revealing Jimmy ‘The Demon’ Liston and Toxxic standing side-to-side, which of course, is met with more boos!

 

“My word, you better grab your helmet, Citizen Robert,” says Comet, “these fans are absolutely SHELLING the H-E-double hockey sticks out of Citizens Liston and Toxxic!”

 

“It just goes to show you that these so called ‘wrestling’ fans cheer all of those who couldn’t wrestle themselves out of a wet paper bag, and those that can, nearly get booed out of the building! It really is quite disturbing to say the least.”

 

“I don’t think it’s their abilities that are being frowned upon; rather their total lack of respect for anything that doesn’t involve themselves!”

 

“At a total combined weight of four hundred-forty six pounds, the team of Jimmy ‘The Demon’ Liston and the SWF Hardcore Champion, ‘The Straight-Edged Sensation’ Toxxic, they are PSYCHOOOOLOGIIIICAAAAAAAAAAAAL WARFAAAAAAAAAREEE!”

 

Liston climbs one turnbuckle and thrusts his fists into the air whilst Toxxic ascends the other and sweeps his arms wide, palms flat in his Straight-Edge sign. As he looks to the outside of the ring, his eyes settle upon a figure on the outside of the ring that he just simply can’t seem to shake since From the Fire! The same man whom he won the Hardcore Gamers Championship from… Aecas, and standing next to the man that stole his ICTV Championship from him.

 

“Toxxic and Jimmy Liston are currently one for two in tag team competition,” reports Comet.

 

“Well fifty percent isn’t too bad,” says Bobby, “It’d be anyone’s guess as to which team out of this one and the In Crowd take the Tag Titles here tonight.”

 

“Personally, I think Toxxic might have his sights set on regaining the ICTV title from Terrence Bailey.”

 

“Regaining,” says Bobby, simply appalled. “Toxxic should have never lost it in the first place; that match was rigged! How on earth is Toxxic supposed to drag all that dead weight around the ring to touch all the turnbuckles in a strap match? I tell you there is a conspiracy going on in the locker rooms. All the old timers saw what an impressive start the rookie, Toxxic was off too, and the old guard did everything they could to stack the odds against him!”

 

Comet sighs in despair. “Oh, please, Robert! Has the thought ever occurred to you that maybe someone else was just simply better?”

 

“Terrence Bailey…better,” chuckles Bobby. “I don’t think so.”

 

The Black Angel keeps his eyes fixed on his nemesis, then slowly moves his hand towards his face, extending his finger to his forehead and sweeps it across the words painted on him, “Death.”

 

“What’s he trying to say there,” shouts Bobby. “He’d be well advised not to try anything stupid on Toxxic, or I personally will beat that Bitch’s ass!”

 

“Hate to burst your bubble there, Citizen Robert, but I don’t think the Black Angel is into that sort of thing.”

 

“Finally,” booms Funyon, interrupting the debate, “introducing last…”

 

The house lights slowly fade away, and suddenly, on the SmarkTron™…

 

“WILD!”

 

“DANGEROUS!”

 

The name of this team blast onto the screen as “Y.O.U.” by Method Man and Redman pounds out, hitting every square inch of the University Arena! In front of the trench, a quick burst of pyro fires off before the two-man team of Wild and Dangerous emerges from below to a magnificent cheer!

 

“At a total combined weight of four hundred thirty-one pounds, here are the SWF Tag Team Champions… WILD! AAAAAND DAAAAANGEROUS!”

 

“What an ovation here in Albuquerque, New Mexico, for the Tag Team Champions,” observes Comet. “Wildchild and Johnny Dangerous regained the titles they originally lost to the Unholy Trinity from the In Crowd on last Smarkdown’s Tag Team Ladder Match!”

 

“Like I said earlier,” adds Bobby. “Wild and Dangerous made off like bandits, and once again did everything they could to try and stomp out Mike Van Siclen’s star that up until then, was shining very brightly!”

 

“Well maybe if Mike Van Siclen hadn’t boasted so proudly of how he was going to defeat Wild and Dangerous-“

 

“Maybe nothing,” snaps Riley, cutting Comet completely off. “All Mike has done is speak the damned truth! Wildchild and Johnny Dangerous were supposed to have been on the same side as Mike Van Siclen, and what did they do to help him out?”

 

“Well, I-“

 

“I’ll tell you what they did, Comet; absolutely nothing, except hold him down! All Mike wanted was a little bit of respect from Wild and Dangerous, but with Wildchild being so pigheaded and self-centered, forget about it! Instead of trying to guide MVS down the right path, Wildchild comes out and rips the titles away from a young team that were desperately trying to make a name for themselves, just like he and Johnny held him back all those months ago in Catch-22!”

 

“Oh please,” snaps Comet. “If anything, I think Wildchild is heartbroken! It’s not his fault that Mike Van Siclen did nothing with himself; it wasn’t Wildchild’s job to carry Citizen Van Siclen to success. The fact that Mike directly blames Wild and Dangerous for his failure and particularly Wildchild, has ripped poor Wildchild’s heart to shreds!”

 

“Yeah, well it didn’t help that Wildchild has carried that sack of dead wood called Johnny Dangerous around for the better half of a year straight,” Riley says, glaring at Comet. “You mean to tell me that he could drag him around, but he couldn’t do anything to help Van Siclen? Unlike Johnny English over there, Mike Van Siclen is actually going places! He could have used that rub from Wildchild a hell of a lot more, and he was damned sure more deserving of it! Besides, have you ever noticed that Wildchild just has no luck with his teammates? They can’t be all wrong about him now can they?”

 

“You’ve already beaten that horse to death at least five times; how about you just bury it for once and all!”

 

Wildchild and Johnny surrender their Tag Team Championship belt’s to referee Matthew Kivell, and then head to the last available corner as the other teams have already picked their places, and their starting members. The Tag Team Champions high-five each other before Johnny exits to the ring apron, leaving Wildchild to start the match, along with Terrence Bailey, Jimmy Liston, and Todd Cortez. Kivell orders the timekeeper to ring the bell, signifying the start of the match.

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

“Bell’s gone,” shouts Comet, as the combatants begins to circle the ring. “And we’re underway!” The four men drift away from their respective corners as they each strive to gain some sort of advantage. Wildchild finds himself unwittingly drawing near the In Crowd’s corner, and the Spectacle decides to take the opportunity to take a swing at him from the apron! The Bahama Bomber ducks out of the way, and then rushes into the corner to confront Van Siclen, who drops from the apron to the safety of the arena floor…

 

 

WHACK!

 

 

… And gives his partner, Todd Cortez, a golden opportunity to attack him from behind, slamming a running double axe-handle into Wildchild’s back!

 

 

WHAM!

WHAM!

WHAM!

WHAM!

 

Cortez stomps away at Wildchild’s back as Van Siclen taunts him from the arena floor. Terrence takes a few steps towards the In Crowd’s corner to intervene…

 

 

SOCK!

 

… But leaves himself open to a vicious right hook by the Demon! “This match has really gotten off to a fast start,” notes Comet, as Liston continues punching away at Bailey’s face. “Cortez and Liston have taken the initiative so far in this match, and Citizen Bailey had best come around quickly if he’s going to even walk out of this ring with his ICTV title reign intact!”

 

Despite his aggressive attack, the Demon’s punches appear to be having very little effect on Janus, who stares back at him with a malicious grin, before grabbing Liston by the shoulders and lifting him off of his feet, spinning around sharply on his heel and tossing him into the nearby corner!

 

 

WHAM!

WHAM!

WHAM!

WHAM!

 

“By Zeus,” exclaims Comet, as Bailey batters the Demon’s face and upper body, “what a furious assault by the Anti-Heel Machine! He’s hammering away at Liston with the relentlessness of a zombie!”

 

Riley looks baffled. “A zombie?”

 

Comet shrugs in response. “Well, SOME kind of Dead Man…”

 

Across the ring, Cortez drags Wildchild’s head to the edge of the ring, draping it over the bottom rope. As he diverts Kivell’s attention away from the corner, Van Siclen reaches up and grabs hold of Wildchild’s head, as he proceeds to choke him out against the bottom rope!

 

“Do something, ref,” grumbles Comet. “He’s choking him!”

 

“That’s just good tag team wrestling,” replies Bobby. “You’d applaud it if your boys Wild and Dangerous were doing it, so why can’t the In Crowd get the same opportunity?”

 

“Wild and Dangerous would never use the ropes to illegally choke somebody, for starters,” answers Comet, as Cortez turns his attention back to his other opponents. As Kivell finally notices the illegal choke happening, and rushes to break it up, the Urban Legend sneaks up behind the Aussie Giant and pounds him in the back with another sledgehammer-like double axe-handle!

 

“What an opportunist this Todd Cortez is,” growls Comet, as the attack causes Bailey to turn around. “He doesn’t want to face anybody in this ring head-on… and now look at him! Now that he’s gotten Citizen Bailey’s attention! Look at him trying to beg off! Trying to act innocent; ‘it wasn’t me, I swear!’ Yeah right! I don’t think that Terrence believes you!”

 

“What’s the world coming to, when you can’t take a man at his word,” asks Riley. “Did Janus SEE Cortez hit him? No, he didn’t, but he’s sure quick to want to try and hurt poor Todd!” Cortez continues to back away from Bailey, holding his arms out in front of him, begging the Aussie Monster to show mercy, but Terrence reaches out suddenly and grabs Cortez by his wifebeater, holding him in position as he draws his other arm back to deliver a Knuckle Bomb…

 

 

CHING!

 

 

… But the Demon rushes out of the corner after Bailey, dropping to his knees as he raises his arm sharply, and slams his fist into the Aussie Giant’s gonads!

 

“That’s one way to slow down a monster,” laughs Riley, as the Anti-Heel Machine doubles over in pain. “And the best part about it is that the ref didn’t even see it!”

 

“Mike Van Siclen had better get back onto the ring apron before he finds himself disqualified,” says Comet. Liston gets back to his feet and walks around to face Terrence, joining the Urban Legend in a barrage of punches to the face and kicks to the midsection that force Bailey back against the edge of the ring. They each grab one of his wrists and whip him across the ring, locking their hands together as he bounces off of the ropes and racing towards the Aussie Giant…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… Knocking him down to the canvas with a double-clothesline! Cortez turns to sneer at the booing crowd, allowing Liston the opportunity to try and take advantage, as he drops down to the mat and applies a lateral press on the Anti-Heel Machine! Kivell turns his attention back to the action and, seeing the pinfall attempt, drops down to his knees to count the shoulders:

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

THR—

 

 

But, before the referee’s hand can strike a third time, Cortez grabs Liston by the heel, and pulls him off of the ICTV Champion! Liston scrambles to his feet and gets in Cortez’s face, as the two begin arguing about what just happened. “Liston just tried to pull a fast one on Cortez, and I don’t think that the Urban Legend appreciated it,” notes Comet. “And now, it looks like the tenuous partnership between these two has come to an abrupt end!” Liston puts both of his hands into Todd’s chest and pushes him backwards…

 

 

SMACK!

 

 

… To which the Urban Legend responds with a vicious slap to the face! The two exchange punches until Liston manages to use his superior strength to gain the advantage. He grabs Cortez by the wrist and launches him across the ring, but Todd spins sharply on his heel, reversing the whip attempt…

 

 

SNAP!

 

 

… But as the Urban Legend lowers his head to deliver a backdrop, Liston traps him in a front facelock as he rebounds off the ropes, and twists around suddenly, driving Cortez into the mat with a spinning neckbreaker!

 

“Nice counter by the Demon,” notes Riley, as Liston gets back to his feet and reaches towards the edge of the ring to make the tag to his partner. The Demon pulls Cortez to his feet as the Straight-Edge Sensation steps between the ropes for the first time. He and his teammate each secure a front facelock on the Urban Legend with their inside arms, and then grab a leg with their outside arms. They simultaneously lift him up off of the canvas…

 

WHAM!

 

… And fall backwards, planting Cortez head-first into the mat with a Double Fisherman’s Buster!

 

“Trash Compactor,” shouts Riley, as Kivell orders Liston to return to the apron. “Cortez could be out right there!” Both members of Psychological Warfare return to their feet, and Toxxic looks on in dismay as the referee forces his partner to exit the ring…

 

 

SWOOP!

 

 

… When suddenly, Wildchild sneaks up behind him and hooks the inside of his leg, rolling him into a schoolboy pin! Kivell dives into position to assess the pinfall:

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TW—

 

 

 

But Toxxic is able to kick out easily at two, using his legs to push Wildchild off of him and back into the ropes.

 

SMACK!

 

 

Wildchild goes barreling into the ropes and crashes into Liston, who hadn’t quite gotten himself situated on the apron yet, knocking him down to the arena floor! The Straight-Edge Sensation rolls to his feet quickly and charges towards Wildchild to deliver a clothesline, but the Bahama Bomber ducks out of the way, leaping into the air as Toxxic bounces off of the ropes…

 

 

CRACK!

 

 

… And blasting him in the mouth with a tremendous dropkick! The Human Hurricane wastes no time in following up on his attack, rolling immediately to his feet and leaping towards the now-vacated corner of Psychological Warfare. Landing on the top turnbuckle, he springs back off without hesitation, twisting his body in midair to face the ring and pumping his arms and legs together…

 

 

SPLASH!

 

 

… Before crushing Toxxic’s chest cavity with a twisting Frog Splash! He stays on top of the Hardcore Champion as Kivell makes the count:

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

CRACK!

 

 

Before the referee’s hand can strike a third time, Terrence reminds everyone that he’s still in this match, as he knocks Wildchild off of Toxxic’s body with a running punt kick!

 

“Terrence breaks up what could have potentially been a three count by the Wildchild,” notes Comet. “And that just goes to show how difficult this match is for the respective title holders; it wouldn’t be unusual for all three champions to lose without even being involved in the pinfall!”

 

“Why do you think that Janus is still in the ring,” adds Riley. “He’s had plenty of time to tag out to Aecas, if he wanted to, but he wants to make sure that he’s involved in the fate of his title!” Bailey walks over to Wildchild and pulls him to his feet. The Anti-Heel Machine grabs him by the wrist and whips towards the edge of the ring, scooping him up into his massive arms as he rebounds and twisting around sharply on his heel…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… Planting the Bahama Bomber into the canvas with a tremendous powerslam! Terrence holds onto the leg as he tries to end the match:

 

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

THR—

 

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

 

… But Todd Cortez recovers in time to see the pinfall and dives towards the Aussie Giant to break up the cover with a desperation double axe-handle!

 

“And Cortez extends the first fall by breaking up what appeared to be a sure three-count after that powerslam,” says Comet. Cortez beats Terrence to his feet and begins to stomp at his head and neck area in an attempt to soften him up. He grabs the ICTV Champion by the wrist and attempts to whip him into the ropes, but Bailey reverses easily. He draws his right arm back to deliver a tremendous Knuckle Bomb to the Urban Legend, but Cortez sees it coming and puts on the brakes, grabbing onto the top rope to stop his momentum!

 

“That was some quick thinking by Cortez to avoid that Knuckle Bomb,” notes Riley. Cortez taps his forehead as he stares at Terrance, pleased with his timely reaction to avoid the Aussie’s strength…

 

 

SLAP!

 

 

… When he suddenly feels someone’s hand touch him on the shoulder. He spins around to see Johnny Dangerous stepping between the ropes into the ring, and to a well-rounded pop from the crowd!

 

“What the hell’s going on here,” roars Bobby, as Kivell orders the Urban Legend to exit the ring. “That has to be illegal! You can’t have both members of Wild and Dangerous in the ring at the same time!”

 

“There’s nothing in the rules against it,” replies Comet, as Johnny rushes over to Wildchild’s aid. Terrence decides to turn his attention to Toxxic, and pulls the Straight-Edge Sensation to his feet, wrapping his meaty paw tightly around his throat! But, before he can lift Toxxic up to deliver a chokeslam, Johnny and Wildchild rush over to stop him.

 

“What do you think is going on,” wonders Comet, as Johnny whispers into Bailey’s ear.

 

“There’s about to be a mugging, that’s what’s going on,” roars Bobby, as Terrence scoops Toxxic up off of the canvas, dropping him back down with a conventional Scoop Slam. Wildchild races to his team’s corner, and Bailey puts his massive body into motion as Johnny bends down and locks his arms underneath Toxxic’s legs, falling backwards to launch the Straight-Edge Sensation with a slingshot…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… Just as the ICTV Champion lumbers off of the ropes to level him with a massive lariat! The crowd voices their approval at the hideous impact as Toxxic falls backwards onto Johnny’s knees…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… When the Tropical Tumbler sails off of the top turnbuckle, extending his right leg as he smashes into Toxxic’s throat with a guillotine legdrop! The crowd once again let out a tremendous roar as Wild and Dangerous get to their feet, celebrating alongside the Anti-Heel Machine!

 

“This is an atrocity,” growls Riley. “They’ve turned this into a handicap match! Kivell needs to do something about this!”

 

“What can he do,” asks Comet, as Johnny suggests another idea to the ICTV Champion. “Under the rules of this match, what they’re doing is as legal as a headlock!”

 

“Have it your way, Comet,” sputters Riley. “I know that, in your eyes, your favorites can do no wrong. Just as long as you know that I’m going to make you eat your words when the tables are turned… and believe me, they WILL be turned!” Wild and Dangerous pull Toxxic to his feet and then each grab a wrist as they whip him into the ropes. The Tag Team Champions each hook one of Toxxic’s arms as he rebounds and lifts him into the air with a double hiptoss, but instead of dropping him back to the canvas, they drop him into the waiting arms of the Aussie Giant!

 

“Oh no,” moans Comet, as Wild and Dangerous each take a position alongside Bailey. “This looks a lot like the maneuver they used in the ladder match back on Smarkdown! Only instead of pulling Toxxic off of the turnbuckle, they’re going to have the added strength of the massive Terrence!” Bailey lifts the Straight-Edge Sensation up to eye level, and Johnny and Wildchild leap into the air, each grabbing a side of Toxxic…

 

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… AS THEY HELP TERRENCE PULVERIZE TOXXIC WITH A BONE-SHATTERING TRIPLE-TEAM POWERBOMB!

 

 

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

 

 

“By Thor’s Hammer,” shrieks Comet. “What a TREMENDOUS powerbomb! I can’t imagine that Toxxic is going to be able to get up from that!” Wild and Dangerous high-five each other, exchanging a glance and nodding as Terrance panders to the crowd. The Anti-Heel Machine turns back around to find out what they’re going to do next…

 

 

CRACK!

 

 

… WHEN THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS KNOCK HIM SILLY WITH A TOOTH-JARRING DOUBLE-SUPERKICK!

 

“Chicklet Buster,” shouts Comet. “They caught Terrence napping with the Chicklet Buster!”

 

“It was a double cross,” laughs Riley, as Johnny and Wildchild each grab one of Bailey’s arms. “It was all a setup to get him to drop his guard!” Wild and Dangerous launch the Massive Aussie across the ring, leaping into the air as he bounces off of the ropes…

 

 

CRACK!

 

 

… And blasting him with a double-dropkick that sends him tumbling over the top rope and down to the arena floor!

 

“Wild and Dangerous have taken out the ICTV Champion,” shouts Comet. “And now, they have a golden opportunity to end this fall! If they can just decide which one to get the pinfall on Toxxic!”

 

Wildchild motions for Johnny to take the pin and takes a step back, giving the Barracuda plenty of room as he drops down over Toxxic.

 

“Looks like he’s going to give his partner a try at gaining the title, such a…wait… WATCH OUT,” warns Comet, as Wildchild inadvertently backs himself right into the In Crowd’s corner and…

 

WHAM!

 

Right into a skull-shocking punch to the back of the head by Mike Van Siclen! Kivell, on his knees, sits up and calls for the tag, then turns back towards the pin attempt to finally count it.

 

ONE!

 

Mike barrels into the ring and streaks right past Wildchild, making a beeline towards Johnny.

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

THR—WHAM!

 

 

Van Siclen’s foot goes sailing right into Johnny’s jaw knocking him completely off the Straight-Edged Sensation, and breaking the pin! Johnny clasps onto his jaw, rolling from side-to-side on his back, and Mike steps in…

 

WHACK!

 

… And Wildchild RACES in, swinging his leg out and nailing Mike in the back of the head with a stiff leg lariat!

 

“What was that,” cries Bobby. “Wildchild is supposed to have made his exit to the apron; he’s not legal anymore!”

 

“Maybe if Mike Van Siclen hadn’t tagged himself in by socking the Bahama Bomber in the back of the head, Wildchild would have,” counters Comet. “He also ruined what could have been the fist fall for this match!”

 

Kivell barks at Wildchild to return to his corner, but his orders seemingly fall on deaf ears as the Bahaman chases after Mike, forcing the referee to step in and remove Wildchild from the ring himself!

 

“About damned time Kivell started doing his job,” spits Riley. But the second Kivell’s back is turned, Mike gets back to his feet, immediately putting his foot across Johnny’s throat as he grabs onto the ropes, using them to balance himself while putting all his weight on Johnny’s neck, and choking the life out of the Barracuda! “And Mike Van Siclen is taking a golden opportunity to get the edge in this match!”

 

Wildchild sees his partner in distress as he glances over Kivell’s shoulder, and finally yields to the ref’s demands in order to save his partner from certain doom. Unfortunately, Matthew Kivell still fails to see any of the illegal tactics by Mike Van Siclen, for the moment he spins back around, Mike ceases his devious behavior, opting to instead pull the Barracuda up to his feet with a handful of hair!

 

Meanwhile, as all this has transpired, Toxxic has managed to crawl his way to the Psychological Warfare corner, and reaches up, tagging in Jimmy Liston!

 

“Finally,” says Riley. “Toxxic makes the MUCH needed tag to his partner, and here comes the Demon!”

 

Mike quickly lets go of Johnny, letting the Secret Agent fall to the mat as Liston storms his way across the ring towards him! He braces himself and offers up a punch, but Jimmy swings his forearm up for the block…

 

WHAM

 

… And SLAMS his fist into Van Siclen’s mouth, nearly knocking his teeth through the back of his skull! Mike staggers backward holding his mouth and the Demon closes in rapidly, pulling back on Van Siclen’s arm and slamming his fist into the Spectacle’s noggin for the second time in a row!

 

“And Jimmy Liston is packing a loaded fist tonight,” exclaims Riley. “Though I’d rather he join forces with Mike Van Siclen to take out the rest of these dirt-bags instead of fighting him.”

 

“He’s already got a teammate,” replies Comet, “and it isn’t Mike Van Siclen! However, I am pleasantly surprised that they didn’t team up.”

 

Mike staggers aimlessly, having taken quite a series of shots and Liston hunkers down, waiting for the Spectacle to turn towards him…

 

 

… Just a little further…

 

 

… A little more…

 

 

… There we go…

 

 

… And…

 

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

LISTON RUSHES IN, SPEARING VAN SICLEN, AND SLAMMING MIKE’S BACK INTO THE RINGPOST WITH A SICKENING THUD!

 

“The Hunt,” exclaims Comet. “That’ll take the starch out of you, that’s for sure!” Liston pops back up to his feet and, finding himself standing only several feet away from Aecas…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… Socks the Black Angel right in the mouth, knocking him off the apron!

 

“Look at that,” shouts Bobby. “I think Liston caught Aecas taking a nap over there!”

 

“What do you expect,” roars Comet. “Aecas has been patiently waiting for a tag to come his way this whole match.”

 

Aecas pops back up to his feet with a vicious growl, then slides into the ring to extract some revenge on the Demon!

 

“I don’t think so,” snickers Riley, as Kivell swoops in to block Aecas from his illegal entry. The Black Angel tries to reason with the ref, but Kivell will hear none of it! He orders Aecas back to his corner, and…

 

“Oh no,” groans Comet, watching the Straight-Edged Sensation sneak back into the ring. “Liston was merely trying to goad Aecas into the ring as a distraction so he and Toxxic could partake in some DASTARDLY HEEL TACTICS~!”

 

Liston and Toxxic batter Van Siclen’s body indiscriminately, grinding him into the canvas while, several feet away, Johnny Dangerous rises to his feet. He catches a good eyeful of the Psychological Warfare’s little powwow, then takes off across the ring in the opposite direction into the ropes, looking to spring back towards the unsuspecting pair…

 

CRASH!

 

… But Terrence Bailey reaches up, grabs the top rope, and pulls down on it just as Johnny prepares to bounce off, sending him tumbling right out of the ring all the way to the thinly padded concrete floor!

 

OOOOOOOH!

 

The crowd gasps audibly as Johnny lands face first, and the Aussie Giant kicks his foot into the side of Dangerous’ ribs, then spits on the Secret Agent before turning to enter the ring.

 

“I guess that was for double-crossing Terrence earlier,” Comet speculates. “Nonetheless, Citizen Bailey is still one of the legal men in this match, and he looks ready to make his presence felt!” Terrence tramples across the ring, rearing back on his mighty fist as he closes in on Toxxic and Liston…

 

WHAAAAM!

 

…And unloads a Knuckle Bomb into the side of the Demon’s head, catching him by total surprise, to a mighty roar of the crowd! Toxxic’s head bolts up, startled by the sudden attack, and Bailey swings his fist out again, only this time setting his sights on the Straight-Edged Sensation!

 

WHOOSH!

 

“Nothing but air,” shouts Bobby, as Toxxic ducks down just in the nick-o-time, and Bailey’s fist barely grazes the Hardcore Champion’s hair! “Not that it’d even matter anyway, Toxxic isn’t one of the legal men,”

 

“Then maybe he should step out onto the apron,” roars Comet, clearly growing agitated.

 

Toxxic pops up behind Janus and sinks a foot into the back of Bailey’s knee, momentarily knocking the Aussie Giant off balance, and dropping him to his hands and knees just as Aecas steps back out onto the apron, freeing up Kivell’s attention.

 

“OUT OF THE RING,” shouts Kivell, before Toxxic has the chance to capitalize on Terrence. The Straight-Edger innocently throws up his hands as he backpedals towards his corner, while on the other side, his partner, Jimmy Liston, rises to his feet. The Demon clutches his face gingerly, clearly still stunned from the Knuckle Bomb…

 

Smack!

 

And aimlessly wonders into the Trinity’s corner, giving Aecas the opportunity to reach out and make the blind tag! Kivell hears the slap and swivels his head around, calling the tag legal, and the Albuquerque fans let out a booming cheer!

 

“Aecas is finally in,” cheers Comet, “and we now have both of Trinity members legal at the same time!”

 

Toxxic’s eyes grow to the size of grapefruits, and he quickly darts to his corner as the Black Angel streaks towards him! He makes it to safety, much to the dismay of the crowd who show their opinion of the matter with a vociferous BOO, but none the less… Toxxic sighs in relief and wipes his hand across his brow.

 

“Oh, Come on,” growls Comet. “He’s been talking his trash for months now to Aecas, and the second the Black Angel gets in there, Toxxic runs for the hills!”

 

“But he wasn’t legal,” says Bobby. “Toxxic was just following Matthew Kivell’s orders.”

 

“Oh, so he follows the ref’s orders when the going gets tough then, and only then?”

 

Aecas stops just in front of the grinning Straight-Edged Sensation, growling in bitterness that he can’t get at the little shit yet…

 

SMACK!

 

…And Toxxic slaps the taste right out of Aecas’ mouth from the safety of the turnbuckle! Kivell, once more, catches sight of it and calls for the legal tag.

 

“WHAT,” roars Comet, simply appalled. “That CAN’T be right!”

 

“Oh but it is,” snorts Riley, “Toxxic is now legal…while Aecas isn’t!”

 

Aecas, angered by the cheap shot, reaches out for the Hardcore Champion, but Kivell is already on him, ordering him out of the ring as a snickering Straight-Edger slides into the ring. Meanwhile, as all this is going down, Mike Van Siclen has managed to sneak away from the war zone…

 

“But he’s headed for the wrong corner,” shrieks Bobby, as Mike unintentionally heads towards Wildchild. “Come on, Mike, open up your cotton-picking eyes!” The Caribbean Cruiser waits eagerly for Van Siclen to get within striking distance…

 

 

CRACK!

 

 

… However, before Mike reaches Wildchild, Cortez dashes across the ring apron and Bahama Bomber and cranks his elbow into the Caribbean’s temple, dazing him for an instant! That instant, as it turns out, is all the time the Urban Legend needs. He grabs the side of Wildchild’s head, and pulls back on it…

 

WHAM!

 

…And SLAMS Wildchild’s forehead into the top of the turnbuckle, popping the Bahaman right off the apron, and sending him crashing to the floor!

 

“Drat,” curses Comet. “There goes that amusing thought.”

 

Todd quickly grabs onto the tag rope and reaches out for his partner, receiving the tag…

 

Smack!

 

“And Kivell’s calling it legal,” questions Comet. “He’s not even in his proper corner!”

 

“Show me where in the rulebooks that it says you have to be in a particular corner for the tag to be legal!”

 

Todd steps into the ring, but then stops to survey the action, as he realizes that diverting Kivell’s attention in order to legalize his tag allowed the ruckus across the ring the chance to get completely out of control! Terrence clawing at Toxxic, with Aecas trying to get his licks in… all the while the ref tries his hardest to get the illegal men out of the ring.

 

“That may just be the smartest move for Todd Cortez right now,” says Comet. “Just wait for that train wreck to get cleared up before adding another car to the mess.”

 

“Maybe not though,” adds Bobby, a finger pointing to the side of the ring where Johnny Dangerous is sneaking back in. “I think that moron Secret Agent is about to add to the confusion.”

 

Todd notices this as well, and as Johnny gets back to his feet…

 

SMACK!

 

… Cortez unloads with a Shotei palm strike to Johnny’s face, hitting him right between the eyes! Johnny stumbles backwards, the blow catching him off guard, and offers little resistance as the Urban Legend grabs him by the throat! Todd drapes one of the Barracuda’s arms over his shoulder, then grabs onto Johnny’s midsection and lifts him up for a choke-slam…

 

WHAM!

 

… BEFORE PASTING JOHNNY BACK-FIRST INTO THE MAT AS HE SITS OUT, POWER-BOMB STYLE, INTO A MIRACLE ECSTASY BOMB!

 

“Urban Assault,” calls Comet, “That could be enough for Todd Cortez to get a pin…though Johnny’s sure to have more life in him than that!”

 

Cortez drops down, placing both palms into Johnny’s chest and, much to his pleasure, Kivell sees the pin and leaves his struggle with trying to clear up the Aecas-Janus-Toxxic-Liston muddle, leaving the four to their own devices. Kivell drops to his knees, and immediately begins to deliver the count.

 

ONEEE!

 

 

Johnny’s eyes open, but before he can get a shoulder up, Cortez gets his feet up on the ropes, adding more leverage onto Johnny than the Barracuda can power out of!

 

 

TWOOO!

 

 

“HE’S HAS HIS FEET ON THE ROPES,” shouts Comet, “but I don’t think Citizen Kivell sees it!”

 

 

 

 

 

THREEEEEE!

 

 

“NEW CHAMPION,” exclaims Bobby. “The In Crowd gets the first fall!”

 

“That shouldn’t be counted,” disputes Comet. “Citizen Cortez’s feet where on the ropes.”

 

“I don’t see any such thing,” says Riley innocently, deliberately waiting until Cortez drops his feet back down to the mat before looking towards the ropes. “Looks like a clean pin to me!”

 

The Referee turns in the timekeeper’s direction, signaling for the end of the first fall!

 

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

 

And, at the sound of the bell, all the other action stops. Terrence’s mouth drops to the canvas as he realizes just what happened, and it’s cemented as Funyon makes the announcement.

 

“The winner of the first fall,” booms Funyon, leaping up from his seat, “and the NEEEEW SMARTMARK WRESTLING FEDERATION INTERCONTINENTAL-TELEVISION CHAMPIOOOOOON… ‘URBAN LEGEND’ TOOOOD CORTEEEEEEZ!!!”

 

“NOOOOOO,” shouts Terrence, simply livid! He storms across the ring towards Cortez, but the Urban Legend bails out of the ring before the Aussie Giant can even get there.

 

“Terrence had better watch out there,” warns Comet, “with the first fall over with, this match is now Hardcore rules and the Hardcore Gamers Championship is up for grabs now as well! Terrence will have to wait and settle the score with Todd Cortez at another time.”

 

 

Van Siclen looks up, surprised by the sudden pinfall as well, and his blood pressure begins to rise as he realizes that his tag team partner achieved the pinfall. Furious, the Spectacle runs around the ring to meet his partner, but instead of congratulating him, begins bellowing at him, blaming him for robbing him of his title opportunity. But the Urban Legend looks back at him with unsympathetic eyes, as if to say, “Hey, you would have done the same thing!”

 

“There appears to be some tension among the In Crowd,” notes Comet, as Cortez and Van Siclen continue bickering.

 

“Well, can you blame Van Siclen,” asks Riley. Here he is, helping Todd Cortez get his foot into the door of this business, and how does Cortez repay him? By stealing a title opportunity out from under his nose!”

 

Meanwhile, Johnny gets to his feet and sneaks up behind the still shocked Terrence Bailey. He spins the Anti-Heel Machine around and begins punching him in the face as Toxxic, in all the confusion, beckons Liston to come back into the ring, pointing emphatically at the canvas. Liston’s face screws up in irritation, but slides into the ring and lies on his back without much argument. Toxxic lies on top of him and applies a lateral press, and shouts at Kivell to count the pinfall.

 

“What the deuce is this,” roars Comet. “What do those two think that they’re doing?”

 

“That’s called teamwork, Comet,” answers Bobby. “Liston’s trying to do the honorable thing by helping his partner hold on to the Hardcore Title.”

 

“Well, unfortunately for him,” replies Comet, “he forgot that his partner isn’t currently the legal man, and any pin would therefore be invalidated!” Surely enough, Kivell steadfastly refuses to count the pinfall attempt, repeatedly insisting that he can’t count it because Liston isn’t the legal man. Meanwhile, the entire hullabaloo has attracted the attention of the other participants in the match. Enraged by the chicanery that Psychological Warfare just tried to pull off, the other six men all converge on them in the center of the ring!

 

“Uh oh,” moans Comet. “It looks like Psychological Warfare’s gambit is about to backfire in the worst possible way!” Wildchild, Johnny, Terrence, Aecas, Cortez and Van Siclen all stomp away at Toxxic and Liston. The Demon, his sense of loyalty having abandoned him after the eighth or ninth boot to the face, tries desperately to pull his partner over him in order to protect himself!”

 

“How’s that for gratitude,” grumbles Riley. “Here you have Toxxic, clearly the brains of this outfit, trying to help them get out of this match with as little injury as possible, and this is how Liston repays him!”

 

“Well,” replies Comet, “if they hadn’t tried to pull a fast one on the rest of the guys in this match, it might not have turned out that way!” Cortez teams up with Wild and Dangerous to continue their assault on Toxxic, while Van Siclen follows the Trinity to put a whipping on Liston, all while Kivell tries in vain to restore some semblance of order in this fall.

 

“Don’t do it, Cortez,” warns Riley. “Wild and Dangerous aren’t to be trusted in triple-team situations; remember what they did to Janus!”

 

“Weren’t you just putting the badmouth on Cortez just a few minutes ago,” asks Comet. Cortez grabs Toxxic by the wrist and whips him into the ropes, dropping down to the canvas and allowing the Straight-Edge Sensation to run over the top of him as he rebounds…

 

 

SLAM!

 

 

… Right into the waiting arms of Wild and Dangerous, who scoop him up off of the mat, only to slam him back down with a double-spinebuster! The Tag Team Champions look pleased with themselves…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… Only to have the Urban Legend break up their celebration, surprising the Barracuda with a superkick that knocks him through the ropes and out to the floor!

 

“There you go, Cortez,” crows Riley. “Do unto them before they can do unto you!” Momentarily stunned, Wildchild recovers quickly enough to jam a fierce right hand into the face of the Urban Legend, and the two begin exchanging punches while, across the ring, the Trinity are putting the Demon through the proverbial wringer! Van Siclen looks on as Terrence whips Liston into the ropes, scooping him up into a bearhug as he rebounds while Aecas lumbers towards the ropes in the opposite direction. Bailey spins around, still clutching Liston, and begins the short run towards his partner…

 

 

BANG!

 

 

… Who charges back off the ropes at full speed, crushing the Demon between himself and his partner with a horrifying double Gore!

 

“What a gut-wrenching maneuver by the Trinity,” groans Comet.”

 

“I’m sure that Liston doesn’t have any gut left to wrench after that move,” adds Riley, suddenly noticing Van Siclen standing off to the side. “And what great ring presence by Mike Van Siclen; orchestrating this effort! Look at the poise with which he leads the Trinity into battle! I’m telling you, Comet, this is PROOF that Van Siclen should have been the rightful leader of Catch-22!”

 

Comet shakes his head in distaste. “I’ve heard some whoppers in my time, Robert, but that may very well be the most spectacular exaggeration that I’ve ever heard! He didn’t lead the Trinity into battle; he’s just standing there!”

 

“Oh, I see,” counters Riley. “I see how it is! I’ll bet if it was one of your golden boys, like Wildchild, you’d be praising *HIS* poise and leadership! I guess you only see what you want to see!” Meanwhile, back on the other side of the ring, Cortez takes control of the fisticuffs and grabs Wildchild by the wrist, whipping him into the ropes…

 

 

CRACK!

 

 

… Leaping onto the air as he rebounds, and blasting him in the face with a spinning wheel kick! Out on the arena floor, Johnny begins rummaging underneath the ring, looking for something to help his partner even up the odds, as the Urban Legend pulls him to his feet and whips him back into the ropes. Cortez lowers his head to deliver a backdrop, but the Bahama Bomber somersaults over his back, and lands on his feet behind him. Before Cortez can react to this, Wildchild pushes him into the ropes, just as Johnny pulls a Kendo stick out from underneath the ring, and tosses it over the top rope into Wildchild. The Urban Legend bounces off the ropes…

 

 

WHACK!

 

 

… And finds a Kendo stick buried into his midsection for his troubles! As Cortez doubles over in pain, the Human Hurricane presses his advantage, blasting him in the back and the head:

 

 

WHACK!

WHACK!

WHACK!

 

 

“He’s got a weapon,” shouts Riley. “Kivell should disqualify him, immediately!”

 

“For what,” replies Comet. “This is the Hardcore portion of this match, after all; they can’t really be disqualified for anything!” Mike Van Siclen turns his attention back in the direction of his partner in time to see him nearly incapacitated and Wildchild, Kendo stick in hand, leaping onto the nearest turnbuckle.

 

“Look out, Cortez,” shrieks Riley. Wildchild prepares to leap off of the top turnbuckle…

 

 

THWACK!

 

 

… When suddenly, the Spectacle lunges from across the ring and pushes him off of the turnbuckle, causing him to spill off and slam his throat into the top rope!

 

“Way to go, Mike,” cheers Riley. “Show that circus freak that cheaters never prosper!” Johnny dives back into the ring to come to the aid of his partner, affording the Spectacle the opportunity to escape the ring. Once outside, he drags Wildchild out with him, and proceeds to inflict further punishment. Van Siclen pulls Wildchild to his feet and twists his right arm back into a hammerlock before pushing towards the corner…

 

 

CRACK!

 

 

… And shoving him shoulder-first into the ringpost! Back inside the ring, Todd Cortez uses another fierce Shotei to stun Johnny before calling outside the ring to his partner to provide him with some sort of international object. Van Siclen ignores him at first, but eventually concedes, and begins rummaging underneath the ring for plunder.

 

Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the ring, Kivell begins the difficult task of restoring order, directing Aecas and Liston back to the apron, and leaving Terrence, Toxxic, Cortez and Johnny inside the ring. Bailey works Toxxic over with heavy boots while Cortez, his back to the ropes, pulls Johnny to his feet, once again calling to his partner for some sort of weapon. The Spectacle pulls out a chair and absentmindedly tosses it into the ring…

 

 

SMACK!

 

 

… Hitting Cortez in the back! The Urban Legend quickly whips around, glaring at his partner, who has already turned his attention back to Wildchild.

 

“Did you see that,” clamors Comet. “Mike Van Siclen just hit his partner with a chair!”

 

“I’m sure that it was just an accident,” dismisses Riley, as Cortez stalks towards the edge of the ring.

 

“I wouldn’t be sure if I were you,” warns Comet. “Van Siclen tossed that chair into the ring very nonchalantly, and they did just have some tension over Cortez winning the ICTV Title!” The Spectacle prepares to ram Wildchild’s shoulder into the ringpost a second time, but Cortez reaches through the ropes and grabs him by the hair, pulling him towards the apron. Van Siclen slaps Todd’s hand away and climbs onto the apron, getting in his partner’s face for interrupting him.

 

“Things are quickly becoming heated between these two,” notes Comet, as Cortez points to the chair, while holding his back. “It would appear that a little gold is all that it takes to break up the In Crowd!”

 

“You’re not giving Mike Van Siclen enough credit for his leadership,” replies Bobby. “This is just a minor difference of opinion; they’ll be back on the same page by the end of this match, when they win the Tag Team Titles, just you wait!” As the Spectacle continues to assure his partner that he did not intentionally hit him with a chair, the Bahama Bomber sneaks up behind Van Siclen and grabs him by the feet, pulling him off of the apron!

 

 

SMACK!

 

 

… Mike’s head snaps backwards as his chin bounces abruptly off of the ring apron! Cortez starts to reach between the ropes to get at Wildchild…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… But the Barracuda grabs him by the waist from behind and snatches him off of the canvas, falling backwards and dropping him on his head with a German suplex! He maintains his bridge to pin the Urban Legend as Kivell drops to the mat to count:

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

CRACK!

 

 

… But the Anti-Heel Machine breaks up the count with a running punt kick! Johnny rolls off of Cortez clutching his bruised ribs, as Bailey bends down to wrap his massive paw around the Legend’s throat as he lifts him completely off of the canvas!

 

“Quick thinking by Citizen Bailey breaks up the pinfall,” says Comet. “You have to think that he’s a little more conscious of what’s going on in the ring after what happened in the first fall!”

 

 

“He’s got no one to blame for losing the ICTV Title but himself,” answers Riley. “Like I’ve said a hundred times, Terrence Bailey’s never gotten anywhere in the SWF without giving in to Janus; as long as he continues to resist his true nature, he’s never going to achieve anything!” Terrence lifts Cortez overhead in a military press before stepping forward and letting the Urban Legend fall behind him…

 

 

CRASH!

 

 

… Right onto the motionless body of Toxxic! He drops down to the canvas and applies a lateral press to both men as he waits on Kivell to make the count:

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

THR—

 

 

 

… But, before the three count can be made, Liston rushes into the ring to break it up, kicking Bailey in the back to knock him off of Cortez. As Terrence gets up to confront the retreating Demon, Johnny senses a golden opportunity, and dives on top of Cortez in hopes of getting a quick flash pin:

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

THRE—

 

 

 

KICKOUT!

 

 

This time, the Urban Legend was able to muster up enough force to kick out on his own. Terrence turns his attention back to the action in the ring, closing in on the Barracuda while, on the outside of the ring, the other half of Wild and Dangerous attempts to exact revenge on Van Siclen. The Human Hurricane grabs him by the wrist and whips him towards the barricade, but the Spectacle reverses the whip attempt, maneuvering behind Wildchild as he pulls the Champion towards him…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… And crossing the Caribbean’s arms across his own throat before sitting down suddenly, dropping the back of Wildchild’s head against the arena floor with a devastating Crossface Halo!

 

“Beautiful Crossface Halo by Van Siclen,” gushes Riley. “That’s how you take a speedster off his game!” Van Siclen rolls onto his knees and begins rummaging underneath the ring as Bailey beats Johnny Dangerous from pillar to post inside the ring. Cortez takes the opportunity to attempt to tag out, but not seeing his partner on the apron, he crawls towards the nearest occupied corner. The Urban Legend reaches up and makes the tag…

 

 

SLAP!

 

 

… To Aecas! The crowd erupts as the Black Angel steps in between the ropes. He makes a beeline directly for Toxxic… but, before he can get his hands on the Straight-Edge Sensation, Liston reaches into the ring and pulls his still motionless body out to safety! The fans boo the Demon lustily as he attempts to revive Toxxic outside the ring.

 

“What a gyp,” growls Comet. “Aecas has been waiting all night for a chance to get his hands on Toxxic, and now that they’re both legal in the ring, Liston cheats him out of his justice!”

 

“That should teach him to worry about matters that may actually be more important than getting revenge,” says Riley. “Like, oh, I don’t know… winning the match?” Toxxic appears to be coming around, thanks to Liston’s aid, when Aecas storms over to the edge of the ring and reaches through the ropes, grabbing both Toxxic and Liston!

 

“Oh my,” shrieks Comet, as the crowd roars with glee. “What do you think is going to happen here?”

 

 

CRACK!

 

 

Toxxic and Liston fall to the arena floor, holding their faces in pain after the Black Angel smashes their heads together with a double noggin-knocker! Aecas climbs out to the floor in pursuit, first pulling Toxxic to his feet…

 

 

BAM!

 

 

… And knocking him back down with a big right hand!

 

 

BAM!

 

 

… And then, doing the same thing to Liston!

 

 

“Aecas is a house of fire,” exclaims Comet, as the Black Angel reaches underneath the ring, presumably looking for plunder. “What do you suppose he’s up to?”

 

“I don’t know,” answers Riley, “but it can’t be any good!” Suddenly, the crowd begins to roar with approval, as the Black Angel stands upright again, holding above his head a barbed wire-wrapped baseball bat!

 

“Oh my word,” moans Comet. “Can he really be thinking of using that on Toxxic?”

 

“Toxxic,” shrieks Riley. “Get out of there! Quick!” Aecas adopts a batter’s stance, waiting patiently on Toxxic to get back up. The Straight-Edge Sensation pulls himself to his feet, and looks forward just in time to see the Black Angel swinging for his dome…

 

 

WHOOSH!

 

 

… But the bat only makes contact with air, as Toxxic ducks out of the way at the last possible second, and breaks into a dead run, high-tailing it all the way up the runway.

 

“Run, Toxxic,” pleads Riley. “Run for your life!” Aecas gives chase, baseball bat in hand, as he follows Toxxic up the runway. The Straight-Edge Sensation dives into one of the mock-up trenches near the top of the runway, hoping to find cover, but the Black Angel finds him, grabbing him by the back of the head and dragging him out of the trench!

 

“Oh no,” moans Riley, as the bloodthirsty crowd howls excitedly, “this isn’t going to be good!” Aecas holds Toxxic at arm’s length with one hand, as he readies the bat in the other. He prepares himself to decapitate his nemesis…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… When Liston manages to make the save, streaking all the way up the runway to slam into Aecas with a double axe-handle to the back! As Aecas stumbles forward, losing control of the bat, Toxxic runs back towards the ring to get away from him.

 

tbc

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

“Way to go, Liston,” sighs Riley. “Way to show teamwork there!” As Toxxic returns to the ring, he passes by Van Siclen on the arena floor, whom has pulled a table out from underneath the ring since the last time we caught up with him. Unfolding the table on the arena floor, he grabs Wildchild and leads him over to it, laying him flat on the top and hitting him with a clubbing forearm blow to keep him there.

 

“Looks like Wildchild is finished,” says Comet, as the Spectacle climbs back onto the ring apron and further ascends to the turnbuckle. “Mike Van Siclen appears to be going to the top turnbuckle to put Wildchild through a table, and if he hits it, the Bahama Bomber is likely done!”

 

Meanwhile, upon re-entering the ring, Toxxic goes directly after the long-discarded steel chair and then turns his attention towards Terrance, who is still having his way with Johnny Dangerous. The Aussie Giant wraps his hand around Johnny’s throat and lifts him off the canvas to deliver a chokeslam…

 

 

CRACK!

 

 

… But the Straight-Edge Sensation slams the chair into his face, causing him to relinquish his hold on the Barracuda!

 

“Uh oh,” moans Comet. “I don’t think that was necessarily a good idea!”

 

 

CRACK!

CRACK!

CRACK!

 

 

Johnny scrambles away from Toxxic and Bailey, as the Straight-Edge Sensation continues his assault on the Anti-Heel Machine. Dangerous looks up just long enough to notice Van Siclen perched on the top turnbuckle…

 

 

CRASH!

 

 

… And springs into action, lunging towards the corner and pushing the Spectacle off of the turnbuckle, causing him to crash face-first into the barricade!

 

“Brilliant maneuver by Johnny Dangerous,” shouts Comet. “He just saved his partner from certain doom!” As Johnny recuperates from his beating in the corner, Toxxic continues his steel assault on Terrence Bailey, utterly failing to notice the slow transformation in the Aussie Giant.

 

“Toxxic,” shrieks Riley, “stop! You don’t realize what you’re doing!” Unheeding of Bobby’s warnings, the Straight-Edge Sensation raises the chair once more to deliver what he believes will be the final, crippling blow…

 

 

BANG!

 

 

… But, as he begins to swing downwards, an enormous fist rifles through the air, blasting Toxxic in the face as it nearly forces itself THROUGH the chair itself! The fans roar as the Aussie Monster gets to his feet gnashing his teeth menacingly, a red tint appearing in his eyes.

 

“Oh no,” squeals Comet. “It’s Janus! Janus is loose! And he just knocked Toxxic silly with a Knuckle Bomb!”

 

Back on the runway, Liston does his best to try and keep Aecas down, hammering him with his dreadful Bloodlust headbutts. Having failed to draw blood on that exchange, he picks up the barbed-wire bat and holds it above his head, reveling in irony of the situation. As he draws back on the bat, his attention is suddenly diverted by the noise of the crowd. Looking back towards the ring, he sees Janus about to maim Toxxic, and starts to head towards the ring, but the Black Angel grabs him by the shoulder and spins him around…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… Before twisting him inside-out with a brutal lariat!

 

 

“Decapitator,” exclaims Comet. “Aecas just crushed the Demon with that Decapitator!” Aecas rests on the runway, trying to get his thoughts back together while, back in the ring, Johnny pulls himself back to his feet, and his face becomes panic-stricken as notices the change in the Hell Machine. Janus stalks over to Toxxic, jerking him abruptly to his feet. Seeking to try and slow Janus down before he gets out of control, the Barracuda leaps into action, charging into the Aussie Monster with a shoulderblock, but only succeeding in pissing him off!

 

 

BOOM!

 

 

The Hell Machine thrusts his hand forward, smashing into Johnny’s face with another devastating Knuckle Bomb! He walks over to the fallen Secret Agent and prepares to deliver further punishment, when he notices Wildchild on the apron.

 

“Get down, kid,” pleads Comet. “This is not the time!” The Bahama Bomber leaps onto the top rope and springs fearlessly into the ring, but the Hell Machine snatches him out of the air with one massive hand, and walks with him back over to the edge of the ring.

 

“No, Terrence,” begs Comet. “Don’t do this! You’re better than this!”

 

“Do it,” squeals Riley. “Do it! Do it! Do it!” Janus throws Wildchild forcefully down to the arena floor…

 

 

CRUNCH!

 

 

… AND THROUGH THE TABLE WITH A CAREER-ENDING CHOKESLAM!

 

 

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

 

 

“Merciful Gaea,” whines Comet. “Janus just chokeslammed Wildchild over the top rope and through a table! Wildchild’s not moving!”

 

“Go Janus,” cheers Riley. “I knew that you had it in you!” Toxxic crawls over to the edge of the ring and uses the ropes to pull himself to his feet. He surveys the ring, and finds Johnny Dangerous lying unconscious, with Janus staring right at him! Frantically, the Straight-Edge Sensation runs towards the In Crowd’s corner, looking to tag in Todd Cortez, but the Urban Legend drops down to the arena floor, saying, “Hell no! You’re on your own, partner!”

 

“Toxxic’s trying to tag out of the ring,” says Comet, “but Cortez refuses to tag in! If Toxxic has to try to take on Citizen Bailey while he’s in this state, he’s finished!” With no one else on the ring apron left to tag to, and the threat of Janus looming in front of him, Toxxic leaps over the top rope out to the arena floor. Janus exits the ring to give chase, but the must faster Toxxic sprints up the runway, looking back to see the Hell Machine trailing him. But, in his haste to get away from Janus…

 

 

CRACK!

 

 

… HE RUNS RIGHT INTO A YAKUZA KICK FROM AECAS!

 

 

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

 

 

“Bah Zeus,” shrieks Comet. “Yakuza Kick on the outside! Aecas could have take his head off!” Since both Aecas and Toxxic are legal men, and since this *IS* a hardcore match, Matthew Kivell runs out to where Aecas has Toxxic at his mercy on the runway. The crowd becomes ecstatic as the Black Angel traps Toxxic in a standing headscissors and wraps his arms around the Straight-Edger’s waist, before lifting him up…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… And planting him into the thinly padded concrete floor with a wicked powerbomb!

 

 

WHAM!

 

WHAM!

 

WHAM!

 

WHAM!

 

 

Aecas maintains his grip as he hits another powerbomb, and another, and another… and yet another. The fans are euphoric as they see the cocky Hardcore Champion finally get his!

 

“Grave Digger,” shouts Comet. “Five powerbombs on the outside! Aecas likes to call that the Grave Digger!”

 

“Wait a minute,” whines Riley, as Aecas dangles Toxxic upside down. “I don’t think that he’s done!” The Black Angel begins to spin around rapidly before dropping to his knees on the arena floor…

 

 

CRUNCH!

 

 

CRUSHING TOXXIC’S SKULL AGAINST THE CONCRETE WITH A GANSO BOMB!

 

 

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

 

 

“Holy Shit,” shrieks Comet. “The Grave Digger AND the Executioner! That must be what he calls the Grim Reaper! And all on the ARENA FLOOR! Toxxic’s done!”

 

“Done,” cries Riley. “He may be DEAD! Somebody call for help! What’s the number to 911?” Aecas rolls Toxxic onto his back and places his foot on top of his chest, demanding that the referee count it as a pinfall. Kivell dives into position, and the crowd chants along with his count:

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

THREE!

 

 

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

 

The fans erupt as Kivell gets to his feet and holds the arm of the triumphant Black Angel above his head. Funyon rises from his ringside seat to speak into the microphone once again, saying, “Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the second fall… and NEEEEEW SWF HARDCORE CHAMPION…

 

 

AAAAAEEEEECAAAAAAS!” Kivell releases Aecas’s hand, and the Black Angel, who had been running on adrenaline from the past few minutes drops to his knees, still trying to shake off the effects of the beating administered to him earlier by Jimmy Liston.

 

“What a dominant victory by the Black Angel,” exclaims Comet. “Absolutely DESTROYING Toxxic to become the new Hardcore Champion! We’ve already had two title changes in this match alone, with the potential still there for a third, so let’s get right into the final fall for this match!” Kivell drops Aecas’ raised hand then jogs off towards the ring. Back at ringside, Janus has grabbed Mike Van Siclen and tossed him back into the ring, before returning himself.

 

 

“Folks,” says Comet, “I’ve just been informed that due to Toxxic being unable to continue at the present time, the referee has designated Jimmy Liston as the fourth legal man!” Once back inside the ring, Janus grabs Van Siclen by his head and thrusts it between his legs, head scissoring Mike, then raises his hands to his neck and slices his index fingers across his throat!

 

“Sweet merciful Zeus,” exclaims Comet. “That’s something we haven’t seen in a very long time, that’s the signal for the DARK BOMB!”

 

“And it’s Janus’ finishing maneuver, not Terrence’s,” adds Riley. “I told you Terrence couldn’t win this one, and it’d have to be Janus at the reigns to get the job done!”

 

The Hell Machine reaches down gut wrenching Mike Van Siclen then lifts the Spectacle up to his shoulders. Just as he does, however, Janus stalls as Van Siclen grabs onto both sides of the Hell Machine’s head, holding on for dear life and screaming for all he’s worth!

 

“Wait… Wait! What’s this?”

 

Almost like a second thought has come over him, Janus drops to his knees, allowing Mike to escape from his clutches. A hand goes to the Hell Machine’s face as he winces and madly grits down on his teeth, seemingly in bitter agony.

 

“Look, Citizen Robert,” shouts Comet. “I think Terrence is fighting Janus for control of his body, what a brutal battle that must be inside his brain!”

 

“Yeah, well while the freak is slugging it out inside his noggin, he’s about to have his body pasted all over this arena!”

 

Just then, Jimmy Liston returns to the ring with a dented steel chair in hand, sneaking in from behind on Terrence in the most ninja-like manners, and…

 

KA-RAAAACK!

 

SLAMS the steel chair into Terrence’s back, causing the Aussie Giant to shrill in pain! Terrence staggers to his feet – one hand clutching his back while he bites down on his lip, trying to push back the pain as he stumbles backwards!

 

“You want to go on and on about illegal tactics, what about that,” points Comet. “Jimmy Liston should be disqualified - this is no longer a hardcore match!”

 

“Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you,” snaps Bobby. “Then your boys Wild and Dangerous would retain the Tag Team titles without lifting a finger! Also, maybe if the stupid referee was… you know… actually INSIDE the ring doing his job properly, he could let everyone inside the ring know that the Hardcore portion to this match is over!”

 

“Don’t give me that, they heard the bell! They’re just taking advantage of the situation before Kivell gets back in there!”

 

“Maybe he should get the lead out then!”

 

Cortez slides into the ring and makes a beeline for Bailey, but as he approaches the Anti-Heel Machine, Terrence lashes out, grabbing the Urban Legend by his throat! Unfortunately for Terrence, before he can proceed any farther, Cortez reaches up and rakes Bailey’s eyes!

 

“More cheating,” cries Comet. “These two would be well advised not to set Terrence off, this is not the time to toy with Bailey – he’s emotionally volatile at the moment!”

 

Both of Bailey’s hands go to his eyes, and as he aimlessly stumbles backwards, Mike drops to his hands and knees directly behind Bailey, and just in time for Cortez to take more advantage! He jumps up…

 

WHAM!

 

“And LEVELS Terrence with quite simply the most beautiful drop kick I’ve seen in years,” exclaims Bobby, as Bailey is knocked right over Mike, falling flat on his back due to the assisted trip! “Now that’s some smart tag teaming coming to life there!”

 

“I’d hold off on calling anything smart that involves Citizen Bailey right now,” warns Comet. “It is taking everything he has just to contain the demon within right now!”

 

Mike pops back up to his feet, and along with Todd Cortez AND Jimmy Liston, feet begin to rain down on Terrence hard, hitting every open spot they can find!

 

Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham!

Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham!

Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham!

 

“By Achilles tendon,” Comet shouts directly into his mouthpiece, trying his hardest to make himself heard over the enormous jeering coming from the crowd, which has grown to an astronomical rate! “This looks more like an L.A. gang beating, not a wrestling match… And to top it all off, not one of them taking part in that beating are even legal!”

 

“Well, here comes Kivell now,” reports Bobby, “so you can stop all your belly-aching!”

 

Once in the ring, Kivell immediately rushes towards the assault!

 

“OUT OF THE RING,” He screams, while threatening disqualifications all around. Liston is the left by himself, being the only legal man out of the threesome.

 

“At least Jimmy Liston wasn’t in the ring illegally,” mutters Comet, “I’ll give him that much.”

 

Liston quickly dives onto Terrence’s chest for a pin, taking advantage of all three men’s handiwork, and like usual, Kivell quickly moves in to count!

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

WHAM!

 

Mike Van Siclen rushes in, delivering a stomp to the back of Jimmy Liston to break up the pin! Kivell barks towards Mike to leave the ring, but before the Spectacle can follow the referee’s directions, Jimmy pops up to his feet and swings a right hand into Mike’s face!

 

SMACK!

 

Mike’s head rocks back, and the shot serves to do nothing more than enrage the already edgy competitor! He swings back at the Demon, popping him right in the mouth, and as the two begin another tussle, Cortez takes the opportunity to come back into the ring, though coming in to lend a hand to Van Siclen.

 

“Oh brother, groans Comet, “just as Kivell had got all the illegal men back out of the ring, here they come, right back in!”

 

“Hey, at least Matthew Kivell is earning his paycheck with this match,” snickers Riley.

 

The fourth man in the ring, Terrence Bailey…err, Janus…begins to slowly lumber to his feet, unnoticed by the other men in the ring. That is, until the Aussie Giant leans back and lets out a MIGHTY battle cry, getting all of their collective attentions, and eliciting a tremendous pop from the crowd as well!

 

“Comet,” gasps Bobby, grabbing his announcing partner by the arm. “Look at Janus huffing and puffing in there like a rabid wolf…if he was already Janus before…then who is this?”

 

“Uh, not so close there, kind Sir,” replies Comet, peeling Bobby’s hand off his arm finger by finger. “And if it was Janus to begin with…then it looks like we have one seriously pissed off Aussie Giant injected with the strength of ten tigers in there now! I was saying they didn’t want to piss him off, but nobody wanted to listen to old Comet’s advice, now did they?”

 

Waaaaay out in the open battlefield mock up, Aecas, having tried to take a moment to gather his bearings catches an earful of his partner’s cry, immediately grabbing his attention. His head snaps up as his eyes dart into the ring, and though his words aren’t audible his lips clearly read, “Oh no!” The Black Angel stands to his feet, and slowly he begins moving down the tattered path to the ring one painful step at a time

 

Meanwhile in the ring, Johnny Dangerous slides back into the squared circle, unaware of Terrence Bailey’s unpredictable state. Not even a second thought crosses his mind as he pops to his feet and charges towards the Aussie Giant looking to do whatever he can offer up as a defense for his precious tag team titles.

 

“Wait a second Johnny,” Comet tries to advise, but the Barracuda rushes in and…

 

WHAAAAAM!

 

Janus SLAMS another hellacious Knuckle Bomb straight into the Barracuda’s kisser, sending the Secret Agent straight to the mat to a roar of cheers from the crowd!

 

WHOOSH-CRACK!

 

But no sooner than Johnny has landed does Todd Cortez move in to take control with a vicious spinning heel kick, drilling the Hell-Machine in the side of his cranium!

 

SAAA-MAAACK!

 

However, the blow doesn’t even seem to register with the Hell Machine, but before he can respond, Van Siclen jumps up from behind, trying to lock his arm around the Aussie Giant’s throat, while Jimmy Liston rushes in, offering up some right hands into Janus’ face!

 

Whap!

Whap!

Whap!

 

WHAAM!!

 

“Not even a dent,” shouts Bobby, as Janus fights back with a mighty Knuckle Bomb, knocking the Demon flat on his ass! “It’s three men against one, and they’re still outmanned!” The Hell Machine spins around towards Cortez, and before the Urban Legend can come to the aid of his partner – who is still dangling helplessly from Janus’ neck, trying to choke the life out of him to no avail – the Aussie Giant sends another fist into Cortez!

 

KNUCKLE BOMB!

KNUCKLE BOMB!

 

Leaving Cortez on the mat flatter than a pancake! Janus then reaches up, grabbing Mike Van Siclen by his head and pulls him across his shoulder, then rushes forward and PLANTS Van Siclen back-first into the mat with a vicious powerslam, rattling the entire ring!

 

“Can you believe this, Citizen Robert,” Comet asks excitedly. “Janus is single handedly taking out ALL the competition, I knew he’d come through!”

 

“Like I mentioned at the start of this match, Comet,” adds Riley, “the only way you’d see a Terrence Bailey victory is by unleashing Janus!”

 

Janus climbs back to his feet and spins around, catching sight of Liston pulling himself to his feet by way of the turnbuckle, and moves in. He spins the Demon around to face him then pushes him up against the turnbuckle…

 

WHAM!

 

And plows his fist into Liston’s skull, nearly rattling his teeth from his skull!

 

“Terrence,” shouts Aecas as he finally slides back into the ring, trying to get his partner to snap to his senses, but the Hell Machine doesn’t even offer a response, instead flinging his fist several more times into Jimmy Liston!

 

SMACK!

WHAM!

POP!

 

A final blow sends a stream of blood flying out of Jimmy’s mouth and across the ring!

 

“Son of a bitch,” curses Bobby, “Even I’m starting to think that Janus is starting to get a bit out of control here! He’s attacking people who aren’t even the legal men in this match - Kivell had better damn well do something about all this!”

 

WHAM!

WHAM!

WHAM!

WHAM!

 

With every hit, Liston’s face grows redder as blood begins to cover his beaten face!

 

“ONE!”

“TWO!”

“THR-”

 

Kivell starts a count, but as he reaches three he knows it isn’t going to stop Janus from continuing his beat down, especially with blood already splattering as Janus’ fist collides with the Demon’s skull! So like any good ref, Kivell tries to interject himself between the Hell Machine and Liston, pulling them apart!

 

“This is completely out of control,” cries Bobby, and as Kivell tries to shove Janus away from Liston, the Aussie Giant SHOVES the poor ref back! “What the hell is he doing? Janus is going to get himself disqualified here, and I don’t think he even cares!”

 

Again Kivell persist in breaking up the beating, but this time Janus has had enough! He spins around with a fierce growl, and snatches Matthew Kivell by the neck!

 

“Merciful Odin, NO,” shouts Comet, “Don’t do this Terrence! Somebody HAS to stop this madness!”

 

“Yeah, well who,” snaps Bobby. “That mental case has already laid waste to everyone else!”

 

However, as Janus tries to lift Kivell up to deliver a choke-slam, there is one more man left…

 

 

THUNK!!

 

 

 

“RAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

 

AND THAT MAN IS AECAS! HE SINKS A FOOT INTO JANUS’ GUT, DOUBLING THE AUSSIE GIANT OVER AND FORCING THE HELL MACHINE TO RELEASE THE REF! HE QUICKLY FLOATS UNDER JANUS… AND HAULS HIM ONTO HIS SHOULDERS IN A BURNING HAMMER…

 

WHAAAAAM!

 

…AND CATAPULTS JANUS’ BODY OFF HIS SHOULDERS AND SITS OUT, VICIOUSLY DRILLING THE AUSSIE GIANT’S HEAD INTO THE CANVAS!

 

“The Betrayer,” exclaims Comet, “and I don’t think a single fan is still sitting!”

 

“And that is exactly what the Black Angel just did,” adds Riley. “Aecas has BETRAYED his teammate AND the Unholy Trinity – I think I might like this!”

 

“The hell he has,” snaps Comet. “Aecas just SAVED his team from a disqualification, Terrence Bailey was completely out of control – consumed by the evil that is Janus, and I think Terrence will be thanking his partner for that latter down the road…that took a lot of guts!”

 

Aecas slowly stands back to his feet, staring down at his partner who is now motionless and lying on the mat. A hand goes to the Black Angel’s face as a distraught look comes over him, and finally the ring has become silent. Not a single man moves, save Aecas, but all he can do is simply stand in place, trying to cope with the choice he was forced to make.

 

“My word,” mutters Comet, as he takes a moment to survey the damage. “There are literally bodies strung about all over this arena! Toxxic is still out cold, and pretty far off from the ring. Wildchild hasn’t moved yet since Terrence slammed him through that table, and the rest of these men are here, there, and everywhere…and I thought the Crazy 88 battle was a brutal massacre!”

 

Aecas doesn’t even take note of Jimmy Liston staggering across the ring, and hanging onto his consciousness by a single strand of thread! The Demon sways back and forth…then hobbles forward, looking like he could drop at any moment. He stumbles into the In Crowd’s corner, where Todd Cortez has pulled himself back into, and reaches out for the Urban Legend, looking for some sort of help! Instead, Todd simply reaches out for the tag then shoves Liston down as he steps foot into the ring.

 

“What’s with these people shoving everyone down today, ask Comet. “First Citizen Liston tosses Johnny Dangerous out of the ring, and now Cortez shoves Liston away from him after receiving the tag.”

 

“Well, I think Jimmy was seeking some kind of sympathy from Cortez,” replies Riley, “but you know as well as I do that Todd isn’t going to bat an eye at Liston’s predicament! But damn it, Jimmy Liston was fending for Psychological Warfare all by his lonesome, and now I don’t even think he can fend for himself!”

 

Cortez flies across the ring towards Aecas, and grabs the Black Angel’s hand from his face then plows his open fist into the Trinity Member’s face with a Shotei palm strike!

 

WHACK!

 

“Wake up, Aecas,” snickers Riley, “now is not the time to be napping on the job!”

 

“Will you shut it,” snaps Comet, “Aecas was just trying to bring himself together after having to put his partner down!”

 

Aecas is knocked a whole three steps back from the sudden strike, and the Urban Legend closes in, this time swinging out his foot and connecting with a tremendous spinning heel kick that sends the Black Angel for a loop! Todd comes in from behind and wraps his arm around Aecas waist, taking the Black Angel to the canvas with a textbook Martial Art over-the-hip take down!

 

“He’s got it,” exclaims Riley, as Cortez rolls Aecas right into a pin. “Todd Cortez is going to sneak out of this match with two titles!”

 

ONEEE!

 

 

 

 

TWOOOO!

 

 

 

 

TH-

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

Except Johnny Dangerous, after gathering his bearings, has other things to say about that, and dives onto Cortez with a double axe handle, smashing it across the Urban Legend’s back! Cortez leaps up, howling in pain as he grips his back, leaving himself open for Johnny to close in and haul the Urban Legend onto his shoulders in a fireman’s carry to a roar of cheers! Johnny spins halfway around as he drops backward…

 

SLAAAAAM!

 

AND PLOWS TODD CORTEZ NECK-AND-SHOULDERS FIRST INTO THE MAT WITH HIS PATENTED FALLAWAY SLAM!

 

“MI Slam,” barks Comet. “It looks like Johnny is going to try and avenge the pin he took earlier from Todd by turning the tables and pinning Cortez to retain the Tag Titles! What resilience by the Tag Team Champions, after all of the abuse they’ve taken tonight!”

 

“Pfft,” snorts Riley. “Like he’s going to get the pin with that weak move?”

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

WHAAM!

 

 

This time, it’s Mike Van Siclen rushing in to his partner’s aide, and forcefully shoves the Barracuda off of Cortez! Johnny leaps up, fully intending on dealing some vengeance to Van Siclen, but before he can spit anything out it’s Kivell to the rescue! The referee orders Mike back to his corner and Johnny barely has a chance to figure out what’s going on when Aecas ducks down behind him, tucking his head between Dangerous’ legs and lifting him onto his shoulders! The crowd grows even more restless, waiting to see an…

 

“Assault Driver coming up,” predicts Comet, but his assumption comes a moment too soon as Johnny shoves himself off of Aecas, backflipping off the Black Angel’s shoulders and landing on his feet directly behind him! Aecas spins around sharply, leading with his arm to lariat the Secret Agent, but Johnny takes off across the ring and jumps into the ropes…

 

 

SLAP!

 

“But he was a little too close to Citizen Van Siclen there,” reports Comet, as Mike reaches out and tags Johnny on the shoulder, “and now Mike is in…and Johnny is out!”

 

“And we have two members of the In Crowd in at once here,” notes Bobby, “and though both members of the Unholy Trinity are in as well, Aecas is fighting by himself!”

 

As Mike steps through the ropes, entering the ring, Johnny slides out and heads towards Wildchild, who is now moving, but yet to return to the apron. Mike, on the other hand, goes charging after Aecas, blasting him with a right hand, and then floats around to the side of the Black Angel, locking in a front facelock! He stops for a moment, and raises his hand to the crowd…but gets a bone chilling boo in response!

 

“Mike Van Siclen looking for some accolades from the crowd there,” says Comet, “and getting none of it!”

 

“Figures,” mutters Riley, “these fans wouldn’t know a good wrestler if it bit them in the ass!”

 

Finally, Mike falls back, spiking Aecas’ dome into the canvas with a monstrous DDT! He quickly moves over for a cover.

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

THR-NOOOOOO!!!

 

Aecas gets the shoulder up, and not a second too soon, either! Mike quickly pulls the Black Angel to his feet, and works Aecas’ midsection over with a series of knee strikes, backing the Black Angel into a corner before grabbing the Trinity member by his wrist and sending him for an Irish Whip. Aecas aimlessly storms across the ring, and directly into the opposite corner, slamming into the post back first with a bone-crunching WHACK, to a loud “OOOOH!” from the crowd! Unfortunately, for Van Siclen, the Bahama Bomber himself mans that corner, and he quickly slaps Aecas on the shoulder for a blind tag.

 

“Wildchild is in,” reports Comet, “but I don’t think Citizen Van Siclen is aware of that fact!”

 

“Hell, I didn’t even realize Wildchild woke up yet,” adds Riley.

 

Indeed, Mike takes no note of the fact, and as Aecas aimlessly stumbles out of the corner, Mike rushes forward, looking to put an end to the Black Angel with his trademarked Wheel Kick…

 

WHACK!

 

… When Wildchild leaps to the top of the post and launches himself OVER Aecas and extending both his feet out, and plowing them straight into the Spectacle’s chest, to a roar of cheers! Mike is floored, and the Caribbean rolls to his feet and moves in on Van Siclen, diving through the air with a front roll and splashing onto his chest with a standing senton!

 

“What a hit,” shouts Comet, “and Wildchild is starting to come back to life in there!”

 

Wildchild rolls over and heaves himself onto Mike’s chest! Kivell slides in to count a pin, but a pin doesn’t seem to be what the Bahama Bomber is after and it shows as he begins to unpack all his frustrations on top of the Spectacle, peppering his head with a series of right hands!

 

BAP!

BAP!

BAP!

BAP!

 

“NIC,” shouts Johnny, trying to get his partner’s attention while standing in the Wild and Dangerous corner. Wildchild’s head swivels towards Johnny, and his eyes follow the direction in which the Barracuda points…

 

“Janus,” gasp Comet. “By the strength of Hercules, he is moving again! I didn’t think he would get up after receiving the Betrayer!”

 

Wildchild sees it as well, and he quickly changes his plan of attacking Mike to covering him before the Aussie Giant fully awakens. Of course, Kivell is there to count…

 

ONEEE!

 

 

 

 

 

TWOOOOO!

 

 

 

 

NOO!! Mike gets the shoulder up just before three! Janus, from several feet away, staggers to his feet, and Cortez moves into action! Todd heads across the ring and leaps into the ropes, but before he can propel himself off his foot is suddenly snagged by Johnny on the outside! Todd spins around to face his assailant, but the Barracuda is more than ready for him! He leaps to the apron and grabs Cortez by both sides of his head, then drops back down to the floor, clotheslining the Urban Legend across the top rope! Todd grabs his hands around his throat, gagging in quite the sickening display…

 

 

WHAAAM!

 

WHEN AECAS RUSHES IN FROM BEHIND, GORING THE SHIT OUT OF THE URBAN LEGEND, AND SENDING BOTH MEN THROUGH THE MIDDLE ROPE TO THE CONCRETE FLOOR!

 

WHUMP!

 

“Man overboard,” shouts Comet, and the fans stir up a mighty chant of:

 

“HO-LY SHIT!”

“HO-LY SHIT!”

“HO-LY SHIT!”

“HO-LY SHIT!”

 

“Both of these guys hit the floor pretty hard,” reports Riley. “And the only one that deserved it was that cheating bastard, Aecas – He shouldn’t even be in the ring, let alone attacking Todd Cortez!”

 

Janus, meanwhile, rushes across the ring towards Wildchild and Mike Van Siclen, looking to take both of them out with a massive clothesline…

 

“The will, the determination,” shouts Comet. “Terrence is clearly running on some serious fumes here, and I think he’s just barely into the land of the living!”

 

… But as Janus storms in for the kill, the Bahama Bomber ducks out of the way, leaving Mike Van Siclen to take the full hit!

 

WHAAMM!

 

Terrence floors Mike with a ferocious lariat, using everything he could put into it to put the guy down! He staggers back to his feet as Johnny slides into the ring, stopping side-by-side with Wildchild…and as he slowly turns around…

 

WHAAAAMM!

 

Both men jump up and plant BOTH feet into Terrence’s chest with a huge thump, sending the Anti-Heel Machine aimlessly staggering backwards and falling into the ropes chest-first! He hangs onto the top rope, fighting to keep conscious when Johnny slides in from behind and grabs both his legs, pulling them off the ground.

 

“Slam Dance coming up,” calls Comet, fully expecting the Bahama Bomber to race across the ring and leapfrog over Johnny to land on top of Bailey. “Wait a second…” He says, watching as Wildchild takes an unexpected path, heading to the apron and gliding across until he stops right in front of Terrence and snaps on a quick head lock. “What are these guys up to?”

 

“Trying to pull off another stupid stunt in hopes of looking cool,” spits Bobby. “

 

Wildchild climbs up to the second rope, and Johnny quickly pulls back on Terrence’s legs, pulling him completely off the top rope as Wildchild leaps over the ropes, and falls into the ring…

 

 

WHAAAAAAAM!

 

 

DRIVING TERRENCE’S SKULL INTO THE CANVAS WITH AN IMPLANT DDT, SCATTERING HIS BRAINS ALL OVER THE RING!!

 

“WHOA,” exclaims Comet. “Wild and Dangerous just pulled off a modified Implant DDT on Terrence Bailey, and WHAT a tremendous hit that was to the Anti-Heel Machine’s head! Terrence has taken multiple shots to his poor noggin now, and THAT just may be the final nail in the coffin!”

 

Johnny rolls Terrence onto his back by his legs, and Wildchild dives in for the cover. As expected, Kivell drops in for the count.

 

 

ONEEE!

 

 

 

 

TWOOOOO!

 

 

 

 

THREEEEEEEEEE!

 

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

“They’ve done it,” cheers Comet. “BAH ZEUS, Wild and Dangerous managed to hold on and gain the final fall, putting an end to this brutal contest!”

 

“Son of a bitch,” curses Bobby. “These other teams weren’t really given a chance for this third fall, and once again, Wild and Dangerous are going to make off like a gang of thieves!”

 

“Y.O.U.” begins to pound-out from the speakers once more for the night, and the University Arena simply explodes! Heading to the edge of the ring, the referee is handed the Tag Team Titles by a ringside assistant, then trots back towards Johnny and Wildchild, handing them back their belts. He grabs an arm of each man and raises it in victory as Funyon jumps to his feet to make the announcement!

 

“The winners of the THIRD and FINAL fall,” bellows Funyon, “and STIIIIIL SWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS… of the WOOOOOOOOORLD… WILD! AAAAAAAND DAAANGEROUUUUUUS!”

 

Wildchild and Johnny head for the turnbuckles, and Kivell trails off to fetch the remaining title belts and dish them out to their new owners.

 

“What a match this has been,” says Comet. “Aecas has regained the Hardcore Gamers Championship and Todd Cortez is the brand new Intercontinental-Television Champion, while Wild and Dangerous… as we just saw, were able to retain the Tag Team titles!”

 

“Todd Cortez winning the ICTV is the only good thing that happened in this match,” says Bobby. “The rest of them can go to hell for all I care! I mean look, Comet, how can you be happy when poor Toxxic could be seriously injured, Aecas should be stripped of his crown for that!”

 

Backstage paramedics rush out to tend to Toxxic, who still hasn’t moved a muscle since his final encounter with the Black Angel. Todd Cortez, with his new belt proudly displayed around his waist goes to help his seething partner to his feet. Aecas, still in the ring, helps his partner up, making sure he’s okay. Wildchild and Johnny exit the ring, and begin heading towards backstage.

 

“Well,” says Comet, “this match is in the books, but we have plenty more action coming your way in just a few moments!”

 

 

 

As we:

FADE OUT