Agent of Oblivion and I will meet before he dies.

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

I'm fairly certain his habitual drug use and rural lifestyle will bring on his untimely fate, far before I shuffle off this mortal coil.

 

If I die first, it'll likely be due to a combination of booze and self-loathing.

[The Mandarin 0]

Do you suggest a rural lifestyle Surgeon's Warning, then?

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

Agent has a scar on his scalp from the time he lit a cigarette after drinking moonshine (I'm not kidding, either), so maybe that's something I should look into.

[Slayer 0]

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

I've said this before, but that's seriously the best picture of Schwimmer I've ever seen.

[Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0]

Agent will outlive us all.

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

subliminal_animal is gonna kill him before that could happen.

[... 0]

I came into this thread expecting posters killing each other. Can't say I'm not disappointed.

[Edwin MacPhisto 0]

Agent will make it to middle age and die of lung cancer complications while in the midst of carnal action with a dissatisfied housewife. And you know you're going to sorta-kinda kill yourself as soon after you've lasted 5-6 years in a horrible office job. It won't be a real suicide, though. More like one of those ones where you convince yourself that you're losing control of the car cause of the weather when you're really just steering off the bridge.

 

Agent 41, Incandenza 38. You heard it hear first.

[Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0]

I'll take that one.

 

Agent - 86. After successfully evading all the previous super mutated virii, a new strain will finally take hold and kill him. Quick death, by virus standards

 

Incandenza - 29. Poisoned cocaine slipped into a joint by a dealer causes him to slip into a coma in a reasonably well lit park, causing him to swallow his tongue. Found by a jogger whos dog has decided to mark him as territory.

[MrRant 0]

Incandenza - 27. Killed while at a rave by Kotz after becoming the new Candy Boy.

 

Agent - 31. Japanese Giant Hornets make him their bitch.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Agent - 31. Japanese Giant Hornets make him their bitch

 

A noble death.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

By the way, there's one of two ways I will die, and it all rests upon if I make it past my 60's.

 

My mother's side of the family has outrageous hardiness and longevity. Sometime I'll scan this photo of my great grandmother. She's probably 5'1", about 180, totally square and muscular. Like a fire hydrant in bib overalls. She's sitting on a mound of dirt, barefoot, with her feet so black and filthy it looks like she's wearing socks. This woman was invincible. You can tell by looking at her. She'd probably been kicked by horses, stomped by bulls, god knows what else, and still she sat there smiling with a dirty carrot just plucked from the ground resting between her teeth! That's a proud feat for a middle-aged farmer's wife in mid 1940's rural Indiana.

 

Her daughter, my grandma is the exact same way. In my childhood, I remember her carrying this giant ceramic crock up and down the basement steps. I couldn't even budge it as a kid (maybe about 4 years old) when it was empty, and she'd have it full of fuckin' sauerkraut.

 

My mom's the same way, only with better nutrition and education.

 

So that's half my gene pool. I'm set if that's where I go. The men on my mom's side even live well into their 80's and 90's with minor complications after a physically taxing life and lots of cigarettes.

 

My dad's side all go crazy and shoot themselves in their 60's.

 

So, I've got a point of no return for longevity.

 

If I had to take an educated guess as to the time and cause of my demise...

 

Age 74. Pneumonia after surgery to repair an injury obtained from a freak hunting accident.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Agent will make it to middle age and die of lung cancer complications while in the midst of carnal action with a dissatisfied housewife.

Most likely my own.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Incandenza's going to die in his sleep in a nursing home at the age of 81, ignored and loathed by his ex-wife of 30 years. His three white gentile grandkids will keep him company while he relates stories about being the sports editor for the second highest circulating newspaper in Mobile, Alabama. His one son, a real estate agent will get pages and calls all the time on his monthly-or-so visits, but he's doing real good and his wife's nice and Incandenza will be real happy for him.

[k thx 0]

If I die first, it'll likely be due to a combination of booze and self-loathing.

You fucking goth.

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

I thought goths were pill poppers, shut up.

[Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0]

ah fuck

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

I'm considering making a thread where I tell people their futures.

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

Didn't you already do one of those.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Not officially. I did one where I told people what they looked like, and I did an astrological thing in the EXPLAIN this to me thread.

[godthedog 0]

do it. my advising appointment isn't till 1:30, and i have nothing to do in the meantime.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

ok, let me get all fucked up first.

[k thx 0]

It'd be better just as a thread telling people how and when they'll die.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

That's the focal point. The rest is context clues and whatever is within my vision.

[Nighthawk 0]

Hey when did the board turn gay? And why wasn't I called?

[PLAGIARISM! 0]

Presupposing my band The Atoms of Punishment don't take over the world (or at least Japan) i see little reason to live past 40.