So, I've been smoking.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

This is wonderful news. All you need to do is find a brand. Cloves are for goths and girls, so I don't know what you're doing with those. If you can't tolerate the straight tobaccer goodness, I suggest a menthol. Salems are probably the best, and the Black Label variety come in a box which slides outwards horizontally rather than flipping open from the top. It's dynamic and interesting, and people who have never seen it before are like "ooh! it does stuff!" Especially if they're stupid, and lets be honest, how many stupid people do we all know? I rest my case.

 

By smoking you're becoming part of a totally unorganized group which laughs in the face of death, dares to stand out in front of the building in the winter, and punctuates their moments with a refreshing and stimulating cigarette. You are a modern Prometheus; calling forth flame from your pocket, and wielding a red hot ember merely centimeters from your vulnerable lips, face, and fingers. It's the world's easiest way to meet people. You're a collegiate sort, there's no smoking in the classrooms or buildings or anything, but outside? Oh yes. Girls filling their lungs with erotic creamy clouds, and blowing them past crimson lips slowly, only to have their essence whispered away in the subtle breeze.

 

Incandenza, I know you're a smoker, you know you're a smoker, you're not getting any younger, and really, is your life worth living the way it is now? Cigarettes can help.

[Slayer 0]

I'm glad someone can still romanticize smoking in a time when smoking has become the new leprosy...

[1234-5678 0]

**blows smoke in Banky's face**

 

Smoking makes you popular and attractive. Join us. We're the cool kids you always wanted to be.

I'd say that you and your lady were the types who sat on the dirty couch in the cafeteria bitterly learing at the beautiful people ( like me).

Your school cafeteria had a couch? Very la-di-da!

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

All those New England metalheads are silver spoon bastards, seems like. Nevermortal went to private school, and Laz's school had a COUCH?

[The Czech Republic 0]

All those New England metalheads are silver spoon bastards, seems like. Nevermortal went to private school, and Laz's school had a COUCH?

But it was a dirty couch so that makes it OK.

 

Oh yeah, well we didn't have those long folding tables with benches. We had octagon-shaped tables with chairs around them! AND our classrooms were carpeted! AND there was a secret underground network of tunnels beneath the school.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

My high school was 2500 kids of every social standing, provided they were all white and rural. We had TWO cafeterias. That was mainly just so they could get us all slopped and back into class expediently. To my knowledge, there is no carpet in that school.

[The Czech Republic 0]

My high school was 2500 kids of every social standing, provided they were all white and rural. We had TWO cafeterias. That was mainly just so they could get us all slopped and back into class expediently. To my knowledge, there is no carpet in that school.

That was mine with half the kids and carpet

[Slayer 0]

To my knowledge, there is no carpet in that school.

The elite class would just use the lower class kids for carpeting

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

Will this new undertaking improve my luck with the ladies?

[Guest Vitamin X]

I'm gonna look at myself in the mirror next time I smoke, just to confirm I'm as sexy as I imagine I appear to be.

OMG PIX PLZ!

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Will this new undertaking improve my luck with the ladies?

Ones that smoke, sure. It'll open up tons of opportunities, how you capitalize varies.

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

I think I'm just gonna be one of those "smokes only when drunk" people. I've yet to crave a cigarette whilst sober.

 

Though those cloves....

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Don't worry man, all the pieces are going to fall into place pretty soon, and you'll love Big Tobacco. Try a menthol.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

If you want to foray into the flavored tobacco world, there's a type of cigarette called a Bidi. Made primarily in southeastern asian island nations and the subcontinent, they're one tobacco leaf, rolled over and over again, and flavored with something (think like ice cream, fruits, cinnamon..) tied with a string, and a tiny cotton ball is inserted into the skinny end as a filter. They're dirt cheap, and go out frequently, and everyone thinks they're joints, but they're not half bad.

 

Any tobacco related questions, I'm your guy, it's what I do for a living.

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

A little over a month ago, I was at this club where a friend and I were cruised by this milf-type. Upon discovering that not only did I not smoke, I never so much had taken a single drag off a cigarette my whole life, she insisted I partake in hers. I humored her, thinking I might get some hot, older woman tail later.

 

It was menthol, and it was nasty.

[1234-5678 0]

My high school was 2500 kids of every social standing, provided they were all white and rural. We had TWO cafeterias. That was mainly just so they could get us all slopped and back into class expediently. To my knowledge, there is no carpet in that school.

That was mine with half the kids and carpet

You spoiled bastards probably had one of those "Student Lounges".

 

All we had was the Art hallway, where people smoked blunts, fucked, and pissed.

 

Yes, in that exact order.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Ok, that's out then. Good man, now you don't have to justify your masculinity to people because you're smoking a menthol.

 

You could smoke something lighter, which I personally feel is awful. It's no healthier for you anyway, so might as well smoke something good, right?

 

For major brand stuff you're going to find in a gas station, and bum off of people, you're going to get a LOT of Marlboros and Camels, especially in your age group. I think Marlboros are pitiful. They have a funny smell, burn too fast, and hit me weird at the back of the throat. I don't know..never liked them.

 

Camels seem to be a lot smoother, and a lot stronger. Turkish Royals have kind of a mellow nutty quality to them, while the Filters and Wide Filters are pretty rich. Kamel Reds are signifigantly more expensive, and not any better or worse. Strictly a style choice, I think. The Red Lights are REALLY light, and come in a neat looking red, yellow, and orange box. Plus it's spelled with a K, I guess that's cooler if you're into that.

 

I like Camel Turkish Royals, and Lucky Strikes, because filters are for girls and boys. That's harsh business though. For experienced smokers only.

[Guest Vitamin X]

Lucky Strikes were my absolute favorite when I was smoking cigarettes.

 

And Marlboros do taste kind of funny, something chemically about them as opposed to a more natural, "earthy" taste to Camels. Royals are good and they have a nice hint of vanilla to them, and I like the special Camels (Like Mandarin Orange for example) that come in a tin can as well. BONUS: Useful marijuana storage later.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Ehhh, there's flavored tobacco a person can buy that's ten times better, then just roll your own. It's cheaper anyway. Those Camel tins are outrageously expensive. Those are intended for female "only when drunk" smokers.

 

Neat thing to note about cigarettes. There are brands and types specifically marketed and intended for women. Tons of them. Not so much with guys. It could be argued that nonfilters or Marlboro Reds are "Manly" but really, they're just a unisex cigarette. You'll never see a girl get accused of smoking a "guy cigarette" but the other way around..boy howdy. So don't mess up and buy a pack of Misty's or something, or else you'll be laughed out of the bar.

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

You guys sound like dorks. I don't want to sound like a dork, so I'm just never gonna smoke again.

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

Unless it gets me sex.

[Dr. Tom 0]

My smoking is confined to the occasional cigarette I have when drunk (which is whatever I bum off someone, usually a Marlboro of some variety), and the handful of cigars I smoke each year. This is the way for someone who doesn't want to smoke to smoke, IMO. Just make sure you're buying good cigars and not the crappy ones that come 5-to-a-pack at 7-11.

[Guest The Winter Of My Discontent]

The couch was extremely dirty and I don't think I sat on it during the 7 years I went to school there.

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

All those New England metalheads are silver spoon bastards, seems like. Nevermortal went to private school, and Laz's school had a COUCH?

No, but we had a bench that was broken all the time. My high school was far from great, but it also wasn't like an inner-city school.

 

Also, I'm not a silver spoon. I'm a silver SPORK, bitch.

 

And Banky, my kind never leered at the "beautiful people" in school. We chatted with them, occasionally hung out with them, and made fun of them to their faces because all they would talk about is how trashed they got over the weekend on Coors Light. Yet my friend Jay can drink a whole bottle of JD and be barely buzzed. Of course, he's been an alcoholic since he was 9, but that's besides the point.

 

Jaxl, you'd like him. Only not, because he's into Depeche Mode.

[PLAGIARISM! 0]

I see no advantage to sober smoking, especially in daylight. Just makes me feel worse. And if you smoke all night whilst drinking, your hangover will be worse, on account of the desert that is your tongue.

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

Well, there's only two advantages of being sober (thinking clear enough to not fuck nasty chicks and to drive, and not smelling like a yeast infection), so yeah.

[k thx 0]

All drugs are bad. Especially caffeine.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

To you drunk smokers:

 

Why only when drinking? Why at all? Are cigarettes only a tolerable thing while intoxicated? Do the two just mesh for you only at certain times? I've smoked since I was a baby, so I can't relate.

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

I can't properly explain—since I'm fairly new to this smoking thing—but I have yet to desire a smoke unless I'm slightly intoxicated. It holds no appeal to me sober. Not yet, anyway (hopefully never).

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

So who do you think you're kidding, anyway? Other than yourself.