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Guest Loss

Sensible Randy Orton

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Guest Loss

The title says it all. All I ask is that you please keep all of this out of other topics. Thank you.

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Randy_Orton.jpg

Ladies and Gentleman, tonight I'd liek to talk to you about the upcoming election. Now, thought it may seem like one vote doesn't matter in today's world, I want to remind you that every person counts in this country.

 

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What about me, Randy? Do I count?

 

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Absolutely! Don't you want to vote for a candidate that will eventually legalize all drugs and destroy our nation, you filthy pot-smoking Libertarian hippy? Though it isn't sensible, it's your choice!

 

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What about me, Randall?

 

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Your vote most definantly counts, Mr. Roboto. If Tipper ever needs an abortion (and we all know how often you two get biz-zay! Whoo!), don't you want to vote for a candidate tha tmakes it legal for you to murder your unborn child in order to satiate your selfish needs and eliminate the responsiblity you brought upon yourself?

 

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Uh, yeah.

 

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Even though you're supposed to keep your vote a secret (shh!), I'm going to introduce to you a man who may be the most **pauses** sensible (Crowd pops) candidate here. George W. Bush!

 

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Thank you, Ricky. I'd like to let you, the American public know, that I am here to ensure the justification of further anthropomorphic issues by which America will continue to be blessed by... **Shit-eating grin**

 

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George, what's your stance on abortion?

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George-Bush-#2.gif

There are too many babies in America. However, abortion is a sin, as decreed by our Lord and Savior Jesus H. Tap Dancing Chrit on a pole. However, I respect a woman's right to choose, that's why I am making it legal to eat babies before the 35th trimester.

 

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Uh, what? George, that doesn't sound very sensible.

 

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Why, sure it is! Hell, baby meat's so tasty it makes me want to do a little danc.e Yee-haw! GIMME SOME OF JR'S BARBECUE SAUCE! WHOO!

 

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How can you say no to a candidate of that caliber? I think we all see who the sensible choice here is. It's none other than

 

**spits in Bush's face-- RKO!**

 

Me! RAN-DEE, OR-TON! **Crowd pops**

 

**cue Evolution theme.

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721.gif

I want you to understand that this man at the wheel is my attorney. He's not just some dingbat I found on the strip, man. He's a foreigner. I think he's probably Samoan. But that doesn't matter, though, does it? Are you prejudiced?

 

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No sir.

 

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I didn't think so. Because in spite of his race, this man is very valuable to me. Oh, shit. I forgot about the beer. You want one?

 

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No thanks.

 

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How 'bout some ether?

 

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What?

 

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Nevermind.

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My_Pictures_DesmondT_180_166.jpg

President Orton, it's your call. We made an ultimatum to the Saudis, and it has passed. They're not giving up any ground. They won't hand over the base, and they still have our hostages. It looks like there's only going to be...one way out.

 

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This is bad.

 

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Unfortunately, the only way we can end THIS DAMNED WAR is to drop this atomic bomb on their capital city of Mustapha. We may lose everything we fought to defend, but...it's the only way.

 

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Wait a minute. I have an idea...it's a little bit...sensible. But it's so sensible...it JUST MIGHT WORK.

 

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Yes!

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

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...So you see, the whole thing was just in the little autistic kid's imagination all along. I think it had to do with the snow globe.

 

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OHHHHH! That is how you explain that madcap humor! I was wrong about American infidel TV shows! That was actually pretty good! I mean, I never would've written an ending like that! I'd just say the hospital burned down!

 

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So now that you realize that the 1980s American television reruns you get here are not the Great Satan,how about you let my people go so I can go back to running the country.

 

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Deal! No wait, no no, wait. I'm that little girl from the House Of Plenty: YOU GOT IT DUDE! HA HA HA! That line cracks me up every time.

 

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No, Akmed, YOU got it, dude. You got it going on.

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This thread makes me feel all warm and sticky inside, like a cinnamon bun, or Jenna Jameson.

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hhh.jpg

I've finally got you now Randy Orton!

 

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Hunter, over the past month you've been saying that and you haven't "got" me once. What makes you so sure that you'll get me this time?

 

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You listen up punk! This is the game you're talkin to! The REAL World Heavyweight Champion! The Champ! WHOOO! Ever heard of a lil thing called LAW..OF.. AVERAGES!!? WHOOOOO!

 

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You won't stand a chance!

 

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Bring it out Dave.

 

*Dave brings out a rather large picture, covered by a black sheet.*

 

It's over Orton. Game Over!

 

*HHH lifts sheet to reveal...*

 

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*Orton looks on in Shock*

 

*All members of Evolution are grinning. Flair bounces off the ropes and struts*

 

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Oh C'mon now! A paradox?! The kid'll be looking at that forever!

 

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HAHHAHAHAH! Your SENSIBILITY has finally caught up to you ORTON!

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*Shawn Michaels saves Randy Orton by destroying the picture*

 

*Backstage*

 

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Thank Goodness I got there when I did. You were almost completely dehydrated and your legs were about to give out on you. But, by the grace of god and through the power of jesus christ, I was able to save you.

 

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Thanks a lot for that too, Shawn. I was really starting to question my sensibility back there. Between the paradox and my body giving out on me, I didn't know which to choose.

 

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You should do what I did, Randy, and choose the lord. He's the way.

 

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I've been meaning to talk to you about that, Shawn. I started reading the bible the other day and...

 

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*cuts to stock footage of crowd cheering*

 

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...And then there is the whole resurrection! That doesn't make ANY sen-

 

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Kevin Dunn: Can we get someone else in there...

 

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Thank goodness I saved you out there, Randy.

 

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Stevie Richards? You haven't looked like Shawn Michaels in YEARS. This doesn't make sense either.

 

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Kevin Dunn: Can we get someone else in there...

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*Orton, after getting kicked out of the building, wanders the forrest trying to make sense of it all*

 

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I... I don't know how to make sense of it all...

 

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Perhaps *I* could be of some assistance.

 

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Wha? Who ARE you?

 

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I am an alien from outer space. I come from a logical species known as Vulcans. We have been watching you for quite some time, Mr. Orton, and we admire and appreciate your sensibility. We wish to take you on our spaceship and show you the wonders of the universe.

 

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Aliens? Spaceship? Universe? I want to believe but... This all seems so very wrong. I... wait a second... maybe this is one of those long-term effects of drug use. I never should have travelled with RVD. Now that I think of it, couldn't this be a result of my peyote usage and couldn't this all be part of my imagination? It's all becoming... so clear

 

*The image of the alien disappears*

 

ROB!

 

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I totally got you there, dude!

 

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Yeah, you did dude, you did.

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jr.jpg

.....and that's about it, folks. Either follow the dress code, or be prepared to be fined like a government mule!

 

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Very good plan, Mr. Ross. Have a nice day.

 

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JR leaves the room...

 

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Dress code?! This is ridiculous!

 

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Excuse me Tajiri, but on our fine WWE programming, you hardly speak any English. To speak perfectly fine here just wouldn't be sensible. Vince wouldn't like that.

 

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Ress crode?! Ris is ridicurous!

 

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Better. Wearing a suit and tie is just the perfect decision to really make this company look better in the media eye. Look....we're getting more public attention already.

 

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Burt: "No, no. No attention. Just here to watch the show!"

Bob: "Say Randy, an oddly unbent baseball cap would be the perfect thing to spruce up that suit...."

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Someone should show this thread to Matt Hardy... this'll get him to stop bitching about negativity on the internet.

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Randy_Orton.jpg

What's wrong, JBL?

 

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**Cries** Them faggot internet kids don't like me! **Cries**

 

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There's no need to cry John.

 

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That's easy for you to say. All the faggots and homos and Mexicans and Demee-crats on them interweb chat pages love you.

 

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Sure, they do now. But not long ago I was referred to as "suckbag". Did I cry about it? No, y'know what I did? I decided to become

 

**Crowd Cheers**

 

Sensible.

 

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Is that the same thing as being a conservative right-wing Republican who would give George Bush a rimjob if he asked?

 

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No John, it's not.

 

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Dammitt, it's not fair! Why don't those Goddamned internet beaner-fags accept me??!?!

 

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What'd you say?

 

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Aw shit...

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bynes-gallery.jpg

Randy, look. I baked it just for you.

 

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A cake it is!

 

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Oh Sarah. You shouldn't have.

 

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Oh, Randy! You know I'd do anything for you. Baking a cake is nothing.

 

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No. I mean it. You shouldn't have.

 

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Huh?

 

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Well come on! Butterscotch icing? Chocolate filling? That thing would go to straight to my thighs. You know I can't eat this. I'm sorry. It's just not...

 

 

...sensible.

 

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But I worked so hard...

 

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And that's great, now that you burned all those calories working on it, you can put 'em back on with that cake of yours. Toot-toot! ALl aboard the carb express! Geez.

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Randy_Orton.jpg

Hi, I'm RAN-DEE OR-TON, the youngest world heavyweight champion. As a world champion, I know that nutrition is important. That's why when I need a delicious lunch that both nutricious and filling, I go to Subway. Take a look at all your options:

 

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Doesn't that look delicious? And it only has half the carbs of a Big Mac! My personal favorite is the sweet onion chicken teriyaki, with its...

 

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What are you doing?

 

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I'm telling people how to eat sensibly.

 

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No, no, no. That's my job.

 

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Oh. Sorry, I'll just go... over here... now.

 

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The new Subway Sweet Chicken Teriyaki is a full bl--

 

**RKO**

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*Randy walks around backstage and eavesdrops on a conversation with Vince and company through a door slightly open.

 

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You know, I'm glad I made the right decision in making Randy the World Heavyweight Champion, but he can never be the true champion I always wanted to have until he crosses the BRRRRRRRidge of DEEEEEEEath, guarded by the Old Man from Scene 24!

 

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The Bridge of Death huh? I can do that! I'm Randy OR-ton! I can do anything!

 

*After the show, Randy takes a walk and winds up at the Bridge of Death.

 

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Look! There it is! The Bridge of Death!

 

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*appears out of nowhere

 

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That must be the old man from Scene 24!

 

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I am the keeper of the Bridge of Death. He who answers three questions may cross in safety.

 

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What if I get a question wrong?

 

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Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril...known as Smackdown.

 

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*thinks to himself. "Smackdown?!! There's no way in Hell I'm going back to that place."

 

Uh...Ask me the questions, bridge-keeper. I'm not afraid!

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creep.jpg

What is your name?

 

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My name is Randall OR-ton!

 

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What is your quest?

 

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To be the greatest World Heavyweight Champion of all time!

 

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What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

 

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...

 

*Randy thinks to himself. "Oh shit! I don't know the answer! Maybe if I think back a little bit, maybe I'll remember!"

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*random flashbacks appears

 

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Remember Randy, you Da Man! Don't let anybody tell you otherwise! You're Randy Orton! You can do anything! WOO!

 

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Don't come to me looking for answers! You're on your own, kid!

 

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ROAR!

 

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Dude, remember, if some crazy old man comes to you asking what your favorite color is, the answer is BLUE!

 

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To be the best, you must be the strongest! Leave no challenge open!

 

darth-vader.gifGive yourself to the dark side. It is the only way you can save your company.

 

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Who cares what the old man wants to know? Just open a can of whoopass on him already!

 

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Can Randy Orton answer the third question?

 

Will Randy become the World Heavyweight Champion Vince McMahon always wanted by crossing the Bridge of Death or fail and be sent back to Smackdown?

 

Is Randy's favorite color really blue?

 

All this and more on the next exciting episode of sensible Randy Orton!!!

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