SWF Smarkdown - July 26th!

[the.weej 0]

We begin with an up close shot of the USJL Championship slung over someone's shoulder. The camera pulls out to reveal Manson, to the cheers and chants of the Portland, Maine crowd! Adorned in his standard outfit, in addition to a black leather jacket, and bandage around his knee, Manson hurriedly walks through the Cumberland County Civic Center, appearing to be searching for someone.

 

In this scene previous to SWF Smarkdown, the bowels of the arena are filled with activity. Staffers running every which way, wrestlers exercising and getting ready for their matches, however even among the busy atmosphere, a highly tense and distressed Commissioner Alex Zenon stands out among them, as he goes over a clipboard in some random hallway.

 

"ALEX!" shouts Manson.

 

Zenon looks up from a clipboard, wondering what Manson could want, as he walks over to him.

 

"We've gotta talk…" Manson says fervently.

 

"I'm listening, but make it quick…" Zenon replies.

 

"You know I've been working with this knee injury lately, and because of that, you're gonna have to give me Smarkdown off…" says Manson, as some boos from the crowd can be heard.

 

"Hm?!" murmurs Zenon, puzzled.

 

"Well, as much as I'd like to wrestle tonight, if you want a healthy champion walking into Ground Zero, making the most of it and walking back out with the belt, you're gonna have to give me this show off to rest my leg."

 

"That's a very good point, and as much as I want you involved tonight… your request is granted…" replies Zenon, as he turns his attention back to the clipboard in his hand.

 

"Great. I appreciate it…" says Manson, who begins to walk off, only to hear Zenon once again.

 

"And by the way, I'm sure you're interested… A USJL Contendership Match has been booked for tonight… Max King versus Vladimir Everheart in a Tables Match… Have a nice show off…" Zenon says smugly.

 

Manson bristles and snarls at the mere mention of the two, gripping his belt tighter before continuing on, as we…

 

FADE OUT

[the.weej 0]

Card:

 

 

MAIN EVENT

NO DISQUALIFICATION NON TITLE MATCH

Janus vs. Toxxic

The PPV is right around the corner. Janus must face Toxxic and Tom Flesher with his precious World Championship on the line! But Toxxic squeaked a win past Flesher, and as a result he gets a chance to soften up Janus and formulate his strategy! These two gladiators meet in a what will be a preview of a tremendous main event at Ground Zero! Hey, and it's no DQ! In addition to the brutality this will hopefully engender you don't suppose Flesher might take an interest in this match, do you? Nah.

Rules: no dq. no countout. falls count only in the ring.

 

SINGLES MATCH

Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix vs. Ace Lezaire

Maddix has a top secret problem getting ready to jump all over him at Ground Zero. Ace Lezaire wants in to the ICTV division so bad he can freaking TASTE it. It seems to me that each man could be the answer to the other's prayers. A win over a former ICTV champ is just what Ace needs, and if Landon could decisively defeat as formidable a challenger as Ace, Johnny Dangerous would certainly sit up and take notice.

Rules: Standard singles match.

 

THE AT THIS POINT REQUISITE HANDICAP MATCH!

Sean Davis vs. Ced Ordonez and Munich

Sean Davis has seen Janus win two consecutive handicap matches. Sean Davis wants to be seen as every bit the force that Janus is. Sean Davis has decided that this is the way to go. Zed is not merciless though, and was unwilling to just sacrifice up two jobbers at random. No, instead Commissioner Zenon has offered Ced and Munich a chance for redemption from last week's BRUTAL beating at the hands of Janus. We know they can do it. The question now is, do they?

Rules: normal rules. ced and munich must tag in and out.

 

TAG MATCH

Andrea Montgomery & The Birdman vs. THE WAYWARD SONS!!! (Edward James and Alan Clark)

The unlikely pairing of Ms. Montgomery and the Birdman somehow got ahold of the tag contenderships! Well, let's see what they can really do as a tag team, or are they another slapdash random pairing of singles wrestlers? Sending them against an established tag team should help us determine that right shortly!

Rules: Standard tag match. Use the tag ropes!

 

USJL CONTENDERSHIP TABLES MATCH

"The Icon" Max King vs. "The Corona" Vladimir Everheart

Now, you are undoubtedly as confused as I am. Well, the Masked Man lost his title on Lockdown to Manson. He then stormed into Commissioner Zenon's office, throwing furniture around and DEMANDING to not get a rematch! Read that again. Ah... MM. What a card. Apparently he wants to put his entire effort into his newfound partnership with Todd Cortez. Well, the SWF marches on and we need someone to face Manson at the PPV! Enter two of our newest and brightest talents. They're being given the chance to shine, once they too throw some furniture around.

Rules: no countouts, no dqs. first man to be put through a table loses.

 

SINGLES MATCH

"The Paladin" Chance Silver vs. Candace

When noobs attack! Technical difficulties prevented Mr. Silver's match from being shown on Lockdown. With this being the last show before Ground Zero, if he wants to make an impression this is the time to do it! But our latest import form the East may have different ideas about that...

Rules: Standard singles match.

 

CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE MATCH

"Hollywood" Spike Jenkins vs. "The Superior One" Tom Flesher

And now, Spike will find out the downside of allying himself with the Straight-Edge Sensation! Flesher requested a match with Toxxic for this show to finally show the young upstart what's what, but Toxxic has, shall we say, other problems tonight. Not to be placated, Flesher then demanded a shot at Jenkins! Tom plans to send a message loud and clear to Toxxic through the broken and bruised body of his compatriot. Spike Jenkins faces the most dangerous challenge of his entire career, tonight on Smarkdown! And if by some miracle he should defeat Flesher, one of the greatest champions the SWF has ever known... well, the spectre of Austin Sly waits for him on the horizon...

Rules: Standard singles match. Well, except for one tiny little thing... Toxxic is barred from ringside.

[the.weej 0]

“WELCOME TO S… W… F… SMAAAARKDOWN!” shouts the Masked Avenger himself. “This is my partner, Bobby Riley, and I’m CYCLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE COMET~!”

 

“Of course you are,” Riley sighs. “Fans, we’ve got a great show ahead of us tonight, but I… can’t shake the feeling that they accidentally put the main event first. Tom Flesher is jerking the curtain!”

 

“True enough. He’s taking on Cruiserweight Champion ‘Hollywood’ Spike Jenkins, and Toxxic is barred from ringside! What effect will that have on the match? Not much, I would wager, were I the sort of cad who did. Toxxic, after all, refuses to cheat.”

 

“I can’t believe you buy that line!” says Riley. “He beat Tom Flesher, and that’s evidence enough for me that he’s a dirty, rotten, cheating bastard. I mean, how else would he have managed that?!”

 

“In Buffalo, no less,” says Comet. “In any event, Tom Flesher takes on Toxxic’s fellow Revolution Zero member, with the Cruiserweight Title on the line! Let’s go to Funyon!”

 

Funyon, impeccably dressed as always, steps into the ring. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he says, “tonight’s opening contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the SWF Cruiserweight Championship! Standard cruiserweight rules apply: there will be a 20-count on the outside of the ring, and throwing the opponent over the top rope is grounds for an immediate disqualification. Making his way to the ring…”

 

BOOM!

 

An explosion of blue pyro and smoke lights up the Cumberland County Civic Center as “Kashmir” begins to blare throughout the arena! Tom Flesher walks through the curtain, looking thoroughly displeased at losing his place of honor as the second entrant. With Allison Onita at his side, Flesher struts to the ring, looking aloof and focused. He climbs the stairs, and as usual, the music fades. He looks at Funyon, who sighs and draws an index card from his pocket.

 

“Tonight, you see before you one of the seven modern wonders of the world. Weighing in at 229 and nine-tenths of a pound, from Buffalo, New York, this man is a master of the Greco-Roman art of combat, a brilliant strategist, and… (jesus…) an absolute demon in the boudoir. How can his adversary hope to compete? Quite simply, he cannot. He will, as all the others have before him, bow down before ‘the Superior One,’ TOM FLESHER!!!!”

 

Flesher golf-claps for himself as Allison helps strip off his warm-up suit. He starts to loosen up, but before he can get through his usual stretch, the techno beats of Darude’s “Sandstorm” begins playing over the announce system, as…

 

 

*BOOM*

 

 

…White pyro goes off on each side of the stage. “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins appears out from the backstage area, followed by his fellow stablemate, Jet. Spike stops at the entrance ramp, the hood of his jacket covering his head, while he stares at the ground. Spike flips the hood off his head, throwing his arms out in a cocky manner for the whole world to see. Spike and Jet begin to make their way down to the ring.

 

“And his opponent, from Hollywood, California, and weighing in at 225 pounds… the SWF Cruiserweight Champion, ‘HOLLYWOOD’ SPIKE JENKINS!!!!”

 

Spike mocks the fans in the front row, as he climbs up the steel steps onto the ring apron. He walks across the ring apron, proclaiming his ignorance to the fans with his arms in the air. Spike steps through the ring ropes, and peels his jacket off. He tosses it to Jet at ringside, as he waits for the match to begin.

 

 

DING DING DING!!!!

 

 

“This one’s underway,” says Cyclone Comet as Tom Flesher and Spike Jenkins circle around each other in the center of the ring. Jenkins leans forward, grabbing for a collar-and-elbow tie. Flesher backs away, though, and chidingly wags his finger in Spike’s face as if to say “Don’t even think about it.” He steps back and rolls his shoulders out, then slowly cracks his neck from side to side. The fans begin to boo, and Spike steps in again to look for the lock… but Flesher takes a step back and shakes his head, looking distracted. He holds his hands up, claiming his personal space, and stretching out a little bit more. Frustrated, Spike turns toward the referee, who simply shrugs.

 

“What on earth is Flesher doing?” asks Comet. “I’m not sure what he thinks he’s up to, but…”

 

“He didn’t get to stretch out,” says Riley dismissively. “Give the man a chance to warm up!”

 

Flesher cracks his neck again, then takes a deep breath. Jenkins, by now incredibly angry, lunges toward Flesher… who takes a step back, shaking his head sadly.

 

“Nope, that’s not gonna do it,” says Riley. “The thing is, people don’t understand what a well-oiled machine Tom Flesher is. He’s not the sort of thing you can just flip a switch and turn on. The world would be so much better if he was, but Comet, he’s just not.”

 

Comet simply stares blankly at Riley.

 

Riley raises an eyebrow. “What?”

 

Jenkins turns toward the ref, angry and frustrated, pleading with Hardcastle to force Flesher to start the match. Hardcastle tries to explain to Spike that there’s nothing he can do, but Spike doesn’t have time for a rejoinder, as Flesher crouches down and hammers him in the side with an explosive double-leg takedown! Jenkins collapses to the mat as Flesher covers his hips, then slides down and hooks his left leg as the Revolution Zero member bellies down. Tom stands up, bending the leg back and snagging a quick and dirty half-crab hold! As he does, Spike starts frantically scrambling toward the ropes. Before Flesher can sit back and cinch the hold, the Cruiserweight Champion grabs the bottom rope and hangs on for dear life! Hardcastle begins his count.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

FOUR!

 

Finally, and with a sigh of great inconvenience, Flesher rolls his eyes and releases the crab hold. He backs away, nodding impatiently as the SWF’s junior referee admonishes him, and Jet comes over to talk to Jenkins.

 

“There you see one of the major advantages that Revolution Zero has shown since its inception,” Comet notes. “Jet is not only competent as a strategist, but her presence seems to calm Spike Jenkins and encourage him to wrestle in a more careful, deliberate style.”

 

“Bah!” spits Riley. “She’s just another meddling jezebel… but at least she’s not as skanky as Megan Skye. She’s always getting in the way of Much More Maddix.”

 

“Well, I can clearly see why that would infuriate you.”

 

Jenkins nods as Jet talks to him, helping him regain his focus. Flesher, meanwhile, rolls his eyes as Hardcastle finishes his lecture. Spike gets to his feet facing the ropes, and Flesher shushes Hardcastle with a “Listen, shut up for a second.” He shoves past the official and lunges toward Spike, looking for a rear waistlock and German. Jet points frantically at Flesher, and Spike pivots. As he turns, he throws a hard back elbow that catches Flesher in the jaw, and Tom takes a step backwards. Spike steps toward him, then pivots again and hammers Flesher in the jaw with a spinning heel kick! The crowd gasps as Flesher collapses to the mat, caught totally off-guard by Spike’s shockingly effective offense.

 

“And that, Robert, is precisely why Revolution Zero is dangerous,” says Comet. “With two relatively inexperienced members – Toxxic and Sean Davis – and a third member who is known for little more than floundering in the lower card, people are apt to underestimate the members. It’s easy to forget that Spike Jenkins has improved by leaps and bounds over the past six months, and that Toxxic carries himself as a veteran of the sport, while both are augmented by Sean Davis’s immense size and power.”

 

“Sure, you say that now,” Riley replies, “but you wait until Ground Zero, when you see Spike staggering around with a naked waist, Toxxic on his back, and Tom Flesher dominating both weight classes. Where’s your messiah now, Comet?”

 

“Reverend Moon? Why, I believe his residence is in Washington, DC. Why do you ask?”

 

“I knew that stay in Southeast Asia wasn’t going to be good for you,” sighs Riley.

 

Flesher sits up instinctively, not quite sure where he is or what he’s doing. Spike, more than happy to help with the illusion, steps forward and lets fly with a quick spin-kick to Flesher’s face! The Superior One’s head snaps back, and Spike dives onto him for

 

ONE!

 

 

Flesher kicks out easily, but even so, the crowd is shocked by Spike’s take-charge game plan. He stands up and looks down at Flesher, then… begins golf-clapping for himself. The crowd boos, and Spike’s face twists up into a half-smirk, half-sneer even as Jet joins in.

 

“Now he’s just trying to rub it in,” Riley whines. “First he hits Flesher with those illegal loaded boots, and then he rips off Taamo’s whole act! What’s next – using the Superior Stretch Beta to finish people?”

 

“Uh, Robert?”

 

“Eh?”

 

“Oh, never mind,” says Comet, thinking better of it.

 

As Spike continues the golf-clap, he turns away… only to quickly double over in pain and fall to the mat, his face twisted up in agony. The crowd boos even louder, not sure who’s more worthy of abuse – the annoying Hollywood kid, or the guy that just engaged in…

 

“Unethical treatment of the testicles if I’ve ever seen it,” protests Comet. “I can’t believe Hardcastle didn’t see that!”

 

“See what?”

 

“Yes, yes, I know. Your monitor went out.”

 

“Budget cuts, Comet. I don’t even HAVE my own monitor anymore.” Riley sighs. “They cut my wardrobe budget, too.”

 

“I don’t see how that’s an issue. You wear the same powder-blue ruffled tuxedo to every pay-per-view.”

 

“It’s a timeless style! How can you mess with it?!”

 

Flesher gets back up to his feet, and Sexton Hardcastle confronts him. Flesher shakes his head, his face looking like it’s an insult to even ask if he did, in fact, hit a low blow. Flesher rolls his eyes and grabs Spike’s boots. He spreads them, looks at Sexton, and says, “If I was going to low blow him, you’d KNOW it!” With that, he stomps down with all his might on Spike’s crotch! The crowd boos loudly, and Hardcastle reprimands Flesher forcefully. Flesher backs away, protesting that he was only trying to make a point. Frustrated, Hardcastle can’t do much besides shuffle to the side as Flesher pushes past him and gets another stomp in, this one to Spike’s midsection. Jenkins, meanwhile, just curls up on the mat, hoping for the pain to subside.

 

Flesher reaches to the mat, grabbing Jenkins by the hair and pulling him to his feet. Still weakened by the blow, Jenkins isn’t in any condition to fight as Flesher clamps on a front facelock and jacks him up. He hoists Spike into the air until he’s totally vertical, and then falls back with a textbook suplex that sends the Cruiserweight Champion crashing to the mat. Spike arches his back as Flesher floats over and covers hi, with Hardcastle counting

 

ONE!

 

 

Once again, though, it’s too early. Spike kicks out, though not without some effort. Flesher plants his forearm on Jenkins’ nose and grinds it down, pinning him down and looking at the official expectantly. Hardcastle counts

 

ONE!

 

 

Still, the cover isn’t enough to put the champion down, and Flesher settles for letting Jenkins belly down. He slides over, planting his seat on the small of Spike’s back. He reaches down, grabbing Jenkins’ chin with both hands and yanking it back, settling into a camel clutch! Not sure how to react, the fans sit on their hands as Flesher shuffles forward to increase the pressure on the neck.

 

“We’ve seen Flesher do this before,” says Riley. “Depending on what he’s planning to attack, he’ll adjust his position slightly to fatigue that area a little more. He moved back when he was attacking Crow’s stomach, and here you see him stretching the neck a little more. Really, it’s quite ingenious.”

 

Flesher pulls hard on Spike’s chin, working for all the fatigue he can get. Spike struggles, trying to escape. Jet cheers him on from the sideline, even as Allison Onita hops up onto the apron to shout encouragement to her charge. After a few seconds, though, Flesher realizes that he’s not going to register the submission without more work to set it up. He gets up and grabs a handful of Spike’s hair, pulling him back to his feet. With a quick pivot, he whips Spike toward the ropes. Jenkins rebounds, and Taamo poses in the center, stepping forward with a palm thrust! Spike sees it coming, though, and ducks the strike! This prompts a pop from the crowd, despite their dislike for both competitors, and the Cruiserweight King continues across the ring. He bounces off the ropes, and as Flesher turns around, Jenkins leaps into the air! He grabs the Superior One’s neck and crashes to the mat with a floating neckbreaker! Flesher, stunned, stays on the mat as Jenkins backs away, trying to buy a few seconds to recover.

 

“Phantom Neckbreaker!” shouts Cyclone Comet. “Out of nowhere, the charcoal-grey Jenkins nails the jet-black Flesher with a stunning impact maneuver that allows him to recuperate!”

 

Flesher’s chest heaves as he sits up and slowly moves his neck, checking to see if everything is still in working order. Flesher sits up, shaken. Before he knows what hit him, though, he’s nailed in the back of the head with a running enzuigiri!

 

“DANGEROUS WIZARD~!” shouts Comet. “Spike Jenkins hits that variation on Jay Dawg’s Shining Black, and doubtless Tom Flesher’s head is ringing like the Liberty Bell! It seems odd to see Jenkins fighting on the side of justice, but sometimes, heroes’ hats are less than the purest shade of white.”

 

“Spike’s is really more of a mushroom grey,” says Riley. “Or, actually, more like that pair of underwear you haven’t washed since you bought them.”

 

“… of course.”

 

Jenkins rolls onto Flesher, covering him for

 

ONE!!!

 

 

TWO!!!!

 

 

 

NO!! Flesher kicks out, but winces at the pain. He rolls to his stomach as Spike, showing the effects of a significant adrenaline rush, backs away and watches him closely. As Tom gets to his feet, Spike grabs him by the wrist. He whips Flesher to the corner, and Tom hits hard. He staggers out as Spike lies in wait. Jenkins catches him mid-step, throwing one arm around Flesher’s neck to set up a uranage! Flesher tries to pull away, but the Revolution Zero member moves too quickly! In the blink of an eye, Jenkins drops to his knees, jarring Flesher’s jaw against his shoulder with the Minor Threat! Flesher pops straight up from the impact of the jawbreaker, then stumbles back into the corner!

 

“Jenkins hits the Minor Threat, and Robert, you can’t deny the benefits of training under Toxxic!”

 

“Sure you can. When’s the last time Jenkins got his hands on some Yes-I-Cannibis? His motivation’s got to be shot!”

 

Jenkins, though, seems to disagree with Riley. He sprints to the corner opposite Flesher’s. Building up speed, Jenkins runs out of the corner and dives into a handspring. With a powerful jump, Hollywood leaps off the mat and unleashes a gamengiri!

 

Unfortunately, there’s no face there to kick.

 

“Flesher ducks the Tidal Wave!” cackles Riley, as Jenkins bounces back off the turnbuckle. He falls to the mat as Flesher starts to get to his feet. Spike, in obvious pain, lays on the mat as Flesher steps toward him.

 

“And he’s lucky that he did,” Comet says. “Even though Jenkins’ karma has apparently caught up with him, in that Justice refuses to reward him for only a single foray onto the light side, Taamo is certainly no better off than his adversary.”

 

Jenkins stays on the mat for a few more seconds as Flesher leans against the ropes to regain his wind. As Spike starts to stir, Flesher is forced to go into action before he’s quite ready to. Nonetheless, he reaches down and hooks the champion by the waist. Spike stands up, saving Flesher a considerable amount of energy. The Superior One tightens his grip and arches back, letting fly with a loud kiai as he throws Jenkins overhead with a German suplex! He unlocks his hands at the height of the arch, releasing Spike and sending him crashing to the mat neck-first! Flesher collapses, though, and even as Spike lays motionless on the mat, he’s unable to capitalize.

 

“That was a beautiful released German suplex!” gushes Bobby Riley. “Picture-perfect! Did you see how hard Spike landed?”

 

“If it was indeed perfect, Flesher would have gotten the pin,” Comet points out.

 

Flesher very, very slowly crawls over. With a great deal of effort, he manages to drape his body over Spike’s chest. Hardcastle counts

 

ONE!!!

 

 

TWO!!!

 

 

 

NO!!!!! Spike kicks out!

 

“Spike Jenkins would have been done for if Flesher had been just a little bit quicker!” says Riley. “The Cruiserweight Chump’s in trouble!”

 

“Spike would have been in trouble, yes,” agrees Comet, “had he not done enough damage that Flesher was unable to capitalize on his own maneuver. Jenkins is holding his own, Robert.”

 

Spike rolls to his stomach once again, and Flesher dives onto him. He reaches down, snagging Spike by the chin and pulling his head back. Jenkins forces his head down, trying with all his might to defend against the camel clutch that Flesher used to get the advantage earlier in the match. Taamo yanks back on the chin, but Jenkins fights with everything he has to break it, and lunges forward. Flesher smirks and shoves his head forward, then dives to the front and hooks Jenkins in the Gedo Clutch! Allison cheers with delight as Hardcastle counts

 

ONE!!

 

 

TWO!!!!

 

 

 

THR- NO!!!!!!

 

“SO close!” says Riley. “Come on, are you going to look at that and tell me that Tom Flesher doesn’t have it ALL over Jenkins when it comes to ring awareness and just plain smarts?”

 

“In the end, it doesn’t matter who the smarter wrestler is, or which competitor has smoked his body weight in cannabis more often. All that matters is who secures the fall.”

 

Jenkins rolls away, freeing himself from the pinning combination. He rolls over one shoulder onto his feet and stands up as quickly as he can. Flesher, a little bit slower to get up, pays for his lackadaisical attitude when Jenkins dives at his shins with a soccer tackle!

 

“The tutelage of Toxxic is paying dividends for Spike Jenkins,” says Cyclone Comet. “He hits Tom Flesher with a soccer tackle and takes away the challenger’s momentum!”

 

Flesher gets up, not significantly damaged by the soccer tackle, but more tripped up. Jenkins lies in wait, watching Flesher closely. As the Superior One turns toward him, Spike thrusts his boot into Taamo’s jaw with a superkick!

 

“Darling, save the Last Dance for me!” shouts Comet, musically. “Flesher eats the sweet chin music of the Drifters and drifts off into semi-consciousness!”

 

“Jesus Christ,” murmurs Riley. “You’re one walking non-sequitur.”

 

“Only because Mr. Flesher is temporarily off his feet.”

 

Flesher rolls away, grimacing in pain. He shakes his head, trying to regain his senses, even as Spike backs away. Ready to make another surgically precise strike, Spike waits and watches his opponent pull himself to his feet with the ropes. As Flesher slowly stands up, Hollywood sprints toward him and hooks him by the head with a diamond cutter! Spike falls forward… but Tom hooks the top rope and stays standing! Spike hits the mat, surprised, and Flesher takes advantage by hammering him in the back of the head with a sitdown dropkick! Taamo gets back up, starting to get his second wind as the head strike buys him a few seconds.

 

“Tom Flesher shows outstanding ring awareness,” says Bobby, “in avoiding Jenkins’ deadly Bad Beat and using it to get some recovery time. I mean, come on, Comet. Jenkins is just plain outclassed.”

 

“If he’s outclassed, Robert, why hasn’t Flesher walked over for the win yet?”

 

“Well, he has to make it look good.”

 

Flesher shakes off the last of the cobwebs as Spike starts to move around a bit on the mat. Taamo grabs him by the hair, pulling him into a tight front headlock before he can recover. He ducks his head under and lifts Jenkins into the air, then holds him upside-down. He stalls…

 

and stalls…

 

“Look at the hang time,” marvels Riley.

 

… and stalls....

 

until finally, Flesher drops to the mat, sending Jenkins headfirst to the mat with a brainbuster! Hollywood bounces off the mat and then collapses back down, where Flesher rolls onto him! He makes the cover, and Hardcastle makes the count.

 

ONE!!!

 

 

TWO!!!!

 

 

 

THREE- NO!!!!!!

 

“Jenkins gets his shoulder up!” says Comet. “Look at the sheer will!”

 

The Superior One sneers at Hardcastle, holding up three fingers and shouting for him to ring the bell. Sexton shakes his head, standing his ground and holding up two fingers (and prompting a “TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” from the ever-trendy nearly-Canadian crowd). Flesher shrugs, as if to say, “I’ll show you what a three-count looks like.” He grabs his limp adversary by the waist and lifts him to his feet, then arches back for another explosive German suplex! Before he can complete the throw, though, Jenkins shifts his weight and rolls back! He lands on his feet behind Flesher, and in a heartbeat, jumps off the mat and clobbers Flesher with an enzuigiri! Tom staggers forward, taking one step… then another… and then flopping down onto his face, prompting a cheer from the crowd.

 

Spike Jenkins, though, doesn’t have time to pop for the Flesher flop. He dives down onto Flesher, hitting him in the back of the head with a knee drop to stun him. Then, with a look of desperation on his face, Jenkins grabs Flesher and hooks him into a standing headscissors. The crowd pops for the possibility of Spike Defying the System, and he starts to lift Flesher up for the Styles Clash. Flesher sandbags, though, grabbing Jenkins by the leg and desperately hanging on to the mat! Spike struggles, trying to hit Flesher with the absolutely deadly move, but the Superior One digs down deep! He stands up, fully extending his body and sending Spike head over heels with a back body drop! The fans boo, disappointed that they won’t see Hollywood’s money move. Flesher, meanwhile, simply drops to his knees.

 

“And there you see a man looking for his last refuge,” says Cyclone Comet. “It’s obvious that Tom Flesher neglected to put in the necessary time to train for Spike Jenkins, much less enough work to use Jenkins to prove a point to Toxxic. Jenkins, even injured as he is, has held his own, and both men are showing desperation!”

 

“You,” says Riley, “are suck a dick.”

 

Flesher backs into the ropes, his body battered. Spike starts to get to his feet, keeping up the pace that’s allowed him to stay competitive throughout the match. “Even when Spike Jenkins is hurting,” says Cyclone Comet, “he refuses to give up or show weakness. You have to admire that in a man like Hollywood.”

 

“Even when he’s grossly outmatched, the boy keeps coming back for more,” yawns Riley. “What a smart guy.”

 

Spike turns to face Flesher, but…

 

WHACK!!!!

 

The Superior One charges at him, hammering him with a Yakuza kick that sends the Cruiserweight Champion spilling to the mat! Spike collapses in a heap as Flesher overruns him! Flesher looks down at the mound of Jenkins, then drops down. He rolls the Cruiserweight Champion to his back and covers him, looking up at Sexton Hardcastle. The referee drops to the mat and counts

 

ONE!!!

 

 

TWO!!!!!

 

 

 

THRE – NO!!!!!!

 

“What intestinal fortitude being shown by the Cruiserweight Champion!” says Comet. “Not only is he showing outstanding resilience, but he’s doing so in the face of mindless, jabbering naysayers!”

 

“What, so he gets a medal just for wrestling the match? That doesn’t make him anything special. That barely makes him qualified!”

 

“Case in point.”

 

Flesher sneers and shakes his head, disappointed that the Yakuza kick didn’t get the win. He backs away, allowing Jenkins to roll to his stomach to avoid another cover. Jenkins, slightly dazed, starts to push up to his feet. The challenger, waiting for an opening, hovers behind him. As Hollywood stands up, Flesher dives in behind him and grabs hm around the waist. He ducks his head under Jenkins’ left arm and stands up, lifting him off the mat. Then, with a powerful back arch, Flesher throws the champ backwards. Spike falls backwards, landing on the crown of his head as Flesher hits a picture-perfect backdrop driver! Jet shrieks in anger as Spike rolls over and lands on his stomach. She sprints over, pounding the apron by Spike’s head to try and awaken him. Flesher, though, simply rolls onto him. “Whelp, that’s gonna do it,” says Riley. “Get the commercial ready to run, and tell the nooblets they’re on.”

 

With a smug grin, he makes the cover. Sexton Hardcastle drops in for the academic three-count.

 

ONE!!!

 

 

TWO!!!!!

 

 

 

THREE!!!!!!

 

 

“NO!!!” shouts Jet, quickly grabbing Spike’s leg and yanking it over the bottom rope. “HIS FOOT’S ON! ARE YOU BLIND?!”

 

Hardcastle looks over and sees that Jenkins’ foot is, indeed, on the bottom rope. He waves off the fall, and the fans shower him with a chorus off boos. Allison Onita screams, slapping the apron and yelling to try to get Hardcastle to let the pin stand. Confused, unsure how to proceed, the official simply dusts off his hands and backs away.

 

“What a miscarriage of justice!” bellows Riley. “You better believe that Sexton Hardcastle’s going to be in front of Alex Zenon’s desk tomorrow morning, begging to keep his job! I can’t believe he’s letting this crap stand!”

 

“Well, be fair, Robert. Allison Onita is hardly a beacon of integrity.”

 

“I’ll not have you besmirching the name of that woman! I demand satisfaction!”

 

“Sadly, you’re in no position to get it.”

 

Flesher looks down at Jet and shoos her away. Hardcastle, knowing that he has to be more careful than usual, watches her like a hawk as Flesher walks over and slowly scales the turnbuckles. Hardcastle watches Jet, who starts to climb onto the apron as Flesher gets to the top rope.

 

“What the hell is she doing?!” Riley fumes. “She’s going to throw him off the top rope!”

 

“Well, Spike will be penalized fairly with a disqualification loss,” says Comet.

 

“But he’ll keep the title!” whines Riley.

 

“Que sera sera.”

 

As Jet leans over, though, Allison snags her ankle and yanks her off the apron! Flesher looks down and grins as Jet’s face hits the ring apron, and Spike slowly begins to get to his feet. Allison pulls Jet down onto the concrete and blocks her off, making sure she won’t be able to interfere, as Flesher grabs Jenkins’ long hair and pulls him to the corner! Flesher plants his knee in the back of Spike’s head, and even as the Cruiserweight Champ struggles to get free, the challenger is able to leap off the top rope and fall forward! He drives his knee forward, slamming the Rev-Zero member face-first into the canvas!

 

“Ego Trip!” shrieks Riley. “And Jet’s not here to save him!”

 

Flesher rolls Spike to his back and covers him, making sure to hook the leg to keep it off the ropes. Allison, meanwhile, keeps her vigil on Jet as Hardcastle drops in for the count!

 

ONE!!!

 

 

TWO!!!!!

 

 

 

THREE!!!!!!!

 

 

DING DING DING!!!!

 

 

Flesher leaps off the canvas, pumping his fists. Allison slides into the ring, leaping into Tom’s arms and embracing him as Funyon makes the announcement.

 

“Your winner,” he says, over the thundering boos, “and NEW Cruiserweight Champion… ‘The Superior One,’ TOM FLESHER!!!!”

 

Allison raises Flesher’s left arm. Hardcastle brings the Cruiserweight Title over to Flesher and tries to raise his right arm, but Flesher shakes him off and snatches the belt. As Jenkins rolls out of the ring, still stunned from the Ego Trip, Flesher looks down with a smirk at the Cruiserweight Title belt. He turns around and, dragging the belt behind him, ducks out between the ropes. Allison follows right behind.

 

“What a way to start the show!” says Riley, as Flesher drags the belt up the ramp. “Tom Flesher wins the Cruiserweight Championship, AND Spike Jenkins gets flattened! Man, it can only go downhill from here.”

 

Comet coughs. “Do NOT change the channel, though,” he chides. “Two very exciting athletes will step into the ring, coming up next!”

 

“Pfft… noobs,” scoffs Riley. “Don’t get your hopes up.”

 

“Sometimes I wonder about you, Robert,” says Comet, as the show fades to commercial.

[the.weej 0]

“Uh-huh.” Michael Anderson is speaking into a cellular phone with an unseen party as he limps back towards Birdman’s dressing room:

 

“Uh-huh… Uh-huh… Good… Are you ready for me to bring him in? … When? … On Storm? Why not at Ground Zero? … Oh, okay… And you think he’ll say yes? … Ha-ha, yeah, I should have known better than to ask you that… Yeah… Yeah… Yeah, I’ll tell him; thanks for keeping me informed… So I’ll see you next week, then? … Uh-huh… Alright. We’ll be ready. Bye.”

 

Upon completion of his distended phone conversation, Anderson flips his phone closed and slips it into his jacket pocket. As he proceeds down the hallway, he becomes vaguely aware that he is on the receiving end of several icy stares from some of the wrestlers milling about in the hallway. Smiling to himself, Anderson continues on his course, until…

 

“Urk!”

 

Anderson suddenly finds a massive hand wrapped around his throat, and he is turned around to find himself staring into the burning eyes of the World Heavyweight Champion!

 

“I’m only going to say this once,” Janus rumbles. “I don’t know who you and your little feathered friend are here for, but if you’re even considering going after me, I suggest you think about it.” With that, he lifts Anderson over a foot off the ground and holds him up against the wall at eye level “Think about it real hard,” he growls, tightening his grip on Anderson’s throat. “Get me?”

 

The agent nods in compliance, and the Hell Machine releases him, watching him drop to the floor. “Just stay out of my way!”

 

Anderson retrieves his cane and pulls himself to his feet as Janus storms off. He straightens out his suit and watches the champion’s retreating form. “Well,” he thinks to himself, “I guess bad news travels fast.”

[the.weej 0]

A slow Gospel music begins pumping through the speakers at the Cumberland County Civic Center. The crowd begins to chant as a dim blue light emanates from the entrance ramp. As the music begins to build in crescendo a tall man with long, silver hair emerges from under the Titantron. All dressed in black his armbands clearly show emblems of his faith leaving no doubt as to his identity. The Paladian approaches the ring.

Soon the Paladian is in the center of the ring. As the audience looks on he begins to slowly adjust his hair. He appears to be attempting to braid a portion while awaiting the arrival of his opponent. Oddly enough his eyes—which appeared as blue during his entrance to the ring, are now pitch black.

 

Riley: Well the Paladian is ready

Comet: Citizen Silver will surely test this Candace tonight

Riley: Do you know why he does that with his hair?

Comet: No. I realize many wrestlers have certain ceremonies they do before each match. It’s kind of like a baseball player not shaving during the play offs. Perhaps The Paladian braids his hair as a ritual of some sort

Riley: I also noticed when he was heading towards the ring his eyes looked blue, but now he’s there and their clearly black…

Comet: I noticed that two, maybe it was just the lighting from the entrance ramp reflecting off his eyes, like red eye, only blue eye…

 

The Paladian takes the mike and walks to the center of the ring as his music fades

 

The Paladian: Ms. Candace. You are a very attractive woman. I do not deny this. But while these people can clearly see your beauty. I can see your evil. You are a sinner Ms.Candace. You are a product of the decadence that befalls the world today.

To those who are diseased of either the mind or the soul, within those torn by injustice and faithlessness, I stand. For I am faith, for I’m the light which of justice and death to those who oppose me”

 

Comet: Did I here that right? Did he just say he was going to be death to Candace tonight?

Riley: I don’t know he said he was going to kill her, but he clearly called her a sinner

 

The lights dim as David Bowies “China Girl” blares over the arena. A low booing begins as Frisco walks from under the titantron. He is wearing his usual black Pierre Cardon suit and as he looks over the crowd he flashes a snarl at the audience. As the crowd reacts Candace makes her way out of the entranceway followed closely by the giant Lobo.

Candace looks stunning in her black playboy bunny tank top and ridiculously short black leather miniskirt. This time she is not wearing her fashion stiletto heels, but is heading to the ring barefoot for her match. Lobo is once again fashion challenged in a corduroy suit jacket and sweat pants. His massive baldhead once again a mask on confusion with his jaw wide open and a clear look of confusion on his face.

Showing no fear whatsoever Candace gracefully slides under the bottom rope and confronts the Paladian.

 

Riley: I don’t know about this, that’s a heck of a difference in size between these two

Comet: I know, The Paladian outweighs her by well over 100 pounds and he’s about a good foot taller than her

Riley: So much for going eye to eye with your opponent

 

The Paladian starts to speak to Candace as he goes to her corner. He appears to lecturing her on her evil ways. For her part Candace just flashes her smile which is enough to get a mild round of applause from the audience.

 

Riley: What’s kind of unusual in this match is these are both classic villains. The Paladian definitely come off to me as a bible thumper, lecturing people on their sins. I mean where does he get off telling people their all sinners and only he has faith?

Comet: I agree, but Candace is far from an angel. The last time she was here she was talking about how she was going to make the Paladian suffer and beg for mercy

Riley: Well it will be interesting to see her back those words up

 

The ring bell chimes as the match gets underway. Almost immediately Frisco is screaming at the referee from outside the ring

 

Frisco (from outside ring): Hey ref! C’mon check him! He had something in his hand!

 

As the Paladian turns his attention momentarily towards the screaming Frisco Candace fires a missile drop kick hard into his left hamstring. This immediately knocks the Paladian to his knee as Candace fires several hard kicks directly at the compromised limb.

 

Riley: well it’s definitely a good strategy to go after the paladian leg. If she can injure that part of the body it will really hinder his mobility in the match.

Comet: It’s probably her best bet because there’s no way she can match strength with this guy.

 

As the Paladian attempts to raise to his feet Candace fires a perfectly aimed Buzzsaw kick to his right temple, knocking him to the mat. She quickly grabs his injured leg and slaps on a punishing single leg Boston crab.

 

Comet: Well it sure looks like Candace is planning on working that leg tonight

Riley: The Paladian will be limping tomorrow

 

Frisco walks around the ring yelling encouragement to Candace. Lobo stands outside the ring like a statue.

 

Comet: I think someone should go wake up Lobo

Riley: I don’t know, but if I was The Paladian I’d be very aware that he was standing outside the ring. The guys huge.

 

After struggling for a while the Paladian is able to roll to his back where he is able to kick the lightweight Candace off, breaking the Boston crab. He quickly tries to scurry back to his feet buy is once again met with a devastating missile drop kick. This one hitting him squarely on the jaw and knocking him again to the ground. Candace hurries to the turnbuckle.

 

Comet: This could be dangerous

Riley: I agree, it’s a bit early in the match for a high risk move

 

Candace quickly goes for a Swanton Bomb but the Paladian quickly puts up his knees catching Candace directly in the stomach. She doubles over in pain.

 

Riley: I think she jumped the gun on that move

 

The Paladian quickly grabs the long black hair of Candace and pulls her to her feet. He grabs her leg and gives her a devastating fisherman’s suplex, hooking the leg and holding her in a pinning position.

 

1

 

2

 

Candace kicks out.

 

Comet: That was a close one

Riley: I thought it was all over

 

As Candace attempts to get to her feet the Paladian fires a nasty clothesline that sends her sprawling to the ring corner. He quickly rolls her onto her stomach for the Camel clutch.

 

Riley: She may tap here

 

While the referee continues to ask Candace if she wants to quit, she stretches her hand to the rope and forces the break. The Paladian steps back and as Candace attempts to get to her feet her goes for a running bulldog. Candace senses the move coming and drops to her stomach making The Paladian miss the move completely and run straight into the turnbuckle. As he stumbles back Candace goes for a quick roll up.

 

1

 

2

 

The Paladian kicks out.

 

The Paladian goes for a spinning kick but Candace catches his leg and gives him an enzuigiri, which knocks him to the mat. As he rises he is once again met with a missile drop kick to the jaw.

 

Comet: This girl is feisty that’s for sure

Riley: I know the Paladian is going to be very upset about those drop kicks.

 

As the Paladian once again tries to get to his feet Candice attempts to set his up for the Diamond cutter, however the Paladian pushes her away before she can pull the move off. He springs to his feet and grabs Candace by the back of the neck and rifles her to the ropes, as she comes back he greets with with a clothesline that knocks her off her feet.

The crowd, sensing the tide is turning, begins to applaud the Paladian—who falls to a knee in some sort of religious gesture.

The Paladian steps behind Candace and slaps her into a Triangle chokehold. He digs the move in choking the life out of heras he uses his size and weight advantage to full effect.

After wearing her down quite a bit he fires a missile drop kick of his own to the back of Candice’s head; much to the objection of Frisco who continues to harass the referee.

 

Riley: This is what Candace will not be able to deal with. She can’t match power with this guy. Unless she can turn things around in a hurry this one is over

Comet: I agree. She has great speed and moves but this guy is a 6 footer with 240 pounds so she better not let him work her over

 

The Paladian again grabs Candace by the hair and pulls her up, this time he gets a warning from the referee, which he totally ignores. He grabs Candace by the waste and gives her a vicious series of German Suplexes. After the third suplex he gives a non-challant cover, not bothering to properly hook the leg

 

1

 

2

 

Candace bridges out of the pin.

 

Comet: That was close

Riley: 2 and ¾

 

A frustrated look fills the face of the paladian as he again goes behind Candace, this time putting her in the Cobra Clutch. He forces her into the center of the ring to avoid another rope break by Candace.

 

Riley: I can’t say I see her powering her way out of this

Comet: It was a valiant effort, but I feel the end is near for citizen Candace

 

A wild look comes over the Paladians face as he digs the hold in. The referee continues to ask Candace if she wants to submit as Frisco jumps to the rip apron screaming for the ref to break the hold.

 

Frisco: It’s a choke ref!

 

As the referee is momentarily distracted Candace gives a well-aimed back kick to the Paladians groin. This immediately breaks the hold and drops both combatants to the mat.

 

Riley: Well that’s one way to break it

 

Candace quickly rolls out of the ring and begins to walk around in an effort to regroup after the vicious assault by the Paladian. The Paladian begins to follow her, but realizing that Lobo is standing there thinks twice about it. Candace huddles with Frisco and Lobo as the referee begins the count.

 

Comet: Candace has until a count of 10 to get back in the ring, otherwise she’ll be counted out and The Paladian will be awarded the match

Riley: Well thank you Captain Obvious

 

At a count of 9 Candace quickly rolls into the ring. The Paladian immediately pounces of her to slap her in a side headlock, but before it is applied Candace turns it into a quick Russian Leg sweep. She follows it up with another punishing kick to the Paladians well worked leg.

 

Comet: I’ll tell you Robert those shots are all targeted directly at the Paladians left leg, in particular his knee

Riley: I know, she is really working on his knee ligaments. She’s kicked, stretch and attacked that particular knee at every chance she’s had tonight

Comet: It really doesn’t matter how big you are, that will cause problems for you

 

As the Paladian is struggling to get to his feet Candace fires a missile drop kick to the top of his head, he falls back hard to the mat.

 

Riley: Geez this girl is brutal

Comet: You won’t have to tell the Paladian about that

 

As the Paladian rolls on his back Candace quickly does a lionsault on him. She quickly gets off but shoots a quick kick directly into his groin, which brings an immediate warning and verbal blasting by the referee. A sinister smile covers Candace face as Frisco cheers her on.

 

Riley: She really went down town on that move

 

Candace quickly ascends the turnbuckle and prepares for her patented Swanton Bomb. The Paladian is lying in the center of the ring while attempting to recover from the cheap shot to the groin. As Candace stands on the top turn buckle she smiles at the crowd, arms raised high in the air and doing the Samoan “I love you” Symbol with her hands.

 

Comet: That is just disrespectful if you ask me

Riley: Well no one did, but if she hits this move this one is over

 

Candace quickly does a Swanton bomb with lands perfectly on the Paladian, He convulses violently at the impact

 

 

Comet: Oh my

 

Candace quickly hooks the leg and goes for the cover

 

1

 

2

 

The Paladian miraculously kicks out. Candace face shows incredible shock as he jaw drops lower than Lobos. Frisco is screaming at the referee for a slow count

 

Comet: My God that was close

 

Candace quickly regroups and rolls the Paladian onto his stomach. She applies a devastating Camel clutch as she desperately tries for the submission. The paladian’s face is a mask of pain as Candace digs in with all her strength.

 

Riley: The Paladian is definitely in a compromised position, but I’m not sure that Candace will have the power to make him tap

Comet: If it was another girl she might have a shot, but this guy is 250 pounds

 

After struggling for a while the referee moves closer to ask The Paladian if he wants to give. After a long while the Paladian works his way to his knees. As Candace fights to hold him down the Paladian forces his way up to his feet. He drives Candace back hard against the turnbuckle as the crowd reacts loudly to the change in action.

 

Comet: That will slow her down!

 

The Paladian gestures up towards the sky as if looking support from above, and then unloads with a series of punishing shots to Candace. He fires a hard kick to her stomach and gives her a powerful whip to the ropes; as she bounces off them he greats her with a fierce power clothesline.

 

Riley: That will take the spunk out of her!

Comet: I think the end is coming

 

Frisco leaps to the ring apron screaming at the referee to take control of the match. The Paladian runs over and clocks Frisco with a savage forearm shiver, which knocks him right off the ring apron, and onto the floor. As Candace lies flat on her back in the center of the ring the Paladian falls to his knee and reaches once more towards the sky as if he is talking to his god.

 

Riley: The Paladian needs to stop praying so much and finish this

Comet: You might be right, but I don’t think it will matter at this stage

 

The Paladian gets back to his feet and goes to the fallen Candace. He grabs her by the hair and pulls her up. A look of horror fills her eyes as she realizes she is unable to mount any defense at this stage. The Paladian grabs her black leather skirt and rips it. The crowd erupts with applause as Candace’s’ skimpy white thong is revealed. She tries to cover herself as her fear quickly turns to embarrassment.

 

Riley: What the hell…

 

The Paladian forces Candace over his knee and spanks her like a petulant child. The crowd erupts with cheers while Frisco finally gets back to his feet

 

The Paladian: Sinner repent!

 

Comet: It looks like the Paladian is taking her to the wood shed

 

The Paladian once again grabs Candace by the hair and brings her up. He again whips her to the ropes, this time she turns and grabs the top rope so as not to bounce back into another clothesline. The Paladian quickly charges at her with a spear.

At the last second Candace drops to the mat, forcing down the top rope. The Paladian over shoots Candace and ends up flying over the top rope and landing hard on the arena floor.

 

Riley: He hit that hard

 

Candace regains her composure and runs to the referee screaming in Japanese. The referee looks totally lost, as he has no idea what she is saying, but quickly realizes it has something to do with her leather skirt. He looks around the ring in an attempt to find it.

Frisco also leaps to the ring apron yelling for the referee to get his wrestlers skirt.

As the referee searches for the skirt the Paladian starts to get back to his feet. He is suddenly met with a thunderous chop by Lobo who was motionless all match, but suddenly has strung into action. He grabs the Paladian and sends him hard to the metal ring post.

 

Comet: Lobo is attacking The Paladian!

Riley: Damn she’s just distracting the ref so Lobo can get some shots in

 

As the referee finally finds the skirt and assists Candace is putting it back on Lobo shoves the Paladian back into the ring. The Paladian, now very dazed from Lobos vicious assault, makes a frail effort to get back to his feet. Candace runs over and plants him with a hellacious diamond cutter. As the Paladian bounces off the mat she quickly raps him up for the pin

 

1

 

2

 

 

3 The Winner by Pin fall Candace!

Candace leaps to her feet as Frisco and Lobo charge into the ring. As Frisco passes the fallen Paladian he gives him a quick kick to the ribs. He embraces the euphoric Candace who is celebrating her win.

 

Riley: Very disappointing, that was high way robbery

Comet: I kind of suspected Lobo would somehow get involved in this

[the.weej 0]

Comet: Coming up next, a match between two young and rising stars for a chance at title glory, as "The Corona" Vladimir Everheart takes on "The Icon" Max King in a tables match for a chance at the USJL Championship!

 

Riley: And it's about time that King got a shot at a title without having to depend on someone else OR fighting in a match that isn't one on one. I'm glad that justice is finally being served!

 

Comet: King isn't the only one with a chance, Riley. Everheart was impressive in his SWF Debut against Dace Night, coming so close to victory. Perhaps tonight is the exact time to show exactly what he has in the ring!

 

The opening chords of "Bitch" cues up in the arena, as the shadowy silhouette of Kelly Connelly is shown in the entryway. The spotlights shine on the top, where the leggy redhead is standing wearing her skirted business suit, walking to the ring with a purposeful stride.

 

Funyon: The following contest is a tables match, and it is for a shot at the SWF United States Junior League Championship! Introducing first the manager...the self-proclaimed Future Owner of the SWF...KELLY...CONNELLY!

 

Riley: What's this self-proclaimed crap that Funyon is spouting? She WILL become the next owner of the SWF! She's one of the few women in this company that makes me question my own sexuality!

 

Comet: And that was just way too much information for me, Riley. Kelly has a long way to go before she can get the goal...and I personally think that if she focused more on her man's matches he'd have a title or title shot by now.

 

Riley: And no one really cares what you think, as Kelly has the microphone now.

 

Kelly holds DA STICK up to her mouth, about to begin her spiel, until she hears a faint chant from the crowd, which builds up steam

 

"SLUT! SLUT! SLUT! SLUT!"

 

Kelly glares daggers out to the capacity crowd. "I wouldn't be talking if I were you people. Whereas I have tons of money as the inside of my mattress, you people are lucky if you can find enough money after buying wrestling tickets to use on gasoline!"

 

The boos only intensify when Kelly makes this statements. The redheaded manager just smirks. "Now that you've all been put in your place...it is my distinct honor and privilege as the future owner of this company to introduce you to greatness personified...the man that will bring at least one title in this company to the greatness that it so richly deserves...YOUR next SWF USJL Champion..."THE ICON"...MAX...KING!"

 

*BOOM!*

 

The explosion of pyro dissipates and reveals Max King standing there, held up high and with huge smile on his face as "Superstar" starts to play over the speakers. Kelly is all smiles, and is applauding King as he makes his way to the ring.

 

Comet: Max King one of the most egomaniacal new talents to enter the SWF in a long time. He believes he is much better than he is, and that he deserves to be in the top spots of this company.

 

Riley: And that's what makes him so attractive and so great! I'm predicting it right now Comet, King is going to win this tables match and go on to get revenge on Mason for STEALING his title shot!

 

Comet: That may just happen...but first he's going to have to go through a very intense and tough individual...

 

Kelly holds the ropes open for King, still smiling widely as he enters the ring. King, ignoring the negative reaction towards him, gets into the ring as if he was the most popular man in the arena, and Kelly approaches him from behind, wrapping his arms on him from behind and rubbing his chest with her hands.

 

Riley: I am SO jealous of Kelly right now. That lucky woman...

 

Comet: King and Kelly enjoying their own personal moment right now, but that moment is about to end very drastically.

 

The lights in the arena suddenly change to a pulsating strobe-light effect, causing the arena to start to get a very gloomy, dark, almost gothic like feel to it. A few seconds later, "Mourning Place" starts to play over the arena speakers. The shape of a certain man is seen on the entryway, and the crowd's reaction does a complete 180 to who is coming out.

 

Funyon: And his opponent, from Svalbard, Norway, weighing in at 245 pounds..."The Corona" VLADIMIR...EVERHEART!

 

"The Corona" starts his journey to the ring, the fans getting a special moment as he slaps palms with them, soon afterwards leaping onto the ring apron, then vaulting over the top rope and making his way to the center.

 

Comet: Everheart looks ready to go here, as he's illuminated in the middle of the ring by the spotlights. Could that be symbolism, in that he's ready for the spotlight to be shone down on him in this match?

 

Riley: Don't get your hopes up about that, Comet! Everheart may be a tough competitor, but he might be a little too over-confident about his skills. Though it's hard to tell, since he's hiding his hideous face under that mask.

 

Comet: There you go, assuming about masked people. Vlad now standing up, and we're ready to start this tables match!

 

*DING, DING!*

 

Vlad and King circle each other a bit after the bell starts...King seemingly kind of freaked out by the style of Everheart for the moment. Vlad moves to get into the ring, but his ankle is grabbed by Kelly on the outside, allowing him to be distracted long enough for King to get a cheap shot in from behind, as he starts to work over the neck of Vlad.

 

Comet: King showing he has no sense of fair play, and now he's resorting to just slugging away at the masked face of Everheart at the start of the match!

 

Riley: And what's wrong with that? It's not like he will be getting disqualified for doing something like that, right? So he might as well do whatever it takes to win!

 

King grabs the arm of Everheart after hitting him with some well-placed shots, and whips him into the ropes. He bounces off the other rope, attempting a clothesline as he comes off the ropes...however Vlad ducks the clothesline attempt and dropkicks King in the back of the head, causing him to bounce off the ropes chest first. When King gets close enough, Everheart grabs him from behind, and drops him with an Atomic Drop, causing the self-professed "Icon" to fall to the mat in pain. King goes to get back to his feet, and Everheart drops a knee right to the side of King. Vlad goes to do it again, but this time King rolls out of the way, causing Vlad's knee to crash down onto the mat. King doesn't waste any time, lifting "The Corona" off the mat and drops him sternum first onto his knee. King grabs the leg of Vlad now, ready to twist Vlad's leg towards his body. Vlad manages to fight out of the hold, however, and kicks King right into the jaw, causing him to let go of the hold, and fall back on the mat again. Both men stand back up, staring at each other now.

 

Comet: Despite King's cheating at the start, Vlad and King seem to be evenly matched in the early goings here!

 

Riley: Give it time, Comet. I'm sure that King is just waiting for the right moment to strike with everything that he has and take down this upstart!

 

King slips out of the ring as Everheart tries to rush him, going to Kelly as he begins to talk. The two of them are close enough to a camera so it's heard what he's saying.

 

"That guy has something in his mask protecting blows to the head! I'm sure of it!" King explains to Kelly.

 

"Don’t worry Max...I'm sure that the referee will check it soon enough!" Kelly notes. "Either that, or I'll fire him when I'm the boss."

 

Vlad goes over protest with the referee about King spending so much time out of the ring like he is, and the referee just holds up his hands, since the match is no disqualifications. Vladimir goes onto the ring apron, and apparently this was the moment that King was waiting for, as he climbs up onto the ring apron and drops him down onto the arena floor!

 

Riley: Look at that! Great thinking by King there, bringing in Everheart to a false sense of security right there, and Vlad's protected head just bounces off the arena floor like a basketball!

 

Comet: A desperate act by King right there if you ask me, luring in Vlad the way he did. But unfortunately for Everheart, it was effective, and that will probably take him out of his game for a few minutes at least!

 

King quickly reaches under the ring, and pulls out a table that was placed under the ring for this match, apparently wanting to end this match as quickly as possible. He hands it to Kelly, who goes to set it up on the arena floor, however when King turns around to get back on the attack he gets caught by Vlad's legs, and dropped down to the arena floor face first with a drop toe-hold. Everhart slowly gets up, still shaking out the cobwebs from his head hitting the arena floor, and once he's cleared up he grabs King, and lifts him up, suplexing him right towards the table. However, Kelly was still by the table, and managed to move it out of the way, though that still caused damage to her man, and King's writhing on the arena floor is proof of that.

 

Comet: Everheart seems to be sizing up King now as he climbs back on the ring apron, and I think he's planning something from the pages of the book of Mick Foley!

 

Riley: But look at this! Kelly laying down right on top of her man! She's willing to risk her own body so her man doesn't get hit! What devotion there by Kelly!

 

Vlad seems to be in a moment of indecision at Kelly's actions, and he comes down onto the arena floor now to try and get Kelly out of the way. That proves to be a mistake as, when he's close enough, Kelly swings one of her high-heel clad feet right between the legs of "The Corona"!

 

Kelly quickly rolls off her man as he goes to get back up to his feet, and rushes in to slam the back of Everheart's head right onto the arena floor, continuing to apparently work on the head of the masked man. King falls down on top of Everhart, and starts to repeatedly slam the head of Everheart onto the arena floor with a vindictive look on his face. After about 10, King walks over and grabs the table that Kelly set up on the outside, and grabs Everheart off of the floor into a reverse DDT position. However, before he can do anything with the move, Everheart flips his legs up, taking King down, yet away from the table, with a Hurricanrana. Instinctively, Vlad stays on for the cover, but the referee comes to the outside of the ring to remind him that this match is not ended by pinfalls.

 

Riley: Looks like mask boy took a few too many hits to the head there, attempting a pin in this tables match.

 

Comet: I'm just surprised that Everheart had enough wherewithal to realize that he was close to losing this match. He's a lot tougher that he looks, that's for sure.

 

Everheart gets off of King, stumbling a bit as the repeated slams of the head on the floor have taken some toll on him, but manages to seize the opportunity and drops King onto the floor now with a DDT! He lifts King back up off of the floor after the DDT, and points to the table, the crowd cheering at the prospect of the arrogant and brash King going through it. However, before Vlad can get too far, King manages to get back up, and German Suplexes Vlad onto the floor!

 

Comet: This match hasn't been in the ring for a good while now, and now both men have pretty much attempted to kill each other with moves on the arena floor! Yet both men are STILL trying to fight out!

 

Riley: Come on King, don't let this upstart defeat you! Think of the prestige and glory of winning a championship at a Pay Per View event! It could be yours very easily!

 

King, holding the back of his head, starts to get up...as does Vlad at about the same time. The two turn around to face each other, and start swinging fists at each other. Vlad's punches seem to connect just a bit harder than King's does, and a few good hits to the face sends The Icon onto the table, but not THROUGH it! King starts to roll off the table, but Vlad is right there to grab him as he does, and hits an amazing Belly to Back Suplex that drops him to the arena floor, before rolling King back onto the table once again! The crowd starts cheering even more, a loud "Vlad" chant rising up from the capacity crowd, as Everheart nods, seemingly having a plan in mind! He slides back into the ring, and starts to climb up to the top rope in the corner that is closest to the table that King is laying on, and after turning around, leaps off the ropes with a beautiful moonsault...

 

...hitting nothing but table as King BARELY moves out of the way!

 

"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!" the crowd chants, as Vlad holds his ribs in pain, landing squarely on them as he flew off the top rope. King uses the ring apron to climb back into the ring, apparently trying to get a moment or two to rest and recover as Vlad seems to be out cold.

 

Comet: I don't understand why King is wasting time in the ring here, when he could probably easily put Everheart through a table right now.

 

Riley: It's all about planning, Comet. King wants to make sure that mask-boy is completely out of it, and that he is able to get Everheart through a table without ANY chance of a reversal.

 

King pants a bit, wiping his brow after a while, before rolling back out of the ring and grabbing the man from Norway, rolling him back into the ring. King slides in shortly after, and of all things, applies a side headlock onto Everheart! King wrenches on the hold as hard as he can, even going as far as to pull Everheart over his side, stretching his body and putting a knee squarely into the damaged rib area of Everheart!

 

Comet: Now King is going for a punishment game, which would be a wise move in a regular wrestling match, but this is not a regular match.

 

Riley: Does it matter though? Listen to the screams of Everheart as King stretches him out like Silly Putty! It's music to my ears, Comet!

 

King eventually releases the hold, and grins widely as he lifts Everheart back off the mat. He makes a motion with his hands not used that often in the ring, save for Jerry "The King" Lawler...the motion of a Piledriver! With evil intentions on his face, King lifts Everheart up off the mat, into the position for a Piledriver...

 

...but gets caught by surprise when Everheart goes to back drop King out of the position. Everheart catches King's legs before he lands though...and from that position drops him right down on his head!

 

Comet: Amazing quick thinking by Everheart, as he drops Max King right on his head with what was almost one of Nova's old signature moves back in ECW! King is completely out of his game now, and the crowd is eating it up!

 

Riley: How DARE Everheart steal a move like that! That just goes to show how unworthy this guy is of holding SWF gold, as he can't even make up an original move!

 

Comet: Please, just HOW many wrestlers here have used moves that other wrestlers have used in the past?

 

Riley: ...I'll get back to you on that...

 

Everheart rolls out of the ring now, sensing victory is within his grasp, as he reaches under the ring apron to get another table, as the first one used in the match was already destroyed by Vlad's attempted moonsault. Sliding the table into the ring, Everheart makes a thumbs down motion in the general direction of King, telling the crowd that he's about to put "The Icon" away. Everheart slides back into the ring as King uses the ring ropes to pull himself up. Vlad grabs King and turns him around, grabbing him by the face, and getting ready to drop him with the dreaded Northern Lights Bomb! However, King manages to slip behind Vlad, and knees him right in the small of the back when he gets behind him, then nails him right into the face.

 

Riley: The Complex from out of nowhere! And now King showing the crowd his chiseled, god-like physique! Isn't it a work of art, Comet.

 

Comet: I won't comment on that, that's your department to notice such things....

 

While King poses, Vlad starts to get back up...not that quick, but King is unaware of him rising up like he is. When King turns around, however, he is caught by Val with an Exploder Suplex that just BARELY misses the table set up in the ring. Vlad doesn't let up the attack though, lifting King up once again, and points to the table. He knees King in the gut, and hooks him up, lifting him up high for the Fisherman's Buster, and dropping him down...onto the ring apron...as Kelly pulled the table out of the way once again!

 

Comet: This is a travesty of justice in the worst way! Everheart probably had this match won a bunch of times by now, and yet every time he's about to put King through the table, that red-headed villainess does something to stop it!

 

Riley: That's the advantages of having a manager at ringside, Comet! She's there to do whatever it takes for her man to win the match...like I said, she's one of the few women in wrestling that actually make me question my sexual...HEY!

 

Comet: Everheart has apparently had enough of Kelly's actions, as he slides out of the ring to get right into her face! Normally I wouldn't condone this, but this time I think Kelly deserves anything that Everheart would have planned for her!

 

Everheart starts to stalk Kelly on the outside of the ring, the scene almost resembling one of those cheesy horror movies that would have thousands of sequels to follow it up. Kelly tries to run away, but her heel breaks while she's running, causing her to fall down in a heap on the arena floor. Everheart grabs her by the hair now, and the crowd now ERUPTS in cheers as Kelly struggles. He pulls her down into a DDT position, seemingly with intentions of dropping her right onto the floor...but gets other ideas as he pulls up her skirt, and spanks her on the ass HARD!

 

Comet: And Everheart now giving Kelly exactly what her parents should have raising her! That should teach her to try to get involved in this match again!

 

Riley: This is not right! He has NO BUSINESS touching her like that! She should sue him for rape!

 

Comet: You're overreacting BIG time here, Riley. Everheart seems to be pleased, and now sliding back into the ring, turning his focus back onto King!

 

Everheart approaches King, who is still down in the middle of the ring, and once again motions to the crowd that the end is near for "The Icon". However, when he gets too close, King manages to grab the ankle of Vlad, pulling him down onto the mat, giving King the opportunity that he so needed to get back up to his feet. Vlad doesn't stay down for too long, rolling back to his feet after the trip, and rushes in to catch King with a knee to the face while King is bent over. King manages to catch the leg, quickly sliding behind Everheart, and lifts him up for the King Buster, but Everheart manages to slip out of it, falling with a Reverse DDT as he does!

 

Comet: An even match between these two incredible young talents here! Win or lose, both men are showing that they have what it takes to be future Mega Stars here!

 

Everheart gets back to his feet, and gets to the table once more, knowing that he is so close to getting a victory here. Pulling the table right near the prone Max King, he is thinking about what his next move will be. However, his back being towards King, he doesn't see as "The Icon" gets cold water dumped on his face by the posterior sore Kelly, who angrily is telling King to look out! Everheart turns, seeing King getting back up rather quickly despite the punishment that he's taken in the match, and seems to almost curse under the mask as he goes back over, getting caught in the stomach by a right hand by King. King whips Everheart into the corner now, the Norwegian's back hitting hard, and then Everheart's face getting nailed in the jaw by a hard elbow shot. King repeatedly rams the elbows into the face of Everheart, but "The Corona" manages to move King into the corner now, and starts hitting King with hard knife-edge chops to King's well-developed chest!

 

"WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!" the crowd exclaims, as tradition for the chops takes over. Everheart whips King out of the corner, only to whip him back into it once again, "The Icon" bouncing face first into Vlad's arms. Vlad locks King up, and drops him HARD to the mat with a well placed Tazzmission-Plex that seems to damn near KILL Max King!

 

Comet: Vladimir Everheart is just MOMENTS away from getting a shot at the USJL Championship! All he has to do is drop Max King right through that waiting table in the middle of the ring and it's all over!

 

Riley: But he's showing his stupidity, going to the ropes when he has King beat! If he weren't...oh no, not this!

 

Comet: Everheart apparently is going to use the Polar Spike on King, and drop King right through the table head-first! This is a dangerous risk, but apparently Everheart is willing to take it!

 

Everheart drags King to the corner where he can best drop "The Icon" through the table, lifting him up with him. The crowd is on their feet in anticipation, as Everheart climbs all the way to the top rope with the semi-unconscious King. When he puts King's head between his legs, the crowd's cheering gets even louder, as they know what to expect at any moment in this match!

 

Comet: Everheart savoring this moment...he is SO close to the title shot that he can almost taste it! He's going to lift...

 

*CRACK!*

 

The crowd's reaction goes into an angry "ooh", as Kelly is on the ring apron, holding a lead pipe in her hand, which she had just used moments ago to nail Everheart in the back of the head with!

 

Riley: YES! Go Kelly! That'll teach him for spanking you, the future boss of this company!

 

Comet: Everheart had this match won, and Kelly has apparently cost him that shot because her boy toy was about to lose! Now Everheart seems to be completely out cold...hard to tell with the mask on...

 

King, seeing Everheart's condition and his position, quickly pulls out of the situation that he was in. Grinning once again, he climbs all the way up with Everheart, holding him on the top rope as long as he can, and sets him up for a Suplex from the top rope.

 

Riley: Get ready for it Comet, because you're about to see the end of this match! King fighting hard, now setting up Everheart for the finish, and things are looking really bright for the future of "The Icon"...

 

Comet: King lifting Everheart up...and dropping him through the table with the Superb-Plex! This match is over!

 

*Ding Ding*

 

Funyon: Here is your winner, and the NEW Number One Contender for the SWF United States Junior League Championship..."THE ICON"...MAX...KING!

 

Comet: Funyon's announcement should be "'The Icon' Max King and Kelly Connelly". From the moment that this match started, Kelly made herself a problem for Everheart, and thanks to her Max King will go on to Ground Zero to face Mason for the Championship.

 

Riley: Hey, it's like the old saying goes Comet: Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat! King wins the match, and by the look on his and Kelly's face, that's all he cares about!

 

Kelly gets into the ring, hugging King happily as he wearily gets up, but with a smile on his face. Seeing the downed Vladimir Everheart, he gets an evil look on his face, going over and lifting him up, and dropping him in the middle of the ring once again, this time with the King Buster!

 

Comet: Now what call was there for that? The match was already over, and King hit Everheart for no reason with the King Buster!

 

Riley: He's leaving a message to the champion: Mason, you better be ready. Because this is the man that is going to defeat you for the title, the one and only Icon of the SWF, Max King!

 

King and Kelly walk down the entryway with their arms raised in victory, ignoring the trash being thrown at them and the loud negative chants that almost drown out the hard-rock riffs of "Superstar". At that moment, they couldn't really care what the fans though, they had the victory and the title shot. That's all that really mattered to them.

 

The camera shows the downed Everheart in the ring, seemingly out cold from the King Buster, before the camera fades out to a commercial break.

[the.weej 0]

SWF Smarkdown returns from another info-taining commercial break and the multitude of cameras pan around the Cumberland County Civic Center in order to display some of the classier signs audience members painstakingly constructed… However, due to the fact that one of the SWF’s superstars talks about a penis of charisma, ‘classy’ is not the first word associated with the SWF, and there aren’t any decent signs, so the cameras finally stop on the visages of Cyclone Comet and Bobby Riley:

 

Comet begins speaking excitedly, “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Smarkdown! We’ve already had quite an evening tonight as Tom Flesher and Spike Jenkins battled for the cruiserweight title. Then we had that interesting match between newcomers ‘The Paladin’ Chance Silver and Candace. And just recently, a brutal tables match between ‘The Corona’ Vladimir Everheart and ‘The Icon’ Max King to determine the number one contender to Manson’s United States Junior League title.” Comet finally pauses and gasps for air.

 

“And we are here in probably my favorite place, the Cumberland Center! Cum... berland!” Riley says, giggling like a schoolgirl.

 

“Robert, you might want to keep that to yourself, especially with the FCC and everything,” pleads Comet, not wanting to get fined again. “We’ve got even more action still to come later on tonight, including Janus, the World Heavyweight Champion, in a non-title match against one of the men who will challenge him at Ground Zero, the Straight-Edge Sensation, Toxxic! But, coming up next, we’ve got a good match lined up right now as the number-one contenders to Forty Second Street’s tag titles, Andrea Montgomery and the Birdman, take on two-thirds of the Wayward Sons, Alan Clark and Edward James!” Comet beams, excited about the prospects of the coming match, just because he really likes faces.

 

Before Riley can make a snide remark, the guitar riffs of mega-group Kansas’ “Carry on Wayward Son” blasts over the speakers, nearly the entire audience, minus the heel section, and the creepy Goth section, singing along.

 

KABOOM!!

 

Two flares erupt from the sides of the entranceway, prompting the arrival of the Wayward Sons at the top of the ramp.

 

Funyon walks towards the center of the ring as he prepares to introduce the combatants. “The following tag team match is scheduled for one fall,” he says. “Introducing first, weighing in at five hundred and one pounds, Alan Clark and Edward James, the WAAAYWAAARD SOOOONS!!” The Wayward Sons walk down the ramp, occasionally greeting fans as the song continues to play. Eddy and Alan climb into the ring as four flares erupt from the ring posts, arcing over the ring. James and Clark converse with each other, getting some last minute strategy in before turning to face the entranceway.

 

“The Wayward Sons have been in a bit of a slump in recent weeks,” notes Comet, “but they can get back on track in a big way by scoring a victory over the number one contenders to the Tag Team Titles!” Comet pauses as “Carry On Wayward Son” fades out. “And here they come!”

 

 

 

LEEEET’S GET RETARDED… IN HEEEEEEEEERE!

 

 

“Let’s Get Retarded” by the Black Eyed Peas starts up and the Birdman and Andrea Montgomery step out from behind the curtain, dancing to the music.

 

“And their opponents,” Funyon screams into the microphone, “weighing in at three hundred and sixty-two pounds, they are the number one contenders for the SWF World Tag Team Championships, THE BIIIIIRDMAAAAN AND AAAANDRRRREAAAA MONTGOOOOMERRRY!!” Drea and Birdy walk down the ramp, high-fiving the fans, and finally leaping onto the ring apron and catapulting over the ring ropes. The two teams shake hands, showing there is no hatred present and that the match should be clean. After a moment of consultation, Clark and Drea exit the ring, leaving it to Birdman and James, and Kivell calls for the bell.

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

James lumbers towards Birdy, who dodges to the side and snaps a leg at Eddy, scoring a sharp kick to the big man’s knee. Eddy shakes the pain off and makes a grab for Birdman, who slips underneath and dropkicks Eddy in that same leg, sending him to one knee. Before James can get up, Birdman springs off the mat and nails him with a spin kick to the back of the head! Birdman runs towards the edge of the ring, slapping on a side headlock as he bounces off the ropes and attempts a bulldog, but James powers out easily, pushing Birdman across the ring towards the opposite set of ropes. Birdman slams into the ropes chest-first and stumbles backwards towards the center of the ring…

 

 

SMACK!

 

… Only to be greeted by a clubbing forearm to the back!

 

“Nice counter by Edward James,” remarks Comet. “It is interesting that the two veterans decided to send their rookie partners into the ring, don’t you think, Robert?”

 

“Well, it’s obvious that Andrea Montgomery and Alan Clark are cowards and don’t want to get involved in the match until their opponents are worn out,” answers Riley. “Typical of any leader, really.” Birdman staggers forward from the huge blow, giving James time to grasp him in a rear waistlock and lift him off the mat,

 

 

WHAM!

 

… Heaving Birdman overhead and planting him with a German suplex! Eddy rolls onto his knees and drives a double axe-handle into Birdman’s chest, causing what little air was left in Birdy’s lungs to rush out! James applies a lateral press and Kivell drops to count:

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

T...NO!

 

Birdman makes a kickout, so James pulls him up, whips him into the ropes, and then lifts his right leg up for a big boot, but Birdman manages to slow down just in time and dropkicks James in his left leg! Eddy goes to one knee again and Birdman runs back to the adjacent ropes…

 

CRACK!

 

 

… Catching Eddy with a running dropkick! With James on his back, Birdman hits a standing moonsault, staying down for the pin attempt.

 

ON...NO!

 

James kicks out WITH AUTHORITY, heaving Birdman off of him with little effort. Birdy, of course, lands on his feet, and waits for James to get to his before springing into action, hitting a flying forearm to Eddy’s chest… But the blow barely fazes James, so Birdman backs up and delivers another forearm smash. This time, he causes James to back up a few feet, giving Birdman even more room to run before leaping at Edward again, but James catches Birdman in mid-air, lifting him overhead and slamming him to the mat unceremoniously! Eddy J pulls Birdman up by his beak and whips him into the Wayward Sons’ corner. Edward rumbles in after him, but Birdman drops down to the mat, causing James to ram his shoulder into the turnbuckle. As Eddy staggers backwards out of the corner, Birdman takes advantage of his predicament, grabbing him by the waist and rolling him up for the pin:

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TW...NO!

 

James kicks out, sending Birdman flying backwards into the corner. Clark hops onto the middle rope, turns Birdman around and locks on a front facelock. Alan, with help from James, lifts Birdman up and over the top turnbuckle and jumps down, slamming Birdman’s face into the buckle!

 

“The Scenic Driver,” exclaims Comet. “The Wayward Sons just rearranged Birdman’s beak with that move! Quite shocking, too, since it looked like the match would be free from any double team moves.”

 

“Comet, get with the times,” replies Bobby. “Pretty much any tag team’s finishing move involves both partners to complete. Well, any legitimate tag team, that is; Andrea and Birdman are far from being legitimate.” Kivell gets in Clark’s face about getting involved in the match without tagging in first. James drops down to pin Birdman, but Kivell is still distracted in telling off Alan. After many long seconds of Kivell berating him, Clark, visibly angry, points out that James is pinning Birdman. Kivell spins around and drops to count:

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

T...NO!

 

Birdman kicks out from the Scenic Driver after the prolonged delay. This time it’s James’ turn to get angry, staring down Kivell and yelling at him for not counting earlier. Birdman tries to sneak towards his corner in the confusion, slowly scrambling to his feet and walking towards his corner to tag Andrea in. Clark sees this and shouts to James to get focused in the match. Edward turns around and rushes towards Birdman, who hears the pounding of Edward’s feet on the mat and quickly spins around, taking a short hop into the air as he takes James down with a dropkick to the knees! Birdman scrambles back up and tags Andrea in, who effortlessly leaps onto the top turnbuckle and flies off,

 

 

SPLASH!

 

… Rotating in air before landing with a 630º senton, staying down for the pin:

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

T...NO!

 

Kivell notices at the last second that James has his foot on the bottom rope, effectively stopping the count. Andrea, visibly straining with the effort, pulls Eddy to his feet and whips him into the ropes. Drea leaps off the mat as James rebounds off the ropes and whips her legs through the air sharply…

 

 

CRACK!

 

 

… Blasting Eddy J in the face with jumping heel kick! Andrea presses the attack, lands a kick to his stomach as he staggers backwards, and slips on a front facelock before falling to the mat and taking the Wayward Son down with a DDT! Sensing that he’s not ready to be pinned, Andrea gets to her feet, a slightly dazed Edward James not far behind. Andrea goes for another whip attempt, which James reverses, but Drea reacts too quickly for him, making him eat a dropkick to the face! He staggers back, but still manages to grab Andrea by the waist as she gets to her feet. Before James has a chance to hit the German suplex he was looking for, though, Drea jumps up and thrusts both her feet backwards, driving them both into Edward’s knee! James howls in pain as he releases his grip on Drea, and she wriggles free, spinning around and springing into the air as she dropkicks Eddy in the chin! Ed stumbles backwards, leaning against the ropes for support, and pulls himself to his corner, tagging in Clark to a huge pop from the crowd.

 

“And Clark is in the ring against Montgomery,” says Comet. “I’d have to think that Edward James might not be much use in this match after all of those attacks focused on his legs. It’s a good plan, too. Take the legs out of the big man, leaving the smaller Clark, who’s actually still bigger than either Birdman or Andrea, all by himself. Great strategery.”

 

“Strategery?” Riley looks at Comet before shaking his head in exasperation. “Anyway, I will agree with you about Andrea and Birdman’s plan. Isolating Clark is probably the only chance they have, since the Wayward Sons could probably dismantle these two very quickly.” Bobby pauses before continuing. “After all, Edward James could throw the both of them about twenty rows into the crowd. But now, he’s about as mobile as a calf that’s got a one-way ticket to Veal Land.” Andrea charges at Clark, leaping into the air to attempt a headscissor takedown, but Clark grabs Drea around the waist…

 

WHAM!

 

 

… Successfully reversing the headscissor attempt into a tilt-a-whirl Railbreaker! Clark pulls Andrea up and whips her to the ropes. As she’s bouncing back, Alan lifts his leg up, but Drea leaps up and scissors his outstretched leg, wrenching it to the side, and dragging Clark to the mat in the process!

 

 

“Beautiful leg-scissor takedown,” beams Comet. “Tremendous counter!” Andrea rubs her back before she somersaults over to her corner and tags in Birdman. The Bird leaps onto the top rope and flies off at Clark just as he’s getting up…

 

SMACK!

 

 

… Twisting his body in mid-air as he drills him with a back elbow smash! Birdman pulls Alan to his feet and grabs him by the wrist, whipping him towards the ropes. Off the rebound, Clark ducks underneath a leapfrog attempt and spins around as Birdman hits the ground running. Birdy hits the ropes and leaps, extending his body to deliver a cross-body block. It almost takes Clark down, but his freshness and strength keep him standing. Clark spins around on his heel and drops to one knee…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… Compacting Birdman’s ribs with a twisting Railbreaker!

 

“Alan Clark just countered that flying cross body block with a Railbreaker,” Comet says in awe. “You know, I would have thought that only men the size of Janus, Sean Davis and Edward James would be able to do that, especially on someone Birdman’s size!”

 

“That just goes to show you, Comet,” Riley replies smugly.

 

“Show me what,” Comet inquires. “That Clark is strong?”

 

“No,” guffaws Riley. “That Birdman sucks! I mean, how bad is it when you can’t take someone down who only weighs, like, six pounds more than you?” Clark hooks Birdman’s near leg and makes a lateral press:

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TW...NO!

 

Birdman kicks out with apparent ease. The leader of the Wayward Sons pulls Birdman to his feet, and draws his arm back before unleashing a vicious knife-edge chop. The fans being sheep, know what to do:

 

 

SMACK! WHOO!

SMACK! WHOO!

SMACK! WHOO!

SMACK! WHOO!

 

With Birdman dazed and confused, Clark puts one arm around Birdman’s waist while placing his head under Birdman’s arm and lifts, slamming Birdy into the mat with a northern lights suplex!

 

“A flurry of knife-edge chops followed up with the Northern Sunset by Clark. I wonder if he’ll go for a pin now.”

 

“Well, if he had some semblance of a working nervous system, and had thoughts in his head, he would,” answers Riley in mock seriousness. “But sadly, many kinds of mushrooms are smarter than Alan Clark.” Clark does not, in fact, go for the pin, but instead scrambles up to the top rope and jumps off, flipping 540º and jackknifing his arms and legs to deliver his patented frog splash…

 

 

CRASH!

 

… But Birdman pulls his knees up, and instead of soft chest and stomach, Alan lands on painful patella!

 

“I told you he was dumb!” laughs Riley. “Instead of Birdman eating that Desert Twister Splash, Alan Clark just had a tasty dish of knees.” Clark rolls off, holding his stomach in pain. Birdman rolls onto his knees and begins crawling towards Andrea as Clark rolls to his own corner looking to tag in James, who’s trying to get some mobility back in his leg. Birdman reaches out and tags Andrea in, moments before Clark stretches and tags in Edward James. Andrea stops dead in her tracks as the big man enters the ring. James swipes at Andrea with his left hand, and she quickly steps to the side to avoid it...

 

CRACK!

 

… But she didn’t see that elbow coming! Drea goes down to one knee, reaching up with her hand to discover a small trickle of blood flowing from her nose. James wraps his hands around Andrea’s head, lifts her up, and smacks her in the face with a massive headbutt! Eddy releases her, allowing Drea to collapse to the mat and he drops down to make a pin attempt:

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

TH...NO!

 

Andrea barely manages to get a shoulder up. James lifts the cruiserweight to her feet and whips her into the ropes. Despite her grogginess, Andrea manages to duck a clothesline attempt, spin around and dropkick James in the back of the knee. Eddy bellows in pain as he stumbles forward, but he quickly pulls himself up, turns and is greeted with a flying Montgomery, kicking him in the chest!

 

“Andrea caught James unaware with that Grind Session, nailing him with a spin kick,” informs Comet.

 

“I find it kind of odd that Edward James is even in the ring,” Bobby wonders aloud. “Does Alan Clark care about his stablemate and tag partner? I mean, James might be seriously damaging his leg with each step. You know, that just proves my point that Alan Clark is dumber than a sack of hammers!” James remains standing after the kick, so Andrea delivers a heel kick to the back of Edward’s knee. Eddy drops down, but pushes himself back up, and ensnares Andrea with a front waistlock. James lifts Andrea off her feet, causing her try desperately to escape his grasp, kicking furiously at his injured knee in attempt to get out of the hold, but Eddy grimaces, gritting his teeth through the pain, and keeps his arms locked around Drea as he heaves her overhead…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… And drives her into the mat with a fierce belly-to-belly suplex! James doesn’t attempt to pin Andrea, but rather remains lying on his stomach as he looks up, and starts to pull himself towards Clark. Alan starts pounding on the turnbuckle, trying to get the fans to support James, but only half do as the other half turn their attention to Birdman, who’s pounding on the turnbuckle for Andrea.

 

“Quite a situation we’ve got, Bobby,” explains Comet. “James drove all of his weight down on Andrea Montgomery with that belly-to-belly suplex, but Andrea was kicking at Edward’s injured knee the entire time. I do not think that Edward James will be much of a factor in this match any more.”

 

“And now we have a stalemate,” adds Riley. “Will James tag in Clark first, or will Andrea reach the Birdman? Film at eleven!”

 

Comet rolls his eyes beneath his mask. “Bobby, you’re not a news anchor. We’ll find out now, not at eleven.” Thanks to his length, James is able to reach his partner to make the tag, and Clark runs into the ring, stopping Drea before she can make it to her corner with a running legdrop! James rolls out onto the floor to try and recover as Clark pulls Andrea to her feet and backs her into a neutral corner, delivering another knife-edge chop before grabbing her by the wrist and whipping her across the ring, but Drea spins sharply on her heel, sending Alan into the corner instead! She charges into the corner after him…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… But Clark lifts his leg up at the last second, smashing a boot into her face! Drea collapses on the mat as Alan turns to face the corner.

 

“Alan Clark looks like he’s going back to the top rope,” notes Comet, “but I don’t know if this is a good idea!”

 

“Why wouldn’t it be good idea,” asks Riley. “After the beating she’s taken, one big move by Clark could end this match now! This is probably the smartest thing that Clark’s done all night!” Alan steadies himself on the top turnbuckle before leaping off, twisting around in midair to deliver his patented Phoenix Splash!

 

 

CRASH!

 

 

… But, instead of crashing into the soft, warm body of Andrea Montgomery, Clark only finds the stiff canvas and unforgiving plywood as she rolls out of the way!

 

“He missed,” gasps Comet. “Alan Clark tried to end this match with the Wayward Splash, but Andrea Montgomery rolled out of the way!”

 

“That was probably the dumbest thing that Clark’s done all night,” roars Riley, conveniently reversing his previous statement. “Now, with James still out on the floor trying to walk off the damage done to his knee, he can’t even make the tag to his partner! I told you that he shouldn’t have went for that, Comet!”

 

“You did not!”

 

“Did too!”

 

As Comet and Riley continue to bicker back and forth, Andrea pulls herself to her knees and begins to crawl towards her corner and the outstretched hand of the Birdman. Alan rolls over and looks up just as she gets close enough to reach her partner, and desperately lunges forward, locking both hands around her ankle and hanging on for dear life.

 

“The leader of the Wayward Sons had the wind knocked out of him with that missed move,” notes Comet, “but he still had the presence of mind to prevent Citizen Montgomery from making the tag!” Alan stands up, still holding on to Drea’s ankle, and she gets up along with him. She suddenly springs off of her other foot, whipping it through the air to deliver an enzugiri, which Alan deftly avoids…

 

 

CRACK!

 

 

… But Andrea leaps back off the mat the instant her foot touches, and catches Clark in the face with a jump-spinning heel kick! Alan releases his hold on Andrea’s ankle, and she makes a final desperate lunge into her corner…

 

SWAT!

 

… Where she makes the tag to Birdman! The crowd erupts as the Bird leaps over the top rope, pulling Clark to his feet and backing him against the edge of the ring with a rapid-fire series of right hands! He grabs Clark by the wrist and whips him across the ring, leaping into the air as he rebounds off the ropes and spinning around to belt him in the mouth with a flying back elbow smash! But Birdman doesn’t give him any time to recover, pulling him immediately back to his feet and whipping him into the ropes again…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… This time sending him falling down to the canvas courtesy of a picture-perfect standing dropkick!

 

“Birdman is on fire,” exclaims Comet. “He’s really kicked it into high gear since being tagged in!” Birdman pulls Clark back to his feet, whipping him into the ropes yet again, but this time, the Wayward Son reverses, spinning around on his heel to send Birdman into the ropes instead. But, Birdman dives headfirst towards the edge of the ring, planting his hands firmly on the canvas as his lower body rises above him and bounces off the ropes. Springing sharply back into the ring, Birdman suddenly takes flight, spinning around in midair and extending his body to catch Clark off-balance with a handspring cross-body block! Birdman hooks the leg as he comes down, holding the cover as referee Kivell drops down to count the pin:

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

THR—

 

 

But, Eddy J lumbers around the ring over to where Birdman is trying to seal the win and reaches inside, grabbing Birdy by the ankle before Kivell’s hand can drop a final time, and pulling him off of his partner!

 

“Edward James, on that injured knee, still had enough left in him to save his partner,” shouts Comet. “It was probably over if not for him!”

 

“Through illegal interference, I might add,” notes Riley, as Birdman gets to his feet and leans through the ropes to protest said interference. “I thought that the Wayward Sons were above such measures!”

 

“Well, when you fall into the kind of slump that the Wayward Sons have,” rationalizes Comet, “you become more willing to take that extra step to try and get out of it!” Clark gets to his feet and sees that Birdman’s attention has been diverted outside the ring, so he leaps into action, jamming a running kneelift into the small of Birdy’s back! He instructs James to get onto the ring apron and hold the Bird in place as he runs across the ring, bouncing off the ropes as he runs back to deliver a knee into Birdman’s chest…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… But Birdy wriggles out of Edward’s grasp and dives to the safety, leaving Clark to crash into his own partner! Eddy J is barely able to hold onto the top rope to keep himself from falling off the apron, and Alan runs back over to the edge of the ring, apologizing profusely, leaving Birdman enough time to sneak behind him and leap into the air…

 

 

CRACK!

 

 

… Nailing Clark in the back with a dropkick that sends him stumbling into his partner! Alan and Eddy collide headfirst, and the impact knocks James off of the apron as Clark stumbles backwards into the ring, right into a schoolboy pin by the Birdman:

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

THR—

 

 

KICKOUT!

 

 

Alan is able to kickout, but Birdman beats him to his feet, and motions for Andrea to join him back in the ring. They each grab one of Clark’s arms and whip him across the ring, linking their hands together to deliver a double-clothesline as he bounces off the ropes, but Alan ducks underneath the attempt. He runs across the ring, rebounding a second time…

 

 

CRACK!

 

 

… And runs right into a double-superkick by Andrea and the Bird!

 

 

“Double Superkick,” shrieks Comet. “That may have knocked him out! Andrea exits to the ring apron before referee Kivell can say anything to her, and Birdy pulls Alan to his feet, grabbing him by the wrist and whipping him into his corner. Dashing across the ring to the currently vacated corner of the Wayward Sons, Birdman looks up into the rafters before unleashing a loud birdcall!

 

 

CAW, CAW!

CAW, CAW!

 

The rabid Portland crowd mimics his birdcall as he runs back across the ring, leaping into the air and rocketing towards the corner as he crashes into Alan Clark with a Stinger Splash! He quickly makes the tag to Andrea and traps Clark in a front facelock as he staggers out of the corner.

 

“Birdman makes the tag to his partner,” says Comet, “and I can’t help but think that this match is just about over!” Birdy drapes one of Alan’s arms over the back of his neck as he reaches down and hooks the Wayward Sons’ leg underneath his knee.

 

“Birdman’s already made the tag to Andrea,” growls Riley. “How long is Kivell going to let him stay in the ring?” Birdman lifts Clark into the air, still holding onto the leg, as though about to deliver a fisherman’s buster…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… But suddenly drops to his knees, crushing the back of Alan’s neck against his shoulder with a Mexican Stretch Buster!

 

“Bird Buster,” shouts Comet. “He hit him with the Bird Buster!” No sooner than Birdman moves clear of Clark’s body, Andrea leaps from the ring apron, springing into the ring and tucking her knees in to her chest as she revolves forward…

 

 

SPLASH!

 

 

… Before crashing into Clark’s chest with a springboard 450º splash!

 

“Oh my,” shrieks Comet. “That looked like Fallout’s old Nuclear Bomb! There’s no way that Clark is going to get up from that!” Andrea reaches back to hook the leg as Kivell dives into position to make the count:

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

Eddy J gets to his feet and, seeing his partner about to be pinned, starts towards the ring to make the save…

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

… But the Birdman dives from off the ring apron, taking the big man down with a flying tackle!

 

 

 

THREE!

 

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

 

“Just a Girl” begins to play as Kivell orders the timekeeper to ring the bell. Funyon rises from his seat and announces the outcome. “Here are your winners, the Birdman, and Andrea Montgomery!”

 

“Andrea and the Birdman maintain their momentum as they head towards a collision course with the Tag Team Champions at Ground Zero,” says Comet, as Kivell raises the victors’ hands. “We’ll be back with more exciting SWF Action!”

[the.weej 0]

Fade in from black. The cheer of the crowd in the Cumberland County Civic Center in Portland, Maine overcomes the scene as it pans around the arena. A couple signs get some attention, including: “Hollywood is SO dead!” “Janus = SICK!” and “The Storm is coming!” The camera continues to catch various fans in their best, and worst, moments as the announce team, the superhero Cyclone Comet and sidekick Bobby Riley, voices over.

 

“The Storm is indeed coming!” shouts the familiar voice of Comet! “Right after we welcome you back to SWF Smarkdown!!” The producers decide that’s enough crowd footage and cuts to the announce table. Comet continues, “I’m Cyclooooone Comet! And this is my partner in justice, Bobby Riley!”

 

“Partner in justice?” Riley asks. “Have you gotten into some of Spike’s old stash? Or maybe Drazon finally got his bag through customs and you had it confiscated? You know I’m all about the crime!”

 

“But you know I wouldn’t be, Bobbo! And I wouldn’t be surprised if you know about the time associated with the crime, and liked it!”

 

Riley fumbles as he hand motions, searching for words, “Well.. I.. I haven’t done any time!” He meekly continues, “I would have liked it.”

 

“You sick, sick man!” Comet admonishes.

 

“Speaking of sick,” Riley says as he perks back up. “Last week on our special ‘In King’s Pants’ edition of Lockdown, our beloved World Champion, Janus, beat the ever-loving crap out of Munich and Ced! That was sick!”

 

Cyclone shakes his head. “You know what’s even more sick, Robert?” Comet doesn’t wait for an answer from his partner. “The fact that Commissioner Zenon decided to make both of those mangled boys wrestle again tonight! That’s sick!”

 

“I think I’ll enjoy it. Sean Davis is doing the beating tonight. I’ll have the image of his rotund boo-“

 

“That’s enough, Robert!” Comet interrupts quickly!

 

The lights in the arena darken, but do not go black. The crowd hushes for a moment as they wait..

 

STREAK!

 

BOOM!!

 

Two white hot lightning bolts of pyro flash from ceiling to stage and erupt with a loud clap of thunder as “F.E.” by 40 Below Summer kicks up! The crowd gets absolutely livid as flames burst alive and line the stage. The monstrous Sean Davis steps out from behind the curtain, followed closely by Marcus Washington and Jet. The trio pauses on the stage as Funyon makes his announcement to a heated crowd.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen!! The following contest is scheduled for one fall and will be a Haaandicap Match!! Introducing first! From Jacksonville, Florida and weighing in at two hundred and seventy pounds, he is accompanied by Marcus Washington and JET! Representing Revvvvolutioooooon ZERO!! The Perrrrrfect Stooooorm!! SEEEAANNN DAAAAVIIISS!!”

 

BOOOOOOOO!!!

 

The trio makes their way down the ramp as the crowd continues to jeer them. Davis heads straight for the ring, climbing in between the second and top ropes. Jet and Marcus stick to the outside of the ring, moving to the back corner. Sean stands near the referee, talking over some small things as "F.E." fades from the speakers.

 

"Night of FIRE!!"

 

RAAAAAAH!!

 

The crowd goes wild as the lights go completely dark and a platform beneath the stage begins to rise up. A group of five figures are barely visible. Flashbulbs from cameras are all that allow their held poses to be seen, until..

 

"FIRE!!"

 

Large fireballs burst from the edge of the stage, inducing a precisely choreographed dance from Ced Ordonez and his four female companions. The lights flash different colors in time with the dance, and the crowd loves it!! As Ced and his troupe continue to dance, Funyon makes his announcement.

 

"And his first opponent, from Sacramento, California, weighing in at two hundred and nine pounds, THE! BENAAAAMI!! CROSS WIZAAAARD!! CEEEED ORRRRDONEZZZ!!"

 

The crowd roars again as Ced steps forward a bit in his dance, doing a small solo bit as his female entourage moves back. Ordonez breaks away suddenly and waves back at his girls as he trots to the ring and slides in. Ced heads for the far turnbuckle opposite Sean, but is met in the middle of the ring with a hard right from Davis!!

 

BOOOO!!

 

The referee calls for the bell as Ced reels back with the blow, only to receive another!

 

DING! DING! DING!!

 

Ced's theme music dies quickly from the speakers and the crowd begins to cheer once again as Munich sprints out from backstage and toward the ring. Ced is completely jarred as Sean whips him across the ring and catches the Cross Wizard in a stomach crushing spinebuster! As Davis gets up, Munich charges from behind and..

 

BAM!

 

..hits the Perfect Storm with a clothesline to the back of his head!

 

"Guilty Pleasure to stop Citizen Davis in his tracks!" shouts Comet! "What a lifesaver for Citizen Ordonez!"

 

"Lifesaver? You act like Ced was drowning before the canoe hit the water! The match just started!" retaliates Riley!

 

Sean stumbles forward, a hand cradling the back of his skull. Munich presses on with clubbing forearms, but only lands two before the referee interferes. Munich is forced to step back, but argues with the ref.

 

"What're you doing?! Let me at the bastard!" Munich yells!

 

The referee quietly explains to Munich the rules of the match, and the Dallas native can't help but shake his head. Davis just smirks over the ref's shoulder at Munich and reaches down to help Ced to his feet. Munich turns to head into his corner, and as soon as the referee focuses back on Sean and Ced, Munich overtakes the referee and..

 

BAM!

 

..clobbers the back of Sean's head again! Davis cradles his head as Munich lands left after right after left after right on his head. The ref warns Munich again that Ced is the legal man, and begins counting.

 

One!

 

Two!

 

Munich grabs Davis and sits out in a shoulder jaw breaker as the ref counts three. Davis staggers back and into a corner.

 

Four!

 

Munich finally breaks away from his assault on the Storm and helps Ced to his feet as they congregate in their corner. Eager to not let Sean have too much time to recover, the partners talk quickly and Ced then moves toward Davis, obviously still in some pain from the earlier spinebuster. Munich grabs hold of the tag rope and shows the referee, just to spite him, then shouts at Ced.

 

"Right?!"

 

Riley comments, "Left? What the heck are they talking about?"

 

"If I knew, I'd tell you, Bobbo," says Comet. "But I have a feeling that Citizens Munich and Ced have a plan for this match. As well they should have."

 

Ced casts a questioning glance at Munich before focusing on Davis and throwing a quick roundhouse to his side in order to keep the giant as immobile as possible. Ced lands another kick, but looks wide eyed at Davis as the behemoth traps his leg under his arm! Quick thinking, though, saves Ordonez from certain misfortune as he leaps into the air and smacks Sean upside his head with an enziguri! Davis stumbles along the ropes, holding the side of his head. Ced gets up from the mat and follows Davis, picking up one of his legs and pulling him away from the ropes. Ced pulls Sean down with a quick dragon screw legwhip, then moves for the cover.

 

 

ONE!

 

 

Davis lifts a shoulder easily, almost throwing Ced off of him. Ordonez quickly gets to his feet, but drops back down to his side as Sean tries to stand, landing a dropkick to his knee. Ced stands again, and as Sean cradles his knee, Ced grabs one of his legs. Davis brings up his other foot and plants his boot into Ced’s stomach!

 

“And a one count for the Benami Cross Wizard,” mentions Riley.

 

“Citizen Ordonez is struggling with his apparent gameplan after that kick to the stomach from The Perfect Storm.”

 

Riley laughs, “Look at Munich! He’s begging to be tagged in! Too bad Davis is about to romp all over Ced!”

 

Ced stumbles back from the kick, his eyes crossed and glassing over. He drops to his knees, his arms holding his fragile stomach. Davis gets to his feet and stretches his knee a bit before moving over to Ced and dropping a heavy punch on his skull. Ordonez falls to all fours, but Sean plucks him back to his feet. In their corner, Munich is hopping on the apron, shouting at Ced to get his BUTT over for the tag. Davis smirks in Munich’s direction and then grabs Ced into a suplex position. Sean lifts Ordonez up and then turns as Ced falls, crushing his opponents body with his in the suplex powerslam! Davis remains on top of Ced for the cover.

 

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

Ced jerks to one side, forcing his shoulder off the mat! Davis chuckles stands, pulling Ced up with him. Munich pleads at Ced to make the tag as Sean bends over, lifting Ced up into a fireman’s carry. Sean moves a bit closer to Munich’s corner, as a way of taunting him, then hauls Ced off his shoulders and over his head before dropping him onto a bent knee! Ordonez cries out with the pain and rolls away, curling into the fetal position to guard his aching stomach. Davis stands again and faces Munich, daring him to get into the ring. Munich glances toward the referee, who has knelt by Ordonez, checking on the fallen Wizard. He then jumps through the ropes and charges at Davis!

 

RAAAAAAAAAHH!!!

 

The crowd goes nuts as the two giants collide in the middle of the ring! Munich and Davis throw punches, giving and receiving until finally Sean grabs the advantage, assaulting Munich with heavy right hands. The Dallas native teeters back with the onslaught until he rests against the ropes. Davis whips Munich into the opposite ropes and moves to the middle of the ring to receive him. He bends at the waist, and gets a kick to the chest! Munich quickly reverses with a shoulder jaw breaker!

 

“Plan M from Citizen Munich!” shouts Cyclone Comet!

 

“Nice try at a comeback, but you forgot one thing, Spandex Boy. Ced is the legal man! And here’s the stupid ref to clear things up!”

 

The referee moves over and confronts Munich, ordering him back to his corner. Munich raises his arms, apologizing (but does he mean it?) as he backs toward his corner. The referee turns back to the two legal men in the ring, and as he does, Munich moves around to his fallen partner and drags him toward their corner! The crowd cheers as Munich quickly exits the ring and grabs the tag rope, smiling at the ref as he reaches over and tags himself in! The ref acknowledges the tag and Munich gets into the ring. He charges at Davis again, but Davis also charges, like a freight train out of control, and the collide! Sean’s weight overpowers Munich and he ends up on his back, the Perfect Storm crushing him on the mat. And then a flurry of blows dazes Munich as Sean batters his head with hard rights. The ref counts for Davis to get off Munich.

 

One!

 

Two!

 

Three!

 

Four!

 

Five!

 

Davis gets up at the last moment and he pulls Munich up with him. Sean hefts Munich up into a brainbuster position, and drops him back down into a DDT! Davis floats over for the pinfall.

 

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

THREE!

 

 

 

 

No! Munich gets a shoulder up at the last possible moment! He cradles his neck as Sean gets to his feet. The Perfect Storm begins stomping away at Munich, aiming his large boot at Munich’s lower back. Munich arches with the pain, and rolls away, into the corner. He uses the ropes to help him to his feet, and Sean is there, pounding away at Munich’s skull. The referee counts again for Sean to let up on Munich.

 

One!

 

Two!

 

Three!

 

Four!

 

Five!

 

Sean finally obliges the ref and pulls Munich out of the corner by his neck. He forces Munich to bend over and applies a head scissors. Davis reaches down, locking his arms around Munich’s torso. Sean lifts Munich up for a powerbomb, then quickly throws him back-first onto the mat! Munich grimaces as his back starts throbbing again. Davis looks between Munich at his feet and Ced in the corner. Ordonez has finally made it to his feet, but still holds his stomach. Sean smirks and grabs Munich by his hair, dragging him across the ring and right to his partner! Davis backs up a couple steps and just waits to see what the two battered wrestlers will do.

 

“Citizen Davis is toying with Citizens Munich and Ced like a cat with his mouse! This is uncalled for!” cries Comet!

 

“But so fun to watch! Davis could easily end this at any time now, but he’s getting more pleasure out of watching his victims squirm!”

 

“They’re more like Citizen Janus’s victims, Bobbo. I’m sure Citizens Munich and Ced wouldn’t be this easy of prey if our World Champion hadn’t absolutely obliterated them last week! And I shudder to call him that!”

 

“Our World Champion?” asks Riley.

 

“Yes.”

 

Ced looks at Munich, then at Sean and reluctantly tags himself in. Ordonez steps through the ropes and approaches Davis cautiously. Ced then sprints forward, ducks a clothesline from Sean, bounces off the ropes and then flies at Davis for a crossbody! Sean just catches his opponent, then drops him across his knee with a sidebuster! Davis keeps a hold of Ced, not allowing him to go to the mat. Sean lifts him to his feet and grabs Ced from behind. Sean hauls Ordonez backward and hits a release German Suplex!

 

“It’s over now!” shouts Riley!

 

Davis floats over for the count.

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

Munich crawls toward the pinfall!

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

And drops his elbow on the back of Sean’s head! It’s too late!

 

DING! DING! DING!!!

 

The referee calls for the bell as “F.E.” kicks up on the loudspeakers.

 

BOOOOOOO!!!!

 

Davis rolls to his feet, leaving a crumpled Ced on the floor. He rubs the back of his head for a moment before booting Munich in the face! The referee orders Sean out of the ring and the behemoth obliges, smirking at his dirty work. His theme fades into nothingness as Sean makes his way up the ramp. Munich staggers to his feet, then looks at Ced. Ced remains on the mat, cradling his neck. Munich grabs Ced up and shakes him! Ced stumbles and barely remains on his feet, a hand still holding his neck. He looks bewildered at Munich and berates him! A shouting match ensues, which is ended quickly as Ced brushes past Munich and rolls out of the ring.

 

“What was that all about?” asks Comet. The camera focuses on the announce table. Riley just shrugs and Comet continues, “Well, up next we have Citizen Maddix and Citizen Lezaire facing off.”

 

“Much More Moron! Woohoo!” shouts Riley!

 

Fade to black.

[the.weej 0]

The camera changes to the interior of the Commissioner’s office and reveals Alex Zenon, better known simply as Z, sitting behind his traveling desk, putting his signature on one last piece of paperwork and sliding it onto a stack marked “Outgoing”.

 

“Thank god. Now I just have to check e-mail and I am done with administrative crap for the evening. Why I put this crap off until the night of the shows, I’ll never figure out.”

 

He reaches beside the desk and pulls up a slim laptop computer, places it on the desk surface and opens it up. As the start-up sequences runs, he sips slowly from a can of Pepsi-Max. Finally, there is a beep from the system, he uses the mouse and double-clicks something, and then the classic phrase “You’ve got mail!”

 

He reads for a moment, obviously sorting through the porn and Viagra ads and finally sees something worth reading. He double-clicks again and looks intently at the screen.

 

“Oh no… no way. Dammit, not now!” He pushes the computer off the back of the desk, knocking all of the carefully stacked papers down in the process, and then Alex drops his head to the desk. With his fist he pounds on the desk in frustration.

 

The camera zooms in on the partially visible screen and is able to pick up the words “… be back at Ground Zero. And I’ll see you in the ring.”

 

The camera holds that shot for a moment, then fades.

[the.weej 0]

“Welcome back to Smakdown, loyal citizens, it is I, CYYYCCCLLLOONNNEEE COOOO-“

 

Before Comet can recite his trademark greeting, the arena is shaken to its very core by-

 

*BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!*

 

-The hard bass line strikes of Muse’s ‘Hyper Music’, which signals the entrance of the one and only Ace Lezaire, striding out form behind the curtain with a cocky grin on his dial. He stands at the top of the stage, raising his arms to the heavens, thanking them for his looks and talent as…

 

*BOOM!*

 

…Two tall bursts of pyro explode either side of him, before the Prodigy heads to the ring, waving to the fans graciously, but in a surprising turn of events, most hold their tongues, and some even cheer, honestly hoping the kooky Canadian can somehow defeat Landon Maddix.

 

Comet: “Well, that was awfully rude… but, tonight is Citizen Lezaire’s night, Bobbo. Because tonight, he has the support of justice on his side as he prepared to do battle with Landon Maddix!”

 

Riley: “I’m sure he’s thrilled to bits, Comet. What is he doing against Landon Maddix, anyway? He should be getting killed by Janus for the World Title.”

 

Comet: “Wasn’t that match cancelled…?”

 

Riley: “Lezaire faced Renegade in an impromptu match, but as my father the Vietnam Veteran always says, you’d NEVER KNOW COMET, ‘CAUSE YOU WEREN’T THERE.”

 

Comet: “Your father was in the army, huh? That does explain a lot.”

 

Funyon: “the following match is a singles match, and is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. Weighing in at two hundred and thirty five pounds, he is the Sovereign of Swagger, Canada’s Greatest Hope… he is, ACE LEZAIRE!”

 

Lezaire nods his head, happy to finally be cheered and appreciated for who he is; a god among men. Steve simply sighs as Ace orders more heroic close ups, but something suddenly breaks his jovial mood…

 

The faint guitar riff beginning to "Megalomaniac" by Incubus starts playing in the background, and the boos heard are almost immediate. The song picks up with intensity as the boos from the capacity crowd do, thousands strong, all voicing their dislike and distrust for Maddix, but a a booming voice appears over the P.A system to quell their resistance...

 

"PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!"

 

...WAAAAAHHHHH...

 

*DUM DUM*

 

"Megalomaniac" continues playing, as from behind the curtain steps Landon Maddix, stopping at the top of the ramp and thrusting his hands out to his side as the lights return back to normal. Landon turns back to the curtains as Megan Skye follows in turn. They then walk down the ramp, with Landon leading the way, jaw jacking with fans on the way down the ramp as he goes.

 

Funyon: “And… his opponent. From Huron, South Dakota. Weighing in at two hundred and ten pounds, he is the FORMER ICTV Champion, ladies and gentleman, he is LANDON MADDIX!”

 

Funyon’s announcement causes a scowl to appear on Maddix’s face as he and Megan Skye both walk around ringside, ignoring the ravenous mob of fans taunting them. Skye palms her hand across Maddix’s cheek and gives him a wicked smile, before he slides into the ring, ready to do battle.

 

Comet: “Though Citizen Maddix maybe be the smaller man in this match, his wealth of experience and high flying arsenal will certainly serve him well, but Lezaire may still feel sour about losing to Landon in an ICTV championship match up only a month ago…”

 

Riley: “And he’ll continue to feel sour after tonight, because Maddix is not, I repeat, NOT, going to let some rookie from up north put a dampen on his parade as he gets set to do battle with the sniveling Johnny Dangerous at Ground Zero…”

 

With both men in the ring, facing off against each other and the fans a a fever pitch, referee Eddy Long points to ringside, and…

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

…The bell is rung and we’re set to begin! But neither Lezaire nor Maddix are looking for an all-out brawl, lest it leave brutal scars on their beautiful bodies. An uneasy standoff ensues, as both men play ring around the Rosie, looking for an opening to exploit, a pocket full of posies perhaps, but finding none.

 

Just as the crowd is prepared to riot over the excessive stalling, Lezaire makes a faint hand gesture, barely enough to be seen. Maddix doesn’t notice it himself, but what he does notice is-

 

 

 

Johnny Dangerous!

 

 

 

-The sultry female voice and patented entrance of one Johnny Dangerous! The dull atmosphere is suddenly strung up and whipped into a frenzy as the crowd come alive, praising the arrival of one who would bring balance to the force.

 

But… Dangerous is nowhere to be found. Maddix leans over the ropes, calling out his hated foe, completely forgetting he’s in a wrestling contest, allowing Lezaire to-

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

-Pull him down and pin his shoulders to the mat with a school boy from behind! Maddix pushes Lezaire away and scampers to his feet, wondering what the hell just happened, and Lezaire kindly fills him in with a jab punch on the tip of the nose.

 

Two more jabs follow, staggering Maddix momentarily, allowing Lezaire to kiss clenched fist, pirouette in a circle gracefully, swinging with one final knockout punch in a beautiful movement. That is, until Maddix ducks underneath and avoids the blow entirely!

 

Lezaire’s own momentum spins him around further, allowing Maddix to place a hand underneath his thigh, and an arm around his waist, lifting him high into the air. It proves to be too high, however, as Maddix loses his grip on a slippery Lezaire, who flips out of the Back Drop, and landing on his feet with the utmost care. Caught entirely by surprise, Maddix turns around, finding Lezaire launching off the ropes, knocking him back with a Dropsault to the chest! Maddix is sent off-balance, stumbling into the ropes behind him and sent bouncing back against his will, where Lezaire lies in wait, leaping into the air once more and snapping the Future of our sport over with an Ankle Scissors!

 

Comet: “Maddix has been thrown off his game by the apparent arrival of Johnny Dangerous, which turned out to be nothing but a cunning trick, and Citizen Lezaire is taking full advantage, and so he should!”

 

Riley: “I don’t know how you can advocate this, Comet. Maddix knows he has to except a reprisal from Johnny, and Lezaire is SHAMELESSLY and BRAZENLY taking advantage.”

 

Lezaire gives Riley a thumbs up as he drops to his knees, causing the commentator to groan loudly, before Ace hooks Maddix by the leg and Eddy Long counts

 

Comet: “Bobbo, Maddix’s despicable and reprehensible behavior on Lockdown deserves nothing BUT that in return! I thought you would be singing Citizen Lezaire’s praises for such acts.”

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

Riley: “Only a one count, not enough to topple my boy. Comet, when it all comes down to it and all is said and done, I’d definitely rather Much More Maddix and a Lot Less Lezaire… until maybe next week, at least.”

 

From ringside, Megan Skye looks on with a sense of worry and dread in her beautiful yet scheming eyes. Lezaire brings his foe to a vertical base, shooting Steve a goofy grin before backing into the strands to build up some momentum. His plans are suddenly thwarted by the quick-thinking Skye who reaches under the bottom rope and grabs Ace by the ankle, causing him to fall flat on his face! In a display not seen in an SWF arena, the fans protest Lezaire’s unfair treatment, calling for Megan Skye’s hide, but the jezebel just shrugs innocently, wondering what she did to deserve such a hostile reaction, whimpering quietly.

 

Comet: “Once again, Citizen Maddix has to rely on outside interference to give him an edge and a chance to take control! Acts such as that have made Maddix a marked man for much loathing!”

 

Riley: “I don’t know how you live with yourself, Freak.”

 

Comet: “I cry alone at night in my spandex suit.”

 

From across the ring, Steve shoots Skye a glare, knowing she’ll prove to be a problem for his associate. Maddix, putting the events earlier to the back of his mind, begins his offense with a potentially headache Knee Drop driven into Lezaire’s forehead. Maddix rolls through and back to his feet, throwing his arms out and smiling, embracing the fans jeers as a job well done. Maddix lifts his opponent to his feet, winking to his partner in crime, Megan Skye, I gots the mad rhymes, before sending Lezaire into the ropes with an Irish Whip. Skye jumps the gun a little too early as she again reaches underneath the bottom rope, but before she can put her plan into action, Lezaire reverses the whip! Skye retreats as Eddy Long tells her to keep out, whilst Maddix bounces off the ropes, easily leapfrogging over Lezaire on his return.

 

With the referee’s back turned however, Steve suddenly reaches up and pulls the top rope down with a low bridge, causing him to land in a heap on the concrete floor below!

 

Riley: “Now how can you possibly condone THAT? Steve interferes indiscriminately, and you don’t even bat an eye lid. Disgraceful.”

 

Comet: “I’m obviously deluded, Bobbo. So much so that I didn’t even see that happen, all I see are bunny rabbits, a rainbow and Pepsi Max as far as the eye can see…”

 

Riley: Surely I can have you declared incompetent and institutionalized and with that.”

 

Eddy Long turns back around, wondering what that loud thud was, but as usual, he has no clue and shrugs his shoulders. A smirk appears on Steve’s face as Skye boils into a bubbly rage, thumping her hands on the canvas and demanding retribution! She and Steve exchange quick glances before the action inside the ring grabs everyone’s attention, that being Lezaire placing his hands on the top rope and using it to spring up and over, crashing down on Maddix just as he regains his footing!

 

Riley: “See, that’s just plain rude…and take that stupid grin off your face, Freak.”

 

Comet: “I’m sorry Bobbo, but after Maddix’s criminal actions on Lockdown, I’m happy to see him get what’s coming to him, the swift hand of justice, just as we will at Ground Zero.”

 

Maddix is flattened like a pancake, before being scooped up by Lezaire and thrown back into the ring. Ace climbs up onto the ring apron, holding his arms up high, praising the heavens for blessing him with such talent. This is a sickening display for Maddix, knowing HE is the only gift from god in the ring at the moment. Still on all fours, Maddix dives across the ring and threads himself through the second and third rope, spearing Lezaire in the ribcage. Lezaire recoils but keeps a tight hold of the top rope to keep himself in place. Maddix peppers him with right hands, loosening Ace’s grip, before lifting him up vertically with a Suplex, but Lezaire escapes out the back door! Small segments of the crowd cheer for the cunning reversal as Lezaire immediately spins around and links his arms around Landon’s waist, trying to heave him up and over with a German Suplex.

 

Riley: “A precarious spot for Landon to find himself in, especially when he’s seemingly off his game...”

 

Riley’s fears are put to rest as Maddix holds onto the top rope for dear life, blocking Ace’s attempt at a Suplex. Before Lezaire can formulate another angle of attack, Landon sends a few back elbows Ace’s way, dazing the Canadian and causing his grip to slip. Only a split-second later, Maddix wows those in attendance, breaking Lezaire’s hold and spinning around, diving out to the side and dragging Lezaire down across the second rope with a Drop Toe Hold! As the Canadian gasps for air, the cable pressed against his throat, Maddix raises an arm to the crowd before backing into the ropes, launching himself across the squared circle, taking hold of the second and third rope as he-

 

 

*BAM!*

 

 

-connects with the 605, catching Lezaire square in the face! The Sovereign of Swagger does exactly that, staggering across the canvas before Flair flopping to the canvas. Maddix chuckles, the fans jeers music to his ears as he falls to the mat, hooking Lezaire by the leg for

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

But Lezaire won’t go down easy, and kicks out! Maddix seems a little surprised, and perhaps a little full of himself, but nonetheless he climbs to his feet, pointing up to the lonely peak of the top rope!

 

Riley: “That’s what I’m talking about, Comet! My boy’s going to finish this one early, and give himself more time to rest for what is sure to be a triumphant title victory for himself against Johnny Dangerous.”

 

Comet: “He’s a foolish, foolish fool, Bobbo. Whether Citizen Landon’s overly confident in his own abilities, or severely underestimating Lezaire’s, this could lead to disaster!”

 

But much to Comet’s dismay, Lezaire lies completely motionless, laid out in the perfect position for Maddix to perform his Drug of Maddixion from the top rope. Fearing Lezaire’s demise is imminent, the fans rally to support him, chanting

 

 

WE LOVE ACE! WE LOVE ACE! WE LOVE ACE!

 

 

…Over and over, in hopes of stirring the Canadian to life. Landon continues his ascent towards the top rope before placing himself in perfect position, balancing like a bird on a wire, without the risk of electrocution, of course. He salutes the fans once more, before

 

 

*CRASH!*

 

 

Lezaire leaps into action, throwing himself on the top rope and causing Maddix to stumble and crotch himself on the top turnbuckle!

 

 

LET’S GO ACE! LET’S GO ACE! LET’S GO ACE!

 

 

Comet: “We’re a long way from Canada, but Citizen Lezaire has the crowd on his side against the despicable Maddix, and their spurring him on as much as they can!”

 

Riley: “Don’t these people realize? Once you start cheering this guy, his head will only get bigger and bigger and will surely spell doom for us all.”

 

Comet: “I’d much rather life in a post apocalyptic world ruled by Ace Lezaire’s giant mutated head than see Maddix win in that ring tonight.”

 

Riley: “… You’re nothing if not insane, you spandex loving freak.”

 

The crowd rise to their feet in unison, taking the utmost pleasure in seeing Maddix straddle the top rope, while Landon wonders if he can still further the Maddix loins. Lezaire is stunned by the crowd’s support, but announces, “It’s about bloody time!” The Canadian heads towards the turnbuckles, climbing up to meet Landon, greeting him with forearms to the cranium, causing Landon to sway back and forth groggily. Ace holds Maddix still before latching onto his neck and pulling him down-

 

 

RRRRRRAAAAAHHHHHH

 

 

-snapping him over with a Frankensteiner! Maddix’s head hits the canvas, his neck starting to feel the pinch as Lezaire looks to take advantage of that, putting pressure on it by flipping over Landon and pinning him with a bridge

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

THHHHRRRRRRR-

 

 

But Landon pushes Ace away as he kicks his legs out, holding much strength in the lower half of his body. Lezaire need only swivel around until he’s above Maddix, pulling his neck into place with a Reverse Face Lock! The Dragon Clutch type move hits a little too close to home, the Land of Nod, for Landon, who pulls himself up with great agility, before spinning on the point of his toe and facing Lezaire, reaching underneath his arm and linking his arms around his waist in an instant, taking him over with a Northern Lights Suplex!

 

Riley: “A beautifully executed move from the former champion, and soon to be champion. Lezaire can use his scare tactics, shameless aid from sources on the outside, but Maddix is just too good and too smart to fall for such a tactic.”

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

To break the count, Lezaire tightens his hold around Landon’s waist and arches his back, lifting himself and Maddix off the mat together. Both men untangle and spin out and away, Lezaire trying to knock Maddix down with a wild lariat from the restart, but Landon ducks underneath with ease.

 

As the Canadian turns back around for another pass, Landon takes a step back, then two steps forward, making real progress as he-

 

 

*THUMP!*

 

 

-nails Lezaire with a Superkick to the chest, knocking Lezaire on the flat of his back! Megan Skye golf claps her man, who stands back up and bows gracefully to the crowd.

 

Comet: “Citizen Maddix’s deadly Calling Card may finally do Lezaire in! This does not look at all good for Dangerous, seeing Maddix in such top form…”

 

Riley: “Damn right he’s in top form. You can’t keep a good man down, and whilst these fans thought, no, no, prayed an upset was on the horizon, it was nothing but wishful thinking.”

 

While Riley sings Landon’s praises much to everyone’s dismay, Landon drops to his knees, almost stunned at his own performance, before draping an arm across Lezaire’s chest

 

 

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TTTTHHHHRRRRRRRR-

 

But from out of the corner of his eye, Eddy Long spots Lezaire’s foot on the ropes and breaks the count at two and a half! Landon looks smug, raising his arm into the air in honor of his victory, but the crowd’s cheers suddenly bring him back to reality, looking down at Steve filming a close up of Lezaire’s foot dangling on the bottom rope!

 

Riley: “Steve sticks his nose into other’s people business ONCE AGAIN. Why is he always helping Lezaire when he can’t stand the sight of him…”

 

Maddix looks ready to flatten the ref with one punch, but wisely decides against it, instead he kneels behind Ace, and pulling back on his neck with a side headlock.

 

Comet: “Citizen Steve may have bought Lezaire some time, but if he lets Landon keep this hold on, depriving Ace of air, he’ll surely fall!”

 

Riley: “Again, its smart work from Maddix, following the devastating kick to the chest with a submission that deprives the Canadian of any air, a brilliant strategy.”

 

As soon as Maddix locks on the hold, Lezaire wriggles and writhes, knowing he has to escape, and knows he doesn’t have much time. Sitting back up, Ace slowly works his way back to his feet, only to drop back down again with a jaw breaker! Maddix, stunned, literally for a second, stumbles backward as Lezaire hits the ropes, bouncing back off, only to be grabbed around the ankle by Megan Skye again!

 

Comet: “What is this, dueling interference?”

 

Riley: “I’m surprised they haven’t pulled out banjos, Deliverance style.”

 

But this time, Lezaire keeps his feet, and he instinctively kicks right back, hitting Skye in the face! The crowd jump to their feet and cheer at the sight of a female being beaten, as Landon climbs to his feet, holding his neck from the pressure that’s been put on it. Looking to end the match, Lezaire kicks low, down in Maddix’s breadbasket, before twisting around and locking his hands around his neck, ready for the Ace Crusher!

 

Maddix counters however, pushing Lezaire into the turnbuckles where he hits sternum first. Maddix moves in for the kill, looking for the Crash Landon, but the crowd’s attention is suddenly diverted to the entranceway…

 

Comet: “It’s Dangerous! Johnny Dangerous is here to settle the score and do justice for all!”

 

Maddix spins around, absolutely shocked by the arrival of his heated foe. The Barracuda waves, pointing to the bandage from the brutal chair shot Maddix himself delivered on Lockdown. Landon just smirks, wanting Johnny to come meet him in the ring…

 

… But before he can, Lezaire sprints out of the corner, reaching underneath Maddix and hooking his arm between his legs with a School Boy pin! Eddy Long slides over as quickly as possible to make the count, but as he does, focusing on Maddix’s shoulders, Lezaire hopes his feet onto the second rope for added leverage, and for once, the fans cheer his cheating ways!

 

Riley: “What!?! This can’t happen! This just wouldn’t be justice!”

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

Megan Skye stands up on the ring apron, ready to hit the ring and save her man, but Steve drags her back down!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

Johnny simply smiles, as the fans count the last fall…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TTTTHHHHRRREEEEEE!!!!

 

 

 

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

Comet: “With the help of Johnny Dangerous, Lezaire has prevailed over Landon Maddix!”

 

Riley: “I can’t believe it. I mean, Maddix hit Johnny with a chair, but… Dangerous did NOTHING, and that was the most effective revenge possible!”

 

Comet: “He distracted Maddix just long enough for Lezaire to pin Landon to the mat, and his ring instincts caused him to focus on the neck and put pressure on the neck so Landon couldn’t kick out if he wanted to!”

 

Lezaire slips out of the ring, the fans cheering, but not for him but for Johnny Dangerous, who waves to Maddix, simply turning around and disappearing behind the black curtain. Steve finally lets Skye go, avoiding a slap from her as he leaves, before she heads into the ring to console Landon, and reassure him that at Ground Zero, he’ll have his revenge, and his title back…

 

Comet: “This match has ended somewhat abruptly, and in controversial circumstances! Lezaire comes out victorious by the skin of his teeth, but ultimately, he and Johnny have dealt Maddix a terrible psychological blow heading into Ground Zero!”

 

Riley: “Poppycock. Maddix is a professional, there is no way he’d let this get to him. At Ground Zero, Johnny won’t have any help, and Landon will shine once again.”

 

Comet: “Let’s hope not. Anyway, loyal citizens, we still have out Main Event of the evening to get to, so don’t go away, it’s Janus squaring off against Toxxic, a PPV preview, coming up next!”

 

The scene ends with Maddix, holding his neck, gritting his teeth with pain, but a smirk is on his face. A smirk that leads into an eerie laugh, before we…

 

 

 

 

Fade out…

[the.weej 0]

“Citizens, we have taken out last commercial break and now we’re Smarking It Down all the way until the final bell,” Comet greets the returning viewers, “and that final bell will bring to a close a match that I predict will be very, very brutal!”

 

“And a good job too!” Bobby Riley exclaims. “Tom had to exert himself on this show instead of resting up for his important match at the Pay-Per-View, and to add insult to injury he was curtain-jerking! I can only hope that Janus and Toxxic tear each other to pieces and give Mr Flesher an easy ride this Sunday. Not that he needs it, of course,” the unsubtly gay one continues, “but he deserves it.”

 

“Robert?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Shush.”

 

As Riley tries to think of a suitably witty retort the cameras pan down to the ring in the middle of the Cumberland County Civic Centre and focus on the plump figure of Funyon. The crowd are buzzing in anticipation of the carnage to come (not least because no matter who suffers, they’re going to enjoy it) and the ring announcer grins as he raises his microphone.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen of Portland-”

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”

 

“Funyon’s milking the cheap pops now?” Riley asks in amazement.

 

“Just because the only pop you’ve ever received was at your tenth birthday party,” Comet replies. Riley raises his eyebrows.

 

“Oooo-oooohh, someone’s Spandex is riding up the wrong way isn’t it?” he taunts the retired superhero. “Careful, or you’ll have to change your name to Catwoman!”

 

“Ladies and gentlemen of Portland,” Funyon tries again, “it is time for tonight’s MAIN EVENT~! It is a non-title contest scheduled for one fall, there are no disqualifications and no count-outs, and falls only count in the ring! Viewers at home should send their parents to bed, and the first three rows here are advised to be ready to move at a moment’s notice! If inconvenienced by the action we strongly advise that you do NOT attack the wrestlers with your chair as spinal damage often offends and we would not be able to afford the subsequent lawsuit!”

 

“I hate all this safety rubbish,” Riley comments.

 

Before Funyon - who’s loving the spotlight - can move onto pointing out the emergency exits and what to do with your hotdog in the case of a crash the Smarktron blacks out and the crunching guitars of Lostprophets’ ‘We Still Kill The Old Way’ blast out over the arena. Jagged white letters flash up the words ‘Prepare To Be Proved Wrong’ before changing to a clip of Toxxic taking Mike Van Siclen off a balcony and through a table with the Toxxic Shock Syndrome, the devastating landing timed to coincide with the-

 

‘GO!’

 

*BOOOM!!*

 

-explosion of red pyro announcing the arrival of the SWF’s premier straight-edger! The Smarktron changes to show a shot of Toxxic’s trademark lopsided grin before moving onto clips of the Straight-Edge Sensation’s matches - the all-show brawl against Insane Luchador, hitting the Glass Jawbreaker on Aecas and dropping Nathaniel Kibagami on his head with the Caffeine Bomb.

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

The smoke from the pyro starts to drift and striding through it comes the spiky-haired figure of the British rookie in a shirt bearing his familiar slogan, but tonight he is unaccompanied to the ring. He pauses at the bottom of the entrance ramp and snaps his head from side to side, then rushes the ring and slides under the bottom rope.

 

“Introducing first,” Funyon booms. “From Nottingham, England; weighing in at 218lbs, he is joint Number One Contender to the SWF World Heavyweight Title and is the leader of Revolution Zero; the ‘Straight-Edge Sensation’... TOXX-IIIC!!”

 

Toxxic ascends the nearest turnbuckle and spreads his arms wide, palms flat. The Portland crowd are none too welcoming, but Toxxic is used to that. Tonight, he’s here to prove that he can beat the one competitor on his level that he has never managed to beat before one-on-one, the man who has dropped him on his head off a ladder and twice beaten him for the ICTV Title - the Hell Machine.

 

“Toxxic does not have Citizen Jet at ringside this evening,” Comet notes from the announce table. “Given the lawless nature of this match I consider that to be only sensible on both their accounts, as I doubt Janus would hesitate to hurt anyone in league with his opponent.”

 

“No, that’s the pleasingly constant thing about him,” Riley agrees. “Total psychopathic nutcase.”

 

Toxxic drops back down to the canvas and heads to the far side of the ring, waiting for his opponent to emerge. He doesn’t have long to wait.

 

The lights in the arena dim as red ones start to flash in time with an ominous, buzzing alarm. The Smarktron at first only shows indistinct red blobs that resolve into letters, and a bell tolls as they finally form two words.

 

[sTATUS: RELEASED!]

 

The chorus of Fear Factory’s ‘Resurrection’ echoes out over the arena, accompanied by a pair of spotlights that swing around the crowd as if searching. Blue pyrotechnics fountain from the rampsides, causing a rain of azure to sprinkle down.

 

Consumed with memories...

That preceded today...

Given a chance to bereave...

Life that's slipping AWAY!

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

 

The Portland crowd aren’t too enamoured with the man who emerges at the top of the ramp either, but as Janus stares out across the massed faces of SWF fans it’s clear that he doesn’t care one bit. With white trenchcoat flapping and with the SWF World Heavyweight Title slung over his right shoulder, the Hell Machine advances towards the ring. As he strides forwards the fountains go out, one by one.

 

“And his opponent,” Funyon says, gabbling slightly so he can get out of the ring before Janus gets into it, “from Syndey, Australia; he stands at seven feet two inches and weighs three-hundred and sixty pounds; he is the SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION~! He is ‘The Hell Machine’... JAAAAAAAAANN-UUUUSSSSSSSSS!!”

 

The ring announcer turns to go but Janus has already rolled into the ring and raised his arms, and every ringpost explodes into blue fountains of flame causing Funyon to jump backwards nervously! The Hell Machine shrugs off his trenchcoat and hands the World Title over to Anthony Michael Hall... and as Funyon makes his escape successfully this time, Toxxic launches himself straight at Janus!

 

*DING-DING-DING!!*

 

“The Straight-Edge Sensation has come straight out of the starting blocks here,” Comet says in surprise. “He must be hoping that the element of surprise will give him an advantage to counteract Janus’ superior size and strength!”

 

It isn’t easy to land punches with full force on a chin that’s fourteen inches above your own, but Toxxic is doing his damnedest and the Hell Machine is driven back by the sheer flurry of blows. Briefly.

 

*smack-smack-smack-smack-whap...*

 

Then Janus casually raises his massive left hand and catches Toxxic’s right with no apparent effort, enfolding it in his huge fist and rearing back with his right to deliver a monstrous Knuckle Bomb...

 

*Whoosh*

 

...but punching downwards by fourteen inches isn’t an exact science either, especially not when the person you are trying to clobber has just dived between your legs and wrenched your own arm up into your testicles! Janus grimaces and exerts himself, trying to drag Toxxic back into a position where he can pound him into the mat, but Toxxic braces himself against the back of the Hell Machine’s legs and resists with all his might! After a couple of seconds the big Australian simply releases his grip on Toxxic’s hand and turns around to get him that way, but halfway round Toxxic fires a basement dropkick into the Hell Machine’s knee, then darts away as Janus clutches at his leg.

 

“This is the first singles match between these two where they haven’t either been connected by a strap or needed to climb a ladder in the middle of the ring,” Comet points out, “and with the no-countout rules Janus has no way of anchoring Toxxic to one spot! Now the straight-edger can really use his speed to his advantage.”

 

Janus snarls at the evasive Brit and charges forwards, but Toxxic simply rolls out of the way at the last moment and springs back up to his feet as Janus rebounds off the far rope, then the rookie launches himself into the air and hits the oncoming Hell Machine with a spinning heel kick! Toxxic lands on the mat as he bounces off Janus’ massive chest, but the big man was staggered and the Straight-Edge Sensation looks to make his momentary advantage tell by jumping up and nailing a dropkick. This also crashes into Janus’ chest but the Hell Machine only staggers again, so Toxxic ducks under one flailing arm and reaches up behind the Australian before hooking an arm around his neck and bringing him down with the Straight-Edge!

 

“So he can outmanoeuvre Janus - so what?” Riley snorts. “So can a slug in toffee. The point is, Comet, that come the PPV Tom Flesher will be all over both of these men!”

 

Janus is already starting to rise but Toxxic doesn’t want to give the giant a chance to regain his footing properly and has ascended to the top buckle. Unfortunately for the straight-edger the Hell Machine is just a bit too quick for him and as Toxxic looks up to set his sights on his monstrous opponent he sees Janus already standing and starting to turn around. With a shrug, Toxxic dives off anyway with a dropkick - but Janus simply slaps him out of midair!

 

“YOU BOTH SUCK!”

 

“YOU BOTH SUCK!”

 

“YOU BOTH SUCK!”

 

Toxxic tries to scramble away but a huge hand clamps around his neck and lifts him back to his feet. Two burning red eyes bore into Toxxic’s grey ones for a second before Janus readjusts his grip and hoists the struggling straight-edger into a fallaway slam position across his chest.

 

“BREAK HIS BACK!”

 

“BREAK HIS BACK!”

 

“BREAK HIS BACK!”

 

With a malicious grin, Janus drops to one knee and drives the other up into Toxxic’s ribs and back! The rookie yells out in pain but the Hell Machine straightens up... then drops once more, sending another wave of agony through his opponent’s body! The punishment isn’t finished yet however, as the World Champion lifts Toxxic one more time before dropping down for the third and quite definitely final backbreaker!

 

“JAN-US SUCKS!”

 

“JAN-US SUCKS!”

 

“JAN-US SUCKS!”

 

“Make your minds up!” Riley tells the crowd.

 

“Robert their minds are made up,” Comet informs his broadcast partner. “They hate both these men.”

 

Janus grasps his opponent around the throat once more, but this time it is not just to hoist Toxxic back to his feet. The Portland crowd start to increase the volume in spite of themselves, anticipating the chokeslam to come (and let’s face it, who doesn’t love a good chokeslam?), when-

 

*CHING!!*

 

-Janus’ hand releases it’s grip as Toxxic’s right foot slams into the Hell Machine’s testicles! Michael Hall looks disapproving but it’s no disqualification, and anything goes!

 

“RRAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!”

 

Portland is happy again as the World Champion’s knees buckle while Toxxic staggers backwards, holding his ribs in agony. The straight-edger manages to muster the ability to dart forward and launch a basement dropkick into Janus’ head that knocks the Hell Machine onto his back, but the simple impact of landing on the mat jars Toxxic’s midsection again and the rookie is unable to follow up.

 

“Just look at this, Robert,” Comet exclaims in wonder. “Janus is having real trouble in laying a hand on his speedy opponent, but the one time that he managed it caused more damage to the leader of Revolution Zero than entire matches have done in the past!”

 

“And you know what, Comet?” Riley replies as Toxxic starts to struggle up to his feet. “I don’t care! Because look who’s coming to play!”

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

The negative response from the Portland crowd is not for Toxxic or Janus - instead, it’s for the stocky figure of Tom Flesher as he hurdles the guard rail and slides into the ring clutching a steel chair! Toxxic rises just in time to receive a-

 

*CRACK!!*

 

-stunning blow to the head that drops him back to the canvas again!

 

“FLESH-ER SUCKS!”

 

“FLESH-ER SUCKS!”

 

“FLESH-ER SUCKS!”

 

The Superior One raises the weapon over his head in mock acknowledgement of the chant, then sets his sights on Janus. The Hell Machine is pushing himself back to his feet as well and Tom runs forward, bringing his chair down...

 

...but Janus isn’t stupid, and he isn’t deaf either. So when he heard the unmistakeable sound of chair on skull and the resulting chants that included Flesher’s name he knew something was up even in the private world of pain emanating from his groin. And when he does come back up, he comes up swinging.

 

*CRACK!!*

 

The Knuckle Bomb smashes Flesher’s chair out of his hands and straight back into the Superior One’s face, flattening the Buffalo native! The crowd cheer in response as Janus nurses his hand and reaches down to cause Tom some more pain but Flesher fights through the pain in his head, grabs the right hand of his attacker and starts attacking the Hell Machine’s smarting fingers! Janus roars and tries to retrieve his hand, so Tom shoots for the big man’s legs and tries to bring him over with a double leg takedown. Janus teeters unsteadily but manages to save himself and hammer a forearm down into Tom’s back, but the Superior One merely grits his teeth and heaves harder...

 

...and as Toxxic manages to sit up, the entrance ramp suddenly fills with bodies.

 

“That’s... that’s the Wayward Sons!” Comet blurts out as Ced Ordonez, Alan Clark and Eddy J race down to the ring. “And Munich as well! What are they doing here?”

 

“Well gee, might it be because Janus Demonstarred Clark and brutalised Ced and Munich with the Equaliser?” Riley asks sarcastically. “It looks like Tom’s not the only one with a score to settle tonight!”

 

Edward James is into the ring first and he sends a clubbing forearm across the Hell Machine’s back which nearly topples him forwards. Flesher sees what’s going on and backs out of it as the Wayward Sons go on the attack, trying to bring down the monster that threatens the entire federation. Janus turns around and-

 

*WHAM!!*

 

-lays Eddy J out with one blistering Knuckle Bomb! But Munich barrels into the big man and Ordonez and Clark start laying in as well while Flesher pulls himself out of the way... then pounces on the still-groggy Toxxic and looks for a Dragon Sleeper in order to lock in the Superior Stretch Beta!

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, this match has been declared a ‘no-contest’,” Funyon announces, to the surprise of exactly no people.

 

“Come on Tom,” Riley shouts, “make him tap like the bitch he is!”

 

But help is on the way for the beleaguered straight-edger as Revolution Zero suddenly come running down the ramp! Davis and Spike slide under the bottom rope into the ring and charge Tom, knocking him off their leader and stomping away on him on the mat! Meanwhile in the far corner Janus explodes outwards, scattering Wayward Sons before him - but Edward James is back up now, and the two behemoths start trading bone-shattering punches! Meanwhile Munich crashes into Sean Davis and with their earlier match still very much at the forefront of both their minds the two men act likewise. Davis starts to get the advantage, but then Ced hits him with a dropkick to the knee and the two faces seek to press their advantage. Flesher twists away from Spike Jenkin’s grip and stuns him with a shotei before grabbing the chair off the floor and nailing Hollywood in the head with it, but before he can turn around Toxxic has finally managed to recover enough to grab Flesher’s forehead from behind and bring him down with the Underkill!

 

“WHAT THE FUCK!”

 

“WHAT THE FUCK!”

 

“WHAT THE FUCK!”

 

“The crowd seem as confused as I am,” Comet says, trying to keep track of who is doing what in the ring.

 

The mass brawl in the ring is reaching epic and truly stupid proportions now. Janus finally knocks James back only for Clark to step in. Munich, Ced and Davis are battling away, Spike is groaning and Toxxic and Flesher are trying to injure each other. The crowd’s attention is starting to wander when-

 

-no music hits. But Dace Night does burst out from the backstage area and tear down to the ring! The White Night slides under the bottom rope and loses no time in going straight for the Hell Machine, bursting past the battered Alan Clark and launching a volley of elbows at the giant Australian! Janus reels back before staggering Dace with a Knuckle Bomb but the Brummie goes back on the attack immediately!

 

“DACE-DACE-DACE-DACE-DACE!!”

 

“Citizen Night is going for the monster, but it will be Flesher and Toxxic going for the World Title at Ground Zero!” Comet pimps in the closing moments. “Join us then when this all comes to a head!”

 

FADE OUT

 

Copyright SWF 2004

[the.weej 0]

The camera cuts back to the Commissioner’s office. He is holding a telephone receiver to his head and drumming his fingers nervously on the desk. The computer has been replaced on the desk, but is closed and powered down. The papers have been restacked, and everything seems to be in order.

 

“Yeah, I know it’s short notice,” Z says into the phone, “but I just found out myself. … No, I don’t think so. … Look, you’re the only one I know that could handle him, that’s why I called. … Yeah, anything you want. … Good, I’m looking forward to seeing you on Sunday. … Yeah, thanks.”

 

Z, looking downcast, hangs up the phone and shakes his head. “I know I’m doing the right thing,” he says, “but why do I feel like I’ve just made a deal with the devil?”

 

The camera fades out on an image of the SWF Commissioner, troubled and nervous, looking at the closed computer and wishing that things didn’t have to be the way they are.