Fuck Me.

[Angle-plex 0]

So here I am playing basketball, minding my own business, and some black kid rides his bike into my driveway.

 

Me: Ug...hello?

Him: Hey there, how am you?

 

Turns out this kid is mentally handicapped, and he lives a few streets over from me. He's 18 and he works three days a week for 3 hours a day as a janitor in the local high school (and yes, he has said he could try to get me a job :/). Now whenever I go outside he comes up to me and asks me to go to hooters. I guess God didn't think it was bad enough that the Mexican construction workers are always pointing and laughing at me while I play basketball, and that the 30 year old that doesn't have a job and lives with his parents is asking me to go to clubs with him every friday and saturday night. Hell, even whenever I go down to the community pool to tan up Gerald (the kid) always comes up to me and asks me to play a game of basketball with him, which I won't since he could probably beat me.

 

How can I go outside now?

[Hank Kingsley 0]

Out the back door, over the fence, through the tunnel, down the hatch, over the gourds, under the sweet potatoes, and into the urethra.

[Guest Bertil Olsson]

Hahahahaha.

 

I am having the same problem, too! Except that when I am trying to go to the outside to kick around my hackey sack the neighborhood kids are calling me bad names and throwing waffles at me, thinking the throwing of the waffles are funny because of my Belgian descent.

[Guest Bertil Olsson]

I imagine you and I would be the greatest of friends, Angle-plex. If we lived in the same town, we would probably go to the local 7-11 and have a slurpee and talk about many things, like what a fine actor Max Von Sydow is.

[Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0]

It's a good thing that you're not quite as bad a Deranged Hermit, because I would then have to say to you "Dude, you fucking suck just as much as Deranged Hermit!". I'm glad I don't have to hurt you like that.

[MarvinisaLunatic 0]

I don't know what this "outside" thing is, but it sounds scary. You should stay in the house and post on TSM all day.

[KingPK 0]

Bah. The more sun you get, the better chance you have of getting cancer. And there's so much pollution in the atmosphere, there's no more of that "fresh air" your mom told you to go out for when you were a kid.

[Use Your Illusion 0]

He's mentally handicapped? Not to sound politically incorrect here, but aren't the fears of the mentally challenged amplified? By that I mean if a kid with Down Syndrome was shit scared of spiders, and I threw one at him, he'd race to the beach and start swimming for America.

 

Find his fear. Exploit it.

 

Or you could just move.

 

UYI

[Guest Bitterness the Star]

He's mentally handicapped? Not to sound politically incorrect here, but aren't the fears of the mentally challenged amplified? By that I mean if a kid with Down Syndrome was shit scared of spiders, and I threw one at him, he'd race to the beach and start swimming for America.

 

Find his fear. Exploit it.

 

Or you could just move.

 

UYI

Or you could just start acting like a complete fucking moron, so much so that you freak him out and the only way that you're seeing him is if you make the effort.

 

Or you could just tell him to fuck off. And on that note, it's so easy to act as if the littlest things that he does piss you off. Then, if you tell him that you don't want to see him anymore or to stay away from you, he'll understand. Or at least accept it.

 

Mentally-handicapped or not, it doesn't give them the right to piss you off. Remember - it's not wrong to emotionally toy with him if you have a reason to do so.

 

Oh, I suck dick at this. Just stay inside and post.

[Art Sandusky 0]

Out the back door, over the fence, through the tunnel, down the hatch, over the gourds, under the sweet potatoes, and into the urethra.

Nothin' but net.

[The Czech Republic 0]

If a kid with Down Syndrome was shit scared of spiders, and I threw one at him, he'd race to the beach and start swimming for America.

Yeah same here, but further confounded since we're already in America. He certainly never made it to state in the 2000 Geography Bee.

[Golgo 13 0]

Kill him with one of the tools the construction workers use and dump his body in the 30 year old's yard.

[DerangedHermit 0]

It's a good thing that you're not quite as bad a Deranged Hermit, because I would then have to say to you "Dude, you fucking suck just as much as Deranged Hermit!". I'm glad I don't have to hurt you like that.

You're not exactly gold yourself.

[geniusMoment 0]

Give him a simple riddle, he will spend all day trying to figure it out, and you will be able to shoot all the hoops you want.

Or just tell him nicely you do not like him. It might be mean but it probably is the only solution.

[Guest Bitterness the Star]

Give him a simple riddle, he will spend all day trying to figure it out, and you will be able to shoot all the hoops you want.

Or just tell him nicely you do not like him.  It might be mean but it probably is the only solution.

You under-estimate mentally-handicapped people. It's not always an inability to take in information, it's an inability to successfully convey it.

 

Who knows? He might be a genius that can work it out in a moment.

 

Oh fuck this, just throw the basketball at this face. Make sure he thinks it was an accident, you don't feel any backlash and he still probably won't want to see you again.

[k thx 0]

Get him to put a long blonde wig on, take him upstairs and fuck his pasty ass.

 

It's always good to have a sex slave.

[Angle-plex 0]

Unfortunetly it's hard for me to understand what he says, so I can't even PRETEND to have a conversation with him. The other day he had me outside for 45 minutes talking, and for all I know he could have been speaking giberish. Then I told him I was going to blockbuster and HE wanted to come, and I would have brought him but I remebered that I was renting the movie Radio (true story, bad movie...don't rent it) and figured that might be a little awkward.

 

The 30 year old is almost as big of a problem. He looks like Bruce Vallanche but a little thinner and even though he doesn't work anywhere, he goal in life is simply to be PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. He's also bisexual and when I talk to him he tries to have philosophical arguments but he comes off making less sense than Gerald the retard.

 

So now I'm basically stuck in the house all day. A girl I know wanted me to go over today but neither of us have cars and I requested she pay for my cab fare. We discussed it for a few minutes and decide it wasn't going to work out.

[Angle-plex 0]

He's mentally handicapped? Not to sound politically incorrect here, but aren't the fears of the mentally challenged amplified? By that I mean if a kid with Down Syndrome was shit scared of spiders, and I threw one at him, he'd race to the beach and start swimming for America.

 

Find his fear. Exploit it.

I was thinking of doing this actually. I've tried it once, as there was a mentally handicapped kid in my high school that was afraid of napkins/paper towels, and one time when he went to take a shit a few friends and I through paper towels around the bathroom so that he wouldn't be able to get out of the stall. I'm not sure what this kid's fear is though, and it will be hard for me to get him in a closed in space where I can ditch him and go back to my house.

[Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0]

You're not exactly gold yourself.

 

Stop trying to drag me down with you.

[Art Sandusky 0]

A girl I know wanted me to go over today but neither of us have cars and I requested she pay for my cab fare. We discussed it for a few minutes and decide it wasn't going to work out.

So now it's a cockblocking situation? Throw pennies at them from the roof of your house. That goes for anyone who cockblocks you, regardless of handicap.

[Guest Avril_Lavigne]

Throw pennies at them from the roof of your house. That goes for anyone who cockblocks you, regardless of handicap.

That surely can't include me.

[Hank Kingsley 0]

Hey Avril, I don't know you, but I will ignore you, I don't want you there and I'll shut you out. Make you go away.

 

 

I can't believe I actually know the lyrics.

 

Is he kidding?

[Angle-plex 0]

The kid was riding his bike around my neighborhood for about 2 hours today. TWO FUCKING HOURS. I know because my dog was barking like crazy at him. I came up with a plan though: I'm going to try to introduce Gerald and Jimmy (my 30 year old creepy neighbor) and see if they hit it off. They both like to hear the sound of their own voice so maybe they can have shitty conversations with each other and leave me out of it.

[DerangedHermit 0]

The kid was riding his bike around my neighborhood for about 2 hours today. TWO FUCKING HOURS. I know because my dog was barking like crazy at him. I came up with a plan though: I'm going to try to introduce Gerald and Jimmy (my 30 year old creepy neighbor) and see if they hit it off. They both like to hear the sound of their own voice so maybe they can have shitty conversations with each other and leave me out of it.

Is Jimmy a child molester?

[Guest evenflowDDT]

Perhaps the kid'll go to Hooters with the 30-year old? Two birds with one stone.

 

And if the 30-year old won't, tell him he's a hypocrite and you'll never speak to him again.

 

And your speak of Radio reminds me of Lil Jon.

[Angle-plex 0]

The kid was riding his bike around my neighborhood for about 2 hours today. TWO FUCKING HOURS. I know because my dog was barking like crazy at him. I came up with a plan though: I'm going to try to introduce Gerald and Jimmy (my 30 year old creepy neighbor) and see if they hit it off. They both like to hear the sound of their own voice so maybe they can have shitty conversations with each other and leave me out of it.

Is Jimmy a child molester?

Actually, my mother thinks so, as he has asked my fourteen year old brother to "the lake" on many, MANY occasions. My mom is also fucking crazy though, so make of that as you will...

[DerangedHermit 0]

The kid was riding his bike around my neighborhood for about 2 hours today. TWO FUCKING HOURS. I know because my dog was barking like crazy at him. I came up with a plan though: I'm going to try to introduce Gerald and Jimmy (my 30 year old creepy neighbor) and see if they hit it off. They both like to hear the sound of their own voice so maybe they can have shitty conversations with each other and leave me out of it.

Is Jimmy a child molester?

Actually, my mother thinks so, as he has asked my fourteen year old brother to "the lake" on many, MANY occasions. My mom is also fucking crazy though, so make of that as you will...

So, send the kid off with Jimmy, and you'll kill two retarded birds with one stone. Hopefully, they won't double team you though.

[Angle-plex 0]

Well my brother almost burned down the house last year and Jimmy extinguished the fire, so I guess he thinks we owe him our lives. If I could get the two together though, I would have to secretly record the conversation. It would be too good to miss.

[DerangedHermit 0]

Well my brother almost burned down the house last year and Jimmy extinguished the fire, so I guess he thinks we owe him our lives. If I could get the two together though, I would have to secretly record the conversation. It would be too good to miss.

Ok, get your brother in on the mix and you'll kill THREE retarded birds with one stone.

[Angle-plex 0]

But I don't want to end up being best man at my gay brother's wedding with a Bruce Villanche looking character and the fucking real life Radio in the audience.