Another way to associate Dave Matthews with shit

[The Czech Republic 0]

CHICAGO -- The bus driver for rock star Dave Matthews called from the road Monday to say his luxury coach was not the one responsible for dousing passengers on a Chicago River tour boat with foul-smelling muck over the weekend.

 

Witnesses on the architectural sightseeing cruise told police they saw a long black tour bus dump liquid waste Sunday afternoon as their boat crossed under the Kinzie Street bridge.

 

About two-thirds of the passengers seated on the upper deck of Chicago's Little Lady were soaked with the "brownish-yellow" substance.

 

One witness gave Chicago police an Oregon license plate number that belongs to the 2003 Monaco Royale Coach driven by Jerry Fitzpatrick, who has been Matthews' tour bus driver for three years.

 

Fitzpatrick confirmed he was in Chicago with Matthews, whose band played the second of two shows at Alpine Valley in Wisconsin later that night. But the driver said he was parked in front of the Peninsula Hotel, 108 E. Superior St., when the waste rained down from the bridge several blocks away.

 

"There is no way I could be responsible for that," Fitzpatrick said from downstate Effingham. "I haven't emptied the tank for days. Besides, we are very cautious about how we do that sort of thing."

 

To bolster his case, Fitzpatrick coaxed Sgt. Paul Gardner of the Effingham Police Department to inspect the bus. He then gave Gardner his cell phone to tell a reporter that the tank was nearly full.

 

"One of the strangest requests I've ever had, that's for sure," Gardner said.

 

A publicist for the Dave Matthews Band issued a statement Monday night saying the group's management had "determined that all of the buses on our tour were parked at the time of this incident."

 

Back in Chicago, officials with the Chicago Architectural Foundation still were fielding angry calls from passengers on the ill-fated cruise.

 

All 120 passengers were given refunds on their $25 tickets. Five went to Northwestern Memorial Hospital for testing, police said.

 

Several have since called the foundation demanding compensation for clothing and personal items that got soaked.

 

"One man had a very expensive leather jacket that I'm sure he's not going to want to wear again," said Lynn Osmond, the foundation's president and CEO. "Our first concern is getting through the next few days and making sure nobody gets sick. Then we want to know who is responsible for this."

 

Chicago police are continuing to investigate, but for now the episode is not considered a crime, a spokesman said.

 

The Illinois Environmental Protection Agency and the Metropolitan Water Reclamation District of Greater Chicago also are investigating. The culprit could face charges for illegally dumping waste into the river.

 

Rob Sulski, an EPA engineer who has worked on Chicago River issues for most of the last two decades, said he has never heard of a bus emptying liquid waste into the river from a bridge. Most charter buses get rid of waste at licensed disposal sites, he said.

 

Asked why a witness identified his license plate, Fitzgerald speculated that boat passengers combed the area for tour buses and came across his waiting for Dave Matthews in front of the Peninsula Hotel.

 

After dropping off Matthews at Midway Airport on Monday, Fitzgerald headed to Arkansas for a break. He said he planned to empty the waste tank when he got home.

 

"This band is very environmentally conscious," he said. "We wouldn't have anything to do with this sort of thing."

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Ohhhhhhh man.

[PLAGIARISM! 0]

Awesome. If the Butthole Surfers did that (they probably have) they'd admit to it straight away and probably shift a few t shirts in the process.

[Spaceman Spiff 0]

Holy shit.

[Skywarp! 0]

Lock this topic and put it in the Greatest Threads folder now. There's nothing to add to this story. It's perfect as is.

[Krankor 0]

Those people are lucky. Some people would pay a lot of money on eBay for Dave's feces.

[Guest syncer55]

I feel sorry for the people it rained on.

[tekcop 0]

That's awesome. That'd be one of those stories you'd tell your grandchildren...

 

"Did I ever tell you a about the time it rained shit?"