A few things and questions...

[The Ill One 0]

So, uh, out of curiousity on a few things- What's going on with the website? Are the archives still in work or not from IGN aaaannnnddd is anybody compiling a best of SWF document or mega post we could make? The idea is always thrown around- but never really follows through. Just wondering.

 

Then for my own personal pleasure (and a few others too) could somebody find the following and just post them here?

 

 

Operation P.O.O.F.N.A.R.

First Miami Mayhem

NotJ vs Cyclone Comet HIAC

 

 

Huge thanks to whoever can provide some information.

[Golgo 13 0]

The website is still being worked on. Take this witn a grain of salt, since I'm not completely sure, but I think Johnny has the programming and such done, while the design end of things still needs to be completed. Someone else will be able to answer more accurately anyway.

 

Archiving was halted, either because of apathy or because we finished getting the 'important' stuff we went in for.

 

And lastly, Operation POOFNAR...

 

---

 

"Echo team, come in. Over."

 

*ssshshshhsshshsh*

 

"Copy, Pink leader. We-"

 

"That's RED leader!"

 

"Hee hee... I know."

 

"Echo team, what's your status? Over."

 

*shshshhshs*

 

"We've penetrated the outer wall's defenses and have breached Alpha sector seven. Over."

 

"Huh?"

 

*shshshhshshshs*

 

"What Spark means is we stuck some gum on a camera and jimmied the door open."

 

"Ok. Ren-des-vous at Bravo nine. Over and out."

 

Two men bedecked in black ski masks, turtlenecks, pants, and gloves slowly slink through the hallways of Ceasar's Palace, walkie-talkies in hand and duffel bags in tow. The man in front is carrying a flashlight which he keeps pointed only a few feet in front of him.

 

"Hey Chris."

 

"What?"

 

"What if we see a security guard?"

 

Chris taps his duffel bag.

 

"No!"

 

"Don't worry."

 

*shshshhhshshshs*

 

"Echo team at Bravo nine."

 

"Copy that, Echo team. Equiptment check."

 

Deep in the bowels of the arena, two more men, dressed similarly, quietly unzip their duffel bags.

 

"Paint?"

 

"Check."

 

"Tapes?"

 

"Check."

 

"Beer?"

 

"..."

 

"Beer?!"

 

"Oh, here it is. Check."

 

"Don't scare me like that, King!"

 

"You there!"

 

A flashlight beam swings across the halls, and the King of Hearts and Spark barely have time to duck into a janitors closet.

 

*sschchchcc*

 

"Come in Beta squadron! Night guard!"

 

*schchshshhshshs*

 

"Copy that, Echo team. En route. ETA, about 17 seconds. Maintain radio silence."

 

"Anybody here?" The security guard asks nervously. Obviously, he's new. "Hellooooo?" He takes slow cautious steps, swinging his head this way and that, ready for anything. "I know you're here... come out with your hands up, or... or else!"

 

*splat*

 

"Huh?"

 

*splat*

 

"What the hec-"

 

*thump*

 

The security guard looks down to see the cold dead eyes of a large trout staring back up at him on his shoe.

 

*thump*

 

Another one bounces off his chest!

 

"Hey! Cut it out!"

 

*splat*

 

*thump*

 

*thump*

 

"Stoppit!"

 

*splat*

 

"Aaagh!"

 

*thump*

 

*splat*

 

The guard runs down the hall, arms flailing, voice cracking. A few moments later, two dark shapes cross the hall to the closet.

 

"Echo team, we're here."

 

"Good job."

 

"Let's get this over with. Eagle two, you're on fish duty."

 

"Aw nuts."

 

"King... theme music."

 

Chris Raynor then sticks his head out of the closet and peers both ways before waving the others to leave. First Mark, then Spark, and finally the King of Hearts, who is butchering the Mission Impossible theme song.

 

"Dun, dun, DUN DUN Dun, dun, dun dun dun, dun, DUN DUN dun, dun, dun dun.. deedloo... deedloo.... deedloo... doo doo."

 

The four men tiptoe down the halls, twisting this way and that, until they come to the long row of locker rooms.

 

"This is it. Go!"

 

Chris kicks open the door and the four barge into the room. Spark slams the door and flicks on the light switch to reveal the locker room of Evil Inc.

 

"Gentlemen... let's get down to business!"

 

Mark tosses his duffel bag onto the couch, and everyone else follows suit. Each member of the Midnight Carnival heads to a different area of the room, each with a hand on their chin, shaking their head and "tsk-tsk"-ing the sight.

 

"It's so..." Spark waves his hand in circles trying to come up with the word.

 

"... drear."

 

"Pale."

 

"Ugly."

 

"Them."

 

They all share a moment of silence.

 

"Well, we've got a ways to go, so let's get started!"

 

***a few hours later***

 

"I must say Chris, you've REALLY outdone yourself this time."

 

"Ah well, they say you should channel anger into outlets like art..."

 

Spark gazes around the room and says "Don't ever get this angry at me."

 

"Oh hush, I'm sure they will love what we did with the place. We did them a favor. I see no reason why they won't jump up and down like little girls when they see it."

 

"Well, I'd rather not be here to see that, so et's-lay am-scray."

 

"As you wish." Chris takes a final look at the room and then turns and says "King! Theme song!"

 

The four banditos quickly exit the room and dash down the hall, with the King of Heart's "Dun-dun"-ing echoing quietly behind them. A door closing, a golf cart zooming off, and then all is silent...

 

***the next day***

 

"And so I says to the guy, "It's supposed to be a monkey!""

 

The lower halls of Caesars Palace ignite with laughter as Chris Storm, Perfect Bo, Suicide, and Johnny Rotten make their way to their locker room.

 

"I swear," Bo says as he wipes a tear from his eye, "that gets funnier every time you tell it, Storm."

 

"Here we are, guy-" Suicide starts, but all four of them stop dead in their tracks. The door is open, the lights are on, and people are talking inside. Storm puts a finger to his lips and shushes his partners as he creeps toward the door. He sticks his ear to the crack...

 

"-nd Chris Storm is a pansy!"

 

"Yea! I bet he and Bo have sexual relations!"

 

"And what about Suicide? Man, what a loser!"

 

Some horrible canned laughter ensues.

 

"Evil Inc. are just a bunch of doodoo heads!"

 

"You can say that again!"

 

"I think I will!"

 

Canned laughter.

 

Storm turns to his partners and mouths "Carnival". They all nod, and Storm holds up three fingers... then two... then one... ATTACK! Storm flings the door open and they all charge the four figures standing in a semicircle in the center of the room! Storm clotheslines one of them from behind, knocking his head off! Bo waistlocks the other from behind, but he falls apart! Suicide and Rotten grab the heads of the last two and smash them together, and they dissipate!

 

"What the-

 

"Straw f*cking dummies!"

 

Storm kicks the headless dummy, and it's upper torso flies across the room as its bottom half collapses, revealing a small tape player.

 

"Son of a b*tch!"

 

"Uh, guys..."

 

"I can't believe they'd stoop that low!"

 

"Guys?"

 

"Of all the ner-

 

"GUYS!"

 

"WHAT?!"

 

They all glare at Suicide, who meekly points at the walls. The newly wallpapered plaid walls. With bright pink and green streamers. And pictures of clowns. Lots and lots of clowns. The floor is covered in about an inch-thick layer of confetti. And hanging on the far wall, a huge banner, reading "Cheer up guys!" All four stand in a moment of silence. Suicide looks like he's trying to hold in laughter, while Bo and Storm are flaring.

 

"They went too f*cking far."

 

"This is just f*cking WRONG!"

 

"PLAID wallpaper?!"

 

Suddenly a tiny voice cries "Storm and Bo-Bo, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" All four Evil Inc.'ers go to work on the dummies, stomping on them until they hear the crunch of plastic under their feet. They all sigh and start to trudge out of the room when Suicide again stops.

 

"Guys..."

 

"What now?"

 

Suicide simply points to the closed door across the room, this one leading to the bathroom. Storm looks plainly at his partner and says "I don't even want to know."

 

Suicide shrugs and joins his friends as they storm out of the room toward the commissioner's office.

 

END

[the.weej 0]

I don't have a damn clue where we stand on the website. I have the sinking feeling it's the same place we stood about two months ago.

 

There, I admit it.

 

-Z

[HVilleThugg 0]

And...if anyone read my post a couple of weeks ago and actually cares, we might end up having to pay a little bit for our site that is hosted on TSM's server.

 

If you want details, ask me.

 

Da "not repeating himself again" H

[chirs3 0]

One NotJ vs. Comet HIAC, coooooomin' up!

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

(…Steel. Nothing but steel wire and bars…

 

(…until the camera pulls back and we start seeing more and more of the dreaded Cell! The crowd is cheering in near-darkness, as flashing lights illuminate the Cell as it completes its slow descent and lands around the ring. As a few stage-hands race around, giving the Cell one last check, we cut to a close-up of the commentator's table; Jayson Grant, NTD, and Curry Man all are looking up in awe…)

 

Curry: That, ladies and gentlemen, is the Cell! Sixteen feet high, made of solid steel, able to make even the most insane wrestler stop and think. And tonight, for a chance at the vacant IGNWF World Championship, two of the most insane wrestlers WILL enter Hell in a Cell… and maybe only one will come back out!

 

NTD: That thing is freaking me out… Cyclone Comet and Neilsen of the Jungle have met many times this past month, with wins and losses on both sides, but I have a bad feeling this could be it for their feud… and maybe their careers, is that thing taller than usual?

 

JayG: Well, you have to realize one thing: Neilsen has the clear advantage going into this! He is a hardcore fighter, he is willing to do horrible things to his own body to punish his opponents… and he has never lost to Comet in a singles match! In tag action, yes, but he is undefeated one-on-one!

 

Curry: Unless you count From The Fire…

 

JayG: And we DON'T, because that match NEVER HAPPENED, you got that? It was declared null and void! Neilsen has the only win!

 

NTD: Yeah, but that's only because you helped Neilsen, right? You handed Neilsen a chair, right in front of…

 

JayG: Shut up, NTD!

 

NTD: Hey, you're not the boss of me, Grant! You're just another commentator, and I'm sick and tired…

 

(A lion's roar cuts across NTD's words!)

 

Curry: Shut up, NTD! Here we go!

 

(And the crowd is on their feet, already cheering or shouting insults as "Welcome to the Jungle" kicks up and an angry-looking man stalks out from the entrance arch…)

 

Funyon: Ladies and gentlemen, THIS… is our main event! This HELLLL In A CELLLLL match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, hailing from the JUNGLE… weighing in at 214 pounds… NEILSENNN OF THE JUUUNGLLLE!!

 

(Neilsen stands on the stage for a moment, smiling in vicious anticipation as he gazes at the Cell. He is dressed as always in his shorts, sandals, and tie-dye wifebeater, but under one arm, the brawler has not one but a whole bunch of steel chairs, almost more than he can hold! Eventually Neilsen walks down the aisle, glancing into the crowd and responding to their catcalls with some snarled insults of his own. The door leading into the cell faces the aisle; as Neilsen arrives at ringside, he kicks the door open and walks straight into the Cell! He drops the chairs with a clatter, then picks them up one by one and tosses them over the top rope into the ring as the crowd starts a "NEIL-SEN-SUX! NEIL-SEN-SUX!" chant!)

 

Curry: What the hell? Isn't Hell in a Cell dangerous enough for Neilsen? He's got six or seven chairs in there!

 

NTD: Only Neilsen would look at that Cell and say, "Hey, it would look better with more steel!"

 

JayG: Don't you see, guys, Neilsen is making that ring his home! It's not Hell in that Cell, it's going to be Neilsen's jungle! And Cyclone Comet will be walking right into it! I can't wait…

 

(Neilsen throws the seventh and last chair into the ring, then strides around the ring, shouting for a mike! Funyon walks up to the Cell wall and pokes his microphone through the steel mesh; Neilsen grabs it and tries to pull it through, but it doesn't fit and gets jammed into place! Neilsen grabs the mesh with both hands as if to pull the Cell apart as he starts shouting into the mike…)

 

Neilsen: HEY! Looky here, you dumb**** mother****ers! I'm in HELL! …And I LIKE it in here! I wish I could stay forever! Because then, I wouldn't have to go out and have to ****ing look at you ****-faced *******s *****ing about your ****y little lives in this ****-splat town! **** this pile of ****!

 

(He's about to go on, but stops and grins savagely at the newest crowd chant…)

 

Crowd: ****-YOU-TOO! ****-YOU-TOO! ****-YOU-TOO!

 

Neilsen: No, I don't ****ing think so! **** me? I AM Neilsen of the mother f**kin' Jungle! You can't **** with me! But you can, and will… (crowd joins in) FEAR ME!! …**** this ****… HEY! COMET! You think you're good with a chair?! Come on down, I got seven of these ****ers right here, one for each ****ing day of your last week on earth! Or, maybe, one chair for every mother****ing ******* in the world title tournament, because that ****ing belt is gonna be MINE!! Now get down here you ****ing ***!!

 

Curry: Good with a chair? What's he…

 

NTD: Well, the last time Neilsen and Comet met, Comet busted Neilsen in the face with a chair! I guess Neilsen is looking to return the favor seven times over!

 

(Neilsen lunges back into the ring, grabs a random chair, sets it up, and sits down on it, gesturing for his opponent to get down to the ring!)

 

JayG: There is our next world champion, gentlemen! Look at his confidence!

 

Curry: God help us, but it could easily happen! But there's one man who has a chance to stop him dead in his tracks…

 

(Blackout!)

 

"I AM…CYCLOOOOOOONE COMET!"

 

(And the crowd goes ballistic as blue and white lights flare around the arena! Neilsen sneers from his chair, glaring at the IGNTron as the distinctive whirlwind-fireball logo appears. The dramatic theme pumps through the arena… and suddenly the stage is alive with blue pyro, bursting and arcing like comets across the empty stage!)

 

NTD: Whoa! …Hey, where's Comet? Don't tell me he no-showed this time too!

 

Curry: I thought I saw him earlier, but he's not on stage…

 

JayG: Maybe he finally realized he just can't beat Neilsen…

 

(The pyro stops, and the arena returns to near-blackness… until a spotlight suddenly turns on, shooting down onto the Cell… and revealing the posed figure of Cyclone Comet, standing on top of the Cell! Neilsen jumps to his feet and stares wildly up at Comet, then swears roundly and grabs his chair, chucking it up at the ceiling in fury! Cyclone Comet does a bit more posing, then waves at the ecstatic crowd, then down at the angry Neilsen!)

 

Funyon: …er, and his opponent, hailing from Portland, Oregon, weighing in at 231 pounds… one-half of the IGNWF Tag Team Champions… Cycloooone COMET!

 

JayG: How the hell did he get up there?!

 

(As the crowd cheers, Comet walks over to one corner of the cage and makes a signal to someone in the rafters above. Three ropes, attached to a harness around Comet's waist, lift the wrestler up and then over the side, and Comet climbs hand-over-hand down the side of the cage. Reaching the ground, Comet quickly unbuckles the harness, which is lifted back up into the rafters as Comet high-fives some ringside fans! But Comet's face becomes serious as he glances into the Cell, where Neilsen is shouting insults at him, pointing at the Cell door. Comet walks around the Cell to the door, pauses for a moment… then grins hugely and shoves the door open, rushing into Hell in a Cell! Comet dives into the ring as Neilsen meets him with some stomps to the back as the bell rings!)

 

(Comet scrambles up and the two men start slugging it out, as the ref pulls the Cell door shut and slides into the ring. Neilsen nails a chop to Comet's throat, shoves Comet back to the ropes, then jumps onto Comet, hanging on with his legs as he claws at Comet's eyes! Both men fall to the ground, with Neilsen still holding on and biting at Comet's head like an animal! Neilsen fires some shots to Comet's head, then drags him up, kicking at his foe. Neilsen scoops Comet up… and body-slams him on one of the chairs with a bang! Neilsen spews insults at Comet, then drags him up again, hooks him, goes for a hip-toss… Comet blocks it, grabs Neilsen, spins him around back-to-back, and then hooks both arms and ducks down into a backslide! The ref is there, counts one, but Neilsen kicks out and scrambles up… and Comet meets him with a huge chop!)

 

Crowd: WHOOO! (…and again!) WHOOO! (…and once more!) WHOOO!

 

(Neilsen is backed into the ropes; Comet grabs him in a headlock, runs forward, and bulldogs him down into one of the chairs! Neilsen claps one hand to his head, but then grins madly and grabs the chair as he stands back up… but Comet has grabbed another, and the two men square off, holding their chairs at the ready as the crowd cheers!)

 

Curry: And we have a duel going on! Select your chairs, gentlemen!

 

NTD: I choose the warm one, for obvious reasons…

 

(Neilsen feints once, then swings straight at Comet's head; Comet knocks the chair away with his own, then retaliates, missing as Neilsen jumps backwards. Neilsen thrusts at Comet and then taunts him to take a swing; Comet fakes a head-shot and then goes low, nailing Neilsen in the hip. Neilsen shouts in pain as Comet brings his chair up… but Neilsen blocks the coming shot with the edge of his chair, then just chucks the chair straight at Comet, bouncing it loudly off his face! Comet reels backwards, dropping his chair and grabbing the ropes. Neilsen follows him in, punching at his head and body, then whips him across the ring, then ducks for an elevation but Comet jumps over, both men spin around, Comet goes for a right hand, Neilsen ducks and scoops Comet up, plants him, then changes his grip and lifts Comet up, flipping him and then bringing him down face-first to complete Swing Time! Neilsen extends his arms victoriously, then snarls at the jeering crowd as he grabs another chair. He lifts it up, and slams it down loudly on Comet's back! Comet arches in pain, and Neilsen brings the chair down with another loud crash, this time nailing Comet's leg! Neilsen switches his grip and drives the edge of the chair down on Comet's knee! Comet tries to get up while covering his knee, but Neilsen again throws the chair at Comet's head, connecting with a startling bang!)

 

JayG: This might be a shorter match than I thought; Neilsen is wasting Comet with those chair shots!

 

NTD: I dunno, Jayson; with Comet, it always seems like a loooong match…

 

Curry: Neilsen's grabbing another chair, he's opening it… and he's fitting it around Comet's leg! He's going after Comet's knee!

 

NTD: Pillmanization, baby!

 

(Comet's leg is jammed into the chair, fitting around Comet's knee like a nutcracker. Neilsen points at it, lets out a roar, bounces off the ropes, then jumps into the air… Comet comes to life and jerks his leg out of the way, and Neilsen comes down with a double-stomp on nothing but canvas! Comet clumsily rolls to his knees, hampered by the chair. Neilsen curses and lunges at Comet… and Comet suddenly snaps both hands up, and a very surprised Neilsen roars in pain as Comet clamps down on Neilsen's cargo shorts!)

 

Curry: Testicular claw! Comet's got Neilsen by the grapefruits!

 

NTD: Hey, I'm the only one allowed to do that! It's in my contract!

 

(Comet gets his feet under him and shoves upward, lifting the shouting Neilsen off the ground and onto Comet's back in a fireman's carry… and Comet falls to one side, driving Neilsen's head into the canvas!)

 

Curry: Testicular Death Valley Driver!?

 

JayG: Louis Spicolli must be rolling in his grave…

 

(Comet gets to his feet, grabbing the chair around his leg… but simply adjusts it around his shin, and then brings up Neilsen by one arm, applying the arm-wringer. Comet kicks at Neilsen's stomach, nailing him in the stomach with the chair; Neilsen doubles up. Comet kicks Neilsen's head with another metallic bang; Neilsen straightens up! And Comet spins and jumps, nailing an enzuigiri, bashing the chair into Neilsen's neck! The chair falls off of Comet's leg and thumps to the ground as Comet quickly rolls Neilsen and covers! The ref is there, ONE! TW… kickout just before two!)

 

NTD: That's a weird way to use a chair, but it worked!

 

JayG: Comet's innovation is also his weakness; those kicks with the chair weren't as strong as a straight chair shot, and Neilsen won't be stunned for… see? There you go!

 

(As Comet brought Neilsen up, Neilsen nails a double-thrust to Comet's throat, then a big chop across the chest! Neilsen shoves Comet to the corner, lays in some kicks, then whips Comet to the opposite corner. Comet hits hard chest-first and stumbles backwards, and Neilsen jumps, scissoring Comet's head, and hits a reverse rana, with Comet ending up on his chest and Neilsen on his head! Neilsen stands, works his feet underneath Comet's arms, then turns over into a side-roll cradle, pinning Comet's shoulders using his legs! The ref counts one, TWO, Comet gets his shoulders out from under Neilsen and shoves up to his feet, standing over Neilsen as if in a camel clutch, and now Comet turns over into a side-roll cradle on Neilsen! The ref counts one, two, Neilsen back-rolls out of it, and both men scramble to their feet. Comet lunges at Neilsen, who swiftly drops to one side with a toe-hold… and Comet's face gets planted into a chair!)

 

JayG: And just like that, Neilsen has the situation under control! You can see in the replay how he angled that toe hold so that Comet would make contact with the chair…

 

NTD: Er, not really… I don't think Neilsen even knew a chair was there… then again, the whole ring's filled with 'em!

 

(Neilsen is up, and he grabs another chair! Comet has some blood along his hairline as he grabs the ropes to regain his footing; Neilsen waits for him to straighten up… and then charges, jumping into the air and hitting a cross-body on Comet with the chair, and both men are sent over the top, tumbling down to the apron and then to the concrete! The ref slides out after them as both men get to their feet; Neilsen still has the chair, but Comet grabs it and the two tussle for it… and then Comet shoves himself forward, driving himself forward and Neilsen backwards into the Cell wall! Comet jumps away, then kicks the chair, smashing it against Neilsen's torso! Neilsen drops the chair and clutches his ribs; Comet quickly scoops him up for a slam, but instead runs straight at the Cell and spears Neilsen's head into it! The wall vibrates on impact, and Comet drops Neilsen down to the concrete, and then grabs hold of the wall and starts climbing! He only gets a few feet off the ground before suddenly letting go and hitting an elbow drop to Neilsen's body… Comet covers Neilsen on the concrete! The ref is there: one, TWO…)

 

Curry: Kickout… note that due to Commissioner Divefire's special hardcore rules for this match, pins can count anywhere, including outside the Cell itself…

 

JayG: You just have to keep rubbing that in my face, don't you? "Commissioner Divefire", dear God, where did I go wrong…

 

(Comet brings Neilsen up… and Neilsen kicks out, nailing Comet with a low blow, then waistlocks him and arches into a Northern Lights suplex! The ref counts one, TWO… kickout at two, and Neilsen is quickly up and stomping on Comet! Grabbing Comet by the mask, Neilsen drags him over to the Cell wall… and then mashes Comet's face into the steel! Comet yells with pain as Neilsen begins wrenching his opponent's head back and forth against the mesh, like cheese on a grater… Neilsen yanks Comet's head back and lays into him with a flurry of punches. Comet's mask is ripped up but still in one piece; Comet's previous cut along his head has been aggravated, and there's a new one on his cheek; blood zips down from under one flap of spandex.)

 

NTD: His mask is torn! Rip it off, Neilsen! Finally, Cyclone Comet's secret identity will be revealed!!

 

JayG: No one cares about his stupid secret identity! And we won't be able to tell anyway, because Neilsen's taking his face off along with the mask!

 

Curry: Comet fighting to his feet… that blood might get in his eyes after a while, that'll slow him down…

 

(Neilsen in control as he scoops Comet up, then walks unsteadily over to the steel chair DRIVES him down with a sit-out slam; Comet's neck and head impact on the steel! Comet collapses, and Neilsen rolls him onto his back… but doesn't go for the pin! Instead, he grabs the steel chair, and thrusts his hand through it so that it hangs on one shoulder. Neilsen heads away from Comet, towards a corner of the cage… and, bracing one foot on each wall, begins climbing up the corner of the Cell!)

 

Curry: Where the hell is Neilsen going? He's climbing the inside of the cage!

 

NTD: This could get very dangerous very quickly, Curry, look how high he is! That's ten feet… and he's still going!

 

(Eventually, Neilsen claws his way almost to the Cell's ceiling, then slowly pulls the chair off of his shoulder, hanging onto the cage with one clawed hand. Neilsen stares out into the crowd, who are on their feet cheering; some sickos are even chanting, "JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!" …Neilsen glares down at Comet, who's still laid out on the floor… Neilsen throws back his head and roars, and the crowd joins him! Neilsen clambers sideways, so that he's facing out of the Cell with his back towards Comet at ringside… Neilsen tenses… and then jumps! Neilsen spins in the air and holds the chair to his chest as he plummets down and SMASHES into the body of Cyclone Comet!)

 

Crowd (cheering crazily): HO-LY-****! HO-LY-****! I-G-N! I-G-N! I-G-N!

 

Curry: HOLY GOD! WHAT A HELL OF A SPLASH!! Neilsen from the top of the Cell, splashing Comet with that chair!! And both men are down!

 

JayG: My God! He really nailed Comet with that… fearless, Neilsen is completely fearless!

 

NTD: He's completely out of his mind, you mean!

 

(The replay shows Neilsen landing hard, Comet spasming in pain, Neilsen bouncing clean over Comet to roll into the Cell wall, clutching his chest where the chair smashed into him! Meanwhile, Neilsen slowly grabs the Cell to pull himself up; he's bleeding from the mouth, a cut lip, but he's smiling through it! Neilsen shakily gets up to his knees, then crawls over and drapes his body over Comet! The ref is there! ONE! TWO! THR…? Comet jerks one shoulder up, and the crowd goes even crazier!)

 

(Neilsen pushes himself up to his feet, looking murderously frustrated, then grabs Comet, hauls him up as well, then throws him into the ring. Both men take some time, as Comet just lays there in the ring and Neilsen leans against the Cell wall… but eventually Neilsen recovers and gets up to the apron. Comet, impossibly, is reaching for the ropes himself to get up! Neilsen stares at this, but then reaches down and grabs a handful of hair to help Comet up… and Comet grabs the second rope and drives forward with a shoulder-block to Neilsen's ribs! Neilsen doubles up, hanging onto the top rope with one hand… Comet grabs the top rope, bends back, then slingshots over Neilsen in a sunset flip, and lands on his feet on the outside! And Comet hooks Neilsen's legs, lifting him off of the apron, and runs forward, powerbombing Neilsen's back into the Cell! Neilsen roars with pain as he arches his back against the steel; Comet keeps hold of him, turns, and completes the power-bomb onto the concrete… and falls onto Neilsen for a cradle! ONE! TWO! Neilsen with the shoulder up!)

 

NTD: This is insane! These two guys should be in wheelchairs right now, but they're still going at each other!

 

JayG: Okay, fine, a good comeback… but if Comet thinks he can out-hardcore Neilsen, he truly deserves to be locked up!

 

(Comet stands up, holding Neilsen's leg… and then steps around into a leg twist, wrenching at Neilsen's knee! Another leg-twist… and then Comet lets go and pulls, bringing Neilsen closer to the cage… and Comet throws Neilsen's leg into the Cell wall! Neilsen grabs his knee in pain, but Comet gets control of it again and smashes it into the steel once more! Comet grabs Neilsen, brings him up, fireman's carry… but Comet brings Neilsen down legs-first, dropping Neilsen's bent leg onto a spandex-clad knee for a shinbreaker! Neilsen is down, but Comet brings him right back up, and throws him into the ring!)

 

Curry: Comet's focusing on the leg! Technical wrestling in a Hell in a Cell match?

 

NTD: When Hell in a Cell freezes over! HA!

 

(Comet rolls into the ring, and grabs Neilsen by the leg again, dragging him near one of the chairs in the ring. Comet steps over, flipping Neilsen into a half crab… and then Comet lifts up and then busts Neilsen's knee into the chair! Neilsen shouts with pain and curses, clutching his leg, as Comet walks across the ring and picks up another chair. Comet sets it up, then grabs another chair and throws it down in front of the opened one. Comet walks back over to Neilsen, pumping his fist for some crowd reaction, and he gets it as he drags Neilsen over to the chair. Comet shoves Neilsen down chest-first into the chair, then grabs him by the legs, ties them up… and then jumps up onto the opened chair, and leans down on Neilsen with the Comet's Tail leglock!)

 

Curry: Comet's Tail on the chair! And Neilsen's chest is being driven into the steel chair beneath him!

 

JayG: Come on, Neilsen, get up!

 

(Neilsen is clawing at the canvas, trying to push his way up; he clearly has something left, as he screams obscenities at Kivell when the ref asks him if he submits! Neilsen slowly shoves himself backwards… Comet leans further down, keeping on the pressure… Neilsen moves further back, now his head and shoulder are being driven into the mat… and from there, Neilsen suddenly jerks forward and somersaults forward, and Comet has to release him to avoid getting yanked off the chair!)

 

(Comet jumps down, grabbing the opened chair with one hand, the unopened one with the other. Neilsen rolls over and gets back to his feet, hopping a little on his leg… and he looks up just in time for Comet to box his ears with the chairs! Neilsen reels, then tries to close with Comet… Comet again hits a bell-clap with the chairs! And a streak of blood suddenly runs out of Neilsen's ear-hole and drips onto the canvas!)

 

Curry: Now BOTH men are bleeding! This is getting ugly, guys!

 

NTD: Cyke-dogg is HARDCORE! Hee hee hee!

 

Curry: Hey, no stealing catchphrases, you!

 

(Neilsen stumbles back, into the corner; Comet follows him in… and Neilsen jumps up to the second rope, grabs a headlock, and jumps out and around and down into a tornado DDT! Brushing away blood, Neilsen hauls Comet up again, then ducks around, jumps up onto the turnbuckles again… then jumps off, landing on Comet's shoulders and somersaulting forward into a victory roll, and he hangs onto one leg for the pin! One, TWO, kickout! And Comet gets back up… Neilsen is there, hooks him for a suplex, lifts him up, ROOOOARS, and charges across the ring… and nails the Rumbler on yet another chair! Comet bounces off of it, hands going to his bloody forehead as he collapses in the opposite corner! Neilsen grabs the chair, shoves it onto Comet, then drops an elbow into the chair! Neilsen covers Comet, sandwiching the chair… one, TWO, kickout!)

 

Curry: Neilsen with some very close falls here! And now he's stomping on Comet… Comet rolling out to the outside, and Neilsen's following him!

 

JayG: Persistence, Curry, that's the mark of a true champion!

 

(Neilsen grabs Comet's head and bashes it against the Cell wall, then turns around and slams it against the apron. Comet stumbles away, wincing as he tries to wipe blood from his eyes. His back is turned… Neilsen jumps up to the apron, then runs and jumps onto Comet from behind with a sleeper hold… and then flips forward into a "headstand", stabbing his legs into the air as he drives Comet's skull down into the concrete!)

 

NTD: Comet's gotten a Wet Dream! …Heh, I wonder if…

 

JayG AND Curry: SHUT UP, NTD!

 

NTD: What?! I wonder if he's still awake! That's all I was going to say!

 

(Neilsen rolls up to his feet, one hand clapped to his ear, trying to stop the blood flow. He aims some kicks at Comet, then grabs a chair out of the ring. Neilsen grins savagely as he carefully places the chair over Comet's head… and then jumps and lands a leg drop on the chair, and Comet convulses in pain! Neilsen glares down at him, an even bigger smile stretching across his bloody face. Neilsen grabs Comet and throws him into the ring… then grabs the chair, reaches in, and puts it over Comet's face… and then turns, grabs the Cell wall, and begins to climb again!)

 

Curry: Oh no… Neilsen is going up again?! How badly is he going to rack up his body this time!

 

NTD: Look at how he put that chair… he's not going for a leg drop off the Cell into the ring, is he?

 

Curry: That has to be it… he's crazy to try it, but he's smiling as he …Comet's moving! He's still in this!

 

(Neilsen is too busy climbing the cage to see Comet roll over and get to his feet, grabbing the chair that was on him. Neilsen is about level with the top rope… Comet brings the chair up and throws it like a harpoon, nailing Neilsen in the back! Neilsen yells and nearly falls, but hangs onto the cage with one hand, his feet scraping against the steel for purchase. Comet grabs the top rope… pauses there, getting his breath… and then jumps up to the top rope, leaps off, and HITS the springboard calf kick on Neilsen! Comet lands hard on the concrete, and Neilsen plummets down next to him!)

 

(Both men lie on the mat for a bit, gasping for air and bleeding steadily. Finally Comet shoves himself up, looking vacantly around, then seems to recover and grabs hold of Neilsen. Both men regain their feet, and Comet shoves Neilsen into the ring and then follows. Comet drags Neilsen into the center of the ring, ducks under one arm, and then lifts and drops Neilsen with a belly-to-back suplex. Comet glances down at Neilsen, glances up at the Cell… then, with a burst of speed, slides out of the ring, grabs the Cell, and begins climbing up!)

 

Curry: NOW where the hell is he going? He can't jump from the Cell onto Neilsen; it's too far! Neilsen's in the middle of the ring!

 

JayG: Maybe he thinks he's going to fly over to Neilsen! That, or shoot him with laser vision or something!

 

(Comet continues up the cage, struggling at places, but eventually reaching the very top of the Cell. For a second Comet just glances around, and actually waves one hand at the fans! Then Comet very carefully grabs hold of the ceiling itself… and swings away from the wall! Comet has grabbed hold of one of the cross-bars that make up the Cell roof, and starts going hand-over-hand, heading out over the ring! The crowd is cheering, chanting "CO-MET! CO-MET! CO-MET!" …Comet's hand slips, and he dangles precariously right above Neilsen! For a second it looks like he'll fall… but then, Comet lifts one leg up, and grabs it with his free hand, pulling it into a vertical splits! He holds it for a second… and then LETS GO with his other hand!)

 

Curry: LOOK OUT! …LEG DROP! LEG DROP ON NEILSEN! I can't believe it! What a move!

 

(The replay shows that indeed one of Comet's legs struck Neilsen's chest as the superhero almost on top of him! Comet clutches the small of his back as he painfully works his way over… and covers Neilsen! ONE! TWO! THR…NO! Neilsen with a shoulder up!)

 

Curry: This is getting very serious… both men have severe injuries, and I don't know if either of them can keep this up much longer!

 

JayG: Thank you very much, Curry, for your wonderful grasp of the completely obvious!

 

NTD: Obvious, and yet so true…

 

(Comet is looking a bit desperate as he gets back up. He grabs Neilsen, bringing him up. Comet with a right hand… Neilsen responds with one of his own! Comet hits a chop… Neilsen hits one two! Chopfest as both men waver on their feet… Neilsen fakes a chop but then lashes out with a kick. Comet catches his boot in mid-air, then throws it to one side, spinning Neilsen around… Comet dives forward, looking for a clothesline, but Neilsen grabs his arm and floats over Comet's back into a front headlock, and raises one hand to signal…!

 

NTD: Neilsen McTwist!! Neilsen McTWIIIIST!!

 

(…Neilsen spins around, locks on the three-quarter-nelson, but Comet shoves him off into the ropes! Neilsen rebounds backwards; Comet catches him, reaching around to snag his arms and bring him up into a straitjacket hold! Comet goes for the straitjacket suplex, but Neilsen swings one leg back to snag Comet's leg, grapevining it and blocking the suplex. Neilsen ducks down out of Comet's crossed-arm hold, whipping his hands free; he grabs Comet and, lunging forward, throws the masked man over the top rope! Comet lands hard, banging up against the Cell door!)

 

Curry: That seemed VERY familiar! That series of moves was almost exactly how Comet eked out a victory at From The Fire!

 

JayG: That NEVER HAP…

 

NTD: Shut up, JayG! (long pause) …Um, did I actually say that out loud?

 

Curry: Yup! Good for you, NTD!

 

JayG: (simmers with rage)

 

(In the ring, Neilsen picks up the last unmarked chair in the ring, holding it with one arm as he bounces off the far ropes… and then runs and dives over the top rope, down onto Comet as he stands up! Neilsen collides with Comet, knocking him back into the door… and the Cell door breaks and crashes down with Comet and Neilsen on top of it! Both men seem stunned, but Neilsen recovers and socks Comet in the face, then pins him! Kivell counts one, he counts TWO, but Comet kicks out before three! Neilsen stands, swearing, and grabs Comet by the legs. Tying them up, Neilsen steps over into a Texas Cloverleaf, then reaches down to grab Comet's tights by the waist… and, straining, Neilsen pulls Comet through his legs and up into the air, and brings him down in the Cloverbomb on the concrete! Neilsen gets his wind back, and then turns and picks up his chair, then grabs hold and starts climbing the Cell again, this time on the outside near one corner…)

 

Curry: Oh no… here we go again! Neilsen heading up top!

 

(But on the bottom, Comet turns and crawls around the corner of the cage, out of Neilsen's range! Standing, Comet hangs onto the cage for support as he looks up at Neilsen, who's looking down furiously at Comet… and Comet points at Neilsen, points at himself, then points straight up! Neilsen lets out a harsh laugh, then claws at the cage, climbing even higher… even as Comet grabs hold and starts scaling the Cell himself!)

 

NTD: Oh my God! Comet just told Neilsen he'd meet him at the top of the Cell! We're going to have an ending to this sixteen feet off the ground!

 

(The crowd is on its feet as the two men struggle to climb the Cell! Neilsen had a head-start, but is burdened with a chair, and so only beats Comet to the top by a few seconds. Hanging from the edge, Neilsen throws the chair onto the ceiling, then climbs up, stands on top of the Cell, then steps gingerly on the steel mesh as he goes over and picks up his chair again. When he turns around, Comet has already thrown one leg up and pulled himself over onto the ceiling too! Neilsen raises the chair as Comet stands, and the two men again square off, both men trying to avoid the perilous drop on all sides as they circle…)

 

(Neilsen pokes the chair in Comet's direction, taunting him, but Comet keeps his distance. Eventually, Neilsen snarls and then runs at Comet, swinging the chair. Comet jumps back, trips over a projecting crossbar, and falls onto his back. Neilsen is there in a second, throwing the chair down on Comet, then grabbing his legs and somersaulting forward into a jackknife pin on top of the Cell! Matthew Kivell, who's standing in the ring looking up at this, stares in confusion for a second, then raises one hand uncertainly…)

 

Kivell: Um… one! …Two! (Comet kicks out!) …Um, that's two…?

 

NTD: They're counting pins on top of the Cell??

 

Curry: Falls count anywhere, NTD, even up there!

 

(Both men roll to their feet, and both men grab hold of the chair! There's a tug-of-war as both men try to wrench the chair loose from the other… With a sudden snap, part of the mesh breaks away from its frame underneath Neilsen's foot, and the man from the jungle stumbles, letting go of the chair! Neilsen quickly falls to his hands and knees and scrambles away from the mesh before it can give way, but Comet is after him, throwing the chair to one side. Comet grabs Neilsen's arm, spins to wind it around his leg, then somersaults over into the La Magistral pin!)

 

Kivell (still in the ring): ONE! …TWO! …TH… two! (spreads his arms in confusion)

 

NTD: He seems a little uncertain… maybe he should go up there!

 

Curry: I don't think we pay him enough for him to do that…

 

NTD: Heck, are Neilsen and Comet paid enough to do it?

 

Curry: Good point…

 

(Neilsen and Comet both climb to their feet, and now Comet has the advantage, throwing lefts and rights, driving Neilsen backwards… and closer to the edge of the Cell! The camera catches the three commentators looking up apprehensively as Neilsen totters just above where their table is!)

 

JayG: I think maybe we should move…

 

Curry: Does Neilsen know he's that close?

 

NTD: I think Comet knows!

 

(Comet hits a huge chop, and suddenly Neilsen is standing on the edge of the Cell! He glances behind, and a look of real horror streaks across his face as he pinwheels his arms to keep his balance! Comet looks at Neilsen, shakes his head, gives him a hand-salute, then brings back one fist and lets fly…)

 

JayG: Look out!!

 

(But Neilsen blocks the blow, ducks around, hooks both of Comet's arms and drops down into a backslide, pinning the surprised Comet's shoulders to the ground! Kivell shouts one, TWO… and Comet kicks out, but Neilsen is already scrambling across the surface of the Cell on all fours, away from the edge. Comet is up and after him fast… Comet grabs him by the wifebeater and pulls him back up to his feet…)

 

JayG: CHAIR! Neilsen's got the chair!!

 

(And Neilsen spins and lets Comet have the chair right between the eyes! As Comet reels, Neilsen kicks him in the stomach, grabs him in a one-armed front headlock, raises the chair triumphantly… then spins, putting the chair on his shoulder and pinning Comet's head to it, and sits out into the Neilsen McTwist on the chair! Comet is knocked backwards and sprawls lifelessly onto the Cell!)

 

NTD: NEILSEN MCTWIST! McTwist with a McChair! Comet's out! It's over!!

 

(Neilsen is sitting on the Cell where he landed, laughing wildly! He drops the chair and, still laughing, turns to look at Comet… and breaks into another burst of mad laughter! Neilsen slowly stands, making his way over to Comet, and looks down on him.)

 

JayG: Pin him! PIN HIM! Come on!!

 

(…but Neilsen just reaches down, grabs Comet by one arm… and starts dragging him towards the Cell's edge! Again we see the commentators' table as Neilsen maneuvers Comet to just above them…)

 

JayG: Okay, I'm standing up now…

 

NTD: Me too!

 

Curry: He's not going to… oh God he is! Neilsen's going to throw Comet off the top of the Cell!!

 

(Neilsen slaps Comet, yelling at him to stand! Comet responds a little, and Neilsen backs away from Comet, and then crouches, waiting. Comet slowly gets to his hands and knees… he's up on one knee, holding his jaw with both hands… blood still trickles from his face as he finally stands up… and Neilsen jumps forward, extending one foot for a superkick that will take Comet off the Cell…)

 

(…and Comet jerks to one side! Neilsen's superkick gets nothing but air, and his sandal flies off his foot and spins down into the crowd! Neilsen desperately spins and twists as his momentum nearly sends him over… he balances on the edge, facing away from the drop, bending over to try and grab the Cell ceiling… but just as he gains his balance, Comet steps over to his side, hooks Neilsen's arm and head, grapevines one leg with his own…)

 

(…and Comet jumps back into a side Russian legsweep on Neilsen, which carries both men off the Cell in a falling arc…)

 

(…to land explosively on the commentator's table! Papers and electronics fly as the table shatters; Curry, NTD, and JayG dive in different directions as wood splinters and the crowd screams! Shouts and cheers echo through the arena as Comet and Neilsen lie on their backs in the middle of the destroyed table; neither of them are moving!)

 

Curry (utterly shocked): Good God… am I on? I… they both fell… sixteen feet, at least… God, can we get some help out here? I don't…

 

(The replay is shown: both men plummeting side-by-side off the cage to land on the table as JayG dives over the railing into the crowd to avoid it. Neither man has moved when we return; the crowd is chanting both their names, but still they lie there…)

 

Curry: I don't know… I'm on? I am? …Uh, we have some problems here… we've got Neilsen and Comet out here, they both look in very bad shape… and I'm not sure…

 

(Matty K. has exited the cage and is running full-tilt around the Cell, as Jayson, NTD, and Curry all look down in disbelief at the two unconscious wrestlers The camera focuses on Neilsen; blood is pooling around one side of his head, and his face is strangely peaceful. The camera turns to look at Comet; one arm seems to have become dislocated, stretched at an odd angle above his head…)

 

(…and Comet's eyes suddenly open! He still doesn't move, just blinks… then tries to move, and lets out a gasp of agony. Slowly, Comet turns his head to look beside him; Neilsen hasn't moved at all. Comet gasps for air, then, with his good arm, slowly pulls himself over, rolling… and as he flops over onto his stomach, his dislocated arm comes down on Neilsen's shoulder! Matthew Kivell looks down at this, looks around for guidance … and then drops to his knees and makes the count!)

 

Kivell: ONE! TWO! THREE! Ring the damn bell! Get some damn doctors out here!

 

(The bell rings, and the crowd cheers, uncertain what just happened…)

 

Funyon (into the mike): Um…Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner… Cyclone Comet!

 

(The crowd cheers at that, as three EMTs rush from the back, one of them shoving a wheeled stretcher. On their heels are Rane, Axis, and Suicide of Phoenix Uprising, tearing down the aisle towards their fallen comrade. Both Rane and Axis arrive at Comet's side, ignoring Neilsen; Suicide takes his time, looking up at the Cell appreciatively as he circles it.)

 

NTD: …thing I've ever seen! Craziest thing too! …Hey, I'm on! Curry, that was absolutely incredible!

 

Curry: A startling and worrisome end to this match… but Cyclone Comet has indeed pinned Neilsen to advance in the world title tournament… if he is able to participate after that fall, that legsweep from the top!

 

(Rane and Axis shove an EMT away as they scoop up Comet in a two-man cradle. The hero looks dazed and doesn't respond as Suicide jumps up and down in front of him, giving him a big thumbs-up! Rane and Axis give him a dirty look as they carefully bring Comet around the ring and towards the aisle; the crowd is on its feet, giving the victor a standing ovation!)

 

Curry: Well, ladies and gentlemen… we'll be sure to update you on the condition of these brave, and insane, fighters, as soon as we can… until then, this is Curry Man, for NTD and Jayson Grant, good night from Springfield, Virginia!

 

(The EMTs are working over Neilsen, who abruptly sits up! The crowd pops big time as he stares around and begins to try and get up. The EMTs try to calm him as Comet, carried by his friends, makes his way under the entrance arch as Storm comes to an end…)